dating brings us close to a particular
strand of philosophy that the rest of
the time might not seem particularly
relevant to our lives existentialism one
of the movements major proponents
jean-paul Sartre developed a set of
ideas that help explain and give dignity
to the anxiety excitements and appoints
vertigo
we may experience as we go through the
dating ritual a key concept of
existentialism is expressed in Sartre
z– somewhat obscure but useful phrase
and being precedes essence what such
meant by being other bits of life that
we are free to choose for ourselves how
we live what job we do how we conceive
of what happens to us and by essence he
refers to things that lie outside our
command a biological nature the flow of
history the position of the stars
what Sartre wished to point out to us in
a spirit of wanting to liberate us from
certain rigidities of mind is that being
should ultimately be thought of as more
important than essence however much we
sometimes like to tell ourselves that
things have to be the way they are
there are in fact many radically
different possible versions of ourselves
available to us we can choose to an
extraordinary extent how things might be
for us but much of the time
Sartre felt we don’t give this
open-ended aspect of our identities
enough space in our minds we assert that
the way we live is inevitable and fixed
and imply that we have no agency over
our stories but Sartre argues that this
is an illusion the kind of person we are
right now developed as a result of all
sorts of small and large decisions it
could have been very different and maybe
different again in the future according
to the way we exercise our will upon the
raw material of life surprisingly enough
it is dating that can bring home some of
the richness of this dramatic
existential insight it is in our dating
years that we feel perhaps more than at
any other point before or since how much
of the future is undefined how little is
preordained how many options there
really are how frightening Lee
and fluid things can be with each date
with sketching even if very lightly a
possible future if our date on Wednesday
goes well we could conceivably be
looking at for instance a life in which
we have relatives in the highlands of
Scotland in which a lot of the people we
spend time with are in the technology
sector and in which we’ll probably move
country several times we might in time
also have a child called a mesh or flora
alternatively if our date on Friday
evening goes very well we could be
edging towards a life in which we’ll be
spending a lot of time in Amsterdam
we’ll get drawn into the theatre world
if we have a child they might be called
marcher or REM and they have a former
cycling champion as a grandfather and an
Indonesian grandmother once we make our
choice things may well start to seem as
if they always had to be that there was
some essence that we were always moving
towards that we had to end up with
little marcher or sweet flora crawling
on the carpet towards us but in the
dating period we are closer to a grander
and more visceral truth that there is no
single script
Sarris second big point is that properly
recognizing our freedom can lead us to a
state of huge but inevitable and in a
way salutary anxiety conscious of our
real Liberty we take on board that we
have to make decisions and yet at the
same time that we will never have the
correct and full information upon which
to base them with a sort of perfect
wisdom and foresight we might desire we
are staring largely blind forced to make
choices that ideally we would leave to
the gods but then in a secular world we
have no option but to take on for
ourselves as we date we may wonder what
should we settle for how long do we keep
going how can we tell whether this one
or that one is right Sartre is answer is
that we can never properly know but that
we are never more properly alive and
authentic than when we are turning over
such inquiries the fluidity of our
destinies is then palpable with all the
strangeness and wonder this implies too
often the sense of fluidity is lost we
assume that what is had to be and that
we have no further choices left open to
us but the dating years defy such views
no wonder if they can feel very high
stakes sartre wish to embolden us for
the sort of challenges they present to
us dating pushes aside the veil of our
normal complacency and reveals the
sublime terrifying and at the same time
thrilling uncertainty of existence we
should with a host of existential
challenges before us at the very least
not be too bored to learn more about
love try our set of cards that help
answer that essential question who should I be with
strand of philosophy that the rest of
the time might not seem particularly
relevant to our lives existentialism one
of the movements major proponents
jean-paul Sartre developed a set of
ideas that help explain and give dignity
to the anxiety excitements and appoints
vertigo
we may experience as we go through the
dating ritual a key concept of
existentialism is expressed in Sartre
z– somewhat obscure but useful phrase
and being precedes essence what such
meant by being other bits of life that
we are free to choose for ourselves how
we live what job we do how we conceive
of what happens to us and by essence he
refers to things that lie outside our
command a biological nature the flow of
history the position of the stars
what Sartre wished to point out to us in
a spirit of wanting to liberate us from
certain rigidities of mind is that being
should ultimately be thought of as more
important than essence however much we
sometimes like to tell ourselves that
things have to be the way they are
there are in fact many radically
different possible versions of ourselves
available to us we can choose to an
extraordinary extent how things might be
for us but much of the time
Sartre felt we don’t give this
open-ended aspect of our identities
enough space in our minds we assert that
the way we live is inevitable and fixed
and imply that we have no agency over
our stories but Sartre argues that this
is an illusion the kind of person we are
right now developed as a result of all
sorts of small and large decisions it
could have been very different and maybe
different again in the future according
to the way we exercise our will upon the
raw material of life surprisingly enough
it is dating that can bring home some of
the richness of this dramatic
existential insight it is in our dating
years that we feel perhaps more than at
any other point before or since how much
of the future is undefined how little is
preordained how many options there
really are how frightening Lee
and fluid things can be with each date
with sketching even if very lightly a
possible future if our date on Wednesday
goes well we could conceivably be
looking at for instance a life in which
we have relatives in the highlands of
Scotland in which a lot of the people we
spend time with are in the technology
sector and in which we’ll probably move
country several times we might in time
also have a child called a mesh or flora
alternatively if our date on Friday
evening goes very well we could be
edging towards a life in which we’ll be
spending a lot of time in Amsterdam
we’ll get drawn into the theatre world
if we have a child they might be called
marcher or REM and they have a former
cycling champion as a grandfather and an
Indonesian grandmother once we make our
choice things may well start to seem as
if they always had to be that there was
some essence that we were always moving
towards that we had to end up with
little marcher or sweet flora crawling
on the carpet towards us but in the
dating period we are closer to a grander
and more visceral truth that there is no
single script
Sarris second big point is that properly
recognizing our freedom can lead us to a
state of huge but inevitable and in a
way salutary anxiety conscious of our
real Liberty we take on board that we
have to make decisions and yet at the
same time that we will never have the
correct and full information upon which
to base them with a sort of perfect
wisdom and foresight we might desire we
are staring largely blind forced to make
choices that ideally we would leave to
the gods but then in a secular world we
have no option but to take on for
ourselves as we date we may wonder what
should we settle for how long do we keep
going how can we tell whether this one
or that one is right Sartre is answer is
that we can never properly know but that
we are never more properly alive and
authentic than when we are turning over
such inquiries the fluidity of our
destinies is then palpable with all the
strangeness and wonder this implies too
often the sense of fluidity is lost we
assume that what is had to be and that
we have no further choices left open to
us but the dating years defy such views
no wonder if they can feel very high
stakes sartre wish to embolden us for
the sort of challenges they present to
us dating pushes aside the veil of our
normal complacency and reveals the
sublime terrifying and at the same time
thrilling uncertainty of existence we
should with a host of existential
challenges before us at the very least
not be too bored to learn more about
love try our set of cards that help
answer that essential question who should I be with
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