[Music]
what matters most to you after you sift
away all the distractions all the
possessions all the things what matters
most to you in this one life that you
have when I’ve asked this question to
thousands of people around the world
people tend to say things like why I’d
like to be happier or I’d like to live a
healthy life I’d like to get a good job
graduate I’d like to do meaningful work
my wife and I would say that we want our
kids to be happy and to make a
meaningful contribution to society other
people talk about finding inner peace
and finding solutions to social problems
and making the environment better so now
let me ask you this how can you reach
any of those positive outcomes without
using your character strengths and the
answer is you can’t in order to achieve
anything in life to reach goals you need
to tap into your self-regulation
and your perseverance strengths in order
to live healthily you need to tap into
strengths like prudence and hope to
create any kind of good meaningful
relationship an intimate relationship we
of course need to be using strengths
like kindness and love and forgiveness
and social intelligence now how do I
know this because in the mid 2000s
something groundbreaking took place in
the social sciences a common language of
human strengths was uncovered this was a
three year project a collaboration of 55
scientists who wanted to answer the
question of what’s best about us what’s
best about human beings what constitutes
a life of flourishing a good life a
meaningful life
and they traveled to very remote areas
in the planet to try to answer this
question so they went up as far north as
you can go on the globe and spoke with
the Inuit people in northern Greenland
and they spoke in another remote culture
or connected with the Maasai tribal
people far off the tour circuit in Kenya
in Eastern cultures and Western cultures
and what they found is incredible
parallel across these cultures across
what is being said in all the world
religions and the ancient philosophers
dating back to Aristotle
they found a common language it’s in all
of us and this common language includes
strengths like creativity and curiosity
and kindness and love and social
intelligence bravery perseverance neste
honesty teamwork leadership appreciation
of beauty and excellence self-regulation
prudence humility and on and on
twenty-four strengths and since then the
last decade there have now been hundreds
of studies showing that these strengths
and using these strengths is connected
with greater flourishing in life it’s
connected with greater health greater
happiness managing problems depression
and so on and I remember before this
common language came about I was working
one-on-one with people with severe
depression with people with chronic
anxiety major stress conditions and I
would be taking a typical deficit based
approach with them I’d be asking them
about what’s wrong trying to really
study their problem and trying to come
up with treatment to help them and when
this common language came about with the
backing of science suddenly I was asking
different questions and I was starting
to ask these same people
well what’s actually best about you what
are your highest strengths how might you
tap into your own curiosity
your own kindness that’s very high for
you how might you use that to solve your
problems how might you tap into your
strengths of hope or self regulation to
become more resilient in life or you
want to create a better relationship
with that person
well how might we we talk about how to
tap into your fairness your forgiveness
and other strengths so what really
became a game changer for me
professionally and then also personally
applying it to myself and with my family
and friends so how might you make the
most of this common language I want to
offer you a metaphor of four levels of
light pilot light two flickers of light
to a beam of light to fold blow so it
all starts with the pilot light and
you’ve seen in your stove or fireplace
that faint little movement of a flame
sometimes barely perceptible we have
twenty four pilot lights within us
twenty-four capacities to bring forth
good positive qualities we could think
of these as potentialities potentiality
for so much more and if we ignite those
pilot lights we get them going
then perhaps we reach the next level of
flicker of light and you might have
noticed when you’ve been in conversation
with someone that they’re talking about
something positive or something good
that happened to them and the little
sides of their lips start to curl up or
maybe they have a change in their body
posture or maybe they have a certain
giggle about them or maybe this
universal experience of the eyes
lighting up you can literally see their
eyes lighting up when they’re talking
about something good or positive these
are flickers little sparks that we can
notice in ourselves or in other people
it’s kind of like the precursor to these
character strengths that we’re noticing
and with enough flickers we can reach
the next level and that is the beam of
light and so this is where we’re clearly
expressing one character strength or
more in a situation so perhaps when you
were walking down Fifth Street you
decided to buy a second cup of coffee
and give it to the homeless man who’s
standing out in the cold on the corner
in that moment you were shining your
beam of kindness or perhaps your friend
called you up and started to sort of jab
you with some political comments knowing
to he or she would get a rise out of you
and you decided to restrain yourself
shining your beam of self control or
self regulation because you knew that
that could cause a problem in your
relationship and that the relationship
is more important than an argument or
politics probably in that moment you or
maybe expressing some internal
forgiveness as well for that person beam
forgiveness or maybe you relate to the
tutor who was helping a student with a
disability at a university and this
tutor was working with the student and
the student was really starting to
struggle with the material struggling
with the learning not knowing what to do
and so the tutor said let’s just stop
for a moment just pause I just want to
say to you that I see so much bravery in
you so much courage you know why because
you go to class every single day knowing
you’re gonna be facing adversity knowing
you’re gonna be facing struggles the
difficult teacher that you have
classmates that might tease you or give
you certain looks and your own struggles
with learning and grappling with this
material but yet you go every single day
facing that adverse
facing those struggles and I just see so
much bravery and courage in you so in
that moment that tutor is shining her
beam of perspective or wisdom for that
student and in turn the student then is
being catalyzed to use her strength of
perhaps more bravery or more
perseverance going from day to day more
zest and so on and so then we can expand
that beam of life using that particular
strength in a situation we can expand it
to the fourth level and that’s the level
of the full glow and so this is where
we’re expressing many strengths across
situations so we’re not just expressing
love in our relationships in our family
but we’re also expressing love in the
workplace by being very warm and genuine
to people by being thoughtful by being a
good listener that’s expressing love in
the workplace and we don’t just Express
fairness and teamwork and perseverance
at work we would also express it at
school and in our relationships being a
good relationship team and persevering
in the relationship and so on and so
that would be reaching the full glow
expressing a wide range of these
strengths across situations so how else
might you reach your full glowing
there’s been a really important finding
in this science and it’s a it’s a
finding around what’s called signature
strengths our signature strengths are
actually a subset of these 24 strengths
that are unique to each person so these
are the strengths of the 24 that are
highest for you that are most energizing
for you most natural for you to use and
what research is finding is that and
this is across cultures that people that
use their signature strengths in new
ways each day that’s being associated in
gold-standard studies with higher
happiness
and less depression for six months I
mean to think about that just to use one
or more of your best qualities in a
little bit wider way a little bit knew
of a way a unique way but don’t just
take the scientists word for it and
don’t just take my word for it let’s
take your word for it so I want to
invite you now to select one of your
signature strengths any of the 24 here
and perhaps selecting the one that you
believe is most core to who you are most
central to your identity okay I want to
invite you to really see this strength
that you’ve chosen within you see it
clearly and appreciate it
see that it has helped you in so many
ways in your life to achieve different
things to reach your goals
it’s contributed in a positive way to
your relationships it helps you to
engage in day-to-day life maybe it’s
even helped you find deep meaning in
life see that and appreciate that
and now imagine this imagine that that
strength has been plucked out of you
you’re not allowed to use the strength
for the next month how would that feel
what would that be like to not use that
strength for the next month so if you
chose curiosity you can’t pursue
anything new you can’t pursue novelty
you can’t do anything new you can ask
any new questions you can’t explore
anything on the internet you can’t eat
any new foods you can’t go to any new
places any new restaurants for the next
month
if you chose judgement and critical
thinking you can’t be logical you can’t
be fact-based you can’t be thinking
oriented you can’t be reasonable with
people you can’t look at many ways to
solve problems you can’t look at many
details of a situation for the next
month
if you chose love you can’t be warm and
genuine in your relationships you can’t
be thoughtful to people you can’t value
close relationships you certainly can’t
even hug or kiss anybody for the next
month what would that feel like what
would that be like for any of the
strengths that you chose and so how
people used to respond to that in a word
or a phrase as they say I would feel
empty inside I would feel Hollow
I would feel depressed I would feel
devastated people say I feel viscerally
anxious and upset I felt like I was not
me I felt like I was just twiddling my
thumbs in life I felt hopeless and
helpless I felt as if I was suffocating
like I could barely breathe because my
best quality was taken from me that’s
how important your signature strengths
are unique to each person on the planet
so perhaps you’re ready to take action
take a look at this picture here this
picture it’s an illustration by Kim Jae
Hong and what do you see
sure you could say I see mountain
landscape and I see some trees in the
background the pond is there looks like
a dark day that kind of thing right now
take your left ear and place it on your
left shoulder and tilt your head like
this and now what do you see so perhaps
now you see the figures emerging from
the picture if our left side in the
middle taking up the whole picture up
toward the sky and toward the water
there’s always more to the picture
there’s always more going on beyond the
surface in every conversation everything
that we do with anybody and in order to
certainly in order to see strengths in
order to see virtues in people in order
to do something different we have to
take action with the strengths we have
to learn to tilt our head doing
something different and you might
remember this that who you are is what
you repeatedly do so who you are in this
world is what you repeatedly do so do
character strengths be your best
character strengths
how might you do that well you might
take action by first learning what your
highest strengths are and expressing
them more in your life you might take
time to savor and appreciate those
strengths you might turn to the person
next to you or to your loved one or your
child or your boyfriend/girlfriend your
spouse and talk to them about the
strengths that you see in them that you
see fairness and kindness and
forgiveness in them spot those strengths
in action you might go a step further
and see the strengths of your enemies
see the strengths of people to disagree
with you and express the strengths
widely reflect on how you use them
discuss them with other people and bring
them about every single day keep them
top of your mind qu q yourself to
remember to use your strengths and
imagine if you did that imagine if I did
that we would be creating this positive
contagion a ripple effect back and forth
that would spread to our families to our
work environments to our classrooms to
our neighborhoods to our cities and
beyond
so we can rediscover our 24 pilot lights
we can see those sparks those flickers
of light and people we can reinforce
people in our life for showing their
beam of light and you can express your
own beam of light by tapping into this
common universal language that Bond’s
all human beings so you can rediscover
your full glow and it all starts by you
and me tilting our heads thank you
[Applause]
what matters most to you after you sift
away all the distractions all the
possessions all the things what matters
most to you in this one life that you
have when I’ve asked this question to
thousands of people around the world
people tend to say things like why I’d
like to be happier or I’d like to live a
healthy life I’d like to get a good job
graduate I’d like to do meaningful work
my wife and I would say that we want our
kids to be happy and to make a
meaningful contribution to society other
people talk about finding inner peace
and finding solutions to social problems
and making the environment better so now
let me ask you this how can you reach
any of those positive outcomes without
using your character strengths and the
answer is you can’t in order to achieve
anything in life to reach goals you need
to tap into your self-regulation
and your perseverance strengths in order
to live healthily you need to tap into
strengths like prudence and hope to
create any kind of good meaningful
relationship an intimate relationship we
of course need to be using strengths
like kindness and love and forgiveness
and social intelligence now how do I
know this because in the mid 2000s
something groundbreaking took place in
the social sciences a common language of
human strengths was uncovered this was a
three year project a collaboration of 55
scientists who wanted to answer the
question of what’s best about us what’s
best about human beings what constitutes
a life of flourishing a good life a
meaningful life
and they traveled to very remote areas
in the planet to try to answer this
question so they went up as far north as
you can go on the globe and spoke with
the Inuit people in northern Greenland
and they spoke in another remote culture
or connected with the Maasai tribal
people far off the tour circuit in Kenya
in Eastern cultures and Western cultures
and what they found is incredible
parallel across these cultures across
what is being said in all the world
religions and the ancient philosophers
dating back to Aristotle
they found a common language it’s in all
of us and this common language includes
strengths like creativity and curiosity
and kindness and love and social
intelligence bravery perseverance neste
honesty teamwork leadership appreciation
of beauty and excellence self-regulation
prudence humility and on and on
twenty-four strengths and since then the
last decade there have now been hundreds
of studies showing that these strengths
and using these strengths is connected
with greater flourishing in life it’s
connected with greater health greater
happiness managing problems depression
and so on and I remember before this
common language came about I was working
one-on-one with people with severe
depression with people with chronic
anxiety major stress conditions and I
would be taking a typical deficit based
approach with them I’d be asking them
about what’s wrong trying to really
study their problem and trying to come
up with treatment to help them and when
this common language came about with the
backing of science suddenly I was asking
different questions and I was starting
to ask these same people
well what’s actually best about you what
are your highest strengths how might you
tap into your own curiosity
your own kindness that’s very high for
you how might you use that to solve your
problems how might you tap into your
strengths of hope or self regulation to
become more resilient in life or you
want to create a better relationship
with that person
well how might we we talk about how to
tap into your fairness your forgiveness
and other strengths so what really
became a game changer for me
professionally and then also personally
applying it to myself and with my family
and friends so how might you make the
most of this common language I want to
offer you a metaphor of four levels of
light pilot light two flickers of light
to a beam of light to fold blow so it
all starts with the pilot light and
you’ve seen in your stove or fireplace
that faint little movement of a flame
sometimes barely perceptible we have
twenty four pilot lights within us
twenty-four capacities to bring forth
good positive qualities we could think
of these as potentialities potentiality
for so much more and if we ignite those
pilot lights we get them going
then perhaps we reach the next level of
flicker of light and you might have
noticed when you’ve been in conversation
with someone that they’re talking about
something positive or something good
that happened to them and the little
sides of their lips start to curl up or
maybe they have a change in their body
posture or maybe they have a certain
giggle about them or maybe this
universal experience of the eyes
lighting up you can literally see their
eyes lighting up when they’re talking
about something good or positive these
are flickers little sparks that we can
notice in ourselves or in other people
it’s kind of like the precursor to these
character strengths that we’re noticing
and with enough flickers we can reach
the next level and that is the beam of
light and so this is where we’re clearly
expressing one character strength or
more in a situation so perhaps when you
were walking down Fifth Street you
decided to buy a second cup of coffee
and give it to the homeless man who’s
standing out in the cold on the corner
in that moment you were shining your
beam of kindness or perhaps your friend
called you up and started to sort of jab
you with some political comments knowing
to he or she would get a rise out of you
and you decided to restrain yourself
shining your beam of self control or
self regulation because you knew that
that could cause a problem in your
relationship and that the relationship
is more important than an argument or
politics probably in that moment you or
maybe expressing some internal
forgiveness as well for that person beam
forgiveness or maybe you relate to the
tutor who was helping a student with a
disability at a university and this
tutor was working with the student and
the student was really starting to
struggle with the material struggling
with the learning not knowing what to do
and so the tutor said let’s just stop
for a moment just pause I just want to
say to you that I see so much bravery in
you so much courage you know why because
you go to class every single day knowing
you’re gonna be facing adversity knowing
you’re gonna be facing struggles the
difficult teacher that you have
classmates that might tease you or give
you certain looks and your own struggles
with learning and grappling with this
material but yet you go every single day
facing that adverse
facing those struggles and I just see so
much bravery and courage in you so in
that moment that tutor is shining her
beam of perspective or wisdom for that
student and in turn the student then is
being catalyzed to use her strength of
perhaps more bravery or more
perseverance going from day to day more
zest and so on and so then we can expand
that beam of life using that particular
strength in a situation we can expand it
to the fourth level and that’s the level
of the full glow and so this is where
we’re expressing many strengths across
situations so we’re not just expressing
love in our relationships in our family
but we’re also expressing love in the
workplace by being very warm and genuine
to people by being thoughtful by being a
good listener that’s expressing love in
the workplace and we don’t just Express
fairness and teamwork and perseverance
at work we would also express it at
school and in our relationships being a
good relationship team and persevering
in the relationship and so on and so
that would be reaching the full glow
expressing a wide range of these
strengths across situations so how else
might you reach your full glowing
there’s been a really important finding
in this science and it’s a it’s a
finding around what’s called signature
strengths our signature strengths are
actually a subset of these 24 strengths
that are unique to each person so these
are the strengths of the 24 that are
highest for you that are most energizing
for you most natural for you to use and
what research is finding is that and
this is across cultures that people that
use their signature strengths in new
ways each day that’s being associated in
gold-standard studies with higher
happiness
and less depression for six months I
mean to think about that just to use one
or more of your best qualities in a
little bit wider way a little bit knew
of a way a unique way but don’t just
take the scientists word for it and
don’t just take my word for it let’s
take your word for it so I want to
invite you now to select one of your
signature strengths any of the 24 here
and perhaps selecting the one that you
believe is most core to who you are most
central to your identity okay I want to
invite you to really see this strength
that you’ve chosen within you see it
clearly and appreciate it
see that it has helped you in so many
ways in your life to achieve different
things to reach your goals
it’s contributed in a positive way to
your relationships it helps you to
engage in day-to-day life maybe it’s
even helped you find deep meaning in
life see that and appreciate that
and now imagine this imagine that that
strength has been plucked out of you
you’re not allowed to use the strength
for the next month how would that feel
what would that be like to not use that
strength for the next month so if you
chose curiosity you can’t pursue
anything new you can’t pursue novelty
you can’t do anything new you can ask
any new questions you can’t explore
anything on the internet you can’t eat
any new foods you can’t go to any new
places any new restaurants for the next
month
if you chose judgement and critical
thinking you can’t be logical you can’t
be fact-based you can’t be thinking
oriented you can’t be reasonable with
people you can’t look at many ways to
solve problems you can’t look at many
details of a situation for the next
month
if you chose love you can’t be warm and
genuine in your relationships you can’t
be thoughtful to people you can’t value
close relationships you certainly can’t
even hug or kiss anybody for the next
month what would that feel like what
would that be like for any of the
strengths that you chose and so how
people used to respond to that in a word
or a phrase as they say I would feel
empty inside I would feel Hollow
I would feel depressed I would feel
devastated people say I feel viscerally
anxious and upset I felt like I was not
me I felt like I was just twiddling my
thumbs in life I felt hopeless and
helpless I felt as if I was suffocating
like I could barely breathe because my
best quality was taken from me that’s
how important your signature strengths
are unique to each person on the planet
so perhaps you’re ready to take action
take a look at this picture here this
picture it’s an illustration by Kim Jae
Hong and what do you see
sure you could say I see mountain
landscape and I see some trees in the
background the pond is there looks like
a dark day that kind of thing right now
take your left ear and place it on your
left shoulder and tilt your head like
this and now what do you see so perhaps
now you see the figures emerging from
the picture if our left side in the
middle taking up the whole picture up
toward the sky and toward the water
there’s always more to the picture
there’s always more going on beyond the
surface in every conversation everything
that we do with anybody and in order to
certainly in order to see strengths in
order to see virtues in people in order
to do something different we have to
take action with the strengths we have
to learn to tilt our head doing
something different and you might
remember this that who you are is what
you repeatedly do so who you are in this
world is what you repeatedly do so do
character strengths be your best
character strengths
how might you do that well you might
take action by first learning what your
highest strengths are and expressing
them more in your life you might take
time to savor and appreciate those
strengths you might turn to the person
next to you or to your loved one or your
child or your boyfriend/girlfriend your
spouse and talk to them about the
strengths that you see in them that you
see fairness and kindness and
forgiveness in them spot those strengths
in action you might go a step further
and see the strengths of your enemies
see the strengths of people to disagree
with you and express the strengths
widely reflect on how you use them
discuss them with other people and bring
them about every single day keep them
top of your mind qu q yourself to
remember to use your strengths and
imagine if you did that imagine if I did
that we would be creating this positive
contagion a ripple effect back and forth
that would spread to our families to our
work environments to our classrooms to
our neighborhoods to our cities and
beyond
so we can rediscover our 24 pilot lights
we can see those sparks those flickers
of light and people we can reinforce
people in our life for showing their
beam of light and you can express your
own beam of light by tapping into this
common universal language that Bond’s
all human beings so you can rediscover
your full glow and it all starts by you
and me tilting our heads thank you
[Applause]
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