I want to know if anyone has a marriage that is happy.
anyone there?
Unbelievable, if you refer to world history, it’s really unbelievable
Because we can not only get married, but also the concept of happiness
Can only go back to the mid-18th century
Before that, people endured their companions for housework and children.
And don’t expect to love each other
A new concept emerged in the eighteenth century
Historians call it “romanticism”
And we are all heirs of romanticism
In fact, the way people love is deeply affected by social circumstance.
La Rochefort can say:
Some people will not fall in love if they have not heard of “love”.
a little cynical
But actually this reminds us
The way we love is quite controlled by our society.
Today, we are “romantic” love
We are all heirs of romanticism
Romanticism is an ideology worth discussing
Romanticism says that we have a soul mate in the world.
Our task is to find that person when “feeling special”
By an intuitive attraction, we know that he is the destined person
Maybe in a bar, nightclub, train
We will have that special feeling
Then we will call a friend and tell him that I finally have that special feeling.
Great
Everyone has that special feeling, then marry and have children.
If you don’t, you will be nervous
You are dating software, website
Prepare for that special feeling until the soul mate appears
The advantage of finding a soul mate is that we will never be lonely again.
Everything we do will be perfectly understood by another person
No more lonely, all feelings and hopes will be recognized
Really good news
With a soul mate, we have no more secrets and fully understand each other.
In the past, shameful or fragile feelings can be revealed, he will recognize and support you.
That’s great.
One more thing is that people who invent romanticism don’t have to work.
Or only a little work
Things that are inseparable from romance, have a long and bleak afternoon
Walking in nature
Very stressed waterfalls and large areas of water
Twilight is also very important to romantics
The sun shines on the lower edge of the cloud, and the moment of dyed with pink tones is also important.
One more thing, they believe that love and sex are inseparable
People used to think that love and sex don’t necessarily exist at the same time.
But romanticism believes that sex is the highest expression of love.
Therefore, affair became a tragedy in the 19th century, and an important theme of the novel.
All the important novels of the nineteenth century are related to affair
From Madame Bovary to Anna Karenina, etc.
The reason why stealing is a tragedy
It is because romanticism turns sex into the ultimate proof of love.
You should be able to hear that I am not a big fan of romanticism.
I think it has caused us a lot of trouble.
In fact, I think that romanticism is the biggest enemy we have encountered in love.
If we want to learn how to love better
We must give up the feeling that many romanticism makes us fall in love
What is the problem with romance? Why are you so cynical?
Let’s start with a few things
One problem is that it is not like romanticism tells us
We are not only simple, cute, people who pursue soul mate
We are very dangerous, most people are on the verge of losing their minds.
This is not a special case. It is like human beings.
We are all just trying to stay normal, it is dangerous to be close to us.
We have all kinds of impulses, feelings, desires, and getting close to us becomes a big problem.
Only people who just met, we will feel normal
Once we know a little more, we will know that he is not normal.
In other words, we are all crazy and difficult to get along with.
Then the people we may be close to will be problematic.
And he won’t have a way to tell us his own problem.
Those problems are in his intimate autobiography, and they are not known in the conversation
In a society that is aware of psychological problems, what we should ask when we are dating
What is your problem?
My question is this, what about you?
This should become the standard question when we date.
It sounds like a monk, but not
Another reason why we don’t understand our mental state is
No one will tell us before we enter a stable relationship.
Our friends will not
Sometimes in the process of interaction, we will say, I would rather marry my friend.
They don’t care so much, why are you doing this?
My mom won’t pick me wrong.
But the reason is that mom and friends don’t care enough.
They don’t have to be with you all day long.
They don’t have to reflect to you, only the long-term loved ones have to deal with the problem.
So we don’t have information about these major issues.
Friends don’t care, the general lover breaks up directly
Because they have no time to invest in deep mutual inspiration
It’s very troublesome to have two people in question together.
In addition, the past people are married for a reason.
Both parents will find a reasonable reason to decide the marriage
Adjoining land, the same religion, etc.
Now we believe in intuition
Intuition will take us to the people who can make us happy.
But the problem is – roughly speaking, this is also the 20th century psychoanalysis that teaches us
It teaches us that when we fall in love with someone, we are rebuilding the pattern of childhood.
We have learned love in the family.
When we fall in love with someone in adulthood, we will subconsciously copy the experience at that time.
The problem is that when adults fall in love, they don’t necessarily find someone who can make themselves happy.
We will find people we feel familiar with.
But usually happiness and familiarity are two different things.
Because the love you know when you were young may be unhealthy or problematic.
For example, to love alienation, hard to control, or people we are afraid of, etc.
This explains why you often arrange two friends to know
As far as objective conditions are concerned, they are very suitable
Then your friend told you that he is great, but I just don’t feel it.
You think that feeling is the proof of future happiness, but not
That may mean that he is too normal for your friends.
Too healthy, he does not meet your friend’s request for torture.
So we will say that he is very good, but a bit boring
Boring is to say that he is too healthy, not in line with my crazy taste.
So I just have to forget
Intuition is a big problem
We will only feel the talents who bring us familiar troubles.
Another problem is that in the feelings, romanticism wants us to be ourselves.
But being yourself is a curse that we should not be for anyone we care about.
Because all of our faces must be problematic.
But we feel that if we don’t do ourselves completely, we are not sincere.
Sincerity is the entrance to true love
This is a very bad situation
In the early stage of the interaction, we will share all the secrets.
The other party likes it, and the terrible world outside is full of humanity.
Because you have met someone who has the same feelings for everything.
This is the big release that I felt in the early days of love.
But later, usually related to sex, honestly
You often say, you want to do that
Then he said, well, I always wanted to do that
You said, really, I always wanted to do but no one…
He said, yes, I want to do it, let’s do it!
That’s really great, free liberation
Then one day you are in the restaurant, maybe you have been in contact for three months.
You said that you look at the waiter.
It would be interesting if we asked him to join us.
But your object, the person who knows you so well
Know your feelings, your mother, your interesting things, people you know too
Suddenly it looks very serious, even a little angry
You said oh, oh,
You suddenly realize that “that” has become a conflict between love and honesty.
At this time, most of us will choose love, not sincerity.
We are not too attached to what I want to do with that person.
We redraw the line again, and loneliness is back.
Romanticism says this is a disaster, because love requires absolute sincerity
But I met the waiter and the waiter…
Have difficulty
Romanticism also tells us if two people really love each other
You shouldn’t say too much, you will have a heart
The most fascinating thing about love is that you don’t talk to each other and you know your moment.
This is a disaster, the first three months are very charming
But for a long time, the idea of understanding each other without communication is a disaster.
This is a disaster that all beings have experienced together in broken love.
This will bring the cold war
In the love that is self-evident, the Cold War is that you will not tell each other.
What are you angry with?
You are angry, but you don’t say
Because he loves you, he should know what you are dying.
So you will shut yourself in the toilet and don’t say anything.
Because people who really love you can see through the toilet door
Know what happened to you
Another romantic issue is to believe that love is totally acceptable.
The two will never try to change each other
When you say that he eats cereal, he will make strange noises.
He said, wait a minute, I thought you loved me.
You said, I love you, just the strange voice…
He said that you are so bad, my mother, my friend, my predecessor will not be like this.
You said, I love you, I have to tell you about the cereal.
And this is considered a violation of the basic rules of love, but not
We misunderstood love, we should go back to ancient Greece
The ancient Greeks had a more sensible view of love.
The ancient Greeks believed that love is the power that brings us closer to perfection, virtue, and achievement.
When we see virtue or achievement, we will feel the power of love.
At the same time inclusive, fragile
We embrace it, be kind to it, but don’t love it, just endure it
But true love is focused on perfection and achievement.
On the contrary, romanticism, there is no such thing as a shortcoming, everything should be equally loved.
Not allowing education
The ancient Greeks believed that when you fell in love with others, you must educate each other.
You will try to educate him, he will try to educate you
In the current love, education has gone a long way.
Because romanticism makes it seem illegal
A good teacher should be able to teach the audience with ease and properness.
The audience also feels that being a student is justified.
In today’s love, such a role does not exist.
When we want to teach each other what, why do we do so badly
Not just because we believe in righteousness, but because we have made a big bet
Good teachers don’t care much about the progress of the students.
Does the student understand that it is not important
I will learn the next lesson.
In love, we care very much, for this hysterical
We stand on the edge of life and try to teach each other
Because we can’t get rid of the feeling of being married or wrong.
Life is ruined
That state is not suitable for teaching others how to eat or tell a little story.
You are hysterical, you think that your life is ruined, you marry / married an idiot
He doesn’t even know
So you are yelling, screaming, humiliating
And no one will learn anything in shame
When you say humiliation, communication is over.
He doesn’t agree with you, and he is offended.
We know that we need to use 99% of praise and 1% of criticism.
We have the opportunity to educate others
So we don’t teach, we see education as the destruction of love, not the starting point.
We are all so imperfect, of course our lover will have our faults
Of course they will try to improve us.
But we should make the process of improvement justified
Not now, because we believe that improving the basic principles of betrayal of love
How to solve it? We have to reinvent love
We live in the age of technology, we are very used to the re-invention of technology or policy.
We must invent the emotional foundation that gave birth to our lives.
I am very excited about this, I am interested to come to me to discuss
We must reinvent the way of love and love
First of all, we have to throw in instinct, of course, intuition can not be used.
Think about it, you said that I am going to have a brain surgery this afternoon, I want to rely on intuition.
Or to land the airbus by intuition
Of course you won’t, it will be a disaster.
But very strange, we have been reluctant to accept a basic education of feelings.
We need a little more treatment — not to say that we want to lower our expectations for feelings.
Instead, maintain the original expectation and install the stent for treatment.
To reach the high point we should pursue
Some things I want to put into the course of love
Something we should learn if we want to be a better lover.
First, we should stop treating our partner as an adult.
But treat them as children
The reason why this is important is when the child does something wrong.
Think about cooking for your child, he is two or three years old.
You cooked broccoli and gave it to him and put it in front of him.
Then he swung the plate down and started screaming.
What do you do as a modern parent?
You won’t beat him
You won’t say that I am very angry, I am very tired to go to work today, now you are doing this again.
Are you getting me?
You won’t say that
You said, oh, maybe my child has a toothache.
Maybe he is very jealous of his newborn baby sister.
Maybe it makes him very stressed, maybe he is tired, so it will be like this.
In other words, our interpretation of behavior becomes very generous.
We won’t be like adults, because we think this person is an adult.
And of course, most adults look like adults, unfortunately
If we look like a child, it is much more convenient.
Like the benefit of a physical injury is
For example, you broke your hand.
Everyone will say, oh, your hand is broken, so pitiful, I will open the door for you.
But if your soul is hurt, your mind is wounded
Everyone thinks you are normal
You said no, I was hurt, just can’t see it.
We don’t look like children, but they are actually children.
We are very grateful when we are treated as relatively young people.
But we forgot how generous and kind to treat others like this.
Because this is love, love is more tolerant understanding of other people’s behavior
In addition, it is important to understand whether others are malicious when doing something.
To do this, we must learn to be humorous.
Something entertaining like a comedy or a game show
Is a very important resource in the relationship
What is the use of humor, think about the comedy characters we like?
Like Larry David
If you meet him in the real world
You will think this person is a big idiot.
You hate him, he sucks
But after a humorous comedy package
You think he is a cute idiot, this is very important
This is the sign of love.
When you can change your opinion of your partner from an idiot into a cute idiot
You have learned that we should all learn, love the most important lesson.
We have to remember
Secrets can be there
Don’t try to expose everything about you
If loneliness only accounts for 40% of you, this is good.
It is wrong to think that love can make loneliness completely disappear.
You can’t blame others for not understanding you all.
You can’t fully understand yourself, how can you expect others to read your mind?
Let’s take a look at the pending confirmation to determine if you are ready to love.
You know that you are ready, when you understand it gently, you are problematic.
When you understand it gently, your partner is problematic.
You know that you don’t know yourself, he doesn’t know him.
And your communication will become scary only by intuition.
You must adopt a mutual cure attitude
You must know that love is accompanied by many realistic trivia
You can’t live without work, you can’t always be in a waterfall or in a cloud
Love is a realistic adventure
Many times you will be unhappy
Pessimism is often seen as an enemy of good things
In many cases, it is indeed
But in the journey of love, pessimism is the best attitude you can give yourself and your partner.
This is the future of love that I have depicted for you. Thank you all.
anyone there?
Unbelievable, if you refer to world history, it’s really unbelievable
Because we can not only get married, but also the concept of happiness
Can only go back to the mid-18th century
Before that, people endured their companions for housework and children.
And don’t expect to love each other
A new concept emerged in the eighteenth century
Historians call it “romanticism”
And we are all heirs of romanticism
In fact, the way people love is deeply affected by social circumstance.
La Rochefort can say:
Some people will not fall in love if they have not heard of “love”.
a little cynical
But actually this reminds us
The way we love is quite controlled by our society.
Today, we are “romantic” love
We are all heirs of romanticism
Romanticism is an ideology worth discussing
Romanticism says that we have a soul mate in the world.
Our task is to find that person when “feeling special”
By an intuitive attraction, we know that he is the destined person
Maybe in a bar, nightclub, train
We will have that special feeling
Then we will call a friend and tell him that I finally have that special feeling.
Great
Everyone has that special feeling, then marry and have children.
If you don’t, you will be nervous
You are dating software, website
Prepare for that special feeling until the soul mate appears
The advantage of finding a soul mate is that we will never be lonely again.
Everything we do will be perfectly understood by another person
No more lonely, all feelings and hopes will be recognized
Really good news
With a soul mate, we have no more secrets and fully understand each other.
In the past, shameful or fragile feelings can be revealed, he will recognize and support you.
That’s great.
One more thing is that people who invent romanticism don’t have to work.
Or only a little work
Things that are inseparable from romance, have a long and bleak afternoon
Walking in nature
Very stressed waterfalls and large areas of water
Twilight is also very important to romantics
The sun shines on the lower edge of the cloud, and the moment of dyed with pink tones is also important.
One more thing, they believe that love and sex are inseparable
People used to think that love and sex don’t necessarily exist at the same time.
But romanticism believes that sex is the highest expression of love.
Therefore, affair became a tragedy in the 19th century, and an important theme of the novel.
All the important novels of the nineteenth century are related to affair
From Madame Bovary to Anna Karenina, etc.
The reason why stealing is a tragedy
It is because romanticism turns sex into the ultimate proof of love.
You should be able to hear that I am not a big fan of romanticism.
I think it has caused us a lot of trouble.
In fact, I think that romanticism is the biggest enemy we have encountered in love.
If we want to learn how to love better
We must give up the feeling that many romanticism makes us fall in love
What is the problem with romance? Why are you so cynical?
Let’s start with a few things
One problem is that it is not like romanticism tells us
We are not only simple, cute, people who pursue soul mate
We are very dangerous, most people are on the verge of losing their minds.
This is not a special case. It is like human beings.
We are all just trying to stay normal, it is dangerous to be close to us.
We have all kinds of impulses, feelings, desires, and getting close to us becomes a big problem.
Only people who just met, we will feel normal
Once we know a little more, we will know that he is not normal.
In other words, we are all crazy and difficult to get along with.
Then the people we may be close to will be problematic.
And he won’t have a way to tell us his own problem.
Those problems are in his intimate autobiography, and they are not known in the conversation
In a society that is aware of psychological problems, what we should ask when we are dating
What is your problem?
My question is this, what about you?
This should become the standard question when we date.
It sounds like a monk, but not
Another reason why we don’t understand our mental state is
No one will tell us before we enter a stable relationship.
Our friends will not
Sometimes in the process of interaction, we will say, I would rather marry my friend.
They don’t care so much, why are you doing this?
My mom won’t pick me wrong.
But the reason is that mom and friends don’t care enough.
They don’t have to be with you all day long.
They don’t have to reflect to you, only the long-term loved ones have to deal with the problem.
So we don’t have information about these major issues.
Friends don’t care, the general lover breaks up directly
Because they have no time to invest in deep mutual inspiration
It’s very troublesome to have two people in question together.
In addition, the past people are married for a reason.
Both parents will find a reasonable reason to decide the marriage
Adjoining land, the same religion, etc.
Now we believe in intuition
Intuition will take us to the people who can make us happy.
But the problem is – roughly speaking, this is also the 20th century psychoanalysis that teaches us
It teaches us that when we fall in love with someone, we are rebuilding the pattern of childhood.
We have learned love in the family.
When we fall in love with someone in adulthood, we will subconsciously copy the experience at that time.
The problem is that when adults fall in love, they don’t necessarily find someone who can make themselves happy.
We will find people we feel familiar with.
But usually happiness and familiarity are two different things.
Because the love you know when you were young may be unhealthy or problematic.
For example, to love alienation, hard to control, or people we are afraid of, etc.
This explains why you often arrange two friends to know
As far as objective conditions are concerned, they are very suitable
Then your friend told you that he is great, but I just don’t feel it.
You think that feeling is the proof of future happiness, but not
That may mean that he is too normal for your friends.
Too healthy, he does not meet your friend’s request for torture.
So we will say that he is very good, but a bit boring
Boring is to say that he is too healthy, not in line with my crazy taste.
So I just have to forget
Intuition is a big problem
We will only feel the talents who bring us familiar troubles.
Another problem is that in the feelings, romanticism wants us to be ourselves.
But being yourself is a curse that we should not be for anyone we care about.
Because all of our faces must be problematic.
But we feel that if we don’t do ourselves completely, we are not sincere.
Sincerity is the entrance to true love
This is a very bad situation
In the early stage of the interaction, we will share all the secrets.
The other party likes it, and the terrible world outside is full of humanity.
Because you have met someone who has the same feelings for everything.
This is the big release that I felt in the early days of love.
But later, usually related to sex, honestly
You often say, you want to do that
Then he said, well, I always wanted to do that
You said, really, I always wanted to do but no one…
He said, yes, I want to do it, let’s do it!
That’s really great, free liberation
Then one day you are in the restaurant, maybe you have been in contact for three months.
You said that you look at the waiter.
It would be interesting if we asked him to join us.
But your object, the person who knows you so well
Know your feelings, your mother, your interesting things, people you know too
Suddenly it looks very serious, even a little angry
You said oh, oh,
You suddenly realize that “that” has become a conflict between love and honesty.
At this time, most of us will choose love, not sincerity.
We are not too attached to what I want to do with that person.
We redraw the line again, and loneliness is back.
Romanticism says this is a disaster, because love requires absolute sincerity
But I met the waiter and the waiter…
Have difficulty
Romanticism also tells us if two people really love each other
You shouldn’t say too much, you will have a heart
The most fascinating thing about love is that you don’t talk to each other and you know your moment.
This is a disaster, the first three months are very charming
But for a long time, the idea of understanding each other without communication is a disaster.
This is a disaster that all beings have experienced together in broken love.
This will bring the cold war
In the love that is self-evident, the Cold War is that you will not tell each other.
What are you angry with?
You are angry, but you don’t say
Because he loves you, he should know what you are dying.
So you will shut yourself in the toilet and don’t say anything.
Because people who really love you can see through the toilet door
Know what happened to you
Another romantic issue is to believe that love is totally acceptable.
The two will never try to change each other
When you say that he eats cereal, he will make strange noises.
He said, wait a minute, I thought you loved me.
You said, I love you, just the strange voice…
He said that you are so bad, my mother, my friend, my predecessor will not be like this.
You said, I love you, I have to tell you about the cereal.
And this is considered a violation of the basic rules of love, but not
We misunderstood love, we should go back to ancient Greece
The ancient Greeks had a more sensible view of love.
The ancient Greeks believed that love is the power that brings us closer to perfection, virtue, and achievement.
When we see virtue or achievement, we will feel the power of love.
At the same time inclusive, fragile
We embrace it, be kind to it, but don’t love it, just endure it
But true love is focused on perfection and achievement.
On the contrary, romanticism, there is no such thing as a shortcoming, everything should be equally loved.
Not allowing education
The ancient Greeks believed that when you fell in love with others, you must educate each other.
You will try to educate him, he will try to educate you
In the current love, education has gone a long way.
Because romanticism makes it seem illegal
A good teacher should be able to teach the audience with ease and properness.
The audience also feels that being a student is justified.
In today’s love, such a role does not exist.
When we want to teach each other what, why do we do so badly
Not just because we believe in righteousness, but because we have made a big bet
Good teachers don’t care much about the progress of the students.
Does the student understand that it is not important
I will learn the next lesson.
In love, we care very much, for this hysterical
We stand on the edge of life and try to teach each other
Because we can’t get rid of the feeling of being married or wrong.
Life is ruined
That state is not suitable for teaching others how to eat or tell a little story.
You are hysterical, you think that your life is ruined, you marry / married an idiot
He doesn’t even know
So you are yelling, screaming, humiliating
And no one will learn anything in shame
When you say humiliation, communication is over.
He doesn’t agree with you, and he is offended.
We know that we need to use 99% of praise and 1% of criticism.
We have the opportunity to educate others
So we don’t teach, we see education as the destruction of love, not the starting point.
We are all so imperfect, of course our lover will have our faults
Of course they will try to improve us.
But we should make the process of improvement justified
Not now, because we believe that improving the basic principles of betrayal of love
How to solve it? We have to reinvent love
We live in the age of technology, we are very used to the re-invention of technology or policy.
We must invent the emotional foundation that gave birth to our lives.
I am very excited about this, I am interested to come to me to discuss
We must reinvent the way of love and love
First of all, we have to throw in instinct, of course, intuition can not be used.
Think about it, you said that I am going to have a brain surgery this afternoon, I want to rely on intuition.
Or to land the airbus by intuition
Of course you won’t, it will be a disaster.
But very strange, we have been reluctant to accept a basic education of feelings.
We need a little more treatment — not to say that we want to lower our expectations for feelings.
Instead, maintain the original expectation and install the stent for treatment.
To reach the high point we should pursue
Some things I want to put into the course of love
Something we should learn if we want to be a better lover.
First, we should stop treating our partner as an adult.
But treat them as children
The reason why this is important is when the child does something wrong.
Think about cooking for your child, he is two or three years old.
You cooked broccoli and gave it to him and put it in front of him.
Then he swung the plate down and started screaming.
What do you do as a modern parent?
You won’t beat him
You won’t say that I am very angry, I am very tired to go to work today, now you are doing this again.
Are you getting me?
You won’t say that
You said, oh, maybe my child has a toothache.
Maybe he is very jealous of his newborn baby sister.
Maybe it makes him very stressed, maybe he is tired, so it will be like this.
In other words, our interpretation of behavior becomes very generous.
We won’t be like adults, because we think this person is an adult.
And of course, most adults look like adults, unfortunately
If we look like a child, it is much more convenient.
Like the benefit of a physical injury is
For example, you broke your hand.
Everyone will say, oh, your hand is broken, so pitiful, I will open the door for you.
But if your soul is hurt, your mind is wounded
Everyone thinks you are normal
You said no, I was hurt, just can’t see it.
We don’t look like children, but they are actually children.
We are very grateful when we are treated as relatively young people.
But we forgot how generous and kind to treat others like this.
Because this is love, love is more tolerant understanding of other people’s behavior
In addition, it is important to understand whether others are malicious when doing something.
To do this, we must learn to be humorous.
Something entertaining like a comedy or a game show
Is a very important resource in the relationship
What is the use of humor, think about the comedy characters we like?
Like Larry David
If you meet him in the real world
You will think this person is a big idiot.
You hate him, he sucks
But after a humorous comedy package
You think he is a cute idiot, this is very important
This is the sign of love.
When you can change your opinion of your partner from an idiot into a cute idiot
You have learned that we should all learn, love the most important lesson.
We have to remember
Secrets can be there
Don’t try to expose everything about you
If loneliness only accounts for 40% of you, this is good.
It is wrong to think that love can make loneliness completely disappear.
You can’t blame others for not understanding you all.
You can’t fully understand yourself, how can you expect others to read your mind?
Let’s take a look at the pending confirmation to determine if you are ready to love.
You know that you are ready, when you understand it gently, you are problematic.
When you understand it gently, your partner is problematic.
You know that you don’t know yourself, he doesn’t know him.
And your communication will become scary only by intuition.
You must adopt a mutual cure attitude
You must know that love is accompanied by many realistic trivia
You can’t live without work, you can’t always be in a waterfall or in a cloud
Love is a realistic adventure
Many times you will be unhappy
Pessimism is often seen as an enemy of good things
In many cases, it is indeed
But in the journey of love, pessimism is the best attitude you can give yourself and your partner.
This is the future of love that I have depicted for you. Thank you all.
Please follow and like us: