why are you here that’s what I want to
talk about today we got a look at what
makes you really do what you do
everything on earth has a purpose and
you do to that purpose provides an inner
drive that once you tap into it can give
your life immense fulfillment it’ll also
give you certainty cuz you know right
now what a world that’s changing so
rapidly that virtually every time you
turn around you hear about something
else that’s changing and I personally
get to deal with hundreds of thousands
of people per year I see about 250 to
300 thousand people a year in my live
programs and I hear so much excitement
there’s so much fear about the pace of
change I mean we’ve all talked about
changes happening so rapidly now in
paradigm shifts all that stuff has
become so overused at this point that we
become numb to it but it’s true never in
the history of the world of things
changed so rapidly so you need to find
something that’s eternal inside of
yourself that no matter what changes on
the surface this part of you does not
change it’s the part you come back to
the part that guides you the part that
really makes you fulfilled
and that’s your purpose because all of a
sudden when you find out a friend’s got
cancer or you turn around and you see
that 35,000 people IBM got laid off or
an entire industry disappeared overnight
because a new one was created it’ll give
you a way to find some good and
virtually anything your purpose is
available to you at any moment of your
life but you got to know what it is
before we get into it let me back up a
little bit here okay I have a good
friend is one of the most successful
financial people in the country he works
in all these financial markets he’s an
incredibly successful businessman and I
know he’s working very hard right now on
a goal and I went to visit him recently
and boy he’s working hard he’s gonna
achieve that goal but you know when the
goal is finally there then he’s gonna be
happy I thought no no no no you know
each moment we’ve got to be able to find
some sense of meaning for our life
something that a significant something
is useful and we all know this is not a
new conversation but as your coach and
as your friend in these tapes I’d like
to draw your attention to some things
that maybe you already know but haven’t
thought about for a while maybe get you
to put some of your focus into the most
important area life which is enhancing
meaning see all of us in life have to
have a reason to be here if all you’re
doing out there is going out and trying
to achieve goals and then you achieve
them that I’m sure you’ve run into that
trip up wire that says okay I’ve
achieved the goal now what right we
achieve the goal and your brain says is
this all there is see the purpose of a
goal is I’ve shared with you so many
times is not to achieve the goal the
purpose of the goal is what it makes of
us as people who we become
ultimately with all we have to have a
sense but who we even have become as
some kind of meaning without that
there’s not a reason to live it’s not a
reason to get up there’s not a reason to
go out there and make it happen what’s
really controlling this man’s life is
fear when people say they’re cynical or
they’re pessimistic what they’re really
screaming out to you is I’m scared out
of my mind I’m afraid to dream again I’m
afraid to think about what’s possible
I’m afraid to really put myself on the
line and say I’m gonna go for something
I’m gonna stand for something I’m gonna
put myself in line in a relationship or
my business or my vision to make a
difference in the world because you know
what maybe at one time this person did
that maybe they tried it several times
and it didn’t work and they got pain and
pain and pain but he said they didn’t
want the pain so they stopped dreaming
he stopped and visioning he stopped
coming up with meaning instead they try
to keep themself away from the pain by
saying well there’s no meaning at all
anyway but unfortunately that gives you
the ultimate pain cuz it gives you a
life without meaning and no one can live
a life that’s fulfilled without a sense
of meaning see we’ve been put here for a
reason
question is why and the answer I think
is different for every one of us it’s
different for me than it is for you and
yet it’s the same every one of us has
been put here every one of us is unique
and different and special and I believe
our Creator if I’m gonna use the word
God if I’m a God has put you here for a
reason
questions what is it God does not create
things without a purpose everything on
earth serves the purpose why are you
here what are you here to do what are
you here to become to create and to give
these are some of the most significant
questions that you can answer in your
life and even when you answer them I’m
sure that as your life expands you’ll
come up with better answers as you get
more experience and you get closer in
touch with your own innermost being and
maybe your closer in touch with your
Creator as well so Tony where are you
going with this I’m really going to the
essence of giving your life what you
deserve which is knowing that there are
no mistakes knowing that every little
thing you do has a consequence it can be
a positive consequence
if you choose it the most powerful thing
that has consequence in your life though
is the thing we talk about so often but
I gotta say it again and that is what’s
really ultimately shaping our lives our
decisions the first decision is a
decision about what to focus on where
your focus goes can determine how you
think how you feel what you do
ultimately what your life turns out like
what you’re able to contribute the
bottom line is we must find an
empowering focus out of any situation
the second decision that shapes our life
and the meaning of our lives are the
decisions that we make about what
something means meaning as ultimately
something we determine that’s the
exciting part about it and that’s the
scary part about it the third decision
of course is what are you going to do
when something happens see so much of
the fear that we see in life comes from
the fact that most of us don’t feel like
we’re in control we’re running around
trying to control all the events of our
lives and every single one of us is
going to experience multiple situations
in our life that no matter how skillful
we are what we cannot control the event
well it’s just not something that we can
control because we didn’t initiate it
anytime you’re dealing with other people
this is gonna happen anytime you’re
dealing with mother nature this is gonna
happen
most of us in life are so afraid
something’s gonna happen that we can’t
control therefore we’re gonna get pain
that we try to avoid those things we
can’t control we’re trying to shape our
lives where we spend our time who we
spend our time with what we do by
environments that we feel really
comfortable in when we feel like we’re
really controlling them but what that
does is it limits the shape and quality
of our lives we’ve got to do want to put
ourselves out there to discover what
we’re really capable of or put in
environments when we don’t know what to
do we don’t know what things mean we’re
not sure it’s in those environments that
grow the most it’s in those environments
that we discover more of our true
purpose as human beings it’s there that
our character is shaped you know so many
times we set goals or we have dreams or
we have plans and we work our tail off
and it doesn’t come out the way we want
a lot of people come out of those
situations disillusioned or angry or
resentful or frustrated they look for
someone to blame but you know sometimes
I really truly believe that not getting
your goal as part of the design part of
the game plan causing you to dig inside
and discover more of yourself to really
begin to use your real capacity as human
being those traits that are within you
that only expand when they’re challenged
when demands are made upon them
you know I truly believe that God is not
so much interested in our convenience
as he isn’t our character you know and I
also believe that because something
hasn’t happened right away when you
wanted it and designed it didn’t work
out doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen
it’s really a test of how committed are
you it’s really a test designed to make
you become more gods delays are not
God’s denials unless you give up of
course if you don’t do your part then of
course whatever you’ve envisioned will
never come to be but we have to be
willing to continue to put ourselves
forth and know that events will show up
that we can’t control so let me ask you
a question you go okay I understand all
this Tony but how do you ever have a
sense of certainty in a world that’s
changing all the time well you set goals
you do all the right things and still
doesn’t always turn out right how do you
live in a world where suddenly something
can happen it can take away your whole
business or you know storm could come
and take away your home or or some
calamity could happen to your personal
family or a disease could hit or or
someone could die how do you deal with
all that and the answer is you have to
know the one thing you can control is
not events where you control is what
things mean to you and therein comes the
secret to life because no matter what
happens in your life the meaning of what
has happened is yours
you get to determine it as long as
you’re conscious and you don’t allow the
people around you to teach you what to
think and as long as you don’t just go
on
pilot and allow your nervous system to
make up connections that are false let
me give an example of what happens to
people certainly by now you realize that
what you do is human being is primarily
driven by your need to avoid pain your
desire for pleasure right but see all of
us have learned through life certain
things mean more pain than others and so
some people are driven by their fear
right to experience the emotion of fear
is the most incredible painful thing
they could ever imagine so they’ll do
anything to avoid being in a fearful
situation other people are driven by
their desire to feel the sense of
adventure
obviously they make decisions
differently they focus on different
things in life they can walk in the same
room as someone who lives in fear and
they’re gonna notice different things
they’re gonna want to sit in a different
place they’re gonna want to try a
different kind of vacation than someone
who’s trying to focus on how to be
secure what drives you are you driven by
guilt are you driven by your past when
we would use the word driven the word
drive it really means to guide to
control or to direct something so what’s
guiding you what’s controlling you
what’s directing your behavior what’s
directing your focus what’s directing
the meaning you’re pulling from your
life what is it is it your parents is it
the competition you have with somebody
else is it wanted to prove somebody
wrong is it your desire to contribute is
it your desire for joy or happiness or
is it a sense of purpose that’s driving
you a sense there’s something out there
for you to do something you’re designed
to evolve into to become to share to
give to create you don’t even know what
it is but you’re willing to trust that
each day more that’s gonna come out see
whatever drives you that’s what’s
shaping your life and the challenges
that most of us never consciously decide
what we’re gonna have drive our life see
we’re not stimulus-response animals but
we can beast their musics response to
animals
our nervous systems are designed to help
us they’re designed to be a source of
decision-making they’re designed to help
us very quickly when you have an
experienced figure out what is the
source of that pain so we can avoid it
in the future what is that source of
that pleasure so we can have more of it
in the future
but when we don’t think things through
when we don’t think things through in an
empowering way we don’t have faith that
there’s a higher meaning we tend to
settle like animals for the lowest
meaning that we can find well this is
happening because I’m a bad person this
is happening because there’s something
wrong with me this is happening because
I’m just destined to fail or worse very
often in life we don’t even consciously
think things through our nervous system
just makes quick decisions hey every
moment you’re alive whatever you have a
significant amount of pain your brain
says hey what is the source of this pain
and it uses three criteria I’m sure you
remember to determine what the source of
your pain is it looks for something that
is happening about the same time you’re
having the pain that is unique because
after all you weren’t feeling pain a
moment ago you got pain now what’s
unique about this situation it looks for
something that is recent something’s
happening about the same time you have
the pain and it also looks for something
that is consistent something that
whenever you have had pain in the past
this has also been a factor in that
situation let me tell you how these
three criteria can help you you go out
one day when you’re a child and you
touch a hot stove you feel some pain you
pull it back your brain says okay what
was unique to that moment that gave me
the pain he looks around us inside this
burner right and says what was happening
about the same time I felt the pain I
was touching this burner and what’s
consistent about it well maybe nothing
until you do it again after doing it two
or three times or maybe one time does it
hurt enough maybe one time is consistent
it’s like when somebody says to you
always do that you know I don’t always
do that yes you do you always do it
I’ve done it one time yeah but well
that’s always what human beings can make
one time consistent if it’s painful
enough so the bottom line is what do you
learn you’re nervous doesn’t learns you
don’t
we’re out burners right you just don’t
do that and some of the future when
you’re trying to make a decision about
what to focus on what things mean and
what to do and you’re going buy a burner
one of the options is not to go grab
that baby just for fun so as basic as
this lesson is we feel to realize that
this simple system that assists us so
much and making decisions because it
helps us discover what is the source of
our pain or our pleasure so we can avoid
the pain gain the pleasure in the future
this simple system can be misguided or
misinterpret information see here’s how
it works so give me an example is doing
a date with destiny only a couple
weekends ago um several people are
having major challenges in their life
and one lady just couldn’t get herself
to really have any meaning in her life
and as I kept digging digging digging
the real problem that she had is he felt
lonely because she felt disconnected
because she wanted to have someone she
could share her life with but she
couldn’t get herself to do that why
would you guess someone couldn’t get
themself to be able to share their life
not hard to figure out is it pain person
obviously as I guessed had a painful
relationship in the past which she had
it was so painful that she linked up in
her head that marriage she had a
previous one that was painful equals
death we’re gonna kind of keep you away
from getting into closer relationship
right and how did her brain do that well
she said she was in this relationship
but was so great but after they got
married this man became physically
abusive verbally abusive he basically
did everything he could to control every
aspect of her life and the worst thing
of all was he finally got up developed
the courage to divorce this man he
threatened dolly her life but he also
threatened their own son’s life
and when that happens she got linked up
marriage equals death to not only need a
potential loss of the life of my child
that’s even more than the loss of her
own life for her well it’s not too hard
to figure out that if your brain says
why am I feeling his ultimate pain it
looks for something unique and says well
cuz I’m married and then it looks around
and says what was happening about the
same time I felt the pain marriage and
you say what was consistent during the
pain you go marriage pretty soon you can
avoid marriage but it doesn’t stop there
her brain also linked up that the cause
of her pain was something else two men
was after all what was unique I had this
man around I was married to a man right
and then secondly what else was going on
well about the same time I was feeling
the pain I was with this man and sure
enough what was recent this man right on
time I’d the pain he was there every
time so sure enough all sudden she’s
avoiding all men but didn’t stop there
she also linked up that the reason she
felt this pain was because she trusted
so as a result her brain linked up
unconsciously if you trust then you will
die now I would say to you the opposite
is true if you don’t trust if you don’t
have faith then you instantly die
internally you may not die physically
but you die emotionally because anything
that’s worth living in life requires
faith
it requires trusting it requires knowing
that you can get out of the chair and
walk on this floor and when you step out
on the floor you don’t stop and have to
analyze can I do this and you don’t
weigh everything and think about your
weight and the structure of the floor
what’s underneath that you just trust
otherwise you’d be immobilized you have
to trust the drive a car you have to
have faith to enter a relationship death
faith to start a business you have to
face when all of a sudden somebody this
company says these 35,000 people are
gone into faith that if you’re one of
those 35,000 that there is a better plan
for you and that you will now act on
that faith and take action and find that
better plan that better solution for
your life you must have that
you lose trust you lose meaning when you
lose meaning you lose your life again
maybe not physically but certainly
emotionally and when you lose it
emotionally the physical loss of life
often is not that far behind medical
researchers are now proving the
mind-body connection is not some psycho
babble but a physical reality that the
way we think in the way we feel about
our lives affects us physically in fact
dr. Chopra recently shared with me that
there is a new study that was done in
the state of Massachusetts where they
began to study what causes someone to
die of their first heart attack before
the age of 50 were they never get
another chance I was what was the number
one risk factor they wanted to know and
they assumed that what would cause
someone to die from just their very
first heart attack never another chance
would be a person just had so much
cholesterol in their body the body
wasn’t able to recover they found out
that was not the number one risk factor
and they thought well maybe that
diabetes maybe it was more of a genetic
factor they had once again disproved
that theory with the Department of
Health Education and Welfare for the
state of Massachusetts states in their
article clearly is the most important
risk factor determine that you will die
of your first heart attack and not get a
second chance is what they call job
dissatisfaction you’ve got to have a
deeper meaning for your life than oh I’m
on that grindstone again or I’m on that
treadmill the wonder of those people
life’s turn to alcohol or drugs or
television and even then they can’t find
something entertaining themselves even
then they don’t sense any fulfillment
because distraction does not create a
life of significance distraction does
not create joy distraction will not give
you what you’re seeking drugs will not
change your life for the better right
what they’ll do is hurt you they’ll
create pain and there are all kinds of
drugs anything that doesn’t expand you
as a human being or allow you to share
more love and joy with others in a
natural way that enhances your
physiology and your mind your emotions
and your spirit is something you
probably don’t need
you gotta grow you gotta expand you got
to contribute you’ve got to know that
you’re here for a purpose there are no
mistakes there is a meaning even if you
haven’t found it yet you must discover
it and you know what for most people
they don’t discovered the meaning of
their life until their life is over what
a sad place to be or until they have a
life-threatening illness
we’re until somebody very close to them
that they love is about to leave them
you don’t have to wait for the pain to
discover the meaning oh I know what I
found the purpose of my life you decide
what it is you discover it and you
decide this is it maybe later on I’ll
define it I probably will but for right
now this is why I’m playing the game of
life this is what it’s about every day
if I’m just being this way if I’m just
doing these kinds of simple things with
other people with myself then I know I’m
on track I know there’s a reason for my
existence we all have that and I know
you know a story of Viktor Frankl right
the manner up man’s search for meaning
here’s a man who’s in a Nazi
concentration camp with pain everywhere
around him knowing any moment he could
be gassed or may be spared and if he
asperity to have the unique privilege of
going out and taking the dead bodies out
of those gas chambers putting them in
the big ovens talk about intense and yet
somehow in the midst of that pain he
found a deeper meaning the meaning was
that even though he was in pain in the
moment somehow someday he would survive
this and he would come to share the
story so that this would never happen to
other people in the future he couldn’t
find a meaning in the moment he found a
meaning in the future and for most of us
the meaning that we want for our lives
is here today and it’s preparing us for
an even greater meaning in the future if
we’ll just use all of our life’s
experience
pain and the pleasure to become more to
prepare ourselves for whatever it is
that our Creator has brought us here for
to prepare ourselves so that at the
moment of truth where we are needed we
will deliver my real belief is we’re
going to be delivering all along the way
it isn’t something that someday you’re
gonna do it’s something new every day
are doing you know my former spouse
Becky just recently lost her father and
it’s been a tough time for her because
in a very short period of time here
she’s lost both her mom and her dad and
that’s an event you cannot control and
God knows we tried you know three years
ago when they told us that father had
cancer they told us that he would die
within a period of anywhere from three
to six months and we just did not allow
them to tell him that for the obvious
reasons you know how odd I believe from
all the people we’ve learned from from
everyone from dr. Bernie Siegel to
Norman Cousins to dr. Deepak Chopra we
understand the mind-body connection if
someone decides that because they have
some dis-ease in their body what it
means is they’re gonna die then of
course they will unfortunately he never
found out that diagnosis and what we did
is we kept making sure he had a
compelling future he had a sense of
meaning a variety of things that he was
needed for and it was amazing how he
physically responded only had trips
scheduled for him to go to Fiji on which
he went on and talked about how we
needed his help with our resort there
and helping some of the genes in the
garden because the garden for him
created so much meaning in his life was
about supporting about nurturing about
helping life along a little bit and so
he that he was excited about things we
wanted to do with his grandkids and we
kept giving him compelling futures and
sure enough three months went by he was
healthy six months went by he was
healthy a year went by and through a
variety of interventions pretty soon he
seemed to be better and tells just
recently when we started getting phone
calls from his neighbors he lived up in
a place called Ram Colorado
a little town with 14 people in it and
he’s been a major part of for years and
years and they started calls to tell us
that they didn’t think he could take
care of himself anymore so we flew out
and brought him back here the first few
days he was in phenomenal shape it was
like he was completely restored being
around the grandkids and then being in
the environment he was all excited to
share about things that have happened in
his little town of RAM that he helped to
create there about all about the calves
that he helped to deliver and about the
planting season and how they helped
people through the winter and some of
the stories they’d been telling and he
was just totally alive and we took him
to doctors for a series of tests they
said they wanted to keep him overnight
the next day we called and I spoke to
his main doctor and he said it looks
like he just has a foreign meningitis so
he said that’ll be really easily
treatable and he should be okay and he
said does so don’t worry
he said we’re just gonna do a series
more tests because he’s a bit dehydrated
he lives in an altitude of about 11,500
feet and he’s not drinking enough water
and he said so you know we’re gonna run
a couple more tests he said next day he
said but I think he’ll be fine he said I
have to go out of town he said my you
know partner doctor will be working with
him so said I’ve passed on all the
information you can check in with him
tomorrow
well the next day Becky went to go see
her dad and I was out doing a seminar
and I got a phone call on the phone call
was that they done additional tests and
that they found out that the cancer had
spread throughout his spine and into his
brain and while it wasn’t treatable
before when they told us three years ago
it’s certainly not treatable now
and they thought he would die within
weeks the worst part was though they
also told this to him before they told
the Becky so he had no one there to
support him through the process or to
give him other options when I found this
out of it came so angry with the doctors
cuz I focused on how he’d violated what
we asked him to do and how the other
doctor should have told his partner
doctor not to tell him yet to allow us
to talk to him to prepare him for the
situation that was so harsh it was so
unfair and and the meaning of it was
that it was gonna really harm him that
it all said he would give up hope and
what I wanted to do was lash out and
fortunately I didn’t lash out instead I
started focused on what’s happening to
see so what can I do so I went to go see
him and talk to him and it was
unbelievable he looked like he just aged
ten years in a day because what happened
is he had no future there was no purpose
in fighting the pain or trying to make
things happen or you know trying to tell
stories or do anything because after all
you’re gonna die anyway soon and that
was kind of the way he was interpreting
it
sure enough no matter what we said he
just didn’t seem to respond he’s just
seemed to go into a total stupor and for
the next day and a half or so he just
sat in the corner he really didn’t say
very much or communicate very much you
just said not to bother with him that he
was fine didn’t open up emotionally I
just sat down with him tonight I cried
and I told him how much I loved him and
when Becky loved him and how he needed
to share with us what he was really
feeling because holding that back wasn’t
keep protecting us from pain was just
felt separate from him then we met that
he could choose how what this was gonna
mean for his life that he the doctors
had told us three years ago that he was
gonna die when the matter of months then
hearing was three years later I said
what if you would have just sat around
for three years in this little corner
doing nothing because you thought you’re
gonna die any day or any week and should
that be pretty crazy on he started
laughs I said look at this I said you
can’t just sit off in this corner hey
you might die tomorrow you might die in
six weeks you might die in six months in
my die in six years you might die in ten
or twenty years and really screw these
people’s brains up I said it doesn’t
matter
how long you’re gonna live what’s gonna
matters how are you gonna live while
you’re here I said you’ve lived an
incredible life that he in World War two
you were a pilot you know you’re a
businessman now you’re this guy who’s
touching this little town up in Colorado
everybody knows you and cares about you
loves you because you love them I said
you braise these incredible kids I said
you know if you’re gonna go go out and
style go out because you decided to go
out in an energy that you want to where
you really enjoy your life don’t just
shut down because somebody told you
life’s over cuz you buy into it don’t do
it and he said well you know Tony said
the truth is I’m not afraid to die he
said everything he said is truly said
you know my life has been so rich he
says I feel like you know I’ve lived my
purpose now you know I look around and I
see my kids and I see what they’re like
is people and I see what I’ve done and
and I think maybe it’s time for me to go
now
I said listen if you’re deciding to do
that because you really want to go as it
then you know I love you I mean so you
know I I’m gonna cry and I’m like I’ll
try and keep you here and not just
because we love you I said but at the
same time don’t leave cuz somebody tells
you it’s time to go he said well I said
well when it’s time to go you’ll know I
said you can go consciously you can
decide when it’s time you don’t have to
wait till the pain is so intense you
can’t stand it but the same time don’t
go any quicker then your meaning is done
I think right now you’re teaching your
family a whole lot of new lessons
he said yeah that’s probably true I said
so what do you want to do how do you
want to do things I said let’s get your
Fanny out of here let’s get about we
have this great conversation and talk of
all kinds of things that will bore you
the details but I’ll let him know that
you never have to worry about his
daughter and she’d become the kind of
person he could always be proud of it
was amazing because the next three four
or five days he came to life all of a
sudden there was a purpose and things
again all the sudden he was alive he’d
go out by the pool and tell stories and
so forth and he went over to the Polo
Grounds and did all kinds of just really
great things and then I went away for a
seminar and I came back two days later
and it was like he was gone he could
barely even talk he’s having a difficult
time holding himself up you have
round-the-clock care for him pretty soon
he wasn’t able to carry on a
conversation he would start talking
gibberish and start seeing things that
were invisible and point to them we did
how the end was coming and as the end
star to come there was more and more
pain tears
and we felt it all and also at the same
time reminded ourselves hey we’re making
this thing but it’s lost because if our
short-term thinking about this man in
his body and his presence but his life
will live on beyond his physical
presence here and for him what it
probably means his freedom finally be
free of the painful bodies been in for
so many years for him it’s a chance to
be with his wife Becky’s mom she has to
be whether the loved ones
there was another meeting that could
give you joy at the same time you’re
feeling pain and so we try to focus on
those and one night I got home and all
of a sudden I was called by the nurse
Becky’s dad just passed away
and share with back we cried my talk to
the same time she felt that Gladwell
says peace for him
it’s amazing how instantly how we felt
could change just by changing what we
focused on more lost his game
– the feeling of joy for him to be free
we couldn’t control the event but we
could certainly
minds that thinking beyond ourselves to
something deeper to a deeper meaning in
life
I got back yesterday from gonna back you
up to this little town and ran Colorado
well done I’d never been to before bet
you’ve been there many times I got a
chance to see where Cecil lived and the
impact he had you didn’t really want a
funeral he never liked people quote put
on airs for anything he was a simple man
simple values a simple mission when I
got there I looked around and he never
explicitly said what the mission of his
life was a purpose of his life but in a
town of 14 people on we went out to this
gravesite to put his body into the
ground and suddenly person after person
started showing up we knew all 14 people
be there because we nearly touched them
all they all loved him he was the
storyteller it’s the man that took an
old car years ago and painted it black
and white but a star on the side but a
dump in the inside glasses made it look
like a police car so the people came
running through this little town which
consists about seven or eight buildings
that they might slow down his house was
called the rand Yacht Club because he
invited everybody out for coffee every
single morning at least 300 days a year
figured I could tell him a story and
cheer him up he’s surrounded a
restaurant they were called the liars
lair the reason was because he had
people he’d tell people stories and you
tell the wildest tales and get people to
believe them sure enough after about 10
or 15 years began to realize that some
of these things were stories and they
all laughed as they told me stories
about this incredible man who touched
their lives when we got to the gravesite
not only did 14 people show up but this
town it’s four hours outside of Denver
people came from all over people came
from my Oh me people came from Denver
pretty soon there were a hundred people
at a gray site where there’s not
supposed to be a service
to honor a man who touched their lives
so we said you know you don’t have any
formal service because that’s not what
he wanted but before we put his body in
the ground as I like to say anything we
all talked about how he touched them
their life was greater because he was
such a loving soul and his smile a Tesla
that his stories attached
that just his manner that he was lover
of people and animals
because he’d been in this pound their
lives would never be the same people who
come through the town just for a day
just his little kindness he was a man
who said if you can’t say something nice
about somebody don’t say anything at all
he never said a negative word about
anybody in fact one man probably the
most telling tale of this man’s life
he said cecil’s the kind of guys to the
sat down one day with him I said what
are you doing about all those rodents
that keep stealing all our animals are
you poison in the Murray shooting at me
trapping him are you killing what are
you doing because they’re taking all my
stuff and Cecil said no he said I just
plant twice as much I thought what a
life what a man his life was his mission
his mission was real simple love people
love animals love beings make the world
a little bit better by just being nice
he lived a life of significance one that
had mean
you didn’t go out and change everything
on earth you didn’t make a billion
dollars
he doesn’t have people writing him up
everywhere but he changed people’s lives
and he died in his sleep out of pain the
day he decided to go and he created in
his family a greater sense of courage to
look at life in a new way and a greater
sense of dedication to give him more he
added to our drive he had at our
commitment to be givers in life as he
was – any soul who had the privilege of
cross his path
[Music]
I hope it also makes you think about
what’s most important in your life I
remember an interview with Michael
Landon in Life magazine when he knew he
was gonna go he said quote somebody
should tell us right at the start of our
lives that were dying and we might live
life to the limit every minute of every
day do what I say whatever you want to
do do it now there are only so many
tomorrow’s if you and I are gonna live
our lives fully and then maybe sometimes
we can take the experiences of those
around us
and learn from them we can learn that
when all of our lives worry the warnings
or examples ceaseless life was an
incredible example he didn’t think
anything in life was insignificant not a
rodent not a flower and not an animal
not a stranger passing through
he live by a philosophy but they also
live in Fiji by the way Fiji was his
favorite place the last things he told
me was that happiest time his life last
few years with the trips he took to Fiji
mangas cuz he felt like there everybody
understood what he understood the life
is meant to be a happy to be a joy to
appreciate the little things as well as
the big things appreciate one another to
be givers to be lovers of life I say to
you that if you’re driven by anything
other than your love then your spirit
and your desire to contribute your
desire to grow and expand if you’re
driven by their need to please others if
you’re driven by your fear if you’re
driven by your past maybe it’s time to
free yourself and the way to do it is
decide decide consciously what you want
your life to be about decide consciously
what’s the purpose your life something
simple something you can live every
single day
you know I think that they look at
people’s lives and I see the people who
are having so much difficulty I think
the number one reason why people fail to
experience joy and life experience life
as a win it’s not because their life
isn’t the wind because the wind can be
just reaching out and touching somebody
around you the wind can be just telling
somebody you love them the wind could be
taking care of your body God’s temple
the wind could be stopping and feeling
grateful the wind could be anywhere you
don’t have to land on the moon to have
the win and you can enjoy landing on the
moon too how much better to enjoy the
process because we’re gonna spend most
of our life in process towards the
achievement of goals I’m not saying
don’t go do things and I’m not saying
don’t have grand schemes and dreams and
not saying don’t do those cuz our lives
are better because people dreamed huge
dreams and they’ve made them happen but
I’m saying don’t do it the expense of
not appreciating what’s true along the
way and the Cecil’s are – is obvious all
those little things that are so so
important and we’ve always believed it
important I feel like we’ve always lived
that they’re important but I just want
to redouble the effort part of my
commitment to him and I sell and he has
honor I challenge you to do the same I
challenge you to hold yourself to a
higher standard I challenge you to
realize that you’re here for a purpose
there’s something for you to do and be
here for yourself and for others you
can’t just do for others not do for
yourself or you won’t be here so this is
really designed to get you to ask
yourself are you being efficient are you
being effective in your life there’s a
big difference if you’re being efficient
then what you’re doing is you’re doing
things right but if you’re being
effective you’re doing the right things
are you doing the things that are gonna
give you the most joy in your life why
are you doing what you’re doing
and where is it taking you you know we
all need to have what I call a code of
conduct a set of standards we hold
ourselves to every day about how we’re
gonna be is people the kinds of states
we’re gonna live in cuz it’s out of
those states that we affect everyone
around this just stop and think about
what’s most important think about why
you’re here what’s the purpose
your life step out of the moment and
into eternity think about what’s eternal
when you’re feeling insecure start to
realize there is something inside of you
that is never-ending if there’s
something inside of you that is
unchangeable and that’s the part of you
that knows what is right what to do and
why you’re here so you know that may
sound metaphysical and may sound
religious or spiritual call it whatever
you want but know that the bottom line
is that you are here for a reason
and that it’s a special reason that only
you know and it may be that you haven’t
found it because you’re looking for
something huge and it may be that you’re
living it right now you’re just not
appreciating your purpose maybe what
you’re doing right now
is your life purpose this thing that you
detest most or maybe what it is doing is
giving you the challenge to really
discover something within yourself
that’ll allow you to give and be more
because life is about two things being
and doing how are you gonna be as a
human being I mean ultimately our
destiny is who do we become as people
and what do you do what do you
contribute that’s what it’s about that’s
what gives us a sense of fulfillment and
a life of significance it’s one of
growth and contribution it’s one you
decide what your life’s about simply are
you what are you here for you here to
live to learn to grow here to love what
are you here for I’m asking these
questions I’m hoping you’re thinking not
just listening to me
what is the special plan for you you’ve
got to discover the purpose of your life
there is a plan there’s something here
for you that’s different than anybody
else in the world and you’ve got to
discover what it is and the best way to
discover is just trust your instinct and
say what is it that was simple was clear
and I was living your day why am I here
because if you never discover your
purpose how can you ever win the game of
life how can you really enjoy it the
early
I look around at people so often they’re
so unhappy and I think the reason is
that they don’t ever win in the game of
life it’s a game they feel like they
can’t win like they’re always losing and
the reason number one is I think there’s
seven reasons I’ll give you seven I’ve
jotted some down you know I think number
one is I think most people never win the
game of life they never feel fulfilled I
never feel joy because they don’t know
the purpose of the game if you don’t
know the purpose of the game what’s your
chances I’ve ever women I’ve ever gotten
ring the bell feel that sense of
fulfillment or joy or passion or love or
whatever it is that you truly want at
the deepest level see if you can tell
the purpose the game you don’t know the
goal is pretty hard to set up your game
to win isn’t it pretty soon you start
pursuing things that don’t give you
fulfillment living somebody else’s wife
other than your own you gotta know what
are you doing it all for what do you
really want but ask most people this
question what do you want they give me
answers like well I know what I don’t
want I don’t want to live this way
anymore I don’t want to feel like Alan
emu whore that’s not gonna give you what
you want what do you really know I want
to finally be financially secure so I
can retire great
you know statistics about retirement
actuary is statistics from insurance
companies show the three years after a
man retires specifically on using men
guess what happens he dies to retire is
to die and for some people this is like
their major aim think about it her time
is gonna make you happy
you gotta have a purpose you gotta know
what it is you’ve got to decide what it
is at least for now know that that
vision will continue to expand second
reason why most people fail the game
called life cuz even though they don’t
know the purpose of the game that got
tons of rules about how it must be
played they don’t even know the goal
they got all these rules they gotta live
by and only do they have rules for
themselves but they have rules for
everybody else around them rules for how
their spouse should be rules about how
their boss should be rules from people
they don’t even know on the street
should be you know it’s so often or
likely get upset with other people and
it’s not about the other people it’s
about our rules they’re doing something
we know they shouldn’t be doing or
they’re not doing something we know they
should be doing right we need to just
relax a little bit you need to realize
that whatever people are doing they got
a reason may not be a very
intelligent reason by our perspective
but who are we to say and you know what
and maybe it isn’t an intelligent reason
by lots of people’s ideas but you know
what is a reason I mean it all comes
down how we wire ourselves as human
beings see whenever you see somebody you
think they’re doing something crazy have
some compassion
are there any stupid things you’ve never
done in your lifetime or crazy
I would hallucinate based on my own
personal experience answer maybe you
betcha from the bottom line is we got to
understand that things are going on that
we don’t understand with people you know
one time I was talking to Stephen Covey
about times when we misinterpreted
people’s behavior and he told me about
this time he got on the subway and this
man walked in and brought on a bunch of
his kids and they were just running
rampant screaming yelling making noise
creating havoc
you know Stephens more of a mellow
centered kind of guy he doesn’t like the
kind of environment even on the subway
and the bottom line is you know he
didn’t want to say anybody found stuff
getting more and more irritating the man
scene he’d be just ignoring the kids
like man didn’t even matter what they
were doing so he found himself on the
point where he actually spoke up so
Stephen turned him and said you know do
you think you might want to do something
about these children and the man looked
at him and said oh yeah I guess I said
huh he said we just got back to the
hospital or their mother just died he
said I just don’t think they know how to
deal with it
quite honestly neither do I
like absolute garbage and he said it
made him from then on and realize
whatever’s going on there may be
something else going on as well I mean a
half compassion gave him fewer rules for
other people in his life not a bad idea
but we were talking about people that
don’t succeed in life oh I hope they
succeed one they don’t know the purpose
of the game too they got tons of rules
even though none of the purpose how’d
you like to be in a game and you’re
trying to win hey you don’t know the
goal and you got a zillion rules you
gotta live by it’ll be pretty
frustrating wouldn’t it well ads step
three do it here’s the third reason
people fail to win the game of life and
that is because their rules are in
conflict we’ve got all these different
special rules where we contradict
ourselves we’re in one situation you’re
supposed to be one way and another
situation is supposed to be totally
different in order to be effective team
if you got a bunch of rules in conflict
which most of us do you’re gonna have
pain you’re gonna have frustrations in
your life here’s the fourth reason why
most people want one the game of life
because even when the person plays by
the rules they don’t always win Lord you
do everything right you don’t always get
rewarded you give your all you put your
heart and soul them on you do everything
right and still sometimes it rains on
your parade sometimes you know a storm
comes down and beat the death out of
your crop all the sudden you’re in the
Midwest and the flood comes and destroys
all you’ve worked on you know that kind
of messes your brain a little bit you
start saying hey you know why even try
there’s no meaning this everything I do
is for naught that’s worthless not
realizing there’s a deeper meaning
there’s a meaning beyond the moment that
what’s happening in this life right now
this event you can’t control whether
it’s the loss of a father as Becky has
gone through and a father in law’s I
have or there’s loss of a business or
anything that seems to be a loss is a
gain if you ask yourself how can I use
this what else can this mean if I can’t
use it today how will I use this someday
how can I turn this into opportunity how
can I make myself more how can I use
this pain to sculpt my soul
what can I do right now to move myself
forward these are the kinds of questions
or support you instead of blows me why
me why this have to happen you’ll never
get an answer to those those questions
are leave you in an endless loop here’s
the fifth reason why most people fail in
the game called life sometimes you break
the rules and you win oh my gosh you do
something you know is it right you do
something you know you shouldn’t do
something that’s against your own values
against your own way of doing things and
you get pleasure and your brain goes hey
maybe there’s some new rules out here
maybe I don’t have to live by these
rules after all when I work my butt off
and did everything right and help myself
the size standard I got pain I break the
rule I got pleasure maybe this that’s
really wire maybe out of this like take
a look at life being this way you know
it does it takes you away from your
higher purpose it takes you away from
what’s most important in your life and
while you might get pleasure in the
short term you give up that sense of
dignity within yourself that says you’re
doing the right thing
that’s what causes more people to fail
with and I think almost anything else
cuz the ultimate pleasure in life
requires sometimes short-term pain to
get to it and that ultimate pleasures
will you become what you contribute and
the experience of life that you have
because of that growth and contribution
the sixth reason when most people fail
the game called life it’s because in
order to win this game you got to work
with five and a half billion other
people all have the wrong rules they
don’t know the purpose of the game
either and they aren’t real clear that
there are certain rules you must live by
we all have different rules because
we’ve all learned different ways of
getting out of pain and into pleasure in
life we got to learn from one another
and finally the seventh reason why most
people fail the game called life because
they think it’s a life and death game
and you said well it is a life and death
game well I’m the first person to agree
that this is not a practice session this
is the real thing that’s all I’m gonna
live in full-on but if you think
everything is life and death every
moment you put so much pressure on
yourself that you truly will not live
life you’ll live in fear and that’s no
life at all how do you live life and win
the game well in spite of all this stuff
that sounds so terrible there are people
that seem to be winning seem to be
fulfilled seem to be making difference
seem to have a great deal of joy
their life and they seem to have it
consistently and they’re not doing it
through drugs or alcohol or distraction
they’re doing it through living a life
of significance how they’ve done it they
do what we do in our date with destiny
seminar we accomplish seven things in
that seminar and I bring it up because I
hope you’ll take the time and actually
come we’ll get your purpose and your
mission statement and your values all in
the exact order you ideally need them to
be so you’re being told rich and you
want studying pull in multiple
directions but for right now here’s what
we do this is what we’re gonna start
doing on this tape it’s the first thing
these people have who succeed or
fulfilled as they’ve decided what the
purpose of the game is at least for
right now you follow me on this they
said okay I don’t know what the purpose
is ultimately but let me just decide for
right now the purpose of my life as to
what it’s the love and be loved us to
grow it’s to expand us to make a
difference do this is do that they come
up with a purpose which is what I want
you to do at the end this tape the start
I know it’s not the end all and be all
from one tape but I want to get you
started on a mission statement a purpose
statement for your life you got to have
it if you don’t at least have a target
if you don’t know what the goal of the
game is you don’t know what to decide to
do we have all these choices all these
opportunities so you have to choose
between something that’s good and bad
you have to choose between something
that’s good and something that’s great
but if you don’t know what your purpose
is you don’t know you value most of life
you can’t make an easy decision all
decision making is value clarification
if you don’t know where you’re going
then you can get there by any road
you’re not gonna know the difference and
everything looks like great opportunity
one of the biggest challenges in life is
choosing focusing your life deciding
what to spend your time on what to spend
your energy on having a clear purpose
that allows you to do that the second
thing you want to do to make your life
work and those who succeed do this is
they have fewer rules
the more rules you have about how people
have to be in how I’ve has to be for you
to be happy the less happy you’re gonna
be see you know the happiest people
those people say you know every day
above ground is a great day
Happy’s people that people find joy in a
smile joy an adventure joy in a simple
action if you find joy in that area then
all the big things are just a big bonus
for you in your life so when you find
yourself starting to react to something
that someone else has done then you
might want to ask yourself how
significant is this really right is this
so bad is it okay for this person to
have a different opinion a different
view of different feeling than me in
this area and in most cases you might
say yeah it is what would you have to
believe in order to be upset that
everybody has to live by your rules well
maybe in some areas that’s real
important you maybe some of theirs it’s
not a significant you just let go of it
have a lot less pain the third thing
that people win the game of life seem to
have in common is they’ve made their
rules consistent they found the
conflicts in their life when they find
them they’ve been honest themself and
say this is a total contradiction of
what I normally believe in other areas
no more there’s not I’m gonna live my
life for thing these people do that make
them succeed is they give themself
pleasure whenever they win even when the
world doesn’t this is really important
you gotta realize that sometimes you’ll
do everything right you won’t get
acknowledged so what acknowledge
yourself you got to catch yourself doing
little things right and give yourself
the pleasure you deserve after all if
somebody else tells you hey great job
and that makes you feel good it’s
nothing saying great job that makes you
feel good that’s when they say great job
you stop and say oh that means I get to
feel good and you send a little
neurotransmitter lawlz yourself to feel
the pleasure feeling in your body why
not just give it to yourself so that you
keep yourself on track so you’re always
reinforcing good behaviors excellent
behaviors commitments to your highest
values
fifth thing these people have in common
is when they screw up when they don’t do
things right when they violate their own
values they violate their own sense of
purpose in life they give himself a
short burst of pain they say this is not
who I am I stand for more they don’t
wait to the world I have to give them
pain that’s why they’re on track the
sixth thing that these people that win
have in common is that they know that
everybody life has different rules and
so when they get in a relationship with
people they know they’ve got to have
other people in my life to help succeed
in particular area they try to find out
their rules because if you know it’s
most important to people you know what
their rules for life are what their
musts are in life it’s a lot easier and
lastly people who succeed a life they’ve
learned that life has a purpose but they
also at the same time don’t take life
too seriously
they don’t take themselves too seriously
what’s that old funny metaphor why do
angels fly because they take themselves
lately first the bottom line is we’ve
got to look at life in a different way
now with all this conversation we’ve had
here about purpose what are you and I
gonna do right now so that you have a
greater sense of meaning but one is I
don’t need you just go out and create
this grandiose purpose and write pages
and pages and pages I think that the
simplest things can be the most powerful
things so if you can now close your eyes
and think about what you want to be when
you’re gonna grow up go back to a time
when you’re 5 6 7 8 9 10 years old but
you want to be back then what you want
to do who are your role models and why
did you want to be that
think about it just for a second your
head as I’m saying this it might be want
to write a few these things down in fact
pretty soon you’re definitely gonna want
to write things down so that’d be good
to stop the tape right here and just
think about what your purpose is and
pull out a piece of paper and a pen or a
little computer and let’s work together
on this per second what were some of the
things you wanted to be when you were
growing up when you’re a little kid I
remember one of the first things I
wanted to be was an archaeologist now
whatever you wanted to be here’s the
question I want to ask you why did you
want to be that in other words what was
the feeling you were hoping to get from
that what were the sensations what were
you wanting to be and do what we wanted
to get from that when I think back on I
think about what I really want to be as
an archaeologist is I wanted to discover
things and that was the biggest thing I
want to discover things that had not
been asked ever before something new
something unique something different and
I wanted to share that with people I
don’t want to be a person who we’re not
discovered and then shared that
discovery with others they know it’s
interesting I’m doing that today
I’m just not sticking my head in the
sand and doing it I’m doing it by
sticking my head in other people’s
brains and find out what makes them tick
and what find out what makes me tick and
then sharing some of that but that that
feeling that same feeling but I wanted
then I found a way to do it today in a
new way the side challenges think about
what was it you really wanted from that
then think of something else you wanted
to be when you’re growing up I wanted to
also be a police artist later on
remember that you know those guys that
draw those pictures you know and show
people and catch the bad guys and why
did I want to do that what I want to get
from them oh gosh
I said why LA I wanted to create I
wanted to be creative and and I wanted
to help people I wanted to help people
do the right things I want to be father
payment one of they catch bad guys but
most importantly I wanted to create and
help people well guess what I found a
way to do that today different than I
originally thought but the same purpose
is there now maybe it’s not the same
purpose for you for all the things you
want to do maybe they have a common
thread or maybe they’re different
threads that are rapport
what else did you want to be when you’re
going up and why did you want it what
feelings did you hope it would give you
what did you what did you hope would
come from it think for a second I’ll
give you another one in mind while
you’re thinking try and trigger you also
want to do well I wanted to definitely
be a rock star I wanted to be able to
entertain people to change their
emotional states to use my voice and my
face and my body to give people more
passion in their lives and I found
another way to do that plus I get to
work with some of these people the other
day I got a chance to go to the
Aerosmith concert I kind of grew up
listening to those guys and I found out
the Steven Tyler and some of these guys
are fans of mine as well went backstage
and I met Tim Collins who’s their
manager and he told me a phenomenal
story so that years ago in the early 80s
when Aerosmith was in really bad shape
the guys were hooked on heroin and they
were losing everything financially and
the group had broken up but he decided
he’s gonna turn it around and he read
two books Think and Grow Rich and a
little book called unlimited power and
he said that what he learned there gave
him the inspiration and some of the
tools and strategies that get himself
off heroin and coke and they need a
group intervention and help the other
guys do the same and these guys are now
in a mission they’re totally clean
they’re Evian water drinking guys that
are out there hearing their rock and
roll on their message and they’re doing
healthfully I got a chance to meet
Stephen
Tyler is just an incredible guy when
these guys have been touring for 23
years giving their all passionately
everyday feel like their brothers and I
was really interesting cuz he said you
know I watched on TV all the time I feel
like we walk on the same path you know
and he said I listened to your tapes he
said we really have the same mission so
you know do you think you’d get together
us and do a gig for us what do you mean
he’s like you know the guys on the
weekend did you maybe like do your gig
for us so we can all participate on
weekend as they’re allowed when I pinch
myself I sound cool now I get to do a
gig for Aerosmith I’m not out there rock
and rollin but sort of I am I’m working
with the rock and rollers there’s fun so
my point is maybe you’re not doing what
you originally envisioned but maybe
you’ll find a way to do it even better
if you have some faith maybe if you keep
developing yourself and you know at
least the emotion you want the
contribution you want to create just
find a better way most importantly
before you can find a way you got to
know the essence of what it is you
really want what is that purpose that’s
what I’m really asking you about now
with your eyes closed again think about
a situation in your life when you felt
like you’re really on a roll you know
the kind of situation I’m talking about
we you just felt incredibly good at
great feelings but things were just
flowing things were effortless when you
thought yourself
wow I love this this is what life’s
about I love this is it this is this is
what life is really about
can you remember time like that in your
life at any age younger all will you
really felt like you’re in that flow
even this is it this is what life’s
about think of a situation like that
right now
remember that time that back into your
mind back in your body like you were
there and look through your own eyes as
you were then when you felt like this is
what life’s about and see what you saw
here what you heard what were you doing
what were you feeling
what were the state you’re in what were
you experiencing yeah think about it and
tell me what is it and it was there
anything in common with this with some
of the other things you’ve wanted to
have in your life the feelings you want
to have maybe you wanted to grow or
create or contributer discover or expand
or challenge what is it love what were
the feelings what were you doing then
when you get a sense of what that was
then think about this they got another
situation you’ll I think of a second one
where you felt like you’re on a roll at
some other point in your life when
things were flowing when you felt this
is it this is what life’s about I love
this think of another time like that to
step into that situation as well
step into it right now and she step in
that situation look around see what you
saw and hear it you’re her that’s you
what you were feeling man what’s
happening in that moment not just what
you were doing notice what you were
doing were you creating or writing or
speaking communicating or or
manufacturing something or studying or
learning what were you doing but also
how are you feeling what would the state
you’re in and what were you doing for
others that they were involved what
other people involved what was the
process what how are you being and what
were you doing feel in your body is
there anything that is similar between
this and last experience or anything
about this that’s similar between this
and the feelings that you wanted for
those things you wanted to be when
you’re gonna grow up that’s it notice it
and capture not only the idea of this
but the feeling as well now one more
time think of something else another
time at any age when you felt like
you’re on a major role things are really
fun we felt incredible you felt like I
love this this is what life’s really
about this is it
think of another situation like that
right now and as you step into that
situation right now notice what were you
doing what were you creating what we
have sharing what were you feeling
feeling these feelings think about the
purpose of your life if you were gonna
say it in a simple phrase not even
paragraphs and paragraphs simple phrase
or a sentence or two and you’re gonna
write down the purpose in my life is to
what if you’re gonna do it you’re gonna
have a couple simple criteria one has
got to be stated positive not the
personal life is to stop all the
horrible things in the world no no
something positive something stated in
the positive and if it was gonna be
something brief and it was gonna be
something emotionally charged in terms
of its words for you it has to have how
you’re gonna be as a person and what we
gonna do and it’s gotta include not just
other people like I’m gonna change other
people’s lives or I’m gonna make the
world better for other people it’s gotta
you got to be in your own mission
statement you got to be your own purpose
today but you got to be in there too and
other people don’t have a purpose – for
me to be happy cuz we’re all connected
so if it’s you and others being and
doing brief ensure what is the purpose
of your life
what is it right now what comes into
your head not the right answer not the
perfect answer just the answer the
purpose your life is to be and do what
for yourself another just say it out
loud just say it don’t even write down
at first and you got a pen and paper
than right at that purpose my life is no
what say it again try something keep
changing it and if you write it down
each time it’ll give you better saw it I
prefer if you write it down but just
come up with something
the purpose of my life for me Tony
Robbins is to serve God and my fellow
man by being a powerful loving
passionate outrageous courageous strong
playful crazy example of the unlimited
possibilities that God gives when you
commit your life to service when you
really focused on contribution that’s my
life’s about I know what I feel like I
can change the word slightly here in
there but I know the essence of my life
and you’ve got to know what that is for
you that is what will help you to make
the decisions that will give you the
motivation to get up early and stay up
late that’ll make you connect with
people the way you’ve never connected
before but you got to know what it is
and it’s got to be more than just you
you and others gonna debrief it’s got to
be emotions got to be intense so go do
it right now turn off the tape and just
start writing my crazy what is the
purpose of your life and when you write
something write another thing cross it
out write another one to keep writing it
better and better so you got something
you like them to turn the tape back on
go for it do it now the purpose of your
life is to what
you did turn this thing off didn’t you
you’re not just sitting there thinking
come on if you write it out it’ll be
better with more precision turn off if
you’re on your way back then just ignore
the last sentence welcome back daddy got
something you really like I hope so
I know it’s not the end-all be-all it
better not be perfect or I’m gonna come
through this tape and grab you your job
is not to be perfect it’s to be
excellent perfection can never really be
achieved in any way if you’re truly a
perfectionist then it’s never perfect
but it’s getting better all the time so
what is the purpose of your life and how
does it feel and you think about this is
the purpose of my life let me give you
one other criteria did you write it so
you can only achieve it once you die if
so change it because we don’t want you
have to die to achieve your purpose
which is what some people have it should
be something you can experience every
day you know whatever you do whether
you’re just sitting at the lunch counter
walking through a grocery store you’re
going and conducting your business I
don’t care what it is it should be
something you can feel and you gotta
find what that is for you and I had a
language that at least for now see and
know the goal of the game with that your
life takes on a whole nother dimension
so I should go out over the next month
try something take this purpose
statement and keep in front of you put
it in the system you use for managing
your time and keeping your to-do list
put it up on the wall nearby and as you
look at it each day don’t just write it
and forget about it think about each day
how can I live my purpose more when you
go to make a decision about doing
something and you’re not sure why you’re
doing it you can always go back to your
purpose you can do it going into a
meeting and already going to meeting I’m
going to meet I’m gonna be powerful
loving passionate rageous playful I’m
gonna inspire people to see what’s
possible if we really serve all the
people around us that’s not how to
figure out you have a guiding principle
no matter what happens
principles don’t change the essence of
who you are will not change the
environment they change the vehicles may
change but what’s inside of you won’t
let me say one final thing to you before
it’s in do you often have you take some
more time to work on your mission state
one is uh if you want to send me your
mission statement the Robbins research
I’d love to receive it I’d love to see
how you’ve language the purpose of your
life so if you feel like doing that
please do and address it to me
personally the other thing is this I
want you to realize that very often not
getting your dream gives you your
destiny what I mean by that is this so
often as I said when we start this tape
people set up a goal or a demon they
don’t get it and then they feel so
disappointed so frustrated sometimes
resentful towards others or are took
their Creator or towards themselves are
not accomplishing or achieving it but
the truth of the matter is whenever
something happens you must find an
empowering meaning you must ask yourself
how can I use this if this was to serve
a higher purpose in my life how would I
use it to serve a higher purpose if this
was gonna make me into somebody more how
would I use it to make me more and very
often in life if you really look back on
your life the worst situations in your
life have been the best if you were
willing to trust that it happened for a
reason that somehow even though this is
painful you’d never want it to happen
again somehow this is gonna serve you
maybe you were hurt by someone or some
situation but because of that your kids
will never be hurt the same way you did
when you were a child or maybe you went
through some tough time but because of
that you did help somebody else so they
won’t have to go through the same pain
you did maybe the pain made you make a
new decision to send you’re in a brand
new direction that brought you to this
destiny I really truly believe in my
heart of hearts that have are willing to
trust and have fate and look for answers
and actively pursue them that every
human experience supports us even those
that are painful and I believe we can
probably do them without the pain bullet
the pain to strike or something happens
outside your control which it will
instead of living in fear that that will
happen someday you want to live for the
sense of certainty that says no matter
what happens I will benefit from because
I will look for benefits and therefore I
will find them that simple now I’ll give
you a good metaphor you know there’s a
great movie I’m sure you recall was
called the Field of Dreams in it they
said if you build it they will come
in the movie Kevin Costner seeks out an
old man by the name of dr. am he’s
played by Burt Lancaster and when he
first meets this man he’s going to see
him to tell him about a field of dreams
that Kevin has developed a place where
these old men could come back and play
again to be young again to live their
dream Hilary meets doctor and he starts
to talk to him he says I understand that
you only were able to play one inning in
your life because I Graham said well
yeah my whole life’s dream was always to
play baseball to be a professional he
said every single day I gave my all I
lived this passion he said you know I
took ground balls and batting practice
and I pushed myself and he said finally
I made it I made it to the big leagues
and the whole season went by without my
being able to play and finally at the
end of the season in the eighth inning
the coach looked over at me and said kid
I want you in right field he said I was
so happy I couldn’t believe it I ran out
on the field and he said I stood out
there and right field waiting for
somebody hit it to me waiting for my
chance and nothing happened then when we
came back in he said my turn to bat
never came and the next year they
without giving me another chance or even
giving me a chance they sent me back to
the minor leagues and he said I couldn’t
I just couldn’t take it ok
take going through that again so I quit
Kevin Costner said oh my god that’s
unbelievable what incredible pain what
devastation that must have destroyed you
I mean for any man to be that close to
his dream and have your dream pass you
by as if it doesn’t even know it’s you
he said that that must have been the
most destructive painful Banga that
that’s a total disaster
talk about today we got a look at what
makes you really do what you do
everything on earth has a purpose and
you do to that purpose provides an inner
drive that once you tap into it can give
your life immense fulfillment it’ll also
give you certainty cuz you know right
now what a world that’s changing so
rapidly that virtually every time you
turn around you hear about something
else that’s changing and I personally
get to deal with hundreds of thousands
of people per year I see about 250 to
300 thousand people a year in my live
programs and I hear so much excitement
there’s so much fear about the pace of
change I mean we’ve all talked about
changes happening so rapidly now in
paradigm shifts all that stuff has
become so overused at this point that we
become numb to it but it’s true never in
the history of the world of things
changed so rapidly so you need to find
something that’s eternal inside of
yourself that no matter what changes on
the surface this part of you does not
change it’s the part you come back to
the part that guides you the part that
really makes you fulfilled
and that’s your purpose because all of a
sudden when you find out a friend’s got
cancer or you turn around and you see
that 35,000 people IBM got laid off or
an entire industry disappeared overnight
because a new one was created it’ll give
you a way to find some good and
virtually anything your purpose is
available to you at any moment of your
life but you got to know what it is
before we get into it let me back up a
little bit here okay I have a good
friend is one of the most successful
financial people in the country he works
in all these financial markets he’s an
incredibly successful businessman and I
know he’s working very hard right now on
a goal and I went to visit him recently
and boy he’s working hard he’s gonna
achieve that goal but you know when the
goal is finally there then he’s gonna be
happy I thought no no no no you know
each moment we’ve got to be able to find
some sense of meaning for our life
something that a significant something
is useful and we all know this is not a
new conversation but as your coach and
as your friend in these tapes I’d like
to draw your attention to some things
that maybe you already know but haven’t
thought about for a while maybe get you
to put some of your focus into the most
important area life which is enhancing
meaning see all of us in life have to
have a reason to be here if all you’re
doing out there is going out and trying
to achieve goals and then you achieve
them that I’m sure you’ve run into that
trip up wire that says okay I’ve
achieved the goal now what right we
achieve the goal and your brain says is
this all there is see the purpose of a
goal is I’ve shared with you so many
times is not to achieve the goal the
purpose of the goal is what it makes of
us as people who we become
ultimately with all we have to have a
sense but who we even have become as
some kind of meaning without that
there’s not a reason to live it’s not a
reason to get up there’s not a reason to
go out there and make it happen what’s
really controlling this man’s life is
fear when people say they’re cynical or
they’re pessimistic what they’re really
screaming out to you is I’m scared out
of my mind I’m afraid to dream again I’m
afraid to think about what’s possible
I’m afraid to really put myself on the
line and say I’m gonna go for something
I’m gonna stand for something I’m gonna
put myself in line in a relationship or
my business or my vision to make a
difference in the world because you know
what maybe at one time this person did
that maybe they tried it several times
and it didn’t work and they got pain and
pain and pain but he said they didn’t
want the pain so they stopped dreaming
he stopped and visioning he stopped
coming up with meaning instead they try
to keep themself away from the pain by
saying well there’s no meaning at all
anyway but unfortunately that gives you
the ultimate pain cuz it gives you a
life without meaning and no one can live
a life that’s fulfilled without a sense
of meaning see we’ve been put here for a
reason
question is why and the answer I think
is different for every one of us it’s
different for me than it is for you and
yet it’s the same every one of us has
been put here every one of us is unique
and different and special and I believe
our Creator if I’m gonna use the word
God if I’m a God has put you here for a
reason
questions what is it God does not create
things without a purpose everything on
earth serves the purpose why are you
here what are you here to do what are
you here to become to create and to give
these are some of the most significant
questions that you can answer in your
life and even when you answer them I’m
sure that as your life expands you’ll
come up with better answers as you get
more experience and you get closer in
touch with your own innermost being and
maybe your closer in touch with your
Creator as well so Tony where are you
going with this I’m really going to the
essence of giving your life what you
deserve which is knowing that there are
no mistakes knowing that every little
thing you do has a consequence it can be
a positive consequence
if you choose it the most powerful thing
that has consequence in your life though
is the thing we talk about so often but
I gotta say it again and that is what’s
really ultimately shaping our lives our
decisions the first decision is a
decision about what to focus on where
your focus goes can determine how you
think how you feel what you do
ultimately what your life turns out like
what you’re able to contribute the
bottom line is we must find an
empowering focus out of any situation
the second decision that shapes our life
and the meaning of our lives are the
decisions that we make about what
something means meaning as ultimately
something we determine that’s the
exciting part about it and that’s the
scary part about it the third decision
of course is what are you going to do
when something happens see so much of
the fear that we see in life comes from
the fact that most of us don’t feel like
we’re in control we’re running around
trying to control all the events of our
lives and every single one of us is
going to experience multiple situations
in our life that no matter how skillful
we are what we cannot control the event
well it’s just not something that we can
control because we didn’t initiate it
anytime you’re dealing with other people
this is gonna happen anytime you’re
dealing with mother nature this is gonna
happen
most of us in life are so afraid
something’s gonna happen that we can’t
control therefore we’re gonna get pain
that we try to avoid those things we
can’t control we’re trying to shape our
lives where we spend our time who we
spend our time with what we do by
environments that we feel really
comfortable in when we feel like we’re
really controlling them but what that
does is it limits the shape and quality
of our lives we’ve got to do want to put
ourselves out there to discover what
we’re really capable of or put in
environments when we don’t know what to
do we don’t know what things mean we’re
not sure it’s in those environments that
grow the most it’s in those environments
that we discover more of our true
purpose as human beings it’s there that
our character is shaped you know so many
times we set goals or we have dreams or
we have plans and we work our tail off
and it doesn’t come out the way we want
a lot of people come out of those
situations disillusioned or angry or
resentful or frustrated they look for
someone to blame but you know sometimes
I really truly believe that not getting
your goal as part of the design part of
the game plan causing you to dig inside
and discover more of yourself to really
begin to use your real capacity as human
being those traits that are within you
that only expand when they’re challenged
when demands are made upon them
you know I truly believe that God is not
so much interested in our convenience
as he isn’t our character you know and I
also believe that because something
hasn’t happened right away when you
wanted it and designed it didn’t work
out doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen
it’s really a test of how committed are
you it’s really a test designed to make
you become more gods delays are not
God’s denials unless you give up of
course if you don’t do your part then of
course whatever you’ve envisioned will
never come to be but we have to be
willing to continue to put ourselves
forth and know that events will show up
that we can’t control so let me ask you
a question you go okay I understand all
this Tony but how do you ever have a
sense of certainty in a world that’s
changing all the time well you set goals
you do all the right things and still
doesn’t always turn out right how do you
live in a world where suddenly something
can happen it can take away your whole
business or you know storm could come
and take away your home or or some
calamity could happen to your personal
family or a disease could hit or or
someone could die how do you deal with
all that and the answer is you have to
know the one thing you can control is
not events where you control is what
things mean to you and therein comes the
secret to life because no matter what
happens in your life the meaning of what
has happened is yours
you get to determine it as long as
you’re conscious and you don’t allow the
people around you to teach you what to
think and as long as you don’t just go
on
pilot and allow your nervous system to
make up connections that are false let
me give an example of what happens to
people certainly by now you realize that
what you do is human being is primarily
driven by your need to avoid pain your
desire for pleasure right but see all of
us have learned through life certain
things mean more pain than others and so
some people are driven by their fear
right to experience the emotion of fear
is the most incredible painful thing
they could ever imagine so they’ll do
anything to avoid being in a fearful
situation other people are driven by
their desire to feel the sense of
adventure
obviously they make decisions
differently they focus on different
things in life they can walk in the same
room as someone who lives in fear and
they’re gonna notice different things
they’re gonna want to sit in a different
place they’re gonna want to try a
different kind of vacation than someone
who’s trying to focus on how to be
secure what drives you are you driven by
guilt are you driven by your past when
we would use the word driven the word
drive it really means to guide to
control or to direct something so what’s
guiding you what’s controlling you
what’s directing your behavior what’s
directing your focus what’s directing
the meaning you’re pulling from your
life what is it is it your parents is it
the competition you have with somebody
else is it wanted to prove somebody
wrong is it your desire to contribute is
it your desire for joy or happiness or
is it a sense of purpose that’s driving
you a sense there’s something out there
for you to do something you’re designed
to evolve into to become to share to
give to create you don’t even know what
it is but you’re willing to trust that
each day more that’s gonna come out see
whatever drives you that’s what’s
shaping your life and the challenges
that most of us never consciously decide
what we’re gonna have drive our life see
we’re not stimulus-response animals but
we can beast their musics response to
animals
our nervous systems are designed to help
us they’re designed to be a source of
decision-making they’re designed to help
us very quickly when you have an
experienced figure out what is the
source of that pain so we can avoid it
in the future what is that source of
that pleasure so we can have more of it
in the future
but when we don’t think things through
when we don’t think things through in an
empowering way we don’t have faith that
there’s a higher meaning we tend to
settle like animals for the lowest
meaning that we can find well this is
happening because I’m a bad person this
is happening because there’s something
wrong with me this is happening because
I’m just destined to fail or worse very
often in life we don’t even consciously
think things through our nervous system
just makes quick decisions hey every
moment you’re alive whatever you have a
significant amount of pain your brain
says hey what is the source of this pain
and it uses three criteria I’m sure you
remember to determine what the source of
your pain is it looks for something that
is happening about the same time you’re
having the pain that is unique because
after all you weren’t feeling pain a
moment ago you got pain now what’s
unique about this situation it looks for
something that is recent something’s
happening about the same time you have
the pain and it also looks for something
that is consistent something that
whenever you have had pain in the past
this has also been a factor in that
situation let me tell you how these
three criteria can help you you go out
one day when you’re a child and you
touch a hot stove you feel some pain you
pull it back your brain says okay what
was unique to that moment that gave me
the pain he looks around us inside this
burner right and says what was happening
about the same time I felt the pain I
was touching this burner and what’s
consistent about it well maybe nothing
until you do it again after doing it two
or three times or maybe one time does it
hurt enough maybe one time is consistent
it’s like when somebody says to you
always do that you know I don’t always
do that yes you do you always do it
I’ve done it one time yeah but well
that’s always what human beings can make
one time consistent if it’s painful
enough so the bottom line is what do you
learn you’re nervous doesn’t learns you
don’t
we’re out burners right you just don’t
do that and some of the future when
you’re trying to make a decision about
what to focus on what things mean and
what to do and you’re going buy a burner
one of the options is not to go grab
that baby just for fun so as basic as
this lesson is we feel to realize that
this simple system that assists us so
much and making decisions because it
helps us discover what is the source of
our pain or our pleasure so we can avoid
the pain gain the pleasure in the future
this simple system can be misguided or
misinterpret information see here’s how
it works so give me an example is doing
a date with destiny only a couple
weekends ago um several people are
having major challenges in their life
and one lady just couldn’t get herself
to really have any meaning in her life
and as I kept digging digging digging
the real problem that she had is he felt
lonely because she felt disconnected
because she wanted to have someone she
could share her life with but she
couldn’t get herself to do that why
would you guess someone couldn’t get
themself to be able to share their life
not hard to figure out is it pain person
obviously as I guessed had a painful
relationship in the past which she had
it was so painful that she linked up in
her head that marriage she had a
previous one that was painful equals
death we’re gonna kind of keep you away
from getting into closer relationship
right and how did her brain do that well
she said she was in this relationship
but was so great but after they got
married this man became physically
abusive verbally abusive he basically
did everything he could to control every
aspect of her life and the worst thing
of all was he finally got up developed
the courage to divorce this man he
threatened dolly her life but he also
threatened their own son’s life
and when that happens she got linked up
marriage equals death to not only need a
potential loss of the life of my child
that’s even more than the loss of her
own life for her well it’s not too hard
to figure out that if your brain says
why am I feeling his ultimate pain it
looks for something unique and says well
cuz I’m married and then it looks around
and says what was happening about the
same time I felt the pain marriage and
you say what was consistent during the
pain you go marriage pretty soon you can
avoid marriage but it doesn’t stop there
her brain also linked up that the cause
of her pain was something else two men
was after all what was unique I had this
man around I was married to a man right
and then secondly what else was going on
well about the same time I was feeling
the pain I was with this man and sure
enough what was recent this man right on
time I’d the pain he was there every
time so sure enough all sudden she’s
avoiding all men but didn’t stop there
she also linked up that the reason she
felt this pain was because she trusted
so as a result her brain linked up
unconsciously if you trust then you will
die now I would say to you the opposite
is true if you don’t trust if you don’t
have faith then you instantly die
internally you may not die physically
but you die emotionally because anything
that’s worth living in life requires
faith
it requires trusting it requires knowing
that you can get out of the chair and
walk on this floor and when you step out
on the floor you don’t stop and have to
analyze can I do this and you don’t
weigh everything and think about your
weight and the structure of the floor
what’s underneath that you just trust
otherwise you’d be immobilized you have
to trust the drive a car you have to
have faith to enter a relationship death
faith to start a business you have to
face when all of a sudden somebody this
company says these 35,000 people are
gone into faith that if you’re one of
those 35,000 that there is a better plan
for you and that you will now act on
that faith and take action and find that
better plan that better solution for
your life you must have that
you lose trust you lose meaning when you
lose meaning you lose your life again
maybe not physically but certainly
emotionally and when you lose it
emotionally the physical loss of life
often is not that far behind medical
researchers are now proving the
mind-body connection is not some psycho
babble but a physical reality that the
way we think in the way we feel about
our lives affects us physically in fact
dr. Chopra recently shared with me that
there is a new study that was done in
the state of Massachusetts where they
began to study what causes someone to
die of their first heart attack before
the age of 50 were they never get
another chance I was what was the number
one risk factor they wanted to know and
they assumed that what would cause
someone to die from just their very
first heart attack never another chance
would be a person just had so much
cholesterol in their body the body
wasn’t able to recover they found out
that was not the number one risk factor
and they thought well maybe that
diabetes maybe it was more of a genetic
factor they had once again disproved
that theory with the Department of
Health Education and Welfare for the
state of Massachusetts states in their
article clearly is the most important
risk factor determine that you will die
of your first heart attack and not get a
second chance is what they call job
dissatisfaction you’ve got to have a
deeper meaning for your life than oh I’m
on that grindstone again or I’m on that
treadmill the wonder of those people
life’s turn to alcohol or drugs or
television and even then they can’t find
something entertaining themselves even
then they don’t sense any fulfillment
because distraction does not create a
life of significance distraction does
not create joy distraction will not give
you what you’re seeking drugs will not
change your life for the better right
what they’ll do is hurt you they’ll
create pain and there are all kinds of
drugs anything that doesn’t expand you
as a human being or allow you to share
more love and joy with others in a
natural way that enhances your
physiology and your mind your emotions
and your spirit is something you
probably don’t need
you gotta grow you gotta expand you got
to contribute you’ve got to know that
you’re here for a purpose there are no
mistakes there is a meaning even if you
haven’t found it yet you must discover
it and you know what for most people
they don’t discovered the meaning of
their life until their life is over what
a sad place to be or until they have a
life-threatening illness
we’re until somebody very close to them
that they love is about to leave them
you don’t have to wait for the pain to
discover the meaning oh I know what I
found the purpose of my life you decide
what it is you discover it and you
decide this is it maybe later on I’ll
define it I probably will but for right
now this is why I’m playing the game of
life this is what it’s about every day
if I’m just being this way if I’m just
doing these kinds of simple things with
other people with myself then I know I’m
on track I know there’s a reason for my
existence we all have that and I know
you know a story of Viktor Frankl right
the manner up man’s search for meaning
here’s a man who’s in a Nazi
concentration camp with pain everywhere
around him knowing any moment he could
be gassed or may be spared and if he
asperity to have the unique privilege of
going out and taking the dead bodies out
of those gas chambers putting them in
the big ovens talk about intense and yet
somehow in the midst of that pain he
found a deeper meaning the meaning was
that even though he was in pain in the
moment somehow someday he would survive
this and he would come to share the
story so that this would never happen to
other people in the future he couldn’t
find a meaning in the moment he found a
meaning in the future and for most of us
the meaning that we want for our lives
is here today and it’s preparing us for
an even greater meaning in the future if
we’ll just use all of our life’s
experience
pain and the pleasure to become more to
prepare ourselves for whatever it is
that our Creator has brought us here for
to prepare ourselves so that at the
moment of truth where we are needed we
will deliver my real belief is we’re
going to be delivering all along the way
it isn’t something that someday you’re
gonna do it’s something new every day
are doing you know my former spouse
Becky just recently lost her father and
it’s been a tough time for her because
in a very short period of time here
she’s lost both her mom and her dad and
that’s an event you cannot control and
God knows we tried you know three years
ago when they told us that father had
cancer they told us that he would die
within a period of anywhere from three
to six months and we just did not allow
them to tell him that for the obvious
reasons you know how odd I believe from
all the people we’ve learned from from
everyone from dr. Bernie Siegel to
Norman Cousins to dr. Deepak Chopra we
understand the mind-body connection if
someone decides that because they have
some dis-ease in their body what it
means is they’re gonna die then of
course they will unfortunately he never
found out that diagnosis and what we did
is we kept making sure he had a
compelling future he had a sense of
meaning a variety of things that he was
needed for and it was amazing how he
physically responded only had trips
scheduled for him to go to Fiji on which
he went on and talked about how we
needed his help with our resort there
and helping some of the genes in the
garden because the garden for him
created so much meaning in his life was
about supporting about nurturing about
helping life along a little bit and so
he that he was excited about things we
wanted to do with his grandkids and we
kept giving him compelling futures and
sure enough three months went by he was
healthy six months went by he was
healthy a year went by and through a
variety of interventions pretty soon he
seemed to be better and tells just
recently when we started getting phone
calls from his neighbors he lived up in
a place called Ram Colorado
a little town with 14 people in it and
he’s been a major part of for years and
years and they started calls to tell us
that they didn’t think he could take
care of himself anymore so we flew out
and brought him back here the first few
days he was in phenomenal shape it was
like he was completely restored being
around the grandkids and then being in
the environment he was all excited to
share about things that have happened in
his little town of RAM that he helped to
create there about all about the calves
that he helped to deliver and about the
planting season and how they helped
people through the winter and some of
the stories they’d been telling and he
was just totally alive and we took him
to doctors for a series of tests they
said they wanted to keep him overnight
the next day we called and I spoke to
his main doctor and he said it looks
like he just has a foreign meningitis so
he said that’ll be really easily
treatable and he should be okay and he
said does so don’t worry
he said we’re just gonna do a series
more tests because he’s a bit dehydrated
he lives in an altitude of about 11,500
feet and he’s not drinking enough water
and he said so you know we’re gonna run
a couple more tests he said next day he
said but I think he’ll be fine he said I
have to go out of town he said my you
know partner doctor will be working with
him so said I’ve passed on all the
information you can check in with him
tomorrow
well the next day Becky went to go see
her dad and I was out doing a seminar
and I got a phone call on the phone call
was that they done additional tests and
that they found out that the cancer had
spread throughout his spine and into his
brain and while it wasn’t treatable
before when they told us three years ago
it’s certainly not treatable now
and they thought he would die within
weeks the worst part was though they
also told this to him before they told
the Becky so he had no one there to
support him through the process or to
give him other options when I found this
out of it came so angry with the doctors
cuz I focused on how he’d violated what
we asked him to do and how the other
doctor should have told his partner
doctor not to tell him yet to allow us
to talk to him to prepare him for the
situation that was so harsh it was so
unfair and and the meaning of it was
that it was gonna really harm him that
it all said he would give up hope and
what I wanted to do was lash out and
fortunately I didn’t lash out instead I
started focused on what’s happening to
see so what can I do so I went to go see
him and talk to him and it was
unbelievable he looked like he just aged
ten years in a day because what happened
is he had no future there was no purpose
in fighting the pain or trying to make
things happen or you know trying to tell
stories or do anything because after all
you’re gonna die anyway soon and that
was kind of the way he was interpreting
it
sure enough no matter what we said he
just didn’t seem to respond he’s just
seemed to go into a total stupor and for
the next day and a half or so he just
sat in the corner he really didn’t say
very much or communicate very much you
just said not to bother with him that he
was fine didn’t open up emotionally I
just sat down with him tonight I cried
and I told him how much I loved him and
when Becky loved him and how he needed
to share with us what he was really
feeling because holding that back wasn’t
keep protecting us from pain was just
felt separate from him then we met that
he could choose how what this was gonna
mean for his life that he the doctors
had told us three years ago that he was
gonna die when the matter of months then
hearing was three years later I said
what if you would have just sat around
for three years in this little corner
doing nothing because you thought you’re
gonna die any day or any week and should
that be pretty crazy on he started
laughs I said look at this I said you
can’t just sit off in this corner hey
you might die tomorrow you might die in
six weeks you might die in six months in
my die in six years you might die in ten
or twenty years and really screw these
people’s brains up I said it doesn’t
matter
how long you’re gonna live what’s gonna
matters how are you gonna live while
you’re here I said you’ve lived an
incredible life that he in World War two
you were a pilot you know you’re a
businessman now you’re this guy who’s
touching this little town up in Colorado
everybody knows you and cares about you
loves you because you love them I said
you braise these incredible kids I said
you know if you’re gonna go go out and
style go out because you decided to go
out in an energy that you want to where
you really enjoy your life don’t just
shut down because somebody told you
life’s over cuz you buy into it don’t do
it and he said well you know Tony said
the truth is I’m not afraid to die he
said everything he said is truly said
you know my life has been so rich he
says I feel like you know I’ve lived my
purpose now you know I look around and I
see my kids and I see what they’re like
is people and I see what I’ve done and
and I think maybe it’s time for me to go
now
I said listen if you’re deciding to do
that because you really want to go as it
then you know I love you I mean so you
know I I’m gonna cry and I’m like I’ll
try and keep you here and not just
because we love you I said but at the
same time don’t leave cuz somebody tells
you it’s time to go he said well I said
well when it’s time to go you’ll know I
said you can go consciously you can
decide when it’s time you don’t have to
wait till the pain is so intense you
can’t stand it but the same time don’t
go any quicker then your meaning is done
I think right now you’re teaching your
family a whole lot of new lessons
he said yeah that’s probably true I said
so what do you want to do how do you
want to do things I said let’s get your
Fanny out of here let’s get about we
have this great conversation and talk of
all kinds of things that will bore you
the details but I’ll let him know that
you never have to worry about his
daughter and she’d become the kind of
person he could always be proud of it
was amazing because the next three four
or five days he came to life all of a
sudden there was a purpose and things
again all the sudden he was alive he’d
go out by the pool and tell stories and
so forth and he went over to the Polo
Grounds and did all kinds of just really
great things and then I went away for a
seminar and I came back two days later
and it was like he was gone he could
barely even talk he’s having a difficult
time holding himself up you have
round-the-clock care for him pretty soon
he wasn’t able to carry on a
conversation he would start talking
gibberish and start seeing things that
were invisible and point to them we did
how the end was coming and as the end
star to come there was more and more
pain tears
and we felt it all and also at the same
time reminded ourselves hey we’re making
this thing but it’s lost because if our
short-term thinking about this man in
his body and his presence but his life
will live on beyond his physical
presence here and for him what it
probably means his freedom finally be
free of the painful bodies been in for
so many years for him it’s a chance to
be with his wife Becky’s mom she has to
be whether the loved ones
there was another meeting that could
give you joy at the same time you’re
feeling pain and so we try to focus on
those and one night I got home and all
of a sudden I was called by the nurse
Becky’s dad just passed away
and share with back we cried my talk to
the same time she felt that Gladwell
says peace for him
it’s amazing how instantly how we felt
could change just by changing what we
focused on more lost his game
– the feeling of joy for him to be free
we couldn’t control the event but we
could certainly
minds that thinking beyond ourselves to
something deeper to a deeper meaning in
life
I got back yesterday from gonna back you
up to this little town and ran Colorado
well done I’d never been to before bet
you’ve been there many times I got a
chance to see where Cecil lived and the
impact he had you didn’t really want a
funeral he never liked people quote put
on airs for anything he was a simple man
simple values a simple mission when I
got there I looked around and he never
explicitly said what the mission of his
life was a purpose of his life but in a
town of 14 people on we went out to this
gravesite to put his body into the
ground and suddenly person after person
started showing up we knew all 14 people
be there because we nearly touched them
all they all loved him he was the
storyteller it’s the man that took an
old car years ago and painted it black
and white but a star on the side but a
dump in the inside glasses made it look
like a police car so the people came
running through this little town which
consists about seven or eight buildings
that they might slow down his house was
called the rand Yacht Club because he
invited everybody out for coffee every
single morning at least 300 days a year
figured I could tell him a story and
cheer him up he’s surrounded a
restaurant they were called the liars
lair the reason was because he had
people he’d tell people stories and you
tell the wildest tales and get people to
believe them sure enough after about 10
or 15 years began to realize that some
of these things were stories and they
all laughed as they told me stories
about this incredible man who touched
their lives when we got to the gravesite
not only did 14 people show up but this
town it’s four hours outside of Denver
people came from all over people came
from my Oh me people came from Denver
pretty soon there were a hundred people
at a gray site where there’s not
supposed to be a service
to honor a man who touched their lives
so we said you know you don’t have any
formal service because that’s not what
he wanted but before we put his body in
the ground as I like to say anything we
all talked about how he touched them
their life was greater because he was
such a loving soul and his smile a Tesla
that his stories attached
that just his manner that he was lover
of people and animals
because he’d been in this pound their
lives would never be the same people who
come through the town just for a day
just his little kindness he was a man
who said if you can’t say something nice
about somebody don’t say anything at all
he never said a negative word about
anybody in fact one man probably the
most telling tale of this man’s life
he said cecil’s the kind of guys to the
sat down one day with him I said what
are you doing about all those rodents
that keep stealing all our animals are
you poison in the Murray shooting at me
trapping him are you killing what are
you doing because they’re taking all my
stuff and Cecil said no he said I just
plant twice as much I thought what a
life what a man his life was his mission
his mission was real simple love people
love animals love beings make the world
a little bit better by just being nice
he lived a life of significance one that
had mean
you didn’t go out and change everything
on earth you didn’t make a billion
dollars
he doesn’t have people writing him up
everywhere but he changed people’s lives
and he died in his sleep out of pain the
day he decided to go and he created in
his family a greater sense of courage to
look at life in a new way and a greater
sense of dedication to give him more he
added to our drive he had at our
commitment to be givers in life as he
was – any soul who had the privilege of
cross his path
[Music]
I hope it also makes you think about
what’s most important in your life I
remember an interview with Michael
Landon in Life magazine when he knew he
was gonna go he said quote somebody
should tell us right at the start of our
lives that were dying and we might live
life to the limit every minute of every
day do what I say whatever you want to
do do it now there are only so many
tomorrow’s if you and I are gonna live
our lives fully and then maybe sometimes
we can take the experiences of those
around us
and learn from them we can learn that
when all of our lives worry the warnings
or examples ceaseless life was an
incredible example he didn’t think
anything in life was insignificant not a
rodent not a flower and not an animal
not a stranger passing through
he live by a philosophy but they also
live in Fiji by the way Fiji was his
favorite place the last things he told
me was that happiest time his life last
few years with the trips he took to Fiji
mangas cuz he felt like there everybody
understood what he understood the life
is meant to be a happy to be a joy to
appreciate the little things as well as
the big things appreciate one another to
be givers to be lovers of life I say to
you that if you’re driven by anything
other than your love then your spirit
and your desire to contribute your
desire to grow and expand if you’re
driven by their need to please others if
you’re driven by your fear if you’re
driven by your past maybe it’s time to
free yourself and the way to do it is
decide decide consciously what you want
your life to be about decide consciously
what’s the purpose your life something
simple something you can live every
single day
you know I think that they look at
people’s lives and I see the people who
are having so much difficulty I think
the number one reason why people fail to
experience joy and life experience life
as a win it’s not because their life
isn’t the wind because the wind can be
just reaching out and touching somebody
around you the wind can be just telling
somebody you love them the wind could be
taking care of your body God’s temple
the wind could be stopping and feeling
grateful the wind could be anywhere you
don’t have to land on the moon to have
the win and you can enjoy landing on the
moon too how much better to enjoy the
process because we’re gonna spend most
of our life in process towards the
achievement of goals I’m not saying
don’t go do things and I’m not saying
don’t have grand schemes and dreams and
not saying don’t do those cuz our lives
are better because people dreamed huge
dreams and they’ve made them happen but
I’m saying don’t do it the expense of
not appreciating what’s true along the
way and the Cecil’s are – is obvious all
those little things that are so so
important and we’ve always believed it
important I feel like we’ve always lived
that they’re important but I just want
to redouble the effort part of my
commitment to him and I sell and he has
honor I challenge you to do the same I
challenge you to hold yourself to a
higher standard I challenge you to
realize that you’re here for a purpose
there’s something for you to do and be
here for yourself and for others you
can’t just do for others not do for
yourself or you won’t be here so this is
really designed to get you to ask
yourself are you being efficient are you
being effective in your life there’s a
big difference if you’re being efficient
then what you’re doing is you’re doing
things right but if you’re being
effective you’re doing the right things
are you doing the things that are gonna
give you the most joy in your life why
are you doing what you’re doing
and where is it taking you you know we
all need to have what I call a code of
conduct a set of standards we hold
ourselves to every day about how we’re
gonna be is people the kinds of states
we’re gonna live in cuz it’s out of
those states that we affect everyone
around this just stop and think about
what’s most important think about why
you’re here what’s the purpose
your life step out of the moment and
into eternity think about what’s eternal
when you’re feeling insecure start to
realize there is something inside of you
that is never-ending if there’s
something inside of you that is
unchangeable and that’s the part of you
that knows what is right what to do and
why you’re here so you know that may
sound metaphysical and may sound
religious or spiritual call it whatever
you want but know that the bottom line
is that you are here for a reason
and that it’s a special reason that only
you know and it may be that you haven’t
found it because you’re looking for
something huge and it may be that you’re
living it right now you’re just not
appreciating your purpose maybe what
you’re doing right now
is your life purpose this thing that you
detest most or maybe what it is doing is
giving you the challenge to really
discover something within yourself
that’ll allow you to give and be more
because life is about two things being
and doing how are you gonna be as a
human being I mean ultimately our
destiny is who do we become as people
and what do you do what do you
contribute that’s what it’s about that’s
what gives us a sense of fulfillment and
a life of significance it’s one of
growth and contribution it’s one you
decide what your life’s about simply are
you what are you here for you here to
live to learn to grow here to love what
are you here for I’m asking these
questions I’m hoping you’re thinking not
just listening to me
what is the special plan for you you’ve
got to discover the purpose of your life
there is a plan there’s something here
for you that’s different than anybody
else in the world and you’ve got to
discover what it is and the best way to
discover is just trust your instinct and
say what is it that was simple was clear
and I was living your day why am I here
because if you never discover your
purpose how can you ever win the game of
life how can you really enjoy it the
early
I look around at people so often they’re
so unhappy and I think the reason is
that they don’t ever win in the game of
life it’s a game they feel like they
can’t win like they’re always losing and
the reason number one is I think there’s
seven reasons I’ll give you seven I’ve
jotted some down you know I think number
one is I think most people never win the
game of life they never feel fulfilled I
never feel joy because they don’t know
the purpose of the game if you don’t
know the purpose of the game what’s your
chances I’ve ever women I’ve ever gotten
ring the bell feel that sense of
fulfillment or joy or passion or love or
whatever it is that you truly want at
the deepest level see if you can tell
the purpose the game you don’t know the
goal is pretty hard to set up your game
to win isn’t it pretty soon you start
pursuing things that don’t give you
fulfillment living somebody else’s wife
other than your own you gotta know what
are you doing it all for what do you
really want but ask most people this
question what do you want they give me
answers like well I know what I don’t
want I don’t want to live this way
anymore I don’t want to feel like Alan
emu whore that’s not gonna give you what
you want what do you really know I want
to finally be financially secure so I
can retire great
you know statistics about retirement
actuary is statistics from insurance
companies show the three years after a
man retires specifically on using men
guess what happens he dies to retire is
to die and for some people this is like
their major aim think about it her time
is gonna make you happy
you gotta have a purpose you gotta know
what it is you’ve got to decide what it
is at least for now know that that
vision will continue to expand second
reason why most people fail the game
called life cuz even though they don’t
know the purpose of the game that got
tons of rules about how it must be
played they don’t even know the goal
they got all these rules they gotta live
by and only do they have rules for
themselves but they have rules for
everybody else around them rules for how
their spouse should be rules about how
their boss should be rules from people
they don’t even know on the street
should be you know it’s so often or
likely get upset with other people and
it’s not about the other people it’s
about our rules they’re doing something
we know they shouldn’t be doing or
they’re not doing something we know they
should be doing right we need to just
relax a little bit you need to realize
that whatever people are doing they got
a reason may not be a very
intelligent reason by our perspective
but who are we to say and you know what
and maybe it isn’t an intelligent reason
by lots of people’s ideas but you know
what is a reason I mean it all comes
down how we wire ourselves as human
beings see whenever you see somebody you
think they’re doing something crazy have
some compassion
are there any stupid things you’ve never
done in your lifetime or crazy
I would hallucinate based on my own
personal experience answer maybe you
betcha from the bottom line is we got to
understand that things are going on that
we don’t understand with people you know
one time I was talking to Stephen Covey
about times when we misinterpreted
people’s behavior and he told me about
this time he got on the subway and this
man walked in and brought on a bunch of
his kids and they were just running
rampant screaming yelling making noise
creating havoc
you know Stephens more of a mellow
centered kind of guy he doesn’t like the
kind of environment even on the subway
and the bottom line is you know he
didn’t want to say anybody found stuff
getting more and more irritating the man
scene he’d be just ignoring the kids
like man didn’t even matter what they
were doing so he found himself on the
point where he actually spoke up so
Stephen turned him and said you know do
you think you might want to do something
about these children and the man looked
at him and said oh yeah I guess I said
huh he said we just got back to the
hospital or their mother just died he
said I just don’t think they know how to
deal with it
quite honestly neither do I
like absolute garbage and he said it
made him from then on and realize
whatever’s going on there may be
something else going on as well I mean a
half compassion gave him fewer rules for
other people in his life not a bad idea
but we were talking about people that
don’t succeed in life oh I hope they
succeed one they don’t know the purpose
of the game too they got tons of rules
even though none of the purpose how’d
you like to be in a game and you’re
trying to win hey you don’t know the
goal and you got a zillion rules you
gotta live by it’ll be pretty
frustrating wouldn’t it well ads step
three do it here’s the third reason
people fail to win the game of life and
that is because their rules are in
conflict we’ve got all these different
special rules where we contradict
ourselves we’re in one situation you’re
supposed to be one way and another
situation is supposed to be totally
different in order to be effective team
if you got a bunch of rules in conflict
which most of us do you’re gonna have
pain you’re gonna have frustrations in
your life here’s the fourth reason why
most people want one the game of life
because even when the person plays by
the rules they don’t always win Lord you
do everything right you don’t always get
rewarded you give your all you put your
heart and soul them on you do everything
right and still sometimes it rains on
your parade sometimes you know a storm
comes down and beat the death out of
your crop all the sudden you’re in the
Midwest and the flood comes and destroys
all you’ve worked on you know that kind
of messes your brain a little bit you
start saying hey you know why even try
there’s no meaning this everything I do
is for naught that’s worthless not
realizing there’s a deeper meaning
there’s a meaning beyond the moment that
what’s happening in this life right now
this event you can’t control whether
it’s the loss of a father as Becky has
gone through and a father in law’s I
have or there’s loss of a business or
anything that seems to be a loss is a
gain if you ask yourself how can I use
this what else can this mean if I can’t
use it today how will I use this someday
how can I turn this into opportunity how
can I make myself more how can I use
this pain to sculpt my soul
what can I do right now to move myself
forward these are the kinds of questions
or support you instead of blows me why
me why this have to happen you’ll never
get an answer to those those questions
are leave you in an endless loop here’s
the fifth reason why most people fail in
the game called life sometimes you break
the rules and you win oh my gosh you do
something you know is it right you do
something you know you shouldn’t do
something that’s against your own values
against your own way of doing things and
you get pleasure and your brain goes hey
maybe there’s some new rules out here
maybe I don’t have to live by these
rules after all when I work my butt off
and did everything right and help myself
the size standard I got pain I break the
rule I got pleasure maybe this that’s
really wire maybe out of this like take
a look at life being this way you know
it does it takes you away from your
higher purpose it takes you away from
what’s most important in your life and
while you might get pleasure in the
short term you give up that sense of
dignity within yourself that says you’re
doing the right thing
that’s what causes more people to fail
with and I think almost anything else
cuz the ultimate pleasure in life
requires sometimes short-term pain to
get to it and that ultimate pleasures
will you become what you contribute and
the experience of life that you have
because of that growth and contribution
the sixth reason when most people fail
the game called life it’s because in
order to win this game you got to work
with five and a half billion other
people all have the wrong rules they
don’t know the purpose of the game
either and they aren’t real clear that
there are certain rules you must live by
we all have different rules because
we’ve all learned different ways of
getting out of pain and into pleasure in
life we got to learn from one another
and finally the seventh reason why most
people fail the game called life because
they think it’s a life and death game
and you said well it is a life and death
game well I’m the first person to agree
that this is not a practice session this
is the real thing that’s all I’m gonna
live in full-on but if you think
everything is life and death every
moment you put so much pressure on
yourself that you truly will not live
life you’ll live in fear and that’s no
life at all how do you live life and win
the game well in spite of all this stuff
that sounds so terrible there are people
that seem to be winning seem to be
fulfilled seem to be making difference
seem to have a great deal of joy
their life and they seem to have it
consistently and they’re not doing it
through drugs or alcohol or distraction
they’re doing it through living a life
of significance how they’ve done it they
do what we do in our date with destiny
seminar we accomplish seven things in
that seminar and I bring it up because I
hope you’ll take the time and actually
come we’ll get your purpose and your
mission statement and your values all in
the exact order you ideally need them to
be so you’re being told rich and you
want studying pull in multiple
directions but for right now here’s what
we do this is what we’re gonna start
doing on this tape it’s the first thing
these people have who succeed or
fulfilled as they’ve decided what the
purpose of the game is at least for
right now you follow me on this they
said okay I don’t know what the purpose
is ultimately but let me just decide for
right now the purpose of my life as to
what it’s the love and be loved us to
grow it’s to expand us to make a
difference do this is do that they come
up with a purpose which is what I want
you to do at the end this tape the start
I know it’s not the end all and be all
from one tape but I want to get you
started on a mission statement a purpose
statement for your life you got to have
it if you don’t at least have a target
if you don’t know what the goal of the
game is you don’t know what to decide to
do we have all these choices all these
opportunities so you have to choose
between something that’s good and bad
you have to choose between something
that’s good and something that’s great
but if you don’t know what your purpose
is you don’t know you value most of life
you can’t make an easy decision all
decision making is value clarification
if you don’t know where you’re going
then you can get there by any road
you’re not gonna know the difference and
everything looks like great opportunity
one of the biggest challenges in life is
choosing focusing your life deciding
what to spend your time on what to spend
your energy on having a clear purpose
that allows you to do that the second
thing you want to do to make your life
work and those who succeed do this is
they have fewer rules
the more rules you have about how people
have to be in how I’ve has to be for you
to be happy the less happy you’re gonna
be see you know the happiest people
those people say you know every day
above ground is a great day
Happy’s people that people find joy in a
smile joy an adventure joy in a simple
action if you find joy in that area then
all the big things are just a big bonus
for you in your life so when you find
yourself starting to react to something
that someone else has done then you
might want to ask yourself how
significant is this really right is this
so bad is it okay for this person to
have a different opinion a different
view of different feeling than me in
this area and in most cases you might
say yeah it is what would you have to
believe in order to be upset that
everybody has to live by your rules well
maybe in some areas that’s real
important you maybe some of theirs it’s
not a significant you just let go of it
have a lot less pain the third thing
that people win the game of life seem to
have in common is they’ve made their
rules consistent they found the
conflicts in their life when they find
them they’ve been honest themself and
say this is a total contradiction of
what I normally believe in other areas
no more there’s not I’m gonna live my
life for thing these people do that make
them succeed is they give themself
pleasure whenever they win even when the
world doesn’t this is really important
you gotta realize that sometimes you’ll
do everything right you won’t get
acknowledged so what acknowledge
yourself you got to catch yourself doing
little things right and give yourself
the pleasure you deserve after all if
somebody else tells you hey great job
and that makes you feel good it’s
nothing saying great job that makes you
feel good that’s when they say great job
you stop and say oh that means I get to
feel good and you send a little
neurotransmitter lawlz yourself to feel
the pleasure feeling in your body why
not just give it to yourself so that you
keep yourself on track so you’re always
reinforcing good behaviors excellent
behaviors commitments to your highest
values
fifth thing these people have in common
is when they screw up when they don’t do
things right when they violate their own
values they violate their own sense of
purpose in life they give himself a
short burst of pain they say this is not
who I am I stand for more they don’t
wait to the world I have to give them
pain that’s why they’re on track the
sixth thing that these people that win
have in common is that they know that
everybody life has different rules and
so when they get in a relationship with
people they know they’ve got to have
other people in my life to help succeed
in particular area they try to find out
their rules because if you know it’s
most important to people you know what
their rules for life are what their
musts are in life it’s a lot easier and
lastly people who succeed a life they’ve
learned that life has a purpose but they
also at the same time don’t take life
too seriously
they don’t take themselves too seriously
what’s that old funny metaphor why do
angels fly because they take themselves
lately first the bottom line is we’ve
got to look at life in a different way
now with all this conversation we’ve had
here about purpose what are you and I
gonna do right now so that you have a
greater sense of meaning but one is I
don’t need you just go out and create
this grandiose purpose and write pages
and pages and pages I think that the
simplest things can be the most powerful
things so if you can now close your eyes
and think about what you want to be when
you’re gonna grow up go back to a time
when you’re 5 6 7 8 9 10 years old but
you want to be back then what you want
to do who are your role models and why
did you want to be that
think about it just for a second your
head as I’m saying this it might be want
to write a few these things down in fact
pretty soon you’re definitely gonna want
to write things down so that’d be good
to stop the tape right here and just
think about what your purpose is and
pull out a piece of paper and a pen or a
little computer and let’s work together
on this per second what were some of the
things you wanted to be when you were
growing up when you’re a little kid I
remember one of the first things I
wanted to be was an archaeologist now
whatever you wanted to be here’s the
question I want to ask you why did you
want to be that in other words what was
the feeling you were hoping to get from
that what were the sensations what were
you wanting to be and do what we wanted
to get from that when I think back on I
think about what I really want to be as
an archaeologist is I wanted to discover
things and that was the biggest thing I
want to discover things that had not
been asked ever before something new
something unique something different and
I wanted to share that with people I
don’t want to be a person who we’re not
discovered and then shared that
discovery with others they know it’s
interesting I’m doing that today
I’m just not sticking my head in the
sand and doing it I’m doing it by
sticking my head in other people’s
brains and find out what makes them tick
and what find out what makes me tick and
then sharing some of that but that that
feeling that same feeling but I wanted
then I found a way to do it today in a
new way the side challenges think about
what was it you really wanted from that
then think of something else you wanted
to be when you’re growing up I wanted to
also be a police artist later on
remember that you know those guys that
draw those pictures you know and show
people and catch the bad guys and why
did I want to do that what I want to get
from them oh gosh
I said why LA I wanted to create I
wanted to be creative and and I wanted
to help people I wanted to help people
do the right things I want to be father
payment one of they catch bad guys but
most importantly I wanted to create and
help people well guess what I found a
way to do that today different than I
originally thought but the same purpose
is there now maybe it’s not the same
purpose for you for all the things you
want to do maybe they have a common
thread or maybe they’re different
threads that are rapport
what else did you want to be when you’re
going up and why did you want it what
feelings did you hope it would give you
what did you what did you hope would
come from it think for a second I’ll
give you another one in mind while
you’re thinking try and trigger you also
want to do well I wanted to definitely
be a rock star I wanted to be able to
entertain people to change their
emotional states to use my voice and my
face and my body to give people more
passion in their lives and I found
another way to do that plus I get to
work with some of these people the other
day I got a chance to go to the
Aerosmith concert I kind of grew up
listening to those guys and I found out
the Steven Tyler and some of these guys
are fans of mine as well went backstage
and I met Tim Collins who’s their
manager and he told me a phenomenal
story so that years ago in the early 80s
when Aerosmith was in really bad shape
the guys were hooked on heroin and they
were losing everything financially and
the group had broken up but he decided
he’s gonna turn it around and he read
two books Think and Grow Rich and a
little book called unlimited power and
he said that what he learned there gave
him the inspiration and some of the
tools and strategies that get himself
off heroin and coke and they need a
group intervention and help the other
guys do the same and these guys are now
in a mission they’re totally clean
they’re Evian water drinking guys that
are out there hearing their rock and
roll on their message and they’re doing
healthfully I got a chance to meet
Stephen
Tyler is just an incredible guy when
these guys have been touring for 23
years giving their all passionately
everyday feel like their brothers and I
was really interesting cuz he said you
know I watched on TV all the time I feel
like we walk on the same path you know
and he said I listened to your tapes he
said we really have the same mission so
you know do you think you’d get together
us and do a gig for us what do you mean
he’s like you know the guys on the
weekend did you maybe like do your gig
for us so we can all participate on
weekend as they’re allowed when I pinch
myself I sound cool now I get to do a
gig for Aerosmith I’m not out there rock
and rollin but sort of I am I’m working
with the rock and rollers there’s fun so
my point is maybe you’re not doing what
you originally envisioned but maybe
you’ll find a way to do it even better
if you have some faith maybe if you keep
developing yourself and you know at
least the emotion you want the
contribution you want to create just
find a better way most importantly
before you can find a way you got to
know the essence of what it is you
really want what is that purpose that’s
what I’m really asking you about now
with your eyes closed again think about
a situation in your life when you felt
like you’re really on a roll you know
the kind of situation I’m talking about
we you just felt incredibly good at
great feelings but things were just
flowing things were effortless when you
thought yourself
wow I love this this is what life’s
about I love this is it this is this is
what life is really about
can you remember time like that in your
life at any age younger all will you
really felt like you’re in that flow
even this is it this is what life’s
about think of a situation like that
right now
remember that time that back into your
mind back in your body like you were
there and look through your own eyes as
you were then when you felt like this is
what life’s about and see what you saw
here what you heard what were you doing
what were you feeling
what were the state you’re in what were
you experiencing yeah think about it and
tell me what is it and it was there
anything in common with this with some
of the other things you’ve wanted to
have in your life the feelings you want
to have maybe you wanted to grow or
create or contributer discover or expand
or challenge what is it love what were
the feelings what were you doing then
when you get a sense of what that was
then think about this they got another
situation you’ll I think of a second one
where you felt like you’re on a roll at
some other point in your life when
things were flowing when you felt this
is it this is what life’s about I love
this think of another time like that to
step into that situation as well
step into it right now and she step in
that situation look around see what you
saw and hear it you’re her that’s you
what you were feeling man what’s
happening in that moment not just what
you were doing notice what you were
doing were you creating or writing or
speaking communicating or or
manufacturing something or studying or
learning what were you doing but also
how are you feeling what would the state
you’re in and what were you doing for
others that they were involved what
other people involved what was the
process what how are you being and what
were you doing feel in your body is
there anything that is similar between
this and last experience or anything
about this that’s similar between this
and the feelings that you wanted for
those things you wanted to be when
you’re gonna grow up that’s it notice it
and capture not only the idea of this
but the feeling as well now one more
time think of something else another
time at any age when you felt like
you’re on a major role things are really
fun we felt incredible you felt like I
love this this is what life’s really
about this is it
think of another situation like that
right now and as you step into that
situation right now notice what were you
doing what were you creating what we
have sharing what were you feeling
feeling these feelings think about the
purpose of your life if you were gonna
say it in a simple phrase not even
paragraphs and paragraphs simple phrase
or a sentence or two and you’re gonna
write down the purpose in my life is to
what if you’re gonna do it you’re gonna
have a couple simple criteria one has
got to be stated positive not the
personal life is to stop all the
horrible things in the world no no
something positive something stated in
the positive and if it was gonna be
something brief and it was gonna be
something emotionally charged in terms
of its words for you it has to have how
you’re gonna be as a person and what we
gonna do and it’s gotta include not just
other people like I’m gonna change other
people’s lives or I’m gonna make the
world better for other people it’s gotta
you got to be in your own mission
statement you got to be your own purpose
today but you got to be in there too and
other people don’t have a purpose – for
me to be happy cuz we’re all connected
so if it’s you and others being and
doing brief ensure what is the purpose
of your life
what is it right now what comes into
your head not the right answer not the
perfect answer just the answer the
purpose your life is to be and do what
for yourself another just say it out
loud just say it don’t even write down
at first and you got a pen and paper
than right at that purpose my life is no
what say it again try something keep
changing it and if you write it down
each time it’ll give you better saw it I
prefer if you write it down but just
come up with something
the purpose of my life for me Tony
Robbins is to serve God and my fellow
man by being a powerful loving
passionate outrageous courageous strong
playful crazy example of the unlimited
possibilities that God gives when you
commit your life to service when you
really focused on contribution that’s my
life’s about I know what I feel like I
can change the word slightly here in
there but I know the essence of my life
and you’ve got to know what that is for
you that is what will help you to make
the decisions that will give you the
motivation to get up early and stay up
late that’ll make you connect with
people the way you’ve never connected
before but you got to know what it is
and it’s got to be more than just you
you and others gonna debrief it’s got to
be emotions got to be intense so go do
it right now turn off the tape and just
start writing my crazy what is the
purpose of your life and when you write
something write another thing cross it
out write another one to keep writing it
better and better so you got something
you like them to turn the tape back on
go for it do it now the purpose of your
life is to what
you did turn this thing off didn’t you
you’re not just sitting there thinking
come on if you write it out it’ll be
better with more precision turn off if
you’re on your way back then just ignore
the last sentence welcome back daddy got
something you really like I hope so
I know it’s not the end-all be-all it
better not be perfect or I’m gonna come
through this tape and grab you your job
is not to be perfect it’s to be
excellent perfection can never really be
achieved in any way if you’re truly a
perfectionist then it’s never perfect
but it’s getting better all the time so
what is the purpose of your life and how
does it feel and you think about this is
the purpose of my life let me give you
one other criteria did you write it so
you can only achieve it once you die if
so change it because we don’t want you
have to die to achieve your purpose
which is what some people have it should
be something you can experience every
day you know whatever you do whether
you’re just sitting at the lunch counter
walking through a grocery store you’re
going and conducting your business I
don’t care what it is it should be
something you can feel and you gotta
find what that is for you and I had a
language that at least for now see and
know the goal of the game with that your
life takes on a whole nother dimension
so I should go out over the next month
try something take this purpose
statement and keep in front of you put
it in the system you use for managing
your time and keeping your to-do list
put it up on the wall nearby and as you
look at it each day don’t just write it
and forget about it think about each day
how can I live my purpose more when you
go to make a decision about doing
something and you’re not sure why you’re
doing it you can always go back to your
purpose you can do it going into a
meeting and already going to meeting I’m
going to meet I’m gonna be powerful
loving passionate rageous playful I’m
gonna inspire people to see what’s
possible if we really serve all the
people around us that’s not how to
figure out you have a guiding principle
no matter what happens
principles don’t change the essence of
who you are will not change the
environment they change the vehicles may
change but what’s inside of you won’t
let me say one final thing to you before
it’s in do you often have you take some
more time to work on your mission state
one is uh if you want to send me your
mission statement the Robbins research
I’d love to receive it I’d love to see
how you’ve language the purpose of your
life so if you feel like doing that
please do and address it to me
personally the other thing is this I
want you to realize that very often not
getting your dream gives you your
destiny what I mean by that is this so
often as I said when we start this tape
people set up a goal or a demon they
don’t get it and then they feel so
disappointed so frustrated sometimes
resentful towards others or are took
their Creator or towards themselves are
not accomplishing or achieving it but
the truth of the matter is whenever
something happens you must find an
empowering meaning you must ask yourself
how can I use this if this was to serve
a higher purpose in my life how would I
use it to serve a higher purpose if this
was gonna make me into somebody more how
would I use it to make me more and very
often in life if you really look back on
your life the worst situations in your
life have been the best if you were
willing to trust that it happened for a
reason that somehow even though this is
painful you’d never want it to happen
again somehow this is gonna serve you
maybe you were hurt by someone or some
situation but because of that your kids
will never be hurt the same way you did
when you were a child or maybe you went
through some tough time but because of
that you did help somebody else so they
won’t have to go through the same pain
you did maybe the pain made you make a
new decision to send you’re in a brand
new direction that brought you to this
destiny I really truly believe in my
heart of hearts that have are willing to
trust and have fate and look for answers
and actively pursue them that every
human experience supports us even those
that are painful and I believe we can
probably do them without the pain bullet
the pain to strike or something happens
outside your control which it will
instead of living in fear that that will
happen someday you want to live for the
sense of certainty that says no matter
what happens I will benefit from because
I will look for benefits and therefore I
will find them that simple now I’ll give
you a good metaphor you know there’s a
great movie I’m sure you recall was
called the Field of Dreams in it they
said if you build it they will come
in the movie Kevin Costner seeks out an
old man by the name of dr. am he’s
played by Burt Lancaster and when he
first meets this man he’s going to see
him to tell him about a field of dreams
that Kevin has developed a place where
these old men could come back and play
again to be young again to live their
dream Hilary meets doctor and he starts
to talk to him he says I understand that
you only were able to play one inning in
your life because I Graham said well
yeah my whole life’s dream was always to
play baseball to be a professional he
said every single day I gave my all I
lived this passion he said you know I
took ground balls and batting practice
and I pushed myself and he said finally
I made it I made it to the big leagues
and the whole season went by without my
being able to play and finally at the
end of the season in the eighth inning
the coach looked over at me and said kid
I want you in right field he said I was
so happy I couldn’t believe it I ran out
on the field and he said I stood out
there and right field waiting for
somebody hit it to me waiting for my
chance and nothing happened then when we
came back in he said my turn to bat
never came and the next year they
without giving me another chance or even
giving me a chance they sent me back to
the minor leagues and he said I couldn’t
I just couldn’t take it ok
take going through that again so I quit
Kevin Costner said oh my god that’s
unbelievable what incredible pain what
devastation that must have destroyed you
I mean for any man to be that close to
his dream and have your dream pass you
by as if it doesn’t even know it’s you
he said that that must have been the
most destructive painful Banga that
that’s a total disaster
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