I had so many dreams of where I wanted
to go who I wanted to be and what I
wanted to do theatre companies I wanted
to start with classmates movies I wanted
to be in directors I wanted to work with
stories i readed to tell it might take a
little time I thought but it would
happen when i sat there excuse me
22 years ago what I didn’t want to think
about is where I would be tomorrow what
I would have to start to do tomorrow and
I graduated in 1991 a great year a time
of resurgence for independent films in
this country a time of relatively
affordable rent in New York video I see
I assumed that I could make a living
writing my plays acting way off off off
Broadway and hopefully well one day join
the actors I loved and respected in
those independent films TV oh what no
what you kidding me no didn’t even
consider that I had much more class than
that much more self-respect than that
what I didn’t have was cash a bank
account
a credit card or an apartment I pax a
life that I knew with socks and a
toothbrush into my backpack and I slept
on couch after couch after couch after
couch at friends apartments in New York
until I wore out their rent paying
roommates welcome I didn’t want a day
job I was an actor I was a writer I was
at Bennington graduate I had to get a
day job I dusted pianos at a piano store
on Ludlow Street for five months I
worked on the property of a Shakespeare
scholar for a year pulling weeds and
removing business I went on unemployment
once but for not for long I couldn’t
handle the guilt eventually I was able
to pay rent for a spot on the floor of
an apartment on the Lower East Side but
my roommate had a breakdown and
disappeared he later resurfaced in a
religious cult
I helped hang paintings at galleries
paintings that inspired inspire you to
think I could do that and then finally
after two years of job and couchsurfing
I got a job
an application processing as a data
enter er at a place called professional
examination services and I stayed for
six years six years longer than my time
at Bennington from the age of 23 to 29
while they loved me there I was funny I
wore black no cape no tights I smoked in
the loading docks with the guys from the
mailroom and we shared how hungover we
all were
I called him thick almost every Friday
because I was out late the night before
I hated that job and I clung to that job
[Music]
because of that job I could afford my
own place so I lived in Williamsburg
Brooklyn my rent was $400 a month my
dream of running a theater company with
my friend and fellow Bennington graduate
Ian Bell had died I won’t go into those
details but neither one of us had any
business sense and the theater we lived
in it had no heat or hot water so Ian
moved out to Seattle and I moved up to
the street to my loft and I still didn’t
have heat in 1993 industrial loft meant
not legal to live there so I had no heat
no acting agent but I had a cat named
Brian who told me of the world outside
this is a happy ending
[Music]
when I was 29 I told myself the next
acting job I get no matter what it pays
I will from now on for better or worse
be a working actor so I quit my position
at the professional examination services
my friends really weren’t happy about
that because he was so easy to find me
when I worked there work there was the
only place I had the Internet this was
at the beginning of the Internet and now
I didn’t have either the internet for a
cellphone for a job but something good
happened
I got a low-paying theater job in a play
called imperfect love which led to a
film called 13 moons with the same
writer which led to other roles just
like the other roles and I’ve worked as
an actor ever since I didn’t know that
would happen at 29 walking away from the
data processing I was terrified
ten years in a place without heat six
years at a job I felt stuck in maybe I
was afraid of change are you my parents
didn’t have much money but they
struggled to send me to the best school
and one of the most important things
they did for me and graduates maybe you
don’t want to hear this is that once I
graduated I was on my own
financially it was my turn but this made
me very hungry literally I couldn’t be
lazy
I couldn’t be and so at 29 in a very
long last I was in the company of the
actors and writers and directors
I thought out that first year that first
day after school I was I am either stuff
[Music]
raised the rest of your life to meet you
don’t search for defining moments
because they will never come
well the birth of your children okay to
get it back but I just six months she’s
my life is forever change and that’s
most defining moment ever but I’m
talking about on the rest of your life
and most important in your work the
moments that define you have already
happened and they will already happen
again in the passes so quickly
so please bring each other along with
you everyone you need is in this road
[Music]
these are the shiny more important a
rhythm set then just like it did after
your first few days here just try not to
wait until like me you’re 29 before you
find it and if you are that’s fine too
some of us never find it but you will I
promise you you are already here that’s
such an enormous step all its own you’ll
find your rhythm or continue the one you
have already found I was walking
downtown in Manhattan of the day and I
was approached by a group of very sweet
young lady they didn’t know what to say
or couldn’t form the words but it came
out that they were NYU freshmen and they
were majoring in musical theater but
chorus come on there are like science
majors we were running after me
what musicals are you doing I inquired
well one of them said looking down at
her shoes we aren’t allowed to be in
plays or yet our freshman year now they
were paying a very high tuition to not
do what they love doing I think I said
well hang in there what I should have
said was don’t wait until they tell you
you are ready get in there
sing the world might say you are not
allowed to yet I waited a long time out
in the world before I gave myself
permission to fail please don’t even
bother asking don’t bother telling the
world you are ready show it
do it what did Beckett say ever tried
ever failed no matter
try again fail again fail better the
world is yours
treat everyone kindly and light up the
night
to go who I wanted to be and what I
wanted to do theatre companies I wanted
to start with classmates movies I wanted
to be in directors I wanted to work with
stories i readed to tell it might take a
little time I thought but it would
happen when i sat there excuse me
22 years ago what I didn’t want to think
about is where I would be tomorrow what
I would have to start to do tomorrow and
I graduated in 1991 a great year a time
of resurgence for independent films in
this country a time of relatively
affordable rent in New York video I see
I assumed that I could make a living
writing my plays acting way off off off
Broadway and hopefully well one day join
the actors I loved and respected in
those independent films TV oh what no
what you kidding me no didn’t even
consider that I had much more class than
that much more self-respect than that
what I didn’t have was cash a bank
account
a credit card or an apartment I pax a
life that I knew with socks and a
toothbrush into my backpack and I slept
on couch after couch after couch after
couch at friends apartments in New York
until I wore out their rent paying
roommates welcome I didn’t want a day
job I was an actor I was a writer I was
at Bennington graduate I had to get a
day job I dusted pianos at a piano store
on Ludlow Street for five months I
worked on the property of a Shakespeare
scholar for a year pulling weeds and
removing business I went on unemployment
once but for not for long I couldn’t
handle the guilt eventually I was able
to pay rent for a spot on the floor of
an apartment on the Lower East Side but
my roommate had a breakdown and
disappeared he later resurfaced in a
religious cult
I helped hang paintings at galleries
paintings that inspired inspire you to
think I could do that and then finally
after two years of job and couchsurfing
I got a job
an application processing as a data
enter er at a place called professional
examination services and I stayed for
six years six years longer than my time
at Bennington from the age of 23 to 29
while they loved me there I was funny I
wore black no cape no tights I smoked in
the loading docks with the guys from the
mailroom and we shared how hungover we
all were
I called him thick almost every Friday
because I was out late the night before
I hated that job and I clung to that job
[Music]
because of that job I could afford my
own place so I lived in Williamsburg
Brooklyn my rent was $400 a month my
dream of running a theater company with
my friend and fellow Bennington graduate
Ian Bell had died I won’t go into those
details but neither one of us had any
business sense and the theater we lived
in it had no heat or hot water so Ian
moved out to Seattle and I moved up to
the street to my loft and I still didn’t
have heat in 1993 industrial loft meant
not legal to live there so I had no heat
no acting agent but I had a cat named
Brian who told me of the world outside
this is a happy ending
[Music]
when I was 29 I told myself the next
acting job I get no matter what it pays
I will from now on for better or worse
be a working actor so I quit my position
at the professional examination services
my friends really weren’t happy about
that because he was so easy to find me
when I worked there work there was the
only place I had the Internet this was
at the beginning of the Internet and now
I didn’t have either the internet for a
cellphone for a job but something good
happened
I got a low-paying theater job in a play
called imperfect love which led to a
film called 13 moons with the same
writer which led to other roles just
like the other roles and I’ve worked as
an actor ever since I didn’t know that
would happen at 29 walking away from the
data processing I was terrified
ten years in a place without heat six
years at a job I felt stuck in maybe I
was afraid of change are you my parents
didn’t have much money but they
struggled to send me to the best school
and one of the most important things
they did for me and graduates maybe you
don’t want to hear this is that once I
graduated I was on my own
financially it was my turn but this made
me very hungry literally I couldn’t be
lazy
I couldn’t be and so at 29 in a very
long last I was in the company of the
actors and writers and directors
I thought out that first year that first
day after school I was I am either stuff
[Music]
raised the rest of your life to meet you
don’t search for defining moments
because they will never come
well the birth of your children okay to
get it back but I just six months she’s
my life is forever change and that’s
most defining moment ever but I’m
talking about on the rest of your life
and most important in your work the
moments that define you have already
happened and they will already happen
again in the passes so quickly
so please bring each other along with
you everyone you need is in this road
[Music]
these are the shiny more important a
rhythm set then just like it did after
your first few days here just try not to
wait until like me you’re 29 before you
find it and if you are that’s fine too
some of us never find it but you will I
promise you you are already here that’s
such an enormous step all its own you’ll
find your rhythm or continue the one you
have already found I was walking
downtown in Manhattan of the day and I
was approached by a group of very sweet
young lady they didn’t know what to say
or couldn’t form the words but it came
out that they were NYU freshmen and they
were majoring in musical theater but
chorus come on there are like science
majors we were running after me
what musicals are you doing I inquired
well one of them said looking down at
her shoes we aren’t allowed to be in
plays or yet our freshman year now they
were paying a very high tuition to not
do what they love doing I think I said
well hang in there what I should have
said was don’t wait until they tell you
you are ready get in there
sing the world might say you are not
allowed to yet I waited a long time out
in the world before I gave myself
permission to fail please don’t even
bother asking don’t bother telling the
world you are ready show it
do it what did Beckett say ever tried
ever failed no matter
try again fail again fail better the
world is yours
treat everyone kindly and light up the
night
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