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Arguments When There Is Too Little Sex


it could on the surface be an argument
about almost anything what time to leave
for the airport who forgot to post the
tax form where to send the children to
school but in reality in disguise
unmentioned and unmentionable it is
typically the very same argument the
no-sex argument the single greatest
argument that ever afflicts committed
couples the argument which has powered
more furious oblique exchanges among
lovers than any other the argument that
right now explains why one person is
angrily refusing to speak to another
over a bowl of udon noodles in a
restaurant in downtown Yokohama and
another is screaming in an apartment on
an upper floor of a block in the suburbs
of Belo Horizonte why child has acquired
a stepparent and a person is crying over
a bottle or at their therapist’s office
the real injury you have ceased to want
me and I can no longer bear myself or
you can’t be mentioned because it cuts
us too deep it threatens too much of our
dignity it is bigger than we are in the
darkness late at night time after time
our hand moved towards theirs tried to
coax them into a caress and was turned
down
they held our fingers limply for a
moment and then as if we were the
monster we now take ourselves to be
curled away from us and disappeared into
the Warren of sleep we’ve stopped trying
now it may happen once in a blue moon a
few times a year but we understand the
score well enough we are not wanted we
feel like outcasts the only ones to be
rejected in this way the victims of a
rare disease nursing an emotional injury
far too shaming to mention to others let
alone ourselves the only ones not to be
having sex in a happy sex filled world
our anger aggravates our injury and
traps us in cycles of hostility perhaps
they don’t want us in the night because
we have been so vile in the day but so
long as our hand goes unwanted we can
never muster the courage to be anything
but vin dick
in their presence it hurts more than
being single when at least the neglect
was to be expected this is a sentence
without end we can neither complain nor
let the issue go we feel compelled to
fight by proxy about anything we can lay
our hands on the washing powder and the
walk to the park the money for the
dentist and the course of the nation’s
politics all because we so badly need to
be held and to hold to penetrate or to
be penetrated it is in a sense deeply
strange even silly that so much should
hang on this issue that the future of
families the fate of children the
division of assets the survival of a
friendship group all these should depend
on the right sort of frottage of a few
centimetres of our upper limbs it is the
tiniest thing and at the same time the
very largest the absence of sex matters
so much because sex itself is the
supreme conciliator and salv
of all conflict ill feeling loneliness
and disinterest it is almost impossible
to make love and be sad indifferent or
bitter furious perhaps in a passionate
and ardent way but not almost always
truly elsewhere or beset by major
grievance the act forces presence
vulnerability honesty tenderness release
it matters inordinate ly because it is
the ultimate proof that everything is
despite all the challenges still ok as
ever so much would change if only we
could be helped to find the words if we
could fight our way past our shame if we
didn’t have to feel so alone if we could
point to the problem without fury
without humiliation without
defensiveness if we could simply name
our desperation without becoming
desperate if the one who didn’t want it
could explain in terms that made sense
and were bearable and the one who felt
cast aside could explain without
surrendering to vindictiveness or
despair we would ideally alongside
physics and geography learn the basics
of all this in our last year at high
school learn had a spot and a swage the
no-sex
argument with an in-depth course and
regular refresh
throughout our lives it is the paradigm
of all arguments those who can get over
it can get over pretty much any dispute
those who cannot must squabble to the
grave where our species to learn how to
do this the world would be suddenly and
decisively karma there would be
infinitely fewer fights alcoholic
outbursts divorces affairs rages
denunciations recriminations civil wars
armed conflicts and nuclear
conflagrations at the first sign of no
sex arguments couples would know how
carefully to locate the words that could
address their sorrow there would not
always be an answer but there would
always be the right sort of conversation
and so on a good day the endurance of
love
our pillow-talk cards help prompt us to
share our intimate desires to find out more follow the link on your screen now
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