In most of human history,
The idea of refinement remained central to our understanding of what it takes to prepare a person well and civilized.
At present, however, it has become dubious.
It may seem false, a little deceptive, and even rude in a special way.
We often tend to prefer the idea of being frank, and to tell what is going on in our minds.
The increase in collective suspicion of refinement has a history.
It was customary to have the discipline essential to our education.
Ethics, books, and behavioral guidelines were all considered necessary.
But in the late eighteenth century this trend was exposed to tabulation.
An alternative romantic idea emerged
Where a large part was presented by the Swiss philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau,
Which strongly re-described the refinement as an indicator of submissiveness and deception,
He argued for the fact that one is always honest with oneself.
Granting the Romantics’ suspicion of refining the growing role of the United States is a stronger boost.
Openness and transparency in the eyes of the Americans themselves one of their national advantages,
The act envelops the famous saying in “Gone with the Wind”.
When Ritler turns to Scarlett O’Hara and tells her how he feels exactly:
“Honestly, my dear, I do not care at all.”
And because America has had the greatest impact on world culture for about a century and a half,
Its attitude toward refinement has spread and has become widely known throughout the planet ever since.
What essentially separates the polite person from the outspoken person is not really his knowledge of the rules of conduct.
It does not really concern any knife that will be used for a formal dinner, or when to say (please) or (thank you)
Or how to write a wedding invitation.
It comes down to a variety of different beliefs about human nature.
The polite person and the outspoken person behave differently.
The reason for this is that they see the world in two very different ways.
These are some of the fundamental ideological issues that separate them.
Open people believe in the importance of expressing themselves honestly.
Because they are primarily confident that what they think and feel will always prove to be acceptable to the world.
And that their sincere feelings and opinions when expressed would be of course stimulating – without any negative impact.
The outsiders assume that what they honestly say can never express hatred, disgust, arrogance, or cruelty.
In this sense, the polite person will see himself similar to the way we normally see young children: blessed with the original innate goodness.
Even the most aware of our etiquette does not believe that the limitations of discipline will apply to very young people.
We are still interested in hearing anything that might pass through the minds of these meager creatures
We remain oblivious to their strange behavior or negative statements.
If they say that pasta is nasty or that the head of the taxi driver looks like a strange goldfish,
The situation will seem funny rather than offensive.
People openly believe that their basic purity weakens the rationale for self-censorship.
They can believe that everything about them – more or less – will prove to be good, as well as anything they say or do.
The polite man, on the contrary, lives with burning doubts about himself and his motives.
They feel that much of what they feel and want is not very nice.
They are in close contact with the darkest of their desires, and they can realize their passing hopes by hurting or humiliating people.
They know that they are sometimes rebellious and can not forget the extent to which they might be aggressive or frightening to others.
So they prepare a plan and a strategy to protect others from what they know to be deep inside.
This is not a lie, but all they understand is that they themselves are the ones who carry enormous pain to spare everyone experience,
And in particular anyone who claims to be interested in it.
The outsider acts on the assumption of a magical intuition that other people look much like him inside.
Which makes them very sociable and allows them to form some of the intimate relations amazing cross the social barriers at high speed.
When they love to listen to a certain musical instrument aloud, they will see that it is obvious that you also want to listen to it.
Because they are very excited about spicy food, or do not ever want to add salt to a dish,
They will not even ask you if you really prefer this restaurant, or if you prefer to place the salted on the table.
For them the polite person begins by assuming that others are very likely to be in a completely different place from within, no matter how external appearances.
And therefore their behavior is hesitant and cautious and full of inquiries.
They will openly test with others to gauge their experiences and aspirations.
If they feel cold, they are very aware of the possibility that you feel full warmth,
And so they will grumble the trouble of your question while you are reluctant to close the window.
They have the realization that you may be upset by a joke they find very funny, or that you are loyal to political opinions in complete disagreement with their views.
Their methods are based on a strong sense of the gap that can separate one person from another.
The outspoken person acts in an implicit sense that others – most of them – are very strong internally.
People around them will not remain forever on the verge of self-confidence and self-hatred.
They are not supposed to be too thin and in constant danger of deflation.
So they understand that there is no need to show small signs of permanent reassurance and assertion.
When you go to someone’s house, the fact that the meal was delicious, will be obvious to everyone,
Not the least one who spent four and a half hours cooking.
There is therefore no need to emphasize this point in several separate ways.
The newcomer in the office must have a very clear feeling that he is doing well without having to stop and say so.
The outsider assumes that -I-for all is at least as big and powerful as it should be.
The polite person in another case starts from a contradictory assumption that all of us are permanently only a few millimeters away from internal collapse, despair and self-hatred.
No matter how confident we seem to be, we are painfully vulnerable to the feeling that we are disliked and do not care.
We all walk around without cover covering us.
Accordingly, the polite person will spend a lot of time in observation and positive comments on the most seemingly secondary details.
They will say that the watercress soup was the best they ate for years.
They will remember the action on the Mexico deal was really very useful, and it was noted in the whole company.
They will know that everyone we meet has tremendous power to hurt us with what we foolishly call “small things.”
There will be an interrelated difference in the way that an honest and polite person behaves in the service context.
Open people do not feel any great need to express gratitude.
The waiter or the person in the car hire office feels that there is no need for kindness with the money they will actually receive from the deal.
But the polite person knows that we need to find respect and form of love from our business as much as we need money.
So they will be aware of the additional need to contribute a smile and a nice word or two.
These people do their jobs for money, of course,
But the fare never stops emotional hunger equal to the feeling that it was useful, attentive, and appreciated by someone else.
The outspoken person is often very nice, but in an overwhelming manner. They are interested in the tremendous work of generosity and generosity towards the major humanitarian divisions,
Perhaps a rescue operation for the entire continent of Africa or a plan to give every child in the country an equal start in life.
But the consequences of their enthusiasm may be certain patients with small movements and gestures.
Feel that there is no goal in wasting time and spending money by sending flowers to people, writing notes after dinner or remembering birthdays
– When the fundamental change of the humanitarian situation is within reach.
A person who is courteous also cares about his passionate passion by spreading compassion, love and good on a large scale, and is still keen to do so with any realistic time horizon.
However, he has a belief that he can not improve the things of a huge number of people in the coming decades,
Making him feel that he is still a worthy target to make a modest and modest improvement
In the lives of few people who have direct contact with them in the current time and time.
They may never be able to fully transform another person’s horizons or save entire species from their pain,
But they can smile and stand talking for 5 minutes with a neighbor about the weather.
Their humility, wherever they are, makes them very sensitive to the value of small things that can be done before the day ends.
The outspoken person has a high degree of confidence in his ability to govern relatively quickly and long term
What is right and wrong in a particular situation.
Feel that they can judge from acting well or badly, and what is the appropriate course of action to be done in any dilemma.
This gives them the confidence to be angry because of anything stupid and to break bridges with people who are becoming angry with them.
The polite person is not confident.
He realizes that what he feels strongly about today may not be what he will feel next week.
He knows how he can easily understand everything in the wrong way.
They are willing to spread a soft and hesitant language, limiting criticism as much as possible.
They will suggest that the idea may not be quite good.
They will say that the project is attractive but it may be interesting to look for alternatives as well,
They will take into consideration the point of view of their intellectual opponent.
They are not only lying or evading difficult decisions.
Their behavior is indicative of a new belief that is required that some ideas are completely useless.
There are no 100% wrong suggestions
Almost nobody is completely idiot.
They know that good and evil are deceptively linked.
Discipline is their intelligent response to the complexity of the world.
Both frank and polite people naturally have important lessons to learn,
But may be at this stage of history,
The characteristic wisdom of a polite person is in fact the best to be rediscovered
Which may have the most effective ability to mitigate some of the most severe and aggressive results
And even counterproductive in the ideology of the “outspoken” authoritarian.
Translation: team translate autrjim @
The idea of refinement remained central to our understanding of what it takes to prepare a person well and civilized.
At present, however, it has become dubious.
It may seem false, a little deceptive, and even rude in a special way.
We often tend to prefer the idea of being frank, and to tell what is going on in our minds.
The increase in collective suspicion of refinement has a history.
It was customary to have the discipline essential to our education.
Ethics, books, and behavioral guidelines were all considered necessary.
But in the late eighteenth century this trend was exposed to tabulation.
An alternative romantic idea emerged
Where a large part was presented by the Swiss philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau,
Which strongly re-described the refinement as an indicator of submissiveness and deception,
He argued for the fact that one is always honest with oneself.
Granting the Romantics’ suspicion of refining the growing role of the United States is a stronger boost.
Openness and transparency in the eyes of the Americans themselves one of their national advantages,
The act envelops the famous saying in “Gone with the Wind”.
When Ritler turns to Scarlett O’Hara and tells her how he feels exactly:
“Honestly, my dear, I do not care at all.”
And because America has had the greatest impact on world culture for about a century and a half,
Its attitude toward refinement has spread and has become widely known throughout the planet ever since.
What essentially separates the polite person from the outspoken person is not really his knowledge of the rules of conduct.
It does not really concern any knife that will be used for a formal dinner, or when to say (please) or (thank you)
Or how to write a wedding invitation.
It comes down to a variety of different beliefs about human nature.
The polite person and the outspoken person behave differently.
The reason for this is that they see the world in two very different ways.
These are some of the fundamental ideological issues that separate them.
Open people believe in the importance of expressing themselves honestly.
Because they are primarily confident that what they think and feel will always prove to be acceptable to the world.
And that their sincere feelings and opinions when expressed would be of course stimulating – without any negative impact.
The outsiders assume that what they honestly say can never express hatred, disgust, arrogance, or cruelty.
In this sense, the polite person will see himself similar to the way we normally see young children: blessed with the original innate goodness.
Even the most aware of our etiquette does not believe that the limitations of discipline will apply to very young people.
We are still interested in hearing anything that might pass through the minds of these meager creatures
We remain oblivious to their strange behavior or negative statements.
If they say that pasta is nasty or that the head of the taxi driver looks like a strange goldfish,
The situation will seem funny rather than offensive.
People openly believe that their basic purity weakens the rationale for self-censorship.
They can believe that everything about them – more or less – will prove to be good, as well as anything they say or do.
The polite man, on the contrary, lives with burning doubts about himself and his motives.
They feel that much of what they feel and want is not very nice.
They are in close contact with the darkest of their desires, and they can realize their passing hopes by hurting or humiliating people.
They know that they are sometimes rebellious and can not forget the extent to which they might be aggressive or frightening to others.
So they prepare a plan and a strategy to protect others from what they know to be deep inside.
This is not a lie, but all they understand is that they themselves are the ones who carry enormous pain to spare everyone experience,
And in particular anyone who claims to be interested in it.
The outsider acts on the assumption of a magical intuition that other people look much like him inside.
Which makes them very sociable and allows them to form some of the intimate relations amazing cross the social barriers at high speed.
When they love to listen to a certain musical instrument aloud, they will see that it is obvious that you also want to listen to it.
Because they are very excited about spicy food, or do not ever want to add salt to a dish,
They will not even ask you if you really prefer this restaurant, or if you prefer to place the salted on the table.
For them the polite person begins by assuming that others are very likely to be in a completely different place from within, no matter how external appearances.
And therefore their behavior is hesitant and cautious and full of inquiries.
They will openly test with others to gauge their experiences and aspirations.
If they feel cold, they are very aware of the possibility that you feel full warmth,
And so they will grumble the trouble of your question while you are reluctant to close the window.
They have the realization that you may be upset by a joke they find very funny, or that you are loyal to political opinions in complete disagreement with their views.
Their methods are based on a strong sense of the gap that can separate one person from another.
The outspoken person acts in an implicit sense that others – most of them – are very strong internally.
People around them will not remain forever on the verge of self-confidence and self-hatred.
They are not supposed to be too thin and in constant danger of deflation.
So they understand that there is no need to show small signs of permanent reassurance and assertion.
When you go to someone’s house, the fact that the meal was delicious, will be obvious to everyone,
Not the least one who spent four and a half hours cooking.
There is therefore no need to emphasize this point in several separate ways.
The newcomer in the office must have a very clear feeling that he is doing well without having to stop and say so.
The outsider assumes that -I-for all is at least as big and powerful as it should be.
The polite person in another case starts from a contradictory assumption that all of us are permanently only a few millimeters away from internal collapse, despair and self-hatred.
No matter how confident we seem to be, we are painfully vulnerable to the feeling that we are disliked and do not care.
We all walk around without cover covering us.
Accordingly, the polite person will spend a lot of time in observation and positive comments on the most seemingly secondary details.
They will say that the watercress soup was the best they ate for years.
They will remember the action on the Mexico deal was really very useful, and it was noted in the whole company.
They will know that everyone we meet has tremendous power to hurt us with what we foolishly call “small things.”
There will be an interrelated difference in the way that an honest and polite person behaves in the service context.
Open people do not feel any great need to express gratitude.
The waiter or the person in the car hire office feels that there is no need for kindness with the money they will actually receive from the deal.
But the polite person knows that we need to find respect and form of love from our business as much as we need money.
So they will be aware of the additional need to contribute a smile and a nice word or two.
These people do their jobs for money, of course,
But the fare never stops emotional hunger equal to the feeling that it was useful, attentive, and appreciated by someone else.
The outspoken person is often very nice, but in an overwhelming manner. They are interested in the tremendous work of generosity and generosity towards the major humanitarian divisions,
Perhaps a rescue operation for the entire continent of Africa or a plan to give every child in the country an equal start in life.
But the consequences of their enthusiasm may be certain patients with small movements and gestures.
Feel that there is no goal in wasting time and spending money by sending flowers to people, writing notes after dinner or remembering birthdays
– When the fundamental change of the humanitarian situation is within reach.
A person who is courteous also cares about his passionate passion by spreading compassion, love and good on a large scale, and is still keen to do so with any realistic time horizon.
However, he has a belief that he can not improve the things of a huge number of people in the coming decades,
Making him feel that he is still a worthy target to make a modest and modest improvement
In the lives of few people who have direct contact with them in the current time and time.
They may never be able to fully transform another person’s horizons or save entire species from their pain,
But they can smile and stand talking for 5 minutes with a neighbor about the weather.
Their humility, wherever they are, makes them very sensitive to the value of small things that can be done before the day ends.
The outspoken person has a high degree of confidence in his ability to govern relatively quickly and long term
What is right and wrong in a particular situation.
Feel that they can judge from acting well or badly, and what is the appropriate course of action to be done in any dilemma.
This gives them the confidence to be angry because of anything stupid and to break bridges with people who are becoming angry with them.
The polite person is not confident.
He realizes that what he feels strongly about today may not be what he will feel next week.
He knows how he can easily understand everything in the wrong way.
They are willing to spread a soft and hesitant language, limiting criticism as much as possible.
They will suggest that the idea may not be quite good.
They will say that the project is attractive but it may be interesting to look for alternatives as well,
They will take into consideration the point of view of their intellectual opponent.
They are not only lying or evading difficult decisions.
Their behavior is indicative of a new belief that is required that some ideas are completely useless.
There are no 100% wrong suggestions
Almost nobody is completely idiot.
They know that good and evil are deceptively linked.
Discipline is their intelligent response to the complexity of the world.
Both frank and polite people naturally have important lessons to learn,
But may be at this stage of history,
The characteristic wisdom of a polite person is in fact the best to be rediscovered
Which may have the most effective ability to mitigate some of the most severe and aggressive results
And even counterproductive in the ideology of the “outspoken” authoritarian.
Translation: team translate autrjim @
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