The shortcomings of friends, colleagues, and lovers sometimes make us angry.
We have been attracted by their abilities and strengths.
But after a while, our perception of them may be based on the disappointing side of their personality.
We thought about it when we thought about their mistakes.
Why are they what they are now?
Why are you so dragging? Why is it so unreliable?
How can they not even say a thing, how can you tell an interesting thing so boring?
Why can’t they face bad news?
Worse, we even think they can change,
If they really want to, if they are not so mean.
In this extraordinarily annoying moment, we need to remember one
It is called the theory of “accompanied by the disadvantages of advantages.”
This theory requires us to try to treat people’s shortcomings as their inseparable negatives that at first attract our strengths.
And although it is not obvious now, we will benefit from these “disadvantages” sooner or later.
What we see is not just their shortcomings.
It is the shadow cast by the advantages that do exist in them.
The shortcomings we come into contact with are derived from their strengths.
In the 1870s, American novelist Henry James and the then famous Russian novelist Ivan Tourgueniev became good friends in Paris.
Henry James was deeply attracted by the Russian writer’s unhurried, calm and calm writing style.
Obviously, Tourgueniev will take a long time to write a sentence.
Weigh, modify, and polish the rhetoric, until everything is perfect.
This is an ambitious and inspiring way of writing.
And these same virtues make his companion annoying in private and social life.
He will send a note on the day before he was invited to lunch, explaining that he can’t come.
Then I sent another one and said that he was very much looking forward to seeing him.
. He eventually appeared two hours after the appointed time.
Arranging anything with him can be a nightmare.
However, it is these social shortcomings,
Made him an attractive writer.
The same is not slow, the same swing until the last second.
These qualities have spawned masterpieces.
It also led to confusion at the dinner.
By reflecting on the personality characteristics of Tourgueniev,
Henry James pointed out that
His Russian friends showed their “advantages of strength.”
This theory is to say –
One advantage per person has a corresponding disadvantage.
And this shortcoming is an inherent part of the merits.
Only the advantages, not the shortcomings associated with it, are impossible.
Advantages and disadvantages come together.
It is impossible for a person to have all the advantages.
This theory can help us calm down when the emotional crisis is about to break out.
Because it changes the perspective of our shortcomings, shortcomings, and disadvantages.
Our brains tend to emphasize the main position of merit alone.
Think of the shortcomings as an anomalous suffix.
But in fact, these shortcomings are a vital part of the merits.
This theory effectively spurred the foundation of the idea that might not help –
If we look harder, we will always find someone who is perfect every moment.
If the advantages are always closely linked to the shortcomings,
Then even if you look far, no one will be innocent.
Maybe we will find that people have their own strengths,
But then they will find a series of shortcomings on them.
We always need a period of time to remind ourselves of that incredible conclusion –
The perfect person does not exist at all.
We have been attracted by their abilities and strengths.
But after a while, our perception of them may be based on the disappointing side of their personality.
We thought about it when we thought about their mistakes.
Why are they what they are now?
Why are you so dragging? Why is it so unreliable?
How can they not even say a thing, how can you tell an interesting thing so boring?
Why can’t they face bad news?
Worse, we even think they can change,
If they really want to, if they are not so mean.
In this extraordinarily annoying moment, we need to remember one
It is called the theory of “accompanied by the disadvantages of advantages.”
This theory requires us to try to treat people’s shortcomings as their inseparable negatives that at first attract our strengths.
And although it is not obvious now, we will benefit from these “disadvantages” sooner or later.
What we see is not just their shortcomings.
It is the shadow cast by the advantages that do exist in them.
The shortcomings we come into contact with are derived from their strengths.
In the 1870s, American novelist Henry James and the then famous Russian novelist Ivan Tourgueniev became good friends in Paris.
Henry James was deeply attracted by the Russian writer’s unhurried, calm and calm writing style.
Obviously, Tourgueniev will take a long time to write a sentence.
Weigh, modify, and polish the rhetoric, until everything is perfect.
This is an ambitious and inspiring way of writing.
And these same virtues make his companion annoying in private and social life.
He will send a note on the day before he was invited to lunch, explaining that he can’t come.
Then I sent another one and said that he was very much looking forward to seeing him.
. He eventually appeared two hours after the appointed time.
Arranging anything with him can be a nightmare.
However, it is these social shortcomings,
Made him an attractive writer.
The same is not slow, the same swing until the last second.
These qualities have spawned masterpieces.
It also led to confusion at the dinner.
By reflecting on the personality characteristics of Tourgueniev,
Henry James pointed out that
His Russian friends showed their “advantages of strength.”
This theory is to say –
One advantage per person has a corresponding disadvantage.
And this shortcoming is an inherent part of the merits.
Only the advantages, not the shortcomings associated with it, are impossible.
Advantages and disadvantages come together.
It is impossible for a person to have all the advantages.
This theory can help us calm down when the emotional crisis is about to break out.
Because it changes the perspective of our shortcomings, shortcomings, and disadvantages.
Our brains tend to emphasize the main position of merit alone.
Think of the shortcomings as an anomalous suffix.
But in fact, these shortcomings are a vital part of the merits.
This theory effectively spurred the foundation of the idea that might not help –
If we look harder, we will always find someone who is perfect every moment.
If the advantages are always closely linked to the shortcomings,
Then even if you look far, no one will be innocent.
Maybe we will find that people have their own strengths,
But then they will find a series of shortcomings on them.
We always need a period of time to remind ourselves of that incredible conclusion –
The perfect person does not exist at all.
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