hi my name is Eddie little Eddie what’s
the rest of my name
they’re dating boy and they know it oh
yeah what up
Oh
hi your question is bigger
okay so I stopped it
you
and that’s how I get ready every morning
ah
this is my house
this is 851 1/3 1/2 sorry my parents is
a 51 and this is my small apartment /
bedroom this is also where I’ve lived
for like the past 12 years now which is
kind of a big part of who I am I spent a
lot of time swimming in that pool
playing all sorts of games and kind of
one of the funniest things is one year I
just got so girly that my friend was
like it’s really weird when you swim
without a top ha so even before coming
out as trans I wasn’t allowed from
topless
hi and I was four or five I realized
that I wasn’t a girl yeah it was
supposed to be the US gonna become a
father and not a mother and so that’s
kind of where things sort of started
Eddie’s talking about a video Cinderella
Castle on the scene where the
stepmothers tear off the dress that
Cinderella has is wearing thank God you
know I kept going Bob you’re not going
to the ball for the longest time I kind
of have this fantasy that I’d escaped to
that like a fairy godmother would common
you know turn me into a girl and make
everything better it was kind of such an
escape for me she came to me one time
and she’s probably got four years old
crying and saying that daddy I want to
be a girl and at the time I just thought
she was going through some kind of a
phase thanks it was ten years old said
something about I feel like I’m like a
two feet person inside of me being one
like a boy Eddie and then the other is a
girl when I was explained to myself that
I was a boy it was because God had made
me that way which didn’t make a really
great relationship as a five-year-old
between me and God along with the Mormon
culture and how it can be really really
difficult to understand something when
it’s either not a prevalent or or it’s
just hidden then when she got to be
about 16 she had a girlfriend so he had
a girlfriend
and things seemed like they were getting
better she was less effeminate in the
way she did things and I thought okay it
was just a phase everything’s fine in
our church in the LDS Church she was
ordained to the priesthood and was the
first assistant to the bishop and so she
was you know very involved and so I came
home one day because she hadn’t shown up
at church and she was still in bed and I
came in and I said hey what’s the deal
and she started crying and she said she
said dad let’s face it I’m gay I came
out as gay but that was sort of my
excuse to be myself which was a woman so
I wore women’s clothing but I told
everybody those gay and you know I had
feminine features I’m even though I was
a boy and a lot of people would think
that I was a girl and they would stop me
from going into the bathrooms and I was
just I was you know loud and proud of
being gay and not being very good at
being gay on top of being really
conservative LDS we also went to a
Mormon private school my sister and I
both so being LDS was our life it’s one
of the reasons that you know I didn’t
find out about what being trans was
until I was an adult and out of high
school a lot of people they think you
didn’t know what gay people were until
you were 14 or 15 years old like where
have you lived while I was living in
Utah
in a Mormon you know saturated Mormon
community and homeschooled or going to a
Mormon private school so so you know
there was not an opportunity to learn
about you know the things that were
different or inappropriate
even before I came out I always spent
tons of time getting ready
my sister was who’s much more just sort
of relaxed and in herself wouldn’t take
as much time getting ready and my dad
had this like this joke that he would
tell Eddie spends all this time getting
ready because surely he’s so beautiful
and if normally you know you say that
with a brother and sister involved and
it’s not a big deal but to me I was a
boy but I didn’t really feel like a boy
and to hear my dad say that like I
wasn’t as beautiful as my sister was I
was it really hard and I didn’t have any
confidence in my appearance growing up
and and seeing my sister get asked out
on dates and into the dance to a
fifteen-year-old that’s important and
like that was really hard and I was like
of course I’m I’m this ugly boy and my
sister’s a beautiful girl that was
really a really difficult thing for me
to deal with
you know being in a Mormon private
school I didn’t graduate I just stopped
going when I came out we sent Eddie to
Japan to stay with his his grandparents
for about six months I was watching TV
with my grandparents and they have this
panel of 100 trans people my grandma
turned to me I was like oh this is all
about you and I thought no grandma this
is not I’m different than that and then
all the Sun that really hit her and
started to watch what’s going on is you
really realizes that that’s what she has
it was a month later that she came in to
me and she said dad I want you to know I
I’m not really gay I’m I’m a you know
I’m a a woman that’s trapped in a man’s
body and that’s why I thought I was gay
and then she immediately said but don’t
worry I’m not gonna I’m not gonna get a
sex change operation or anything because
I think she was worried about me one
event that was a real turning point was
one night I was sitting on the on the
couch and Eddie came walking in and she
said and she sat down on the couch and
she had but you know a really strange
look on her face I had this dream that
and it was a reoccurring dream that I’d
you know I chopped off my penis and you
know I was in a really dark spot of
space and not necessarily logical and
her plan was to perform the operation on
herself and we live just across the
street from a hospital and she said that
she said I knew you could get me to the
hospital before I died and then I
wouldn’t have this thing anymore
that I hate and she said I started to do
the operation then I realized that I had
a serious problem I think they took it
more seriously realized they need to
take some more cherry steps and we got
me to counseling and after being
diagnosed I was unable to you know start
taking hormones change my name and all
those things and work towards surgery
it’s there they’re not so funny you know
cancer is not imaginary like stalking
out the paramotor to my god they’re so
stare like a boring nice on a physicist
Oh colonies Christina better go ahead we
believe that the church leaders are
receiving revelation that helps them to
be able to better serve in the end the
callings that were given in the
priesthood we have the proclamation of
the world on the family which states
very clearly that a marriage is between
a man and a woman in my opinion and he’s
a woman and so I don’t see a problem
with that and I’m hoping that the
leaders of the church are gonna see it
that way and that she’ll be able to get
married
and she won’t be able to have children
she can hopefully adopt children I’m
willing to do all these things but even
if I were to do all them there are
specific limitations whether it be
biological or you know the church
principle that say that a trans person
even after SRS can’t go to the temple
which means can our temple marriage can
have kids it’s like why try if you’re
going to fail she hasn’t been coming to
church with us for quite a while I think
it’s difficult for her to come there
because she does feel like she’s judged
sometimes from people she has a strong
belief in a strong faith and and I just
want the obstacle removed that keeps her
from being able to you know live live
the faith that that she’s always
believed in her whole life and some
parts of the religion still filtered
through and are part of of me and Who I
am today
but a lot of that kind of got filtered
out and
I should go back and sort of see if if
those are parts that I want to
reincorporate in this person that I am
now but at the same time I’m really busy
with transitioning
I think maybe being so unhappy in my
body for the longest time helps me
really separate what are physical things
and what are my spiritual components
I don’t think that I succumbed to my
body I think I succumbed to my spirit
and what it needed
it was just like letting go and letting
the picture come into focus by itself
without me trying to force it to be
something that’s not when it comes down
to it the only thing that I can believe
in is the relationship between me and
God and if if something happens and I
was wrong then that’s okay because at
least I made that decision myself if we
were to all die and be resurrected
tomorrow and this young man comes up to
me and says dad look I got resurrected
as a man but I’m okay with that I don’t
know that I would be okay with that
because I would say where’s my daughter
and and who’s this young man that that
that I don’t know I’m hoping that this
this documentary that you’re shooting
will be watched by some parents
and then maybe something that we’ve said
will help them and through helping them
will help their children
you
the rest of my name
they’re dating boy and they know it oh
yeah what up
Oh
hi your question is bigger
okay so I stopped it
you
and that’s how I get ready every morning
ah
this is my house
this is 851 1/3 1/2 sorry my parents is
a 51 and this is my small apartment /
bedroom this is also where I’ve lived
for like the past 12 years now which is
kind of a big part of who I am I spent a
lot of time swimming in that pool
playing all sorts of games and kind of
one of the funniest things is one year I
just got so girly that my friend was
like it’s really weird when you swim
without a top ha so even before coming
out as trans I wasn’t allowed from
topless
hi and I was four or five I realized
that I wasn’t a girl yeah it was
supposed to be the US gonna become a
father and not a mother and so that’s
kind of where things sort of started
Eddie’s talking about a video Cinderella
Castle on the scene where the
stepmothers tear off the dress that
Cinderella has is wearing thank God you
know I kept going Bob you’re not going
to the ball for the longest time I kind
of have this fantasy that I’d escaped to
that like a fairy godmother would common
you know turn me into a girl and make
everything better it was kind of such an
escape for me she came to me one time
and she’s probably got four years old
crying and saying that daddy I want to
be a girl and at the time I just thought
she was going through some kind of a
phase thanks it was ten years old said
something about I feel like I’m like a
two feet person inside of me being one
like a boy Eddie and then the other is a
girl when I was explained to myself that
I was a boy it was because God had made
me that way which didn’t make a really
great relationship as a five-year-old
between me and God along with the Mormon
culture and how it can be really really
difficult to understand something when
it’s either not a prevalent or or it’s
just hidden then when she got to be
about 16 she had a girlfriend so he had
a girlfriend
and things seemed like they were getting
better she was less effeminate in the
way she did things and I thought okay it
was just a phase everything’s fine in
our church in the LDS Church she was
ordained to the priesthood and was the
first assistant to the bishop and so she
was you know very involved and so I came
home one day because she hadn’t shown up
at church and she was still in bed and I
came in and I said hey what’s the deal
and she started crying and she said she
said dad let’s face it I’m gay I came
out as gay but that was sort of my
excuse to be myself which was a woman so
I wore women’s clothing but I told
everybody those gay and you know I had
feminine features I’m even though I was
a boy and a lot of people would think
that I was a girl and they would stop me
from going into the bathrooms and I was
just I was you know loud and proud of
being gay and not being very good at
being gay on top of being really
conservative LDS we also went to a
Mormon private school my sister and I
both so being LDS was our life it’s one
of the reasons that you know I didn’t
find out about what being trans was
until I was an adult and out of high
school a lot of people they think you
didn’t know what gay people were until
you were 14 or 15 years old like where
have you lived while I was living in
Utah
in a Mormon you know saturated Mormon
community and homeschooled or going to a
Mormon private school so so you know
there was not an opportunity to learn
about you know the things that were
different or inappropriate
even before I came out I always spent
tons of time getting ready
my sister was who’s much more just sort
of relaxed and in herself wouldn’t take
as much time getting ready and my dad
had this like this joke that he would
tell Eddie spends all this time getting
ready because surely he’s so beautiful
and if normally you know you say that
with a brother and sister involved and
it’s not a big deal but to me I was a
boy but I didn’t really feel like a boy
and to hear my dad say that like I
wasn’t as beautiful as my sister was I
was it really hard and I didn’t have any
confidence in my appearance growing up
and and seeing my sister get asked out
on dates and into the dance to a
fifteen-year-old that’s important and
like that was really hard and I was like
of course I’m I’m this ugly boy and my
sister’s a beautiful girl that was
really a really difficult thing for me
to deal with
you know being in a Mormon private
school I didn’t graduate I just stopped
going when I came out we sent Eddie to
Japan to stay with his his grandparents
for about six months I was watching TV
with my grandparents and they have this
panel of 100 trans people my grandma
turned to me I was like oh this is all
about you and I thought no grandma this
is not I’m different than that and then
all the Sun that really hit her and
started to watch what’s going on is you
really realizes that that’s what she has
it was a month later that she came in to
me and she said dad I want you to know I
I’m not really gay I’m I’m a you know
I’m a a woman that’s trapped in a man’s
body and that’s why I thought I was gay
and then she immediately said but don’t
worry I’m not gonna I’m not gonna get a
sex change operation or anything because
I think she was worried about me one
event that was a real turning point was
one night I was sitting on the on the
couch and Eddie came walking in and she
said and she sat down on the couch and
she had but you know a really strange
look on her face I had this dream that
and it was a reoccurring dream that I’d
you know I chopped off my penis and you
know I was in a really dark spot of
space and not necessarily logical and
her plan was to perform the operation on
herself and we live just across the
street from a hospital and she said that
she said I knew you could get me to the
hospital before I died and then I
wouldn’t have this thing anymore
that I hate and she said I started to do
the operation then I realized that I had
a serious problem I think they took it
more seriously realized they need to
take some more cherry steps and we got
me to counseling and after being
diagnosed I was unable to you know start
taking hormones change my name and all
those things and work towards surgery
it’s there they’re not so funny you know
cancer is not imaginary like stalking
out the paramotor to my god they’re so
stare like a boring nice on a physicist
Oh colonies Christina better go ahead we
believe that the church leaders are
receiving revelation that helps them to
be able to better serve in the end the
callings that were given in the
priesthood we have the proclamation of
the world on the family which states
very clearly that a marriage is between
a man and a woman in my opinion and he’s
a woman and so I don’t see a problem
with that and I’m hoping that the
leaders of the church are gonna see it
that way and that she’ll be able to get
married
and she won’t be able to have children
she can hopefully adopt children I’m
willing to do all these things but even
if I were to do all them there are
specific limitations whether it be
biological or you know the church
principle that say that a trans person
even after SRS can’t go to the temple
which means can our temple marriage can
have kids it’s like why try if you’re
going to fail she hasn’t been coming to
church with us for quite a while I think
it’s difficult for her to come there
because she does feel like she’s judged
sometimes from people she has a strong
belief in a strong faith and and I just
want the obstacle removed that keeps her
from being able to you know live live
the faith that that she’s always
believed in her whole life and some
parts of the religion still filtered
through and are part of of me and Who I
am today
but a lot of that kind of got filtered
out and
I should go back and sort of see if if
those are parts that I want to
reincorporate in this person that I am
now but at the same time I’m really busy
with transitioning
I think maybe being so unhappy in my
body for the longest time helps me
really separate what are physical things
and what are my spiritual components
I don’t think that I succumbed to my
body I think I succumbed to my spirit
and what it needed
it was just like letting go and letting
the picture come into focus by itself
without me trying to force it to be
something that’s not when it comes down
to it the only thing that I can believe
in is the relationship between me and
God and if if something happens and I
was wrong then that’s okay because at
least I made that decision myself if we
were to all die and be resurrected
tomorrow and this young man comes up to
me and says dad look I got resurrected
as a man but I’m okay with that I don’t
know that I would be okay with that
because I would say where’s my daughter
and and who’s this young man that that
that I don’t know I’m hoping that this
this documentary that you’re shooting
will be watched by some parents
and then maybe something that we’ve said
will help them and through helping them
will help their children
you
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