live what’s gonna matter is how are you
why are you here that’s what we want to
talk about today we got a look at what
makes you really do what you do
everything on earth has a purpose and
you do to that purpose provides an inner
drive that once you tap into it can give
your life immense fulfillment it’ll also
give you certainty because you know
right now what a world that’s changing
so rapidly that virtually every time you
turn around you hear about something
else that’s changing and I personally
get to deal with hundreds of thousands
of people per year I see about 250 to
300 thousand people a year in my live
programs and I hear so much excitement
and also there’s so much fear about the
pace of change I mean we’ve all talked
about changes happening so rapidly now
in paradigm shifts and all that stuff
has become so overused at this point
that we become numb to it but it’s true
never in the history of the world of
things change so rapidly so you need to
find something that’s eternal inside of
yourself that no matter what changes on
the surface this part of you does not
change it’s the part you come back to
the part that guides you the part that
really makes you fulfilled and that’s
your purpose because all of a sudden
when you find out a friend’s got cancer
or you turn around and you see that
35,000 people IBM got laid off or an
entire industry disappeared overnight
because a new one was created it’ll give
you a way to find some good and
virtually anything your purpose is
available to you at any moment of your
life but you gotta know what it is
before we get into it let me back up a
little bit here okay I have a good
friend is one of the most successful
financial people in the country he works
in all these financial markets he’s
incredibly successful businessman but I
know he’s working very hard right now on
a goal I went to visit him recently and
boy he’s working hard he’s gonna achieve
that goal but you know when the goals
finally there then he’s gonna be happy I
thought no no no no you know each moment
we’ve got to be able to find some sense
meaning for our life something that a
significant something is useful and we
all know this is not a new conversation
but as your coach and as your friend in
these tapes I’d like to draw your
attention to some things that maybe you
already know but haven’t thought about
for a while
maybe get you to put some of your focus
into the most important air your life
which is enhancing meaning see all of us
in life have to have a reason to be here
if all you’re doing out there is going
out and trying to achieve goals and then
you achieve them and I’m sure you’ve run
into that trip up wire that says okay
I’ve achieved the goal now what right we
achieve the goal and your brain says is
this all there is
see the purpose of a goal is I’ve shared
with you so many times is not to achieve
the goal the purpose of the goal is what
it makes of us as people who we become
ultimately with all we have to have a
sense that who we even have become has
some kind of meaning without that
there’s not a reason to live there’s not
a reason to get up there’s not a reason
to go out there and make it happen
what’s really controlling this man’s
life is fear when people say they’re
cynical or they’re pessimistic what
they’re really screaming out to you is
I’m scared out of my mind I’m afraid to
dream again I’m afraid to think about
what’s possible I’m afraid to really put
myself on the line and say I’m gonna go
for something I’m gonna stand for
something I’m gonna put myself a line in
a relationship or my business or my
vision to make a difference in the world
because you know what maybe at one time
this person did that maybe they’ve tried
it several times and it didn’t work and
they got pain and pain and pain but he
said they didn’t want the pain so they
stopped dreaming he stopped and
visioning he stopped coming up with
meaning instead they trying to keep
themself away from the pain by saying
well there’s no meaning at all anyway
but unfortunately that gives you the
ultimate pain because it gives you a
life without meaning and no one can live
a life that’s been filled without a
sense of meaning see we’ve been put here
for a reason
question is why and the answer I think
is different for every one of us it’s
different for me than it is for you and
yet it’s the same every one of us has
been put here every one of us is unique
and different and special and I believe
our Creator if I use the word God if I’m
in a God has put you here for a reason
questions what is it God does not create
things without a purpose everything on
earth serves a purpose why are you here
what are you here to do what are you
here to become to create and to give
these are some of the most significant
questions that you can answer in your
life and even when you answer them I’m
sure that as your life expands you’ll
come up with better answers as you get
more experience and you get closer in
touch with your own innermost being and
maybe your pumps are in touch with your
Creator as well so the donee where you
going with this I’m really going to the
essence of giving your life what you
deserve
which is knowing but there are no
mistakes knowing that every little thing
you do has a consequence it can be a
positive consequences to be a choosing
the most powerful thing that has
consequence in your life though is the
thing we talk about so often but I gotta
say it again and that is what’s really
ultimately shaping our lives our
decisions the first decision is the
decision about what to focus on where
your focus goes can be terminal how you
think how you feel what you do
ultimately what your life turns out like
what you’re able to contribute the
bottom line is we must find an
empowering focus out of any situation
the second decision that shapes our life
and the meaning of our lives are the
decisions that we make about what
something means meaning is ultimately
something we determined that’s the
exciting part about it and that’s the
scary part about it
the third decision of course is what are
you going to do when something happens
see so much of the fear that we see in
life comes from the fact that most of us
don’t feel like we’re in control we’re
running around trying to control all the
events of our lives and every single one
of us is going to experience multiple
situations in our life that no matter
how skillful we are well we cannot
control the event well it’s just not
something that we can control because we
didn’t initiate it anytime you’re
dealing with other people this is gonna
happen anytime you’re dealing with
Mother Nature this is gonna happen
most of us in life are so afraid
something’s gonna happen that we can’t
control therefore we’re gonna get pain
that we try to avoid those things we
can’t control we try to shape our lives
where we spend our time who we spend our
time with what we do by environments
that we feel really comfortable in when
we feel like we’re really in controlling
them what that does is it limits the
shape and quality of our lives
we’ve got to be willing to put ourselves
out there to discover what we’re really
capable of we’re putting environments
when we don’t know what to do we don’t
know what things mean we’re not sure
it’s in those environments that we grow
the most it’s in those environments we
discover more of our true purpose as
human beings it’s there that our
character is shaped you know so many
times we set goals or we have dreams or
we have plans and we work our tail off
and it doesn’t come out the way we want
a lot of people come out of those
situations disillusioned or angry or
resentful or frustrated they look for
someone to blame
but you know sometimes I really truly
believe that not getting your goal as
part of the design far as the game plan
causing you to dig inside and discover
more of yourself to really begin to use
your real capacity as human being those
traits that are within you that only
expand when they’re challenged when
demands are made upon them
you know I truly believe that God is not
so much interested in our convenience as
he is in our character no and I also
believe that because something hasn’t
happened right away when you wanted it
and designed it didn’t work out doesn’t
mean it’s not gonna happen it’s really a
test of how committed are you it’s
really a test designed to make you
become more gods delays are not God’s
denials unless you give up of course if
you don’t do your part then of course
whatever you’ve envisioned will never
come to be but we have to be willing to
continue to put ourselves forth and know
that events will show up that we can’t
control so let me ask you a question you
go okay I understand all this Tony but
how do you ever have a sense of
certainty in a world that’s changing all
the time where you set goals you do all
the right things and it still doesn’t
always turn out right how do you live in
a world where suddenly something can
happen it could take away your whole
business or you know storm could come
and take away your home or or some
calamity could happen to your personal
family or a disease could hit or or
someone could die how do you deal with
all that and the answer is you have to
know the one thing you can control is
not events where you control is what
things mean to you and therein comes the
secret to life because no matter what
happens in your
the meaning of what has happened is
yours you get to determine it as long as
you’re conscious and you don’t allow the
people around you to teach you what to
think and as long as you don’t just go
on automatic pilot and allow your
nervous system to make up connections
that are false let me give an example of
what happens to people certainly by now
you realize that what you do is human
being is primarily driven by your need
to avoid pain your desire for pleasure
right but see all of us have learned
through life certain things mean more
pain than others and so some people are
driven by their fear right to experience
the emotion of fear is the most
incredible painful thing they could ever
imagine so they’ll do anything to avoid
being in a fearful situation other
people are driven by the desire to feel
a sense of adventure
obviously they make decisions
differently they focus on different
things in life they can walk in the same
room as someone who lives in fear and
they’re gonna notice different things
they’re gonna want to sit in a different
place they’re gonna want to try a
different kind of vacation than someone
who’s trying to focus on how to be
secure what drives you are you driven by
guilt are you driven by your past when
we would use the word driven the word
drive it really means to guide to
control or to direct something so what’s
guiding you what’s controlling you
what’s directing your behavior what’s
directing your focus what’s directing
the meaning you’re pulling from your
life what is it is it your parents is it
the competition you have with somebody
else is it wanted to prove somebody
wrong is it your desire to contribute is
it your desire for joy or happiness or
is it a sense of purpose that’s driving
a sense there’s something out there for
you to do is something you’re designed
to evolve into to become to share to
give to create you don’t even know what
it is but you’re willing to trust that
each day more that’s gonna come out see
whatever drives you that’s what’s
shaping your life and the challenges
that most of us never consciously decide
what we’re gonna have drive our life see
we’re not stimulus-response
animals but we can be stimulus-response
animals our nervous systems are designed
to help us they’re designed to be a
source of decision-making they’re
designed to help us very quickly when
you have an experience figure out what
is the source of that pain so we can
avoid it in the future what is that
source of that pleasure so we can
more of it in the future but when we
don’t think things through when we don’t
think things through in an empowering
way we don’t have faith that there’s a
higher meaning we tend to settle like
animals for the lowest meaning that we
can find well this is happening because
I’m a bad person this is happening
because there’s something wrong with me
this is happening because I’m just
destined to fail or worse very often in
life we don’t even consciously think
things through our nervous system just
makes quick decisions hey every moment
you’re alive whatever you have a
significant amount of pain your brain
says hey what is the source of this pain
and it uses three criteria I’m sure you
remember to determine what the source of
your pain is it looks for something that
is happening about the same time you’re
having the pain that is unique because
after all you weren’t feeling pain a
moment ago you got pain now what’s
unique about this situation it looks for
something that is recent something’s
happening about the same time you have
the pain and it also looks for something
that is consistent something that
whenever you’ve had pain in the past
this has also been a factor in that
situation let me tell you how these
three criteria can help you you go out
one day when you’re a child and you
touch a hot stove you feel some pain you
pull it back your brain says okay what
was unique to that moment that gave me
the pain that looks around us inside
this burner right it says what was
happening about the same time I felt the
pain I was touching this burner and
what’s consistent about it well maybe
nothing until you do it again after
doing it two or three times or maybe one
time does it hurt enough maybe one time
is consistent it’s like when somebody
says to you always do that you know I
don’t always do that yes you do you
always do it I’ve done it one time yeah
but while that’s always what human
beings can make one time consistent if
it’s painful enough so the bottom line
is what do you learn your nervous system
learns you don’t grab burners all right
you just don’t do that
and so in the future when you’re trying
to make a decision about what focus on
what things mean and what to do and
you’re going buy a burner one of the
options is not to go grab that baby just
for fun so as basic as this lesson is we
feel to realize that this simple system
that assists us so much and making
decisions because it helps us discover
what is the source of our pain or our
pleasure so we can avoid
Dabangg gained the pleasure in the
future this simple system can be
misguided or misinterpret information
see here’s how it works so give me an
example is doing a date with destiny
only couple weekends ago um several
people are having major challenges in
their life one lady just couldn’t get
herself to really have any meaning in
her life so I kept digging digging
digging the real problem that she had is
he felt lonely because she felt
disconnected because she wanted to have
someone she could share her life with
but she couldn’t get herself to do that
why would you guess someone couldn’t get
themself to be able to share their life
not hard to figure out is it pain person
obviously as I guessed had a painful
relationship in the past which she had
it was so painful that she’d linked up
in her head that marriage cuz she’d had
a previous one that was painful equals
death romantic kind of keep you away
from getting too close to a relationship
right and how did her brain do that well
she said she was in this relationship
but was so great but after they got
married this man became physically
abusive verbally abusive he basically
did everything he could to control every
aspect of her life and the worst thing
of all when she finally got developed
the courage to divorce this man he
threatened dolly her life but he also
threatened their own son’s life now when
that happens she got linked up marriage
equals death to not only need a
potential loss of the life of my child
that’s even more than the loss of her
own life for her well it’s not too hard
to figure out that if your brain says
why am i feeling his ultimate pain and
it looks for something unique and says
well cuz I’m married and then it looks
around and says what was happening about
the same time I felt the pain marriage
and you say what was consistent during
the pain you go marriage
pretty soon you can avoid marriage but
it doesn’t stop there her brain also
linked up that the cause of her pain was
something else two men was after all
what was unique I had this man around I
was married to a man right and then
secondly what else was going on well
about the same time I was feeling the
pain I was with this man and sure enough
what was recent this man right off time
I’d the pain he was there every time so
sure enough all of a sudden she’s
avoiding all men but didn’t stop there
she also linked up that the reason she
thought this pain was because she trusts
so as a result her brain linked up
unconsciously if you trust then you will
die now I would say to you the opposite
is true if you don’t trust if you don’t
have faith and you instantly die
internally you may not die physically
but you die emotionally because anything
that’s worth living in life requires
your faith
it requires trusting it requires knowing
that you can get out of the chair and
walk on this floor and when you step out
on the floor you don’t stop and have to
analyze can I do this and you don’t
weigh everything and think about your
weight and the structure of the floor
what’s underneath that you just trust
otherwise you’d be immobilized you have
to trust to drive a car you have to have
faith to enter a relationship get faith
to start a business you have to faith
when all of a sudden somebody this
company says these 35,000 people are
gone into faith that if you’re one of
those 35,000 that there is a better plan
for you and that you will now act on
that faith and take action and find that
better plan that better solution for
your life you must have that you lose
trust you lose meaning when you lose
meaning you lose your life again maybe
not physically but certainly emotionally
and when you lose it emotionally the
physical loss of life often is not that
medical researchers are now proving the
mind-body connection is not some psycho
babble but a physical reality that the
way we think in the way we feel about
our lives affects us physically in fact
dr. Chopra recently shared with me that
there is a new study that was done in
the state of Massachusetts where they
began to study what causes someone to
die at their first heart attack before
the age of 50 where they never get
another chance I was what was the number
one risk factor they wanted to know and
they assumed that what would cause
someone to die from just a very first
heart attack never another chance would
be a person just had so much cholesterol
in their body the body wasn’t able to
recover they found out that was not the
number one risk factor and they thought
well maybe that diabetes maybe it was
more of a genetic factor they once again
disproved that theory with the
Department of Health Education and
Welfare for the state of Massachusetts
states in their article clearly is the
most important risk factor determine
that you will die of your first heart
attack and not get a second chance is
what they call job dissatisfaction
you’ve got to have a deeper meaning for
your life and now I’m on that grindstone
again or I’m on that treadmill no wonder
most people life turn to alcohol or
drugs or television and even then they
can’t find something entertaining
themselves even then little sense any
fulfillment because distraction does not
create a life of significance
distraction does not create joy
distraction will not give you what
you’re seeking drugs will not change
your life for the better
right what they’ll do is hurt you
they’ll create pain and there are all
kinds of drugs anything that doesn’t
expand you as a human being or allow you
to share more love and joy with others
in a natural way that enhances your
physiology and your mind your emotions
and your spirit is something you
probably don’t need you gotta grow you
gotta expand you got to contribute
you’ve got to know that you’re here for
a purpose there are no mistakes there is
a meaning even if you haven’t found it
yet you must discover it do you know
what most people they don’t discover the
meaning of their life until their life
/ was sad placed be more until they have
a life-threatening illness or until
somebody very close to them if they love
is about to leave them you don’t have to
wait for the pain to discover the
meaning so why no one I found the
purpose of my life you decide what it is
you discover it and you decide this is
it maybe later on I’ll refine it it
probably will but for right now this is
why I’m playing the game of life this is
what it’s about every day if I’m just
being this way if I’m just doing these
kinds of simple things with other people
with myself then I know I’m on track I
know there’s a reason for my existence
we all have that I know you know a story
of Viktor Frankl right the manner up
man’s search for meaning here’s a man
who’s in a Nazi concentration camp with
pain everywhere around him knowing any
moment he could be gassed or maybe
spared and if he was spared he’d have
the unique privilege of going out and
taking the dead bodies out of those gas
chambers putting them in the big ovens
talk about intense and yet somehow in
the midst of that pain he found a deeper
meaning the meaning was that even though
he was in pain in the moment somehow
someday he would survive this and he
would come to share the story so that
this would never happen to other people
in the future he couldn’t find a meaning
in the moment he found a meaning in the
future and for most of us the meaning
that we want for our lives is here today
and it’s preparing us for an even
greater meaning in the future if we’ll
just use all of our life’s experience
the pain and the pleasure to become more
to prepare ourselves for whatever it is
that our Creator has brought us here for
to prepare ourselves so that at the
moment of truth where we are needed we
will deliver and my real belief is we’re
gonna be delivering all along the way it
isn’t something that some day you’re
gonna do it’s something new every day
are doing you know my former spouse
Becky just recently lost her
and it’s been a tough time for her
because in a very short period of time
here she’s lost both her mom and her dad
and that’s an event you cannot control
and God knows we tried you know three
years ago when they told us that father
had cancer they told us that he would
die within a period of anywhere from
three to six months and we just did not
allow the Metallica map the obvious
reasons you know hard I believe from all
the people we’ve learned from and
everyone from dr. Bernie Siegel to
Norman Cousins to dr. Deepak Chopra we
understand the mind-body connection if
someone decides that because they have
some dis-ease in their body what it
means is they’re gonna die then of
course they will unfortunately he never
found out that diagnosis and what we did
is we kept making sure he had a
compelling future he had a sense of
meaning a variety of things that he was
needed for and it was amazing how he
physically responded the lab trips
scheduled for him to go to Fijian on
which he went on and talking about how
we needed his help with our resort Aaron
helping some of the genes in the garden
because the garden for him created so
much meaning in his life about
supporting about nurturing about helping
life along a little bit and so he that
he was excited about things we wanted to
do with his grandkids and we kept giving
him compelling futures and sure enough
three months went by he was healthy six
months went by he was healthy a year
went by and through a variety of
interventions pretty soon he seemed to
be better until just recently when we
started getting phone calls from his
neighbors he lived up in a place called
Ram Colorado a little town with 14
people in it and he’s been a major part
of for years and years and they started
call us to tell us that they didn’t
think he could take care of himself
anymore so go out and brought him back
here the first few days he was in
phenomenal shape it was like he was
completely restored being around the
grandkids and then being in the
environment he was all excited to share
about things that have happened in his
little town of RAM that he helped to
create there about all about the calves
that he helped to deliver and about the
planting season and how they helped
people through the winter and some of
the stories they’d been telling and he
was just totally alive
and we took him the doctors for a series
of tests they said they wanted to keep
him overnight next day we called and I
spoke to
his main doctor and he said it looks
like he just has a foreign meningitis so
he said that’ll be really easily
treatable and he should be okay and he
said so don’t worry
he said we’re just gonna do a series of
more tests because he’s a bit dehydrated
he lives in an altitude of about 11,500
feet and he’s not drinking enough water
and he said so you know we’re gonna run
a couple more tests he said next day he
said but I think it’d be fine he said I
have to go out of town he said my you
know partner doctor will be working with
him so said I’ve passed on all the
information you can check in with him
tomorrow well the next day Becky wanted
to go see her dad and I was out doing a
seminar and I got a phone call on the
phone call was that they’ve done
additional tests and that they found out
that the cancer had spread throughout
his spine and into his brain and while
it wasn’t treatable before when they
told us three years ago it’s certainly
not treatable now and they thought he
would die weeks the worst part was
though they also told this to him before
they told it to Becky
so he had no one there to support him
through the process to give him other
options when I found this out I became
so angry with the doctors just I focused
on how he violated what we asked him to
do and how the other doctor should have
told his partner doctor not to tell him
yet to allow us to talk to him to
prepare him for this situation that was
so harsh it was so unfair and the
meaning of it was that it was going to
really harm him that it all said he
would give up hope and what I wanted to
do was lash out and fortunately I didn’t
lash out instead I started focusing on
what is happening to see so what can I
do so I went to go see him and talk to
him and it was unbelievable he looked
like he just aged ten years in a day
because what happened is he had no
future there was no purpose in fighting
the pain or trying to make things happen
or you know trying to tell stories or do
anything because after all you’re gonna
die anyway soon and that was kind of the
way he was interpreting it
sure enough no matter what we said he
just didn’t seem to respond he’s just
seemed to go into a total stupor and for
the next day and a half or so he just
sat in the corner and he really didn’t
say very much or communicate very much
you just said not to bother with him
that he was fine
you know open up emotionally and I just
sat down with him and I
I cried and I told him how much I loved
him and much Becky loved him and how he
needed to share with us what he was
really feeling because the holding that
back wasn’t keep protecting us from pain
was just felt separate from him then we
met he could choose how what this was
gonna mean for his life that he the
doctors had told us three years ago that
he was gonna die when the matter of
months then hearing was three years
later I said what if you would have just
sat around for three years in this
little corner doing nothing because you
thought you’re gonna die any day or any
week and should that be pretty crazy on
he started laughs but I said look at
this I said you can’t just sit off in
this corner hey you might die tomorrow
you might die in six weeks you might die
in six months in my dad in six years you
might die in ten or twenty years and
really screw these people’s brains up I
said it doesn’t matter how long you’re
gonna live on sky matters how are you
gonna live while you’re here I said
you’ve lived an incredible life that he
in World War two you were a pilot you
know you’re a businessman now you’re
this guy who’s touching this little town
up in Colorado everybody knows you and
cares about you and loves you because
you love them I said you braise these
incredible kids I said you know if
you’re gonna go go out and style go out
because you decided to go out and an
energy that you want to where you really
enjoy your life don’t just shut down
because somebody told you life’s over
cuz you buy into it don’t do it he said
well you know Tony’s – the truth is I’m
not afraid to die he said everything is
said us truly said you know my life has
been so rich he says I feel like you
know I’ve lived my purpose now
I look around and I see my kids and I
see what they’re like as people and I
see what I’ve done and and I think maybe
it’s time for me to go now
I said listen if you’re deciding to do
that because you really want to go then
you know I love you I mean you know I’m
gonna cry and I’m not trying to keep you
here and not as Becca we love you I said
but the same time don’t leave cuz
someone tells you it’s time to go well
no I said when it’s time to go you’ll
know I said you can go consciously you
can decide when at the time you don’t
have to wait til the paynus on tenth you
can’t stand it but the same time don’t
go any quicker then your meeting is done
I think right now you’re teaching your
family a lot of new lessons he said yeah
that’s probably true I said so what do
you want to do how do you want to do
things I see let’s get your Fanny out of
here let’s get about we have this great
conversation and talk about all kinds of
things I will bore you the details but I
let him know then you never have to
worry about his daughter and and that
she’d become the kind of person he could
always be proud of it was amazing
because the next three four five days he
came to life all of a sudden there was a
purpose and things again all of a sudden
he was alive he’d go out by the pool and
tell stories and so forth and he went
over to the Polo Grounds and did all
kinds of just really great things and
then I went away for a seminar and it
came back two days later and it was like
he was gone he could barely even talk
he’s having a difficult time holding
himself up
you have round-the-clock care for him
pretty soon he wasn’t able to carry on a
conversation he would start talking
gibberish and start seeing things that
were invisible in point to them we could
tell the end was coming as the end star
to come there was more and more pain
than tears and we felt it all and also
at the same time reminded ourselves hey
we’re making this thing that it’s lost
because if our short-term thinking about
his man and his body is presence this
life will live on beyond this physical
presence and for him what it probably
means his freedom finally be free of the
painful body he’s been in for so many
years for him it’s a chance to be with
his wife Becky’s mom she has to be with
her loved ones there was another meaning
that could give you joy at the same time
and so you try to focus on those
and one night I got home and all of a
in Colorado that I’ve never been to
before
you really want a funeral you never like
people quote put on airs for anything
it’s a simple man simple values in a
simple mission when I got there I looked
around and he never explicitly said what
the mission of his life was a purpose of
his life but in a town of 14 people on
we went out to this gravesite put his
body into the ground and suddenly person
after person started showing up we knew
all 14 people be there because we nearly
touched them all they all loved him he
was the storyteller it’s the man who
took an old car years ago and painted it
black and white but a star on the side
but a dumb in the inside glasses made it
look like a police car so that people
came running through this little town
which consists about seven or eight
buildings that they might slow down his
house was called the rand Yacht Club
because he invited everybody up for
coffee every single morning at least 300
days a year
figured I could tell him a story and
cheer him up he’s surrounded a
restaurant they were called the wires
layer the reason was because he had
people he’d tell people stories and you
tell the wildest tales and get people to
believe them sure enough after about 10
or 15 years began to realize that some
of these things were stories and they
all laughed as they told me stories
about this incredible man had touched
their lives when we got to the graveside
not only did 14 people show up but in
this little town it’s four hours outside
of Denver people came from all over
people came from Wyoming people came
from Denver pretty soon there were a
hundred people at a gravesite where
there’s not supposed to be a service to
honor a man who touched their lives
so we said you know you don’t have any
formal service cuz that’s not what he
wanted but before we put his body in the
ground isn’t it more like the say
anything y’all talked about how he
touched them how their life was greater
because he is such a loving sloth and
his smile and tested his stories a
touched but just his manner that he was
a lover of people and animals but
because he’d been in this town their
lives would never be the same
people who come through the town just
for a day it says little kindness he was
a man who said you can’t saying
something nice about something don’t say
anything at all he never said negative
word about anybody back one man probably
the most telling tale of his man’s life
ceases the kind of guy so they sat down
one day with him and said what are you
doing about all those rodents that keep
stealing all our animals are you poison
in the moon shooting at me trapping him
are you killing what are you doing
because they’re taking all my stuff and
Cecil said no I said I just plant twice
as much I thought what a life what a man
his life was his mission his mission was
real simple love people while the
animals love beings make the world a
little bit better by just being nice he
lived a life of significance one that
had meaning he didn’t go out and change
everything on earth he didn’t make a
billion dollars
he doesn’t have people writing him up
everywhere but he changed people’s lives
and he died in his sleep out of pain the
day he decided to go and he created in
his family a greater sense of courage to
look at life in a new way and a greater
we had a tour commitment
to be givers in life as he was to any
saal baad the villagers come across his
I hope it also makes you think about
what’s most important in your life I
remember an interview with Michael
Hendon wife magazine I knew he was gonna
go
is a quote somebody should tell us right
at the start of our lives that were
dying and we might live life to the
limit every minute of every day do what
I say
whatever you want to do do it now there
are only so many tomorrows if you and I
are gonna live our lives fully and maybe
we can learn that all of our lives or
[Music]
season five was an incredible example he
didn’t think anything in life was
insignificant not a rodent not a flower
and not an animal milah stranger passing
truth you live by a philosophy but they
also live in Fiji by the way Fiji was
his favorite place the last things he
told me was that happiest I’m his wife
the last years legas cuz he felt like
there everybody understood what he
understood the life is meant to be a
happy to be a joy to appreciate a little
things as opposed the big things
appreciate one another to be givers to
be lovers of life I say to you that if
you’re driven by anything other than
your love then your spirit and your
desire to contribute your desire to grow
and expand you’re driven by their need
to please others if you’re driven by
your fear if you’re driven by your past
maybe it’s time to free yourself and the
way to do it is decide decide
consciously what you want your life to
be about
decide consciously what’s the purpose of
your life something simple something you
can live every single day you know I
think that then look at people’s lives
and I see the people who are having so
much difficulty I think the number one
reason why people fail to experience joy
and life experience life as a win it’s
not because their life isn’t the wind
because the wind can be just reaching
out and touching somebody around you the
wind can be just telling somebody that
you love them the wind can be taking
care of your body God’s temple the wind
can be stopping and feeling great or the
wind could be anywhere you don’t have to
land on the moon
the win and you can enjoy landing on the
moon too how much better to enjoy the
process because we’re going to spend
most of our life in process towards the
achievement of goals then I’m not saying
don’t go do things and I’m not saying
don’t have grand schemes and dreams and
not saying don’t do those cuz our lives
are better because people dream huge
games and they’ve made them happen but
I’m saying don’t do it the expense of
not appreciating what’s true along the
way and the Cecil’s reminder service all
those little things that are so so
important we’ve always believed they’re
important I feel like we’ve always lived
that they’re important but I just want
to redouble the effort part of my
commitment to him and I saw and he has
honor I challenge you to do the same I
challenge you to hold yourself to a
higher standard I challenge you to
realize that you’re here for a purpose
there’s something for you to do and be
here for yourself and for others you
can’t just do brother’s not do for
yourself or you won’t be here so this is
really designed to get you to ask
yourself are you being efficient are you
being effective in your life there’s a
big difference if you’re being efficient
then what you’re doing is you’re doing
things right but if you’re being
effective you’re doing the right things
are you doing the things that are gonna
give you the most joy in your life why
are you doing what you’re doing where is
it taking you you know we all need to
have what I call code of conduct a set
of standards we hold ourselves to every
day about how we’re gonna be as people
the kinds of states we’re gonna live in
cuz it’s out of those states that we
expect everyone around us just stop and
think about what’s most important think
about why you’re here what’s the purpose
of your life step out of the moment and
into eternity think about what’s eternal
when you’re feeling insecure start to
realize there is something inside of you
that is never-ending if there’s
something inside of you that is
unchangeable and that’s the part of you
that knows what is right what to do and
why you’re here so you know how that may
sound metaphysical and may sound
religious or spiritual call it whatever
you want
but know that the bottom line is that
you are here for a reason and that it’s
a special reason that only you know and
it may be that you haven’t found it
because you’re looking for something
huge and it may be that you’re living it
right now you’re just not appreciating
your purpose maybe what you’re doing
right now is your life purpose this
thing that you detest most or maybe what
it is doing is giving you the challenge
to really discover something within
yourself that’ll allow you to give and
be more because life is about two things
being and doing how are you gonna be as
a human being I mean ultimately our
destiny is who do we become as people
and what do you do what do you
contribute that’s what it’s about
that’s what gives us a sense of
fulfillment and a life of significance
it’s one of growth and contribution it’s
one you decide what your life’s about
simply are you what are you here for you
here to live to learn to grow to share
to love what are you here for I’m asking
these questions I don’t hope in your
thinking not just listening to me what
is the special plan for you you’ve got
to discover the purpose of your life
there is a plan there’s something here
for you that’s different than anybody
else in the world that you’ve got to
discover what it is and the best way to
discover is just trust your instinct and
say what is if it was simple it was
clear and I was living every day why am
I here because if you never discover
your purpose how can you ever win the
game of life how can you really enjoy it
thoroughly so I look around at people so
often they’re so unhappy and I think the
reason is but they don’t ever win the
game of life it’s a game they feel like
they can’t win like they’re always
losing and the reason number one is I
think there’s seven reasons I’ll give
you seven I’ve jotted some down you I
think number one is I think most people
never win the game of life and never
feel fulfilled I never feel joy because
they don’t know the purpose of the game
if you don’t know the purpose of the
game what’s your chances of ever winning
I’ve ever getting ringing the bell feel
that sense of fulfillment or joy or
passion or love or whatever it is that
you truly want at the deepest level see
if you didn’t dump the purpose the game
you don’t know the goal is pretty hard
to set up your game to win isn’t it
pretty soon you start pursuing things
that don’t give you fulfillment living
somebody else’s wife other than your own
you gotta know what are you doing it all
for
what do you really want and asked most
people this question what do you want
they give me answers like well I know
what I don’t want I don’t want to live
this way anymore I don’t want to feel
like Alan emu whore that’s not gonna
give you what you want what do you
really want oh I want to finally be
financially secure so I can retire great
you know statistics about retirement
actuary is statistics from insurance
companies show the three years after a
man retires specifically I’m using men
guess what happens he dies to retire is
to die and for some people this is like
their major aim think about it
retirements gonna make you happy you
gotta have a purpose you gotta know what
it is you’ve got to decide what it is at
least for now know that that vision will
continue to expand second reason why
most people fail at the game called life
cuz even though they don’t know the
purpose of the game that got tons of
rules about how it must be played they
don’t even know the goal they got all
these rules they gotta live by and not
only did they have rules for themselves
but they have rules for everybody else
around them rules for how their spouse
should be rules about how their boss
should be rules from people they don’t
even know on the street should be you
know it’s so often like we get upset
with other people it’s not about the
other people it’s about our rules
they’re doing something we know they
shouldn’t be doing or they’re not doing
something we know they should be doing
right we need to just relax a little bit
you need to realize that whatever people
are doing they got a reason may not be a
very intelligent reason by our
perspective but who are we to say and
you know what and maybe it isn’t an
intelligent reason by lots of people’s
ideas but you know what is a reason I
mean it all comes down how we wire
ourselves as human beings see whenever
you see somebody you think they’re doing
something crazy have some compassion
are there any stupid things you’ve never
done in your lifetime more crazy
I would hallucinate based on my own
personal experience answer maybe you
betcha
for the bottom line is we got to
understand that things are going on that
we don’t understand with people
remember one time I was talking to
Stephen Covey about times when we
misinterpreted people’s behavior he told
me about this time they got on the
subway and this man walked in and
brought on a bunch of his key
and they were just running rampant
screaming yelling making noise creating
havoc and you know Stevens more of a
mellow centered kind of guy he doesn’t
like the kind of environment even on the
subway and the bottom line is you know
he didn’t want to say anything but I
found stuff getting more and more
irritating the man seemed to be just
ignoring the kids like I mean they mean
matter what they were doing so he found
himself part of the point where he
actually spoke up so Steven turned him
and said you know do you think you might
want to do something about these
children and the man looked at him and
said oh you know I guess I said huh he
said we just got back to the hospital or
their mother just died he said I just
don’t think they know how to deal with
it he said quite honestly neither do I
felt like absolute garbage and he said
it made him from then on and realized
whatever’s going on there may be
something else going on as well me and a
half compassion gave him fewer rules for
other people in his life not a bad idea
but we were talking about people that
don’t succeed in life and I hope they
succeed one they don’t know the purpose
of the game too they got tons of rules
even though they love the purpose how’d
you like to be in a game and you’re
trying to win and you don’t know the
goal and you got a zillion rules you got
to live by it’ll be pretty frustrating
wasn’t it well ads step three to it
here’s the third reason people fail to
win the game of life and that is because
their rules are in conflict we’ve got
all these different special rules where
we contradict ourselves we’re in one
situation you’re supposed to be one way
and another situation is supposed to be
totally different in order to be
effective teams if you got a bunch of
rules in conflict which most of us do
you’re gonna have pain you’re gonna have
frustrations in your life here’s the
fourth reason why most people won’t win
the game of life because even when the
person plays by the rules they don’t
always win leather would you do
everything right you don’t always get
rewarded you give your all you put your
heart and soul align you do everything
right and still sometimes it rains on
your parade sometimes you know a storm
comes down and beat the death out of
your crop all the sudden you’re in the
Midwest when the flood comes and
destroys all you’ve worked on you know
that kind of messes your brain a little
bit you start saying hey you know why
even try there’s no meaning this
everything I do is for naught that’s
worthless
not realizing there’s a deeper meaning
there’s a meaning beyond
the moment that what’s happening in this
life right now this event you can’t
control whether it’s the loss of a
father as Becky has gone through and a
father in law’s I have or there’s loss
of a business or anything that seems to
be a loss is a gain if you ask yourself
how can I use this what else can this
mean if I can’t use it today how will I
use this someday how can I turn this
into opportunity how can I make myself
more how can I use this pain to sculpt
my soul what can I do right now to move
myself forward these are the kinds of
questions or support units that it blows
me why me why just have to happen you’ll
never get an answer to those those
questions will leave you in an endless
loop here’s the fifth reason why most
people fail the game called life
sometimes you break the rules and you
win oh my gosh you do something you know
isn’t right you do something you know
you shouldn’t do something that’s
against your own values against your own
way of doing things and you get pleasure
and your brain goes eh for maybe there’s
some new rules out here maybe I don’t
have to live by these rules after all
when I worked my butt off and did
everything right to help myself the size
standard I got pain I break the rule I
got pleasure maybe this out really wider
maybe out of this like take a look at
like he in this way you know it does it
takes you away from your higher purpose
it takes you away from what’s most
important in your life and while you
might get pleasure in the short term you
give up that sense of dignity within
yourself that says you’re doing the
right thing that’s what the causes more
people to fail in life and I think
almost anything else cuz the ultimate
pleasure in life requires sometimes
short-term pain to get to it and that
ultimate pleasures who you become what
you contribute and the experience of
life that you have because of that
growth and contribution the sixth reason
when most people fail the game called
life is because in order to win this
game you got to work with five and a
half billion other people all have the
wrong rules they don’t know the purpose
of the game either and they are real
clear that there are certain rules you
must live by we all have different rules
because we’ve all learned different ways
of getting out of pain and into pleasure
in life they gotta learn from one
another and finally the seventh reason
why most people fail the game called
life it says they think it’s a life and
death game and you say well it is a life
and death game well I’m the first person
to agree that this is not a practice
session this is the
real thing that’s all gonna live and
fall on but if you think everything is
life and death every moment you put so
much pressure on yourself that you truly
will not live life you’ll live in fear
and that’s no life at all
how do you live life and win the game
well in spite of all the stuff that
sounds so terrible there are people that
seem to be winning seem to be fulfilled
seem to be making different seem to have
a great deal of joy in their life and
they seem to have it consistently and
they’re not doing it through drugs or
alcohol or distraction they’re doing it
through living a life of significance
how they done it they do what we do in
our date with destiny seminar we couple
of seven things in that seminar and I
bring it up because I hope you’ll take
the time and actually come we’ll get
your purpose and your mission statement
and your values all in the exact order
you ideally need them to be so you’re
being pulled adduction you want sitting
pulled in multiple directions but for
right now here’s what we do this is what
we’re gonna start doing on this tape
it’s the first thing these people have
who succeed or fulfilled as they’ve
decided what the purpose of the game is
at least for right now you follow me on
this they said okay I don’t know what
the purpose is ultimately but let me
just decide for right now the purpose of
my life as to what it’s to love and be
loved us to grow it’s to expand us to
make a difference do this let’s do that
they come up with a purpose which is
what I wants to do at the end of this
tape let’s start I know it’s not the end
all and be all for one tape but I want
to get you started on a mission
statement a purpose statement for your
life you got to have that if you don’t
at least have a target you don’t know
what the goal of the game is you don’t
know what to decide to do we have all
these choices all these opportunities so
you have to choose between something
that’s good and bad you have to change
between something that’s good and
something that’s great but if you don’t
know what your purpose is you don’t know
you value most in life you can’t make an
easy decision all decision making is
value clarification if you don’t know
where you’re going then you can get
there by any Road you’re not gonna know
the difference and everything looks like
great opportunity one of the biggest
challenges in life is choosing focusing
your life deciding what to spend your
time on what to spend your energy on
having a clear purpose allows you to do
that the second thing you want to do to
make your life work and those who
succeed do this is they have fewer rules
the more rules you have about how people
have to be and how I’ve has to be for
you to be happy the less happy you’re
gonna be see you know the happiest
those people say you know every day
above ground is a great day Happy’s
people that people find joy in a smile
joy an adventure join a simple action if
you find joy in that area then all the
big things are just a big bonus for you
in your life so when you find yourself
starting to react to something that
someone else has done then you might
want to ask yourself how significant is
this really right is this so bad is it
okay for this person to have a different
opinion a different view of different
feeling than me in this area in most
cases you might say yeah it is what
would you have to believe in order to be
upset that everybody has to live by your
rules
well maybe in some areas that’s real
important you may be cement there’s it’s
not a significant you just let go of it
have a lot less pain the third thing
that people win the game of life seem to
have in common is they’ve made their
rules consistent they found the
conflicts in their life when they find
them they’ve been honest himself and say
this is a total contradiction of what I
normally believe in other areas no more
there’s not I’m gonna live my life for
thing these people do that make them
succeed is they give themself pleasure
whenever they win even when the world
does it this is really important you
gotta realize that sometimes you’ll do
everything right you won’t get
acknowledged so what acknowledged
yourself you got to catch yourself doing
little things right and give yourself
the pleasure you deserve after all if
somebody else tells you hey great job
and that makes you feel good it’s
nothing saying great job that makes you
feel good it’s when they say great job
you stop and say oh that means I get to
feel good and you symbol
neurotransmitter then rouse yourself to
feel the pleasure feeling in your body
why not just give it to yourself so that
you keep yourself on track so you’re
always reinforcing good behaviors
excellent behaviors commitments to your
highest values fifth thing these people
have in common is when they screw up
when they don’t do things right when
they violate their own values they
violate their own sense of purpose and
life they give themselves a short burst
of pain they say this is not who I am I
stand for more they don’t wait to the
world to have to give them pain that’s
why they’re on track the sixth thing
that these people that win have in
common is that they know that everybody
life has different rules and so when
they get in a relationship with people
they know they’ve got to have other
people in our life to help succeed in
particular area they try to find out
their rules because if you know it’s
most important people if you know
their rules for life are what their
musts are in life it’s a lot easier and
lastly people who succeed in life
they’ve learned that life has a purpose
but they also at the same time don’t
take life too seriously
they don’t take themselves too seriously
what’s that old funny metaphor why do
angels fly because they take themselves
lately the bottom line is we’ve got to
look at life in a different way now with
all this conversation we’ve had here
about purpose what are you and I gonna
do right now so that you have a greater
sense of meaning well one is I don’t
need you just go out and create this
grandiose purpose and write pages and
pages and pages I think that the
simplest things can be the most powerful
things so if you can now close your eyes
and think about what you want to be when
you were gonna grow up go back to a time
when you’re 5 6 7 8 9 10 years old but
you want to be back then what you want
to do who are your role models and why
did you want to be then think about it
just for a second your head as I’m
saying this you might want to write a
few these things down in fact pretty
soon you’re definitely gonna want to
write things down so that’d be good to
stop the tape right here and just think
about what your purpose is and pull out
a piece of paper and a pen or a little
computer and let’s work together on this
for a second what were some of the
things you wanted to be when you were
growing up when you’re a little kid I
remember one of the first things I
wanted to be was an archaeologist now
whatever you wanted to be here’s the
question I want to ask you why did you
want to be that in other words what was
the feeling you were hoping to get from
them what were the sensations what were
you wanting to be and do what we wanted
to get from that when I think back on I
think about what I really want to be as
an archaeologist is I wanted to discover
things and that was the biggest thing I
want to discover things that have not
been asked ever before something new
something unique something different
and I wanted to share that with people I
wanted to be a person who went out
discovered and then shared that
discovery with others they know it’s
interesting I’m doing
I’m just not sticking my head in the
sand and doing it I’m doing it by
sticking my head in other people’s
brains and find out what makes them tick
and what find out what makes me tick and
then sharing some of that but that that
feeling that same feeling that I wanted
then I found a way to do it today in a
new way the slight challenge is think
about what was it you really wanted for
that didn’t think of something else you
wanted to be when you’re growing up I
wanted to also be a police artist later
on I remember that you know those guys
that draw those pictures you know and
show people and catch the bad guys and
why did I want to do that what I want to
get from them huh alibis is why la I
wanted to create I want to be creative
and and I wanted to help people I wanted
to help people do the right things I
want to get beat by the payment wanted
that catch bad guys but most importantly
I wanted to create and help people and
guess what I found a way to do that
today different than I originally
thought but the same purpose is there
now maybe it’s not the same purpose for
you for all things you want to do maybe
they have a common thread or maybe
they’re different threads that are
important what else did you want to be
when you’re going up and why did you
want it what feelings did you hope it
would give you what do you hope would
come from it think for a second I’ll
give you another one in mind while
you’re thinking try and trigger you
unless I want to do well I wanted to
definitely be a rock star I wanted to be
able to entertain people to change their
emotional states to use my voice in my
face and my body to give people more
passion in their lives and I found
another way to do that plus I get to
work with some of these people the other
day I got a chance to go to the
Aerosmith concert I kind of grew up
listening to those guys and I found out
the Steven Tyler and some of these guys
are fans of mine as well went backstage
and I met Tim Collins who’s their
manager and he told me a phenomenal
story so that years ago in the early 80s
an Aerosmith was in really bad shape the
guys were hooked on heroin and they were
losing everything financially and the
group had broken up but he decided he’s
gonna turn it around and he read two
books Think and Grow Rich and a little
book called unlimited
power and he said that what he learned
there gave him the inspiration and some
of the tools and strategies that get
himself off heroin and coke and they
need a group intervention and help the
other guys do the same and these guys
are now on a mission they’re totally
clean they’re Evian water drinking guys
that are out there sharing their rock
and roll on their message and they’re
doing healthfully like a chance to meet
Steven Tyler is just an incredible guy
when these guys have been touring for 23
years giving their all passionately
every day feel like they’re brothers and
I was really interesting cuz he said
yeah I watched on TV all the time I feel
like we walk on the same path you know
and he said I listened to your tapes he
said we really have the same mission so
you know do you think you’d get together
us and do a gig for us so what do you
mean he’s like you know the guys on the
weekend you maybe like do your gig for
us so we can all participate on the
weekend as their a laugh and I pinch
myself I said I’m cool now I get to do a
gig for Aerosmith I’m not out there rock
and rolling but sort of I am I’m working
with the rock and rollers as fun so my
point is maybe you’re not doing what you
originally envisioned but maybe you’ll
find a way to do it even better if you have some pain