more people need to share their story
not in a victim way and not sharing a
tap for a point of healing but for a
point of literally empowering
the reality is is just looking in the
mirror and telling yourself the story
that you want I mean and a lot of people
tell the story that everybody else wants
them to tell right so the marketing
message is so young girls right now I’m
fat I’m ugly my hair’s not long enough
it’s not belong enough it’s not brunette
enough my hips are too big they’re not
big enough whatever it is right the the
story is being told from out here and
then you’re bringing it to you what you
have to do is tell the story you want
when you’re a victim you’re in zero
control like you have zero control and I
mean we can go you know from the
simplest thing of like you’re a victim
and you want the government to take care
of it well what if the government fails
well now you’re screwed right so you
need to be independent in that space
you’re being abused you’re a victim yes
I understand that there should be
sympathy inside of being a victim for
something that happened but that’s the
key something that happened if it’s
happening that’s at work we’re talking a
completely different thing here and I
want to make sure that’s clear if you’re
currently being abused or currently
being you know victimized then please
seek help and it’s not being a victim to
ask for help
what’s really to me being a victim is
you’re past it it’s happened and now you
just keep replaying that in your head
over and over and over again I was the
last time I was molested I was about
seven six and a half seven years old I
carried that and again I was physically
abused after but I’m talking sexually
molested molestation I carried that
tells about 16 years old inside of me
and constantly told that story every day
anytime something would go bad in my
life
I would just look at people and be like
well you know this is what happened to
me and da-da-da-da-da and it when I was
16 I stopped and I thought that person
hasn’t touched me for nine ten years
yeah they continually touch me every
single day of my life so who’s really in
control who really even though I was
like trying to be the big bad like
they’ll never hurt me again you know
whatever I was still allowing them to
hurt me every single day so I let go of
that control so being a victim is being
completely powerless and and taking away
all control you might have which
ultimately doesn’t make you feel safe
which ultimately doesn’t give you
happiness which ultimately doesn’t give
you prosperity and you know fill in the
blank and so what does being a victim
get you nothing absolutely nothing so if
you’re getting nothing from one
direction why not turn around and go to
the other direction I mean to me it’s a
really common sense but you have to
break down that and you have to give
people this understanding that it’s okay
to have had something happen to you like
you’re not a bad person because of that
and it sounds crazy unless somebody’s
watching this who’s gone through
something you know the guilt you feel
and the things that you carry that you
haven’t told anyone because you’re
or all these things that’s okay but
continuing to allow it to affect you
that’s on you that’s not on the abuser
that’s not on the situation that’s on
you it’s a choice you have to make I am
no longer gonna let this happen and so
that’s where I came up with this concept
of put the victim to bed and wake the
hero up instead and the next part of
that is you have to be a hero to
yourself before you can save the world
and so you have to have that moment of I
am Who I am I’m comfortable and who that
is and I’m gonna go out and use Who I am
in the world in the best way possible
for example troubled youth right I was
told that all your just your troubled
youths west so we need to help you and
I’m like no I’m not a troubled youth
like I’m I am a youth right so let’s get
where they were trouble I’m a happy
youth I’m a playful youth I’m a
successful youth like put the word fill
the word in there that you want and if
you believe the word trouble then much
like the stutter thing then that’s what
you are right you’re just perpetuating
that stereotype or that conversation
more and more and whenever I did that
whenever I wish I have my moments of
weakness where I would try and try and
then fail and as soon as I’d start like
just kind of okay you know but just like
everything like frumpy and just like
alright I’m just gonna give up that’s
when my life became worse and worse and
I started making worse decisions and
then I started realizing like wait if I
just keep pushing over here it’s hard
it’s hard as hell there’s no easy answer
to this there’s no like okay well every
morning at six o’clock you know wake up
and meditate for ten minutes and tell
yourself you’re beautiful and then go
like it’s not it doesn’t work like that
it’s a constant battle and you’re gonna
have moments of complete and total
defeat where it’s just like what am i
doing like why do I keep trying to do
this and it for me again who’s just
reminding myself if I want these happy
moments I want to have this life and and
so it just it started to perpetuate in
little things that I would see like a
new friend at school or a relationship
or you know its start to like blossom
into different things and then with the
business it would be oh wow like I can
go and sell and I can do and as soon as
I started like seeing just a little bit
of progress then that motivated me for
the next and the next and just build and
build and build and I’d still say I’m
building like I still have issues but
it’s just focusing on that
different conversation telling a
different story and the story you want
and that’s the first thing I tell you
this’ like look don’t look at my story
you don’t look at someone else’s story
what’s the story you want you may have
had something happen and I always say
it’s your eighth birthday all you ever
wanted was the Elmo doll right you told
your grandma your grandpa your friends
your everyone mom dad all I want is an
Elmo doll your birthday comes around you
get an Xbox a mountain bike and $500 and
gift certificates but no Elmo doll now
for 20 years you’re living your life and
every time you’re in a relationship
you’ll text you’ll do something and they
won’t respond to you or you ask for
something you don’t get it and every
time you have this self-sabotaging thing
in a relationship where you go to the
person who say you never listen to you
never hear what I’m saying even though
that person’s doing so many other things
for you when you’re asking for certain
things it’s not being reciprocated you
go all the way back to that 8th year
that that barometer that benchmark that
was set that all you wanted was an Elmo
doll regardless of all the cool stuff
you just got you didn’t get an Elmo at
all so thus people weren’t listening to
your feelings aren’t being validated and
heard and you’re 28 years old figuring
out why you can’t have relationships and
the Elmo doll effect is actually a real
case that I worked on it was just kind
of like breaking through and figuring
out where was that set up where this
person was just you know self-sabotaging
every single time and it comes came out
to be that they wanted something for
their birthday when they were younger
and they didn’t get it and they’ve been
holding on to that and ian’s and even
like admitted to themselves that every
Christmas they’re thinking like yeah
finally I’ll get it you know it’s like
28 29 years old as soon as they release
that it’s like they’re not playing the
victim anymore so that may seem like
really silly in all this other stuff
we’ve been talking about but to to
people who are watching this who haven’t
gone through something horrific you may
be holding on to something as simple as
a stupid little Elmo doll that’s
affecting your belief system your story
and giving you limits in your life
instead of creating a limitless
and how do you teach people to go back
and sort of get new perspective on the
ELMO doll it’s it’s really you know just
quiet space kind of putting yourself in
a position of just really kind of going
through and time lining your life and I
usually start with like what’s your
first childhood memory and then from
there you know you can kind of start
architecting and building different
story and figuring out like where things
happened but I think that most people
they know what’s holding them back at
some level and they just don’t want to
be honest with it and they’ll do a lot
to bury it and the older you get the
more it gets married but I think if you
really look back on your life you can
say okay that’s it and I just don’t want
to take ownership of that and a lot of
times it’s like I said that shame
whether it happened to you or you did it
you know it’s that shame of just let go
a shame wait if anything we’ve proven in
this world like we’re we’re a world of
forgiveness like we will forgive people
who are honest and vulnerable and real
but you’ve got to be that first in order
for us to you know but you got to do
that for yourself first you got to
forgive yourself the simplicity of just
knowing that you’re not alone is is
really not simple it’s it’s massive
because in those dark moments you are
alone for the most part you are
physically alone and so then it’s not
that hard to take it from a physical to
a mental state of I’m the only one being
molested I’m the only one being beaten
I’m the only one with alcoholic parents
I’m the only one with a mom and dad who
hate each other I’m the only one that
lives in a really wealthy community but
everyone’s lying to each other like you
it’s really simple for that to happen
but the the reality is is you’re not and
when you’re not alone you have community
what does community give you safety
right it all comes back to like being
safe and if I feel safe then I have
power and then I can do something and
control and all these different elements
so you know yes that’s huge and it’s a
massive thing that we talk about you
know not being alone but in my opinion
it comes down to self-worth and
eliminating shame from these things so
we can have real conversations so that
just doesn’t become something that
people have to deal with alone a human
project is on a huge mission like I know
that I know we can’t do it alone that’s
why we’re enlisting the help that we’re
listing make we’re not this isn’t this
isn’t a simple problem to solve in the
sense of the global aspect of it but the
solution is simple and it just has to be
understood right like I’ve I’ve been
asked hundreds of times
why are you Wes right why aren’t you the
stereotypical like you’re abused you
went through this your dad’s an
alcoholic your mom’s this you’re like
why aren’t you in that pool I made a
choice that’s it
I made a choice I made a choice that I
didn’t want to be that there’s nothing
special about me there’s nothing
miraculous about Who I am
the only miraculous cool thing is I
don’t have to eat or sleep sometimes
like that’s it
I just made one choice I was 16 years
old and I was no longer gonna be a
victim and I was gonna be a hero to
myself and that I was going to change my
life and I had no idea that would leave
me here and no idea I’d be here in the
set talking to you doing what we’re
doing knowing that was never part of the
plan the only thing I knew is I didn’t
want to be the victim and this other
trajectory of life I wanted something
different so I made that choice and now
I’m here so if you’re listening to this
and you’re thinking you’ve made all
these different choices and your life is
in one direction make one different
choice just one see where it goes
you
not in a victim way and not sharing a
tap for a point of healing but for a
point of literally empowering
the reality is is just looking in the
mirror and telling yourself the story
that you want I mean and a lot of people
tell the story that everybody else wants
them to tell right so the marketing
message is so young girls right now I’m
fat I’m ugly my hair’s not long enough
it’s not belong enough it’s not brunette
enough my hips are too big they’re not
big enough whatever it is right the the
story is being told from out here and
then you’re bringing it to you what you
have to do is tell the story you want
when you’re a victim you’re in zero
control like you have zero control and I
mean we can go you know from the
simplest thing of like you’re a victim
and you want the government to take care
of it well what if the government fails
well now you’re screwed right so you
need to be independent in that space
you’re being abused you’re a victim yes
I understand that there should be
sympathy inside of being a victim for
something that happened but that’s the
key something that happened if it’s
happening that’s at work we’re talking a
completely different thing here and I
want to make sure that’s clear if you’re
currently being abused or currently
being you know victimized then please
seek help and it’s not being a victim to
ask for help
what’s really to me being a victim is
you’re past it it’s happened and now you
just keep replaying that in your head
over and over and over again I was the
last time I was molested I was about
seven six and a half seven years old I
carried that and again I was physically
abused after but I’m talking sexually
molested molestation I carried that
tells about 16 years old inside of me
and constantly told that story every day
anytime something would go bad in my
life
I would just look at people and be like
well you know this is what happened to
me and da-da-da-da-da and it when I was
16 I stopped and I thought that person
hasn’t touched me for nine ten years
yeah they continually touch me every
single day of my life so who’s really in
control who really even though I was
like trying to be the big bad like
they’ll never hurt me again you know
whatever I was still allowing them to
hurt me every single day so I let go of
that control so being a victim is being
completely powerless and and taking away
all control you might have which
ultimately doesn’t make you feel safe
which ultimately doesn’t give you
happiness which ultimately doesn’t give
you prosperity and you know fill in the
blank and so what does being a victim
get you nothing absolutely nothing so if
you’re getting nothing from one
direction why not turn around and go to
the other direction I mean to me it’s a
really common sense but you have to
break down that and you have to give
people this understanding that it’s okay
to have had something happen to you like
you’re not a bad person because of that
and it sounds crazy unless somebody’s
watching this who’s gone through
something you know the guilt you feel
and the things that you carry that you
haven’t told anyone because you’re
or all these things that’s okay but
continuing to allow it to affect you
that’s on you that’s not on the abuser
that’s not on the situation that’s on
you it’s a choice you have to make I am
no longer gonna let this happen and so
that’s where I came up with this concept
of put the victim to bed and wake the
hero up instead and the next part of
that is you have to be a hero to
yourself before you can save the world
and so you have to have that moment of I
am Who I am I’m comfortable and who that
is and I’m gonna go out and use Who I am
in the world in the best way possible
for example troubled youth right I was
told that all your just your troubled
youths west so we need to help you and
I’m like no I’m not a troubled youth
like I’m I am a youth right so let’s get
where they were trouble I’m a happy
youth I’m a playful youth I’m a
successful youth like put the word fill
the word in there that you want and if
you believe the word trouble then much
like the stutter thing then that’s what
you are right you’re just perpetuating
that stereotype or that conversation
more and more and whenever I did that
whenever I wish I have my moments of
weakness where I would try and try and
then fail and as soon as I’d start like
just kind of okay you know but just like
everything like frumpy and just like
alright I’m just gonna give up that’s
when my life became worse and worse and
I started making worse decisions and
then I started realizing like wait if I
just keep pushing over here it’s hard
it’s hard as hell there’s no easy answer
to this there’s no like okay well every
morning at six o’clock you know wake up
and meditate for ten minutes and tell
yourself you’re beautiful and then go
like it’s not it doesn’t work like that
it’s a constant battle and you’re gonna
have moments of complete and total
defeat where it’s just like what am i
doing like why do I keep trying to do
this and it for me again who’s just
reminding myself if I want these happy
moments I want to have this life and and
so it just it started to perpetuate in
little things that I would see like a
new friend at school or a relationship
or you know its start to like blossom
into different things and then with the
business it would be oh wow like I can
go and sell and I can do and as soon as
I started like seeing just a little bit
of progress then that motivated me for
the next and the next and just build and
build and build and I’d still say I’m
building like I still have issues but
it’s just focusing on that
different conversation telling a
different story and the story you want
and that’s the first thing I tell you
this’ like look don’t look at my story
you don’t look at someone else’s story
what’s the story you want you may have
had something happen and I always say
it’s your eighth birthday all you ever
wanted was the Elmo doll right you told
your grandma your grandpa your friends
your everyone mom dad all I want is an
Elmo doll your birthday comes around you
get an Xbox a mountain bike and $500 and
gift certificates but no Elmo doll now
for 20 years you’re living your life and
every time you’re in a relationship
you’ll text you’ll do something and they
won’t respond to you or you ask for
something you don’t get it and every
time you have this self-sabotaging thing
in a relationship where you go to the
person who say you never listen to you
never hear what I’m saying even though
that person’s doing so many other things
for you when you’re asking for certain
things it’s not being reciprocated you
go all the way back to that 8th year
that that barometer that benchmark that
was set that all you wanted was an Elmo
doll regardless of all the cool stuff
you just got you didn’t get an Elmo at
all so thus people weren’t listening to
your feelings aren’t being validated and
heard and you’re 28 years old figuring
out why you can’t have relationships and
the Elmo doll effect is actually a real
case that I worked on it was just kind
of like breaking through and figuring
out where was that set up where this
person was just you know self-sabotaging
every single time and it comes came out
to be that they wanted something for
their birthday when they were younger
and they didn’t get it and they’ve been
holding on to that and ian’s and even
like admitted to themselves that every
Christmas they’re thinking like yeah
finally I’ll get it you know it’s like
28 29 years old as soon as they release
that it’s like they’re not playing the
victim anymore so that may seem like
really silly in all this other stuff
we’ve been talking about but to to
people who are watching this who haven’t
gone through something horrific you may
be holding on to something as simple as
a stupid little Elmo doll that’s
affecting your belief system your story
and giving you limits in your life
instead of creating a limitless
and how do you teach people to go back
and sort of get new perspective on the
ELMO doll it’s it’s really you know just
quiet space kind of putting yourself in
a position of just really kind of going
through and time lining your life and I
usually start with like what’s your
first childhood memory and then from
there you know you can kind of start
architecting and building different
story and figuring out like where things
happened but I think that most people
they know what’s holding them back at
some level and they just don’t want to
be honest with it and they’ll do a lot
to bury it and the older you get the
more it gets married but I think if you
really look back on your life you can
say okay that’s it and I just don’t want
to take ownership of that and a lot of
times it’s like I said that shame
whether it happened to you or you did it
you know it’s that shame of just let go
a shame wait if anything we’ve proven in
this world like we’re we’re a world of
forgiveness like we will forgive people
who are honest and vulnerable and real
but you’ve got to be that first in order
for us to you know but you got to do
that for yourself first you got to
forgive yourself the simplicity of just
knowing that you’re not alone is is
really not simple it’s it’s massive
because in those dark moments you are
alone for the most part you are
physically alone and so then it’s not
that hard to take it from a physical to
a mental state of I’m the only one being
molested I’m the only one being beaten
I’m the only one with alcoholic parents
I’m the only one with a mom and dad who
hate each other I’m the only one that
lives in a really wealthy community but
everyone’s lying to each other like you
it’s really simple for that to happen
but the the reality is is you’re not and
when you’re not alone you have community
what does community give you safety
right it all comes back to like being
safe and if I feel safe then I have
power and then I can do something and
control and all these different elements
so you know yes that’s huge and it’s a
massive thing that we talk about you
know not being alone but in my opinion
it comes down to self-worth and
eliminating shame from these things so
we can have real conversations so that
just doesn’t become something that
people have to deal with alone a human
project is on a huge mission like I know
that I know we can’t do it alone that’s
why we’re enlisting the help that we’re
listing make we’re not this isn’t this
isn’t a simple problem to solve in the
sense of the global aspect of it but the
solution is simple and it just has to be
understood right like I’ve I’ve been
asked hundreds of times
why are you Wes right why aren’t you the
stereotypical like you’re abused you
went through this your dad’s an
alcoholic your mom’s this you’re like
why aren’t you in that pool I made a
choice that’s it
I made a choice I made a choice that I
didn’t want to be that there’s nothing
special about me there’s nothing
miraculous about Who I am
the only miraculous cool thing is I
don’t have to eat or sleep sometimes
like that’s it
I just made one choice I was 16 years
old and I was no longer gonna be a
victim and I was gonna be a hero to
myself and that I was going to change my
life and I had no idea that would leave
me here and no idea I’d be here in the
set talking to you doing what we’re
doing knowing that was never part of the
plan the only thing I knew is I didn’t
want to be the victim and this other
trajectory of life I wanted something
different so I made that choice and now
I’m here so if you’re listening to this
and you’re thinking you’ve made all
these different choices and your life is
in one direction make one different
choice just one see where it goes
you
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