sometimes we’re not only left in love we
are left for someone else a rival who
comes to assume a large indeed monstrous
position in our imagination the torturer
comes down to one essential question
which pursues us into the early hours
what do they have that we do not part of
the agony rests on a basic feature of
human psychology we know ourselves from
the inside in great and usually
dispiriting detail whereas we can know
other people only from the outside from
what they choose to reveal which may be
almost nothing aside from a very
attractive face and charming manner as a
result we may feel that the person we’ve
been left for and whom we know only on
the basis of having briefly met them at
a party or stalks their online profile
is wonderful in every way where we are
shy they’re going to be confident where
we are chaotic they’re going to be well
organized where our sexuality is complex
theirs will be simple well we’re too
domestic they will be exciting
well-meaning friends may try to bring us
back into contact with our good sides
they may speak of a kindness
intelligence or sense of fun but this
might not be the best way forward the
point isn’t to rehearse how decent we
are properly to get over the pain of a
love rival we need to realize how
mediocre pretty much every human who has
ever existed tends to be there is not in
fact ever any such thing as a perfect
person there are merely differently
tricky ones as our ex is going to find
out our failings or defects may well be
real but the picture we’ve got of
ourselves as compared with our love
rival is skewed by unjú ignorance
recovery does not involve the denial of
our less admirable sides it requires a
more nihilistic and therefore more
balanced sense of what people in general
alike of course the rival has qualities
we lack it’s true that they might have
better air or or more impressive salary
but at the same time they’re going to
have an enormous number of very serious
problems which we can be assured exist
not because we know them but because we
know human beings in general no one
examined from up close is ever anything
other than disappointing and every
person one has to share a life with will
prove so maddening over time on Willard
points wish they had never been born
whatever attraction a new lover can
offer our ex they will also supply them
with a whole new set of irritants which
are going to end up frustrating them as
much as we ever did indeed more so
because they so sincerely hoped as they
packed their bags that such flaws would
not exist in their next partner our
ex-lover has not entered the gates of
paradise they’ve merely exchanged one
imperfect relationship for another we
should never compound our grief with the
thought that our X will be uncomplicated
ly happy the deep lesson of being
supplanted is not that we are so bad
it’s that we’ve been left because of a
common delusion the belief that if only
one was in a different relationship one
would be happy and yet the truth is that
more or less every relationship has its
own special and beautifully distinct
forms of acute unhappiness
there is much wrong with us of course
but this dark fact invariably sits
within a far larger grimmer and yet
strangely consoling truth that every
person on the planet has much wrong with
them once we get over abandonment the
person we need to find is not the one
who thinks we’re perfect and will never
leave us on this basis but rather one
who can quite clearly see our failings
and yet this is the key advantage knows
how calmly to make their peace with them
the lover that we need is not someone
who stays with us because they think
that we are irreplaceably marvelous but
rather who stays with us because they’ve
wisely realized that no one is as
attractive as they seem at first and
that a smash-up a relationship is
generally only a prelude to novel
encounters with frustration and
disappointment
our perspective cards feature tools for
a wiser karma perspective on life they
help to restore calm and clarity even
during difficult times please subscribe
to our Channel and click the bell icon to turn on notifications
are left for someone else a rival who
comes to assume a large indeed monstrous
position in our imagination the torturer
comes down to one essential question
which pursues us into the early hours
what do they have that we do not part of
the agony rests on a basic feature of
human psychology we know ourselves from
the inside in great and usually
dispiriting detail whereas we can know
other people only from the outside from
what they choose to reveal which may be
almost nothing aside from a very
attractive face and charming manner as a
result we may feel that the person we’ve
been left for and whom we know only on
the basis of having briefly met them at
a party or stalks their online profile
is wonderful in every way where we are
shy they’re going to be confident where
we are chaotic they’re going to be well
organized where our sexuality is complex
theirs will be simple well we’re too
domestic they will be exciting
well-meaning friends may try to bring us
back into contact with our good sides
they may speak of a kindness
intelligence or sense of fun but this
might not be the best way forward the
point isn’t to rehearse how decent we
are properly to get over the pain of a
love rival we need to realize how
mediocre pretty much every human who has
ever existed tends to be there is not in
fact ever any such thing as a perfect
person there are merely differently
tricky ones as our ex is going to find
out our failings or defects may well be
real but the picture we’ve got of
ourselves as compared with our love
rival is skewed by unjú ignorance
recovery does not involve the denial of
our less admirable sides it requires a
more nihilistic and therefore more
balanced sense of what people in general
alike of course the rival has qualities
we lack it’s true that they might have
better air or or more impressive salary
but at the same time they’re going to
have an enormous number of very serious
problems which we can be assured exist
not because we know them but because we
know human beings in general no one
examined from up close is ever anything
other than disappointing and every
person one has to share a life with will
prove so maddening over time on Willard
points wish they had never been born
whatever attraction a new lover can
offer our ex they will also supply them
with a whole new set of irritants which
are going to end up frustrating them as
much as we ever did indeed more so
because they so sincerely hoped as they
packed their bags that such flaws would
not exist in their next partner our
ex-lover has not entered the gates of
paradise they’ve merely exchanged one
imperfect relationship for another we
should never compound our grief with the
thought that our X will be uncomplicated
ly happy the deep lesson of being
supplanted is not that we are so bad
it’s that we’ve been left because of a
common delusion the belief that if only
one was in a different relationship one
would be happy and yet the truth is that
more or less every relationship has its
own special and beautifully distinct
forms of acute unhappiness
there is much wrong with us of course
but this dark fact invariably sits
within a far larger grimmer and yet
strangely consoling truth that every
person on the planet has much wrong with
them once we get over abandonment the
person we need to find is not the one
who thinks we’re perfect and will never
leave us on this basis but rather one
who can quite clearly see our failings
and yet this is the key advantage knows
how calmly to make their peace with them
the lover that we need is not someone
who stays with us because they think
that we are irreplaceably marvelous but
rather who stays with us because they’ve
wisely realized that no one is as
attractive as they seem at first and
that a smash-up a relationship is
generally only a prelude to novel
encounters with frustration and
disappointment
our perspective cards feature tools for
a wiser karma perspective on life they
help to restore calm and clarity even
during difficult times please subscribe
to our Channel and click the bell icon to turn on notifications
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