some of the reason why we aren’t
collectively so good at friendship is
that we don’t have a clear idea of what
a really good friend might be like it
may therefore be worth trying to draw up
a list of an ideal candidate so stuff
focus our desires and spur us on to
acquire the sort of character we would
want to find in others firstly the ideal
friend knows how to show weakness
the ideal friend doesn’t try to prove
how robust and successful they are on
the contrary
quite often they let us know awkward and
potentially embarrassing things about
themselves they show how much they trust
us by confessing failings and sorrows
which would open them up to possible
humiliation from the world beyond they
offer us the gift of their vulnerability
secondly they’re genuinely interested in
our sorrows and difficulties and yet
they’re not shocked or even surprised by
the weird and stupid things we’ve done
they’re not judgmental they don’t come
down harshly and critically on our
weaknesses because they know themselves
well enough to be alert to their own
order and more troubled sides and they
do us the graceful favor of assuming
that behind the seams we are as
radically imperfect as they are thirdly
the proper friend is reassuring they
don’t just flatter they understand how
easily we lose perspective panic and
underestimate our own ability to cope
they know we’ve got zones of fragility
that need to be treated very gently
sometimes they get us so laugh at
ourselves when on our own
we’d be inclined to self-pity or rage
fourthly a true friend helps build our
self understanding there are so many
things we don’t entirely comprehend
about who we are we get agitated or
defensive and we don’t really know why
we find it tricky to pin down our goals
we might have some strong opinions but
it can be difficult to explain really
why these ideas matter to us the right
friend listens and
helps us piece together the best account
of our fears and excitements fifthly
they help us think more often than it’s
comfortable to admit we don’t quite know
what we think until a proper friend
gently asks us to expand on a thought to
explain why we’re impressed by it and to
find good answers to possible objections
they see the potential in what we’re
saying when we can’t sickly they help us
to like ourselves the good friend likes
us in ways we’re not easily able to like
ourselves normally we’re intently alive
to our own shortcomings it’s more
obvious from our point of view what’s
disappointing or frustrating about us
than what’s endearing or attractive we
need a friend because we’re liable to be
so very unfriendly towards ourselves we
tend to think that a true friend must be
someone we spend a lot of time with but
actually the ideal other becomes part of
us we internalize who they are how they
speak the way they smile the way they
pause or get enthusiastic they continue
to inhabit our brain even when we
haven’t been in touch for a while or
when they’re far away the good friend is
the confessions game is a simple game of
cards and dice designed to facilitate
more honest conversations by asking
daring questions click on the link now to find out more
collectively so good at friendship is
that we don’t have a clear idea of what
a really good friend might be like it
may therefore be worth trying to draw up
a list of an ideal candidate so stuff
focus our desires and spur us on to
acquire the sort of character we would
want to find in others firstly the ideal
friend knows how to show weakness
the ideal friend doesn’t try to prove
how robust and successful they are on
the contrary
quite often they let us know awkward and
potentially embarrassing things about
themselves they show how much they trust
us by confessing failings and sorrows
which would open them up to possible
humiliation from the world beyond they
offer us the gift of their vulnerability
secondly they’re genuinely interested in
our sorrows and difficulties and yet
they’re not shocked or even surprised by
the weird and stupid things we’ve done
they’re not judgmental they don’t come
down harshly and critically on our
weaknesses because they know themselves
well enough to be alert to their own
order and more troubled sides and they
do us the graceful favor of assuming
that behind the seams we are as
radically imperfect as they are thirdly
the proper friend is reassuring they
don’t just flatter they understand how
easily we lose perspective panic and
underestimate our own ability to cope
they know we’ve got zones of fragility
that need to be treated very gently
sometimes they get us so laugh at
ourselves when on our own
we’d be inclined to self-pity or rage
fourthly a true friend helps build our
self understanding there are so many
things we don’t entirely comprehend
about who we are we get agitated or
defensive and we don’t really know why
we find it tricky to pin down our goals
we might have some strong opinions but
it can be difficult to explain really
why these ideas matter to us the right
friend listens and
helps us piece together the best account
of our fears and excitements fifthly
they help us think more often than it’s
comfortable to admit we don’t quite know
what we think until a proper friend
gently asks us to expand on a thought to
explain why we’re impressed by it and to
find good answers to possible objections
they see the potential in what we’re
saying when we can’t sickly they help us
to like ourselves the good friend likes
us in ways we’re not easily able to like
ourselves normally we’re intently alive
to our own shortcomings it’s more
obvious from our point of view what’s
disappointing or frustrating about us
than what’s endearing or attractive we
need a friend because we’re liable to be
so very unfriendly towards ourselves we
tend to think that a true friend must be
someone we spend a lot of time with but
actually the ideal other becomes part of
us we internalize who they are how they
speak the way they smile the way they
pause or get enthusiastic they continue
to inhabit our brain even when we
haven’t been in touch for a while or
when they’re far away the good friend is
the confessions game is a simple game of
cards and dice designed to facilitate
more honest conversations by asking
daring questions click on the link now to find out more
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