we’re a culture that’s highly attuned to
what’s beautiful and moving about love
we know it’s high points and celebrate
its ecstasy’s in films and songs by
comparison work is the dull tedious bit
the thing we have to do to pay the bills
and yet what’s striking is how often
work despite its lack of glamour in fact
turns out to be the easier more
enjoyable and ultimately more humane
part of life there are a number of
reasons work demands that all who walk
through the office door must behave
professionally and what behaving
professionally essentially means is that
situations where you’re deep inside
tempted to explode insult curse and weep
require you to handle yourself with
stoic calm and reserved at work you
can’t really be yourself and nor can
others around you which could sound a
little fake and therefore inauthentic
and plastic but this lack of honesty may
in fact be an extremely welcome
development after we’ve spent a little
too long in an atmosphere where everyone
feels a duty to be utterly frank and an
uncensored correspondent of their every
inner mood and qualms the assumption of
most jobs is that people who begin them
don’t have the first clue about what’s
going on you’re not expected to know the
machinery or the protocols by intuition
alone therefore you’re sent on training
programmes and given extensive manuals
to read it might be two years before
you’re supposed to understand very much
at all there is no such luxury
for lovers who are meant to get one
another by immediate instinct and take a
speedy comprehension to be a proof of
the sincerity of their love sometimes
lovers will even say that they knew they
were meant to be together
because they could communicate without
needing to speak but outside of the
initial weeks of love such romantic
aspirations are a pure catastrophe which
lead lovers to a bias against ever
explaining themselves and their desires
with appropriate patience and
thoroughness faithfully for our chances
of happiness in the romantic ideology
love is understood to be an enthusiasm
rather than what it really is a skill
that needs to be learned
everyone hates reviews at work
but what deeply kind phenomena they
actually are compared with what goes on
at home
reviews are steeped in a culture of tact
one rather tough remark has to be
wrapped in at least seven compliments
work culture knows that people don’t
improve and can take new ideas on board
if they’re feeling threatened and
humiliated home life finds us far less
able to be competent teachers
we’re so panicked and frightened by the
thought that the other person can’t do
what we want them to even if we haven’t
actually ever explained it we take to
trying to teach them by slamming doors
and calling them idiots or worse sadly
no one’s ever learned very much under
conditions of hysteria furthermore we’re
likely to feel that being taught
anything by a lover contravenes the
rules of love we think we need to be
loved just for being who we are though
we are all of course terribly flawed we
imagine that love has nothing to do with
education and that the lover who tries
to point something out to us is
therefore always just be nasty rather
than doing what all lovers should in
fact do which is their utmost to improve
those they care about through their love
we rely on work of course but we’d
survive if it came to an end that’s not
the feeling we often get around love
especially when there are a couple of
kids in a mortgage in common and the
more we depend on someone the more
alarmed we get by any disappointment at
their hands we aren’t nastier around
love per se we’re just a whole lot more
dependent which can end up looking like
the same thing running a nuclear power
station or landing large jets is hardly
simple but one should insist still very
much easier than trying to be happy
around another human being in a sexual
relationship lasting many decades there
is simply nothing harder in this world
so complicated a we so higher our
expectations and so very poor is our
romantic culture at helping us to raise
the quality of our levels of patience
our insights our feedback sessions and
our training manuals no wonder we’re
often really quite happy when it’s
finally Monday morning again and we can
leave the house and do something
properly simple with our lives once again
what’s beautiful and moving about love
we know it’s high points and celebrate
its ecstasy’s in films and songs by
comparison work is the dull tedious bit
the thing we have to do to pay the bills
and yet what’s striking is how often
work despite its lack of glamour in fact
turns out to be the easier more
enjoyable and ultimately more humane
part of life there are a number of
reasons work demands that all who walk
through the office door must behave
professionally and what behaving
professionally essentially means is that
situations where you’re deep inside
tempted to explode insult curse and weep
require you to handle yourself with
stoic calm and reserved at work you
can’t really be yourself and nor can
others around you which could sound a
little fake and therefore inauthentic
and plastic but this lack of honesty may
in fact be an extremely welcome
development after we’ve spent a little
too long in an atmosphere where everyone
feels a duty to be utterly frank and an
uncensored correspondent of their every
inner mood and qualms the assumption of
most jobs is that people who begin them
don’t have the first clue about what’s
going on you’re not expected to know the
machinery or the protocols by intuition
alone therefore you’re sent on training
programmes and given extensive manuals
to read it might be two years before
you’re supposed to understand very much
at all there is no such luxury
for lovers who are meant to get one
another by immediate instinct and take a
speedy comprehension to be a proof of
the sincerity of their love sometimes
lovers will even say that they knew they
were meant to be together
because they could communicate without
needing to speak but outside of the
initial weeks of love such romantic
aspirations are a pure catastrophe which
lead lovers to a bias against ever
explaining themselves and their desires
with appropriate patience and
thoroughness faithfully for our chances
of happiness in the romantic ideology
love is understood to be an enthusiasm
rather than what it really is a skill
that needs to be learned
everyone hates reviews at work
but what deeply kind phenomena they
actually are compared with what goes on
at home
reviews are steeped in a culture of tact
one rather tough remark has to be
wrapped in at least seven compliments
work culture knows that people don’t
improve and can take new ideas on board
if they’re feeling threatened and
humiliated home life finds us far less
able to be competent teachers
we’re so panicked and frightened by the
thought that the other person can’t do
what we want them to even if we haven’t
actually ever explained it we take to
trying to teach them by slamming doors
and calling them idiots or worse sadly
no one’s ever learned very much under
conditions of hysteria furthermore we’re
likely to feel that being taught
anything by a lover contravenes the
rules of love we think we need to be
loved just for being who we are though
we are all of course terribly flawed we
imagine that love has nothing to do with
education and that the lover who tries
to point something out to us is
therefore always just be nasty rather
than doing what all lovers should in
fact do which is their utmost to improve
those they care about through their love
we rely on work of course but we’d
survive if it came to an end that’s not
the feeling we often get around love
especially when there are a couple of
kids in a mortgage in common and the
more we depend on someone the more
alarmed we get by any disappointment at
their hands we aren’t nastier around
love per se we’re just a whole lot more
dependent which can end up looking like
the same thing running a nuclear power
station or landing large jets is hardly
simple but one should insist still very
much easier than trying to be happy
around another human being in a sexual
relationship lasting many decades there
is simply nothing harder in this world
so complicated a we so higher our
expectations and so very poor is our
romantic culture at helping us to raise
the quality of our levels of patience
our insights our feedback sessions and
our training manuals no wonder we’re
often really quite happy when it’s
finally Monday morning again and we can
leave the house and do something
properly simple with our lives once again
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