there is no magic one-size-fits-all
solution when it comes to habits or
happiness or anything I got to the point
where I thought you know I’d rather fail
as a writer than succeed as a lawyer so
I don’t want to have to depend on the
New York Times to put to review my book
for you to hear about it need motivation
what’s the top ten rules video with the
leave nation what’s that belief nation
it’s seven I believe in you and this
channel is designed to be a part of your
daily success routine so let’s get your
motivation to attend and get you
believing in you grab a snack and chew
on today’s lessons from a woman who went
from going to law school and beginning
her career as a lawyer to dropping it
all to pursue her love of writing
becoming a best-selling author and
award-winning podcaster he’s got Jen
Rubin and here’s my take on her top ten
rules of success
also if you want wisdom from JK Rowling
shonda rhimes Anne Rice and other
writers check out my 254 writers wisdom
series where every day for the next 254
days I will send you a morning video for
free to help you as a writer the link to
join is an inscription below the
knowledge that you have emerged wiser
and stronger from setbacks means that
you are ever after secure in your
ability to survive we’re literally not
allowed to play Scrabble in my house
because of it
because the fights that break out it’s
really basically this right what makes a
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one know yourself a lot of times people
are sort of like these are the seven
habits of highly creative people they do
this they get up early in the morning
they write 800 words a day then you know
and it’s and you’re like oh that’s what
I need to do and then I’ll be highly
creative know what I found and I think
it’s just irrefutable true is that there
is no magic one-size-fits-all solution
when it comes to habits or happiness or
anything and then we always have to
begin by saying like what’s true for us
so you might say oh you know I get up at
5 a.m. and write and my 5 to 7:00 a.m.
is you know it’s quiet my mind is fresh
I just done my meditate it’s like
amazing this is what everybody should do
but it’s like well some people are night
people and they’re not at their most
creative until 4 p.m. so for them to get
up early and try to write it’s like
nonsensical it does it’s just not right
for them it’s not that you’re wrong or
they’re wrong it’s just that people are
different and so when you’re trying to
have create your habits it’s really
important to start by saying well what
kind of person am I what’s true about me
you know and like another thing that
comes up is simplicity lovers and
abundance lovers simplicity lovers like
clean surfaces bare walls you know quiet
few choices and that’s how they feel
like they can they have focus and
creativity and energy abundance levers
like a lot of buzz a lot of profusion a
lot of choices people running around a
lot going on there’s nothing wrong with
that either and a lot of times people
are like if you’re gonna be creative you
have to clean up your desk no think it’s
not different it’s not necessarily true
and I’m sure you’ve seen them all the
amazing book Mason Mason careers book
daily rituals but is all about the
habits of the like super super genius
people and what you see they’re all over
the place they’re all over the place so
one person’s gets up early in one person
stays up late one person drinks coffee
and one person drinks what can one
person works in a crowd and one person
works over themselves and one person
works a half an hour a day like Gertrude
Stein another person works 14 hours a
day like PG Wodehouse I mean it’s like
there’s just you can’t prescribe you
have to begin by knowing yourself and so
I think that’s the first thing for
people to do say well what do I
recognize when do I do my best work when
do I succeeded in the past what attracts
what a what idea attracts me does it
attract me the idea that I would get up
at five and maybe that maybe that sounds
great
or maybe that says look you know even
you just sort of think about it I think
a lot of times we just we’re sort of
again we’re kind of adrift and we’re
reacting instead of saying like what’s
true for me how should i shape my
environment my schedule as much as I can
to see myself is it fair to say that in
Gretchen Rubens world that step one is
knowing yourself yes
rule number two do what you love you
went to law school then you actually
went into law you’re kind of getting
starting your law career and then you
realize I don’t want to be doing this
you’re absolutely right I had started my
career in law one of the things that
helped me I suggest this to people
generally is that is to think about whom
do you envy because Envy is a very very
unpleasant emotion but it’s it reveals a
lot and one of the things that helped me
as I was figuring out whether I wanted
to try to be a writer was when I would
read the alum notes in my college
magazine people who had cool law jobs I
was like oh that sounds interesting but
then when people had cool writing jobs I
just felt sick with envy and so I began
and also at that time I started to have
an idea for a book that I wanted to
write called which was published called
power money fame sacks the user’s guide
and I began to realize you know I’m
writing this book on the weekend but
some people wrote a book as their job
and my sister was a professional writer
she’s a TV writer and I just I got to
the point where I thought you know I’d
rather fail as a writer than succeed as
a lawyer and if I’m in my husband and I
were moving from Washington to DC to New
York so there was this sort of logical
transition and I thought if I don’t try
it now if I get another law job I’m not
sure I will ever have like the
wherewithal to make a switch so this is
my moment this is the obvious time to
give it a shot
so why don’t I try and so I went to the
bookstore and got a book called
something like how to write and sell
your non-fiction book proposal and just
follow the directions rule number three
act the way you want to feel back the
way I want to feel so this is
interesting
psychological research shows that people
think we think that we act because of
the way we feel I’m throwing things
because I’m angry but a very great
extent we feel because of the way we act
so
if I feel resentful but I act kind I’m
gonna feel more kindly and so it’s very
hard for us to directly affect our
emotions it’s really tricky to control
your emotional state but you can’t
control behavior and so if we act the
way we want to feel then we’re gonna
feel the way we want to feel rule number
four connect directly with your audience
what are you doing differently as an
author to get your message out there
then to make sure that your books are
being you know getting in the hands of
people and one thing that I really
strive to do is to have a direct
connection with my readers and listeners
I want to directly connect with them so
I don’t want to have to depend on the
New York Times to review my book for you
to hear about it so but that’s what I
think of your direct connection is
having the direct connection because
then you’re not dependent on these on
these middlemen who might support you
might not it might not be the right
thing for them so they’re not gonna pick
it up maybe like every nobody is looking
at this anymore it doesn’t have the
social power that it once had it doesn’t
have it doesn’t command the same
attention than it once had so you’ve got
a but you know it’s like and then even
to do that people are like oh the email
lists know people aren’t answering their
emails oh you got to have a Facebook you
know all these that itself is evolving
all the time how do you maintain a
constantly changing so I think for some
writers the in their heart of hearts
they feel like it’s a distraction to be
connected to readers and listeners
because they’re sort of like well I just
need to go up into my thing but for me
it’s just it’s so illuminating
rule number five get into the arena this
is why I think all this new technology
is so great because like you can have a
blog and you can be blogging regularly
and that can be part of your identity
and so you are right in your lawyer but
you’re also writing your your you are
part of the blogger identity you know
there’s ways now that you can enter into
the fray used to be we’re either an
unpublished writer or you were a
published writer but now it’s like you
could be self-published you could be
published online you could have an
amazing Twitter feed that like a million
people follow like there’s so many ways
I feel you could get into the arena now
in a way that you control yourself
there’s no gatekeeper to keep you out
and you can you can start putting it out
there and seeing what response you get
and then
like you know I know people I know
literary agents who have seen people
stuff online and and and and said to
them like do you want a write a book
because your stuff is really good
now that’s rare rare yeah that doesn’t
build your life right don’t build your
life run it but again it’s like sort of
put yourself out there and kind of own
whatever it is that you want to do and
it kind of low stakes low investment way
because it can really pay off then later
when you’re trying to make that
transition rule number six don’t keep
score no calculation was that mean oh
this comes from my spiritual master
saint torres and she said when one loves
one does not calculate and I’m kind of a
bean-counter
like I did this for you so now you
should do this for me like especially in
marriage like kinky score yeah score
keeping is not the loving way so just
let it like just do it
about doing a thing and then wanting
your husband junior to say wow wasn’t
that wonderful bad exactly you’re like
since you did this like you had your
turn now I had my turn but no
calculation is like no keeping score no
keeping score so how have you eliminated
that keeping score for yourself I
haven’t done it a hundred percent yes
but just the reminder I mean one of the
things I like about the personal
Commandments is because they’re very
short I can kind of keep them in mind
all the time and when I catch myself in
that cycle of scorekeeping I’ll say to
myself no calculation no calculation
that’s not what I want for myself you
know I want to expect myself to behave
that rule number seven just do your best
so I was going in for my big interview
it was justice O’Connor and I was very
nervous and fortunately I happen to have
a friend who had gotten there the year
before and was clerking for the chief
justice and so he had lunch with me
before it sort of you know be a friendly
face and so I said to him I was like the
thing is Jim do you ever worry whether
you’re good enough to do the job like I
worry like can I really handle it and he
looked at me and he said Gretchen she’s
a justice on the Supreme Court she’s
hired dozens of clerks it’s her problem
to figure out if you are good enough to
do the job you have to focus on trying
to get the job I found that enormous ly
comforting and now often when I’m
thinking like oh I don’t know am I good
enough am I gonna be able to pull this
off
I think to myself you know what it’s for
other people to decide whether I’m good
enough it’s my job to worry about
whether I’m just doing my best rule
number eight hold yourself accountable
and accountability is a ubiquitous
feature of our lives deadlines help us
get our work done grades help us study
attendance records help us get our
children to school on time whenever we
know that someone’s watching even when
it’s just ourselves watching we do a
better job now for just about everyone
accountability is helpful but
accountability is absolutely critically
crucial to obligers obligers depend on
structures of external accountability to
get things done so if your obligor or
you’re working with someone who’s
obligor just remember that you have to
have those forms of external
accountability deadlines late fees
accountability partners any any time
there’s somebody who’s gonna be watching
who’s gonna notice if someone does or
doesn’t do whatever it is they’re
supposed to do and so for for many
people the reason why financial planners
nutritionists executive coaches personal
organizers financial planners you know
health concierge has all these the
reason that it’s can be super helpful is
because not only do they give expertise
and good advice but they also help
people feel accountable now one question
about accountability is are you do you
like public accountability or private
accountability for a lot of people it
really helps to go public to announce to
people this is what I’m doing and by
announcing it by going on the record you
really help yourself feel accountable
knowing that other people are know what
you’re supposed to be doing helps you
stick to what at whatever habit is that
you’re trying to do but for other people
private is better as somebody told me
she said when I make a resolution public
it’s like the magic goes out of it so
there’s no right way or wrong way it’s
just whatever works best for you
now speaking as an app holder I you
would say the accountability that works
that I respond very well to outer
accountability but I also respond very
well the inner accountability so
something like my resolutions charts
that I developed as part of my Happiness
Project work really well for me because
I’m whole
myself accountable Ori now I wear a
jawbone up band and no one else sees
this I don’t have any team members that
I share information with but just the
fact that I know what I’m doing I hold
myself accountable rule number nine seek
happiness happiness has a surprisingly
bad reputation and a lot of people feel
very uncomfortable with the idea that
they would seek to be happier sometimes
this is because they feel that in a
world so full of suffering it’s not
morally appropriate to seek to be
happier or they feel like well a happy
person is just complacent sits around
thinking about their own satisfaction
all the time but in fact research shows
that happy people are more interested in
the problems of the world happier people
are more altruistic they give away more
money they volunteer more time you’re
more likely to help out if a family
member or a friend needs a hand when
we’re unhappy it’s very easy to become
defensive isolated and preoccupied with
our own problems but when we’re happy we
have the emotional wherewithal to turn
outward and to think about other people
and the problems of the world and rule
number 10 the last one before a very
special bonus clip is persuade don’t
bully I love Aesop’s fables and um so
I’m gonna tell the story of one of the
most famous and I think most useful of
Aesop’s fables so this is the fable of
the wind and the Sun so the wind and the
Sun were having an argument about who
was the more powerful and they decided
that they would settle it with a bet and
what they bet was that they spotted a
traveler on a road and they said who was
would be able to get the cloak away from
that traveler and whoever did was the
stronger so the wind went first and the
wind turned on his mighty force and blue
icy wind at the traveler and almost blew
the cloak right off of the travelers
shoulders but the traveler was you know
felt the wind felt the cold and so
gripped the cloak so tightly that
eventually the wind had to give up and
say that he couldn’t get the cloak away
from the traveler so then it was the
sun’s turned and the Sun shone down on
the traveller like these beaming rays
and as the traveler walked along he
loosened his grip and eventually he was
became so hot that he ripped the cloak
off and threw it on the
and the Sun one and so the moral of the
fable is that persuasion is more
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
with Gretchen on how to have clarity but
before that it’s time for the
three-point landing questions time to
move from just watching another video to
taking action in your life or business
and if you’re feeling bold leave your
answers in the comments below
here we go question number one what does
happiness look like for you number two
how can you hold yourself accountable to
achieving it and number three where do
and the strategy of clarity is that if
you’re having trouble sticking to a
habit it might be that there’s some kind
of lack of clarity in your mind about
what exactly RuPt you and there’s two
kinds of clarity one is clarity of
values and one is clarity of action so
clarity of values is what is it that you
really want what is it that you’re
trying to achieve in this situation and
a lot of times we don’t have clarity
because there’s two things that we want
where we feel ambivalent like we kind of
want one thing but we kind of want the
other something seems really important
to other people but it’s not really that
important to us so what are we gonna do
for example here’s some common areas
where there’s a lack of clarity on the
one hand I want to get more sleep on the
other hand I want some time each day to
talk to my sweetheart watch TV and have
fun or I want to be frugal but I also
want to join it too I want to plan for
the future by saving for retirement but
I also want to enjoy the present by
traveling or I want to drink less but I
want to be the life of the party
until you have two things that you’re
not really clear what you’re pursuing
and so the more you really just think
about in this situation what is it that
you want to ask of yourself what is it
that you want to achieve in this
circumstance and once you have clarity a
lot of times your habits can follow very
easily or you can make decisions that
are gonna make it easier to stick your
habits one of my favorite examples of
this is this couple that I heard about
where they were having this big argument
one of them was like we need to keep the
house clean and comfortable it’s like
it’s always messy it’s always dirty we
got to put time into this and the other
one was like no we both work really hard
we need to be come home and have leisure
and have time to just hang out so
they’re fighting and fighting and
fighting finally they go to couples
therapy fighting fighting fighting who’s
right who’s wrong what should we do and
then finally they were like no they quit
couples therapy and use the money
instead of for a couples therapy to use
once a week cleaning service once they
got clarity about what the real issue
was there was a way to solve it and so
clarity is super important so that’s
clarity of values what is it that you
want what’s the value that you want to
serve in a particular situation and then
there’s also clarity of action and this
is the very simple obvious point that
when you’re trying to form a habit habit
is gonna instill more easily if it’s
very specific what you’re expecting from
yourself so instead of thinking oh well
I want to eat healthfully you say
I’m gonna pack a lunch and ticket to
work everyday or instead of saying I
want to get more sleep you say I want to
get at least seven and a half hours of
sleep every night so I’m gonna go to bed
at 10:30 every night if I’m home and so
the more specific you are about that the
clearer you are about the particular
action that you’re taking the more
likely it is that that habit is going to
if you like this video check out the top
10 I did on Marie Forleo the link is
right there next to me I think you’ll
enjoy it continue to believe and I’ll
see you there
start before you’re ready if you wait
until you feel ready to do anything
meaningful you’re gonna be waiting for the rest of your life
solution when it comes to habits or
happiness or anything I got to the point
where I thought you know I’d rather fail
as a writer than succeed as a lawyer so
I don’t want to have to depend on the
New York Times to put to review my book
for you to hear about it need motivation
what’s the top ten rules video with the
leave nation what’s that belief nation
it’s seven I believe in you and this
channel is designed to be a part of your
daily success routine so let’s get your
motivation to attend and get you
believing in you grab a snack and chew
on today’s lessons from a woman who went
from going to law school and beginning
her career as a lawyer to dropping it
all to pursue her love of writing
becoming a best-selling author and
award-winning podcaster he’s got Jen
Rubin and here’s my take on her top ten
rules of success
also if you want wisdom from JK Rowling
shonda rhimes Anne Rice and other
writers check out my 254 writers wisdom
series where every day for the next 254
days I will send you a morning video for
free to help you as a writer the link to
join is an inscription below the
knowledge that you have emerged wiser
and stronger from setbacks means that
you are ever after secure in your
ability to survive we’re literally not
allowed to play Scrabble in my house
because of it
because the fights that break out it’s
really basically this right what makes a
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one know yourself a lot of times people
are sort of like these are the seven
habits of highly creative people they do
this they get up early in the morning
they write 800 words a day then you know
and it’s and you’re like oh that’s what
I need to do and then I’ll be highly
creative know what I found and I think
it’s just irrefutable true is that there
is no magic one-size-fits-all solution
when it comes to habits or happiness or
anything and then we always have to
begin by saying like what’s true for us
so you might say oh you know I get up at
5 a.m. and write and my 5 to 7:00 a.m.
is you know it’s quiet my mind is fresh
I just done my meditate it’s like
amazing this is what everybody should do
but it’s like well some people are night
people and they’re not at their most
creative until 4 p.m. so for them to get
up early and try to write it’s like
nonsensical it does it’s just not right
for them it’s not that you’re wrong or
they’re wrong it’s just that people are
different and so when you’re trying to
have create your habits it’s really
important to start by saying well what
kind of person am I what’s true about me
you know and like another thing that
comes up is simplicity lovers and
abundance lovers simplicity lovers like
clean surfaces bare walls you know quiet
few choices and that’s how they feel
like they can they have focus and
creativity and energy abundance levers
like a lot of buzz a lot of profusion a
lot of choices people running around a
lot going on there’s nothing wrong with
that either and a lot of times people
are like if you’re gonna be creative you
have to clean up your desk no think it’s
not different it’s not necessarily true
and I’m sure you’ve seen them all the
amazing book Mason Mason careers book
daily rituals but is all about the
habits of the like super super genius
people and what you see they’re all over
the place they’re all over the place so
one person’s gets up early in one person
stays up late one person drinks coffee
and one person drinks what can one
person works in a crowd and one person
works over themselves and one person
works a half an hour a day like Gertrude
Stein another person works 14 hours a
day like PG Wodehouse I mean it’s like
there’s just you can’t prescribe you
have to begin by knowing yourself and so
I think that’s the first thing for
people to do say well what do I
recognize when do I do my best work when
do I succeeded in the past what attracts
what a what idea attracts me does it
attract me the idea that I would get up
at five and maybe that maybe that sounds
great
or maybe that says look you know even
you just sort of think about it I think
a lot of times we just we’re sort of
again we’re kind of adrift and we’re
reacting instead of saying like what’s
true for me how should i shape my
environment my schedule as much as I can
to see myself is it fair to say that in
Gretchen Rubens world that step one is
knowing yourself yes
rule number two do what you love you
went to law school then you actually
went into law you’re kind of getting
starting your law career and then you
realize I don’t want to be doing this
you’re absolutely right I had started my
career in law one of the things that
helped me I suggest this to people
generally is that is to think about whom
do you envy because Envy is a very very
unpleasant emotion but it’s it reveals a
lot and one of the things that helped me
as I was figuring out whether I wanted
to try to be a writer was when I would
read the alum notes in my college
magazine people who had cool law jobs I
was like oh that sounds interesting but
then when people had cool writing jobs I
just felt sick with envy and so I began
and also at that time I started to have
an idea for a book that I wanted to
write called which was published called
power money fame sacks the user’s guide
and I began to realize you know I’m
writing this book on the weekend but
some people wrote a book as their job
and my sister was a professional writer
she’s a TV writer and I just I got to
the point where I thought you know I’d
rather fail as a writer than succeed as
a lawyer and if I’m in my husband and I
were moving from Washington to DC to New
York so there was this sort of logical
transition and I thought if I don’t try
it now if I get another law job I’m not
sure I will ever have like the
wherewithal to make a switch so this is
my moment this is the obvious time to
give it a shot
so why don’t I try and so I went to the
bookstore and got a book called
something like how to write and sell
your non-fiction book proposal and just
follow the directions rule number three
act the way you want to feel back the
way I want to feel so this is
interesting
psychological research shows that people
think we think that we act because of
the way we feel I’m throwing things
because I’m angry but a very great
extent we feel because of the way we act
so
if I feel resentful but I act kind I’m
gonna feel more kindly and so it’s very
hard for us to directly affect our
emotions it’s really tricky to control
your emotional state but you can’t
control behavior and so if we act the
way we want to feel then we’re gonna
feel the way we want to feel rule number
four connect directly with your audience
what are you doing differently as an
author to get your message out there
then to make sure that your books are
being you know getting in the hands of
people and one thing that I really
strive to do is to have a direct
connection with my readers and listeners
I want to directly connect with them so
I don’t want to have to depend on the
New York Times to review my book for you
to hear about it so but that’s what I
think of your direct connection is
having the direct connection because
then you’re not dependent on these on
these middlemen who might support you
might not it might not be the right
thing for them so they’re not gonna pick
it up maybe like every nobody is looking
at this anymore it doesn’t have the
social power that it once had it doesn’t
have it doesn’t command the same
attention than it once had so you’ve got
a but you know it’s like and then even
to do that people are like oh the email
lists know people aren’t answering their
emails oh you got to have a Facebook you
know all these that itself is evolving
all the time how do you maintain a
constantly changing so I think for some
writers the in their heart of hearts
they feel like it’s a distraction to be
connected to readers and listeners
because they’re sort of like well I just
need to go up into my thing but for me
it’s just it’s so illuminating
rule number five get into the arena this
is why I think all this new technology
is so great because like you can have a
blog and you can be blogging regularly
and that can be part of your identity
and so you are right in your lawyer but
you’re also writing your your you are
part of the blogger identity you know
there’s ways now that you can enter into
the fray used to be we’re either an
unpublished writer or you were a
published writer but now it’s like you
could be self-published you could be
published online you could have an
amazing Twitter feed that like a million
people follow like there’s so many ways
I feel you could get into the arena now
in a way that you control yourself
there’s no gatekeeper to keep you out
and you can you can start putting it out
there and seeing what response you get
and then
like you know I know people I know
literary agents who have seen people
stuff online and and and and said to
them like do you want a write a book
because your stuff is really good
now that’s rare rare yeah that doesn’t
build your life right don’t build your
life run it but again it’s like sort of
put yourself out there and kind of own
whatever it is that you want to do and
it kind of low stakes low investment way
because it can really pay off then later
when you’re trying to make that
transition rule number six don’t keep
score no calculation was that mean oh
this comes from my spiritual master
saint torres and she said when one loves
one does not calculate and I’m kind of a
bean-counter
like I did this for you so now you
should do this for me like especially in
marriage like kinky score yeah score
keeping is not the loving way so just
let it like just do it
about doing a thing and then wanting
your husband junior to say wow wasn’t
that wonderful bad exactly you’re like
since you did this like you had your
turn now I had my turn but no
calculation is like no keeping score no
keeping score so how have you eliminated
that keeping score for yourself I
haven’t done it a hundred percent yes
but just the reminder I mean one of the
things I like about the personal
Commandments is because they’re very
short I can kind of keep them in mind
all the time and when I catch myself in
that cycle of scorekeeping I’ll say to
myself no calculation no calculation
that’s not what I want for myself you
know I want to expect myself to behave
that rule number seven just do your best
so I was going in for my big interview
it was justice O’Connor and I was very
nervous and fortunately I happen to have
a friend who had gotten there the year
before and was clerking for the chief
justice and so he had lunch with me
before it sort of you know be a friendly
face and so I said to him I was like the
thing is Jim do you ever worry whether
you’re good enough to do the job like I
worry like can I really handle it and he
looked at me and he said Gretchen she’s
a justice on the Supreme Court she’s
hired dozens of clerks it’s her problem
to figure out if you are good enough to
do the job you have to focus on trying
to get the job I found that enormous ly
comforting and now often when I’m
thinking like oh I don’t know am I good
enough am I gonna be able to pull this
off
I think to myself you know what it’s for
other people to decide whether I’m good
enough it’s my job to worry about
whether I’m just doing my best rule
number eight hold yourself accountable
and accountability is a ubiquitous
feature of our lives deadlines help us
get our work done grades help us study
attendance records help us get our
children to school on time whenever we
know that someone’s watching even when
it’s just ourselves watching we do a
better job now for just about everyone
accountability is helpful but
accountability is absolutely critically
crucial to obligers obligers depend on
structures of external accountability to
get things done so if your obligor or
you’re working with someone who’s
obligor just remember that you have to
have those forms of external
accountability deadlines late fees
accountability partners any any time
there’s somebody who’s gonna be watching
who’s gonna notice if someone does or
doesn’t do whatever it is they’re
supposed to do and so for for many
people the reason why financial planners
nutritionists executive coaches personal
organizers financial planners you know
health concierge has all these the
reason that it’s can be super helpful is
because not only do they give expertise
and good advice but they also help
people feel accountable now one question
about accountability is are you do you
like public accountability or private
accountability for a lot of people it
really helps to go public to announce to
people this is what I’m doing and by
announcing it by going on the record you
really help yourself feel accountable
knowing that other people are know what
you’re supposed to be doing helps you
stick to what at whatever habit is that
you’re trying to do but for other people
private is better as somebody told me
she said when I make a resolution public
it’s like the magic goes out of it so
there’s no right way or wrong way it’s
just whatever works best for you
now speaking as an app holder I you
would say the accountability that works
that I respond very well to outer
accountability but I also respond very
well the inner accountability so
something like my resolutions charts
that I developed as part of my Happiness
Project work really well for me because
I’m whole
myself accountable Ori now I wear a
jawbone up band and no one else sees
this I don’t have any team members that
I share information with but just the
fact that I know what I’m doing I hold
myself accountable rule number nine seek
happiness happiness has a surprisingly
bad reputation and a lot of people feel
very uncomfortable with the idea that
they would seek to be happier sometimes
this is because they feel that in a
world so full of suffering it’s not
morally appropriate to seek to be
happier or they feel like well a happy
person is just complacent sits around
thinking about their own satisfaction
all the time but in fact research shows
that happy people are more interested in
the problems of the world happier people
are more altruistic they give away more
money they volunteer more time you’re
more likely to help out if a family
member or a friend needs a hand when
we’re unhappy it’s very easy to become
defensive isolated and preoccupied with
our own problems but when we’re happy we
have the emotional wherewithal to turn
outward and to think about other people
and the problems of the world and rule
number 10 the last one before a very
special bonus clip is persuade don’t
bully I love Aesop’s fables and um so
I’m gonna tell the story of one of the
most famous and I think most useful of
Aesop’s fables so this is the fable of
the wind and the Sun so the wind and the
Sun were having an argument about who
was the more powerful and they decided
that they would settle it with a bet and
what they bet was that they spotted a
traveler on a road and they said who was
would be able to get the cloak away from
that traveler and whoever did was the
stronger so the wind went first and the
wind turned on his mighty force and blue
icy wind at the traveler and almost blew
the cloak right off of the travelers
shoulders but the traveler was you know
felt the wind felt the cold and so
gripped the cloak so tightly that
eventually the wind had to give up and
say that he couldn’t get the cloak away
from the traveler so then it was the
sun’s turned and the Sun shone down on
the traveller like these beaming rays
and as the traveler walked along he
loosened his grip and eventually he was
became so hot that he ripped the cloak
off and threw it on the
and the Sun one and so the moral of the
fable is that persuasion is more
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
with Gretchen on how to have clarity but
before that it’s time for the
three-point landing questions time to
move from just watching another video to
taking action in your life or business
and if you’re feeling bold leave your
answers in the comments below
here we go question number one what does
happiness look like for you number two
how can you hold yourself accountable to
achieving it and number three where do
and the strategy of clarity is that if
you’re having trouble sticking to a
habit it might be that there’s some kind
of lack of clarity in your mind about
what exactly RuPt you and there’s two
kinds of clarity one is clarity of
values and one is clarity of action so
clarity of values is what is it that you
really want what is it that you’re
trying to achieve in this situation and
a lot of times we don’t have clarity
because there’s two things that we want
where we feel ambivalent like we kind of
want one thing but we kind of want the
other something seems really important
to other people but it’s not really that
important to us so what are we gonna do
for example here’s some common areas
where there’s a lack of clarity on the
one hand I want to get more sleep on the
other hand I want some time each day to
talk to my sweetheart watch TV and have
fun or I want to be frugal but I also
want to join it too I want to plan for
the future by saving for retirement but
I also want to enjoy the present by
traveling or I want to drink less but I
want to be the life of the party
until you have two things that you’re
not really clear what you’re pursuing
and so the more you really just think
about in this situation what is it that
you want to ask of yourself what is it
that you want to achieve in this
circumstance and once you have clarity a
lot of times your habits can follow very
easily or you can make decisions that
are gonna make it easier to stick your
habits one of my favorite examples of
this is this couple that I heard about
where they were having this big argument
one of them was like we need to keep the
house clean and comfortable it’s like
it’s always messy it’s always dirty we
got to put time into this and the other
one was like no we both work really hard
we need to be come home and have leisure
and have time to just hang out so
they’re fighting and fighting and
fighting finally they go to couples
therapy fighting fighting fighting who’s
right who’s wrong what should we do and
then finally they were like no they quit
couples therapy and use the money
instead of for a couples therapy to use
once a week cleaning service once they
got clarity about what the real issue
was there was a way to solve it and so
clarity is super important so that’s
clarity of values what is it that you
want what’s the value that you want to
serve in a particular situation and then
there’s also clarity of action and this
is the very simple obvious point that
when you’re trying to form a habit habit
is gonna instill more easily if it’s
very specific what you’re expecting from
yourself so instead of thinking oh well
I want to eat healthfully you say
I’m gonna pack a lunch and ticket to
work everyday or instead of saying I
want to get more sleep you say I want to
get at least seven and a half hours of
sleep every night so I’m gonna go to bed
at 10:30 every night if I’m home and so
the more specific you are about that the
clearer you are about the particular
action that you’re taking the more
likely it is that that habit is going to
if you like this video check out the top
10 I did on Marie Forleo the link is
right there next to me I think you’ll
enjoy it continue to believe and I’ll
see you there
start before you’re ready if you wait
until you feel ready to do anything
meaningful you’re gonna be waiting for the rest of your life
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