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what do these people need to get started
why aren’t there starting we all know
the answers here but the difference with
you guys or me or anybody’s followed
through is we’re more afraid of what
life would be like if we don’t follow
through then the person is willing to
settle for what they got and kind of
hope it’ll change and maybe purchase
something for the moment and then not
follow through with it it’s almost like
people overachievers have a little more
fear they’re a little more afraid of
missing out they’re afraid of not being
there or they got a strong enough reason
to follow through so I’d say if you’re
looking at home you want to get somebody
some value go where do I start
I’m sick of this that’s a damn good
place
so because well guess what what makes
people excited progress you don’t have
to be at the goal yet to feel alive
again you have to be progress in the
first of the progress and make a
decision of buying the product but then
don’t do the second step which is open
the damn thing up
but the point preparing for some people
and I think in some cases it’s also a
recognition of who I am and what I’m
capable of so for somebody whose life is
already great this is an ass
what if I could take on another skill it
could break more communes in my life
understand I’m not I’m going to go out
and try and do it all perfectly right
now what I’m going to do for the next
eight weeks I’m going to want can we
play a little ritual I want to do one
thing a day to condition my mind like
two legged stones I fall through I’m
going to be I’m going to listen to
something I’m going to immerse myself
I’m going to go fall and ten stronger
I’m going to go lick wait I’m going to
earth consciously to get that stain I’m
involved with the more because people
followed you will never take second I’m
going to get clear about why this is a
must for me that’s my backing of life
but because I wanna master your life
that’s creating freedom
look remastered overnight but I got the
system I got the client but there one
thing a day I’m gonna work on one
subject a week this week is going to be
about figuring out with the right
product or industry it’s going to be
basic to global traffic each we going to
make a little progress and I’m going to
get to a goal whatever that is I’m going
to make a thousand bucks like theater
bucks new roof I’m going to get to my
twenty five hundred that first twenty
five others must decide
the first $300 I’m a little light came
in this little budget
I remember her supposed to be a truck
driver making twenty four thousand a
year cuz I’ve you make it poke anyway my
family never failed at more testing
you’re welcome proud of another truck
ready because I picked up all of my
thing about my teeth pulled my key
thread 36 grand a year with the goal but
I could make three grand in a month why
did that was out of my mind and then it
was like could I make 10 grand a month
then it was ten grand in a day that 100
grand a day then could I make a million
dollars a day out of the day well made
four hundred million dollars of the day
we stopped by the company took public my
personal stock
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they told me one on stage I have the
body of about 15,000 people for
continental dinner with during a stretch
break are doing they love rocking the
house everyone crazy and it will sponsor
for the 40 million bucks right now
fights to look like okay like knows I’m
stupid look like what’s next and what
right after that I love once you break
through and just become the game the
people that are gained your product did
not get broken screwed okay
the break your happen has position in
your mind every day by eating it a role
model or story if putting yourself at a
peak state you follow through but
getting physically strong it’s creating
a little ritual doing a little bit each
day and then you get momentum and most
importantly long why absolu is it it
must be it doesn’t have to be here
against the wall but it happens to
something that’s totally good but the
only difference between program if
you’re not hungry get around people that
are hungry in so it’ll hit you you watch
the conversation get around people are
doing better and all the sudden you are
going I under 100 I away for
Multi multi village and I’m living with
Bill Maher Kaplan allow that life is
simple
myself before providing for appendages
that Vulcan castle from your mobility
Okinawa
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killing is crap it wasn’t Delmar 10
really was not like unlimited copy
played and all my standards change also
I was a little settle for a lift all the
sudden my back was to the walnut leg as
a man in your capable four people can
change their standards I get around
better the conceives our standard by
getting associated what’s true like Bill
they gotta solve the problems of out of
life or they can do it because they’re
excited because it’s something they want
to take off everyone’s different they
gotta find the wide and they gotta come
up into the daily ritual to get it going
and just a stuff that’s where you come
over so think about what’s the Holy
Grail somebody take an action or not one
word certainly when somebody has
absolutely certain a common word of the
lean I believe in a gentle level or you
can believe a certain we’re an
absolutely certified exist and it get
that resolved ok change my life
you’ll do it do you think absolutely not
going to work you’re never going to do
the middle no man Lana maybe it’ll work
maybe it will that’s the piece that
kills people
all right so if it’s a must for you you
got to make it work right in our case
right this is an example it’s none of us
for you and you’re not sure you don’t
know what to do so I years ago I’d look
around and say okay how do people get
themself to follow through they haven’t
been following through what’s the
difference and I started interviewing
hundreds of people literally and
eventually thousands because I had
thousands of my events so I’d ask the
group to give me the feedback they came
up with his model it’s like the holy
grail of belief or the holy grail of
momentum like the difference between
what makes the rich get richer in the
poor get poorer right
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when I had nothing I already knew I was
driving like Ferraris and Porsches and
stuff because I always wanted those cars
I already knew I was going to have them
it was inevitable right I never – no
that was just my inevitable outcome but
how did you do that did you have a
ritual did you think about it regularly
was it one time you thought about it or
was it something you had an obsession
towards I had obsession towards it I
mean I used to good I weren’t used to
work in a video store which is the last
job I ever had in my life okay God and I
used to go to work almost every day and
I used to bring two magazines with me to
read on my breaks Entrepreneur Magazine
just to read about business and
everything else to read about what other
people are doing with control models and
I used to carry an auto trader with me
and I used to look at Porsches that were
for sale and people always used to ask
me what are you doing with that auto
trader magazine I’m like well I’m just
picking out the Porsche that I’m going
to buy right when I’m which probably got
you a lot of crap I did I think people
made fun of me or actually had a boss at
that job tell me you know you really
shouldn’t do that to yourself John
because it’s very very likely but that
is never going to happen it’s very
likely that you’re never going to have
that talk yeah that’s that’s the kind of
belief he was trying to put in my head
and I was like no you don’t realize that
it’s inevitable that I will drive here
sometime in the near future with that
car when I’m not working for you and
drop movies off for you to put back on
the show and that actually happened and
it was one of the billion days of my
entire life and the great thing was when
I pulled up in this car I was you know I
was in my mid 20 24 hours there was a
Porsche 911 Turbo convertible there was
a beautiful car was what what out yeah
what I always dreamed to happen but you
know for two years that I was circled
the ads which was we’re going to buy
when I finally got it and I pulled up at
the store you know I had all these
people some people are still working at
this $7 now job were there years after I
left and I’ll never forget that even the
boss and stuff and the reaction people’s
like wow that is awesome is that your
dad’s car
and all I said to them was not exactly
and I just smiling his left but it would
you know I just it’s the weirdest thing
but I just knew it was going to hurt you
knew it because I conditioned myself you
think we did oh well Marissa when I was
in high school I was not a popular kid
but I would passion in tennis I’ll ever
get to be able to give particular girls
have a gadget and I wrote in their
journals or they’re you know the annual
yearbook could be out about you know
someday I said you treated me like hell
someday I’ll be rich and famous and
you’ll be an effin truck driver and
you’ll be sitting there I’ll be with my
rig I’ll be beat with this beautiful one
of my life rich and you’ll be watching
me on television thinking you wish you
would have treated me better actually
wrote this in people’s daniels cuz
I went to a ten-year high school reunion
didn’t show me that’s out right but it’s
like I burned the bridges baby has like
their this is how it’s going to be so
I’ll give you a perfect example of this
you know they did studies men even done
it this element where they want to say
how much does the mind of that
performance fatigue basketball I’ve
worked a lot of NBA players in turn
around one of the problems anyone have
is old joke of the free-throw line now
well everybody knows in that case if you
normally shoot really well and now
you’re not pumped in the universe
something get in front of your stink
from uncertainty right obviously like
the emergency we’re going to make a bet
how do you make somebody better to have
this mental block so they take a group
of guys we treat those and they do one
group where they just practice for a
fixative hope we defense practice I
forget the number three girls but they
got to do this mate
take a second group and they have enough
practice at all obvious may take a third
group and they don’t let them touch a
basketball all they do is that in fact
it’s in the moment but the key is not
practice makes perfect
it’s perfect practice makes perfect is
pointing is that bound so these guys see
themselves making a shot every single
pump conditioning your mind and body
that it’s perfect every time they’re not
interrupted by a reality to extrude
button for the end of six weeks they’ve
tallied up and now we have a test with
the you are biased we both respect what
do you guys is going to be able to learn
how this person has obviously it’s not
the guys are getting drafted or which
one is it the mind or the next person in
the body would assume because it’s true
you intuitively know the truth that fact
that things not enough it’s getting
yourself so certain so many times but
now when you go to do it there’s no
hesitancy and you execute it’s having
that absolute certainty it makes you tap
your poll potential to take massive
action get massive results be reinforced
and stronger belief this is what makes
somebody authority
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but anything you want to gene anything
you want to learn master experience
there’s somebody out there who has a
life experience the understanding the
network a capital the thing you need to
be elegida but they’re not going to give
you what they want or their video you
want rather need and so the first give
them what they want be and you’re going
to find out what they want me until you
first get in a relationship before if
you don’t do that you never learn
anything the porous power what is a
relationship the before the poor means
total responsibility someone it’s
totally funny to you you’re totally
funny yet during the war with that
connection if that spark that happens in
certain communications or relationships
now everybody wants to create rapport
have it but most people only get rapport
with people who are like whom themselves
and they lose with everybody else this
means you got a very limited world we
people we feel like we have something in
common with someone there’s a spark now
here’s the problem if rapport is create
imaginative commonality most people try
to get rapport by using words but you’ve
already learned something what
percentage of our communication skills
are words what percentage seven percent
which means you’re leaving out
ninety-three percent of your skills
which is why most people don’t get
rapport with a large number of people
see words don’t always work do that but
there is something that always works to
get rapport and it’s something called
matching and mirroring matching and
mirroring now matching and mirroring
came about 35 years ago when it’s we’ve
all done naturally America our whole
lives but the person who pointed out was
Milton Erickson dr. Erickson was a
genius what he did was he was a medical
doctor but he also was a psychologist
and a hypnotherapist probably the best
that ever lived and people will come to
see him who try to change everything
anywhere else in their life nothing at
work they see him for one session he
handle it and the reason is because he
understood something he understood that
you
but the conscious mind in his
subconscious mind and he knew the
subconscious is more powerful part that
makes your heart beat a hundred thousand
times a day without ever think about so
he knew if he could influence your
subconscious mind he could change
anything and that’s what he did but
here’s how he did it he had polio so he
was in a wheelchair so he spent an
enormous amount of time studying people
and he began to notice something about
human beings that when human beings got
together if they got good rapport
relationship or responsiveness they
became like each other in a variety of
ways what he called they mirrored each
other I thought this for 25 years I’m
sure you’ve heard of it I’ve written to
my books and it’s compiled by different
areas there but one thing to know it
intellectually or the understand it
doesn’t to know it we were doing it
that’s what I want to get you to do
tonight you have a real experience of it
that you won’t forget but here’s the
basis of people like people who are like
who themselves and people don’t like
people not like himself to be more
specific write this down people like
people are like themselves or who are
like how they would like to be
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what is the single most powerful
constraint as to whether or not your
business is going to grow enough what is
it
me meaning the business owner yourself
and the unit business owner the biggest
constraint that you have an impact on is
yourself and if you heard yesterday when
we talked with the collective example
here’s a company that’s growing leaps
and bounds in a multi-billion dollar
business traveling around the world the
economies are tearing apart in many
places and it’s growing but the
constraint that they saw was the vision
of the founder what they were willing to
believe as possible and the great thing
about them is like we didn’t know we
didn’t know it wasn’t possible that’s
very helpful thing not to know just to
go out there and do it how many of you
when you started out business didn’t
know what you couldn’t do and that was
quite helpful they cease your hand say I
me too if I look back at stuff that I
did back then I think my god that’s
unbelievable I can’t believe I would say
that or do that or try that but what’s
interesting is in the beginning of your
business and when people are brand-new
at something they’ll try almost but if
you start to succeed some of you are
later in your life cycle and so as you
start to succeed now you’ve got
something to lose and now you don’t
implement the same level you got
something to maintain that’s something
to hang on to so you have to be cautious
about that but besides your own vision
the limitations of your bleed provision
which hopefully you’ve been expanded
anybody feel like that house or the
community should shut up down here say
hi I know it adds me I can see enough of
the conversations with you you know each
time you hear something you see a
different perspective a different plane
you know my gosh there’s just so many
ways take my vessels next level I don’t
have to wait I have to hope for some
quote good economy the worst economy is
my deepest friend because it’s wiping
out all my competitors and give me an
opportunity to take market share or
become the leader or take their
customers or bathrooms or small
selling of kind of an obscene
connotation because in our culture we
think it fails people we think of high
integrity individuals who have a huge
positive growth on the quality of our
lives tell me the first words you
associate to a salesperson great let’s
come back building for a nice comeback
without manipulator liar three feet
deceptive type of good guy now how many
of you in this room are salespeople in
this case your head if you’re an owner
of a business you better be raising your
hand if you are a parent you better be
raising your head come by the way our
kids great salespeople yes or no I mean
they look to keep them out of your
rejection they just let it happen behind
you coming right you can’t have an ice
cream cone Simmons later they’re looking
on one with a smile on their face right
no one thought of any scraps no one’s
out of anything what I want you to get
is the single most important skill of
life we hate the word selling so I’ll
give you a word that it really is that
doesn’t have a negative connotation it’s
the word that all leaders have only that
word be influenced
what changes companies is leaders the
only way to change the company’s
leadership and I want to change company
that I own I want to make a shift in
that company the number one thing I’m
going to do is shifting leadership that
might be taking years to a different
level by my bring new leaders willing
that by the new leaders of New Voices
with new perspectives with new skill
sets new directions but we need to take
things to the model leaders solve
problems and leaders maximize resources
if you’re going to solve problems you
can’t do it yourself it would already
been solved you have to get others to
help you to do it that requires
influence trail you need to get people
to maximize resources that requires
influence if you’re going to get people
to partner with you provide you
resources capital suppliers anything
that requires influence if you can have
an impact on your kids or your community
or the world that requires influence
there is no more important skill of
leadership than influence and yet most
of us think of it like selling and as a
result we don’t master influence so I’m
not here today to try and get you to
become a master of influence in 45
minutes or so by chatting with you here
because we have so many of the speakers
this is the area of life I am most
focused on because I know that if you
can’t influence you can’t lead but if
you can influence powerfully
intelligently with integrity there’s no
limit to whatever you can envision and
what you can make real and if your
influence becomes not just use the
influence but you’re able to influence
systems people company culture if you
can turn other people into influencers
now whatever you vision about can be
made into reality and so as some
skeleton fluence we’re going to ask
ourselves company agreed leaders will
change companies right hands you adapt
say I and leaders number one still think
onto the green say aye
but then the question becomes how do you
influence how do you influence
consistently with integrity you can
involves many ways you can do without
integrity but the good news is we live
in a world today where whatever you do
it’s transparent to the world because
there are no secrets anymore other I try
to have a secret to need less you you
can forget the secret for the internet
with a culture we have the way the world
is today there are no more secrets and
whatever you think is killed possibly
keep sleeping given three or four more
years it’ll be impossible every phone
call you make is recorded there’s no
single phone call that goes in turnout
in North America but they don’t have a
recording of and they can search by word
by tone by tempo they can even recognize
voices there’s no thing is such thing as
privacy everything you’ve ever put on
the Internet is there forever and people
know it and concerns it the way you
write a searchable map you cannot find
you email you can put on somebody else’s
email and the structure of your language
and the way you’ve influenced things can
be study at the club so the good news
about that is manipulation as a ongoing
tool for success is over but adding
value will never a lot of stock choose
the number bottom spot so influencing
with integrity of the secret but what
really influences people these facts and
figures leave enough facts and figures
out of a for story if I can invoke
people
no it’s deleting that story together in
a way that produces what shifts didn’t
and that’s human emotion ultimately it
gained here is emotional you looked in
this motion we up things with you most
of your people if you’re going to
maximize resources if we all agree as we
talked about the other day it’s not a
lack of resources it’s a lack of what
resourcefulness if you’re creative
enough if you’re pi fulness if you’re
determined enough if you’re focused
enough you can find a way if you’re
giving enough if you’re generous enough
if you’re honest enough if you’re
courageous enough you will get people to
help you you will find the way you will
make that thing happen you’ll access the
resource you get some of the coach you
teach you loan it to you let you try it
drive it experience it so it’s the
ability influence emotion because that’s
what affects our intellect that’s about
them on a core story is only there to
give you a set of facts to educate
someone that will make them emotional up
to make a decision and what they do is
they go through a series of things that
you have the emotions about they may
save them at a non-emotional way but the
only reason they work is because you
know they’re going to open the person’s
emotion I want to agree with you on the
staff so as leaders we can never forget
they humans are emotional creatures
including ourselves and the influence
other people we have to know what
already influence of them we can’t ever
forget what truly enforces them it’s
going to come down to our ability to
connect with them in a deep emotional
level or get others to do say here’s how
I say it a really simple term to
influence someone you have to already be
influenced
right to move somebody you better be
moved to touch somebody you can’t touch
somebody about your product or service
or vision right here your company if
you’re not done to persuade the others
you have to be persuaded
you can’t give somebody else but you
don’t have now you may have an
intellectually here’s the challenge they
first meet somebody in your relationship
and you’re all excited what’s a little
energy like zero to ten make the sound
of that energy meet some of your totally
excited by linked to that six month six
years twenty years later that’s area two
and it’s not time because there are
people and thought I deliver then
together sixty-five years and they’re
still out of their mind for each other
they make the female annoyed as you did
at the beginning here what changes is
very often when you’re around something
enough I don’t care what it is there’s a
log of a wall familiarity walk familiar
this is this if you’re on something
enough you take it just a little bit for
granted
and doesn’t matter what it is it’s not
that you don’t care see it used to it
it’s that the variety of it it’s not
quite as high it’s not so new and with
that sometimes give it less significant
even though in your heart you know it’s
a difficult you don’t keep the aliveness
up it becomes simply the intellectualize
versus something you feel and find your
body with a passion so then people say
but we love each other now hold up great
hug each other every now and then if
they love it you can look if like that
is that outlook look any
no it is in time is that most people
don’t understand that this emotion this
intensity this passion has to be
constantly reinforced every single day
and like any muscle if you don’t use it
you so then you have the base
understanding why you do what you do but
you lost the energy that makes it alive
and so if you’re going to be touching
people you gotta be types of than the
question is how do we influence
ourselves how do we influence other
people we got to get them into their
emotions we got to get ourselves into
the emotions they’re going to move us to
action we can’t do that ongoing because
otherwise all the stuff you go down will
die it’ll die in your book it’ll die in
your head it has to be a level of
emotion level hungering you that makes
you go follow through there’s got to be
a level of energy knew that when you go
share with people you’re able to
influence them to follow through and
then when they don’t do it enough to get
back in there with them again and get
them to do it again this is where the
whole game gets won or lost
so we got a look at it first of all us
how many do you have days when you wake
up if you like I don’t want to talk to
people today how many got things like
this in your life say I but again as I
said the other day if you’re the leader
you don’t have that choice you’re the
leader you have to get in a good state
if your leader you have to get yourself
in that place and how many of you have
had some context you see again in the
last six months 12 months in your
business with economic on any changing
that has never changed before I’m the
ghazals that’s that’s AI so what do we
do we have to become masters of
influence which means we have to be able
to master the state of our own
organization the master state of our own
organization going to know how to change
that house outfit that’s how fast and
where does it have to start ourselves
since were the first constraint and if
we can do with ourselves and influence
and we can teach everybody else to
influence we’ve said business is
innovation and marketing you have to
influence people to innovate because
we’re not going to just do it because
they’re used to what works and it’s
easier and they know it innovation means
massive what change how many people go
give me more massive change in my life
with all the other things I’m trying to
hang on to they’re not going to do that
you have to influence people’s innovate
and marketing is influenced so what
influences us is our state’s how do we
change our state’s let’s start with you
and I and with anybody able to work like
you work with me before you know the
first answer you’re going to change
somebody state the fastest way to do it
is physical trying to change somebody’s
mind is really hard change their body
their mind will go you doubt it give
somebody enough alcohol and just see how
quickly you can change them true even if
alcohol I don’t care who they are
they’re going to change what are you
changing biochemistry physiology
physical body and the emotion the mind
will shift why people take drugs it’s
why people eat when they go E it’s a
biochemical change in your body so but
we can do this through movement we can
prove this to change so if you want to
be the leader and you’re going to be
effective
first thing I’d say ology going home so
you don’t feel overwhelmed if you need
to develop a ongoing discipline as we
all are rituals I mean a physical one if
you want to say well why is my life the
way it is today look at your rituals
what do you call them rituals are not
you have it most of you get up and you
have a set of rituals you’ll straight to
email or you’ll say work out or you go
out to breakfast or you hit the snooze
alarm at least three times to ritual you
know what I’m talking about here and if
you want to know what somebody’s like
you can see the rituals
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if you want to transfer me business
transform you by creating first if you
don’t already have one instead of
physical rituals that you’re not going
to live I don’t care at three days a
week four days weeks something’s going
to make you physically strong because in
a place where it was going to be a lot
of fear the way you deal with crisis is
number one thing is to speed your mind
and you’re doing that get yourself new
answers immerse yourself in new
environment get new voices have new
perspectives after new questions is that
we’ve been going here
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you can start your morning with
everybody you’re going to bring in and
get some little audio clip of something
from a movie or something
that blasts across the room and have
anybody standard attention you’re going
to do some crazy stuff if you’re smart
rubber Zappos can see what they do they
got the most crazy stuff going on there
all the stuff that I do in seminars they
do every day at their location with
their people and people can’t wait to
get the work in there in a certain state
so if i were you i feed my mind you’re
doing that and then condition my body
because your body is going to give you
the strength to follow through there’s
nobody to assume can afford to do that
and i don’t care if that’s going for a
walk and as you’re doing the walk you’re
doing what I call my hour of power or 15
minutes you know to thrive where you’re
just putting yourself in state may be
doing incantations you got to do
something they get the blood moving
through you on a consistent basis and
once while it’s really pushing you
beyond your comfort zone so when you get
beyond your comfort zone in your mental
side there’s already a reservoir there
we also been talking about your say I so
feed your mind feed your mind the
information feed your mind with examples
in the stories part of why you here is
good for you to see all these people
that are succeeding it’ll go read some
other biographies but feed your mind
every day condition your body every day
and then the third thing has become a
master of influence by asking the right
questions that’s what I want to talk to
you that questions are the answer you
want new answers for your life you need
new questions you’re not getting through
to somebody the answer is getting
through to them is not to talk more it’s
to ask them more it’s to get underneath
this to discover never I said the other
day to influence another human being you
have to know what already what
influences them you can’t do that by
talking to them if I tell you something
you can doubt it but if you tell me by
my ESP question you tell me how it is
it’s true that’s the basis of influence
for those who are more sophisticated but
lots of we thin phones you can tell
stories and metaphors you can influence
by example you can influence by rewards
or by paying but the fastest way to
influence is to get inside of somebody
by questions questions are the answer
right our experiences we’ve experienced
life we experience our association to
whatever we’re stimulated by so if I
said to you I want to tell you a story
about my senior year in high school and
I started telling you about my senior in
high school and there was this girl that
I was sold in love with now by the way I
can go on and on but you’re not
experiencing my story you’re
experiencing your story you invest the
high school as soon as I start to tell
it then you’re experiencing somebody you
were interested in very quickly you’re
going for a reference point you can
relate to how many when I’m talking
about it if I want you to think about
your mother all I got to talk about mine
because the only way you understand
things if I threaten singing so
questions caused you to go inside and
reference things
[Music]
everybody has a need for variety we all
have a need to feel like there’s a
surprise in our life we are love
surprises and say I do you like the
surprises you want
the surprises you don’t want you call
problems in the true but you need those
do to go live see you like surprises
that you’re certain you’re not sure
going to happen but if they do you’re
certain it’ll feel good
isn’t it true so people need for
certainty they need uncertainty needs
variety they need stimulation people
need to feel significant to feel you
need to feel special to feel important
if you know people need that need trust
me
the world is yours remember many years
ago I skied when his good friend in mind
I love him he’s one of those brilliant
people I know he’s not only a genius
entrepreneur but he is an artist
he’s one of most creative people Steve
could talk about this this lectern and
he could make it the most make and he
could eat and just describe things the
way they’re just unbelievable so we’re
having dinner the very first time we
ever met there was New Year’s one year
and fireworks went off in he and Island
totally into it and we’re talking about
influence that this is the ultimate
skill in life of any business owner and
that that’s his only job is influence he
creates things he loves that
I’m cradle this guess how valuable this
is if I can’t influence you that it’s
valuable for you zero it dies it stays
in my house
so we’re describing this a describing a
fiction the need certainty and
uncertainty and lit up the significance
he lit up like a Christmas tree
billions in ordering billions of dollars
that’s the one to give people if you
give them the link buying your product
makes them more significant they’ll
spend clean
did you think about it people get these
little handbags womenís handbags and he
said they cost nothing to make maybe
thousands of dollars because it gets up
these initials on it it’s not even a
better I can show you one that’s made it
across 1/100 of the price one tenth of
the price when he dumped the wedge and
then the Encore to point five point two
point seven billion dollars for hotel I
guess what when everybody else is
freaking out you go over the wind right
now it’s lower because the people who
want to be known as the best I’ve got to
go to the best place that’s neat
structure honorable Cortney connection
in love everybody needs connects
everybody needs love that all we want
that significance or that we think of a
significant enough people love us if I’m
worth it if I’m enough but I’ve
beautiful enough strong enough smart and
original and tell us enough playful not
funny enough something enough then I’ll
be loved so if you’re going to influence
somebody you got to know what’s
influencing in them is the need for
certainty when you talk about change you
just mess with that true because me for
uncertainty but you got to fill not as a
positive but certainly a variety they
need to feel significant and gosh what
do you bring this new thing into change
and it doesn’t work out as well for me I
feel stupid I look like I failed at the
one significant well gosh I don’t know
if I’ll even love myself if this doesn’t
go well how many follow the pattern of
what people get concerned about right so
these first four needs everybody finds a
way to meet even if they have to blame
somebody else or work really hard or
make up a story in their head everybody
finds a way to take certain every finds
a way that variety really has a way to
be significant as a way to feel least
connected if not loved but ultimately
the final two needs is everyone has to
grow then we talked about this first day
progress equals happiness if you grow
you feel alive if you don’t grow you
feel like you’re dying and so the end of
people peep out this need for growth and
if they feel like they’re growing with
you remember I said you can use fear to
motivate them that will work for a while
you can easily Santa’s that’ll work for
a long time too but there is a limit to
incentives
makes people feel fully alive long-term
is they feel happy because they’re
growing they’re expanding everyone Tony
talked about how they took the same
process of becoming a buyer for Zappos
do they broke it into more steps still
two years but you were by our level a by
a higher qualified level D that will see
leavel I guess I made it progress growth
to finally with the last need
contribution and you heard him many
others talk about and you’ve seen the
people here that are most successful
feel like what they’re doing has a
meaning beyond themselves I’m reminding
you of these six needs very quickly here
because if you and I are going to
influence other people we have to know
what all the influences are and of those
six needs who’s that who has who has all
six of these needs which is that
everyone who here has a need to be loved
at some level of the emitter or at least
connected say I Liam needs to feel
unique special important significant
Israel’s AI including the people I don’t
need to be special no no I don’t I don’t
need that I’m a Christian or I’m a Jew
or I’m a Muslim
or I’m not religious I’m spiritual they
find a way to be unique everybody needs
this it’s human nature so we need all
these needs to be met but we don’t need
them all equally we’ve learned the value
of some of these six more than others
some value certainly more than anything
else and so they live their lives trying
to meet that need and if you can’t
convince them how exciting this new
projects going to be you just messed up
totally what you got to tell them as you
know what if we don’t change this
utilize what’s going to happen do you
think that what we have right now
certain solid you can understand this is
evaporating between us if you and I are
gonna have any surgery at all this is
what we must do immediately I mean like
let’s make it happen
right if you know somebody who’s more
variety driven some people the top of
the list they all want certainty they
all want uncertainty we all want them
all we have tend to have two that we
value more than any others those two are
the driving force in a person so
somebody’s variety driven and you go
okay we’re going to keep doing these
same things because we got to keep
fundamentally doing these elements and
the changes we’re making you’re not that
big because you’re trying to convince
people so that they won’t be too fearful
you lost that person you have to pull
them aside they love you might
understand something here this is an
entirely new game
[Music]
[Music]
I did this with my daughter I’ll never
forget my daughter Jolie always wanted
to be a dancer on Broadway and she was
very talented horse I’m her father
I of course she’s talented right but at
one point she’s gone to college and when
really well she’s based in Los Angeles
and she was winning all these dance
competitions as keyboard for Christmas
they were sitting down and I said to her
this question is said honey how are you
doing on your dream and she said what do
you mean suppose our undulate score got
straight A’s and I’m bummed and positive
I said I know but I want to know how you
do it on your dream I didn’t tell her
how she was doing on the train if all
the different here I guess the jolly I’m
concerned we’ve got straight A’s in
school and you’re doing great dance
classes but you’re not focusing on your
dream I don’t think your dreams coming
about I start out with that would work I
got a house make her break her own what
break or what what do you mean I said
your dream you know what it is what is
it also goes well of course the dance on
Broadway
I said uh-huh and what are you doing she
goes why I’m going to school got
straight A’s and I’m dancing I said are
you dancing against people you’re better
than or people that are better than you
so you think your answer was I’m better
than them I said of course because
you’re winning every time that’s a clue
so my question is how do you get better
playing against people you’re better
than if you go out on a tennis court and
you play against somebody that’s twice
as good as you are even if you’re lousy
tennis player are you going to get
better or worse playing against them as
time goes by which one you have to just
to stay on the court if you sit across
from somebody whose skill set is lower
than yours even though you want to
practice ours you can
what’s going to happen your game
eventually it’s going to go dead is
watcher processes now if I said to her
you need to leave California move to New
York and compete with other people that
probably wouldn’t work too well but I
start out with high you don’t like a
dream and then I got to say what does it
be really I hear what the answer was
by the way that that’s what influence
people if you’re trying to serve them as
you better know what you want to take
them towards as a leader I got to know
where I’m going to take you that’s my
job if you’re a parent and you’re not
leading you keep leading you you know
much of a parent that doesn’t mean your
kids can’t afford you but there are
points in life you have to lead them you
lead anyone where he was long as you
know what the outcome is he has to my
questions
I can take a deck of cards have you take
out any card see with the card in it and
I can lead to that card you break out
for example the Ace of Hearts the King
of Hearts and I say to you we miss a
question that the cards has 52 cards in
it they’re broken up into four different
suits aren’t they darling
[Music]
what are them
[Music]
several patients think of those pick one
pick one
[Music]
Marconi won’t be quiet okay
and that’s the only way they’ll all say
if you never stay I’ll see the back
leave until we finally get dark right
and then I’ll say others hearts you know
there’s one aside for than the other
level is that I can lead you and welcome
to get you to say the King of Hearts of
the a I’m going to take you ever want to
go present but I better know first so I
say to her I’m completing these people
till you’re better than strongly develop
them on your fancy taking are you going
to get better rap making new connections
and a half new new node watch this new
belief she says well no I’m not
I submission another question what’s the
lifecycle on a Daniken mean can you be
the answer when you’re forty start when
you’re 40 35 make it on Broadway she
goes no handheld are you really how you
know why I said oh just tell you now 21
I said we win would now be a good time
for you to start
now oh yeah it’s good idea so what do
you mean I said honey everything I’ve
done in my life has been dazed by
modeling but also there’s something in
me that most people not realize is
really made me successful that’s a sense
of urgency I do not sell I do not wait
you wait and it’s over if you allow
something to distract you
[Music]
and I said
that’s called utilization by the way I
will tell you this inside with reader
skills in your life as an influencer is
I call utilization which is whatever
happens that’s the greatest gift you can
give yourself in business in life
whatever happens use it you’re aware
that whatever happens is always an asset
to your outcome if you have to believe
it’s always an asset I just need to have
a go to use it then everything in life
plays to you it might be another
metaphor with Tony for examples talked
about when he had those people take the
test am i lucky extremely lucky too
unlucky remember that ironically the
people that I think they’re extremely
lucky have a different life I’m going to
light because they utilize everything
they see everything is to their
advantage
anyway but my daughter basically what I
said to her was honey I want you to get
you think I’m a genius and I said and I
am but I said my deepest genius is
urgency I am one hungry mouth oh I will
not let an opportunity pass me by I will
not see something as possible go well
I’ll try that later I grabbed it I
grabbed it ripened by the hair I crush
it I go after it it isn’t just talent
comedy not only the people do you know
who have unbelievable talent but they
never live their dream how many people
you know that are brilliant and are
proud all right you know that I’m
feeling degree is an education we can’t
find the way to prevent the ball
I see on this tablet not going to happen
there’s not much time
21 years old I said whoa honey how am I
ever succeed what do you see me do is
the secret to me compressing decades in
today modeling I said that’s right I
find the best of the best
I won’t some of life ordinary that’s
that’s a pretty good somebody’s the
dairy basket and I go figure out
everything they do so I think first
decades of the day you need to go model
or work with the best person in your
industry in the world happens to be in
New York and it trains them and depend
on us the model something you got to
take care of what my bring this of what
you double your model Celia but if you
don’t do anything with this overs are
going to happen so I said you don’t take
massive action she says well what he is
proposing I’m saying I say leave schools
move to New York go into training I will
pay for the training is long enough a
full-time job paying for your housing
because I want to be working actors if
one is going on auditions you can’t just
look Spain and work your way partitions
to you do that all day for you to be
able to call them okay you’re training
you figure out absolutely scary after a
while I have loved ones I do this goes
under middle school it would now be a
good time
choose you mean like right now except
what do you think she says in the middle
of school year I said yes
she said but you’re the one who told me
to go to college at that I was wrong
I said it was along about Collins and
let you go to college not straight ace
and you can go back to do that later
you’re not going to run out of time to
go to college you are losing your
credits but you’re running out of time
to become a dancer I don’t know if that
your that skill I think you’re gifted
but I’m your father
of course I think you’re gifted you
could be oddly I still think you’re
beautiful
all right so I said the only we’re going
to know is if you get in it because I
said there’s one of those I don’t ever
want you to have in your life my girl
that’s correct
that’s the news I won’t ever have that’s
a few if I can help you from not having
it that’s what I’m talking you right now
and if you don’t take this shot now you
tell me what level regret you might have
later of us
right here I will stay by your door
this institution
so guess what she said to me if you mind
have asked anybody else their opinion
who are you thinking up and she said no
dad she was divorced I respect her being
with you boys off me
go to the area with mr. greatest expert
she said the greatest experts are people
in the business I said to write who do
you think enough she said models think
as soon so as gentlemen was that CAA was
a good friend of mine and she knew him
he’s for the thought I said he that
brilliant idea I said of smart you to do
them check it out ok I said win
she said now in return now be with us so
she went over in the other room and as
you go through the room he’s my friend I
call him I didn’t air wise for a 3-star
love it’s time to go I only have 30
second pocket only here’s the deal you
know of innocence here straight eighth
or that of course will be log that’s
where dancing isn’t you need to be in
proximity doesn’t seep our community’s
knowledge through our president about my
tour is not likely to right that’s right
oh is that bike
[Music]
your breakfasts welcome to the flavors
bears after he’s going busy
I love the voice man so I said honey
don’t leave a boy here come back again
you know any thermal idols but I thought
I’m very certain since Lori talked on
the phone like Alan had come back from
Laos later dad I think there’s
conversation it was the right thing to
do and he says it’s absolutely right and
talked about why and how and all those
things as I said no their greatest if
you can’t be you know prophet in your
own land they gets around the air I took
my little sunshine girl who was used to
living in Southern California and going
to the beach I took her to New York
during one of the worst winters New York
had had in like 15 years and put her in
this crappy little apartment
deliberately so I want her to be hungry
all right and sure enough she went and
she James unbelievable people and she
kept going up one of these things and
less than six months later she called me
up at one time and she said dad just
have a little surprise for you when you
come to New York and I told him if she’s
okay I wanted to get from the airport
sure enough I get the airport she’s not
there but there’s a car there for me
little note status that will surprise in
some case I get the car
hoots I see my daughter a car drives by
our apartment and we go down to downtown
Broadway they pull up in front of a
place and there’s a play called Tommy if
you remember that classic play right and
on the headlines I see my daughter’s
name within six months was on Broadway
whole thing happened it’s not
[Music]
you mislead your children you mislead
yourself to mislead your business which
means you can lay down woof foundation
principles distinctions you can tell
stories you can give examples but
ultimately you must ask for the order
you must ask for the action and you must
ask in a way where they’re already
convinced because they know it’s right
inside of them not because of the power
of your personality
because the power of your personality
will go away let’s see when I went away
he already owned all this how many
follow difference here say I plus you’ll
learn a lot you’ll learn you’ll find out
I’m trying to influence this them they
may not be right maybe the other thing
is some mixture between where I thought
and they thought you’ll find that by
asking questions the kids just ask
questions are you’re only trying to get
to the outcome you got to be half of the
overall outcome you got to be open to
what’s happening ASCII back along the
way and you got to know what people need
certainty variety significance
connection and love reynolds
contribution and you got to know which
one of those they value most to get
their attention
they have start with what they value not
will you value see most people think
influencing someone is getting them to
do something well if I said somebody
here okay I’ll give a million dollars
the first person up here who’s naked
within the next 15 seconds trust me
that’s not influence any idiot can pull
that off that’s a bribe and that’s what
some of you deal with the people you man
that you try to bribe them and you will
look how well they’re doing for a while
until that gets old
so being naked gets all their a million
dollars get a million dollars gets all
he goes my dr. Nadia yes every say no
million dollarsí squat whatever they
around get familiar with it loses its
intangible quality so you have to be
constantly thinking this games and how
to meet these people need you gotta use
questions do it mostly got ask equality
questions of my friends who first Alice
if you want to get yourself in state
every day what do you feel feed your
mind what are you gonna do conditional
model to give you an ass better not not
only going to survive economic downturn
that’s a kinda question you have john
callen didn’t feel like every delivery
forgiveth they should not become
updating answers so what’s the most
pressure well in my own life I wanted to
ask question of them are very helpful
email her chest wall instead of Fang
Hagen exam I never was on the road I’ve
been 102 these days well on the road 100
those days I’ve been on the stage my
voice would thought my body was gone
convinced link I do not like this where
it’s because percentage errors and the
casual departmental hours 50 hours
getting you know day and we can’t spam
and they have the BAM and then the whole
time between the flying $12 crazy my god
I would burn out typically involve an
other than something called life that is
obviously the days before email because
I bought a hundred phone calls or
villages parisa as I hundred phone calls
and even the brushes after Italy like
what the hell the madam of my life how
do they end up in this bed our way of
living in a tip now before the castle
head within the ocean in Del Mar
California Las Vegas myself but can you
empathize yourself and questions yes to
no questions of presuppositions by
communicating the other day and said
well you know how can I do this in have
been possible but maybe is everything so
how can i double my business friend you
know no one is buying anything anymore
well if you ask the question built with
a negative least the position you’re in
pain we have a better question I sent to
a minister out any other person’s good
Sultan is there any of a service you
could play is there any of the market
that exists in the world with them
giving you answers that you have to do
but we have two same questions over and
over again so I have this happen to me
and why didn’t why these people why do i
why do i have to respond all these
people than what i did and i realized to
change my state no one thinks water was
dehydrated should my body out serum into
first i’m going to just go for the rod
ones with ron got my body changed in the
state change new focus came with new
questions i started thinking you know
what I would have died to have some of
these people call me you know four or
five years ago one of the present United
States on the list not only the guy is
now one of my dearest friends that I
remember I used to be a fan of this
man’s just a genius of a man to now some
of my best friends and so I asked myself
how do they get so lucky to get these
people in my life how’d I get so lucky
to have 100 people want to talk to me in
a day there was a time I can remember an
appearance graphic bachelor apartment in
Venice California when I heard the song
I am I said and no one heard not even
the chair
and I mess that there were tears
thinking my life had no meaning
better than nothing and no wine
sometimes it’s good ask the questions
remind you that whatever you think is
stressful today was something you would
have dreamed about it 1000 damn for
rounding in the background to Memphis
useful remember your bathroom class
myself okay why do I want to call this
nice fat they’re a piece of position
there yes or no what would be great
about all these cables out choice an
accent when I catch up with tier V paint
pretty soon
instead of having to do it does the
state you do something in effect the
people you deal with yes or no your
stays inspected by what you focus on
what you focus on is control my
questions
so then I thought that question said
populating all of these phone calls in
enjoy the process mr. beinac sitting
down we all crunched up or they’re
talking talking talking not breathing
not eat not anything under golf
they looked album Adele’s I saw that
outside the sunny beautiful day and they
were sitting between your own jacuzzi
overlooking the ocean let that song
called everybody from the jacuzzi
Gavaskar bus how could I maybe thought
and totally enjoy the process
I think the F is like if you keep a
secret
after you shall but you got to ask
consistently and you got asking to stay
– certainly not like we’re literally do
how could I make this call call joy when
I’m gonna call jacuzzi
overlooking the ocean if I wasn’t making
the calls ever ID so why wait
so I took my little list down I got
myself my numbers up over my little
fingers oh now tonight I found that
people talk and laugh and little I was
calling everybody and the boy called him
to cuddle up on things then go get or
what pour wanna share with them I mean
all the calls and image everyone is
reachable by I mean all call them
possibly make organ that Jacuzzi left me
I was Nick email like over Michaels
4,000 years old I was so relaxed
can I have the best time and all
prog-rock agents about the better life
you want to influence somebody has a
better question
the Probie
if you’re the problem you will have a
problem with that
methane what’s your question
because all you’re saying when you’re
the problem is there’s a question that
you have that’s not been answered
problems are really question if not an
answer but when you state them not as a
question you forget that you’re out
there answer
[Music]
you
[Music]
what do these people need to get started
why aren’t there starting we all know
the answers here but the difference with
you guys or me or anybody’s followed
through is we’re more afraid of what
life would be like if we don’t follow
through then the person is willing to
settle for what they got and kind of
hope it’ll change and maybe purchase
something for the moment and then not
follow through with it it’s almost like
people overachievers have a little more
fear they’re a little more afraid of
missing out they’re afraid of not being
there or they got a strong enough reason
to follow through so I’d say if you’re
looking at home you want to get somebody
some value go where do I start
I’m sick of this that’s a damn good
place
so because well guess what what makes
people excited progress you don’t have
to be at the goal yet to feel alive
again you have to be progress in the
first of the progress and make a
decision of buying the product but then
don’t do the second step which is open
the damn thing up
but the point preparing for some people
and I think in some cases it’s also a
recognition of who I am and what I’m
capable of so for somebody whose life is
already great this is an ass
what if I could take on another skill it
could break more communes in my life
understand I’m not I’m going to go out
and try and do it all perfectly right
now what I’m going to do for the next
eight weeks I’m going to want can we
play a little ritual I want to do one
thing a day to condition my mind like
two legged stones I fall through I’m
going to be I’m going to listen to
something I’m going to immerse myself
I’m going to go fall and ten stronger
I’m going to go lick wait I’m going to
earth consciously to get that stain I’m
involved with the more because people
followed you will never take second I’m
going to get clear about why this is a
must for me that’s my backing of life
but because I wanna master your life
that’s creating freedom
look remastered overnight but I got the
system I got the client but there one
thing a day I’m gonna work on one
subject a week this week is going to be
about figuring out with the right
product or industry it’s going to be
basic to global traffic each we going to
make a little progress and I’m going to
get to a goal whatever that is I’m going
to make a thousand bucks like theater
bucks new roof I’m going to get to my
twenty five hundred that first twenty
five others must decide
the first $300 I’m a little light came
in this little budget
I remember her supposed to be a truck
driver making twenty four thousand a
year cuz I’ve you make it poke anyway my
family never failed at more testing
you’re welcome proud of another truck
ready because I picked up all of my
thing about my teeth pulled my key
thread 36 grand a year with the goal but
I could make three grand in a month why
did that was out of my mind and then it
was like could I make 10 grand a month
then it was ten grand in a day that 100
grand a day then could I make a million
dollars a day out of the day well made
four hundred million dollars of the day
we stopped by the company took public my
personal stock
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[Music]
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they told me one on stage I have the
body of about 15,000 people for
continental dinner with during a stretch
break are doing they love rocking the
house everyone crazy and it will sponsor
for the 40 million bucks right now
fights to look like okay like knows I’m
stupid look like what’s next and what
right after that I love once you break
through and just become the game the
people that are gained your product did
not get broken screwed okay
the break your happen has position in
your mind every day by eating it a role
model or story if putting yourself at a
peak state you follow through but
getting physically strong it’s creating
a little ritual doing a little bit each
day and then you get momentum and most
importantly long why absolu is it it
must be it doesn’t have to be here
against the wall but it happens to
something that’s totally good but the
only difference between program if
you’re not hungry get around people that
are hungry in so it’ll hit you you watch
the conversation get around people are
doing better and all the sudden you are
going I under 100 I away for
Multi multi village and I’m living with
Bill Maher Kaplan allow that life is
simple
myself before providing for appendages
that Vulcan castle from your mobility
Okinawa
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killing is crap it wasn’t Delmar 10
really was not like unlimited copy
played and all my standards change also
I was a little settle for a lift all the
sudden my back was to the walnut leg as
a man in your capable four people can
change their standards I get around
better the conceives our standard by
getting associated what’s true like Bill
they gotta solve the problems of out of
life or they can do it because they’re
excited because it’s something they want
to take off everyone’s different they
gotta find the wide and they gotta come
up into the daily ritual to get it going
and just a stuff that’s where you come
over so think about what’s the Holy
Grail somebody take an action or not one
word certainly when somebody has
absolutely certain a common word of the
lean I believe in a gentle level or you
can believe a certain we’re an
absolutely certified exist and it get
that resolved ok change my life
you’ll do it do you think absolutely not
going to work you’re never going to do
the middle no man Lana maybe it’ll work
maybe it will that’s the piece that
kills people
all right so if it’s a must for you you
got to make it work right in our case
right this is an example it’s none of us
for you and you’re not sure you don’t
know what to do so I years ago I’d look
around and say okay how do people get
themself to follow through they haven’t
been following through what’s the
difference and I started interviewing
hundreds of people literally and
eventually thousands because I had
thousands of my events so I’d ask the
group to give me the feedback they came
up with his model it’s like the holy
grail of belief or the holy grail of
momentum like the difference between
what makes the rich get richer in the
poor get poorer right
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when I had nothing I already knew I was
driving like Ferraris and Porsches and
stuff because I always wanted those cars
I already knew I was going to have them
it was inevitable right I never – no
that was just my inevitable outcome but
how did you do that did you have a
ritual did you think about it regularly
was it one time you thought about it or
was it something you had an obsession
towards I had obsession towards it I
mean I used to good I weren’t used to
work in a video store which is the last
job I ever had in my life okay God and I
used to go to work almost every day and
I used to bring two magazines with me to
read on my breaks Entrepreneur Magazine
just to read about business and
everything else to read about what other
people are doing with control models and
I used to carry an auto trader with me
and I used to look at Porsches that were
for sale and people always used to ask
me what are you doing with that auto
trader magazine I’m like well I’m just
picking out the Porsche that I’m going
to buy right when I’m which probably got
you a lot of crap I did I think people
made fun of me or actually had a boss at
that job tell me you know you really
shouldn’t do that to yourself John
because it’s very very likely but that
is never going to happen it’s very
likely that you’re never going to have
that talk yeah that’s that’s the kind of
belief he was trying to put in my head
and I was like no you don’t realize that
it’s inevitable that I will drive here
sometime in the near future with that
car when I’m not working for you and
drop movies off for you to put back on
the show and that actually happened and
it was one of the billion days of my
entire life and the great thing was when
I pulled up in this car I was you know I
was in my mid 20 24 hours there was a
Porsche 911 Turbo convertible there was
a beautiful car was what what out yeah
what I always dreamed to happen but you
know for two years that I was circled
the ads which was we’re going to buy
when I finally got it and I pulled up at
the store you know I had all these
people some people are still working at
this $7 now job were there years after I
left and I’ll never forget that even the
boss and stuff and the reaction people’s
like wow that is awesome is that your
dad’s car
and all I said to them was not exactly
and I just smiling his left but it would
you know I just it’s the weirdest thing
but I just knew it was going to hurt you
knew it because I conditioned myself you
think we did oh well Marissa when I was
in high school I was not a popular kid
but I would passion in tennis I’ll ever
get to be able to give particular girls
have a gadget and I wrote in their
journals or they’re you know the annual
yearbook could be out about you know
someday I said you treated me like hell
someday I’ll be rich and famous and
you’ll be an effin truck driver and
you’ll be sitting there I’ll be with my
rig I’ll be beat with this beautiful one
of my life rich and you’ll be watching
me on television thinking you wish you
would have treated me better actually
wrote this in people’s daniels cuz
I went to a ten-year high school reunion
didn’t show me that’s out right but it’s
like I burned the bridges baby has like
their this is how it’s going to be so
I’ll give you a perfect example of this
you know they did studies men even done
it this element where they want to say
how much does the mind of that
performance fatigue basketball I’ve
worked a lot of NBA players in turn
around one of the problems anyone have
is old joke of the free-throw line now
well everybody knows in that case if you
normally shoot really well and now
you’re not pumped in the universe
something get in front of your stink
from uncertainty right obviously like
the emergency we’re going to make a bet
how do you make somebody better to have
this mental block so they take a group
of guys we treat those and they do one
group where they just practice for a
fixative hope we defense practice I
forget the number three girls but they
got to do this mate
take a second group and they have enough
practice at all obvious may take a third
group and they don’t let them touch a
basketball all they do is that in fact
it’s in the moment but the key is not
practice makes perfect
it’s perfect practice makes perfect is
pointing is that bound so these guys see
themselves making a shot every single
pump conditioning your mind and body
that it’s perfect every time they’re not
interrupted by a reality to extrude
button for the end of six weeks they’ve
tallied up and now we have a test with
the you are biased we both respect what
do you guys is going to be able to learn
how this person has obviously it’s not
the guys are getting drafted or which
one is it the mind or the next person in
the body would assume because it’s true
you intuitively know the truth that fact
that things not enough it’s getting
yourself so certain so many times but
now when you go to do it there’s no
hesitancy and you execute it’s having
that absolute certainty it makes you tap
your poll potential to take massive
action get massive results be reinforced
and stronger belief this is what makes
somebody authority
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but anything you want to gene anything
you want to learn master experience
there’s somebody out there who has a
life experience the understanding the
network a capital the thing you need to
be elegida but they’re not going to give
you what they want or their video you
want rather need and so the first give
them what they want be and you’re going
to find out what they want me until you
first get in a relationship before if
you don’t do that you never learn
anything the porous power what is a
relationship the before the poor means
total responsibility someone it’s
totally funny to you you’re totally
funny yet during the war with that
connection if that spark that happens in
certain communications or relationships
now everybody wants to create rapport
have it but most people only get rapport
with people who are like whom themselves
and they lose with everybody else this
means you got a very limited world we
people we feel like we have something in
common with someone there’s a spark now
here’s the problem if rapport is create
imaginative commonality most people try
to get rapport by using words but you’ve
already learned something what
percentage of our communication skills
are words what percentage seven percent
which means you’re leaving out
ninety-three percent of your skills
which is why most people don’t get
rapport with a large number of people
see words don’t always work do that but
there is something that always works to
get rapport and it’s something called
matching and mirroring matching and
mirroring now matching and mirroring
came about 35 years ago when it’s we’ve
all done naturally America our whole
lives but the person who pointed out was
Milton Erickson dr. Erickson was a
genius what he did was he was a medical
doctor but he also was a psychologist
and a hypnotherapist probably the best
that ever lived and people will come to
see him who try to change everything
anywhere else in their life nothing at
work they see him for one session he
handle it and the reason is because he
understood something he understood that
you
but the conscious mind in his
subconscious mind and he knew the
subconscious is more powerful part that
makes your heart beat a hundred thousand
times a day without ever think about so
he knew if he could influence your
subconscious mind he could change
anything and that’s what he did but
here’s how he did it he had polio so he
was in a wheelchair so he spent an
enormous amount of time studying people
and he began to notice something about
human beings that when human beings got
together if they got good rapport
relationship or responsiveness they
became like each other in a variety of
ways what he called they mirrored each
other I thought this for 25 years I’m
sure you’ve heard of it I’ve written to
my books and it’s compiled by different
areas there but one thing to know it
intellectually or the understand it
doesn’t to know it we were doing it
that’s what I want to get you to do
tonight you have a real experience of it
that you won’t forget but here’s the
basis of people like people who are like
who themselves and people don’t like
people not like himself to be more
specific write this down people like
people are like themselves or who are
like how they would like to be
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what is the single most powerful
constraint as to whether or not your
business is going to grow enough what is
it
me meaning the business owner yourself
and the unit business owner the biggest
constraint that you have an impact on is
yourself and if you heard yesterday when
we talked with the collective example
here’s a company that’s growing leaps
and bounds in a multi-billion dollar
business traveling around the world the
economies are tearing apart in many
places and it’s growing but the
constraint that they saw was the vision
of the founder what they were willing to
believe as possible and the great thing
about them is like we didn’t know we
didn’t know it wasn’t possible that’s
very helpful thing not to know just to
go out there and do it how many of you
when you started out business didn’t
know what you couldn’t do and that was
quite helpful they cease your hand say I
me too if I look back at stuff that I
did back then I think my god that’s
unbelievable I can’t believe I would say
that or do that or try that but what’s
interesting is in the beginning of your
business and when people are brand-new
at something they’ll try almost but if
you start to succeed some of you are
later in your life cycle and so as you
start to succeed now you’ve got
something to lose and now you don’t
implement the same level you got
something to maintain that’s something
to hang on to so you have to be cautious
about that but besides your own vision
the limitations of your bleed provision
which hopefully you’ve been expanded
anybody feel like that house or the
community should shut up down here say
hi I know it adds me I can see enough of
the conversations with you you know each
time you hear something you see a
different perspective a different plane
you know my gosh there’s just so many
ways take my vessels next level I don’t
have to wait I have to hope for some
quote good economy the worst economy is
my deepest friend because it’s wiping
out all my competitors and give me an
opportunity to take market share or
become the leader or take their
customers or bathrooms or small
selling of kind of an obscene
connotation because in our culture we
think it fails people we think of high
integrity individuals who have a huge
positive growth on the quality of our
lives tell me the first words you
associate to a salesperson great let’s
come back building for a nice comeback
without manipulator liar three feet
deceptive type of good guy now how many
of you in this room are salespeople in
this case your head if you’re an owner
of a business you better be raising your
hand if you are a parent you better be
raising your head come by the way our
kids great salespeople yes or no I mean
they look to keep them out of your
rejection they just let it happen behind
you coming right you can’t have an ice
cream cone Simmons later they’re looking
on one with a smile on their face right
no one thought of any scraps no one’s
out of anything what I want you to get
is the single most important skill of
life we hate the word selling so I’ll
give you a word that it really is that
doesn’t have a negative connotation it’s
the word that all leaders have only that
word be influenced
what changes companies is leaders the
only way to change the company’s
leadership and I want to change company
that I own I want to make a shift in
that company the number one thing I’m
going to do is shifting leadership that
might be taking years to a different
level by my bring new leaders willing
that by the new leaders of New Voices
with new perspectives with new skill
sets new directions but we need to take
things to the model leaders solve
problems and leaders maximize resources
if you’re going to solve problems you
can’t do it yourself it would already
been solved you have to get others to
help you to do it that requires
influence trail you need to get people
to maximize resources that requires
influence if you’re going to get people
to partner with you provide you
resources capital suppliers anything
that requires influence if you can have
an impact on your kids or your community
or the world that requires influence
there is no more important skill of
leadership than influence and yet most
of us think of it like selling and as a
result we don’t master influence so I’m
not here today to try and get you to
become a master of influence in 45
minutes or so by chatting with you here
because we have so many of the speakers
this is the area of life I am most
focused on because I know that if you
can’t influence you can’t lead but if
you can influence powerfully
intelligently with integrity there’s no
limit to whatever you can envision and
what you can make real and if your
influence becomes not just use the
influence but you’re able to influence
systems people company culture if you
can turn other people into influencers
now whatever you vision about can be
made into reality and so as some
skeleton fluence we’re going to ask
ourselves company agreed leaders will
change companies right hands you adapt
say I and leaders number one still think
onto the green say aye
but then the question becomes how do you
influence how do you influence
consistently with integrity you can
involves many ways you can do without
integrity but the good news is we live
in a world today where whatever you do
it’s transparent to the world because
there are no secrets anymore other I try
to have a secret to need less you you
can forget the secret for the internet
with a culture we have the way the world
is today there are no more secrets and
whatever you think is killed possibly
keep sleeping given three or four more
years it’ll be impossible every phone
call you make is recorded there’s no
single phone call that goes in turnout
in North America but they don’t have a
recording of and they can search by word
by tone by tempo they can even recognize
voices there’s no thing is such thing as
privacy everything you’ve ever put on
the Internet is there forever and people
know it and concerns it the way you
write a searchable map you cannot find
you email you can put on somebody else’s
email and the structure of your language
and the way you’ve influenced things can
be study at the club so the good news
about that is manipulation as a ongoing
tool for success is over but adding
value will never a lot of stock choose
the number bottom spot so influencing
with integrity of the secret but what
really influences people these facts and
figures leave enough facts and figures
out of a for story if I can invoke
people
no it’s deleting that story together in
a way that produces what shifts didn’t
and that’s human emotion ultimately it
gained here is emotional you looked in
this motion we up things with you most
of your people if you’re going to
maximize resources if we all agree as we
talked about the other day it’s not a
lack of resources it’s a lack of what
resourcefulness if you’re creative
enough if you’re pi fulness if you’re
determined enough if you’re focused
enough you can find a way if you’re
giving enough if you’re generous enough
if you’re honest enough if you’re
courageous enough you will get people to
help you you will find the way you will
make that thing happen you’ll access the
resource you get some of the coach you
teach you loan it to you let you try it
drive it experience it so it’s the
ability influence emotion because that’s
what affects our intellect that’s about
them on a core story is only there to
give you a set of facts to educate
someone that will make them emotional up
to make a decision and what they do is
they go through a series of things that
you have the emotions about they may
save them at a non-emotional way but the
only reason they work is because you
know they’re going to open the person’s
emotion I want to agree with you on the
staff so as leaders we can never forget
they humans are emotional creatures
including ourselves and the influence
other people we have to know what
already influence of them we can’t ever
forget what truly enforces them it’s
going to come down to our ability to
connect with them in a deep emotional
level or get others to do say here’s how
I say it a really simple term to
influence someone you have to already be
influenced
right to move somebody you better be
moved to touch somebody you can’t touch
somebody about your product or service
or vision right here your company if
you’re not done to persuade the others
you have to be persuaded
you can’t give somebody else but you
don’t have now you may have an
intellectually here’s the challenge they
first meet somebody in your relationship
and you’re all excited what’s a little
energy like zero to ten make the sound
of that energy meet some of your totally
excited by linked to that six month six
years twenty years later that’s area two
and it’s not time because there are
people and thought I deliver then
together sixty-five years and they’re
still out of their mind for each other
they make the female annoyed as you did
at the beginning here what changes is
very often when you’re around something
enough I don’t care what it is there’s a
log of a wall familiarity walk familiar
this is this if you’re on something
enough you take it just a little bit for
granted
and doesn’t matter what it is it’s not
that you don’t care see it used to it
it’s that the variety of it it’s not
quite as high it’s not so new and with
that sometimes give it less significant
even though in your heart you know it’s
a difficult you don’t keep the aliveness
up it becomes simply the intellectualize
versus something you feel and find your
body with a passion so then people say
but we love each other now hold up great
hug each other every now and then if
they love it you can look if like that
is that outlook look any
no it is in time is that most people
don’t understand that this emotion this
intensity this passion has to be
constantly reinforced every single day
and like any muscle if you don’t use it
you so then you have the base
understanding why you do what you do but
you lost the energy that makes it alive
and so if you’re going to be touching
people you gotta be types of than the
question is how do we influence
ourselves how do we influence other
people we got to get them into their
emotions we got to get ourselves into
the emotions they’re going to move us to
action we can’t do that ongoing because
otherwise all the stuff you go down will
die it’ll die in your book it’ll die in
your head it has to be a level of
emotion level hungering you that makes
you go follow through there’s got to be
a level of energy knew that when you go
share with people you’re able to
influence them to follow through and
then when they don’t do it enough to get
back in there with them again and get
them to do it again this is where the
whole game gets won or lost
so we got a look at it first of all us
how many do you have days when you wake
up if you like I don’t want to talk to
people today how many got things like
this in your life say I but again as I
said the other day if you’re the leader
you don’t have that choice you’re the
leader you have to get in a good state
if your leader you have to get yourself
in that place and how many of you have
had some context you see again in the
last six months 12 months in your
business with economic on any changing
that has never changed before I’m the
ghazals that’s that’s AI so what do we
do we have to become masters of
influence which means we have to be able
to master the state of our own
organization the master state of our own
organization going to know how to change
that house outfit that’s how fast and
where does it have to start ourselves
since were the first constraint and if
we can do with ourselves and influence
and we can teach everybody else to
influence we’ve said business is
innovation and marketing you have to
influence people to innovate because
we’re not going to just do it because
they’re used to what works and it’s
easier and they know it innovation means
massive what change how many people go
give me more massive change in my life
with all the other things I’m trying to
hang on to they’re not going to do that
you have to influence people’s innovate
and marketing is influenced so what
influences us is our state’s how do we
change our state’s let’s start with you
and I and with anybody able to work like
you work with me before you know the
first answer you’re going to change
somebody state the fastest way to do it
is physical trying to change somebody’s
mind is really hard change their body
their mind will go you doubt it give
somebody enough alcohol and just see how
quickly you can change them true even if
alcohol I don’t care who they are
they’re going to change what are you
changing biochemistry physiology
physical body and the emotion the mind
will shift why people take drugs it’s
why people eat when they go E it’s a
biochemical change in your body so but
we can do this through movement we can
prove this to change so if you want to
be the leader and you’re going to be
effective
first thing I’d say ology going home so
you don’t feel overwhelmed if you need
to develop a ongoing discipline as we
all are rituals I mean a physical one if
you want to say well why is my life the
way it is today look at your rituals
what do you call them rituals are not
you have it most of you get up and you
have a set of rituals you’ll straight to
email or you’ll say work out or you go
out to breakfast or you hit the snooze
alarm at least three times to ritual you
know what I’m talking about here and if
you want to know what somebody’s like
you can see the rituals
[Music]
[Music]
if you want to transfer me business
transform you by creating first if you
don’t already have one instead of
physical rituals that you’re not going
to live I don’t care at three days a
week four days weeks something’s going
to make you physically strong because in
a place where it was going to be a lot
of fear the way you deal with crisis is
number one thing is to speed your mind
and you’re doing that get yourself new
answers immerse yourself in new
environment get new voices have new
perspectives after new questions is that
we’ve been going here
[Music]
you can start your morning with
everybody you’re going to bring in and
get some little audio clip of something
from a movie or something
that blasts across the room and have
anybody standard attention you’re going
to do some crazy stuff if you’re smart
rubber Zappos can see what they do they
got the most crazy stuff going on there
all the stuff that I do in seminars they
do every day at their location with
their people and people can’t wait to
get the work in there in a certain state
so if i were you i feed my mind you’re
doing that and then condition my body
because your body is going to give you
the strength to follow through there’s
nobody to assume can afford to do that
and i don’t care if that’s going for a
walk and as you’re doing the walk you’re
doing what I call my hour of power or 15
minutes you know to thrive where you’re
just putting yourself in state may be
doing incantations you got to do
something they get the blood moving
through you on a consistent basis and
once while it’s really pushing you
beyond your comfort zone so when you get
beyond your comfort zone in your mental
side there’s already a reservoir there
we also been talking about your say I so
feed your mind feed your mind the
information feed your mind with examples
in the stories part of why you here is
good for you to see all these people
that are succeeding it’ll go read some
other biographies but feed your mind
every day condition your body every day
and then the third thing has become a
master of influence by asking the right
questions that’s what I want to talk to
you that questions are the answer you
want new answers for your life you need
new questions you’re not getting through
to somebody the answer is getting
through to them is not to talk more it’s
to ask them more it’s to get underneath
this to discover never I said the other
day to influence another human being you
have to know what already what
influences them you can’t do that by
talking to them if I tell you something
you can doubt it but if you tell me by
my ESP question you tell me how it is
it’s true that’s the basis of influence
for those who are more sophisticated but
lots of we thin phones you can tell
stories and metaphors you can influence
by example you can influence by rewards
or by paying but the fastest way to
influence is to get inside of somebody
by questions questions are the answer
right our experiences we’ve experienced
life we experience our association to
whatever we’re stimulated by so if I
said to you I want to tell you a story
about my senior year in high school and
I started telling you about my senior in
high school and there was this girl that
I was sold in love with now by the way I
can go on and on but you’re not
experiencing my story you’re
experiencing your story you invest the
high school as soon as I start to tell
it then you’re experiencing somebody you
were interested in very quickly you’re
going for a reference point you can
relate to how many when I’m talking
about it if I want you to think about
your mother all I got to talk about mine
because the only way you understand
things if I threaten singing so
questions caused you to go inside and
reference things
[Music]
everybody has a need for variety we all
have a need to feel like there’s a
surprise in our life we are love
surprises and say I do you like the
surprises you want
the surprises you don’t want you call
problems in the true but you need those
do to go live see you like surprises
that you’re certain you’re not sure
going to happen but if they do you’re
certain it’ll feel good
isn’t it true so people need for
certainty they need uncertainty needs
variety they need stimulation people
need to feel significant to feel you
need to feel special to feel important
if you know people need that need trust
me
the world is yours remember many years
ago I skied when his good friend in mind
I love him he’s one of those brilliant
people I know he’s not only a genius
entrepreneur but he is an artist
he’s one of most creative people Steve
could talk about this this lectern and
he could make it the most make and he
could eat and just describe things the
way they’re just unbelievable so we’re
having dinner the very first time we
ever met there was New Year’s one year
and fireworks went off in he and Island
totally into it and we’re talking about
influence that this is the ultimate
skill in life of any business owner and
that that’s his only job is influence he
creates things he loves that
I’m cradle this guess how valuable this
is if I can’t influence you that it’s
valuable for you zero it dies it stays
in my house
so we’re describing this a describing a
fiction the need certainty and
uncertainty and lit up the significance
he lit up like a Christmas tree
billions in ordering billions of dollars
that’s the one to give people if you
give them the link buying your product
makes them more significant they’ll
spend clean
did you think about it people get these
little handbags womenís handbags and he
said they cost nothing to make maybe
thousands of dollars because it gets up
these initials on it it’s not even a
better I can show you one that’s made it
across 1/100 of the price one tenth of
the price when he dumped the wedge and
then the Encore to point five point two
point seven billion dollars for hotel I
guess what when everybody else is
freaking out you go over the wind right
now it’s lower because the people who
want to be known as the best I’ve got to
go to the best place that’s neat
structure honorable Cortney connection
in love everybody needs connects
everybody needs love that all we want
that significance or that we think of a
significant enough people love us if I’m
worth it if I’m enough but I’ve
beautiful enough strong enough smart and
original and tell us enough playful not
funny enough something enough then I’ll
be loved so if you’re going to influence
somebody you got to know what’s
influencing in them is the need for
certainty when you talk about change you
just mess with that true because me for
uncertainty but you got to fill not as a
positive but certainly a variety they
need to feel significant and gosh what
do you bring this new thing into change
and it doesn’t work out as well for me I
feel stupid I look like I failed at the
one significant well gosh I don’t know
if I’ll even love myself if this doesn’t
go well how many follow the pattern of
what people get concerned about right so
these first four needs everybody finds a
way to meet even if they have to blame
somebody else or work really hard or
make up a story in their head everybody
finds a way to take certain every finds
a way that variety really has a way to
be significant as a way to feel least
connected if not loved but ultimately
the final two needs is everyone has to
grow then we talked about this first day
progress equals happiness if you grow
you feel alive if you don’t grow you
feel like you’re dying and so the end of
people peep out this need for growth and
if they feel like they’re growing with
you remember I said you can use fear to
motivate them that will work for a while
you can easily Santa’s that’ll work for
a long time too but there is a limit to
incentives
makes people feel fully alive long-term
is they feel happy because they’re
growing they’re expanding everyone Tony
talked about how they took the same
process of becoming a buyer for Zappos
do they broke it into more steps still
two years but you were by our level a by
a higher qualified level D that will see
leavel I guess I made it progress growth
to finally with the last need
contribution and you heard him many
others talk about and you’ve seen the
people here that are most successful
feel like what they’re doing has a
meaning beyond themselves I’m reminding
you of these six needs very quickly here
because if you and I are going to
influence other people we have to know
what all the influences are and of those
six needs who’s that who has who has all
six of these needs which is that
everyone who here has a need to be loved
at some level of the emitter or at least
connected say I Liam needs to feel
unique special important significant
Israel’s AI including the people I don’t
need to be special no no I don’t I don’t
need that I’m a Christian or I’m a Jew
or I’m a Muslim
or I’m not religious I’m spiritual they
find a way to be unique everybody needs
this it’s human nature so we need all
these needs to be met but we don’t need
them all equally we’ve learned the value
of some of these six more than others
some value certainly more than anything
else and so they live their lives trying
to meet that need and if you can’t
convince them how exciting this new
projects going to be you just messed up
totally what you got to tell them as you
know what if we don’t change this
utilize what’s going to happen do you
think that what we have right now
certain solid you can understand this is
evaporating between us if you and I are
gonna have any surgery at all this is
what we must do immediately I mean like
let’s make it happen
right if you know somebody who’s more
variety driven some people the top of
the list they all want certainty they
all want uncertainty we all want them
all we have tend to have two that we
value more than any others those two are
the driving force in a person so
somebody’s variety driven and you go
okay we’re going to keep doing these
same things because we got to keep
fundamentally doing these elements and
the changes we’re making you’re not that
big because you’re trying to convince
people so that they won’t be too fearful
you lost that person you have to pull
them aside they love you might
understand something here this is an
entirely new game
[Music]
[Music]
I did this with my daughter I’ll never
forget my daughter Jolie always wanted
to be a dancer on Broadway and she was
very talented horse I’m her father
I of course she’s talented right but at
one point she’s gone to college and when
really well she’s based in Los Angeles
and she was winning all these dance
competitions as keyboard for Christmas
they were sitting down and I said to her
this question is said honey how are you
doing on your dream and she said what do
you mean suppose our undulate score got
straight A’s and I’m bummed and positive
I said I know but I want to know how you
do it on your dream I didn’t tell her
how she was doing on the train if all
the different here I guess the jolly I’m
concerned we’ve got straight A’s in
school and you’re doing great dance
classes but you’re not focusing on your
dream I don’t think your dreams coming
about I start out with that would work I
got a house make her break her own what
break or what what do you mean I said
your dream you know what it is what is
it also goes well of course the dance on
Broadway
I said uh-huh and what are you doing she
goes why I’m going to school got
straight A’s and I’m dancing I said are
you dancing against people you’re better
than or people that are better than you
so you think your answer was I’m better
than them I said of course because
you’re winning every time that’s a clue
so my question is how do you get better
playing against people you’re better
than if you go out on a tennis court and
you play against somebody that’s twice
as good as you are even if you’re lousy
tennis player are you going to get
better or worse playing against them as
time goes by which one you have to just
to stay on the court if you sit across
from somebody whose skill set is lower
than yours even though you want to
practice ours you can
what’s going to happen your game
eventually it’s going to go dead is
watcher processes now if I said to her
you need to leave California move to New
York and compete with other people that
probably wouldn’t work too well but I
start out with high you don’t like a
dream and then I got to say what does it
be really I hear what the answer was
by the way that that’s what influence
people if you’re trying to serve them as
you better know what you want to take
them towards as a leader I got to know
where I’m going to take you that’s my
job if you’re a parent and you’re not
leading you keep leading you you know
much of a parent that doesn’t mean your
kids can’t afford you but there are
points in life you have to lead them you
lead anyone where he was long as you
know what the outcome is he has to my
questions
I can take a deck of cards have you take
out any card see with the card in it and
I can lead to that card you break out
for example the Ace of Hearts the King
of Hearts and I say to you we miss a
question that the cards has 52 cards in
it they’re broken up into four different
suits aren’t they darling
[Music]
what are them
[Music]
several patients think of those pick one
pick one
[Music]
Marconi won’t be quiet okay
and that’s the only way they’ll all say
if you never stay I’ll see the back
leave until we finally get dark right
and then I’ll say others hearts you know
there’s one aside for than the other
level is that I can lead you and welcome
to get you to say the King of Hearts of
the a I’m going to take you ever want to
go present but I better know first so I
say to her I’m completing these people
till you’re better than strongly develop
them on your fancy taking are you going
to get better rap making new connections
and a half new new node watch this new
belief she says well no I’m not
I submission another question what’s the
lifecycle on a Daniken mean can you be
the answer when you’re forty start when
you’re 40 35 make it on Broadway she
goes no handheld are you really how you
know why I said oh just tell you now 21
I said we win would now be a good time
for you to start
now oh yeah it’s good idea so what do
you mean I said honey everything I’ve
done in my life has been dazed by
modeling but also there’s something in
me that most people not realize is
really made me successful that’s a sense
of urgency I do not sell I do not wait
you wait and it’s over if you allow
something to distract you
[Music]
and I said
that’s called utilization by the way I
will tell you this inside with reader
skills in your life as an influencer is
I call utilization which is whatever
happens that’s the greatest gift you can
give yourself in business in life
whatever happens use it you’re aware
that whatever happens is always an asset
to your outcome if you have to believe
it’s always an asset I just need to have
a go to use it then everything in life
plays to you it might be another
metaphor with Tony for examples talked
about when he had those people take the
test am i lucky extremely lucky too
unlucky remember that ironically the
people that I think they’re extremely
lucky have a different life I’m going to
light because they utilize everything
they see everything is to their
advantage
anyway but my daughter basically what I
said to her was honey I want you to get
you think I’m a genius and I said and I
am but I said my deepest genius is
urgency I am one hungry mouth oh I will
not let an opportunity pass me by I will
not see something as possible go well
I’ll try that later I grabbed it I
grabbed it ripened by the hair I crush
it I go after it it isn’t just talent
comedy not only the people do you know
who have unbelievable talent but they
never live their dream how many people
you know that are brilliant and are
proud all right you know that I’m
feeling degree is an education we can’t
find the way to prevent the ball
I see on this tablet not going to happen
there’s not much time
21 years old I said whoa honey how am I
ever succeed what do you see me do is
the secret to me compressing decades in
today modeling I said that’s right I
find the best of the best
I won’t some of life ordinary that’s
that’s a pretty good somebody’s the
dairy basket and I go figure out
everything they do so I think first
decades of the day you need to go model
or work with the best person in your
industry in the world happens to be in
New York and it trains them and depend
on us the model something you got to
take care of what my bring this of what
you double your model Celia but if you
don’t do anything with this overs are
going to happen so I said you don’t take
massive action she says well what he is
proposing I’m saying I say leave schools
move to New York go into training I will
pay for the training is long enough a
full-time job paying for your housing
because I want to be working actors if
one is going on auditions you can’t just
look Spain and work your way partitions
to you do that all day for you to be
able to call them okay you’re training
you figure out absolutely scary after a
while I have loved ones I do this goes
under middle school it would now be a
good time
choose you mean like right now except
what do you think she says in the middle
of school year I said yes
she said but you’re the one who told me
to go to college at that I was wrong
I said it was along about Collins and
let you go to college not straight ace
and you can go back to do that later
you’re not going to run out of time to
go to college you are losing your
credits but you’re running out of time
to become a dancer I don’t know if that
your that skill I think you’re gifted
but I’m your father
of course I think you’re gifted you
could be oddly I still think you’re
beautiful
all right so I said the only we’re going
to know is if you get in it because I
said there’s one of those I don’t ever
want you to have in your life my girl
that’s correct
that’s the news I won’t ever have that’s
a few if I can help you from not having
it that’s what I’m talking you right now
and if you don’t take this shot now you
tell me what level regret you might have
later of us
right here I will stay by your door
this institution
so guess what she said to me if you mind
have asked anybody else their opinion
who are you thinking up and she said no
dad she was divorced I respect her being
with you boys off me
go to the area with mr. greatest expert
she said the greatest experts are people
in the business I said to write who do
you think enough she said models think
as soon so as gentlemen was that CAA was
a good friend of mine and she knew him
he’s for the thought I said he that
brilliant idea I said of smart you to do
them check it out ok I said win
she said now in return now be with us so
she went over in the other room and as
you go through the room he’s my friend I
call him I didn’t air wise for a 3-star
love it’s time to go I only have 30
second pocket only here’s the deal you
know of innocence here straight eighth
or that of course will be log that’s
where dancing isn’t you need to be in
proximity doesn’t seep our community’s
knowledge through our president about my
tour is not likely to right that’s right
oh is that bike
[Music]
your breakfasts welcome to the flavors
bears after he’s going busy
I love the voice man so I said honey
don’t leave a boy here come back again
you know any thermal idols but I thought
I’m very certain since Lori talked on
the phone like Alan had come back from
Laos later dad I think there’s
conversation it was the right thing to
do and he says it’s absolutely right and
talked about why and how and all those
things as I said no their greatest if
you can’t be you know prophet in your
own land they gets around the air I took
my little sunshine girl who was used to
living in Southern California and going
to the beach I took her to New York
during one of the worst winters New York
had had in like 15 years and put her in
this crappy little apartment
deliberately so I want her to be hungry
all right and sure enough she went and
she James unbelievable people and she
kept going up one of these things and
less than six months later she called me
up at one time and she said dad just
have a little surprise for you when you
come to New York and I told him if she’s
okay I wanted to get from the airport
sure enough I get the airport she’s not
there but there’s a car there for me
little note status that will surprise in
some case I get the car
hoots I see my daughter a car drives by
our apartment and we go down to downtown
Broadway they pull up in front of a
place and there’s a play called Tommy if
you remember that classic play right and
on the headlines I see my daughter’s
name within six months was on Broadway
whole thing happened it’s not
[Music]
you mislead your children you mislead
yourself to mislead your business which
means you can lay down woof foundation
principles distinctions you can tell
stories you can give examples but
ultimately you must ask for the order
you must ask for the action and you must
ask in a way where they’re already
convinced because they know it’s right
inside of them not because of the power
of your personality
because the power of your personality
will go away let’s see when I went away
he already owned all this how many
follow difference here say I plus you’ll
learn a lot you’ll learn you’ll find out
I’m trying to influence this them they
may not be right maybe the other thing
is some mixture between where I thought
and they thought you’ll find that by
asking questions the kids just ask
questions are you’re only trying to get
to the outcome you got to be half of the
overall outcome you got to be open to
what’s happening ASCII back along the
way and you got to know what people need
certainty variety significance
connection and love reynolds
contribution and you got to know which
one of those they value most to get
their attention
they have start with what they value not
will you value see most people think
influencing someone is getting them to
do something well if I said somebody
here okay I’ll give a million dollars
the first person up here who’s naked
within the next 15 seconds trust me
that’s not influence any idiot can pull
that off that’s a bribe and that’s what
some of you deal with the people you man
that you try to bribe them and you will
look how well they’re doing for a while
until that gets old
so being naked gets all their a million
dollars get a million dollars gets all
he goes my dr. Nadia yes every say no
million dollarsí squat whatever they
around get familiar with it loses its
intangible quality so you have to be
constantly thinking this games and how
to meet these people need you gotta use
questions do it mostly got ask equality
questions of my friends who first Alice
if you want to get yourself in state
every day what do you feel feed your
mind what are you gonna do conditional
model to give you an ass better not not
only going to survive economic downturn
that’s a kinda question you have john
callen didn’t feel like every delivery
forgiveth they should not become
updating answers so what’s the most
pressure well in my own life I wanted to
ask question of them are very helpful
email her chest wall instead of Fang
Hagen exam I never was on the road I’ve
been 102 these days well on the road 100
those days I’ve been on the stage my
voice would thought my body was gone
convinced link I do not like this where
it’s because percentage errors and the
casual departmental hours 50 hours
getting you know day and we can’t spam
and they have the BAM and then the whole
time between the flying $12 crazy my god
I would burn out typically involve an
other than something called life that is
obviously the days before email because
I bought a hundred phone calls or
villages parisa as I hundred phone calls
and even the brushes after Italy like
what the hell the madam of my life how
do they end up in this bed our way of
living in a tip now before the castle
head within the ocean in Del Mar
California Las Vegas myself but can you
empathize yourself and questions yes to
no questions of presuppositions by
communicating the other day and said
well you know how can I do this in have
been possible but maybe is everything so
how can i double my business friend you
know no one is buying anything anymore
well if you ask the question built with
a negative least the position you’re in
pain we have a better question I sent to
a minister out any other person’s good
Sultan is there any of a service you
could play is there any of the market
that exists in the world with them
giving you answers that you have to do
but we have two same questions over and
over again so I have this happen to me
and why didn’t why these people why do i
why do i have to respond all these
people than what i did and i realized to
change my state no one thinks water was
dehydrated should my body out serum into
first i’m going to just go for the rod
ones with ron got my body changed in the
state change new focus came with new
questions i started thinking you know
what I would have died to have some of
these people call me you know four or
five years ago one of the present United
States on the list not only the guy is
now one of my dearest friends that I
remember I used to be a fan of this
man’s just a genius of a man to now some
of my best friends and so I asked myself
how do they get so lucky to get these
people in my life how’d I get so lucky
to have 100 people want to talk to me in
a day there was a time I can remember an
appearance graphic bachelor apartment in
Venice California when I heard the song
I am I said and no one heard not even
the chair
and I mess that there were tears
thinking my life had no meaning
better than nothing and no wine
sometimes it’s good ask the questions
remind you that whatever you think is
stressful today was something you would
have dreamed about it 1000 damn for
rounding in the background to Memphis
useful remember your bathroom class
myself okay why do I want to call this
nice fat they’re a piece of position
there yes or no what would be great
about all these cables out choice an
accent when I catch up with tier V paint
pretty soon
instead of having to do it does the
state you do something in effect the
people you deal with yes or no your
stays inspected by what you focus on
what you focus on is control my
questions
so then I thought that question said
populating all of these phone calls in
enjoy the process mr. beinac sitting
down we all crunched up or they’re
talking talking talking not breathing
not eat not anything under golf
they looked album Adele’s I saw that
outside the sunny beautiful day and they
were sitting between your own jacuzzi
overlooking the ocean let that song
called everybody from the jacuzzi
Gavaskar bus how could I maybe thought
and totally enjoy the process
I think the F is like if you keep a
secret
after you shall but you got to ask
consistently and you got asking to stay
– certainly not like we’re literally do
how could I make this call call joy when
I’m gonna call jacuzzi
overlooking the ocean if I wasn’t making
the calls ever ID so why wait
so I took my little list down I got
myself my numbers up over my little
fingers oh now tonight I found that
people talk and laugh and little I was
calling everybody and the boy called him
to cuddle up on things then go get or
what pour wanna share with them I mean
all the calls and image everyone is
reachable by I mean all call them
possibly make organ that Jacuzzi left me
I was Nick email like over Michaels
4,000 years old I was so relaxed
can I have the best time and all
prog-rock agents about the better life
you want to influence somebody has a
better question
the Probie
if you’re the problem you will have a
problem with that
methane what’s your question
because all you’re saying when you’re
the problem is there’s a question that
you have that’s not been answered
problems are really question if not an
answer but when you state them not as a
question you forget that you’re out
there answer
[Music]
you
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