when I was a kid I had an imagination
that was truly one-of-a-kind truly
one-of-a-kind I love to play
make-believe and my favorite thing to
pretend to be was an adult I kid you not
I love doing things like checking the
mail because in my mind every time an
adult’s received a letter in the mail it
was a check the postal workers were just
Santa’s elves for adults delivering
money daily on a door-to-door basis when
I was lucky enough to swindle my
brothers or my cousin’s into playing
make-believe with me my favorite thing
to play was school I was a teacher and I
had the works
I had a chalkboard I had lesson plans
and I even had assignments which may or
may not have had to be completed before
anyone could go outside or watch TV now
I think we’ve worked through this by now
but guys in the event that there are any
unresolved issues consider this my
public apology when I wasn’t so lucky or
when they were tired of being tortured
by me I was okay with playing by myself
on Saturday mornings I would get up get
dressed grab my Cabbage Patch doll get
her dress and then March my way
downstairs and play grocery shopping in
our kitchen I grabbed canned goods of
different shapes and sizes and bag them
up and then head outside to load them in
the trunk of my dad’s 1996 Chevy Corsica
I throw my baby in the backseat and then
I’d hop in the front seat and pretend to
drive to pick up my make-believe husband
from his make-believe job and then we go
to our make-believe house ours I go in
and out up and down and entertain myself
doing this for hours
life was so simple back then fast
forward to a few years ago a huge fast
forward and
working in education and realizing that
life isn’t quite that simple I’m having
a hard time paying all my bills speaking
of which I’m now avoiding checking the
mail because I hardly ever receive any
money but I am sure to find one of three
things without fail bills bid Bath and
Beyond coupons because even they know I
can’t afford to shop there and it toss
up in between wedding and baby shower
invitations I also hate grocery shopping
and I’ve been in enough near-death car
accidents where I could take or leave
driving and to top it all off I was
still playing make-believe spending way
too much time waiting in the gray area
with guys convincing myself that things
were more than they actually were I
remember crying myself to sleep on the
night of my 28th birthday I just found
out that the guy that I have been seeing
that he not only had been seeing someone
else
but had been in a relationship the
entire time that was the tip of the
iceberg I was settling and I was upset
because the life that I had been
settling for it was starting to crumble
and I had no control this was not the
plan how did I get here
my expectations by definition
expectation is the belief that someone
will or should accomplish something from
childhood I had an expectation of how my
life would go when I insert my 20s I had
an expectation that by the time I turn
30
I will be married to my college
sweetheart have my dream job in car and
live a lavish life with my girls by my
side at this point I was only two years
away from 30 and I was single with no
prospects I was working in a field
I swore I’d stay away from working
part-time at j.crew so I could actually
afford to wear their clothes and
grieving the loss of friendships that I
thought would last forever for months I
went through waves of depression I was
disappointed I was insecure and
overwhelmed because I had an expectation
that life would be different you see I
was constantly comparing my life
timeline to my social media timeline
always falling short to my peers who
were constantly posting statuses of
engagements hash tag is the fiance
buying homes hash tag major moves
getting dream jobs hash tag boss life
and having babies hash tag baby makes
three but then something happened and
everything changed in July of that year
just four months after my 28th birthday
Sandra bland lost her life we were the
same age we were the same age
I remember reading article after article
about how full of life she was and how
excited she was to finally start a new
position not knowing that she would
never make it to her start date in
August chills
I had chills thinking about the fact
that she had never gotten married had
never turned 30 had never made it into
her career and she never would that year
at 28 I learned the significance of
being grateful you see the thing about
expectation is that sometimes it
distracts us from paying attention to
the things that are actually important
on New Year’s Eve of 2015 I made a
decision that I would not enter the year
filling any other emotion but gratitude
I decided to start a gratitude jar
everyday I would jot down a note of
things and drop it into a jar on the
outside of that jar
I had a scripture from Psalm 103 that
read may I never forget the good things
that he does for me he fills my life
with good things day after day for 365
days I was able to practically see that
scripture come to life
gratitude became the chaser
that helped to soothe the sting of
disappointment on my 29th birthday I
decided to stop regretting the lessons
the experiences that I had from my 20s
and I just wanted to look for the
lessons I decided to write a list a very
long list of lessons that I have learned
in my 20s some of my hardest moments
taught me some of my most cherished
lessons it was in my 20s that I learned
that you either let go or prepare to be
dragged
I learned that loyalty to anyone should
never come at the cost of betrayal to
myself I learned to lead people better
than I found them I learned that
self-love is essential and self-care is
a spiritual act
I learned to bloom wherever I’m planted
and one of my least favorite one of my
least favorite professors taught me one
of my most cherished lessons Sankofa so
go back and fetch it it’s the idea that
there’s wisdom and learning from your
past in order to move forward with your
future as I got closer and closer to 30
I became excited because this was going
to be a fresh start I have learned so
many lessons in my 20s that I was ready
to hop right on into my 30s on the day
after my 30th birthday I wrote a prayer
thanking God for another year of life as
I was writing a scripture from Luke 5
came to mind unless a seed falls down to
the ground and dies it remains just a
single seed that scripture really
focuses on the fact that we have to let
go of our idea of life in order to
experience the fullness that happens
only when we surrender I vowed that for
the year of 30 I would take a 52 week
challenge of practicing gratitude and
faith I became hopeful because it was
clear that the more than I let go of my
expectations and just focus on managing
what I have been trusted with more will
come my way in fact better will come my
way for the past 24 weeks I found
inspiration and everything from the
Bible to Beyonce each week I create a
hash tag of my own to remind myself that
there are no timelines or comparison
this life was created specific
for me both for good and the bad times
there was week two when I started to
fool down about the dating scene and I
had to remind myself hashtag
know yourself know your worth there was
week seven when I decided to step out on
faith and present an idea that I have
been sitting on since high school
hashtag grinds a lot on it Thank You
queen bee
there was week 11 when the plans for
that idea
fell through and I had to pray to God
for peace to accept the things that I
cannot change and courage to change the
things that I can hashtag serenity
prayer
there was week 19 when I realized that
God had delivered the answer to my
prayers and a guy someone who was
easygoing and completely unfazed by my
adorkable ways and he is
hashtag easy like Sunday morning there
was week 22 when I started to question
if I was qualified or even adult enough
to stand up here on this stage hashtag
don’t just talk the talk don’t get me
wrong I have moments where I question if
I’m doing this whole thing right with 30
comes a whole new series of struggles I
literally have days where I sit at work
and I question it’s very great area
between winning and losing I don’t think
I’m losing but this doesn’t quite feel
like winning in all of this I’m learning
what it means to be vulnerable I’m
choosing to be honest about the fact
that I’m doing the best that I can with
what I have I choose to be open about my
insecurities my failures disappointments
and my constant need to reset my
expectations so much so that that
vulnerability and that surrender has
brought me here today
with you all and the opportunity to
challenge you all to just give up let’s
all give up our idea of how life should
have gone or should have been and
surrender to the life that’s waiting for
us as we all try to figure this adulting
thing out let’s be grateful for the
things that we have experienced hopeful
for what’s yet to come and vulnerable
about the hiccups in between and with
that I leave you guys in the middle of
week 25 with hashtag Cinco fuh thank you
[Applause]
that was truly one-of-a-kind truly
one-of-a-kind I love to play
make-believe and my favorite thing to
pretend to be was an adult I kid you not
I love doing things like checking the
mail because in my mind every time an
adult’s received a letter in the mail it
was a check the postal workers were just
Santa’s elves for adults delivering
money daily on a door-to-door basis when
I was lucky enough to swindle my
brothers or my cousin’s into playing
make-believe with me my favorite thing
to play was school I was a teacher and I
had the works
I had a chalkboard I had lesson plans
and I even had assignments which may or
may not have had to be completed before
anyone could go outside or watch TV now
I think we’ve worked through this by now
but guys in the event that there are any
unresolved issues consider this my
public apology when I wasn’t so lucky or
when they were tired of being tortured
by me I was okay with playing by myself
on Saturday mornings I would get up get
dressed grab my Cabbage Patch doll get
her dress and then March my way
downstairs and play grocery shopping in
our kitchen I grabbed canned goods of
different shapes and sizes and bag them
up and then head outside to load them in
the trunk of my dad’s 1996 Chevy Corsica
I throw my baby in the backseat and then
I’d hop in the front seat and pretend to
drive to pick up my make-believe husband
from his make-believe job and then we go
to our make-believe house ours I go in
and out up and down and entertain myself
doing this for hours
life was so simple back then fast
forward to a few years ago a huge fast
forward and
working in education and realizing that
life isn’t quite that simple I’m having
a hard time paying all my bills speaking
of which I’m now avoiding checking the
mail because I hardly ever receive any
money but I am sure to find one of three
things without fail bills bid Bath and
Beyond coupons because even they know I
can’t afford to shop there and it toss
up in between wedding and baby shower
invitations I also hate grocery shopping
and I’ve been in enough near-death car
accidents where I could take or leave
driving and to top it all off I was
still playing make-believe spending way
too much time waiting in the gray area
with guys convincing myself that things
were more than they actually were I
remember crying myself to sleep on the
night of my 28th birthday I just found
out that the guy that I have been seeing
that he not only had been seeing someone
else
but had been in a relationship the
entire time that was the tip of the
iceberg I was settling and I was upset
because the life that I had been
settling for it was starting to crumble
and I had no control this was not the
plan how did I get here
my expectations by definition
expectation is the belief that someone
will or should accomplish something from
childhood I had an expectation of how my
life would go when I insert my 20s I had
an expectation that by the time I turn
30
I will be married to my college
sweetheart have my dream job in car and
live a lavish life with my girls by my
side at this point I was only two years
away from 30 and I was single with no
prospects I was working in a field
I swore I’d stay away from working
part-time at j.crew so I could actually
afford to wear their clothes and
grieving the loss of friendships that I
thought would last forever for months I
went through waves of depression I was
disappointed I was insecure and
overwhelmed because I had an expectation
that life would be different you see I
was constantly comparing my life
timeline to my social media timeline
always falling short to my peers who
were constantly posting statuses of
engagements hash tag is the fiance
buying homes hash tag major moves
getting dream jobs hash tag boss life
and having babies hash tag baby makes
three but then something happened and
everything changed in July of that year
just four months after my 28th birthday
Sandra bland lost her life we were the
same age we were the same age
I remember reading article after article
about how full of life she was and how
excited she was to finally start a new
position not knowing that she would
never make it to her start date in
August chills
I had chills thinking about the fact
that she had never gotten married had
never turned 30 had never made it into
her career and she never would that year
at 28 I learned the significance of
being grateful you see the thing about
expectation is that sometimes it
distracts us from paying attention to
the things that are actually important
on New Year’s Eve of 2015 I made a
decision that I would not enter the year
filling any other emotion but gratitude
I decided to start a gratitude jar
everyday I would jot down a note of
things and drop it into a jar on the
outside of that jar
I had a scripture from Psalm 103 that
read may I never forget the good things
that he does for me he fills my life
with good things day after day for 365
days I was able to practically see that
scripture come to life
gratitude became the chaser
that helped to soothe the sting of
disappointment on my 29th birthday I
decided to stop regretting the lessons
the experiences that I had from my 20s
and I just wanted to look for the
lessons I decided to write a list a very
long list of lessons that I have learned
in my 20s some of my hardest moments
taught me some of my most cherished
lessons it was in my 20s that I learned
that you either let go or prepare to be
dragged
I learned that loyalty to anyone should
never come at the cost of betrayal to
myself I learned to lead people better
than I found them I learned that
self-love is essential and self-care is
a spiritual act
I learned to bloom wherever I’m planted
and one of my least favorite one of my
least favorite professors taught me one
of my most cherished lessons Sankofa so
go back and fetch it it’s the idea that
there’s wisdom and learning from your
past in order to move forward with your
future as I got closer and closer to 30
I became excited because this was going
to be a fresh start I have learned so
many lessons in my 20s that I was ready
to hop right on into my 30s on the day
after my 30th birthday I wrote a prayer
thanking God for another year of life as
I was writing a scripture from Luke 5
came to mind unless a seed falls down to
the ground and dies it remains just a
single seed that scripture really
focuses on the fact that we have to let
go of our idea of life in order to
experience the fullness that happens
only when we surrender I vowed that for
the year of 30 I would take a 52 week
challenge of practicing gratitude and
faith I became hopeful because it was
clear that the more than I let go of my
expectations and just focus on managing
what I have been trusted with more will
come my way in fact better will come my
way for the past 24 weeks I found
inspiration and everything from the
Bible to Beyonce each week I create a
hash tag of my own to remind myself that
there are no timelines or comparison
this life was created specific
for me both for good and the bad times
there was week two when I started to
fool down about the dating scene and I
had to remind myself hashtag
know yourself know your worth there was
week seven when I decided to step out on
faith and present an idea that I have
been sitting on since high school
hashtag grinds a lot on it Thank You
queen bee
there was week 11 when the plans for
that idea
fell through and I had to pray to God
for peace to accept the things that I
cannot change and courage to change the
things that I can hashtag serenity
prayer
there was week 19 when I realized that
God had delivered the answer to my
prayers and a guy someone who was
easygoing and completely unfazed by my
adorkable ways and he is
hashtag easy like Sunday morning there
was week 22 when I started to question
if I was qualified or even adult enough
to stand up here on this stage hashtag
don’t just talk the talk don’t get me
wrong I have moments where I question if
I’m doing this whole thing right with 30
comes a whole new series of struggles I
literally have days where I sit at work
and I question it’s very great area
between winning and losing I don’t think
I’m losing but this doesn’t quite feel
like winning in all of this I’m learning
what it means to be vulnerable I’m
choosing to be honest about the fact
that I’m doing the best that I can with
what I have I choose to be open about my
insecurities my failures disappointments
and my constant need to reset my
expectations so much so that that
vulnerability and that surrender has
brought me here today
with you all and the opportunity to
challenge you all to just give up let’s
all give up our idea of how life should
have gone or should have been and
surrender to the life that’s waiting for
us as we all try to figure this adulting
thing out let’s be grateful for the
things that we have experienced hopeful
for what’s yet to come and vulnerable
about the hiccups in between and with
that I leave you guys in the middle of
week 25 with hashtag Cinco fuh thank you
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: