choice is one of the most important
concepts that you can get we’re gonna be
talking about the laws of the universe
one of the laws is a law polarity
there’d be no inside to the room you’re
in if there wasn’t an outside you
couldn’t have a right side to your body
without her left for a top without a
bottom or a front without a back you
can’t have a bad without a good see the
truth is we make it bad or good Ralph
Waldo trying in tune with the infinite a
great puck he said nothing is good or
bad except our thinking we’ll make it so
well if everything’s both good and bad
and we bring it together what’s right in
the center if everything here is bad
everything here is good what’s in the
center just is everything just is you
choose whether you’re gonna look at the
downside of the upside Michael Beckwith
gave me a marvelous concept he said it
doesn’t matter what happens in your life
doesn’t matter what happens you can’t
control the circumstance but you can
certainly control how you deal with them
he said when anything happens step
number one it is what it is accepted
it’s either gonna control you or you’re
gonna control it that’s your choice step
number two harvest the good isn’t that a
neat word harvest harvest the good
there’s good and bad and everything just
harvest the good step number three
forgive all the rest forgive means like
go up completely it’s a choice and if
you like or the bad the good seems to
grow you and I have a choice it may be a
difficult choice sometimes if you’re
dealing with a particular difficult
individual or a particularly difficult
circumstance nevertheless we’ve got the
power within us to do it so as you go
through the day doesn’t matter what set
anybody says doesn’t matter what happens
you have a choice to say that’s good
w Clement stone became the wealthiest
man in the United States of America by
1970 because he always said that’s good
doesn’t matter what it was he’d say
that’s good and then he’d look for the
good
that’s a good choice for you to make and
make it all day long so your word for
the day is choice choice choice and only
you have the ability to do that and if
you choose right you are going to get
results that stick here’s what I’ve
learned about complaining in order to
complain I have to have a reference
point of something better that I want
that I’m not willing to risk creating
now let me explain that again I have to
have a reference point in my mind of
something I want it’s better than what I
have that I’m not willing to risk
creating so what I do is complain about
it instead see if I was complaining
about my wife it would mean that I would
have to believe that somewhere out there
in the world there’s a better woman than
my wife see if every woman on a planet
died except my wife do you think I go to
work the next day and complain about her
no she’s the only one
and I’d be going hey I got her this is
really cool right do you ever hear
anyone complain about gravity very
rarely you know gravity makes us all
bend over do you ever see an old person
walking down a street going gravity they
have a little Walker
I hate gravity so I’m for gravity I
wouldn’t be all bent over like this
gravity sucks now have you ever heard an
older person doing it no the reason they
don’t complain about gravity is because
there’s no alternative to it you know
gravity just is so if someone’s
complaining about something it means
they know there’s something they can do
about it because we don’t complain about
the things we can’t change
so as soon as you hear yourself
complaining I want you to stop and say
okay what would I rather have remember
Law of Attraction always just focus on
what you want not what you don’t want
because we’re talking about what you
don’t want when you’re complaining and
blaming you’re focusing on that which
you don’t want and you’re accelerating
its expression out into the universe
with those negative feelings and yet
we’ll spend a majority of our time
complaining about so many things and
usually we complain about them to people
who can’t do anything about it what’s
going to fulfill you is differently at
first next you’re not gonna learn that
from anybody else you got to find it
because success without fulfillment is
the ultimate failure and I get those
phone calls all the time for the multi
billionaire entrepreneur or politician
or business person or a person just won
their Academy Award and they’re
depressed and they can’t tell anybody
cuz they got all their goals but they’re
not fulfilled because they really don’t
have that sense of meaning in their life
they went for something and they got it
they achieved and if you doubt this one
I’m saying is relevant to you or us or
anyone just think about about a year and
what a month ago we lost what I consider
be a national treasure robbing wipes how
many of you loved robbing wipes
look around there I’ll keep the ants of
look and most of you didn’t know almost
ever and then where you go in the world
people love Robin Williams by the way
was he great at achievement oh my god
that guy he said he want to make become
a great comedian he did that I want to
make the world laugh
I want to make my own TV show he did I
wanted the number one TV show he did it
I want to make movies he did I want an
Academy Award for not being funny not
his skill set drama and he did it I want
a beautiful family he did it and then he
hung himself make everybody happy but
yourself not a good plan so if I had a
gift to give you it would be maybe make
a different decision and a decision is
that no matter what happens in your life
you’re gonna live in a beautiful state a
beautiful state and that could be happy
that could be grateful that could be
being generous those are all beautiful
States aren’t they it could be curious
it could be fun it could be playful
you’re not limited to one state but it’s
different than suffering and most people
suffering and all suffering I’ve ever
seen I’ve travelled 100 countries I’ve
dealt with presence of countries and you
know presidents of businesses CEOs I’ve
dealt with people in prison I thought
with you name it average people
suffering always comes because you’ve
obsessed about something related to you
you can only be depressed if you’re
focusing on yourself so now I’m
depressed cuz my kids and and they’re
not doing well no you’re depressed cuz
you feel you’ve failed your kids it’s
about you it’s about how you think you
but you should have done or shouldn’t
have done or what someone did to you or
didn’t do to you in the past or the
future which don’t even exist so I have
a simple goal my goal is help people
make a decision that says I don’t know
what’s gonna happen you might get a
divorce even though you don’t think so
you might find a family of your family
with cancer you might have your house
get burned down or have a tornado go by
and if you live in the same place it
happens every two years and you move
back we should talk but some people seem
to do that for some reason you can’t
control those things I can’t control
those things I don’t want those to
happen to you or anybody I love or
anybody who’s even a stranger to me but
they’re going to happen
true not positive thinking both just the
truth so if that’s gonna happen I say
make a decision now that says I’m gonna
live in a beautiful state and I’m gonna
find beauty and whatever Life brings me
cuz life is too short not to and so you
really have to believe the Internet’s
going to be mainstream a lot of people
are gonna get out there and use it and
that they’re going to be will
mean to pay for some content is that the
operating idea that you have well each
of these businesses is an
entrepreneurial business the
overreaching theme is that yes I believe
in the Internet I believe it’ll get
increasingly popular and we’re doing
some neat new things to take advantage
of that you’ve got a lot of cash on hand
yes right all right it puts you in an
into position you can experiment with a
lot of entrepreneurial ideas and see
what sticks and what flies well we’re in
business to make money and but the other
thing is providing such a cash flow for
you well it all belongs to the
shareholders
we’re not dilettante no I mean we are
business people and it is true that if
you find an idea that requires three or
four years of improvement and patience
and really sticking with it
that we’re very good at that take
Windows which we bet our company on
everybody who doubted that would succeed
IBM did not support us in that it took
longer than we expected over four years
before finally graphical interface got
popular and now people take it for
granted it’s part of every personal
computer and you just you just expect it
to be there that was one of the grand
successes of the company in the same way
we’re betting on the internet that our
tools there will be popular and that a
few of these content plays that we’ve
decided to get involved in that the
scale and and the users will make those
into great businesses and something is
considered quote unquote impossible how
do you reframe it so it becomes possible
in your mind
and how much of that is mindset well I
think impossible is not a fact it’s an
opinion when someone tells me it’s
impossible
I always just look at anybody around me
knows that they can’t do this that’s
part of it but if they didn’t know me
it’s your opinion they’ll say no science
shows and I say yeah and how many times
the science shows something’s impossible
now science shows it’s possible things
are impossible till somebody does it and
so I find that you know most of your
business people you look at businesses
and what does it take to make a business
grow it’s not impossible like the
business growth has been shrinking for a
long time or it’s been stuck
the real problem is always the chokehold
as always the psychology and the skills
of the leader always an 80% of that as
psychology and 20% is the mechanics like
if you don’t know how to read your
financials and you’re trying to fly the
plane of your your company I mean come
on you know if all you do is go down and
you look at profit loss and you see what
it is and you have a beer either way you
either celebrating at the brass you know
something you know you’re gonna be in
trouble right but if you have the
skillsets that’s one thing but you can
get any skill set at the other
psychology and anytime a business is not
growing it is not because it’s
impossible it’s because they aren’t
innovating and they’re not innovating
because they’re believing it’s
impossible I mean if we all know what
does it take to transform and obviously
uh people it takes three things to
create a breakthrough and anything and
your personal life in your business
anywhere you need a strategy but that’s
not the first place you should look and
it’s the first place all of us look me
too it’s our inherent thing you want to
lose weight or how do I do it I’m gonna
grow my business how do I do it it’s
it’s instinctively been trained to think
that way but the problem is the how-to
is usually not that complex gonna come
on
70% of America is what 75% of America
now is overweight is that because it’s
so complex how to be fit and strong
right you know only the 1% know the
answer is they hide it from you you have
to work your ass off to not hear what it
takes right and so so you know I never I
went to this I went to a TED med Center
and I watched about 12 doctors won’t
have to know to get up and do these
stories about how we could just get
patients to take their medications and
try to figure out the whole thing and I
was just looking and going you’re all
talking about strategy and you’ve
forgotten psychology because strategy’s
wonderful I’m a strategist and my whole
life figuring out strategy is we both
know a strategy could save you a decade
right and business strategy could save
you you know it could make the
interesting success and failure but most
people have strategies available or they
could get them or you could create and
but the problem is you got a story and
your story is why it isn’t working and
the story is I’ve tried what
but everything if you tried everything
you’d be fit you try everything you’d be
profitable if you tried everything you’d
be there but people say it you know I’m
big-boned that’s what I used to say I’m
still big-boned but I’m 38 pounds
lighter than I was 25 years ago and I’ve
never gained it back right a bar was big
bone that was my story all the good ones
are gone that’s why I’m not in a
relationship or they’re gay and I’m not
or in-game they are whatever the story
is there’s always a story and what I
tell people’s you know if you can just
divorce the story of your limitation and
marry the truth of your unlimited
capacity then the whole game changes
you’ve lived a life dominated by doubt
that’s how you step in the bravery step
take the step step aggressively towards
your fear and that that step towards
your fear is the step into bravery
because we were scared of what we don’t
know and there’s only one way to learn
and to know and that is to confront that
fear you have to step you have to go and
this simple action
this simple attitude it answers so many
questions
my theory here would be if you’re afraid
of fighting and altercations go change
it so if you’re afraid of heights work
on some rock climbing climbing if you’re
afraid of the water it’s time to swim
it’s time to surf is trying to get out
there if you’re afraid of pull-ups if if
you’re afraid of pulps do pull-ups if
you’re in squats do squats if you’re
afraid of public speaking go speak in
public mm-hmm if you’re afraid to start
a business start a business make it
small and on all these what you have to
do is you have to mitigate the risk and
you have to ease yourself into it but
you got to go for it and eventually you
will overcome that fear but the hard
part is you got to take that first step
you got to take that first step to begin
to inoculate yourself against the fear
against the fear of the thing that’s in
your mind because that fear generally is
in your mind yeah you know when you get
up on stage do a public speaking people
are not gonna throw tomatoes at you and
say oh my you’re an idiot get off the
stage no 30 then they’re gonna sit there
you know so there’s nothing to fear yeah
it’s in it’s in your head
g’day I’m schedule and stick to it okay
so what’s the rule with the schedule
it’s not a bloody prison that’s the
first thing that people do wrong is say
well I don’t like to have follow a
schedule it’s like well what kind of
schedule are you setting up well I
should I have to do this then I have to
do this then I have to do this you know
and then I just go play video games
because who wants to do all these things
that I have to do
it’s like wrong set the damn schedule up
so that you have the day you want that’s
the trick it’s like okay I’ve got
tomorrow if I was gonna set it up so it
was the best possible day I could have
practically speaking what would it look
like well then you schedule that and
obviously there’s a bit of
responsibility that’s gonna go along
with that because if you have any sense
one of the things that you’re gonna
insist upon is that at the end of the
day you’re not in worse shape than you
were then then at the beginning of the
day right that’s a stupid day if you
have a bunch of those in a row you just
dig you know you dig yourself a hole and
then you bury yourself in it’s like
sorry that’s just not a good strategy
it’s a bad strategy
so maybe 20% of your day has to be
responsibility and obligation or maybe
it’s more than that depending on how far
behind you are but even that you can you
can ask yourself okay well I’ve got
these responsibilities I have to
schedule the damn things in what’s the
right ratio of responsibility to reward
and you can ask yourself that just like
you’d negotiate with someone who is
working for you it’s like okay you gotta
work tomorrow okay so I want you to work
tomorrow and you might say okay well
what are you gonna do for me that makes
it likely that I’ll work for you well
you could ask yourself that you know
maybe you do an hour of responsibility
and then you play a video game for 15
minutes I don’t know whatever turns your
crank man but you know you have to
negotiate with yourself and not
tyrannize yourself like you’re
negotiating with someone that you care
for that you would like to be productive
and have a good life and and that’s how
you make the schedule it’s like and then
you look at the day and you think well
if I had that day that’d be good great
you know and you you’re useless and
horrible so you’ll probably only hit it
with about 70 percent accuracy but that
beats the hell out of zero right and if
you hit it even with 50 percent accuracy
another rule is well aim for 51 percent
next week or 50 and a half percent for
God’s sake or because you’re gonna hit
that position where things start to loop
back positively and spiral you upward
don’t know what success is all about and
since they don’t know what it’s about
they really don’t know where to look for
it success is really nothing more than
the progressive realisation of a worthy
ideal this means that any person who
knows what he’s doing and where he’s
going is a success any person with a
goal toward which he’s working is a
successful person this means that the
boy and in high school who’s working
toward a diploma as a boy in college
toward a degree is just for successful
as any human being on it because he
knows what he’s doing why he’s getting
up in the morning and where he’s going
but conversely if a person doesn’t know
what he’s working toward what it is he
wants doesn’t ever go toward which he’s
working then he must at least by this
definition be called unsuccessful
why isn’t then with his simple
definition why isn’t everyone successful
should be easy yet surveys indicate that
19 out of 20 95% at least are not in
fact a survey one time as thousands of
working men why they got up in the
morning and went to work and 19 out of
20 didn’t know 19 out of 20 working
people didn’t have a fungus notion of
why they got up in the morning and went
to work under closer questioning they
said well everybody works well that
would be a good reason to quit in fact
there’s a little rule of thumb you might
want to remember whatever the great
majority is doing under any given
circumstance if you do exactly the
opposite you’ll probably never make
another mistake as long as you live just
something to keep in the back of your
mind
problem with most people is that they’re
playing the world’s most unrewarding
game and the name of the game is follow
the follower there’s a story about a
small town in which there was a jewelry
store like all jewelry stores most
jewelry stores at least he had a big
clock in his window and every morning
for years he’d noticed a working man
stop adjust his pocket watch at the same
time as a clock in the window he’d been
doing this for many years one morning
the jeweler was out in front sweeping
the sidewalk and so yes the man he said
tell me why do you just you know watch
to my big clock every morning I’ve
noticed you’re doing that for years
and that’s where I’m the foreman down at
the big plant he said I want to make
sure my watch is correct because I blow
the quitting whistle every night at five
o’clock that you would have looked at
mother strangely from a Mesa well that’s
funny thing I’ve been setting that big
clock in the window by that quitting
whistle all these years a very logical
thing but they could have been off six
months it was a case of a person just
going along with what he thought to be
correct without checking his references
so I want to suggest it now on out at
least we do that that we check our
references and ask ourselves are the
people I’m following knowing what I want
to go next thing is that you’ve got to
activate the thinker in you don’t allow
your emotions to control you we are
emotional but who you want to begin to
discipline your emotion if you don’t
discipline and contain your emotions
they will use you your mind goes on
automatic just like a guard you know I
loved reading the book call as a man
thinketh by James Allen he uses the
analogy of the mind being like a garden
you know weeds don’t have to have any
encouragement to grow you don’t have to
water them they don’t have to get
sunshine they don’t have to have fertile
ground they will grow through the cracks
of a sidewalk am i right
but if you want to grow orchids or roses
or any kind of exotic flowers there are
special processes and procedures you
must go through we’re by the same token
you don’t have to force yourself or
motivate yourself to think negatively to
be depressed to hate somebody to want
revenge you want to get back at somebody
to beat yourself up over the head to
feel loaded with guilt you don’t have to
make any effort to do that your mind is
on automatic it will do that by itself
but if you want to begin to move into
your own personal greatness if you want
to begin to really enjoy a happy
successful healthy life you’ve got to be
willing to go against the tide you’ve
got to be willing to harness your will
and say in spite of this I’m in control
here I’m not gonna let this get me down
I’m not gonna let this destroy me I’m
coming back and I’ll be stronger and
better because of it you have got to
make a declaration that this is what you
stand for you’re standing up for your
dreams you’re standing up for peace of
mind you’re standing up for health you
want it and you’re gonna go all out to
have it it’s not going to be easy when
you want to change it’s not easy if it
were in fact easy everybody to do it but
[Music]
attitude has been called the most
important word in any language in the
world because it’s our attitude toward
our world toward all the people in it
that will determine the world’s attitude
and all the people’s attitude toward us
it’s a simple thing most of us won’t but
we tend to forget it people will react
to us according to our attitude and our
attitude is the greatest gift we can be
given you know the little creatures of
the world were given a wonderful gift by
mother nature called protective coloring
in which they can blend into the
background without being seen but man
was not given this great gift because
man was given an incalculably greater
one only man has the godlike power to
make his surroundings change to fit him
because his environment will change as
he changes the man’s environment is a
merciless mirror of him as a human being
and if he thinks his environment could
stand a little improvement all he has to
do is improve and this environment will
improve to reflect the changing man
another key in building this winning
edge is folks you got to stand for
something people in America the good
people in America are fed up with here
with these dadgum fence sitters and
melee miles
corporate America has an especially
black eye in business today most people
America think you can’t find a company
they think you can’t find a salesperson
that’ll tell you like it is and stand
behind the word they think these
companies will sell anything say
anything just to make a sale just to
make a profit well you know what folks
if you want to win in the free
enterprise system in America today you
got to stand for something set up some
aims for yourself goals that you
actually value and the future authoring
program helps people do that and
basically it does a situational analysis
of it helps you do a situational
analysis of your life more than a
psychological analysis I would say and
so the questions are something like well
alright you’re gonna have to put some
effort into your life and you need to be
motivated to do that and so what are the
potential sources of motivation well you
could think about them in in the big
five
Manor you know if you’re extroverted you
want friends if you’re agreeable you
want an intimate relationship if you’re
a disagreeable you want to win
competitions if you’re open you want to
engage in creative activity if you’re
high in eroticism you want security okay
so those are all sources of potential
motivation that you could draw on that
you could tailor to your own you know
your own personality but then there are
dimensions that you want to consider
your life across and so we ask people
about well you know if you could have
your life the way you wanted it in three
to five years if you were taking care of
yourself properly you know what would
you want from your friendships what
would you want from your intimate
relationship how would you like to
structure your family what do you want
for your career well how are you going
to use your time outside of your job and
how are you going to regulate your
mental physical mental and physical
health and maybe also your drug and
alcohol use because that’s that’s a good
place to auger down you know because
alcoholism for example wipes out you
know five to ten percent of people so
you want to keep that under control and
then and then so baby you know you you
you develop a vision of what your life
what you would like your life to be and
that associates the so the goal well
once the goal is established and then
you break down the goal into micro
processes that you could implement the
micro process has become rewarding in
proportion in relation to their causal
association with the goal and that
tangles in your your incentive reward
system you know we talked about the
dopaminergic incentive reward system and
that’s the thing that keeps you moving
forward and the way it works is that it
works better if it produces positive
emotion win it can see you moving
towards a valued goal okay well what’s
the implication of that better have a
valued goal because otherwise you can’t
get any positive motivation working out
and so the more valuable the goal in
principle the more the micro process is
associated with that goal start to take
on a positive charge and so what that
means is well you get up in the morning
and you’re excited about the day you’re
ready to go and so as far as I can tell
what you do is you specify your long
term ideal maybe you also specify a
place you want to stay the hell away
from so that you’re terrified to fail as
well as excited about succeeding because
that’s also useful you specify your goal
you
do that you do that in some sense as a
unique individual you want you want to
specify goals that make you say oh if
that could happen as a consequence of my
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
because the question always is why do
something because doing nothing is easy
you just sit there and you don’t do
anything that’s real easy the question
is why would you ever do anything and
the answer that has to be because you’ve
determined by some means that it’s
worthwhile and then the next question
might be well where should you look for
worthwhile things and one would be well
you could consult your own temperament
and the other would be well you kind of
look at how look at what it is that
people accrue that’s valuable across the
lifespan look look what so you do a
structural analysis of the sub
components of human existence and
already did that you need a family you
need friends like you don’t need to have
all these things but you better have
most of them family friends career
educational goals plans for you know
time outside of work attention to your
mental and physical health etc you know
those are that’s what life is about and
if you don’t have any of those things
well then all you’ve got left is misery
and suffering so that’s that’s a bad
that’s a bad deal for you so so once you
but once you set up that that goal
structure let’s say and that’s really in
many in many ways that’s what you should
be doing at universities is that’s
exactly what you should be doing is
trying to figure out who it is that
you’re trying to be right and you aim at
that and then use everything you learned
as a means of building that person that
you want to be and and I really mean
want to be I don’t mean should be even
those things those things are going to
overlap and it’s important to
distinguish between those because that’s
partly and this is back down to the
micro routine analysis so as I saying
while you’re gonna try to make yourself
more industrious okay number one specify
your damn goals because how are you
gonna hit something if you don’t know
what it is that isn’t going to happen
and often people won’t specify their
goals too because they don’t like to
specify conditions for failure so if you
keep yourself all vague and foggy which
is real easy because that’s just a
matter of not doing as well then you
don’t know when you fail and people
might say well I really don’t want to
know when I fail because that’s painful
it so I’ll keep my
self blind about when I fail that’s fine
except you’ll fail all the time then you
just won’t know it until you’ve failed
so badly that you’re done and that can
easily happen by the time you’re 40 so
so I would recommend that you don’t let
that happen
so that’s willful blindness right you
could have known but you chose not to
okay so once you get your goal structure
set up you think okay if I could have
this life it looks like that might be
worth living despite the fact that it’s
going to be you know anxiety provoking
and threatening and there’s gonna be
some suffering and loss involved in all
of that obviously the goal is to to have
a vision for your life such that all
things considered that justifies your
effort so what are the trade-offs that
you would consider like you know we work
our asses off we do a lot of stuff but
this is what we had to sacrifice in
order to do it if you think it that way
I think if you think of it as a
sacrifice
then you’re gonna build frustration and
resentment
I really don’t if you think it’s a
question shouldn’t do it I think the
challenge is that most people have this
illusion about life work balance that’s
you know if you’re gonna accomplish it
it’s what people are laughing is you
know it’s bull right what’s true is life
work integration so I was just in twenty
one country or seven country twenty-one
days but who’s with me is my family
who’s with me as my friends and I’ve
done well enough to have a plane and
that rooms and all that kind of cool
stuff makes it but when I didn’t we
still we puffed it together and
beginning days it was coach and dragging
ourselves around but I thought it was
great for my kids to have schooling but
I thought an education was more valuable
and traveling the earth was a part of
that but you know we’re in the middle of
this crazy schedule but we’re it’s not
work it’s a mission when it’s work it’s
that I always ask people I said how
would you describe what you do and
people I say because at work it’s a
couriers admission and most people of
course say it’s work and that’s exactly
what does this heavy if it’s you know if
it’s your career it gives you something
more but your mission it doesn’t wear
you out it brings energy to you it’s
fulfilling and if you can tie your
mission in with the people that you love
it’s pretty cool you know there some
people assume they’re my friends I see
Dean here in front row here and it’s
like we’re all on this mission and we
find time to connect and be with each
other and have a blast with each other
but we’re sharing about things that
matter
not a person to go to a party and like
you know go on the corner and chitchat
it’s like you want to talk about
something deep let’s rock you don’t let
me go home and be with my family you
know let me go do something fun with us
some of that nature if you can combine
your mission with your family combine
your mission with some of your friends
then you’re gonna accomplish a million
times more but if you think it’s a
sacrifice don’t do it because then all
you’re doing is you’re gonna have
resentment later on or frustration later
on and and then you really aren’t
contributing because it’s your you’re
trading off you’re not giving you don’t
have to necessarily have done anything
wrong for things to get completely out
of control it’s a terrifying doctrine
but it’s not a hopeless doctrine because
it still says that there’s a way forward
there’s a pathway forward and the
pathway forward is to adopt a mode of
being that has some nobility so that you
can tolerate yourself and perhaps even
have some respect for yourself as
someone who’s capable of standing up in
the face of that terrible vulnerability
and suffering and that the pathway
forward as far as the existentialists
are concerned is by well certainly by
the avoidance of deceit particularly in
language but also by the adoption of
responsibility for the conditions of
existence and some attempt on your part
to actually rectify them and the thing
that’s so interesting about that is
their well – as far as I’m concerned and
some of this is from clinical experience
you know if you take people and I’ve
told you this and you expose them
voluntarily to things that they are
avoiding and are afraid of you know that
they know they need to overcome in order
to meet their goals their self defined
goals if you can teach people to stand
up in the face of the things they’re
afraid of they get stronger and you
don’t know what the upper limits to that
are because you might ask yourself like
if for ten years if you didn’t avoid
doing what you knew you needed to do by
the depth by your own definitions right
within the value structure that you’ve
created to the degree that you’ve done
that what would you be like well you
know there are remarkable people who
come into the world from time to time
and there are people who do find out
over decades long periods what they
could be like if they were who they were
if they said if they spoke their being
forward and they baguette
longer and stronger and stronger and we
don’t know the limits to that we do not
know the limits to that and so you could
say well in part perhaps the reason that
you’re suffering unbearably can be left
at your feet because you’re not
everything you could be and you know it
and of course that’s a terrible thing to
admit and it’s a terrible thing to
consider but there’s real promise in it
right because it means that perhaps
there’s another way that you could look
at the world in a number another way
that you could act in the world so what
it would reflect back to you would be
much better than what it reflects back
to you now my experience is with people
that were probably running at about 51
percent of our capacity something mean
you can think about this yourselves I
often ask undergraduates how many hours
a day you waste or how many hours a week
you waste and the classic answer is
something like 4 to 6 hours a day
you know inefficient studying watching
things on YouTube that not only do you
not want to watch that you don’t even
care about that make you feel horrible
about watching after you’re done that’s
probably 4 hours right there know what
do you think well that’s 2025 hours a
week it’s a hundred hours a month that’s
two and a half full work weeks it’s half
a year of work weeks per year and if
your time is worth twenty dollars an
hour which is a radical under estimate
it’s probably more like 50 if you think
about it in terms of deferred wages if
you’re wasting 20 hours a week
you’re wasting fifty thousand dollars a
year and you are doing that right now
and it’s because you’re young wasting
fifty thousand dollars a year is a way
bigger catastrophe than it would be for
me to waste it because I’m not going to
last nearly as long and so if your life
isn’t everything it could be you could
ask yourself well what would happen if
you just stopped wasting the
opportunities that are in front of you
you be who knows how much more efficient
ten times more efficient 20 times more
efficient that’s the purrito
distribution you have no idea how
efficient efficient people get it’s
completely off it’s off the charts well
and if we all got our act together
collectively and stop making things
worse because that’s another thing
people do all the time not only do they
not do what they should to make things
better they actively attempt to make
things worse because they’re spiteful or
resentful or arrogant or
seat four or homicidal or genocide alors
all of those things all bundled together
in an absolutely pathological package if
people stop really really trying just to
make things worse we have no idea how
much better they would get just because
of that so there’s this weird dynamic
that’s part of the existential system of
ideas between human vulnerability social
judgement both of which are our major
causes of suffering and the failure of
individuals to adopt the responsibility
that they know they should adopt it
isn’t merely that your fate depends on
whether or not you get your act together
and to what degree you decide that
you’re going to live out your own
genuine being it isn’t only your fate
it’s the fate of everyone that you’re
networked with and so you know you think
well there’s nine billion seven billion
people in the world we’re going to peak
at about nine billion by the way and
then it’ll decline rapidly but seven
billion people in the world and who are
you you’re just one little dust mote
among that seven billion and so it
really doesn’t matter what you do or
don’t do but that’s simply not the case
it’s the wrong model because you’re at
the center of a network you’re a node in
a network of course that’s even more
true now that we have social media
you’ll you know you’ll know a thousand
people at least over the course of your
life and they’ll know a thousand people
each and that puts you one person away
from a million and two persons away from
a billion and so that’s how you’re
connected and the things you do they’re
like dropping a stone in a pond the
ripples move outward and they affect
things in ways that you can’t fully
comprehend and it means that the things
that you do and that you don’t do are
far more important than you think and so
if you act that way of course the terror
of realizing that is that it actually
starts to matter what you do and you
might say well that’s better than living
a meaningless existence it’s better for
it to matter but I mean if you really
ask yourself would you be so sure if you
had the choice I can live with no
responsibility whatsoever the price I
pay is that nothing matters or I can
reverse it and everything matters but I
have to take the responsibility that’s
associated with that it’s not so obvious
to me that people would take the
full path now when you say well
denialists suffered dreadfully because
there’s no meaning in their life and
they still suffer yeah but the
advantages they have no responsibility
so that’s the payoff and I actually
think that’s the motivation say well I
can’t help being nihilistic all my
belief systems have collapsed it’s like
yeah maybe maybe you’ve just allowed
them to collapse because it’s a hell of
a lot easier than acting them out and
the price you pay is some meaningless
suffering but you can always whine about
that and people will feel sorry for you
and you have the option of taking the
pathway of the martyr so that’s a pretty
good deal all things considered
especially when the are when the
alternative is to bear your burden
properly and to live forthrightly in the
world well what Solzhenitsyn figured out
and so many people in the 20th century
it’s not just him even though he’s the
best example is that if you live a
pathological life you pathologize your
society and if enough people do that
then it’s hell really really and you can
read the Gulag Archipelago if you have
the four tit fortitude to do that and
you’ll see exactly what hell is like and
then you can decide if that’s a place
you’d like to visit or even more
importantly if it’s a light if it’s a
place you’d like to visit and take all
your family and friends because that’s what happened in the 20th century
concepts that you can get we’re gonna be
talking about the laws of the universe
one of the laws is a law polarity
there’d be no inside to the room you’re
in if there wasn’t an outside you
couldn’t have a right side to your body
without her left for a top without a
bottom or a front without a back you
can’t have a bad without a good see the
truth is we make it bad or good Ralph
Waldo trying in tune with the infinite a
great puck he said nothing is good or
bad except our thinking we’ll make it so
well if everything’s both good and bad
and we bring it together what’s right in
the center if everything here is bad
everything here is good what’s in the
center just is everything just is you
choose whether you’re gonna look at the
downside of the upside Michael Beckwith
gave me a marvelous concept he said it
doesn’t matter what happens in your life
doesn’t matter what happens you can’t
control the circumstance but you can
certainly control how you deal with them
he said when anything happens step
number one it is what it is accepted
it’s either gonna control you or you’re
gonna control it that’s your choice step
number two harvest the good isn’t that a
neat word harvest harvest the good
there’s good and bad and everything just
harvest the good step number three
forgive all the rest forgive means like
go up completely it’s a choice and if
you like or the bad the good seems to
grow you and I have a choice it may be a
difficult choice sometimes if you’re
dealing with a particular difficult
individual or a particularly difficult
circumstance nevertheless we’ve got the
power within us to do it so as you go
through the day doesn’t matter what set
anybody says doesn’t matter what happens
you have a choice to say that’s good
w Clement stone became the wealthiest
man in the United States of America by
1970 because he always said that’s good
doesn’t matter what it was he’d say
that’s good and then he’d look for the
good
that’s a good choice for you to make and
make it all day long so your word for
the day is choice choice choice and only
you have the ability to do that and if
you choose right you are going to get
results that stick here’s what I’ve
learned about complaining in order to
complain I have to have a reference
point of something better that I want
that I’m not willing to risk creating
now let me explain that again I have to
have a reference point in my mind of
something I want it’s better than what I
have that I’m not willing to risk
creating so what I do is complain about
it instead see if I was complaining
about my wife it would mean that I would
have to believe that somewhere out there
in the world there’s a better woman than
my wife see if every woman on a planet
died except my wife do you think I go to
work the next day and complain about her
no she’s the only one
and I’d be going hey I got her this is
really cool right do you ever hear
anyone complain about gravity very
rarely you know gravity makes us all
bend over do you ever see an old person
walking down a street going gravity they
have a little Walker
I hate gravity so I’m for gravity I
wouldn’t be all bent over like this
gravity sucks now have you ever heard an
older person doing it no the reason they
don’t complain about gravity is because
there’s no alternative to it you know
gravity just is so if someone’s
complaining about something it means
they know there’s something they can do
about it because we don’t complain about
the things we can’t change
so as soon as you hear yourself
complaining I want you to stop and say
okay what would I rather have remember
Law of Attraction always just focus on
what you want not what you don’t want
because we’re talking about what you
don’t want when you’re complaining and
blaming you’re focusing on that which
you don’t want and you’re accelerating
its expression out into the universe
with those negative feelings and yet
we’ll spend a majority of our time
complaining about so many things and
usually we complain about them to people
who can’t do anything about it what’s
going to fulfill you is differently at
first next you’re not gonna learn that
from anybody else you got to find it
because success without fulfillment is
the ultimate failure and I get those
phone calls all the time for the multi
billionaire entrepreneur or politician
or business person or a person just won
their Academy Award and they’re
depressed and they can’t tell anybody
cuz they got all their goals but they’re
not fulfilled because they really don’t
have that sense of meaning in their life
they went for something and they got it
they achieved and if you doubt this one
I’m saying is relevant to you or us or
anyone just think about about a year and
what a month ago we lost what I consider
be a national treasure robbing wipes how
many of you loved robbing wipes
look around there I’ll keep the ants of
look and most of you didn’t know almost
ever and then where you go in the world
people love Robin Williams by the way
was he great at achievement oh my god
that guy he said he want to make become
a great comedian he did that I want to
make the world laugh
I want to make my own TV show he did I
wanted the number one TV show he did it
I want to make movies he did I want an
Academy Award for not being funny not
his skill set drama and he did it I want
a beautiful family he did it and then he
hung himself make everybody happy but
yourself not a good plan so if I had a
gift to give you it would be maybe make
a different decision and a decision is
that no matter what happens in your life
you’re gonna live in a beautiful state a
beautiful state and that could be happy
that could be grateful that could be
being generous those are all beautiful
States aren’t they it could be curious
it could be fun it could be playful
you’re not limited to one state but it’s
different than suffering and most people
suffering and all suffering I’ve ever
seen I’ve travelled 100 countries I’ve
dealt with presence of countries and you
know presidents of businesses CEOs I’ve
dealt with people in prison I thought
with you name it average people
suffering always comes because you’ve
obsessed about something related to you
you can only be depressed if you’re
focusing on yourself so now I’m
depressed cuz my kids and and they’re
not doing well no you’re depressed cuz
you feel you’ve failed your kids it’s
about you it’s about how you think you
but you should have done or shouldn’t
have done or what someone did to you or
didn’t do to you in the past or the
future which don’t even exist so I have
a simple goal my goal is help people
make a decision that says I don’t know
what’s gonna happen you might get a
divorce even though you don’t think so
you might find a family of your family
with cancer you might have your house
get burned down or have a tornado go by
and if you live in the same place it
happens every two years and you move
back we should talk but some people seem
to do that for some reason you can’t
control those things I can’t control
those things I don’t want those to
happen to you or anybody I love or
anybody who’s even a stranger to me but
they’re going to happen
true not positive thinking both just the
truth so if that’s gonna happen I say
make a decision now that says I’m gonna
live in a beautiful state and I’m gonna
find beauty and whatever Life brings me
cuz life is too short not to and so you
really have to believe the Internet’s
going to be mainstream a lot of people
are gonna get out there and use it and
that they’re going to be will
mean to pay for some content is that the
operating idea that you have well each
of these businesses is an
entrepreneurial business the
overreaching theme is that yes I believe
in the Internet I believe it’ll get
increasingly popular and we’re doing
some neat new things to take advantage
of that you’ve got a lot of cash on hand
yes right all right it puts you in an
into position you can experiment with a
lot of entrepreneurial ideas and see
what sticks and what flies well we’re in
business to make money and but the other
thing is providing such a cash flow for
you well it all belongs to the
shareholders
we’re not dilettante no I mean we are
business people and it is true that if
you find an idea that requires three or
four years of improvement and patience
and really sticking with it
that we’re very good at that take
Windows which we bet our company on
everybody who doubted that would succeed
IBM did not support us in that it took
longer than we expected over four years
before finally graphical interface got
popular and now people take it for
granted it’s part of every personal
computer and you just you just expect it
to be there that was one of the grand
successes of the company in the same way
we’re betting on the internet that our
tools there will be popular and that a
few of these content plays that we’ve
decided to get involved in that the
scale and and the users will make those
into great businesses and something is
considered quote unquote impossible how
do you reframe it so it becomes possible
in your mind
and how much of that is mindset well I
think impossible is not a fact it’s an
opinion when someone tells me it’s
impossible
I always just look at anybody around me
knows that they can’t do this that’s
part of it but if they didn’t know me
it’s your opinion they’ll say no science
shows and I say yeah and how many times
the science shows something’s impossible
now science shows it’s possible things
are impossible till somebody does it and
so I find that you know most of your
business people you look at businesses
and what does it take to make a business
grow it’s not impossible like the
business growth has been shrinking for a
long time or it’s been stuck
the real problem is always the chokehold
as always the psychology and the skills
of the leader always an 80% of that as
psychology and 20% is the mechanics like
if you don’t know how to read your
financials and you’re trying to fly the
plane of your your company I mean come
on you know if all you do is go down and
you look at profit loss and you see what
it is and you have a beer either way you
either celebrating at the brass you know
something you know you’re gonna be in
trouble right but if you have the
skillsets that’s one thing but you can
get any skill set at the other
psychology and anytime a business is not
growing it is not because it’s
impossible it’s because they aren’t
innovating and they’re not innovating
because they’re believing it’s
impossible I mean if we all know what
does it take to transform and obviously
uh people it takes three things to
create a breakthrough and anything and
your personal life in your business
anywhere you need a strategy but that’s
not the first place you should look and
it’s the first place all of us look me
too it’s our inherent thing you want to
lose weight or how do I do it I’m gonna
grow my business how do I do it it’s
it’s instinctively been trained to think
that way but the problem is the how-to
is usually not that complex gonna come
on
70% of America is what 75% of America
now is overweight is that because it’s
so complex how to be fit and strong
right you know only the 1% know the
answer is they hide it from you you have
to work your ass off to not hear what it
takes right and so so you know I never I
went to this I went to a TED med Center
and I watched about 12 doctors won’t
have to know to get up and do these
stories about how we could just get
patients to take their medications and
try to figure out the whole thing and I
was just looking and going you’re all
talking about strategy and you’ve
forgotten psychology because strategy’s
wonderful I’m a strategist and my whole
life figuring out strategy is we both
know a strategy could save you a decade
right and business strategy could save
you you know it could make the
interesting success and failure but most
people have strategies available or they
could get them or you could create and
but the problem is you got a story and
your story is why it isn’t working and
the story is I’ve tried what
but everything if you tried everything
you’d be fit you try everything you’d be
profitable if you tried everything you’d
be there but people say it you know I’m
big-boned that’s what I used to say I’m
still big-boned but I’m 38 pounds
lighter than I was 25 years ago and I’ve
never gained it back right a bar was big
bone that was my story all the good ones
are gone that’s why I’m not in a
relationship or they’re gay and I’m not
or in-game they are whatever the story
is there’s always a story and what I
tell people’s you know if you can just
divorce the story of your limitation and
marry the truth of your unlimited
capacity then the whole game changes
you’ve lived a life dominated by doubt
that’s how you step in the bravery step
take the step step aggressively towards
your fear and that that step towards
your fear is the step into bravery
because we were scared of what we don’t
know and there’s only one way to learn
and to know and that is to confront that
fear you have to step you have to go and
this simple action
this simple attitude it answers so many
questions
my theory here would be if you’re afraid
of fighting and altercations go change
it so if you’re afraid of heights work
on some rock climbing climbing if you’re
afraid of the water it’s time to swim
it’s time to surf is trying to get out
there if you’re afraid of pull-ups if if
you’re afraid of pulps do pull-ups if
you’re in squats do squats if you’re
afraid of public speaking go speak in
public mm-hmm if you’re afraid to start
a business start a business make it
small and on all these what you have to
do is you have to mitigate the risk and
you have to ease yourself into it but
you got to go for it and eventually you
will overcome that fear but the hard
part is you got to take that first step
you got to take that first step to begin
to inoculate yourself against the fear
against the fear of the thing that’s in
your mind because that fear generally is
in your mind yeah you know when you get
up on stage do a public speaking people
are not gonna throw tomatoes at you and
say oh my you’re an idiot get off the
stage no 30 then they’re gonna sit there
you know so there’s nothing to fear yeah
it’s in it’s in your head
g’day I’m schedule and stick to it okay
so what’s the rule with the schedule
it’s not a bloody prison that’s the
first thing that people do wrong is say
well I don’t like to have follow a
schedule it’s like well what kind of
schedule are you setting up well I
should I have to do this then I have to
do this then I have to do this you know
and then I just go play video games
because who wants to do all these things
that I have to do
it’s like wrong set the damn schedule up
so that you have the day you want that’s
the trick it’s like okay I’ve got
tomorrow if I was gonna set it up so it
was the best possible day I could have
practically speaking what would it look
like well then you schedule that and
obviously there’s a bit of
responsibility that’s gonna go along
with that because if you have any sense
one of the things that you’re gonna
insist upon is that at the end of the
day you’re not in worse shape than you
were then then at the beginning of the
day right that’s a stupid day if you
have a bunch of those in a row you just
dig you know you dig yourself a hole and
then you bury yourself in it’s like
sorry that’s just not a good strategy
it’s a bad strategy
so maybe 20% of your day has to be
responsibility and obligation or maybe
it’s more than that depending on how far
behind you are but even that you can you
can ask yourself okay well I’ve got
these responsibilities I have to
schedule the damn things in what’s the
right ratio of responsibility to reward
and you can ask yourself that just like
you’d negotiate with someone who is
working for you it’s like okay you gotta
work tomorrow okay so I want you to work
tomorrow and you might say okay well
what are you gonna do for me that makes
it likely that I’ll work for you well
you could ask yourself that you know
maybe you do an hour of responsibility
and then you play a video game for 15
minutes I don’t know whatever turns your
crank man but you know you have to
negotiate with yourself and not
tyrannize yourself like you’re
negotiating with someone that you care
for that you would like to be productive
and have a good life and and that’s how
you make the schedule it’s like and then
you look at the day and you think well
if I had that day that’d be good great
you know and you you’re useless and
horrible so you’ll probably only hit it
with about 70 percent accuracy but that
beats the hell out of zero right and if
you hit it even with 50 percent accuracy
another rule is well aim for 51 percent
next week or 50 and a half percent for
God’s sake or because you’re gonna hit
that position where things start to loop
back positively and spiral you upward
don’t know what success is all about and
since they don’t know what it’s about
they really don’t know where to look for
it success is really nothing more than
the progressive realisation of a worthy
ideal this means that any person who
knows what he’s doing and where he’s
going is a success any person with a
goal toward which he’s working is a
successful person this means that the
boy and in high school who’s working
toward a diploma as a boy in college
toward a degree is just for successful
as any human being on it because he
knows what he’s doing why he’s getting
up in the morning and where he’s going
but conversely if a person doesn’t know
what he’s working toward what it is he
wants doesn’t ever go toward which he’s
working then he must at least by this
definition be called unsuccessful
why isn’t then with his simple
definition why isn’t everyone successful
should be easy yet surveys indicate that
19 out of 20 95% at least are not in
fact a survey one time as thousands of
working men why they got up in the
morning and went to work and 19 out of
20 didn’t know 19 out of 20 working
people didn’t have a fungus notion of
why they got up in the morning and went
to work under closer questioning they
said well everybody works well that
would be a good reason to quit in fact
there’s a little rule of thumb you might
want to remember whatever the great
majority is doing under any given
circumstance if you do exactly the
opposite you’ll probably never make
another mistake as long as you live just
something to keep in the back of your
mind
problem with most people is that they’re
playing the world’s most unrewarding
game and the name of the game is follow
the follower there’s a story about a
small town in which there was a jewelry
store like all jewelry stores most
jewelry stores at least he had a big
clock in his window and every morning
for years he’d noticed a working man
stop adjust his pocket watch at the same
time as a clock in the window he’d been
doing this for many years one morning
the jeweler was out in front sweeping
the sidewalk and so yes the man he said
tell me why do you just you know watch
to my big clock every morning I’ve
noticed you’re doing that for years
and that’s where I’m the foreman down at
the big plant he said I want to make
sure my watch is correct because I blow
the quitting whistle every night at five
o’clock that you would have looked at
mother strangely from a Mesa well that’s
funny thing I’ve been setting that big
clock in the window by that quitting
whistle all these years a very logical
thing but they could have been off six
months it was a case of a person just
going along with what he thought to be
correct without checking his references
so I want to suggest it now on out at
least we do that that we check our
references and ask ourselves are the
people I’m following knowing what I want
to go next thing is that you’ve got to
activate the thinker in you don’t allow
your emotions to control you we are
emotional but who you want to begin to
discipline your emotion if you don’t
discipline and contain your emotions
they will use you your mind goes on
automatic just like a guard you know I
loved reading the book call as a man
thinketh by James Allen he uses the
analogy of the mind being like a garden
you know weeds don’t have to have any
encouragement to grow you don’t have to
water them they don’t have to get
sunshine they don’t have to have fertile
ground they will grow through the cracks
of a sidewalk am i right
but if you want to grow orchids or roses
or any kind of exotic flowers there are
special processes and procedures you
must go through we’re by the same token
you don’t have to force yourself or
motivate yourself to think negatively to
be depressed to hate somebody to want
revenge you want to get back at somebody
to beat yourself up over the head to
feel loaded with guilt you don’t have to
make any effort to do that your mind is
on automatic it will do that by itself
but if you want to begin to move into
your own personal greatness if you want
to begin to really enjoy a happy
successful healthy life you’ve got to be
willing to go against the tide you’ve
got to be willing to harness your will
and say in spite of this I’m in control
here I’m not gonna let this get me down
I’m not gonna let this destroy me I’m
coming back and I’ll be stronger and
better because of it you have got to
make a declaration that this is what you
stand for you’re standing up for your
dreams you’re standing up for peace of
mind you’re standing up for health you
want it and you’re gonna go all out to
have it it’s not going to be easy when
you want to change it’s not easy if it
were in fact easy everybody to do it but
[Music]
attitude has been called the most
important word in any language in the
world because it’s our attitude toward
our world toward all the people in it
that will determine the world’s attitude
and all the people’s attitude toward us
it’s a simple thing most of us won’t but
we tend to forget it people will react
to us according to our attitude and our
attitude is the greatest gift we can be
given you know the little creatures of
the world were given a wonderful gift by
mother nature called protective coloring
in which they can blend into the
background without being seen but man
was not given this great gift because
man was given an incalculably greater
one only man has the godlike power to
make his surroundings change to fit him
because his environment will change as
he changes the man’s environment is a
merciless mirror of him as a human being
and if he thinks his environment could
stand a little improvement all he has to
do is improve and this environment will
improve to reflect the changing man
another key in building this winning
edge is folks you got to stand for
something people in America the good
people in America are fed up with here
with these dadgum fence sitters and
melee miles
corporate America has an especially
black eye in business today most people
America think you can’t find a company
they think you can’t find a salesperson
that’ll tell you like it is and stand
behind the word they think these
companies will sell anything say
anything just to make a sale just to
make a profit well you know what folks
if you want to win in the free
enterprise system in America today you
got to stand for something set up some
aims for yourself goals that you
actually value and the future authoring
program helps people do that and
basically it does a situational analysis
of it helps you do a situational
analysis of your life more than a
psychological analysis I would say and
so the questions are something like well
alright you’re gonna have to put some
effort into your life and you need to be
motivated to do that and so what are the
potential sources of motivation well you
could think about them in in the big
five
Manor you know if you’re extroverted you
want friends if you’re agreeable you
want an intimate relationship if you’re
a disagreeable you want to win
competitions if you’re open you want to
engage in creative activity if you’re
high in eroticism you want security okay
so those are all sources of potential
motivation that you could draw on that
you could tailor to your own you know
your own personality but then there are
dimensions that you want to consider
your life across and so we ask people
about well you know if you could have
your life the way you wanted it in three
to five years if you were taking care of
yourself properly you know what would
you want from your friendships what
would you want from your intimate
relationship how would you like to
structure your family what do you want
for your career well how are you going
to use your time outside of your job and
how are you going to regulate your
mental physical mental and physical
health and maybe also your drug and
alcohol use because that’s that’s a good
place to auger down you know because
alcoholism for example wipes out you
know five to ten percent of people so
you want to keep that under control and
then and then so baby you know you you
you develop a vision of what your life
what you would like your life to be and
that associates the so the goal well
once the goal is established and then
you break down the goal into micro
processes that you could implement the
micro process has become rewarding in
proportion in relation to their causal
association with the goal and that
tangles in your your incentive reward
system you know we talked about the
dopaminergic incentive reward system and
that’s the thing that keeps you moving
forward and the way it works is that it
works better if it produces positive
emotion win it can see you moving
towards a valued goal okay well what’s
the implication of that better have a
valued goal because otherwise you can’t
get any positive motivation working out
and so the more valuable the goal in
principle the more the micro process is
associated with that goal start to take
on a positive charge and so what that
means is well you get up in the morning
and you’re excited about the day you’re
ready to go and so as far as I can tell
what you do is you specify your long
term ideal maybe you also specify a
place you want to stay the hell away
from so that you’re terrified to fail as
well as excited about succeeding because
that’s also useful you specify your goal
you
do that you do that in some sense as a
unique individual you want you want to
specify goals that make you say oh if
that could happen as a consequence of my
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
because the question always is why do
something because doing nothing is easy
you just sit there and you don’t do
anything that’s real easy the question
is why would you ever do anything and
the answer that has to be because you’ve
determined by some means that it’s
worthwhile and then the next question
might be well where should you look for
worthwhile things and one would be well
you could consult your own temperament
and the other would be well you kind of
look at how look at what it is that
people accrue that’s valuable across the
lifespan look look what so you do a
structural analysis of the sub
components of human existence and
already did that you need a family you
need friends like you don’t need to have
all these things but you better have
most of them family friends career
educational goals plans for you know
time outside of work attention to your
mental and physical health etc you know
those are that’s what life is about and
if you don’t have any of those things
well then all you’ve got left is misery
and suffering so that’s that’s a bad
that’s a bad deal for you so so once you
but once you set up that that goal
structure let’s say and that’s really in
many in many ways that’s what you should
be doing at universities is that’s
exactly what you should be doing is
trying to figure out who it is that
you’re trying to be right and you aim at
that and then use everything you learned
as a means of building that person that
you want to be and and I really mean
want to be I don’t mean should be even
those things those things are going to
overlap and it’s important to
distinguish between those because that’s
partly and this is back down to the
micro routine analysis so as I saying
while you’re gonna try to make yourself
more industrious okay number one specify
your damn goals because how are you
gonna hit something if you don’t know
what it is that isn’t going to happen
and often people won’t specify their
goals too because they don’t like to
specify conditions for failure so if you
keep yourself all vague and foggy which
is real easy because that’s just a
matter of not doing as well then you
don’t know when you fail and people
might say well I really don’t want to
know when I fail because that’s painful
it so I’ll keep my
self blind about when I fail that’s fine
except you’ll fail all the time then you
just won’t know it until you’ve failed
so badly that you’re done and that can
easily happen by the time you’re 40 so
so I would recommend that you don’t let
that happen
so that’s willful blindness right you
could have known but you chose not to
okay so once you get your goal structure
set up you think okay if I could have
this life it looks like that might be
worth living despite the fact that it’s
going to be you know anxiety provoking
and threatening and there’s gonna be
some suffering and loss involved in all
of that obviously the goal is to to have
a vision for your life such that all
things considered that justifies your
effort so what are the trade-offs that
you would consider like you know we work
our asses off we do a lot of stuff but
this is what we had to sacrifice in
order to do it if you think it that way
I think if you think of it as a
sacrifice
then you’re gonna build frustration and
resentment
I really don’t if you think it’s a
question shouldn’t do it I think the
challenge is that most people have this
illusion about life work balance that’s
you know if you’re gonna accomplish it
it’s what people are laughing is you
know it’s bull right what’s true is life
work integration so I was just in twenty
one country or seven country twenty-one
days but who’s with me is my family
who’s with me as my friends and I’ve
done well enough to have a plane and
that rooms and all that kind of cool
stuff makes it but when I didn’t we
still we puffed it together and
beginning days it was coach and dragging
ourselves around but I thought it was
great for my kids to have schooling but
I thought an education was more valuable
and traveling the earth was a part of
that but you know we’re in the middle of
this crazy schedule but we’re it’s not
work it’s a mission when it’s work it’s
that I always ask people I said how
would you describe what you do and
people I say because at work it’s a
couriers admission and most people of
course say it’s work and that’s exactly
what does this heavy if it’s you know if
it’s your career it gives you something
more but your mission it doesn’t wear
you out it brings energy to you it’s
fulfilling and if you can tie your
mission in with the people that you love
it’s pretty cool you know there some
people assume they’re my friends I see
Dean here in front row here and it’s
like we’re all on this mission and we
find time to connect and be with each
other and have a blast with each other
but we’re sharing about things that
matter
not a person to go to a party and like
you know go on the corner and chitchat
it’s like you want to talk about
something deep let’s rock you don’t let
me go home and be with my family you
know let me go do something fun with us
some of that nature if you can combine
your mission with your family combine
your mission with some of your friends
then you’re gonna accomplish a million
times more but if you think it’s a
sacrifice don’t do it because then all
you’re doing is you’re gonna have
resentment later on or frustration later
on and and then you really aren’t
contributing because it’s your you’re
trading off you’re not giving you don’t
have to necessarily have done anything
wrong for things to get completely out
of control it’s a terrifying doctrine
but it’s not a hopeless doctrine because
it still says that there’s a way forward
there’s a pathway forward and the
pathway forward is to adopt a mode of
being that has some nobility so that you
can tolerate yourself and perhaps even
have some respect for yourself as
someone who’s capable of standing up in
the face of that terrible vulnerability
and suffering and that the pathway
forward as far as the existentialists
are concerned is by well certainly by
the avoidance of deceit particularly in
language but also by the adoption of
responsibility for the conditions of
existence and some attempt on your part
to actually rectify them and the thing
that’s so interesting about that is
their well – as far as I’m concerned and
some of this is from clinical experience
you know if you take people and I’ve
told you this and you expose them
voluntarily to things that they are
avoiding and are afraid of you know that
they know they need to overcome in order
to meet their goals their self defined
goals if you can teach people to stand
up in the face of the things they’re
afraid of they get stronger and you
don’t know what the upper limits to that
are because you might ask yourself like
if for ten years if you didn’t avoid
doing what you knew you needed to do by
the depth by your own definitions right
within the value structure that you’ve
created to the degree that you’ve done
that what would you be like well you
know there are remarkable people who
come into the world from time to time
and there are people who do find out
over decades long periods what they
could be like if they were who they were
if they said if they spoke their being
forward and they baguette
longer and stronger and stronger and we
don’t know the limits to that we do not
know the limits to that and so you could
say well in part perhaps the reason that
you’re suffering unbearably can be left
at your feet because you’re not
everything you could be and you know it
and of course that’s a terrible thing to
admit and it’s a terrible thing to
consider but there’s real promise in it
right because it means that perhaps
there’s another way that you could look
at the world in a number another way
that you could act in the world so what
it would reflect back to you would be
much better than what it reflects back
to you now my experience is with people
that were probably running at about 51
percent of our capacity something mean
you can think about this yourselves I
often ask undergraduates how many hours
a day you waste or how many hours a week
you waste and the classic answer is
something like 4 to 6 hours a day
you know inefficient studying watching
things on YouTube that not only do you
not want to watch that you don’t even
care about that make you feel horrible
about watching after you’re done that’s
probably 4 hours right there know what
do you think well that’s 2025 hours a
week it’s a hundred hours a month that’s
two and a half full work weeks it’s half
a year of work weeks per year and if
your time is worth twenty dollars an
hour which is a radical under estimate
it’s probably more like 50 if you think
about it in terms of deferred wages if
you’re wasting 20 hours a week
you’re wasting fifty thousand dollars a
year and you are doing that right now
and it’s because you’re young wasting
fifty thousand dollars a year is a way
bigger catastrophe than it would be for
me to waste it because I’m not going to
last nearly as long and so if your life
isn’t everything it could be you could
ask yourself well what would happen if
you just stopped wasting the
opportunities that are in front of you
you be who knows how much more efficient
ten times more efficient 20 times more
efficient that’s the purrito
distribution you have no idea how
efficient efficient people get it’s
completely off it’s off the charts well
and if we all got our act together
collectively and stop making things
worse because that’s another thing
people do all the time not only do they
not do what they should to make things
better they actively attempt to make
things worse because they’re spiteful or
resentful or arrogant or
seat four or homicidal or genocide alors
all of those things all bundled together
in an absolutely pathological package if
people stop really really trying just to
make things worse we have no idea how
much better they would get just because
of that so there’s this weird dynamic
that’s part of the existential system of
ideas between human vulnerability social
judgement both of which are our major
causes of suffering and the failure of
individuals to adopt the responsibility
that they know they should adopt it
isn’t merely that your fate depends on
whether or not you get your act together
and to what degree you decide that
you’re going to live out your own
genuine being it isn’t only your fate
it’s the fate of everyone that you’re
networked with and so you know you think
well there’s nine billion seven billion
people in the world we’re going to peak
at about nine billion by the way and
then it’ll decline rapidly but seven
billion people in the world and who are
you you’re just one little dust mote
among that seven billion and so it
really doesn’t matter what you do or
don’t do but that’s simply not the case
it’s the wrong model because you’re at
the center of a network you’re a node in
a network of course that’s even more
true now that we have social media
you’ll you know you’ll know a thousand
people at least over the course of your
life and they’ll know a thousand people
each and that puts you one person away
from a million and two persons away from
a billion and so that’s how you’re
connected and the things you do they’re
like dropping a stone in a pond the
ripples move outward and they affect
things in ways that you can’t fully
comprehend and it means that the things
that you do and that you don’t do are
far more important than you think and so
if you act that way of course the terror
of realizing that is that it actually
starts to matter what you do and you
might say well that’s better than living
a meaningless existence it’s better for
it to matter but I mean if you really
ask yourself would you be so sure if you
had the choice I can live with no
responsibility whatsoever the price I
pay is that nothing matters or I can
reverse it and everything matters but I
have to take the responsibility that’s
associated with that it’s not so obvious
to me that people would take the
full path now when you say well
denialists suffered dreadfully because
there’s no meaning in their life and
they still suffer yeah but the
advantages they have no responsibility
so that’s the payoff and I actually
think that’s the motivation say well I
can’t help being nihilistic all my
belief systems have collapsed it’s like
yeah maybe maybe you’ve just allowed
them to collapse because it’s a hell of
a lot easier than acting them out and
the price you pay is some meaningless
suffering but you can always whine about
that and people will feel sorry for you
and you have the option of taking the
pathway of the martyr so that’s a pretty
good deal all things considered
especially when the are when the
alternative is to bear your burden
properly and to live forthrightly in the
world well what Solzhenitsyn figured out
and so many people in the 20th century
it’s not just him even though he’s the
best example is that if you live a
pathological life you pathologize your
society and if enough people do that
then it’s hell really really and you can
read the Gulag Archipelago if you have
the four tit fortitude to do that and
you’ll see exactly what hell is like and
then you can decide if that’s a place
you’d like to visit or even more
importantly if it’s a light if it’s a
place you’d like to visit and take all
your family and friends because that’s what happened in the 20th century
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