you might want to get honest with
yourself like instead of doing this be a
billionaire or do this do you really
because you can make it happen
you actually can look at all the idiots
that are making money you can make money
in order to get to the next level in
your business you got to decide right
now what habits do you have as a leader
that you have to change now everybody
gives too much rubbish about what
everybody else thinks and you know who
they think them are they’re worried the
most friends need motivation watch a top
10 with believe nation
what’s that believe nation it’s seven my
one word is believe and I believe in you
I believe you have Michael Jordan level
talent at something and I want you to
find it embrace it and use it to make a
difference so let’s get your motivation
to attend and get you believing in you
grab a snack and chew in today’s lessons
from a woman who went from struggling in
her career and facing bankruptcy to
becoming a best-selling author and one
of the most sought-after public speakers
on the market today
she’s Mel Robbins and here’s my take on
her top ten roses success volume 6 enjoy
also if you want to know what Mel
Robbins and other thought leaders think
about building confidence check out my
new to 54 confident series where every
day for the next 254 days I will send
you a new video for free that is 30
seconds to 5 minutes long to start your
day and help you build unstoppable
confidence check out the link in the
description below I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see and that pattern is getting
triggered by something that happened in
your past that left you with this
emotional scar when you set goals when
you have an intention on something that
you want to change about your life your
brain helps you what it does is it opens
up a checklist and then your brain goes
to work trying to remind you yeah of
that intention that you said you know I
talked a lot about being honest with
yourself about what you want and if
you’re somebody that’s watching this and
you have no clue what you want I’m gonna
say that’s total I think you’ve
probably decided that either you can’t
have it because you don’t think you’re
smart enough for
enough or worthy enough or maybe you
think you’re too old or you’ve told
yourself that you can’t make a living
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one get honest with yourself
I’ve always wanted a six-pack and I
don’t have it and I don’t know and I’ve
never had it and when I I finally
stopped complaining about it when I got
honest about what it was gonna require
I’m dead serious dead serious about this
at my you know at 49 with my affinity
for alcohol and my love of carbs and my
distaste for exercise I have a small
problem on my hands if I want a six-pack
so if you were to go forward right and
think okay well if a year from now I had
a six-pack what would what would that
actually what would my day-to-day life
and you can get very clear that you’re
not committed to that and then you can
stop beating yourself up for this you
never intend on doing what I realized is
I can spend four minutes a day in a
hotel room or in my bedroom doing planks
and my arms look great and everybody
else will think the rest of my body is
in shape it works like a charm so you
might want to get honest with yourself
like instead of doing this be a
millionaire or do this do you really
because you can make it happen
you actually can look at all the idiots
that are making money you can make money
but you’re gonna have to roll the clock
forward just a year and say okay if I’m
able to put $1,000 a month against my
debt I’m able to make X amount of
dollars a month I’m able to put X amount
of dollars in savings what do I need to
be doing a year from now to make that
happen and what are those habits that
are there a year from now that I don’t
have right now and then roll yourself
back to this moment just like I
explained with exercise do I actually
not want to have a Manhattan tonight
nope did I want to go to the gym today
nope
did I am I am I willing to not eat what
I ate for but nope
and my Willa I did my four minutes my
arms are looking really good
but so bring it back and then you will
have the formula for pivoting at any
moment you time-travel forward a year
you investigate the patterns that you
have that are giving you the result that
you want and then you back your ass up
to right here right now and you decide
am I willing to do this now if I’m
willing then five four three two one
through all the excuses that are gonna
be there when you’re trying to override
your operating system that’s how you do
it or you have the reality check like I
had which is ocean but I just like the
beach I don’t intend on changing so why
don’t we get this off the plate and
let’s focus on the things that I am
actually committed to rule number two
follow your heart and soul in the TED
talk I cited this this statistic that I
had read years ago and that is that a
scientist had calculated the odds of you
and me being born and when you think
about just even the sexual act of your
parents in a lifetime relationship the
number of times they would actually be
intimate the amount of sperm that go the
odds of one egg and one sperm and then
you throw in then you throw in the DNA
and the uniqueness of your DNA structure
some scientists calculated all of those
odds and figured out that the odds of
you being you who you are born the day
that you were born to the parents that
you have with the DNA structure that you
have given all the other variables that
could change something the odds are one
in four hundred trillion that you are
you and so what that means to me is that
you’re meant to be here that there is a
reason why you were born and the journey
of your life is to figure it out and I
think it’s actually simple I think that
life is very simple and we complicate it
because we have brains that can tell
stories and we have bodies that can
sense danger and so we over complicate
things and that the purpose of your life
is to listen to your heart and soul and
to follow it and to express the highest
not the self-doubt not the anxiety not
the fear is not the pettiness not the
frustrations but to actually have the
courage to be fully expressed as like it
sounds stupid but you know as as a great
human being to have the courage to be
kind to have the courage to be patient
to have the courage to cheer for other
people and have the courage to tune into
that wisdom that’s inside of you and
lean into it follow the things that
pique your curiosity do more of this
that actually expands your heart and
expands the amount of energy in your
body and slowly but surely if you align
all your decisions and the things that
you spend time on and the people that
you spend time on with the things that
naturally energize you your whole life
will experience a shift rule number
three follow Parkinson’s Law it’s an
excellent question I think if you’re
present – whether or not you’re kind of
in the zone of time where it’s cool to
be fluid you’re kind of with the family
you’re also sort of present on your
phone that’s cool if you’ve decided that
because my kids are starting to complain
or my fiance’s starting to complain that
I’m always like this then you got honor
that if you’re gonna say I’m putting
down the phone between seven and nine
o’clock tonight and I’m actually just
gonna be present with you you’ve got to
honor it
so what I will do is I’ll just jot a
note to myself so instead of picking up
the phone
I’ll just jot a note down you’ve had the
experience right where you gotta like be
in a meeting at the school or you have
to catch plane or you’ve got a doctor’s
appointment and have you ever noticed
that when you’ve got an anchor like that
your whole day condenses and you’re more
productive because you’ve got this
deadline and that’s called
old Parkinson’s law so Parkinson’s law
it’s a research backed fact that when
you have work to do it will expand to
the amount of time that you have to do
it in so if you have 20 minutes to make
a call how long will it take you if you
have two weeks to make it how long will
it take you correct so if you every day
no phone in your room you set that one
priority that matters to you if you got
time to kind of inch it forward just a
little bit great you’ve already made
progress you’re done for the day
then you look at your phone you also set
a quitting time right then and there the
majority of days you’ll honor it and
that quitting time means for me it means
I’m not on my phone and everybody that
works for me if knows if there’s an
emergency or if we have to do something
they’ll call me so that that helps a lot
rule number four my personal favorite
try if you had to pick one word that was
you one word that represented your
essence and so let me explain what I
mean by essence have you ever been
around a dog that gets wet and they
shake and then there gets all over you
that to me is the definition of essence
so you walk into a room what is it that
shakes off on to other people what’s the
word right here excited anyone else
determine kind energy back in the back
to shut up
thoughtful love sexy awesome so it was
interesting because the word that fell
out because I immediately thought oh I
wonder if mine is confidence and then I
thought well wait a minute actually no
it’s try all I want you to ever do is
try that’s it I just want you to try in
those moments where you hear yourself I
want you to try in those moments where
you know that it’s time to speak up I
want you to try that’s all that I ever
asked of you because if you simply do
that and I say simply as if it’s so easy
right you will literally unlock the
potential of your life rule number five
innovate yourself
here’s another massive insight so I
think about businesses levels right and
I also realize that is the media
landscape or the particular vertical or
industry that you’re building a business
and is changing that is a constant and
it’s something that you can’t control
right you just cannot control the things
that are happening in the world around
us but you can always control what
you’re thinking and what you’re doing in
response to it
so all of my work centers inside this
gap between what’s happening in your
life and in your work and what your
reaction is to it and how you can’t
control the things that are going on
around you but you can always control
what your reaction is and that gap there
that’s about five seconds long and you
start to understand that you can change
how you think you can change your habits
you can change how you lead you can
pivot and change even the philosophy of
your company and you can do it through
the decisions that you’re making and
managing your reactions
you will become unstoppable so three
years three and a half years ago I got
into the speaking business because of
the popularity of that TEDx talk that I
gave and the first year I did I don’t
know I think was like twenty-seven
speeches the next year I did 87 last
year I did 121 I was the most booked
female speaker in the world this year
I’ve capped it at 80 and here’s why I
realized just like you may be realizing
in your business whatever your business
is that there are aspects of your
business that you love and that energize
you and there are aspects of your
business that are depleting as hell and
that are old and that are tired and that
if you continue in that lane you’re
gonna end up ten years from now in a
place that you don’t want to be it’s so
important for you to pay attention to
what’s energizing you about the
landscape around you and about your own
business because that’s the secret to
seeing around corners and so the corner
that I was seeing around is that as an
entrepreneur even though it’s wildly
lucrative to do what I do just on the
speaking platform I mean anybody can do
the math and 121 speeches right and the
amount of money that I get paid to show
up and deliver a one-hour talk
and realize there’s a lot of money
here’s the problem it’s a terrible
business because you can’t scale it
other than raising your price or raising
the number of times you do it and guess
what else you have to show up and I
can’t sell it so I found myself in a
situation where I had built a
multi-million dollar business highly
profitable and it was depleting the hell
out of me and I can’t really scale it
and I can’t sell it terrible position to
be in in an entrepreneur so I made a
decision that I you know what was it
beau that actually energizes me about my
business and I answered it with the
first question it’s hearing from people
I would rather answer comments on
Instagram all day long then stand in a
stadium with 5,000 people in it I get
more from the one-to-one connection
that’s what fuels me and so I had this
lightbulb moment paying attention being
clear then wait a minute I don’t want to
build the biggest speaking platform and
I don’t want to build a coaching
business I want to build a Content
company I want to go back to my roots
and build a media company and so with
that in sight I now have to change right
because the kind of businesswoman that
runs a multi multi-million dollar
speaking business is where it’s just you
and your speaking management firm and
your traveled folks and your logistics
people and maybe your social media
manager that’s who’s on the team the
kind of leader that runs that kind of
team is very different than the kind of
leader that is going to grow a hundred
million dollar media company that’s
going to syndicate content every single
day that is going to own what she’s
doing that’s gonna build Instagram and
Facebook and YouTube and LinkedIn as my
personal ABC CNBC Fox and this is what I
want you to understand about the story
and that is this in order to get to the
next level in your business you got to
decide right now
what habits do you have as a leader that
you have to change now because you will
see around the quarter you will not
engineer that next quantum leap unless
you personally change and so one of the
reasons why I have gone from being the
most successful female you know book
speaker on the speaking circuit to
launching the number one book on all of
the self-publishing platform for Amazon
and one of the most read books in the
world and selling like gangbusters still
is because I am constantly innovating
myself I know that I am the single
biggest problem in my company and if I
don’t constantly pivot and evolve how I
lead and what I’m focused on I’m gonna
be the blockade and so you know stop
looking at what everybody else is doing
stop micromanaging the team and ask
yourself two years from now when you
think about where you want your company
to be what habit do you have to change
the barrier is everybody gives us what
other people are thinking
and so they’re on camera or they’re on a
microphone trying to be smart or
concerned about whether or not they look
good in the shot concerned about how
they sound whether or not they started
if their neck is stirring red like
whatever it may be and they’re so up
here that they’re not actually being
true to just saying what’s right here
whether you’re speaking from the heart
speaking from the gut like that is the
skill to develop is the ability to be
more like an 11 year old that gets on
camera and can just be themselves
instead of being a 49 year old person
censoring themselves and that’s what I’m
talking about when I talk about the
truth when I talk about authenticity
that people really want to feel that
connection and the only way that they’re
going to feel that connection is if you
do the work to remove the own veneer and
the own barriers that you put in between
you and other people and the number-one
thing is everybody gives too much of a
about what everybody else thinks
and you know who they think they’re
worried the most about the friends if I
put this thing off
not for my friends but for the people
that I’m trying to build a rapport with
online my friends are gonna judge me
your friends seriously if you’re out to
make a difference if you’re out to share
something that is important to you if
your friends don’t like it or don’t
support you there
friends the only steps that really works
is action because if you’re stopping to
think about what people are thinking or
whether or not you’re worried about what
people are thinking you’ve already
fallen into the trap the second that you
push yourself to get started through the
action itself you are proving to
yourself that even though you care what
everybody thinks you’re gonna do it
anyway rule number seven focus on what
you’re good at a big mistake that we
make as entrepreneurs as we think that
we’ve got to build everything ourselves
and what’s super cool about business
today is that there are channels where
you can make money so that you don’t
have to do things that are outside your
core expertise you’re a photographer
you’re amazing at it you’re a networker
I can already tell you’re amazing at it
what you should never ever do is spend
time building a stock photography site
because that is not your core capability
but if you just focus on taking photos
which you love and you upload the stuff
that you’re not going to monetize some
other way to a stock photography site as
long as it’s not other you know it’s not
as long as you know you’ve got the
rights to it and everything else you can
make money on that stuff all day long
and in fact because so many people are
creating content the stock photography
sites have exploded it’s not just Getty
and stock lists and some of the other
ones that a ton of people use there
there are tons of them out there and so
that’s one thing that you should be
doing where else do you want to grow
your business I want to make sure I’m
able to do that first step very well
before I progress onto the new to the
next phase okay I don’t want to do so
many different things that I’m not doing
each one of them very well that’s right
so anything where you’re gonna have to
learn a new skill and somebody else has
done it and you can outsource it just
like uploading to stock sites that is
you don’t want to make the mistake of
having your attention go off the ball
which is creating a big library of
photos and building something that you
have no interest in building rule number
eight on your work
a year ago February 28th I believe it
was we launched the five-second rule
book and there are so many lessons in
not only the launch of that book and how
I did it as a businesswoman but also the
trajectory that has happened since then
number one it’s important for you to
know that it was one of the top five
most read books on Amazon last year it
was the number one audio book in the
world it is the number one selling title
on Amazon and audible self-publishing
audible platform that’s really cool
because as an entrepreneur for me
personally it’s so important for me to
kind to have control of the work that
I’m doing that decision to self publish
has paid off more than it’s paid off
financially and it certainly will pay
you more in the long tail financially
when you own your work and when you self
publish and if you have an idea that you
have been thinking about and you’re
watching both show and you’re watching
Evans channel to get the motivation to
continue to tell your story to do the
work to get your stuff out there then
one thing I’ll say is if you believe in
what you’re doing don’t sell it to
somebody self publish it because you
will eventually it might not happen in
the first year but eventually your work
will bump into the right audience and it
will grow and it will grow and you will
really regret having sold for pennies on
the dollar the thing that was really
your life’s work and so please please
please if you are content generator if
you’re an entrepreneur if you’re a
writer if you’re a song producer on what
you’re doing at least in the beginning
and so you start to understand the
industry and the economics of things
rule number nine use the if-then
planning so if you’re trying to stop
yourself from repeating a pattern of
behavior let’s use drinking okay if
you’re trying to use it to stop yourself
from drinking and you feel yourself
being drawn to go pour the glass of wine
because it’s six o’clock right and you
got home and
to have that glass of wine and by the
way time of day is a huge trigger for
behaviors huge trigger so you feel
yourself being drawn toward the glass of
wine go 5 4 3 2 1 and physically move
away from it so that’s one thing that
you can do in terms of the thoughts and
we go into this in depth in the
five-second rule book there’s some
science around something called if-then
planning so if then planning will make
you 60% more likely to stick to a
commitment and what if then planning is
is it is coming up with a plan B before
the you-know-what hits the fan and so in
the case of thinking patterns that are
negative or behavior patterns like
pleasing people or silencing yourself
what I want you to do is it can be very
effective to write down all the times
where you’re typically triggered to do
that or to think that negative thing
then come up with what you’re going to
do instead ahead of time if this person
uses that tone of voice with me and
speaks in a different disrespectful way
instead of standing here and taking it 5
4 3 2 1 then I’m gonna do this and rule
number 10 the last one before a very
special bonus clip is walk the talk they
know what they need to do and this is my
challenge as well yeah I know what I
need to do I know it needs to be done
right getting that motivation and
getting over that ledge and that
five-second rule and my goodness changed
my life I haven’t quite made it to not
hitting snooze yet ok why let me tell
you something ok are you ready ready
your business will go to the next level
the second you actually beat the habit
of hitting the snooze and the reason why
is because of the science around
productivity and the brain ok and when
you push yourself to walk the talk and
have the first 30 minutes of your day be
the most productive for your brain you
will bring a level of conviction
and authority and impact to the business
that’s not there currently you see when
you’re an expert and you’re a consultant
your power is limited to the extent that
you personally feel like you’re not
using the tools does that make sense I
say this for myself I say this because
when I think about businesses that I’ve
had in the past or when I was an
executive coach and I would be giving
advice but I’m not technically following
it in the same regard I’m not as
powerful right and so I would highly
highly highly encourage you starting
tomorrow morning you want to be the best
productivity coach on the planet that
alarm goes off notice the gap because
the more that you start to play with
this five-second window and you go 5 4 3
2 1 and you push yourself out of bed and
you hate it and then you take your cold
shower and you hate it and then you
don’t look at your phone and you hate it
and then you spend the first 30 minutes
of the day pushing something forward and
you hate it but you do it you will now
be able to coach people who do the exact
now I’ve got a really special bonus Mel
Robbins clip on how to reframe negative
patterns and strategies but before that
I want to make sure that you were
getting value from this video and you’re
taking action not just watching another
video so I’ve got three questions
homework for you to think about as
you’ve gone through this video question
number one what’s an honest truth about
yourself that you need to recognize and
live more question number two what is
your heart telling you that you need to
do that you are not doing and question
number three what can you commit to
trying to do for the next week that is
outside your usual routine you can write
down the answers yourself talk about it
with a friend or leave it down the
comments below the most important part
is we’re moving from just consuming to
actually taking action in our lives and
businesses thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
stand that you can find people to
support you you will always find people
to criticize you watch though how when
somebody outside of you criticizes you
how that triggers the internal pattern
so what is the pattern that you have of
thinking that gets triggered that
disempowers you that I won’t have any
words you won’t have any words let’s go
deeper than that is it something about
being loved or being unworthy or not
being good enough what is underneath I
won’t have the words yeah they won’t be
the right words and I it won’t be good
enough yeah okay and so do you have an
opinion that you’re not good enough or
not deserving of success or that you’re
not smart enough to make a difference
yeah
what is the one what is what is the
thing that hooks you that you say to
yourself that I’m stupid there okay
there we go
that’s a good one not a good one but you
know what I mean that’s a good one
because that’s my baby okay I’m a piece
of
now we’re talking yeah that’s the big
one who told you that when did you start
believing that little girl yeah just
been saying it for so long I don’t know
that’s okay she said I’ve been saying it
for so long I don’t know as you now know
what you’re looking for you’re gonna
start to connect the dots okay and so
here’s the thing at some point you
started telling yourself whatever I’m a
piece as a strategy you did it on
purpose as a youngster as a way to
survive things that were happening
because maybe when you said while I’m a
piece of you actually got really quiet
and you didn’t get hit or maybe when you
said that you removed yourself from
situations when you would have been
abused or something it worked because it
protected you as weird as it sounds yeah
is that but are you seeing something
what are you seeing well yeah my dad
didn’t want but he wanted me to be quiet
in the corner being quiet yes they
couldn’t make noise and
okay right and if you got if you raised
your voice you got in trouble so do you
guys see the link now between why she
has a concern about finding her words oh
yeah I didn’t get that one you see that
now yeah so every time that you are in a
situation where you need to speak up how
many of you relating to this by the way
I have a theory about all of us that we
have patterns and strategies that we
would be created when we were little in
order to survive situations and what she
internalized was don’t speak up and
you’re a piece of sh you do and believe
me that protected your ass it worked
because you didn’t speak up and you
didn’t get in trouble with your dad
right and I still got the love so if I
speak up now do you see this so this is
a pattern that got written when she was
little and it was written by someone
else and it worked it worked the problem
is now that your it’s not working now
not working now and see cake exactly and
so this is what’s fascinating about all
this there are places in your life where
you have patterns that you don’t even
recognize that were strategies that you
developed when you were a kid and so in
the areas where you’re really frustrated
that pattern is probably not present or
conscious something that you’re aware of
and so every single time because you’ve
been repeating this and repeating and
repeating it every single time you’re
about to hit play every single time
you’re gonna stand on a stage what’s
going to be right there is don’t speak
up your yes freeze and you’re gonna go 5
4 3 2 1
the only thing – that actually overrides
this pattern is to speak and through
speaking you will see that you’re not a
piece of you actually has something to
say or you could make fun of it and say
well I guess I’m just a piece of
that’s right and I also like the
strategy of kind of making the fun of
the stuff even the heavy stuff because
it loses its grip on me it works for me
it may not work for you but it’s
something to try
now turistic world domination honey
Empire right I’m grateful I understand
why I’m here I think because I am so
open I wanted to think I see
it’s a bloody brief life all of you have
the potential for enormous success if
you want to know what gary vee DJ khalid
oprah and others know about empire
building that most people miss check out
the link in the description for a free bonus video
yourself like instead of doing this be a
billionaire or do this do you really
because you can make it happen
you actually can look at all the idiots
that are making money you can make money
in order to get to the next level in
your business you got to decide right
now what habits do you have as a leader
that you have to change now everybody
gives too much rubbish about what
everybody else thinks and you know who
they think them are they’re worried the
most friends need motivation watch a top
10 with believe nation
what’s that believe nation it’s seven my
one word is believe and I believe in you
I believe you have Michael Jordan level
talent at something and I want you to
find it embrace it and use it to make a
difference so let’s get your motivation
to attend and get you believing in you
grab a snack and chew in today’s lessons
from a woman who went from struggling in
her career and facing bankruptcy to
becoming a best-selling author and one
of the most sought-after public speakers
on the market today
she’s Mel Robbins and here’s my take on
her top ten roses success volume 6 enjoy
also if you want to know what Mel
Robbins and other thought leaders think
about building confidence check out my
new to 54 confident series where every
day for the next 254 days I will send
you a new video for free that is 30
seconds to 5 minutes long to start your
day and help you build unstoppable
confidence check out the link in the
description below I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see and that pattern is getting
triggered by something that happened in
your past that left you with this
emotional scar when you set goals when
you have an intention on something that
you want to change about your life your
brain helps you what it does is it opens
up a checklist and then your brain goes
to work trying to remind you yeah of
that intention that you said you know I
talked a lot about being honest with
yourself about what you want and if
you’re somebody that’s watching this and
you have no clue what you want I’m gonna
say that’s total I think you’ve
probably decided that either you can’t
have it because you don’t think you’re
smart enough for
enough or worthy enough or maybe you
think you’re too old or you’ve told
yourself that you can’t make a living
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one get honest with yourself
I’ve always wanted a six-pack and I
don’t have it and I don’t know and I’ve
never had it and when I I finally
stopped complaining about it when I got
honest about what it was gonna require
I’m dead serious dead serious about this
at my you know at 49 with my affinity
for alcohol and my love of carbs and my
distaste for exercise I have a small
problem on my hands if I want a six-pack
so if you were to go forward right and
think okay well if a year from now I had
a six-pack what would what would that
actually what would my day-to-day life
and you can get very clear that you’re
not committed to that and then you can
stop beating yourself up for this you
never intend on doing what I realized is
I can spend four minutes a day in a
hotel room or in my bedroom doing planks
and my arms look great and everybody
else will think the rest of my body is
in shape it works like a charm so you
might want to get honest with yourself
like instead of doing this be a
millionaire or do this do you really
because you can make it happen
you actually can look at all the idiots
that are making money you can make money
but you’re gonna have to roll the clock
forward just a year and say okay if I’m
able to put $1,000 a month against my
debt I’m able to make X amount of
dollars a month I’m able to put X amount
of dollars in savings what do I need to
be doing a year from now to make that
happen and what are those habits that
are there a year from now that I don’t
have right now and then roll yourself
back to this moment just like I
explained with exercise do I actually
not want to have a Manhattan tonight
nope did I want to go to the gym today
nope
did I am I am I willing to not eat what
I ate for but nope
and my Willa I did my four minutes my
arms are looking really good
but so bring it back and then you will
have the formula for pivoting at any
moment you time-travel forward a year
you investigate the patterns that you
have that are giving you the result that
you want and then you back your ass up
to right here right now and you decide
am I willing to do this now if I’m
willing then five four three two one
through all the excuses that are gonna
be there when you’re trying to override
your operating system that’s how you do
it or you have the reality check like I
had which is ocean but I just like the
beach I don’t intend on changing so why
don’t we get this off the plate and
let’s focus on the things that I am
actually committed to rule number two
follow your heart and soul in the TED
talk I cited this this statistic that I
had read years ago and that is that a
scientist had calculated the odds of you
and me being born and when you think
about just even the sexual act of your
parents in a lifetime relationship the
number of times they would actually be
intimate the amount of sperm that go the
odds of one egg and one sperm and then
you throw in then you throw in the DNA
and the uniqueness of your DNA structure
some scientists calculated all of those
odds and figured out that the odds of
you being you who you are born the day
that you were born to the parents that
you have with the DNA structure that you
have given all the other variables that
could change something the odds are one
in four hundred trillion that you are
you and so what that means to me is that
you’re meant to be here that there is a
reason why you were born and the journey
of your life is to figure it out and I
think it’s actually simple I think that
life is very simple and we complicate it
because we have brains that can tell
stories and we have bodies that can
sense danger and so we over complicate
things and that the purpose of your life
is to listen to your heart and soul and
to follow it and to express the highest
not the self-doubt not the anxiety not
the fear is not the pettiness not the
frustrations but to actually have the
courage to be fully expressed as like it
sounds stupid but you know as as a great
human being to have the courage to be
kind to have the courage to be patient
to have the courage to cheer for other
people and have the courage to tune into
that wisdom that’s inside of you and
lean into it follow the things that
pique your curiosity do more of this
that actually expands your heart and
expands the amount of energy in your
body and slowly but surely if you align
all your decisions and the things that
you spend time on and the people that
you spend time on with the things that
naturally energize you your whole life
will experience a shift rule number
three follow Parkinson’s Law it’s an
excellent question I think if you’re
present – whether or not you’re kind of
in the zone of time where it’s cool to
be fluid you’re kind of with the family
you’re also sort of present on your
phone that’s cool if you’ve decided that
because my kids are starting to complain
or my fiance’s starting to complain that
I’m always like this then you got honor
that if you’re gonna say I’m putting
down the phone between seven and nine
o’clock tonight and I’m actually just
gonna be present with you you’ve got to
honor it
so what I will do is I’ll just jot a
note to myself so instead of picking up
the phone
I’ll just jot a note down you’ve had the
experience right where you gotta like be
in a meeting at the school or you have
to catch plane or you’ve got a doctor’s
appointment and have you ever noticed
that when you’ve got an anchor like that
your whole day condenses and you’re more
productive because you’ve got this
deadline and that’s called
old Parkinson’s law so Parkinson’s law
it’s a research backed fact that when
you have work to do it will expand to
the amount of time that you have to do
it in so if you have 20 minutes to make
a call how long will it take you if you
have two weeks to make it how long will
it take you correct so if you every day
no phone in your room you set that one
priority that matters to you if you got
time to kind of inch it forward just a
little bit great you’ve already made
progress you’re done for the day
then you look at your phone you also set
a quitting time right then and there the
majority of days you’ll honor it and
that quitting time means for me it means
I’m not on my phone and everybody that
works for me if knows if there’s an
emergency or if we have to do something
they’ll call me so that that helps a lot
rule number four my personal favorite
try if you had to pick one word that was
you one word that represented your
essence and so let me explain what I
mean by essence have you ever been
around a dog that gets wet and they
shake and then there gets all over you
that to me is the definition of essence
so you walk into a room what is it that
shakes off on to other people what’s the
word right here excited anyone else
determine kind energy back in the back
to shut up
thoughtful love sexy awesome so it was
interesting because the word that fell
out because I immediately thought oh I
wonder if mine is confidence and then I
thought well wait a minute actually no
it’s try all I want you to ever do is
try that’s it I just want you to try in
those moments where you hear yourself I
want you to try in those moments where
you know that it’s time to speak up I
want you to try that’s all that I ever
asked of you because if you simply do
that and I say simply as if it’s so easy
right you will literally unlock the
potential of your life rule number five
innovate yourself
here’s another massive insight so I
think about businesses levels right and
I also realize that is the media
landscape or the particular vertical or
industry that you’re building a business
and is changing that is a constant and
it’s something that you can’t control
right you just cannot control the things
that are happening in the world around
us but you can always control what
you’re thinking and what you’re doing in
response to it
so all of my work centers inside this
gap between what’s happening in your
life and in your work and what your
reaction is to it and how you can’t
control the things that are going on
around you but you can always control
what your reaction is and that gap there
that’s about five seconds long and you
start to understand that you can change
how you think you can change your habits
you can change how you lead you can
pivot and change even the philosophy of
your company and you can do it through
the decisions that you’re making and
managing your reactions
you will become unstoppable so three
years three and a half years ago I got
into the speaking business because of
the popularity of that TEDx talk that I
gave and the first year I did I don’t
know I think was like twenty-seven
speeches the next year I did 87 last
year I did 121 I was the most booked
female speaker in the world this year
I’ve capped it at 80 and here’s why I
realized just like you may be realizing
in your business whatever your business
is that there are aspects of your
business that you love and that energize
you and there are aspects of your
business that are depleting as hell and
that are old and that are tired and that
if you continue in that lane you’re
gonna end up ten years from now in a
place that you don’t want to be it’s so
important for you to pay attention to
what’s energizing you about the
landscape around you and about your own
business because that’s the secret to
seeing around corners and so the corner
that I was seeing around is that as an
entrepreneur even though it’s wildly
lucrative to do what I do just on the
speaking platform I mean anybody can do
the math and 121 speeches right and the
amount of money that I get paid to show
up and deliver a one-hour talk
and realize there’s a lot of money
here’s the problem it’s a terrible
business because you can’t scale it
other than raising your price or raising
the number of times you do it and guess
what else you have to show up and I
can’t sell it so I found myself in a
situation where I had built a
multi-million dollar business highly
profitable and it was depleting the hell
out of me and I can’t really scale it
and I can’t sell it terrible position to
be in in an entrepreneur so I made a
decision that I you know what was it
beau that actually energizes me about my
business and I answered it with the
first question it’s hearing from people
I would rather answer comments on
Instagram all day long then stand in a
stadium with 5,000 people in it I get
more from the one-to-one connection
that’s what fuels me and so I had this
lightbulb moment paying attention being
clear then wait a minute I don’t want to
build the biggest speaking platform and
I don’t want to build a coaching
business I want to build a Content
company I want to go back to my roots
and build a media company and so with
that in sight I now have to change right
because the kind of businesswoman that
runs a multi multi-million dollar
speaking business is where it’s just you
and your speaking management firm and
your traveled folks and your logistics
people and maybe your social media
manager that’s who’s on the team the
kind of leader that runs that kind of
team is very different than the kind of
leader that is going to grow a hundred
million dollar media company that’s
going to syndicate content every single
day that is going to own what she’s
doing that’s gonna build Instagram and
Facebook and YouTube and LinkedIn as my
personal ABC CNBC Fox and this is what I
want you to understand about the story
and that is this in order to get to the
next level in your business you got to
decide right now
what habits do you have as a leader that
you have to change now because you will
see around the quarter you will not
engineer that next quantum leap unless
you personally change and so one of the
reasons why I have gone from being the
most successful female you know book
speaker on the speaking circuit to
launching the number one book on all of
the self-publishing platform for Amazon
and one of the most read books in the
world and selling like gangbusters still
is because I am constantly innovating
myself I know that I am the single
biggest problem in my company and if I
don’t constantly pivot and evolve how I
lead and what I’m focused on I’m gonna
be the blockade and so you know stop
looking at what everybody else is doing
stop micromanaging the team and ask
yourself two years from now when you
think about where you want your company
to be what habit do you have to change
the barrier is everybody gives us what
other people are thinking
and so they’re on camera or they’re on a
microphone trying to be smart or
concerned about whether or not they look
good in the shot concerned about how
they sound whether or not they started
if their neck is stirring red like
whatever it may be and they’re so up
here that they’re not actually being
true to just saying what’s right here
whether you’re speaking from the heart
speaking from the gut like that is the
skill to develop is the ability to be
more like an 11 year old that gets on
camera and can just be themselves
instead of being a 49 year old person
censoring themselves and that’s what I’m
talking about when I talk about the
truth when I talk about authenticity
that people really want to feel that
connection and the only way that they’re
going to feel that connection is if you
do the work to remove the own veneer and
the own barriers that you put in between
you and other people and the number-one
thing is everybody gives too much of a
about what everybody else thinks
and you know who they think they’re
worried the most about the friends if I
put this thing off
not for my friends but for the people
that I’m trying to build a rapport with
online my friends are gonna judge me
your friends seriously if you’re out to
make a difference if you’re out to share
something that is important to you if
your friends don’t like it or don’t
support you there
friends the only steps that really works
is action because if you’re stopping to
think about what people are thinking or
whether or not you’re worried about what
people are thinking you’ve already
fallen into the trap the second that you
push yourself to get started through the
action itself you are proving to
yourself that even though you care what
everybody thinks you’re gonna do it
anyway rule number seven focus on what
you’re good at a big mistake that we
make as entrepreneurs as we think that
we’ve got to build everything ourselves
and what’s super cool about business
today is that there are channels where
you can make money so that you don’t
have to do things that are outside your
core expertise you’re a photographer
you’re amazing at it you’re a networker
I can already tell you’re amazing at it
what you should never ever do is spend
time building a stock photography site
because that is not your core capability
but if you just focus on taking photos
which you love and you upload the stuff
that you’re not going to monetize some
other way to a stock photography site as
long as it’s not other you know it’s not
as long as you know you’ve got the
rights to it and everything else you can
make money on that stuff all day long
and in fact because so many people are
creating content the stock photography
sites have exploded it’s not just Getty
and stock lists and some of the other
ones that a ton of people use there
there are tons of them out there and so
that’s one thing that you should be
doing where else do you want to grow
your business I want to make sure I’m
able to do that first step very well
before I progress onto the new to the
next phase okay I don’t want to do so
many different things that I’m not doing
each one of them very well that’s right
so anything where you’re gonna have to
learn a new skill and somebody else has
done it and you can outsource it just
like uploading to stock sites that is
you don’t want to make the mistake of
having your attention go off the ball
which is creating a big library of
photos and building something that you
have no interest in building rule number
eight on your work
a year ago February 28th I believe it
was we launched the five-second rule
book and there are so many lessons in
not only the launch of that book and how
I did it as a businesswoman but also the
trajectory that has happened since then
number one it’s important for you to
know that it was one of the top five
most read books on Amazon last year it
was the number one audio book in the
world it is the number one selling title
on Amazon and audible self-publishing
audible platform that’s really cool
because as an entrepreneur for me
personally it’s so important for me to
kind to have control of the work that
I’m doing that decision to self publish
has paid off more than it’s paid off
financially and it certainly will pay
you more in the long tail financially
when you own your work and when you self
publish and if you have an idea that you
have been thinking about and you’re
watching both show and you’re watching
Evans channel to get the motivation to
continue to tell your story to do the
work to get your stuff out there then
one thing I’ll say is if you believe in
what you’re doing don’t sell it to
somebody self publish it because you
will eventually it might not happen in
the first year but eventually your work
will bump into the right audience and it
will grow and it will grow and you will
really regret having sold for pennies on
the dollar the thing that was really
your life’s work and so please please
please if you are content generator if
you’re an entrepreneur if you’re a
writer if you’re a song producer on what
you’re doing at least in the beginning
and so you start to understand the
industry and the economics of things
rule number nine use the if-then
planning so if you’re trying to stop
yourself from repeating a pattern of
behavior let’s use drinking okay if
you’re trying to use it to stop yourself
from drinking and you feel yourself
being drawn to go pour the glass of wine
because it’s six o’clock right and you
got home and
to have that glass of wine and by the
way time of day is a huge trigger for
behaviors huge trigger so you feel
yourself being drawn toward the glass of
wine go 5 4 3 2 1 and physically move
away from it so that’s one thing that
you can do in terms of the thoughts and
we go into this in depth in the
five-second rule book there’s some
science around something called if-then
planning so if then planning will make
you 60% more likely to stick to a
commitment and what if then planning is
is it is coming up with a plan B before
the you-know-what hits the fan and so in
the case of thinking patterns that are
negative or behavior patterns like
pleasing people or silencing yourself
what I want you to do is it can be very
effective to write down all the times
where you’re typically triggered to do
that or to think that negative thing
then come up with what you’re going to
do instead ahead of time if this person
uses that tone of voice with me and
speaks in a different disrespectful way
instead of standing here and taking it 5
4 3 2 1 then I’m gonna do this and rule
number 10 the last one before a very
special bonus clip is walk the talk they
know what they need to do and this is my
challenge as well yeah I know what I
need to do I know it needs to be done
right getting that motivation and
getting over that ledge and that
five-second rule and my goodness changed
my life I haven’t quite made it to not
hitting snooze yet ok why let me tell
you something ok are you ready ready
your business will go to the next level
the second you actually beat the habit
of hitting the snooze and the reason why
is because of the science around
productivity and the brain ok and when
you push yourself to walk the talk and
have the first 30 minutes of your day be
the most productive for your brain you
will bring a level of conviction
and authority and impact to the business
that’s not there currently you see when
you’re an expert and you’re a consultant
your power is limited to the extent that
you personally feel like you’re not
using the tools does that make sense I
say this for myself I say this because
when I think about businesses that I’ve
had in the past or when I was an
executive coach and I would be giving
advice but I’m not technically following
it in the same regard I’m not as
powerful right and so I would highly
highly highly encourage you starting
tomorrow morning you want to be the best
productivity coach on the planet that
alarm goes off notice the gap because
the more that you start to play with
this five-second window and you go 5 4 3
2 1 and you push yourself out of bed and
you hate it and then you take your cold
shower and you hate it and then you
don’t look at your phone and you hate it
and then you spend the first 30 minutes
of the day pushing something forward and
you hate it but you do it you will now
be able to coach people who do the exact
now I’ve got a really special bonus Mel
Robbins clip on how to reframe negative
patterns and strategies but before that
I want to make sure that you were
getting value from this video and you’re
taking action not just watching another
video so I’ve got three questions
homework for you to think about as
you’ve gone through this video question
number one what’s an honest truth about
yourself that you need to recognize and
live more question number two what is
your heart telling you that you need to
do that you are not doing and question
number three what can you commit to
trying to do for the next week that is
outside your usual routine you can write
down the answers yourself talk about it
with a friend or leave it down the
comments below the most important part
is we’re moving from just consuming to
actually taking action in our lives and
businesses thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
stand that you can find people to
support you you will always find people
to criticize you watch though how when
somebody outside of you criticizes you
how that triggers the internal pattern
so what is the pattern that you have of
thinking that gets triggered that
disempowers you that I won’t have any
words you won’t have any words let’s go
deeper than that is it something about
being loved or being unworthy or not
being good enough what is underneath I
won’t have the words yeah they won’t be
the right words and I it won’t be good
enough yeah okay and so do you have an
opinion that you’re not good enough or
not deserving of success or that you’re
not smart enough to make a difference
yeah
what is the one what is what is the
thing that hooks you that you say to
yourself that I’m stupid there okay
there we go
that’s a good one not a good one but you
know what I mean that’s a good one
because that’s my baby okay I’m a piece
of
now we’re talking yeah that’s the big
one who told you that when did you start
believing that little girl yeah just
been saying it for so long I don’t know
that’s okay she said I’ve been saying it
for so long I don’t know as you now know
what you’re looking for you’re gonna
start to connect the dots okay and so
here’s the thing at some point you
started telling yourself whatever I’m a
piece as a strategy you did it on
purpose as a youngster as a way to
survive things that were happening
because maybe when you said while I’m a
piece of you actually got really quiet
and you didn’t get hit or maybe when you
said that you removed yourself from
situations when you would have been
abused or something it worked because it
protected you as weird as it sounds yeah
is that but are you seeing something
what are you seeing well yeah my dad
didn’t want but he wanted me to be quiet
in the corner being quiet yes they
couldn’t make noise and
okay right and if you got if you raised
your voice you got in trouble so do you
guys see the link now between why she
has a concern about finding her words oh
yeah I didn’t get that one you see that
now yeah so every time that you are in a
situation where you need to speak up how
many of you relating to this by the way
I have a theory about all of us that we
have patterns and strategies that we
would be created when we were little in
order to survive situations and what she
internalized was don’t speak up and
you’re a piece of sh you do and believe
me that protected your ass it worked
because you didn’t speak up and you
didn’t get in trouble with your dad
right and I still got the love so if I
speak up now do you see this so this is
a pattern that got written when she was
little and it was written by someone
else and it worked it worked the problem
is now that your it’s not working now
not working now and see cake exactly and
so this is what’s fascinating about all
this there are places in your life where
you have patterns that you don’t even
recognize that were strategies that you
developed when you were a kid and so in
the areas where you’re really frustrated
that pattern is probably not present or
conscious something that you’re aware of
and so every single time because you’ve
been repeating this and repeating and
repeating it every single time you’re
about to hit play every single time
you’re gonna stand on a stage what’s
going to be right there is don’t speak
up your yes freeze and you’re gonna go 5
4 3 2 1
the only thing – that actually overrides
this pattern is to speak and through
speaking you will see that you’re not a
piece of you actually has something to
say or you could make fun of it and say
well I guess I’m just a piece of
that’s right and I also like the
strategy of kind of making the fun of
the stuff even the heavy stuff because
it loses its grip on me it works for me
it may not work for you but it’s
something to try
now turistic world domination honey
Empire right I’m grateful I understand
why I’m here I think because I am so
open I wanted to think I see
it’s a bloody brief life all of you have
the potential for enormous success if
you want to know what gary vee DJ khalid
oprah and others know about empire
building that most people miss check out
the link in the description for a free bonus video
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