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An Invitation to Empathize | Khayra Bundakji | TEDxAlhamraaWomen


hi everybody
[Music]
hold if I should speak inheritor
[Applause]
hello indicator and another me
oh c’mon let me take your hand and then
Adam you think it is no wonder to ignore
anything hadn’t destroyed okay mother
needed more in the rear shade could
murder I can inherit and nasca be a
beautifully good mother but a world anew
and become the Giga Adam Adam what a
shine at me from the Ginga
I am the Giga and I can learn more of
them Konami – amazing actually no more I
have men stubbornly and MC I have broken
Arabic because I lived most of my life
out of the country I got most of my life
on the country for a very good reason my
brother when he was 3 years old was
diagnosed with autism on the back fender
and
we all as a family had to be torn apart
our traveling for me my brother my mom
my dad my mom was exactly my age when
she went on her own to the stage and my
dad stayed in Saudi Arabia to support us
I think we need this love of my life
[Applause]
means that Ramallah in the beginning he
had seizures he had trouble reading
facial expressions
he had trouble understanding social
views at the time and for all of those
things I guess you could call it
emotional intelligence or what we now
call soft skills were a little bit
lacking it was the best decision we ever
made on a daily basis since the
journalist the medication was working
the therapy was encouraging you have to
could express those emotions to us he
would have that doing plate with kids
instead of and nervous it was everything
that we wanted it was worth it we were
thrilled he was our miracle it was
everything that we wanted for him to be
able to do those things and it got to a
point where it is not the region changed
we left for the state because there
wasn’t anything
but then we heard about us opponent away
that could give him the support he
needed and our family of four that was
torn apart turned into our whole family
of five as we all move back to the back
so in the way another one since the
middle school I was mystified people in
our team three years difference and I
don’t know said the world if I couldn’t
very different things from the both of
us the world wanted me to be a lady but
to need all the skills that I didn’t
learn when it came to cooking and house
management I don’t know any of those
though and they wanted up the let’s be a
man remember we talked about all those
soft skills the things that made him our
miracle those babies left society didn’t
really care about it enough this opened
him up to criticism at school all of the
things that even friendlier and made
them express himself or or the same
things that made him a target of
bullying unfortunately
it just didn’t add up the disappearance
these are the same kids that means that
a couple go be friends with simply put
yourself out there it didn’t work out he
outgrew this school is the way and there
was no school for him before high school
so he on his own went off to the States
for a boarding school that gave him the
support needed and there in post 9/11
America every time he would walk into
the airport he was about when security I
can all the things we were so thrilled
about that we learning how to be
friendly how to express themselves how
to be enthusiastic over all the things
that we just I know that there’s the
audience today I know that my mom and I
do think when these are the things that
we really was at some time and those
were the things that encouraged me but
in the thing hey that’s a little off
than the little off because and
everybody else is I am Eric Young Eric
when Thompson Bernie
Erin wasn’t an object of violence
obviously he’s a young ever met
he’s not a fella that we knew and were
thrilled about now everything’s good
enough we’re all back and just all back
in Southie all going to learning Arabic
and Allah works with me and that’s it as
I mention he also had the sign job
company and the chapter is closed right
and when I think the chapters closed
people think om the desert dogs intimate
affair no that’s not what I’m saying
the top fresh clothes on the pressures
and expectations of society put on him
as a man the pressures and expectations
that we’ll have all the things that your
family thought with America are not okay
in our society and when I say our
society I’m talking about me I’m talking
about you talking about our families
it’s not a big creature that’s far away
from us and this same society is
creating something from toxic
masculinity it’s something that’s scary
especially in this time we’re
encouraging women to be empowered and we
need to think to ourselves what are we
doing to train our place to live up to
this new future we’re only telling boys
to be the winner be on top to be heroic
be the only guy to be the protector
it’s a pedestal that we put them on
that’s really hard to fail so you’re
telling me they haven’t provided for
everybody but they can’t ask for help
they can’t talk about their feelings I
have no idea what’s going on in your
wife’s right now I don’t know if this is
a new concept if I’m saying something
that you believe in as men but I hope
they’re there to protect but they’re not
able to staying with me they’re done
protecting they’re told that they’re
supposed to be loving fathers and the
best husbands that show affection and
love but they never told how to do that
in our systematic way of raising for you
they’re not given the tools quite
frankly today when you walk into any
interview what are you’re not
interesting about they’re talking about
those soft skills you have the ability
to collaborate you have that ability to
cooperate
do you have an enmity these are things
that girls learn the cementec system in
the system of how we raise girls
we learned it through taking care of our
little baby dolls it’s very hard to
teach those things through plastic guns
or cars you know what I mean
to highlight this example when we talk
about the newest man in my life my
husband dr. Ogden making Jamaa me as a
person
me as a person I’m impatient I’m quick
to anger I can’t want my time just like
I can’t do it and I’m hanok in times of
emergency doctor I’ve been taking no
mojado is a writer to tell the best
bedtime stories he’s a musician you
would create the most creative sing
along with ever he’s a doctor he’s the
person in call when you panic and yet
with all of these attributes that we
both have never in my lifetime are we
going to be allowed to live a life where
he stays at home with the children
raising amazing adults because he has
that skill set and for me to go out
homework it’s just not going to happen
just because of the constraints of
society it’s not a matter of our
capabilities it’s not a matter of what
we wanted to do it’s just what would
people
and then having here today and live it
up let’s talk about authenticity a
nurturing person who loves children and
childhood education be a stay-at-home
parent if you’re an analytical Frenchman
who loves numbers and loves pressure
works to be a CFO if you love expressing
yourself through art be an artist aren’t
being done trying to live up to what
people will think when it doesn’t fit
booming art I think that’s what they do
in spreading and I hope you understood
what I think
[Applause]
you
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