right now who’s dying how many of you
are thinking what did I get into this
conversation how many of you who raised
your hand are referring to yourselves is
there anyone that thinks they’re gonna
get out of this thing called life alive
okay so tonight I would like to pose a
question for your consideration can your
made-up or imaginary prediction of your
own potential death date determine the
quality of your life I grew up on
extremely contaminated property it was
so contaminated that literally the air
above the soil was contaminated if you
can believe that
and I was probably around eight or nine
years old at the point that my father
died suddenly of lymphoma cancer he
never knew why he got sick his birthday
was yesterday actually ironically and it
was many many years later that we got a
letter in the mail and it said don’t
drink your water don’t touch your water
don’t bathe in your water and don’t
breathe the evaporation from your water
and then all of the cases of bottled
water started showing up to our doorstep
that we hadn’t ordered and at this point
you know strange was not a new word in
my vocabulary as far as my life went but
this took strange to a whole new level
because we started brushing our teeth
with bottled water and so then all of a
sudden the doctors started and we were
sent to all these different doctors all
over and I remember we would go through
all this physiological testing and
psychological testing I say we it was my
sister and me but for me personally I
remember my experience after we would go
through all of this testing that they
would bring us into their office at the
end or they would bring me in and anyone
who’s ever been to the doctor and they
ask you to come into the office for your
test results usually knows that this is
not a good sign and so anyway I would go
into their office and they would sit
I just remember them like folding their
hands on their Duff and they would
deliver the news that there was a very
high likelihood that I would get cancer
one day from the toxins that I had been
exposed to and I remember at the time I
was like wow that sucks but then on the
other hand I thought to myself okay
there’s these things that I want to do
have these dreams and these aspirations
and and if they could give me a date
then I could work backwards from that
date and I could live a truly meaningful
life with the time that I was given so I
asked them so can you give me a date
like No you know because I wasn’t sick
so they couldn’t give me a date and so I
thought to myself okay well if you’re
stripped of everything that seems like
it matters everything that’s material
and then all of your physical health
what’s left I was about 19 when I
started to explore this idea that I
could die it was much later that I
realized the undeniable fact that I will
die someday and the funny thing is we’re
all actually really connected by this
common thread if you think about it
we’re all going to die someday and it’s
interesting because right now in fact
while we’re in here spending time
together according to the world ometer
z– and if you don’t know what that is
basically what it is is this website
that brings in all of this all of this
reliable statistical data that gives you
real-time stats on what’s happening
right now so births deaths and and how
many mobile phones are being by I mean
everything and so according to World
Islanders right now the current death
rate is about one point seven eight
people per second so what that looks
like is that’s like over a hundred
people in the next minute that will die
and if you wouldn’t really put that into
perspective that that’s like over 1,800
people that are gonna die before my talk
we get was finished
that’s over 6,000 people who will die in
the next hour and if you’re doing the
math looks like over 150,000 people who
will die today but what does that really
mean if it’s not happening to you
or so
buddy that you know but what if it is
happening to you or somebody that you
know or even possibly a stranger that
you met a little while ago then what
we’re talking about the magic of words
tonight but the word death it’s just a
vocabulary word right I mean none of us
really know the experience of death
until we do right and so really it comes
down to the meaning that you give to the
word so let’s talk about that for a
minute what why is it that some of us
are completely afraid of death some of
us like myself are intrigued by it and
then yet there’s some people who can’t
live without it I literally I remember a
day I sat with a friend of mine at an
office that I worked at and I sat down
at her desk and and don’t get me wrong I
mean the job sucked okay but but she
said you know I don’t think I can do
this anymore I don’t I don’t think I can
go on and I can see where she was going
with this and and so I said to her I
said you know what did you sell
everything quit your job and go take
some radical vacation and get
perspective excuse me she didn’t take my
advice but she did take her own life
and then there was another and another
and there were many more after that I
have a friend who’s incredibly addicted
to skydiving anybody out there addicted
to skydiving I see a hand in the back I
have another guy that I awarded a
scholarship to because he’s so crazy in
love with skydiving that he wants to
become an instructor and when asked what
it was about skydiving that made them so
fascinated by this dangerous hobby they
both reported back that I had everything
to do with how alive it made them feel
when they came that close to death I
think we can relate right just talk
about life expectancy for a minute did
you know that there
actually countries out there that
according to like Wikipedia and some
other places sources depending on where
you read your statistics they vary a bit
but there are countries out there was
some of the lowest life expectancies on
the planet I’m talking about like 49 can
you imagine I’m thinking to myself that
that’s just a couple years away who
actually those countries actually
experienced some of the highest levels
of peace I mean I’m talking about
countries that are made up of religious
denomination or excuse me just a variety
of religious philosophies from Muslim to
Christian to indigenous beliefs and so
on and so forth and yet they’re
considered some of the most peaceful
nations in the world why is that now
it’s not all of them don’t get me wrong
but I have to wonder that for those that
experience those high levels of peace
with these low life expectancies is it
possible that they think to themselves
wow my time on this planet is only so
much is it worth it to go and be a nag
or whatever the case might be is it you
know or or does it inspire them to live
with more tolerance more acceptance I
just have to wonder just death beget
life you know I when I first started
kind of exploring this idea of death
making you consider living a life more
fulfilled
I took a death and dying class I know
I’m a hoot to hang out with my my
husband took this class with me in fact
let me just sidestep for a second tell
you a little bit about my husband
because this is kind of funny and since
I’m gonna tell this story it makes me
think of him so two days ago
I sort of pinned my husband in the
kitchen and he was having coffee in the
morning and I said to him I said honey I
said he knows I’m preparing for this
talk with you guys and and I said honey
I said what’s your life expectancy he’s
like what like and he literally started
to shut down before my eyes like if he
could have run out of the kitchen he
would have run but I had him backed
against a wall and so I did what any
good wife would do I pressed him I’m
like honey I want to know
you know I’m about to do this talk and
you know that I study this I need to
know how long are you gonna live
fussing give me your imaginary date and
he was like so he’s like okay well based
on you know my my grandparents living
this long and yet he had to go
he’s like 112 I said okay
I said 112 so have you remarried he he
said no my hundred and thirteen year old
wife just standing there with me and so
it’s not unreasonable that he could live
to be that age but I was laughing I was
like yeah that’s not gonna happen but
then I pushed him a little more and I
said so honey let’s say it’s your
birthday you’re 112 I said who’s there
with you look around I want to know
because I’m not there with you I
guarantee it I said what tell me he was
there with you so he started to think
about it and then yesterday I’m in
victim at the airport
between different flights on my way here
and I get the most beautiful text from
him and it says honey he says you can
relax now
he said you’re gonna change the world
with this idea he said you inspired me
he completely changed my way of looking
at things and I was like oh my gosh the
pressure and that was crying on the
plane it was ridiculous but anyway so
back to this death and dying class so we
take this class and although the class
itself was quite fascinating what really
struck me as the most interesting
actually came from the breakout groups
that we had with the elderly and it was
like groups individuals and and really
what was so fascinating is that they had
no fear whatsoever of death in fact they
completely embraced it their only
priority was to prepare for it only
their seeming source of sadness came
from the fact that they also wanted to
talk about it and they couldn’t because
their loved ones were like oh stop
you’re not gonna die don’t talk to me
about this you know dad whatever they
just want to talk about it what’s your
relationship with the word death I want
to ask you a few questions and I just
want you to take a moment and just
really think about them for a second and
ponder them if you will and if you
close your eyes or whatever it is that
makes this feasible for you to really
kind of partake in this then feel free
please so if you knew you would die
tomorrow who would you want by your side
if you knew you were going to die in one
week what’s the first thing that you
would do right now if you knew you had a
month left to live what would you want
to share with the world if you knew you
had a year or ten what would you want
your life to look like if you had 20 or
more years left to live what’s the first
thing that you would do right now
our date may be unknown but our fate is
set in stone should this be feared or
should this be embraced
should this be suppressed or should this
be honored look to accept death as a
common thread between us is to accept
our complete likeness in a way that we
can let go of all judgment and scrutiny
to accept death as a common thread
between us is to choose a life worth
enjoying a life worth fulfilling and a
you cannot guard yourself from death
without guarding yourself from life
embrace one and you embrace the other
look I’m just gonna tell you this you
know it’s scary to come up here
I am you know fearful that I could
forget everything that I want to say I
worry about you know tripping and
falling I mean all the things it’s it’s
frightening to be a human being but when
you realize that you have a finite
amount of time in this body you begin to
realize that you can unlearn all the
stuff you learned in school and you can
begin to to understand that you matter
in ways that you maybe don’t realize
like everything you do matters
everything that you view matters your
point of view matters and the people you
love matter your community matters and
strangers matter since I’ve been
exploring this idea and since I’ve
accepted that I’m absolutely going to
die one day I have realized that you
know somebody’s judgment of me or their
rejection of me maybe gives them a
feeling of control in a world that is
seemingly out of control and it is no
longer personal I leave you with this a
poem about mortality I once was afraid
of my own shadow but then I was walking
by I took a look and suddenly out came a
revealing sigh for it was no longer
scary I realized it was nothing more
than a beautiful image of me painted
upon the door and then it moved and on
we went two peas in a pod the same no
longer was I scared my companion it
became thank you [Applause]