not saying I’m gonna rule the world or
I’m gonna change the world but I
guarantee that I will spark the the
brain that will change the world and
that’s our job is to spark somebody else
watching us we might not be the ones but
let’s not be selfish and because we’re
not gonna change the world let’s not
talk about how we should change it when
you’re young and you’re kid you have so
many I grew up in the hood man I’m Flint
Michigan where I’m from and they say if
you tear grew you can do anything you
want to do you can do anything you want
to do and then as soon as you go to
class you tell them what you want to do
and it I met what makes you think you’re
gonna do something like that man crazy
yeah and I say okay wait which one is it
now can I do in a kid I’d do it right so
I started to call people on that I
started to call people and I said you
know what I’m gonna go for it I’m gonna
just try something that I’ve never done
before I want to design furniture I want
to be a part of this thing that’s what
I’m going and you know what happened
it’s not work people started doing it
started happening
we took this furniture to my line which
we went in front of all the best people
in the whole world and it got accepted
and people were saying how great it was
and how beautiful it was and I said man
don’t never let anybody talk you out of
every single morning Monday through
Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I host a live
call-in radio show on Sirius satellite
radio it’s called make it happen with
Mel Robbins and the thing that’s been so
crazy about that show is every single
person that calls me on that show they
call in because they’re feeling stuck in
their lives and they’re resigned about
their ability to change their lives and
I’m not talking about people that are
nuts I’m talking about successful people
like you and me that just somehow got
stuck in their lives and I’m not talking
about people that are looking for cheesy
self-help
I’m talking about people that really
want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this and I also know
you’re sitting there like yeah the
self-help crap this isn’t for me but if
you just force yourself to take a couple
small steps there’s always a surprise
there’s always a surprise waiting stay
in front of a competition because
there’s two ways this industry you you
move with it or it moves you and I’ve
seen so many sad stories across the
decade where chefs have just got lazy
got lazy given up and lost that hunger
to be competitive because it’s the best
job in the world that’s not really a job
it’s a passion because when you’re
rubbing shoulders and here we are now
ten years later and I’ve got a
restaurant next door to Jamie Oliver’s
and we’re both literally two meters
apart phenomenal
and we keep each other on our toes so
that’s exciting for me and that’s been
the one key issue across the ten years
of filming Kitchen Nightmares never ever
ever give up got a chance to you know
travel all over the world with big
companies like you know craft rental
foods and Air Products and chemicals
solving some very complex problems and
with using you know my engineering skill
set and I’d loved it absolutely loved it
until one day I was sitting there with
the head of my division and a head of
marketing the head of sales a head of
development for in a small division but
then you know Philip Morris was part of
Kraft and I realized when we went
through our six most important strategic
priorities I was leading five of them I
was half the age of everybody in the
room and I know I was making 1/3 of
everybody in the room I said I’m even
doing something very right a very wrong
and it’s a bit of both right and so this
kinds of that lesson of the realization
of worth and self-worth right I said you
know what this is a great experience I’m
having fun I got three promotions in
like 18 months cause I was doing all
these great and wonderful things but
then I realized there’s probably
something else out there I first started
as a broadcaster I was 19 very insecure
thrown into television pretending to be
Barbara Walters look in nothing like her
and still going to college so I do all
my classes in the morning from 8:00 to
1:00 and then the afternoon I work from
2:00 to 10:00 and did the 6 o’clock news
and would stay up and study and all that
stuff that you know until 1 2 or 3
o’clock in the morning and then just
start the routine all over again and my
classmates were so jealous of me that I
remember like taking my little hundred
and fifteen dollar paycheck and at the
time I thought was really a lot but
taking a hundred fifty dollars and
trying to appease them I would like all
wait any time anybody needed money I was
always offering oh you need ten dollars
or taking them out for pizza ordering
pizza for the class and things like that
trying to that whole disease – please
that’s where it was the worst for me I
think because I wanted to be accepted by
them and could not be because first of
all I didn’t have the time they want to
want to me to pledge and I didn’t have
the time to pledge I was I didn’t have
the time to
be a part of all the other college
activities or a part of that whole
lifestyle and it was very difficult for
me socially really one of the worst
times of my life because I was trying to
fit in in school and be a part of that
culture but also trying to build a
career in television it’s very difficult
for me to even see myself as successful
because I still see myself as in the
process of becoming successful to me
successful is getting to the point where
you are absolutely comfortable with
yourself and it does not matter how many
things you have acquired the ability to
learn to say no and not to feel guilty
about it
to me is about the greatest success I
have achieved the fact that I have you
know in the public side done whatever is
fine it’s all a part of a process for
growing for me but to me to have the in
the kind of internal strength and
internal courage it takes to say no I
will not let you treat me this way is
what success is all about it’s the same
thing that prevents you from being
abused as a child that prevents you from
being abused as an adult that allows you
to build success for yourself I will not
be treated this way I demand only the
best for myself you are worthy to say no
you’ll work that it’s okay if you say no
it’s okay if you say no and then people
don’t like you that’s really okay the
important thing is how you feel about
what you’re doing how you feel about
yourself it’s a long struggle though
it’s a long struggle and I’m just hoping
that you know in the work that I do on
the show and the speaking that I do
around the country and that young people
who are watching this can get the lesson
sooner than I did because it’s painful
because you keep repeating it over and
over and over until you get it right and
what I found is that every time you have
to repeat the lesson it gets worse
because it’s you know it’s I call it God
trying to get your attention the
universe trying to get your attention so
we didn’t get your attention the first
time so we’re gonna have to hit you a
little harder this time
only thing you have to believe in lean
clothes here my words the only thing you
have to believe in right now is that
humans are capable of learning that
humans for whatever reason nature has
chosen to not endow us with a whole
bunch of like pre-programmed things so
for instance a baby horse a full I
believe is how you say that when they’re
born they can already walk literally
boom they come out and they’re walking
in all as well because that’s all
hardwired into them but a horse is a
horse is a horse and they’re gonna stay
a horse and that’s that and you’re never
gonna find a horse reading Chaucer just
not gonna happen
so that’s all those decisions are
pre-wired humans on the other hand come
out they cannot take care of themselves
they’re a lump of flesh they basically
know how to suckle and that’s sort of
the extent of it but now humans have the
ability to go in all these crazy
different directions and they can learn
to become an astrophysicist they can
learn to become a carpenter a doctor an
astronaut like the number of directions
that humans can go in is crazy the
amount of what was once known as junk
DNA we now know as epigenetic signaling
the way that we can respond in all these
different directions to our environment
to the things we choose to focus our
energies on is truly unique to humans is
just absolutely astonishing so
understanding that that’s baked into the
human animal is the ability to learn and
go in any direction so once you realize
that humans are adaptation machines that
we can learn anything now it’s like okay
whatever you want to do you can do it as
long as you’re willing to pay that price
I’m not saying that it’s not gonna be
hard it is gonna be very very hard I’m
just saying that it is doable and that
you will receive a return on investment
in your energies and that’s what people
need to know and believe to the core of
their being that my time in this
direction will be rewarded now here’s
where people themselves up there is this
retarded debate about whether or not it
is hey am i pre-programmed I’m good at
math and so that’s it
I should go do things that are math or
I’m good at verbal and I should go do
things that are verbal I’m naturally
gifted as an athlete so I should go be
an athlete look I’m not saying people
don’t get our wins people get early wins
and if you happen to love the thing
you’re getting early wins and that’s
awesome man and you will find it just a
little bit easier you’ve got a head wind
or a tail wind I guess a tail would you
have a tail wind and so that yeah love
that but if they’re the thing that gives
you the most energy in life is something
that you have no natural inclinations
fourth and goal learn that when I say
that I have zero zero natural ability as
an entrepreneur I mean zero I had to
learn everything from not being lazy to
problem solving to overcoming my
paralyzing fear to look at world like a
puzzle dealing with anxiety literally it
it was comical as I was going down my
journey in the beginning as an
entrepreneur to figure this out it’s
ridiculous and then I meet people who
are like ripping flowers out of people’s
front yards and selling them back to
them like when I say that that was not
me I had a paper route and I was so
chicken to go up to people’s doors that
I actually only got half the money that
I could have gotten for the same paper
route the same amount of effort but
because I was so afraid to go knock on
people’s doors and ask to collect the
money that was do that for like two
years I did a paper out for half the
money okay that’s how spastic of an
entrepreneur I was when I started so you
can learn this stuff now my goals
demanded that I learned entrepreneurship
so I learned it so that’s what I want
people to understand what is your goal
work backwards from there if it lines up
with what you’re naturally good at
that’s amazing and congratulations but
they’re gonna be times where it doesn’t
line up and you’ve just got a either
change your goal or recognize that I’m
gonna have to figure these things out
and because I’m an adaptation machine as
a human being I can do all of that
I studies of directing Howard so even
though I was you know thinking of
theater and thinking of film I was
thinking about you know being behind the
camera or being you know in the in the
audience
blocking scenes as opposed to being on
stage and the zero point work got more
serious as an actor and got to give up
the direction your day job I have it I
have it I haven’t given it up I still
haven’t given it up no I think I think
directing is in my future you know I
recently sold a pitch to Universal some
writing something you know so it’s not
it’s not like I’ve given that up it’s
just that you know kind of want to write
right now and I should get off of it
it’s how you develop a passion it starts
as a minor area of interest you gain
areas of interest by encountering a lot
of stuff so if you haven’t countered a
lot of things in your life go out there
and encounter stuff go sailing go take a
dance class go study neuroscience like
whatever it is just encounter a whole
bunch of very broad diverse things from
that you’re gonna get sparks of interest
like oh I actually found that
interesting I want to learn more dive
deep through engagement not through
pondering through engagement you’re
going to realize whether something is
gonna turn into an area fascination so
as you go deeper into it you’re gonna
either become fascinated or you’re not
if you’re not fascinated move on if you
are fascinated then that’s an area where
you’re gonna ask yourself one very
simple question do I want to become the
best in the world at that thing if you
do if you want to become truly
extraordinary in that thing then go down
the path of gaining mastery now the
reason I think that it’s wise to ask
that question going in is when you frame
it up I’m gonna become the best in the
world that this immediately people
understand the amount of time energy and
weight that it would take to become
truly great at that thing and I don’t
think that passion can happen unless
you’re becoming truly great at that
thing that’s part of passion I don’t
think people are deeply passionate about
something that they really suck at and
I’ll give you an example I love video
games I abs
we love playing first-person shooters I
learn a lot from them I get a lot out of
them I really just intrinsically enjoy
the time it has both that sense of
eating a cake because it’s just fun in
the moment and it I pull from it life
lessons business lessons I practice
getting out of the sympathetic nervous
system into the parasympathetic nervous
system it’s literally gamified so I’m
getting better I have points I can you
know have my improvement turned into
metrics it’s all of it I really really
enjoy but I won’t say that I’m deeply
passionate about it I’m just not that
good at it so it’s one of those things
if I really wanted to develop a deep
passion for video video games and put it
at the center of my life that then I
would set down that path of really
practicing now this is like this is the
most important thing that passion will
do for you which is it’s gonna pull you
through boredom it’s gonna pull you
through the hard times and that’s why
it’s really got to be something that you
just are prepared to become great at
because when you’re prepared to become
great there’s just these insane moments
of boredom repetition and all of that
and if you have this burgeoning passion
coming out of that that’s what’s gonna
give you the energy to get through it so
it’s this symbiotic relationship between
a developing passion and how hard it is
to actually really get great at
something so the things you get great at
need to be something that is this
developing passion so there you have it
that’s how you do it and that’s why you
do it when you’re in that moment failing
and you have to keep going what do you
a lot of times I’ll be the tours at Mile
Run or something like that and I’m all
jacked up body’s broken mines broken
spirits broken I started to say what if
I can pull this off when I first walked
into the Navy SEAL recruiters office he
looked at me and said only been 35
african-americans and 70 years make it
through you know I said to myself what
if I can be the 36th it’s the what if I
can pull off a miracle what if I can
become someone that no one thinks I can
be and just that just means talking
about that I have a hair growing up on
my arms because it makes me just like
what if I can be that guy that people
who called nigger and this and that and
do you believe in self punishment and if
yes why I believe in this ferociously
this is advanced class and I know that
most people are gonna have a seizure
when they hear me say this but if you
don’t learn how to effectively not
destructively because that’s where most
people go they get into an endless loop
of self punishment which is totally
ineffective but if you don’t learn to
punish yourself you will never get where
you want to go now that needs to pale in
comparison to the amount of time that
you reward yourself they need to earn
that reward if you’re just lavishing
yourself with emotional praise and you
haven’t done anything then I think that
that will cheapen it will ultimately
mean nothing and quite frankly I don’t
think you can really been boozled
yourself I don’t think if you try to
praise yourself for stupid I think some
part of you knows you haven’t done
anything to deserve that praise but when
you set a bar and you meet that or
exceed that to then tell yourself hey
you did it you said you were gonna do it
you did it and that is worthy of praise
and getting good at praising yourself is
incredibly important and I think that
most people have a very hard time doing
both most people don’t know how to
effectively praise themselves they don’t
know how to get themselves first of all
to do things that are praiseworthy and
then when they do they don’t take the
time to emotionally reward themselves
meaning you actually to feel it it can
just be intellectual you’ve got to
actually feel that and the same with
punishment if you say you’re gonna do
something even if nobody’s watching and
you don’t do it then you need to
emotionally punish yourself none of you
will ever know whether I actually get
out of bed in ten minutes or less or not
but I say I do all the time but every
time I miss it
even if I miss it by seconds I just gave
myself the chills even if I miss it by
seconds I will punish myself for that
because I said I was gonna do it and I
didn’t do it so the fact that nobody’s
watching is utterly irrelevant to me it
has everything to do with myself now the
reason that this is important the reason
that I think that people need to do this
is because that’s how you shape your
behavior so like water over time can
create create the Grand Canyon or you
can take a polishing rock and shape
stones you can shape your personality
you can certainly shape your identity
and shape your behaviors if you learn
how to reward and punish yourself I know
a lot of people don’t want to hear that
I’m the kind of person that believes you
should always make decisions with your
heart and soul you can use your brain
for math you can use your brain to look
at the fine print in a contract but when
it comes to the actual feel of the
decision you always want to go inward
and check it against your heart and soul
how do you do that
here’s the simple test does the decision
that you’re about to make expand you
expand your future or expand the
possibilities of your life if the answer
is yes then the decision is yes no
matter how terrifying it is if you
conversely look at the choice that you
have to make and the decision will
shrink you will silence you will inhibit
you in some way then the answer is no no
matter how easy the decision is no
matter how safe the decision is the
answer is no now one of the things I
want to point out that when you start to
use this does it expand or does it
shrink me does it open possibilities or
does it keep things closed does it raise
my voice or does it silence me right is
that there’s always a short-term and a
long-term impact to the decision the
short-term impact to making an expansive
decision a decision that’s based in your
heart in your soul sometimes it’s
terrifying because sometimes it means
moving or it means changing a job or
changing a relationship or having a
difficult conversation or starting
something new and those sorts of things
are always uncomfortable so brace for
impact
put the force fields up but make the
decision anyway because the long-term
impact of making a decision from your
heart and soul that is where the best
life comes from because you’re living
for what’s true for you not what’s safe
in the moment
I do this as a part of my meditation
routine I try to experience gratitude
both and like the big things and in the
small things they’re not always tied to
my goal it is purely something to get
the neuro chemistry pumping in the right
direction to be in a good headspace to
really feel and internalize on a
visceral emotional level that sense of
like real deep fulfillment gratitude
appreciation for what you have going on
in your life so like I said I’ll pick
something big and I’ll pick something
small so it might be something like you
know I’m so grateful for 17 years with
my wife somebody that really understands
me that knows my pettiness knows my like
the dark ugly corners of my mind like
they know all of that and they still
love me and they they’re with me on this
journey and you know she picks me up and
brushes me off when I’m down I mean it’s
just like buta I’m literally slipping
into the mindset right now like I am so
grateful for that woman and by the way
that’s how easily it happens like you
start and this is exactly what I’m going
through my head these are the exact
words that I’m thinking in my mind I
don’t say them out loud but I’m thinking
them in my mind which then creates this
neurochemical cascade and you find
yourself actually experiencing the
emotions of that gratitude then I will
pick something small let’s say take my
dog bonsai man when he gets a haircut
there’s some his fur feels like velvet
there it is I loved about that dog just
don’t know when his hair is freshly cut
super small super stupid but I’m
actually grateful for it and it’s
amazing so I might think of something
small like that I might think of like
whoa on a warm day like that cool breeze
is just amazing or air conditioning air
conditioning is amazing let’s all take a
second to just be appreciative of air
conditioning that again literally as I’m
talking about this I’m actually feeling
the gratitude for the same so it works
what’s gonna fulfill you is differently
at first next you’re not gonna learn
that from anybody else you got to find
it because success without fulfilment is
the ultimate failure and I get those
phone calls all the time for the multi
billionaire entrepreneur or politician
or business person or a person just won
their Academy Award and they’re
depressed and they can’t tell anybody
because they got all their goals but
they’re not fulfilled because they
really don’t have that sense of meaning
in their life they went for something
and they got it they achieved and if you
doubt this what I’m saying is relevant
to you or us or anyone just think about
about a year and what a month ago we
lost what I consider be a national
treasure robbing wipes how many of you
loved robbing lights look around no keep
the hands up look and most of you didn’t
know almost anywhere you go in the world
people of Robin wins by the way was he
great at achievement oh my god that guy
he said he want to make become a great
comedian he did that I want to make the
world laugh he did I want to make my own
TV show he did I wanted the number one
TV show he did it I want to make movies
he did I want an Academy Award for not
being funny not his skill set drama and
he did it I want a beautiful family he
did it and then he hung himself make
everybody happy but yourself not a good
plan so if I had a gift to give you it
would be maybe make a different decision
and a decision is that no matter what
happens in your life you’re gonna live
in a beautiful state a beautiful state
and that could be happy that could be
grateful that could be being generous
those are all beautiful states aren’t
they it could be curious it could be fun
it could be playful you’re not limited
to one state but it’s different than
suffering and most people suffering and
all suffering I’ve ever seen I’ve
traveled 100 countries I’ve dealt with
presence of countries and you know
presidents of businesses CEOs I’ve dealt
with people in prison I got with you
name average people suffering always
comes because you’ve obsessed about
something related to you you can only be
depressed if you’re focusing on yourself
so now I’m depressed cos it’s my kids
and and they’re not doing well no you’re
depressed because you feel you’ve failed
your kids it’s about you
about how you think you what you should
have done or shouldn’t have done or what
someone did to you or didn’t do to you
in the past or the future which don’t
even exist so I have a simple goal my
goal is help people make a decision that
says I don’t know what’s gonna happen
you might get a divorce even though you
don’t think so you might find a family
of your family with cancer you might
have your house get burned down or have
a tornado go by and if you live in the
same place that happens every two years
and you move back we should talk but
some people seem to do that for some
reason you can’t control those things I
can’t control those things I don’t want
those to happen to you or anybody I love
or anybody who’s even a stranger to me
but they’re going to happen true not
positive thinking both just the truth so
if that’s gonna happen I say make a
decision now that says I’m gonna live in
a beautiful state and I’m gonna find
beauty and whatever Life brings me cuz
life is too short not to if you worry
about whether the other people think
about you you will always be their
prisoner so unless you’re prepared to be
other people’s prisoners at some point
if they are hurling dirt on you if
they’re constantly trying to Ribery you
under the earth that you’re trying to
claw your way out from then you’re never
gonna get out you’ve got to just stop
worrying about what they think so they
can’t actually affect you they can only
try to influence your mindset so and
even even now if people hate you slings
and arrows you could get a job digitally
you could go be a freelancer on up work
or whatever people don’t even have to
know who you are so truly in today’s
world they are not gonna be able to stop
you from getting a job but they can
really mess with your head but only if
you let them so I will say to that do
not let them you’ve got to understand
who you’re trying to become believe in
your ability to get there to become that
person to understand that to continue to
beat yourself up for something in the
past is not going to serve you and so
impossible is not a fact it’s an opinion
when someone tells me it’s impossible
I always just look at anybody around me
knows that they can’t do this that’s
part of it but if they didn’t know me
it’s your opinion they don’t say no
science shows I see
and how many times the science shows
something’s impossible now science shows
it’s possible things are impossible till
somebody does it and so I find that you
know most of your business people you
look at businesses and what does it take
to make a business grow it’s not
impossible like a business grow up has
been shrinking for a long time or it’s
been stuck
the real problem is always the chokehold
as always the psychology and the skills
of the leader always an 80% of that as
psychology and 20% is the mechanics like
if you don’t know how to read your
financials and you’re trying to fly the
plane of your your company I mean come
on you know if all you do is go down you
look at profit loss and you see what it
is and you have a beer either way you
either celebrated at the brass you know
something you know you’re gonna be in
trouble right but if you have the
skillsets that’s one thing but you can
get any skill set if you have the
psychology and anytime a business is not
growing it is not because it’s
impossible it’s because they aren’t
innovating and they’re not innovating
because they’re believing it’s
impossible I mean if we all know what
does it take to transform now obviously
health people it takes three things to
create a breakthrough in anything and
your personal life in your business
anywhere you need a strategy but that’s
not the first place you should look and
it’s the first place all of us look me
too it’s our inherent thing you want to
lose weight well how do I do it I’m
gonna grow my business how do I do it
it’s it’s instinctively been trained to
think that way but the problem is the
how-to is usually not that complex I’m
gonna come on 70% of America is what 75%
of America now is overweight is that
because it’s so complex how to be fit
and strong right you know only the 1% no
the answer is they hide it from you you
have to work your ass off to not hear
what it takes right
and so so you know I remember I went to
this I went to a TED Med Center and I
watched about 12 doctors when I got to
get up and do these stories about how we
could just get patients to take their
medications and try to figure out the
whole thing and I was just looking and
going you’re all talking about strategy
you’ve forgotten psychology because
strategy’s wonderful I’m a strategist
let my whole life figure out strategies
is we both know a strategy could save
you a decade right and business strategy
could save you you know you could make
the difference team success and failure
but most people have strategies
available or they could get them or you
could create them but the problem is you
got a story and your story is why it
isn’t working and the story is I’ve
tried what but everything if you tried
everything you’d be fit right you tried
everything you’d be profitable if you
tried everything you’d be there but
people said you know I’m big-boned
that’s what I used to say I’m still big
bone but I’m 38 pounds lighter than I
was 25 years ago and I’ve never gained
it back right a borrower’s big bone that
was my story all the good ones are gone
that’s why I’m not in a relationship or
they’re gay and I’m not on a game they
are whatever the story is there’s always
a story and when I tell people’s you
know if you can just divorce the story
of your limitation and marry the truth
of your unlimited capacity then the
whole game changes when you’re home life
is less than desirable it’s not where
you want to be living but you’re trying
to break out how do you not let the
chaos around you affect your vision and
drive so this is a framing question so
what you want to do in this this Tony
Robbins ask this question I think it’s
absolutely brilliant how is the worst
thing that ever happened to me
the best thing that ever happened to me
so in your circumstance how is being in
a chaotic home life the best thing ever
now I’ll give you one example off the
top my head and this is exactly why I
play first-person shooters can you learn
to stay calm in the chaos because my
friend have the chills if you can do
that it will serve you so well in every
single area of your life in a
relationship in business if you want to
be an athlete if you want to play games
like what
ever it is that you do one of the things
you’re gonna have to become great at is
letting all of the noise drift away into
nothing and getting into laser focus on
that thing that you’re working on now
when I give advice like that to people
they think well how do I practice the
amazing news is the best thing that has
ever happened to you is that you have a
built in way to do that your home life
is mass chaos so now you get a chance to
practice I have the chills you get a
chance to practice every day tuning out
the chaos and getting laser focused on
something that’s framing now there are
other ways but that one is so powerful
that I will end it there focus on that
it is practice practice every day thank
god you’re living in this chaotic
environment everyone in this room knows
how to create you’re not a manager of
your life you’re a creator of your life
or you wouldn’t be in this room how do
you create your life you get hungry for
something don’t you who has done
something in your life that once seemed
difficult or impossible and now it’s
part of your life who’s got something in
your life in this area say I how did you
do it you created it three ways number
one you decided there’s something you
wanted so bad that you unleashed all
your desire you became obsessed with it
if it was a business or a car or a
relationship or a transformation in your
body if there’s something you want sin
vision and now it’s real it’s because
you didn’t just envision it you brought
so much emotion to it then now it’s in
your life it was once a dream it was
once a goal and now it’s in your life
how many have something like that in
your life now say I you may take it for
granted now hopefully not but it was
once just a vision may have seemed
impossible at one time so how did you do
it
you started with a concrete vision of
what you wanted and you focused on it
continuously didn’t you wherever focus
goes energy flows you envision something
you got clear about it and then you
started thinking about all the reasons
why you wanted it you got excited about
it so this is what’s next for me now
I want this you may have dreamed about a
thought about and talked about it but
when you focus on something continuously
something magical happens you get
insights don’t you you overhear a
conversation hear something you wouldn’t
have heard if you didn’t have that
outcome or goal that you wanted so badly
who’s ever come up with something
obsessed about it
didn’t even know how to do it and it
just happened and it came together who’s
that that experience say I so why don’t
we happen that power now for your
business in life every single morning
Monday through Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I
host a live call-in radio show on Sirius
satellite radio it’s called make it
happen with Mel Robbins
and the thing that’s been so crazy about
that show is every single person that
calls me on that show they call in
because they’re feeling stuck in their
lives and they’re resigned about their
ability to change their lives and I’m
not talking about people that are nuts
I’m talking about successful people like
you and me that just somehow got stuck
in their lives and I’m not talking about
people that are looking for cheesy
self-help I’m talking about people that
really want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this
and I also know you’re sitting there
like yeah the self-help crap this isn’t
for me
but if you just force yourself to take a
couple small steps there’s always a
surprise there’s always a surprise
waiting was a day that I became wealthy
I’ll tell you a day I know that day I
was rich I was broke I was pissed I was
angry at everybody else but who myself
but really underneath that I was mad at
myself
I just couldn’t beat myself up anymore
sauce pissed and I
friend that I loan money to and I had
barely enough and I knew he needed it
and I gave him $1,200 and I’m here not
able to eat I’m down to like 25 26
dollars and I’m sandy I’m calling him
and he’s not returning my call and I
just need some money he’s ignoring me I
didn’t mean ordinance I’m pissed I’m
frustrated in the midst of all this
I’m also pragmatic I got 25 and changed
called $26 what the hell am I gonna do I
don’t have any plans for economics I got
over it that’s crazy I’m living this
little tiny apartment for him to square
feet and it’s California so I thought
okay when I was totally broke earlier on
when I’m 17 I used to save my money up
and go to the smorgasbord and load up
for a Christmas you know load up for the
week so I said I was in Venice
I’m gonna go over to Marina del Rey
where all the yachts are and this place
there called El Torito and I’m gonna go
they have an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord
I’m gonna load up for the winter I’m
gonna get there so I didn’t drive there
because I wasn’t gonna spend the gas to
get there plus I need the walk so I
walked there and I go in I’m not dressed
really great but Marina del Rey it’s
okay and I got a place right by the
window I can see these yachts going by
and I’m dreaming of what life could be
like and I’m starting to let go of my
anger and I’m starting to start focus on
what I want instead of what I don’t want
imma leave all I’ll say I and that
shifted me just a bit and now I’m eating
which shifted me a lot and I got this
giant plate stacked up and I don’t know
what the Mount was is like whatever it
was 695 795 right so I’m gonna do this I
can probably do this three or four times
right somewhere that range
cuz I’m finishing my meal this little
boy comes in dressed in a little suit
and I honestly don’t know how old Lee be
probably in the third great so maybe
eight years old nine years old something
like that and he was so adorable and he
opened the door for his mother as mine
was attractive lady and he came over he
pull off the seat for and she sat down
and I was she was a pretty lady but as
finish she was I was totally obsessed by
this boy he was just he had presence at
7 or 8 years old and it moved me I don’t
know why I just it movement
and I thought this kid is like pure he’s
I wanted to always be this way he’s such
a good kid he’s a giver so I got up and
I paid for the meal and whatever it was
six seven bucks so now I’ve got whatever
left 17 18 19 dollars and I walk up this
little boy I said excuse me and I said I
just want to acknowledge you for being
such an extraordinary gentleman I said I
saw the way you treated your lady how
you open the door how you pulled the
chair out
I said that’s class I said my name’s
Tony what’s yours
they don’t honest members named Charlie
or something and he looked up at me and
I said Charlie I said that’s amazing
taking your date out for a lunch like
this he goes well actually she’s my mom
and I said that’s even more cool and I
said oh but I I’m not taking her lunch
because I’m just I think he said it was
8:00 I said oh yes you are
I had no plan for this there’s reach in
my pocket I took all the money I had
left seventeen eighty ninety dollars and
I put on the table I said you’re taking
it at lunch he looked up at me and he
goes I can’t take that
I said sure you can he said why cuz I’m
bigger than you are
and he smiled real big and I didn’t even
look at his mom I just turned and walked
away and I didn’t walk out of that door
flew home I should have been freaking
out how am I gonna eat but I didn’t I
flew because something inside of me had
finally got past scarcity and finally
realized there’s something inside of us
more than our limits especially on this
thing called money that I had let
terrorize me I got home and the mailman
came that day and I had no idea I was
gonna have my next meal and if letter
comes and it’s from the guy I loaned the
money to handwritten notes saying I’ve
been avoiding you it’s wrong I’m so
sorry you were there when I needed you
here’s what I owe you plus a little bit
more and the 12-under was there was not
a hundred for the time
I had to take care of and for me
thirteen or dollars that was enough to
like run my show for a month or two and
I cried and then I decided what does
this mean I thought this means that
whenever you give it’s always gonna come
back so you don’t have to ever think
about that but again just give and the
rewards be great and you can ever
imagine I don’t know if that’s
coincidence but I decided to believe
that day was the blessing when I became
rich and I can tell you honestly I’ve
had tough days in my life economically
emotionally like all of us but I’ve
never gone back to the scarcity I never
will the secret to living is giving do
it when you don’t have it can I promise
you scarcity will leave your life
I’m gonna change the world but I
guarantee that I will spark the the
brain that will change the world and
that’s our job is to spark somebody else
watching us we might not be the ones but
let’s not be selfish and because we’re
not gonna change the world let’s not
talk about how we should change it when
you’re young and you’re kid you have so
many I grew up in the hood man I’m Flint
Michigan where I’m from and they say if
you tear grew you can do anything you
want to do you can do anything you want
to do and then as soon as you go to
class you tell them what you want to do
and it I met what makes you think you’re
gonna do something like that man crazy
yeah and I say okay wait which one is it
now can I do in a kid I’d do it right so
I started to call people on that I
started to call people and I said you
know what I’m gonna go for it I’m gonna
just try something that I’ve never done
before I want to design furniture I want
to be a part of this thing that’s what
I’m going and you know what happened
it’s not work people started doing it
started happening
we took this furniture to my line which
we went in front of all the best people
in the whole world and it got accepted
and people were saying how great it was
and how beautiful it was and I said man
don’t never let anybody talk you out of
every single morning Monday through
Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I host a live
call-in radio show on Sirius satellite
radio it’s called make it happen with
Mel Robbins and the thing that’s been so
crazy about that show is every single
person that calls me on that show they
call in because they’re feeling stuck in
their lives and they’re resigned about
their ability to change their lives and
I’m not talking about people that are
nuts I’m talking about successful people
like you and me that just somehow got
stuck in their lives and I’m not talking
about people that are looking for cheesy
self-help
I’m talking about people that really
want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this and I also know
you’re sitting there like yeah the
self-help crap this isn’t for me but if
you just force yourself to take a couple
small steps there’s always a surprise
there’s always a surprise waiting stay
in front of a competition because
there’s two ways this industry you you
move with it or it moves you and I’ve
seen so many sad stories across the
decade where chefs have just got lazy
got lazy given up and lost that hunger
to be competitive because it’s the best
job in the world that’s not really a job
it’s a passion because when you’re
rubbing shoulders and here we are now
ten years later and I’ve got a
restaurant next door to Jamie Oliver’s
and we’re both literally two meters
apart phenomenal
and we keep each other on our toes so
that’s exciting for me and that’s been
the one key issue across the ten years
of filming Kitchen Nightmares never ever
ever give up got a chance to you know
travel all over the world with big
companies like you know craft rental
foods and Air Products and chemicals
solving some very complex problems and
with using you know my engineering skill
set and I’d loved it absolutely loved it
until one day I was sitting there with
the head of my division and a head of
marketing the head of sales a head of
development for in a small division but
then you know Philip Morris was part of
Kraft and I realized when we went
through our six most important strategic
priorities I was leading five of them I
was half the age of everybody in the
room and I know I was making 1/3 of
everybody in the room I said I’m even
doing something very right a very wrong
and it’s a bit of both right and so this
kinds of that lesson of the realization
of worth and self-worth right I said you
know what this is a great experience I’m
having fun I got three promotions in
like 18 months cause I was doing all
these great and wonderful things but
then I realized there’s probably
something else out there I first started
as a broadcaster I was 19 very insecure
thrown into television pretending to be
Barbara Walters look in nothing like her
and still going to college so I do all
my classes in the morning from 8:00 to
1:00 and then the afternoon I work from
2:00 to 10:00 and did the 6 o’clock news
and would stay up and study and all that
stuff that you know until 1 2 or 3
o’clock in the morning and then just
start the routine all over again and my
classmates were so jealous of me that I
remember like taking my little hundred
and fifteen dollar paycheck and at the
time I thought was really a lot but
taking a hundred fifty dollars and
trying to appease them I would like all
wait any time anybody needed money I was
always offering oh you need ten dollars
or taking them out for pizza ordering
pizza for the class and things like that
trying to that whole disease – please
that’s where it was the worst for me I
think because I wanted to be accepted by
them and could not be because first of
all I didn’t have the time they want to
want to me to pledge and I didn’t have
the time to pledge I was I didn’t have
the time to
be a part of all the other college
activities or a part of that whole
lifestyle and it was very difficult for
me socially really one of the worst
times of my life because I was trying to
fit in in school and be a part of that
culture but also trying to build a
career in television it’s very difficult
for me to even see myself as successful
because I still see myself as in the
process of becoming successful to me
successful is getting to the point where
you are absolutely comfortable with
yourself and it does not matter how many
things you have acquired the ability to
learn to say no and not to feel guilty
about it
to me is about the greatest success I
have achieved the fact that I have you
know in the public side done whatever is
fine it’s all a part of a process for
growing for me but to me to have the in
the kind of internal strength and
internal courage it takes to say no I
will not let you treat me this way is
what success is all about it’s the same
thing that prevents you from being
abused as a child that prevents you from
being abused as an adult that allows you
to build success for yourself I will not
be treated this way I demand only the
best for myself you are worthy to say no
you’ll work that it’s okay if you say no
it’s okay if you say no and then people
don’t like you that’s really okay the
important thing is how you feel about
what you’re doing how you feel about
yourself it’s a long struggle though
it’s a long struggle and I’m just hoping
that you know in the work that I do on
the show and the speaking that I do
around the country and that young people
who are watching this can get the lesson
sooner than I did because it’s painful
because you keep repeating it over and
over and over until you get it right and
what I found is that every time you have
to repeat the lesson it gets worse
because it’s you know it’s I call it God
trying to get your attention the
universe trying to get your attention so
we didn’t get your attention the first
time so we’re gonna have to hit you a
little harder this time
only thing you have to believe in lean
clothes here my words the only thing you
have to believe in right now is that
humans are capable of learning that
humans for whatever reason nature has
chosen to not endow us with a whole
bunch of like pre-programmed things so
for instance a baby horse a full I
believe is how you say that when they’re
born they can already walk literally
boom they come out and they’re walking
in all as well because that’s all
hardwired into them but a horse is a
horse is a horse and they’re gonna stay
a horse and that’s that and you’re never
gonna find a horse reading Chaucer just
not gonna happen
so that’s all those decisions are
pre-wired humans on the other hand come
out they cannot take care of themselves
they’re a lump of flesh they basically
know how to suckle and that’s sort of
the extent of it but now humans have the
ability to go in all these crazy
different directions and they can learn
to become an astrophysicist they can
learn to become a carpenter a doctor an
astronaut like the number of directions
that humans can go in is crazy the
amount of what was once known as junk
DNA we now know as epigenetic signaling
the way that we can respond in all these
different directions to our environment
to the things we choose to focus our
energies on is truly unique to humans is
just absolutely astonishing so
understanding that that’s baked into the
human animal is the ability to learn and
go in any direction so once you realize
that humans are adaptation machines that
we can learn anything now it’s like okay
whatever you want to do you can do it as
long as you’re willing to pay that price
I’m not saying that it’s not gonna be
hard it is gonna be very very hard I’m
just saying that it is doable and that
you will receive a return on investment
in your energies and that’s what people
need to know and believe to the core of
their being that my time in this
direction will be rewarded now here’s
where people themselves up there is this
retarded debate about whether or not it
is hey am i pre-programmed I’m good at
math and so that’s it
I should go do things that are math or
I’m good at verbal and I should go do
things that are verbal I’m naturally
gifted as an athlete so I should go be
an athlete look I’m not saying people
don’t get our wins people get early wins
and if you happen to love the thing
you’re getting early wins and that’s
awesome man and you will find it just a
little bit easier you’ve got a head wind
or a tail wind I guess a tail would you
have a tail wind and so that yeah love
that but if they’re the thing that gives
you the most energy in life is something
that you have no natural inclinations
fourth and goal learn that when I say
that I have zero zero natural ability as
an entrepreneur I mean zero I had to
learn everything from not being lazy to
problem solving to overcoming my
paralyzing fear to look at world like a
puzzle dealing with anxiety literally it
it was comical as I was going down my
journey in the beginning as an
entrepreneur to figure this out it’s
ridiculous and then I meet people who
are like ripping flowers out of people’s
front yards and selling them back to
them like when I say that that was not
me I had a paper route and I was so
chicken to go up to people’s doors that
I actually only got half the money that
I could have gotten for the same paper
route the same amount of effort but
because I was so afraid to go knock on
people’s doors and ask to collect the
money that was do that for like two
years I did a paper out for half the
money okay that’s how spastic of an
entrepreneur I was when I started so you
can learn this stuff now my goals
demanded that I learned entrepreneurship
so I learned it so that’s what I want
people to understand what is your goal
work backwards from there if it lines up
with what you’re naturally good at
that’s amazing and congratulations but
they’re gonna be times where it doesn’t
line up and you’ve just got a either
change your goal or recognize that I’m
gonna have to figure these things out
and because I’m an adaptation machine as
a human being I can do all of that
I studies of directing Howard so even
though I was you know thinking of
theater and thinking of film I was
thinking about you know being behind the
camera or being you know in the in the
audience
blocking scenes as opposed to being on
stage and the zero point work got more
serious as an actor and got to give up
the direction your day job I have it I
have it I haven’t given it up I still
haven’t given it up no I think I think
directing is in my future you know I
recently sold a pitch to Universal some
writing something you know so it’s not
it’s not like I’ve given that up it’s
just that you know kind of want to write
right now and I should get off of it
it’s how you develop a passion it starts
as a minor area of interest you gain
areas of interest by encountering a lot
of stuff so if you haven’t countered a
lot of things in your life go out there
and encounter stuff go sailing go take a
dance class go study neuroscience like
whatever it is just encounter a whole
bunch of very broad diverse things from
that you’re gonna get sparks of interest
like oh I actually found that
interesting I want to learn more dive
deep through engagement not through
pondering through engagement you’re
going to realize whether something is
gonna turn into an area fascination so
as you go deeper into it you’re gonna
either become fascinated or you’re not
if you’re not fascinated move on if you
are fascinated then that’s an area where
you’re gonna ask yourself one very
simple question do I want to become the
best in the world at that thing if you
do if you want to become truly
extraordinary in that thing then go down
the path of gaining mastery now the
reason I think that it’s wise to ask
that question going in is when you frame
it up I’m gonna become the best in the
world that this immediately people
understand the amount of time energy and
weight that it would take to become
truly great at that thing and I don’t
think that passion can happen unless
you’re becoming truly great at that
thing that’s part of passion I don’t
think people are deeply passionate about
something that they really suck at and
I’ll give you an example I love video
games I abs
we love playing first-person shooters I
learn a lot from them I get a lot out of
them I really just intrinsically enjoy
the time it has both that sense of
eating a cake because it’s just fun in
the moment and it I pull from it life
lessons business lessons I practice
getting out of the sympathetic nervous
system into the parasympathetic nervous
system it’s literally gamified so I’m
getting better I have points I can you
know have my improvement turned into
metrics it’s all of it I really really
enjoy but I won’t say that I’m deeply
passionate about it I’m just not that
good at it so it’s one of those things
if I really wanted to develop a deep
passion for video video games and put it
at the center of my life that then I
would set down that path of really
practicing now this is like this is the
most important thing that passion will
do for you which is it’s gonna pull you
through boredom it’s gonna pull you
through the hard times and that’s why
it’s really got to be something that you
just are prepared to become great at
because when you’re prepared to become
great there’s just these insane moments
of boredom repetition and all of that
and if you have this burgeoning passion
coming out of that that’s what’s gonna
give you the energy to get through it so
it’s this symbiotic relationship between
a developing passion and how hard it is
to actually really get great at
something so the things you get great at
need to be something that is this
developing passion so there you have it
that’s how you do it and that’s why you
do it when you’re in that moment failing
and you have to keep going what do you
a lot of times I’ll be the tours at Mile
Run or something like that and I’m all
jacked up body’s broken mines broken
spirits broken I started to say what if
I can pull this off when I first walked
into the Navy SEAL recruiters office he
looked at me and said only been 35
african-americans and 70 years make it
through you know I said to myself what
if I can be the 36th it’s the what if I
can pull off a miracle what if I can
become someone that no one thinks I can
be and just that just means talking
about that I have a hair growing up on
my arms because it makes me just like
what if I can be that guy that people
who called nigger and this and that and
do you believe in self punishment and if
yes why I believe in this ferociously
this is advanced class and I know that
most people are gonna have a seizure
when they hear me say this but if you
don’t learn how to effectively not
destructively because that’s where most
people go they get into an endless loop
of self punishment which is totally
ineffective but if you don’t learn to
punish yourself you will never get where
you want to go now that needs to pale in
comparison to the amount of time that
you reward yourself they need to earn
that reward if you’re just lavishing
yourself with emotional praise and you
haven’t done anything then I think that
that will cheapen it will ultimately
mean nothing and quite frankly I don’t
think you can really been boozled
yourself I don’t think if you try to
praise yourself for stupid I think some
part of you knows you haven’t done
anything to deserve that praise but when
you set a bar and you meet that or
exceed that to then tell yourself hey
you did it you said you were gonna do it
you did it and that is worthy of praise
and getting good at praising yourself is
incredibly important and I think that
most people have a very hard time doing
both most people don’t know how to
effectively praise themselves they don’t
know how to get themselves first of all
to do things that are praiseworthy and
then when they do they don’t take the
time to emotionally reward themselves
meaning you actually to feel it it can
just be intellectual you’ve got to
actually feel that and the same with
punishment if you say you’re gonna do
something even if nobody’s watching and
you don’t do it then you need to
emotionally punish yourself none of you
will ever know whether I actually get
out of bed in ten minutes or less or not
but I say I do all the time but every
time I miss it
even if I miss it by seconds I just gave
myself the chills even if I miss it by
seconds I will punish myself for that
because I said I was gonna do it and I
didn’t do it so the fact that nobody’s
watching is utterly irrelevant to me it
has everything to do with myself now the
reason that this is important the reason
that I think that people need to do this
is because that’s how you shape your
behavior so like water over time can
create create the Grand Canyon or you
can take a polishing rock and shape
stones you can shape your personality
you can certainly shape your identity
and shape your behaviors if you learn
how to reward and punish yourself I know
a lot of people don’t want to hear that
I’m the kind of person that believes you
should always make decisions with your
heart and soul you can use your brain
for math you can use your brain to look
at the fine print in a contract but when
it comes to the actual feel of the
decision you always want to go inward
and check it against your heart and soul
how do you do that
here’s the simple test does the decision
that you’re about to make expand you
expand your future or expand the
possibilities of your life if the answer
is yes then the decision is yes no
matter how terrifying it is if you
conversely look at the choice that you
have to make and the decision will
shrink you will silence you will inhibit
you in some way then the answer is no no
matter how easy the decision is no
matter how safe the decision is the
answer is no now one of the things I
want to point out that when you start to
use this does it expand or does it
shrink me does it open possibilities or
does it keep things closed does it raise
my voice or does it silence me right is
that there’s always a short-term and a
long-term impact to the decision the
short-term impact to making an expansive
decision a decision that’s based in your
heart in your soul sometimes it’s
terrifying because sometimes it means
moving or it means changing a job or
changing a relationship or having a
difficult conversation or starting
something new and those sorts of things
are always uncomfortable so brace for
impact
put the force fields up but make the
decision anyway because the long-term
impact of making a decision from your
heart and soul that is where the best
life comes from because you’re living
for what’s true for you not what’s safe
in the moment
I do this as a part of my meditation
routine I try to experience gratitude
both and like the big things and in the
small things they’re not always tied to
my goal it is purely something to get
the neuro chemistry pumping in the right
direction to be in a good headspace to
really feel and internalize on a
visceral emotional level that sense of
like real deep fulfillment gratitude
appreciation for what you have going on
in your life so like I said I’ll pick
something big and I’ll pick something
small so it might be something like you
know I’m so grateful for 17 years with
my wife somebody that really understands
me that knows my pettiness knows my like
the dark ugly corners of my mind like
they know all of that and they still
love me and they they’re with me on this
journey and you know she picks me up and
brushes me off when I’m down I mean it’s
just like buta I’m literally slipping
into the mindset right now like I am so
grateful for that woman and by the way
that’s how easily it happens like you
start and this is exactly what I’m going
through my head these are the exact
words that I’m thinking in my mind I
don’t say them out loud but I’m thinking
them in my mind which then creates this
neurochemical cascade and you find
yourself actually experiencing the
emotions of that gratitude then I will
pick something small let’s say take my
dog bonsai man when he gets a haircut
there’s some his fur feels like velvet
there it is I loved about that dog just
don’t know when his hair is freshly cut
super small super stupid but I’m
actually grateful for it and it’s
amazing so I might think of something
small like that I might think of like
whoa on a warm day like that cool breeze
is just amazing or air conditioning air
conditioning is amazing let’s all take a
second to just be appreciative of air
conditioning that again literally as I’m
talking about this I’m actually feeling
the gratitude for the same so it works
what’s gonna fulfill you is differently
at first next you’re not gonna learn
that from anybody else you got to find
it because success without fulfilment is
the ultimate failure and I get those
phone calls all the time for the multi
billionaire entrepreneur or politician
or business person or a person just won
their Academy Award and they’re
depressed and they can’t tell anybody
because they got all their goals but
they’re not fulfilled because they
really don’t have that sense of meaning
in their life they went for something
and they got it they achieved and if you
doubt this what I’m saying is relevant
to you or us or anyone just think about
about a year and what a month ago we
lost what I consider be a national
treasure robbing wipes how many of you
loved robbing lights look around no keep
the hands up look and most of you didn’t
know almost anywhere you go in the world
people of Robin wins by the way was he
great at achievement oh my god that guy
he said he want to make become a great
comedian he did that I want to make the
world laugh he did I want to make my own
TV show he did I wanted the number one
TV show he did it I want to make movies
he did I want an Academy Award for not
being funny not his skill set drama and
he did it I want a beautiful family he
did it and then he hung himself make
everybody happy but yourself not a good
plan so if I had a gift to give you it
would be maybe make a different decision
and a decision is that no matter what
happens in your life you’re gonna live
in a beautiful state a beautiful state
and that could be happy that could be
grateful that could be being generous
those are all beautiful states aren’t
they it could be curious it could be fun
it could be playful you’re not limited
to one state but it’s different than
suffering and most people suffering and
all suffering I’ve ever seen I’ve
traveled 100 countries I’ve dealt with
presence of countries and you know
presidents of businesses CEOs I’ve dealt
with people in prison I got with you
name average people suffering always
comes because you’ve obsessed about
something related to you you can only be
depressed if you’re focusing on yourself
so now I’m depressed cos it’s my kids
and and they’re not doing well no you’re
depressed because you feel you’ve failed
your kids it’s about you
about how you think you what you should
have done or shouldn’t have done or what
someone did to you or didn’t do to you
in the past or the future which don’t
even exist so I have a simple goal my
goal is help people make a decision that
says I don’t know what’s gonna happen
you might get a divorce even though you
don’t think so you might find a family
of your family with cancer you might
have your house get burned down or have
a tornado go by and if you live in the
same place that happens every two years
and you move back we should talk but
some people seem to do that for some
reason you can’t control those things I
can’t control those things I don’t want
those to happen to you or anybody I love
or anybody who’s even a stranger to me
but they’re going to happen true not
positive thinking both just the truth so
if that’s gonna happen I say make a
decision now that says I’m gonna live in
a beautiful state and I’m gonna find
beauty and whatever Life brings me cuz
life is too short not to if you worry
about whether the other people think
about you you will always be their
prisoner so unless you’re prepared to be
other people’s prisoners at some point
if they are hurling dirt on you if
they’re constantly trying to Ribery you
under the earth that you’re trying to
claw your way out from then you’re never
gonna get out you’ve got to just stop
worrying about what they think so they
can’t actually affect you they can only
try to influence your mindset so and
even even now if people hate you slings
and arrows you could get a job digitally
you could go be a freelancer on up work
or whatever people don’t even have to
know who you are so truly in today’s
world they are not gonna be able to stop
you from getting a job but they can
really mess with your head but only if
you let them so I will say to that do
not let them you’ve got to understand
who you’re trying to become believe in
your ability to get there to become that
person to understand that to continue to
beat yourself up for something in the
past is not going to serve you and so
impossible is not a fact it’s an opinion
when someone tells me it’s impossible
I always just look at anybody around me
knows that they can’t do this that’s
part of it but if they didn’t know me
it’s your opinion they don’t say no
science shows I see
and how many times the science shows
something’s impossible now science shows
it’s possible things are impossible till
somebody does it and so I find that you
know most of your business people you
look at businesses and what does it take
to make a business grow it’s not
impossible like a business grow up has
been shrinking for a long time or it’s
been stuck
the real problem is always the chokehold
as always the psychology and the skills
of the leader always an 80% of that as
psychology and 20% is the mechanics like
if you don’t know how to read your
financials and you’re trying to fly the
plane of your your company I mean come
on you know if all you do is go down you
look at profit loss and you see what it
is and you have a beer either way you
either celebrated at the brass you know
something you know you’re gonna be in
trouble right but if you have the
skillsets that’s one thing but you can
get any skill set if you have the
psychology and anytime a business is not
growing it is not because it’s
impossible it’s because they aren’t
innovating and they’re not innovating
because they’re believing it’s
impossible I mean if we all know what
does it take to transform now obviously
health people it takes three things to
create a breakthrough in anything and
your personal life in your business
anywhere you need a strategy but that’s
not the first place you should look and
it’s the first place all of us look me
too it’s our inherent thing you want to
lose weight well how do I do it I’m
gonna grow my business how do I do it
it’s it’s instinctively been trained to
think that way but the problem is the
how-to is usually not that complex I’m
gonna come on 70% of America is what 75%
of America now is overweight is that
because it’s so complex how to be fit
and strong right you know only the 1% no
the answer is they hide it from you you
have to work your ass off to not hear
what it takes right
and so so you know I remember I went to
this I went to a TED Med Center and I
watched about 12 doctors when I got to
get up and do these stories about how we
could just get patients to take their
medications and try to figure out the
whole thing and I was just looking and
going you’re all talking about strategy
you’ve forgotten psychology because
strategy’s wonderful I’m a strategist
let my whole life figure out strategies
is we both know a strategy could save
you a decade right and business strategy
could save you you know you could make
the difference team success and failure
but most people have strategies
available or they could get them or you
could create them but the problem is you
got a story and your story is why it
isn’t working and the story is I’ve
tried what but everything if you tried
everything you’d be fit right you tried
everything you’d be profitable if you
tried everything you’d be there but
people said you know I’m big-boned
that’s what I used to say I’m still big
bone but I’m 38 pounds lighter than I
was 25 years ago and I’ve never gained
it back right a borrower’s big bone that
was my story all the good ones are gone
that’s why I’m not in a relationship or
they’re gay and I’m not on a game they
are whatever the story is there’s always
a story and when I tell people’s you
know if you can just divorce the story
of your limitation and marry the truth
of your unlimited capacity then the
whole game changes when you’re home life
is less than desirable it’s not where
you want to be living but you’re trying
to break out how do you not let the
chaos around you affect your vision and
drive so this is a framing question so
what you want to do in this this Tony
Robbins ask this question I think it’s
absolutely brilliant how is the worst
thing that ever happened to me
the best thing that ever happened to me
so in your circumstance how is being in
a chaotic home life the best thing ever
now I’ll give you one example off the
top my head and this is exactly why I
play first-person shooters can you learn
to stay calm in the chaos because my
friend have the chills if you can do
that it will serve you so well in every
single area of your life in a
relationship in business if you want to
be an athlete if you want to play games
like what
ever it is that you do one of the things
you’re gonna have to become great at is
letting all of the noise drift away into
nothing and getting into laser focus on
that thing that you’re working on now
when I give advice like that to people
they think well how do I practice the
amazing news is the best thing that has
ever happened to you is that you have a
built in way to do that your home life
is mass chaos so now you get a chance to
practice I have the chills you get a
chance to practice every day tuning out
the chaos and getting laser focused on
something that’s framing now there are
other ways but that one is so powerful
that I will end it there focus on that
it is practice practice every day thank
god you’re living in this chaotic
environment everyone in this room knows
how to create you’re not a manager of
your life you’re a creator of your life
or you wouldn’t be in this room how do
you create your life you get hungry for
something don’t you who has done
something in your life that once seemed
difficult or impossible and now it’s
part of your life who’s got something in
your life in this area say I how did you
do it you created it three ways number
one you decided there’s something you
wanted so bad that you unleashed all
your desire you became obsessed with it
if it was a business or a car or a
relationship or a transformation in your
body if there’s something you want sin
vision and now it’s real it’s because
you didn’t just envision it you brought
so much emotion to it then now it’s in
your life it was once a dream it was
once a goal and now it’s in your life
how many have something like that in
your life now say I you may take it for
granted now hopefully not but it was
once just a vision may have seemed
impossible at one time so how did you do
it
you started with a concrete vision of
what you wanted and you focused on it
continuously didn’t you wherever focus
goes energy flows you envision something
you got clear about it and then you
started thinking about all the reasons
why you wanted it you got excited about
it so this is what’s next for me now
I want this you may have dreamed about a
thought about and talked about it but
when you focus on something continuously
something magical happens you get
insights don’t you you overhear a
conversation hear something you wouldn’t
have heard if you didn’t have that
outcome or goal that you wanted so badly
who’s ever come up with something
obsessed about it
didn’t even know how to do it and it
just happened and it came together who’s
that that experience say I so why don’t
we happen that power now for your
business in life every single morning
Monday through Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I
host a live call-in radio show on Sirius
satellite radio it’s called make it
happen with Mel Robbins
and the thing that’s been so crazy about
that show is every single person that
calls me on that show they call in
because they’re feeling stuck in their
lives and they’re resigned about their
ability to change their lives and I’m
not talking about people that are nuts
I’m talking about successful people like
you and me that just somehow got stuck
in their lives and I’m not talking about
people that are looking for cheesy
self-help I’m talking about people that
really want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this
and I also know you’re sitting there
like yeah the self-help crap this isn’t
for me
but if you just force yourself to take a
couple small steps there’s always a
surprise there’s always a surprise
waiting was a day that I became wealthy
I’ll tell you a day I know that day I
was rich I was broke I was pissed I was
angry at everybody else but who myself
but really underneath that I was mad at
myself
I just couldn’t beat myself up anymore
sauce pissed and I
friend that I loan money to and I had
barely enough and I knew he needed it
and I gave him $1,200 and I’m here not
able to eat I’m down to like 25 26
dollars and I’m sandy I’m calling him
and he’s not returning my call and I
just need some money he’s ignoring me I
didn’t mean ordinance I’m pissed I’m
frustrated in the midst of all this
I’m also pragmatic I got 25 and changed
called $26 what the hell am I gonna do I
don’t have any plans for economics I got
over it that’s crazy I’m living this
little tiny apartment for him to square
feet and it’s California so I thought
okay when I was totally broke earlier on
when I’m 17 I used to save my money up
and go to the smorgasbord and load up
for a Christmas you know load up for the
week so I said I was in Venice
I’m gonna go over to Marina del Rey
where all the yachts are and this place
there called El Torito and I’m gonna go
they have an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord
I’m gonna load up for the winter I’m
gonna get there so I didn’t drive there
because I wasn’t gonna spend the gas to
get there plus I need the walk so I
walked there and I go in I’m not dressed
really great but Marina del Rey it’s
okay and I got a place right by the
window I can see these yachts going by
and I’m dreaming of what life could be
like and I’m starting to let go of my
anger and I’m starting to start focus on
what I want instead of what I don’t want
imma leave all I’ll say I and that
shifted me just a bit and now I’m eating
which shifted me a lot and I got this
giant plate stacked up and I don’t know
what the Mount was is like whatever it
was 695 795 right so I’m gonna do this I
can probably do this three or four times
right somewhere that range
cuz I’m finishing my meal this little
boy comes in dressed in a little suit
and I honestly don’t know how old Lee be
probably in the third great so maybe
eight years old nine years old something
like that and he was so adorable and he
opened the door for his mother as mine
was attractive lady and he came over he
pull off the seat for and she sat down
and I was she was a pretty lady but as
finish she was I was totally obsessed by
this boy he was just he had presence at
7 or 8 years old and it moved me I don’t
know why I just it movement
and I thought this kid is like pure he’s
I wanted to always be this way he’s such
a good kid he’s a giver so I got up and
I paid for the meal and whatever it was
six seven bucks so now I’ve got whatever
left 17 18 19 dollars and I walk up this
little boy I said excuse me and I said I
just want to acknowledge you for being
such an extraordinary gentleman I said I
saw the way you treated your lady how
you open the door how you pulled the
chair out
I said that’s class I said my name’s
Tony what’s yours
they don’t honest members named Charlie
or something and he looked up at me and
I said Charlie I said that’s amazing
taking your date out for a lunch like
this he goes well actually she’s my mom
and I said that’s even more cool and I
said oh but I I’m not taking her lunch
because I’m just I think he said it was
8:00 I said oh yes you are
I had no plan for this there’s reach in
my pocket I took all the money I had
left seventeen eighty ninety dollars and
I put on the table I said you’re taking
it at lunch he looked up at me and he
goes I can’t take that
I said sure you can he said why cuz I’m
bigger than you are
and he smiled real big and I didn’t even
look at his mom I just turned and walked
away and I didn’t walk out of that door
flew home I should have been freaking
out how am I gonna eat but I didn’t I
flew because something inside of me had
finally got past scarcity and finally
realized there’s something inside of us
more than our limits especially on this
thing called money that I had let
terrorize me I got home and the mailman
came that day and I had no idea I was
gonna have my next meal and if letter
comes and it’s from the guy I loaned the
money to handwritten notes saying I’ve
been avoiding you it’s wrong I’m so
sorry you were there when I needed you
here’s what I owe you plus a little bit
more and the 12-under was there was not
a hundred for the time
I had to take care of and for me
thirteen or dollars that was enough to
like run my show for a month or two and
I cried and then I decided what does
this mean I thought this means that
whenever you give it’s always gonna come
back so you don’t have to ever think
about that but again just give and the
rewards be great and you can ever
imagine I don’t know if that’s
coincidence but I decided to believe
that day was the blessing when I became
rich and I can tell you honestly I’ve
had tough days in my life economically
emotionally like all of us but I’ve
never gone back to the scarcity I never
will the secret to living is giving do
it when you don’t have it can I promise
you scarcity will leave your life
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