after nine is assumed that the person
you are listening to might know
something you don’t this is a chapter
about conversation and about the
different forms conversation takes and
so chapter about humility and it’s a
chapter about listening and humility
element is it took me a long time to
understand why there’s religious
injunctions supporting humility even
understand what the word really meant
and that sort of technical sense and it
means something like this it means what
you don’t know is more important than
what you know and that’s a lovely thing
too then then what you don’t know can
start to be your friend you see people
are very defensive about what they know
and for the reasons we’ve already
discussed but the thing is you don’t
know enough and the Riu can tell you
don’t know enough because your life is
not what it could be and neither is the
life of the people around you you just
don’t know enough and so what that means
is that every time you encounter some
evidence that you’re ignorant someone
points it out you should be happy about
that because you think oh you just told
me how I’m wrong it’s like great like
maybe I had to sift through a lot of
nonsense to get through the real message
that you’re telling me but if you could
actually tell me some way that I’m wrong
and then maybe give me a hint about how
to not be wrong like that well then I
wouldn’t have to be wrong like that
anymore that that would be a good thing
and you can you can you can embark on
that adventure by listening to people
and if you listen to people they will
tell you they’ll tell you amazing things
if you listen to them and many of those
things are little tools that you can put
in your toolkit like Batman and then you
can go out into the world and use those
tools and you don’t have to fall blindly
into a pit quite as often and so the
humility element is well do you want to
be right or do you want to be learning
and it’s deeper than that it’s do you
want to be that the tyrannical king
who’s already got everything figured out
or do you want to be the continually
transforming hero or fool for that
matter who’s getting better all the time
and that’s actually a choice you know
it’s a deep choice and it’s better to be
the self transforming fool who’s
humble enough to make friends with what
he or she doesn’t know and to listen
when people
talk and listening is a transformative
exercise like if if you listen to the
people in your life for example if you
actually listen to them they’ll tell you
what’s wrong with them and how to fix it
and what they want they can’t even help
it if you start listening because people
are so shocked if you actually listen to
them that they tell you also those sorts
of things that they might not have even
intended to things they don’t even know
and then you can you can work with that
learning disability with your dad
beating you screaming at you emotionally
challenging your mind with the racism
you dealt with with the different
struggles you felt with bullies what was
the Chun the hardest obstacle to
overcome
from up until about 15 16 the hardest
obstacle was myself I started realizing
more and more and more that all these
people were gone what was haunting me
was me I can’t control my dad
I can’t control all these things but
they were things that kept me down
it started become my reality my reality
was what they made out to be and I
became the most important conversation
you’ll ever have with your life you know
in your life is when you have yourself
mm-hmm and my conversation was
absolutely horrifying what were you
saying to yourself I’m dumb I’m nobody
my dad I mean my dad was great in mental
warfare a drunk insecure man hmm
we’ll make everybody around him feel
like hell yeah because he wants to give
you no power and that’s why he was so
mean and my mom and myself and my
brother because he didn’t want anybody
to get above him mm-hmm
you want to keep you down low so when
you’re growing up with all this stuff
all this hate and it wasn’t the beatings
I kept the beatings all day it was a
mental torture so when at a young age
your your parents put a dialog in you of
confidence or your nobody mm-hmm so that
voice in my head was I’m a loser and
then it was confirmed when I got in
school and in third grade I was falling
behind they want to put me in a special
school yeah you know with kids who can’t
learn then was confirmed look you know
what my dad was saying so that confirmed
it then I started cheating so I realize
you know what I’m taking the easy way
out again you know it starts no bomb so
what happens is you start to get this
picture that everybody hates you because
your reality becomes so so big that you
know you can’t see the clear picture it
might have been three or four I see
doing it over and over but it was the
whole town yeah everybody hated me
so start world hates me that’s right
yeah and that’s when they that’s what
became toxic and that is where I became
have this kind of mess this quandary
that were in right now so how do we make
those little bridging steps make I think
we attain it within ourselves initially
and we communicate these ideas on a
personal level of spirituality I can get
as you’ve just heard I can be very
verbose and a loquacious on the topic
but really it just means being nice it
ain’t hard just be nice you meet a
homeless person be nice you get into a
cab be nice to the person don’t see
yourself as adversarial then the
revolution is always already occurred
people will fear Armageddon don’t make
people fear the apocalypse don’t know
but for some Armageddon has already
occurred the homeless people that walk
our streets live already in a
post-apocalyptic world Armageddon will
surely come for each of us our own
personal Armageddon when each of us die
isn’t it redundant whether everyone
simultaneously dies if each of us will
individually die regardless Armageddon
is coming so whilst these cataclysmic
principles apply although on the
individual level people who think we
might be able to extend the human
lifespan through biotechnology but what
I’m saying is is that what we have to do
is individually reach and light our own
personal alignment we have to do the
principles are all there you know this
the principles are already there we
achieve detachment through meditation we
no longer then then we are know once we
live once we can achieve enlightenment
and as once we put our satisfaction
beyond that our individual needs we are
no longer malleable by the pre-existing
system the system requires us to be a
selfish little consumerist pods once we
go on I mean that bothered about that
it’s easy for me except being famous now
I know that’s boring I’ve been rich now
I know that’s boring loads of people now
I know that’s boring took loads of drugs
now no that’s boring
so all this lift its spiritual
enlightenment you’re doing a great job
of modeling courage in the face of farm
well there’s something I’d like to say
maybe in closing about courage people
say that to me and you know I don’t
think it’s exactly right doesn’t there’s
a line in the Old Testament the fear of
God is the beginning of wisdom and I
think it’s more like that it’s not that
I’m courageous it’s that I’m afraid of
the right things so when I made my
videos it wasn’t like that didn’t make
me nervous but I was less nervous about
going back to bed and not saying what I
had to say that I was about making the
videos because I know where this is
going
I don’t want to go there and so it’s
it’s not so much courage it’s that it’s
a matter of I it’s it’s it’s less risky
to say something than to remain silent
when you know there’s something to be
said I know that to be the case and so
lots of times in life it’s like there’s
no pathway forward that’s going to
shield you from risk you get to pick
this risk or you get to pick this risk
and I think I picked the lesser risk and
that might be wise but I’m not so sure
it’s courageous the greatest lesson your
mom taught you growing up honestly the
greatest lesson she had taught me is the
lesson that she did she doesn’t know how
much she taught me because she wasn’t
much in a teaching mode my dad took her
soul but what I did as a young kid is I
observed
everybody I wasn’t really smart in the
books yeah boss real smart when it came
to life yeah and I was able to sit back
and watch her mistakes I was able to see
how she struggled through life and how I
don’t want to struggle through life and
I was able to see she never picked me up
the biggest thing she did for me and
this is honest-to-god truth and she
doesn’t even know she did it without I
bust my ass but I would fail you know
when I was at the bottom of the sewer
she never picked me up she never gave me
that cookie and said hey son you know
just go eat okay so there she didn’t
have time for that
and sometimes she gets upset when I talk
about my past because if it paints her
out to be not the best mom if I had any
kind of mom in that kind of environment
I would have never made mm-hmm because
she forced me for ever reason she forced
me did you better figure this out are
you gonna be a statistic mom and this is
something she didn’t sit down and tell
me I realized this this is the world
that is in front of me and what most
people do is they see this world and
they look at it as an excuse to get out
of it you know I started looking at it
as this is the ultimate training ground
for the rest of my life
I have all these valuable lessons
because if you look out in the world
right now today it’s not a nice place
I’m very prepared for it yeah you are
I’ve been prepared for it I’m prepared
for all the failure coming my way I’m
prepared for everything my way and
that’s the biggest lesson that she
taught me by not teaching me mmm by
never saying it’s gonna be okay matter
of fact she told me exact opposite have
you ever heard a motivational speaker
tell you that attitude is everything
I’ll bet you have I’ve heard many say
that in fact they’ll say something like
if you can believe it you can achieve it
and that never quite rang true with me
so I began to press the issue and I have
come the conclusion that attitude isn’t
everything
now I’m not disclaiming or in any way
being disparaging about attitude because
I think attitude is very important but
if anybody comes up to you tells you
that attitude is everything I don’t buy
into that that’s not true for example
attitude can’t replace in confidence
if you’re incompetent you can be very
happy but you can still be very
unsuccessful
now here’s what I do know attitude isn’t
everything but attitude is the main
thing that’ll make a difference in your
life
because I believe that I wrote the book
the difference-maker
you see that’s what attitude is attitude
is the difference maker you have two
people side by side that you’re thinking
about employing in your company both of
them have the same background same job
description education experience I mean
you could almost flip a coin in second
hire the wet one on the writer I could
hire the one on the left but one has a
great attitude and one has a bad
attitude now who you gonna hire
you’re gonna hire the person with a
great attitude why because it was the
Oh many smart fantastic ambitious
idealistic hard-working kids and they’re
right out of college they’re in their
entry-level jobs and I’ll ask them how
is it going and they’ll say I think I’m
gonna quit and I’m like why they say to
me I’m not making an impact I’m like you
they treat the sense of fulfillment or
even love like it’s a scavenger hunt
like it’s something you look for my
millennial friends they’ve gone through
so many jobs they’re either getting
fired I mean it was mutual or they’re
quitting because they’re not making an
impact or they’re not finding anything
they’re looking for they’re not feeling
fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger hunt
love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is the sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation is standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
are journeys the problem is this entire
generation has an institutionalized
sense of impatience and do they have the
patience to go on the journey to
maintain love to feel fulfilled or do
they just quit and on to the next dump
and on to the next ghost and on to that
but a really interesting thing the other
day about I don’t know who this yogi was
you might be able to work out from there
from the anecdote Bertrand Russell the
intellectual and early CND campaign for
nuclear disarmament pioneer was like
fools the enemies like I think I will
committed to that whole CND deal and
they were visited by a yogi who said to
him look you know what does it matter if
we get rid of nuclear weapons we are
still the consciousness that created
nuclear weapons it will find some other
outlet what we need to address is the
inner space this intention this
attention the desire to create that kind
of technology as long as we have that
where we won’t we won’t resolve the
issue the nuclear weapon is a symbol an
emblem an expression of that phenomena
of that frequency so we should address
that and Bertrand Russell said below
there’s just googly-eyed is really
significant issue got time again the or
mystical bloody Vedic approach to it
this get rid of the weapons and I think
it’s possible to agree with both men in
that instance and like that all that you
know the people that criticize me people
that adore me they’re responding really
to themselves they’re responding to
their own consciousness they’re
responding to their own reality and so I
try to now I know what my intention is I
know where my attention is and and that
is what defines my life I try not to be
to allow my experience of reality to be
too diluted by other people’s input I
mean I love the approval and I’m not so
keen on the condemnation but like also I
look a lot at the source I look a lot
where it comes from and like you know I
don’t mind FoxNews hating me I’m okay
with that I’m okay with that
you know that I can’t change who I am
how do self awareness self assessment
and self-improvement begin and how do
they continue over time try to imagine
the way other people see you and what
other people are thinking of you and one
place where this happens and it
definitely happened to me is when I
started getting put in charge of things
I started thinking about other people’s
perspectives what what do they see if
you’re in charge then what are your
subordinates see you do what are your
subordinates here you say what kind of
representation are they receiving in if
you work for someone else it’s the same
questions what does the boss see me do
what does the boss hear me say what kind
of representation am i making of myself
to my boss and then you start thinking
about what are your friends and family
think what do they see what do they hear
and so the question becomes how well do
you represent yourself what shortfalls
do you have now when you first start
looking it’s like you’re looking at an
overgrown lawn there are some big
obvious problems so you do a broad just
kind of general cut of the grass you fix
some of the big easy problems that are
obvious or once you’ve done that you’ve
gotten rid of some of those big obvious
problems you notice some more detailed
problems so then you handle them and
once you’ve got those handled you see
even smaller and more detail the issues
and that’s what you do with yourself you
continually detach and then you look and
then you refine and then you detach and
then you look and then you refine and
then you detach and you look and then
you refine that’s what you do that’s how
you get better and that process doesn’t
stop it can’t stop because if you stop
refining then and then the weeds grow
back and the next thing you know you
can’t see yourself anymore
and you can’t see yourself anymore when
you stop looking at you yourself then
and that’s wrong don’t accept the faults
don’t give yourself the benefit of the
doubt you’ve got to be your own harshest
critic and hold the line say this to
people all the time
most important here is it isn’t me it’s
you and sure you may have grabbed some
little foothold from the podcast or from
one of the books but it isn’t me that
changes you it’s you you set the small
goals you achieve those goals then set
some more and achieve those and set some
more goals maybe a little bit bigger but
not that much bigger just start to start
small start with changing tomorrow
morning just tomorrow morning get that
squared away and then move on to the
next day and the next and move your life
to a better place one little step one
and I remember asking my dad to I want a
new basketball shoes because I was a
basketball junkie back then he’s like
well your shoes work if you wanted new
pair tennis shoes you have to go out
there and get a job and I’m like Dan I’m
12 years old and it just so happens he
was playing poker with his buddies and
one of his buddies just like well I got
a job for you you I’ve got these garbage
bags that we distribute you could sell
the door-to-door I’m like okay and it
was when I was selling them and realized
that I’d like to sell and that I could
sell and that I recognized that selling
was it was about providing the service
and creating value for people that I
knew that I would literally back then I
knew that I could always succeed I mean
I remember I was 16 I think when I
started a stamp company and started
going to stamp shows and trade shows and
just working a little bit harder than
other people and in trading up from one
stamp to the next I remember one time I
started with a quarter and bought a
stamp and left with $50 thinking hey if
I could do this I could do anything and
and it’s not that everything worked I
failed a lot but I never ever felt like
I I wouldn’t be able to work hard enough
find a situation where you can be in the
room with masters of a craft and that
could just be deal making it could be
joining a small company say a fewer than
50 people where you simply get to
observe one of the principles
negotiating in an industry that you
don’t even care anything about right
could be waste management and you want
to go into high tech but if you sit in a
room with someone who’s an absolute pro
at crafting deals negotiating getting
past know those skills and maybe those
relationships start to snowball all
right and this is what scott adams the
creator and Dilbert would call systems
thinking’s instead of being wedded to
the outcome of a given job you are
accumulating skills and relationships
that transcend that job okay and if you
choose your environments well because as
I’ve said before and as people like Drew
the CEO of Dropbox as a friend have said
you’re the average of the five people
you associate with most right so if you
take just a few years have the patience
a few years to really develop core
competencies that allow you to craft
your own reality and life negotiation
deal-making getting past know etc
learning how to pitch how to get
someone’s attention in 30 seconds so
that you can then create the desire and
ultimately ask for some type of action
once you develop those then you can
really just create the map for the next
decade in the next several decades so
that would be it it would be learned
before you earn and it’s never too late
to do that so I don’t care if you’re
coming out of college coming out of high
school
30 40 whatever it is systems thinking
focus on the skills and relationships
first and then you can just create a
blank check for how much money you want
all of us beggars and scroungers down at
the front gate decided that if if we
didn’t sort of band together we wouldn’t
survive and that if one could make it
that one would help all the others make
it and we would continue to help each
other so we banded together I mean
that’s that’s how cavemen figured it out
any society starts that way any society
begins by realizing them together by
helping each other you can survive
better than if you fight each other and
compete with each other if I got a job I
would help somebody else get a job if
somebody got more successful in me it
was partly my success I was and my
success wasn’t based on how I could push
down everybody that was around me my
success was based on how much I could
push everybody up and eventually their
success was the same way and in the
process they pushed me up and I pushed
them up and we kept doing that and we
still do that and even though we all
have in essence competing companies we
see it as if everybody succeeds my
friend succeeds that everybody succeeds
so that that and that’s the key to it is
to have everybody succeed not to gloat
over somebody else’s failure one of the
basic motifs of fairy tales is that you
find the poor unfortunate along the side
of the road and when they beg for help
if you give it to them you end up
succeeding if you don’t give it to them
you end up being turned into a frog or
something so it’s something that’s been
around for thousands of years a concept
that’s been around for thousands of
years
and it is even more necessary today when
people are much more into their own in
grand iseman than they are in helping
other people I mean the one thing about
you here at the academy here is
constantly about public service about
helping others I don’t think is anybody
who’s become successful that doesn’t
understand how important it is to be
part of the larger community to help
other people and larger community to
give back to the community and it’s not
something you do you start doing when
you’ve made it now I’m on the top I can
sort
enhance my joy and self-esteem by
helping the poor underlings it’s when
you are at the very lowest level and
you’re struggling when we were in film
school we were all very very poor we
were all very very struggling we all
need jobs very desperately and if one of
us couldn’t get a particular job we’d
send another friend in on the interview
because we were hoping that one of us
would get the job and so you’d do it
right from the very beginning you can
start every single day you know whether
it’s helping your brother or sister or
helping your peers at school or helping
in the community but it’s not just it’s
not just a kind of public service thing
it’s a way of life if America is the
pursuit of happiness the best way to
pursue happiness is to help other people
because there’s nothing else that will
make you happy you can be as rich and
famous and powerful as you want to be
I appreciate any input or advice you
have on how to record and track
objectives in a functional in a reliable
manner as I’m subjected to a lot of
information each day week month
I’m definitely overloaded to remember it
myself
discipline equals freedom so yeah a few
things first
first of all definitely write the things
down in one place and it sounds like
since you’re moving all the time or
you’re doing a meetings carry out just a
nice little notebook with you and write
the things down as you get tasked with
them then on top of that you have to
have a master list of some kind either
paper or digital I’m gonna probably
recommend digital to track things
overall in a prioritized method so if
you get tasks something in a meeting in
your little notebook you come back you
put it in the right place in the master
task list and then like twice a day to
consolidate the information that’s in
the little notebook you have into the
big master list and then before you go
to bed at night you organize those
things by priority on the master list
you put the most important thing at the
top and that’s what you’re going to
attack the next day that’s part one on
how you get these things organized now
the part two is you’ve got to schedule
this stuff and actually I always say
this when people have trouble with tasks
put them on the calendar to you know
actually Jamie does that for me
when Jamie’s got something for me to do
she just doesn’t email me and say hey
you need to do this she puts it on the
calendar so I look at my calendar boom
there it is I gotta go do this whatever
this task is done so put these things on
your calendar and that includes
scheduling time on your calendar so that
you can have time to consolidate your
list and do a review of your lists you
know whether that takes that probably
take 15 minutes to do and I guess
there’s a bunch of apps you can use and
I’m sure people will make
recommendations but there’s a ton of
to-do list apps including there’s one
there’s native ones on all the different
phones so you could look at that as it
possible a voice recorder mmm you can
either use the voice recorder app you
have or you can carry around a little
mini voice recorder then you can just
take notes with that and then you can
solid ate those notes from your from
your voice recorder into your master
define risk you know this is an
important question because I realized
that a lot of the knots we tie ourselves
into and the a lot of the anxiety that
we feel is actually due to using words
that are not defined very well like
success I just want to be successful
well you better have a very clear
definition on what that is if it’s gonna
be one of your mind and your main
obsessions young lady or young man yeah
happiness yeah that’s a slippery one too
and risk is another one risk to me is
the likelihood of an irreversible
negative outcome yes that’s it
that’s it so define that way they’re
actually very few serious risks and I
choose to take very few serious risks
people might view me as a risk taker I
we find our personal Curt camp Myers
somebody who can really speak into our
lives and change our trajectory why I
can’t take credit for it I went to a
seminar the Kurt was teaching on success
and when he was when they finished
teaching I went up to him and introduced
myself and I asked for an appointment
with him and and he came to then the
Lancaster through the Holiday Inn for
breakfast and we had that breakfast
meeting that did changed my life and
then I never saw him again from that
time until my 65th birthday would my
staff bra I never had seen him I talked
about him and talked about and on my
65th birthday when we were having a
party together they brought him into the
room and I hadn’t seen him for 40 years
I just wept and I thought you know but
but I think the key was when I went to
hear him and I he began to speak to my
life about being successful I I kind of
broke out of a barrier and I went up to
introduce myself
and then I asked could I take him to
breakfast and could I learn from him and
I think the key is once you see somebody
that is helping you be bold and ask them
you know can I take you to breakfast and
by the way here’s the thought by the
breakfast okay just don’t go and say hey
how about by breakfast for me though but
but just I I took that step and I’ve
always been glad I took that step but
I’ve always thought to myself you know
what if I wouldn’t have taken the step
then I probably would have never had
that relationship for never maybe widow
ask that question whomever would never
would have had this seminar or would
have written written the book so I think
once you see somebody that you think can
really help you take the initiative and
step right up
and it was more a relief of not feeling
terrible about myself for a frappe
fraction of a day then it was the joy of
winning if that makes sense it totally
and so for my whole life I’ve been so
completely brutal to myself and I’ve
realized through a number of different
means you know one of which anybody can
pick up which is actually a book called
radical acceptance by Tara brach which
terrible terrible title love Tara brach
but a very very helpful introduction to
thinking about the potential idea that
if you want to really help people or you
want to really love people you can’t do
it if you have if you hate yourself you
just cannot fully do it you cannot I
don’t think it’s possible so the last
few years have been and especially the
last one or two years a process of
asking different questions and one of
the questions there are many different
questions but one of the most important
which which is right up front in this
book and the reason the book kind of
exists in a way is what what might this
look like if it were easy things are
hard enough or they can be and there’s
so much uncertainty in the world that
for type-a personalities or people
who’ve been wounded and have become very
highly competitive as a result are
highly driven so hardly driven yeah
right and driven we usually use as a
very complimentary descriptor but you
know horse that’s being whipped to run
faster until it dies on the track is
also being driven yes and that’s not
always a good thing and very often a bad
thing that question what might this look
like if it were easy is really
deceptively leveraged question because
you start to look for elegance
and he is instead of the path of
complexity that allows you to absorb and
tolerate the most pain which some people
myself included for a long time
viewed as an indicator of doing the
right thing or and sometimes for me of
strength yeah yeah it’s like oh yeah no
I can read line for longer than all of
you yep it’s like wait a second yeah
wait what do we talk yes and this is
good yeah ii like and there don’t get me
wrong there there is strength and there
are advantages to having endurance but
only when you’re enduring things that
are worth enduring mm-hm
as opposed to just making your life
painful so long answer long monologue
but I do think it’s very important to
talk about the darkness and the failures
and the hard times and when I interview
people I always try to bring that out
because it’s so easy like you said to
listen to an interview or to see someone
on the cover of a magazine and think to
yourself wow I really wish I could do
something like that
but I’m me and they’re them and they’ve
gotta figure it out
yeah and they always wake up at 6:00 in
the morning with like a mental karate
chop to copy the day with no
insecurities and that’s just oh it’s not
true and I can tell you with first-hand
knowledge knowing some of the most
impressive people I’ve ever come across
in the world who become my friends we
all have our demons so I want I make a
real conscious effort to talk about
those so that people can try to create a
safety net against self-destruction and
influence in every situation for the
foundation of the teaching today I want
to make sure that we really have a grasp
of why connecting with people is so
vital so if you go to the very first
sentence in your note to the number one
criteria for advancement and promotion
for professionals is an ability to
communicate effectively that I do
believe I think the ability to connect
and communicate so number one criteria
for success with your family with your
marriage with your children with your
friends in the workplace the marketplace
in the community if you have the ability
to connect with people if you can
communicate and connect not just
communicate it takes you and literally
gives you an eye a decided edge over
others in the advancement of what we’re
trying to accomplish for example in your
notes presidential historian Robert Alec
says that the success that successful
presidents exhibit five skills and
qualities that enable them to achieve
things that others don’t so he’s talking
about leaders and presidents and people
what makes some achieve better than
others here are the five things they do
well number one is vision number two
pragmatism number three consensus
building the ability to put together a
team and get consensus number four
charisma and number five trustworthiness
being a trustworthy kind of a person now
what is interesting about these five
these five things that set the better
presidents apart from maybe the average
ones for the five deal with connecting
visitors are definitely a connecting
skill the ability to to cast a future
vision consensus building getting people
to work together you have to be able to
connect to do that charisma of course
that’s why people follow the quote the
Pied Piper and trustworthy four of the
five of the skills needed to be
successful as a leader had a
a lot to do with connecting so let me
define connecting because that’s what
this book is all about connecting is the
ability to identify with people and
relate to them in such a way that it
increases our influence with them in
other words we can identify with them
until they say he or she understands
exactly what I know and what I’m going
through and we can relate with them
until we because of that ability we
begin to increase our influence with
them and of course what do I teach about
leadership very simple leadership is influence
you are listening to might know
something you don’t this is a chapter
about conversation and about the
different forms conversation takes and
so chapter about humility and it’s a
chapter about listening and humility
element is it took me a long time to
understand why there’s religious
injunctions supporting humility even
understand what the word really meant
and that sort of technical sense and it
means something like this it means what
you don’t know is more important than
what you know and that’s a lovely thing
too then then what you don’t know can
start to be your friend you see people
are very defensive about what they know
and for the reasons we’ve already
discussed but the thing is you don’t
know enough and the Riu can tell you
don’t know enough because your life is
not what it could be and neither is the
life of the people around you you just
don’t know enough and so what that means
is that every time you encounter some
evidence that you’re ignorant someone
points it out you should be happy about
that because you think oh you just told
me how I’m wrong it’s like great like
maybe I had to sift through a lot of
nonsense to get through the real message
that you’re telling me but if you could
actually tell me some way that I’m wrong
and then maybe give me a hint about how
to not be wrong like that well then I
wouldn’t have to be wrong like that
anymore that that would be a good thing
and you can you can you can embark on
that adventure by listening to people
and if you listen to people they will
tell you they’ll tell you amazing things
if you listen to them and many of those
things are little tools that you can put
in your toolkit like Batman and then you
can go out into the world and use those
tools and you don’t have to fall blindly
into a pit quite as often and so the
humility element is well do you want to
be right or do you want to be learning
and it’s deeper than that it’s do you
want to be that the tyrannical king
who’s already got everything figured out
or do you want to be the continually
transforming hero or fool for that
matter who’s getting better all the time
and that’s actually a choice you know
it’s a deep choice and it’s better to be
the self transforming fool who’s
humble enough to make friends with what
he or she doesn’t know and to listen
when people
talk and listening is a transformative
exercise like if if you listen to the
people in your life for example if you
actually listen to them they’ll tell you
what’s wrong with them and how to fix it
and what they want they can’t even help
it if you start listening because people
are so shocked if you actually listen to
them that they tell you also those sorts
of things that they might not have even
intended to things they don’t even know
and then you can you can work with that
learning disability with your dad
beating you screaming at you emotionally
challenging your mind with the racism
you dealt with with the different
struggles you felt with bullies what was
the Chun the hardest obstacle to
overcome
from up until about 15 16 the hardest
obstacle was myself I started realizing
more and more and more that all these
people were gone what was haunting me
was me I can’t control my dad
I can’t control all these things but
they were things that kept me down
it started become my reality my reality
was what they made out to be and I
became the most important conversation
you’ll ever have with your life you know
in your life is when you have yourself
mm-hmm and my conversation was
absolutely horrifying what were you
saying to yourself I’m dumb I’m nobody
my dad I mean my dad was great in mental
warfare a drunk insecure man hmm
we’ll make everybody around him feel
like hell yeah because he wants to give
you no power and that’s why he was so
mean and my mom and myself and my
brother because he didn’t want anybody
to get above him mm-hmm
you want to keep you down low so when
you’re growing up with all this stuff
all this hate and it wasn’t the beatings
I kept the beatings all day it was a
mental torture so when at a young age
your your parents put a dialog in you of
confidence or your nobody mm-hmm so that
voice in my head was I’m a loser and
then it was confirmed when I got in
school and in third grade I was falling
behind they want to put me in a special
school yeah you know with kids who can’t
learn then was confirmed look you know
what my dad was saying so that confirmed
it then I started cheating so I realize
you know what I’m taking the easy way
out again you know it starts no bomb so
what happens is you start to get this
picture that everybody hates you because
your reality becomes so so big that you
know you can’t see the clear picture it
might have been three or four I see
doing it over and over but it was the
whole town yeah everybody hated me
so start world hates me that’s right
yeah and that’s when they that’s what
became toxic and that is where I became
have this kind of mess this quandary
that were in right now so how do we make
those little bridging steps make I think
we attain it within ourselves initially
and we communicate these ideas on a
personal level of spirituality I can get
as you’ve just heard I can be very
verbose and a loquacious on the topic
but really it just means being nice it
ain’t hard just be nice you meet a
homeless person be nice you get into a
cab be nice to the person don’t see
yourself as adversarial then the
revolution is always already occurred
people will fear Armageddon don’t make
people fear the apocalypse don’t know
but for some Armageddon has already
occurred the homeless people that walk
our streets live already in a
post-apocalyptic world Armageddon will
surely come for each of us our own
personal Armageddon when each of us die
isn’t it redundant whether everyone
simultaneously dies if each of us will
individually die regardless Armageddon
is coming so whilst these cataclysmic
principles apply although on the
individual level people who think we
might be able to extend the human
lifespan through biotechnology but what
I’m saying is is that what we have to do
is individually reach and light our own
personal alignment we have to do the
principles are all there you know this
the principles are already there we
achieve detachment through meditation we
no longer then then we are know once we
live once we can achieve enlightenment
and as once we put our satisfaction
beyond that our individual needs we are
no longer malleable by the pre-existing
system the system requires us to be a
selfish little consumerist pods once we
go on I mean that bothered about that
it’s easy for me except being famous now
I know that’s boring I’ve been rich now
I know that’s boring loads of people now
I know that’s boring took loads of drugs
now no that’s boring
so all this lift its spiritual
enlightenment you’re doing a great job
of modeling courage in the face of farm
well there’s something I’d like to say
maybe in closing about courage people
say that to me and you know I don’t
think it’s exactly right doesn’t there’s
a line in the Old Testament the fear of
God is the beginning of wisdom and I
think it’s more like that it’s not that
I’m courageous it’s that I’m afraid of
the right things so when I made my
videos it wasn’t like that didn’t make
me nervous but I was less nervous about
going back to bed and not saying what I
had to say that I was about making the
videos because I know where this is
going
I don’t want to go there and so it’s
it’s not so much courage it’s that it’s
a matter of I it’s it’s it’s less risky
to say something than to remain silent
when you know there’s something to be
said I know that to be the case and so
lots of times in life it’s like there’s
no pathway forward that’s going to
shield you from risk you get to pick
this risk or you get to pick this risk
and I think I picked the lesser risk and
that might be wise but I’m not so sure
it’s courageous the greatest lesson your
mom taught you growing up honestly the
greatest lesson she had taught me is the
lesson that she did she doesn’t know how
much she taught me because she wasn’t
much in a teaching mode my dad took her
soul but what I did as a young kid is I
observed
everybody I wasn’t really smart in the
books yeah boss real smart when it came
to life yeah and I was able to sit back
and watch her mistakes I was able to see
how she struggled through life and how I
don’t want to struggle through life and
I was able to see she never picked me up
the biggest thing she did for me and
this is honest-to-god truth and she
doesn’t even know she did it without I
bust my ass but I would fail you know
when I was at the bottom of the sewer
she never picked me up she never gave me
that cookie and said hey son you know
just go eat okay so there she didn’t
have time for that
and sometimes she gets upset when I talk
about my past because if it paints her
out to be not the best mom if I had any
kind of mom in that kind of environment
I would have never made mm-hmm because
she forced me for ever reason she forced
me did you better figure this out are
you gonna be a statistic mom and this is
something she didn’t sit down and tell
me I realized this this is the world
that is in front of me and what most
people do is they see this world and
they look at it as an excuse to get out
of it you know I started looking at it
as this is the ultimate training ground
for the rest of my life
I have all these valuable lessons
because if you look out in the world
right now today it’s not a nice place
I’m very prepared for it yeah you are
I’ve been prepared for it I’m prepared
for all the failure coming my way I’m
prepared for everything my way and
that’s the biggest lesson that she
taught me by not teaching me mmm by
never saying it’s gonna be okay matter
of fact she told me exact opposite have
you ever heard a motivational speaker
tell you that attitude is everything
I’ll bet you have I’ve heard many say
that in fact they’ll say something like
if you can believe it you can achieve it
and that never quite rang true with me
so I began to press the issue and I have
come the conclusion that attitude isn’t
everything
now I’m not disclaiming or in any way
being disparaging about attitude because
I think attitude is very important but
if anybody comes up to you tells you
that attitude is everything I don’t buy
into that that’s not true for example
attitude can’t replace in confidence
if you’re incompetent you can be very
happy but you can still be very
unsuccessful
now here’s what I do know attitude isn’t
everything but attitude is the main
thing that’ll make a difference in your
life
because I believe that I wrote the book
the difference-maker
you see that’s what attitude is attitude
is the difference maker you have two
people side by side that you’re thinking
about employing in your company both of
them have the same background same job
description education experience I mean
you could almost flip a coin in second
hire the wet one on the writer I could
hire the one on the left but one has a
great attitude and one has a bad
attitude now who you gonna hire
you’re gonna hire the person with a
great attitude why because it was the
Oh many smart fantastic ambitious
idealistic hard-working kids and they’re
right out of college they’re in their
entry-level jobs and I’ll ask them how
is it going and they’ll say I think I’m
gonna quit and I’m like why they say to
me I’m not making an impact I’m like you
they treat the sense of fulfillment or
even love like it’s a scavenger hunt
like it’s something you look for my
millennial friends they’ve gone through
so many jobs they’re either getting
fired I mean it was mutual or they’re
quitting because they’re not making an
impact or they’re not finding anything
they’re looking for they’re not feeling
fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger hunt
love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is the sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation is standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
are journeys the problem is this entire
generation has an institutionalized
sense of impatience and do they have the
patience to go on the journey to
maintain love to feel fulfilled or do
they just quit and on to the next dump
and on to the next ghost and on to that
but a really interesting thing the other
day about I don’t know who this yogi was
you might be able to work out from there
from the anecdote Bertrand Russell the
intellectual and early CND campaign for
nuclear disarmament pioneer was like
fools the enemies like I think I will
committed to that whole CND deal and
they were visited by a yogi who said to
him look you know what does it matter if
we get rid of nuclear weapons we are
still the consciousness that created
nuclear weapons it will find some other
outlet what we need to address is the
inner space this intention this
attention the desire to create that kind
of technology as long as we have that
where we won’t we won’t resolve the
issue the nuclear weapon is a symbol an
emblem an expression of that phenomena
of that frequency so we should address
that and Bertrand Russell said below
there’s just googly-eyed is really
significant issue got time again the or
mystical bloody Vedic approach to it
this get rid of the weapons and I think
it’s possible to agree with both men in
that instance and like that all that you
know the people that criticize me people
that adore me they’re responding really
to themselves they’re responding to
their own consciousness they’re
responding to their own reality and so I
try to now I know what my intention is I
know where my attention is and and that
is what defines my life I try not to be
to allow my experience of reality to be
too diluted by other people’s input I
mean I love the approval and I’m not so
keen on the condemnation but like also I
look a lot at the source I look a lot
where it comes from and like you know I
don’t mind FoxNews hating me I’m okay
with that I’m okay with that
you know that I can’t change who I am
how do self awareness self assessment
and self-improvement begin and how do
they continue over time try to imagine
the way other people see you and what
other people are thinking of you and one
place where this happens and it
definitely happened to me is when I
started getting put in charge of things
I started thinking about other people’s
perspectives what what do they see if
you’re in charge then what are your
subordinates see you do what are your
subordinates here you say what kind of
representation are they receiving in if
you work for someone else it’s the same
questions what does the boss see me do
what does the boss hear me say what kind
of representation am i making of myself
to my boss and then you start thinking
about what are your friends and family
think what do they see what do they hear
and so the question becomes how well do
you represent yourself what shortfalls
do you have now when you first start
looking it’s like you’re looking at an
overgrown lawn there are some big
obvious problems so you do a broad just
kind of general cut of the grass you fix
some of the big easy problems that are
obvious or once you’ve done that you’ve
gotten rid of some of those big obvious
problems you notice some more detailed
problems so then you handle them and
once you’ve got those handled you see
even smaller and more detail the issues
and that’s what you do with yourself you
continually detach and then you look and
then you refine and then you detach and
then you look and then you refine and
then you detach and you look and then
you refine that’s what you do that’s how
you get better and that process doesn’t
stop it can’t stop because if you stop
refining then and then the weeds grow
back and the next thing you know you
can’t see yourself anymore
and you can’t see yourself anymore when
you stop looking at you yourself then
and that’s wrong don’t accept the faults
don’t give yourself the benefit of the
doubt you’ve got to be your own harshest
critic and hold the line say this to
people all the time
most important here is it isn’t me it’s
you and sure you may have grabbed some
little foothold from the podcast or from
one of the books but it isn’t me that
changes you it’s you you set the small
goals you achieve those goals then set
some more and achieve those and set some
more goals maybe a little bit bigger but
not that much bigger just start to start
small start with changing tomorrow
morning just tomorrow morning get that
squared away and then move on to the
next day and the next and move your life
to a better place one little step one
and I remember asking my dad to I want a
new basketball shoes because I was a
basketball junkie back then he’s like
well your shoes work if you wanted new
pair tennis shoes you have to go out
there and get a job and I’m like Dan I’m
12 years old and it just so happens he
was playing poker with his buddies and
one of his buddies just like well I got
a job for you you I’ve got these garbage
bags that we distribute you could sell
the door-to-door I’m like okay and it
was when I was selling them and realized
that I’d like to sell and that I could
sell and that I recognized that selling
was it was about providing the service
and creating value for people that I
knew that I would literally back then I
knew that I could always succeed I mean
I remember I was 16 I think when I
started a stamp company and started
going to stamp shows and trade shows and
just working a little bit harder than
other people and in trading up from one
stamp to the next I remember one time I
started with a quarter and bought a
stamp and left with $50 thinking hey if
I could do this I could do anything and
and it’s not that everything worked I
failed a lot but I never ever felt like
I I wouldn’t be able to work hard enough
find a situation where you can be in the
room with masters of a craft and that
could just be deal making it could be
joining a small company say a fewer than
50 people where you simply get to
observe one of the principles
negotiating in an industry that you
don’t even care anything about right
could be waste management and you want
to go into high tech but if you sit in a
room with someone who’s an absolute pro
at crafting deals negotiating getting
past know those skills and maybe those
relationships start to snowball all
right and this is what scott adams the
creator and Dilbert would call systems
thinking’s instead of being wedded to
the outcome of a given job you are
accumulating skills and relationships
that transcend that job okay and if you
choose your environments well because as
I’ve said before and as people like Drew
the CEO of Dropbox as a friend have said
you’re the average of the five people
you associate with most right so if you
take just a few years have the patience
a few years to really develop core
competencies that allow you to craft
your own reality and life negotiation
deal-making getting past know etc
learning how to pitch how to get
someone’s attention in 30 seconds so
that you can then create the desire and
ultimately ask for some type of action
once you develop those then you can
really just create the map for the next
decade in the next several decades so
that would be it it would be learned
before you earn and it’s never too late
to do that so I don’t care if you’re
coming out of college coming out of high
school
30 40 whatever it is systems thinking
focus on the skills and relationships
first and then you can just create a
blank check for how much money you want
all of us beggars and scroungers down at
the front gate decided that if if we
didn’t sort of band together we wouldn’t
survive and that if one could make it
that one would help all the others make
it and we would continue to help each
other so we banded together I mean
that’s that’s how cavemen figured it out
any society starts that way any society
begins by realizing them together by
helping each other you can survive
better than if you fight each other and
compete with each other if I got a job I
would help somebody else get a job if
somebody got more successful in me it
was partly my success I was and my
success wasn’t based on how I could push
down everybody that was around me my
success was based on how much I could
push everybody up and eventually their
success was the same way and in the
process they pushed me up and I pushed
them up and we kept doing that and we
still do that and even though we all
have in essence competing companies we
see it as if everybody succeeds my
friend succeeds that everybody succeeds
so that that and that’s the key to it is
to have everybody succeed not to gloat
over somebody else’s failure one of the
basic motifs of fairy tales is that you
find the poor unfortunate along the side
of the road and when they beg for help
if you give it to them you end up
succeeding if you don’t give it to them
you end up being turned into a frog or
something so it’s something that’s been
around for thousands of years a concept
that’s been around for thousands of
years
and it is even more necessary today when
people are much more into their own in
grand iseman than they are in helping
other people I mean the one thing about
you here at the academy here is
constantly about public service about
helping others I don’t think is anybody
who’s become successful that doesn’t
understand how important it is to be
part of the larger community to help
other people and larger community to
give back to the community and it’s not
something you do you start doing when
you’ve made it now I’m on the top I can
sort
enhance my joy and self-esteem by
helping the poor underlings it’s when
you are at the very lowest level and
you’re struggling when we were in film
school we were all very very poor we
were all very very struggling we all
need jobs very desperately and if one of
us couldn’t get a particular job we’d
send another friend in on the interview
because we were hoping that one of us
would get the job and so you’d do it
right from the very beginning you can
start every single day you know whether
it’s helping your brother or sister or
helping your peers at school or helping
in the community but it’s not just it’s
not just a kind of public service thing
it’s a way of life if America is the
pursuit of happiness the best way to
pursue happiness is to help other people
because there’s nothing else that will
make you happy you can be as rich and
famous and powerful as you want to be
I appreciate any input or advice you
have on how to record and track
objectives in a functional in a reliable
manner as I’m subjected to a lot of
information each day week month
I’m definitely overloaded to remember it
myself
discipline equals freedom so yeah a few
things first
first of all definitely write the things
down in one place and it sounds like
since you’re moving all the time or
you’re doing a meetings carry out just a
nice little notebook with you and write
the things down as you get tasked with
them then on top of that you have to
have a master list of some kind either
paper or digital I’m gonna probably
recommend digital to track things
overall in a prioritized method so if
you get tasks something in a meeting in
your little notebook you come back you
put it in the right place in the master
task list and then like twice a day to
consolidate the information that’s in
the little notebook you have into the
big master list and then before you go
to bed at night you organize those
things by priority on the master list
you put the most important thing at the
top and that’s what you’re going to
attack the next day that’s part one on
how you get these things organized now
the part two is you’ve got to schedule
this stuff and actually I always say
this when people have trouble with tasks
put them on the calendar to you know
actually Jamie does that for me
when Jamie’s got something for me to do
she just doesn’t email me and say hey
you need to do this she puts it on the
calendar so I look at my calendar boom
there it is I gotta go do this whatever
this task is done so put these things on
your calendar and that includes
scheduling time on your calendar so that
you can have time to consolidate your
list and do a review of your lists you
know whether that takes that probably
take 15 minutes to do and I guess
there’s a bunch of apps you can use and
I’m sure people will make
recommendations but there’s a ton of
to-do list apps including there’s one
there’s native ones on all the different
phones so you could look at that as it
possible a voice recorder mmm you can
either use the voice recorder app you
have or you can carry around a little
mini voice recorder then you can just
take notes with that and then you can
solid ate those notes from your from
your voice recorder into your master
define risk you know this is an
important question because I realized
that a lot of the knots we tie ourselves
into and the a lot of the anxiety that
we feel is actually due to using words
that are not defined very well like
success I just want to be successful
well you better have a very clear
definition on what that is if it’s gonna
be one of your mind and your main
obsessions young lady or young man yeah
happiness yeah that’s a slippery one too
and risk is another one risk to me is
the likelihood of an irreversible
negative outcome yes that’s it
that’s it so define that way they’re
actually very few serious risks and I
choose to take very few serious risks
people might view me as a risk taker I
we find our personal Curt camp Myers
somebody who can really speak into our
lives and change our trajectory why I
can’t take credit for it I went to a
seminar the Kurt was teaching on success
and when he was when they finished
teaching I went up to him and introduced
myself and I asked for an appointment
with him and and he came to then the
Lancaster through the Holiday Inn for
breakfast and we had that breakfast
meeting that did changed my life and
then I never saw him again from that
time until my 65th birthday would my
staff bra I never had seen him I talked
about him and talked about and on my
65th birthday when we were having a
party together they brought him into the
room and I hadn’t seen him for 40 years
I just wept and I thought you know but
but I think the key was when I went to
hear him and I he began to speak to my
life about being successful I I kind of
broke out of a barrier and I went up to
introduce myself
and then I asked could I take him to
breakfast and could I learn from him and
I think the key is once you see somebody
that is helping you be bold and ask them
you know can I take you to breakfast and
by the way here’s the thought by the
breakfast okay just don’t go and say hey
how about by breakfast for me though but
but just I I took that step and I’ve
always been glad I took that step but
I’ve always thought to myself you know
what if I wouldn’t have taken the step
then I probably would have never had
that relationship for never maybe widow
ask that question whomever would never
would have had this seminar or would
have written written the book so I think
once you see somebody that you think can
really help you take the initiative and
step right up
and it was more a relief of not feeling
terrible about myself for a frappe
fraction of a day then it was the joy of
winning if that makes sense it totally
and so for my whole life I’ve been so
completely brutal to myself and I’ve
realized through a number of different
means you know one of which anybody can
pick up which is actually a book called
radical acceptance by Tara brach which
terrible terrible title love Tara brach
but a very very helpful introduction to
thinking about the potential idea that
if you want to really help people or you
want to really love people you can’t do
it if you have if you hate yourself you
just cannot fully do it you cannot I
don’t think it’s possible so the last
few years have been and especially the
last one or two years a process of
asking different questions and one of
the questions there are many different
questions but one of the most important
which which is right up front in this
book and the reason the book kind of
exists in a way is what what might this
look like if it were easy things are
hard enough or they can be and there’s
so much uncertainty in the world that
for type-a personalities or people
who’ve been wounded and have become very
highly competitive as a result are
highly driven so hardly driven yeah
right and driven we usually use as a
very complimentary descriptor but you
know horse that’s being whipped to run
faster until it dies on the track is
also being driven yes and that’s not
always a good thing and very often a bad
thing that question what might this look
like if it were easy is really
deceptively leveraged question because
you start to look for elegance
and he is instead of the path of
complexity that allows you to absorb and
tolerate the most pain which some people
myself included for a long time
viewed as an indicator of doing the
right thing or and sometimes for me of
strength yeah yeah it’s like oh yeah no
I can read line for longer than all of
you yep it’s like wait a second yeah
wait what do we talk yes and this is
good yeah ii like and there don’t get me
wrong there there is strength and there
are advantages to having endurance but
only when you’re enduring things that
are worth enduring mm-hm
as opposed to just making your life
painful so long answer long monologue
but I do think it’s very important to
talk about the darkness and the failures
and the hard times and when I interview
people I always try to bring that out
because it’s so easy like you said to
listen to an interview or to see someone
on the cover of a magazine and think to
yourself wow I really wish I could do
something like that
but I’m me and they’re them and they’ve
gotta figure it out
yeah and they always wake up at 6:00 in
the morning with like a mental karate
chop to copy the day with no
insecurities and that’s just oh it’s not
true and I can tell you with first-hand
knowledge knowing some of the most
impressive people I’ve ever come across
in the world who become my friends we
all have our demons so I want I make a
real conscious effort to talk about
those so that people can try to create a
safety net against self-destruction and
influence in every situation for the
foundation of the teaching today I want
to make sure that we really have a grasp
of why connecting with people is so
vital so if you go to the very first
sentence in your note to the number one
criteria for advancement and promotion
for professionals is an ability to
communicate effectively that I do
believe I think the ability to connect
and communicate so number one criteria
for success with your family with your
marriage with your children with your
friends in the workplace the marketplace
in the community if you have the ability
to connect with people if you can
communicate and connect not just
communicate it takes you and literally
gives you an eye a decided edge over
others in the advancement of what we’re
trying to accomplish for example in your
notes presidential historian Robert Alec
says that the success that successful
presidents exhibit five skills and
qualities that enable them to achieve
things that others don’t so he’s talking
about leaders and presidents and people
what makes some achieve better than
others here are the five things they do
well number one is vision number two
pragmatism number three consensus
building the ability to put together a
team and get consensus number four
charisma and number five trustworthiness
being a trustworthy kind of a person now
what is interesting about these five
these five things that set the better
presidents apart from maybe the average
ones for the five deal with connecting
visitors are definitely a connecting
skill the ability to to cast a future
vision consensus building getting people
to work together you have to be able to
connect to do that charisma of course
that’s why people follow the quote the
Pied Piper and trustworthy four of the
five of the skills needed to be
successful as a leader had a
a lot to do with connecting so let me
define connecting because that’s what
this book is all about connecting is the
ability to identify with people and
relate to them in such a way that it
increases our influence with them in
other words we can identify with them
until they say he or she understands
exactly what I know and what I’m going
through and we can relate with them
until we because of that ability we
begin to increase our influence with
them and of course what do I teach about
leadership very simple leadership is influence
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