one of the most subtly hurtful and
quietly damning of all remarks
perhaps sweetly delivered on the
doorstep at the end of a long evening
with the taxi still hovering somewhere
just out of sight is the suggestion that
we should in the end probably remain
just good friends
we know exactly what to understand by
this the path towards a tender future is
being gently but firmly closed off we
are with a smile being shunted into the
category of the failed the ignored and
the lightly despised the other must in
some way have worked out the despicable
truths about us all the ones that we
tried so hard to disguise and even to
believe didn’t exist and has logically
decided to take their leave we returned
crushed to an apartment which we had
left with butterflies and elevated hopes
only a few hours before we hear the
invitation to a friendship as synonymous
with insult because our romantic culture
has continuously from a young age made
one thing sharply clear to us love is
the purpose of existence friendship is
the poultry depleted consolation prize
though this seems like unsurprising
common sense what should detain us and
encourage us to probe a little at the
claims made on Love’s behalf is one
basic source of evidence the behavior
level of satisfaction and state of mind
of those engaged in love if we were to
judge love chiefly by its impact by the
extent of the tears the depths of the
frustrations the viciousness of the
insults that unfold in its name we
wouldn’t continue to rate it as we do
and might indeed mistake it for a form
of illness or aberration of the mind the
scenes that typically unfold between
lovers
would scarcely be considered imaginable
outside of conditions of open hostility
those we love we honor with our worst
moods
our most unfair accusations are most
wounding insults it’s to our lovers that
we direct a blame for everything that’s
gone wrong in our lives it’s they we
expect know everything we mean without
bothering to explain it it’s to their
minor errors and misunderstandings that
we respond with sulks and rage and by
comparison in friendship the supposedly
worthless and inferior state whose
mention should crush us at the end of a
date we bring our highest and noblest
virtues here we are patient encouraging
tolerant funny and most of all kind we
expect a little less and therefore by
extension forgive an infinite amount
more we don’t presume that we will be
fully understood and so treat failings
lightly and humanely we don’t imagine
that our friends should admire us
without reserve and stick by us whatever
we do and so we put in effort and behave
pleasing ourselves as well as our
companions along the way we are in a
company of our friends our best selves
paradoxically it’s friendship that
offers us the real root to the pleasures
that romanticism associates with love
that this sounds surprising is only a
reflection of how underdeveloped our
day-to-day vision of friendship has
become we associate it with a casual
acquaintance we see once in a while to
exchange inconsequential and shallow
banter but real friendship is something
altogether more profound and worthy of
exaltation it is an arena in which two
people can get a sense of each other’s
vulnerabilities appreciate each other’s
follies without recrimination reassure
one another as to their value and greet
the sorrows and tragedies of existence
with wit and warmth culturally and
collectively we have made a momentous
mistake which has left us both lonelier
and more disappointed than we ever
needed to be in a better world our most
serious goal would not be to locate one
special love
with whom to replace all other humans it
would be to put our intelligence and
energy into identifying and nurturing a
circle of true friends at the end of an
evening we would learn to say to certain
prospective companions with an
embarrassed smile as we invited them
inside knowing that this would come
across as a properly painful rejection
I’m so sorry
if you liked this film please subscribe
to our channel and click the Bell icon to turn on notifications
quietly damning of all remarks
perhaps sweetly delivered on the
doorstep at the end of a long evening
with the taxi still hovering somewhere
just out of sight is the suggestion that
we should in the end probably remain
just good friends
we know exactly what to understand by
this the path towards a tender future is
being gently but firmly closed off we
are with a smile being shunted into the
category of the failed the ignored and
the lightly despised the other must in
some way have worked out the despicable
truths about us all the ones that we
tried so hard to disguise and even to
believe didn’t exist and has logically
decided to take their leave we returned
crushed to an apartment which we had
left with butterflies and elevated hopes
only a few hours before we hear the
invitation to a friendship as synonymous
with insult because our romantic culture
has continuously from a young age made
one thing sharply clear to us love is
the purpose of existence friendship is
the poultry depleted consolation prize
though this seems like unsurprising
common sense what should detain us and
encourage us to probe a little at the
claims made on Love’s behalf is one
basic source of evidence the behavior
level of satisfaction and state of mind
of those engaged in love if we were to
judge love chiefly by its impact by the
extent of the tears the depths of the
frustrations the viciousness of the
insults that unfold in its name we
wouldn’t continue to rate it as we do
and might indeed mistake it for a form
of illness or aberration of the mind the
scenes that typically unfold between
lovers
would scarcely be considered imaginable
outside of conditions of open hostility
those we love we honor with our worst
moods
our most unfair accusations are most
wounding insults it’s to our lovers that
we direct a blame for everything that’s
gone wrong in our lives it’s they we
expect know everything we mean without
bothering to explain it it’s to their
minor errors and misunderstandings that
we respond with sulks and rage and by
comparison in friendship the supposedly
worthless and inferior state whose
mention should crush us at the end of a
date we bring our highest and noblest
virtues here we are patient encouraging
tolerant funny and most of all kind we
expect a little less and therefore by
extension forgive an infinite amount
more we don’t presume that we will be
fully understood and so treat failings
lightly and humanely we don’t imagine
that our friends should admire us
without reserve and stick by us whatever
we do and so we put in effort and behave
pleasing ourselves as well as our
companions along the way we are in a
company of our friends our best selves
paradoxically it’s friendship that
offers us the real root to the pleasures
that romanticism associates with love
that this sounds surprising is only a
reflection of how underdeveloped our
day-to-day vision of friendship has
become we associate it with a casual
acquaintance we see once in a while to
exchange inconsequential and shallow
banter but real friendship is something
altogether more profound and worthy of
exaltation it is an arena in which two
people can get a sense of each other’s
vulnerabilities appreciate each other’s
follies without recrimination reassure
one another as to their value and greet
the sorrows and tragedies of existence
with wit and warmth culturally and
collectively we have made a momentous
mistake which has left us both lonelier
and more disappointed than we ever
needed to be in a better world our most
serious goal would not be to locate one
special love
with whom to replace all other humans it
would be to put our intelligence and
energy into identifying and nurturing a
circle of true friends at the end of an
evening we would learn to say to certain
prospective companions with an
embarrassed smile as we invited them
inside knowing that this would come
across as a properly painful rejection
I’m so sorry
if you liked this film please subscribe
to our channel and click the Bell icon to turn on notifications
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