we are all of us beautifully crazy or to
put it in gentler terms
fascinatingly unbalanced our childhoods
even the apparently benign ones leave us
no option but to be anything else as a
result of our childhoods
we tend over most issues to list like a
sailing yacht in high wind far too much
in one direction or another we’re too
timid or too assertive too rigid or too
accommodating too focused on material
success or excessively lackadaisical we
are obsessively eager around sex or
painfully weary and nervous in the face
of our own erotic impulses with dreamily
naive or sourly down-to-earth
we recoil from risk or embrace it
recklessly we have emerged into adult
life determined never to rely on anyone
or as desperate for another to complete
us we are overly intellectual or unduly
resistant to ideas the encyclopedia of
emotional imbalances is a volume more or
less without end what is certain is that
these imbalances come at a huge cost
rendering us less able to exploit our
talents and opportunities less able to
lead satisfying lives and a great deal
less fun to be around yet because we are
reluctant historians of our emotional
pasts we easily assume that these
imbalances aren’t things we could ever
change they are fundamentally innate
it’s just how we were made we say we
simply are in and of ourselves people
who micromanage or can’t get much
pleasure out of sex scream a lot when
someone contradicts us or run away from
lovers who are too kind to us it may not
be easy we concede but nor is it
alterable or even up for inquiry but the
truth is likely to be more hopeful
though in the short term more
challenging our imbalances are
invariably responses to something that
happened in the past we are a certain
way now because we were knocked off a
more fulfilling trajectory years ago by
a primal wound
perhaps in the face of a viciously
competitive parent we took refuge in
underachievement
or having live
a parent disgusted by the body sex
became frightening or surrounded by
material unreliability we had to
overachieve around money and social
prestige or hurt by a dismissive parent
we fell into patterns of emotional
avoidance a volatile parent may have
pushed us towards our present meekness
and inability to make a fuss early
overprotectiveness may have inspired
timidity and around any complex
situation panic attacks there is always
a logic and there is always a history we
can tell that our imbalances date from
the past because they reflect the way of
thinking and instincts of the children
we once were
without anything pejorative being meant
by this our way of being unbalanced
tends towards a fundamental immaturity
bearing the marks of what was once a
young person’s attempt to grapple with
something utterly beyond their
capacities for example when they suffer
at the hands of an adult children almost
invariably take what happens to them as
a reflection of something that must be
very wrong with them if someone
humiliates ignores or hurts them it must
so it seems because they are in and off
themselves
imbecilic repugnant worth neglecting it
can take many years and a lot of patient
inner exploration to reach an initially
far less plausible conclusion that the
hurt was essentially undeserved and that
there were inevitably a lot of other
things going on offstage in the raging
adults interior life for which the child
was entirely blameless similarly because
children cannot easily leave an
offending situation they are prey to
powerful limitless longings to try to
fix the broken person they so completely
depend upon it becomes in the infantile
imagination the child’s responsibility
to mend all the anger addiction or
sadness of the grown-up they adore it
may be the work of decades to develop an
adult power to feel sad about
rather than eternally responsible for
those we cannot change communication
patterns can be beset by comparable
childhood legacies when something is
very wrong children have no innate
capacity to explain their cause they
lack the confidence poise and verbal
dexterity to get their points across
with a calm and authority required they
tend to dramatic over reactions instead
insisting nagging exploding screaming or
else
excessive under reactions sulking sullen
silence and avoidance we may be well
into middle-age before we can shed our
first impulse is to explode out or flee
from those who misunderstand our needs
and more carefully and serenely try to
explain them instead it’s another
feature of the emotional wounds of
childhood that they tend to provoke Wood
are in effect large-scale
generalizations our wounds may have
occurred in highly individual contexts
with one particular adult who hid their
particular partner late at night or the
wound may have been caused by one
specific parent who responded with
intense contempt after a specific job
loss from one specific factory but these
events give rise to expectations of
other people and of life more broadly we
grow to expect that everyone will turn
violent that every partner may turn on
us and every money problem will unleash
disaster the character traits and
mentalities that were formed in response
to one or two central actors of
childhood become a habitual templates
for interpreting pretty much anyone
for example the always jokey and
slightly manic way of being that we
evolved so as to keep a depressed
listless mother engaged becomes our
second nature even when she is long gone
we remain people who need to shine at
every meeting who require a partner to
be continually focused on us and who
cannot listen to negative or dispiriting
information of any kind we are living
the wide open present through the narrow
drama of the
fast we suffer because we are at huge
cost to loyal to the early difficult
years we should where we can dare to
leave home
if you liked this film please subscribe
to our channel and click the Bell icon to turn on notifications
put it in gentler terms
fascinatingly unbalanced our childhoods
even the apparently benign ones leave us
no option but to be anything else as a
result of our childhoods
we tend over most issues to list like a
sailing yacht in high wind far too much
in one direction or another we’re too
timid or too assertive too rigid or too
accommodating too focused on material
success or excessively lackadaisical we
are obsessively eager around sex or
painfully weary and nervous in the face
of our own erotic impulses with dreamily
naive or sourly down-to-earth
we recoil from risk or embrace it
recklessly we have emerged into adult
life determined never to rely on anyone
or as desperate for another to complete
us we are overly intellectual or unduly
resistant to ideas the encyclopedia of
emotional imbalances is a volume more or
less without end what is certain is that
these imbalances come at a huge cost
rendering us less able to exploit our
talents and opportunities less able to
lead satisfying lives and a great deal
less fun to be around yet because we are
reluctant historians of our emotional
pasts we easily assume that these
imbalances aren’t things we could ever
change they are fundamentally innate
it’s just how we were made we say we
simply are in and of ourselves people
who micromanage or can’t get much
pleasure out of sex scream a lot when
someone contradicts us or run away from
lovers who are too kind to us it may not
be easy we concede but nor is it
alterable or even up for inquiry but the
truth is likely to be more hopeful
though in the short term more
challenging our imbalances are
invariably responses to something that
happened in the past we are a certain
way now because we were knocked off a
more fulfilling trajectory years ago by
a primal wound
perhaps in the face of a viciously
competitive parent we took refuge in
underachievement
or having live
a parent disgusted by the body sex
became frightening or surrounded by
material unreliability we had to
overachieve around money and social
prestige or hurt by a dismissive parent
we fell into patterns of emotional
avoidance a volatile parent may have
pushed us towards our present meekness
and inability to make a fuss early
overprotectiveness may have inspired
timidity and around any complex
situation panic attacks there is always
a logic and there is always a history we
can tell that our imbalances date from
the past because they reflect the way of
thinking and instincts of the children
we once were
without anything pejorative being meant
by this our way of being unbalanced
tends towards a fundamental immaturity
bearing the marks of what was once a
young person’s attempt to grapple with
something utterly beyond their
capacities for example when they suffer
at the hands of an adult children almost
invariably take what happens to them as
a reflection of something that must be
very wrong with them if someone
humiliates ignores or hurts them it must
so it seems because they are in and off
themselves
imbecilic repugnant worth neglecting it
can take many years and a lot of patient
inner exploration to reach an initially
far less plausible conclusion that the
hurt was essentially undeserved and that
there were inevitably a lot of other
things going on offstage in the raging
adults interior life for which the child
was entirely blameless similarly because
children cannot easily leave an
offending situation they are prey to
powerful limitless longings to try to
fix the broken person they so completely
depend upon it becomes in the infantile
imagination the child’s responsibility
to mend all the anger addiction or
sadness of the grown-up they adore it
may be the work of decades to develop an
adult power to feel sad about
rather than eternally responsible for
those we cannot change communication
patterns can be beset by comparable
childhood legacies when something is
very wrong children have no innate
capacity to explain their cause they
lack the confidence poise and verbal
dexterity to get their points across
with a calm and authority required they
tend to dramatic over reactions instead
insisting nagging exploding screaming or
else
excessive under reactions sulking sullen
silence and avoidance we may be well
into middle-age before we can shed our
first impulse is to explode out or flee
from those who misunderstand our needs
and more carefully and serenely try to
explain them instead it’s another
feature of the emotional wounds of
childhood that they tend to provoke Wood
are in effect large-scale
generalizations our wounds may have
occurred in highly individual contexts
with one particular adult who hid their
particular partner late at night or the
wound may have been caused by one
specific parent who responded with
intense contempt after a specific job
loss from one specific factory but these
events give rise to expectations of
other people and of life more broadly we
grow to expect that everyone will turn
violent that every partner may turn on
us and every money problem will unleash
disaster the character traits and
mentalities that were formed in response
to one or two central actors of
childhood become a habitual templates
for interpreting pretty much anyone
for example the always jokey and
slightly manic way of being that we
evolved so as to keep a depressed
listless mother engaged becomes our
second nature even when she is long gone
we remain people who need to shine at
every meeting who require a partner to
be continually focused on us and who
cannot listen to negative or dispiriting
information of any kind we are living
the wide open present through the narrow
drama of the
fast we suffer because we are at huge
cost to loyal to the early difficult
years we should where we can dare to
leave home
if you liked this film please subscribe
to our channel and click the Bell icon to turn on notifications
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