How to cope with impotence

a man is with his female partner
foreplay is going well it’s time for
more but suddenly a problem occurs she
looks at him expecting him to increase
his efforts but nothing happens he has
suffered what the French writer stardoll
termed a fiasco
he feels ashamed and desperate he sees
himself as a laughingstock not quite a
man not fit for a relationship his
partner is worried too she suspect he
doesn’t find her attractive anymore
never really loved her or is perhaps
deep down gay if it happens repeatedly
she might start to wonder if they should
even be together in a great many cases
the cause of impotence is not physical
but psychological and it isn’t a lack of
desire it’s a Mis founded notion of
respect the man
certainly is turned on but his desire is
joined up with a fear he’d worried
somewhere inside that he’s imposing
something unwelcome and dirty on a
partner who couldn’t really possibly
want something so crude as much as he
does sex seems somewhere in his
unconscious sinister and debased
something I might share with an
acquaintance one doesn’t really know or
respect much or can explore alone with a
porn site but that wouldn’t be fitting
for a soulmate one properly loves out of
an entirely erroneous but nevertheless
powerful sense of kindness and
consideration for the beloved’s imagined
feelings the man holds back from
pursuing what he’d really like and takes
early retirement from his own sexuality
one of the most basic facts about the
relationship between children and their
parents is that there is love but can be
no sex a young boy receives care
consideration and tenderness from his
mother but of course nothing remotely
sensual from this very sensible
arrangement one problematic idea is born
the thought that a mother and more
broadly women who are as lovable and
admirable shears must be without sexual
desire
however naive that sound that’s how it
can seem to a young boy who gets a lot
of things wrong and whose attitudes ever
surprising after life even in the adult
mind a mother may be witty clever and
very attentive
boys needs but she doesn’t surely have
any debido this necessary and
beautifully protective illusion is what
can lead men to suspect that the more
women have a status akin to their mother
the less likely she is to be fully
sexual
the answer to this admittedly hugely
naive but properly distressing fear is
to reassure the impotent males
unconscious of a basic fact that of
course his mother was a sexual being she
liked almost all women loved sex
probably had plenty of it and even more
in fantasy it was simply that out of
care and consideration for her son he
didn’t let on out of love she tactfully
made out she was as it were a virgin
rather than simply seeing impotence as a
problem to be treated with pills we can
recognize that it’s primarily a
condition to be addressed by an idea the
thought that rough crude intense
uninhibited sex isn’t simply a low
demeaning activity that men are
interested in and nice women aren’t it’s
a hugely positive psychologically
enriching and not at all sinister
process that every one male and female
benefits from the emotions around
sexuality that seems though opposed to
civilized respectable life the
ruthlessness crudeness and occasional
moments of brutishness
and not negative they are utterly
compatible with kindness and love more
generally when impotence strikes it may
be time in a nicest way for the male
unconscious to enter fully into
adulthood and recognize and honor the
plain truths of male and female sexuality