we’ll use the back of this couch here
your this is you get a filling head sure
maybe I don’t even know this gonna be
worth while but we’ll say this the best
way to get about it get started anything
is to be willing to work for free yeah
internships like to me on the path to
anything and a lot of people come just
to hear what they already want to hear
like codify this into five principle
that can apply to my life I know so many
people who think they can appeal to
everyone by being generic and Universal
and you appeal to nobody he’s an
American author journalist and
ghostwriter he’s best known for his
best-selling book the game penetrating
the secret society of pickup artists
he’s a contributing editor for Rolling
Stone and also writes regularly for the
New York Times he’s Neil Strauss and
here’s my take on his top ten rules of
success rule number two is my personal
favorite and make sure to stick around
all the way to the end of some special
bonus clips also his needle is talking
if he says something that really
resonates with you please leave in the
comments below and put quotes around it
so other people can be inspired as well
enjoy
[Music]
here’s my advice just choose anything it
doesn’t even matter just choose anything
so here’s an example if you so I wish I
could almost draw it but I’ll tell you
what like let’s see what can I use is
that we’ll use the back of this couch
here your this is you get a filling head
sure maybe I don’t even know this gonna
be worth while but we’ll say this try it
this is you right and you’re like I
don’t know what to do I’m not sure what
to do and you just you’re just sit or
sitting here doing nothing right this
little white stain I don’t know what it
is this Lamar Burton’s back sweat okay
that is a levar Wofford’s it could be
anyone’s sweat right there so so that’s
it a little piece of sweat toiling and
trying to decide what to do but then
just choose frigging anything let’s just
say oh I want to be an actor just who
cares maybe you don’t I don’t know just
choose the one thing so you choose one
thing and now you have a goal right just
choose a goal doesn’t matter now maybe
you’re gonna start going to auditions
you’re going to auditions and then wait
you got a job but it’s a voiceover work
it’s or maybe it’s on radio you get a
little radio gig right so now you’re
like oh radio is fun I’m going to be a
radio host and that’s your next goal and
then then you get a call to do like a
voiceover on a cartoon or something here
you’re like okay I’ll be a cartoon voice
and guess what now you’re actually
moving and maybe you will end up being a
you know the the voice of whatever you
know on the next Pixar movie or
something like that
Eugene Mirman is the voice and Bob’s
Burgers yeah yeah exactly along with a
yeah there’s so many good at John H John
Benjamin is a oh he was awesome home
movies right anyway but the point is
like just just choose one thing to move
toward and then the path and then just
go with the path and you’ll end up
somewhere if you stand here trying to
decide what to do you’ll still be here
in a year two years three years four
days just choose something you’re kind
of like and don’t hate and then start
moving toward it and you’ll find that
the course and path of life will bring
you exactly we were supposed to be so
you’ve sort of arrived at these
different approaches to writing what was
the first to your mind like the first
writing piece that you did they kind of
put you on the map we’re not like I’ve
arrived but you’re like okay I actually
I actually could make this work I could
actually really be good at this or wow I
get I just got recognition for this
piece I mean was were there any sort of
defining moments and you’re in your
career as a writer yeah I think I mean I
don’t know I’m not yeah the other things
that I remember I remember
like I was like but by the way the best
way to get about it get started anything
is to be willing to work for free yeah
internships like to me on the path to
anything and I mean I really think being
there’s definitely a lot of people who
are entitled basically I have so much to
say but anyway yeah if you want to if
you want to live in your passion
whatever your passion is you have to be
willing to not make money at it and want
to do what you love you got to do you
have do you have a choice you can choose
money or you can choose what you love
that Joseph Campbell has a great quote
that I always use I don’t know you guys
know this the just just beautiful so the
idea here what the thousand yeah the
great kind of professor of mythology but
he said the the insecure if you guys
realistic insecure way is the secure way
you guys have heard that quote and what
it means basically is you know my
parents and I’m sure like most people’s
parents say get a good job try to make
some money make a good living yeah and
because I think that’s secure if you
make go and make money but if you do a
job you make money lose that job you
know then you lose the money you have
nothing right right where he says if you
choose your passion yeah actually is
matter when you make money to lose money
because you’re always gonna have your
passion be happy so it doesn’t actually
matter not your safety net right and and
but the challenge of that is that it
might be eight years or four years
before you’re actually making a living
at it yeah versus versus something else
there’s four things when someone gives
you feedback or criticism however its
intended whether ill or positive and so
one is not to take it in but to kind of
catch it I think of like a catcher’s
mitt if you tell me something you come
across this way I’ll grab it and then I
look at it and I’ll think okay is it
true if it’s true cool I’ll put it in
and learn from it I think it’s not true
cool I’ll throw it away no harm no foul
I’m not going to dwell on it right and I
think everybody needs this in this world
because we’re all on most of us are in
social media and we’re all getting like
you know all our thoughts are getting
picked apart you know all the times who
really need this more than ever then the
third one is you get it and it’s a maybe
well I’m not sure you said this about me
I’m not sure you know what do you guys
think you know what do you think I lost
my friends and asked other people and
get some feedback and if it’s true well
cool maybe I’ll learn from if everyone’s
like this is total nonsense ignore that
dude I throw it out but then there’s a
fourth one and this is where the real
growth is you know what the fourth one
is I don’t the fourth one is you get it
you throw it out
I’m talking to you and I may be later
I’m talking to you know you
it and I’m like now it’s not sure I
throw it out and then later I’m talking
to someone else I get it it’s a third
time it’s come back to me after that I’m
like wait maybe I got to take this thing
a little more seriously and it becomes
it maybe and then it becomes a yes and
that’s when the big real thing is
because you kept ignoring this thing
that was in your face so the best
feedback like where you really grow is
you keep getting the same feedback you
keep dismissing it at some point you say
wait maybe they have something so one
way I do this is I get together a group
of people and we sit together once a
week and talk about the stuff going on
our lives
I find group therapy really powerful
because it’s just one-on-one I think
just say I disagree with you but when
four or five people are saying hey dude
no you’re really coming off like that or
you’re really having this problem your
relationship and maybe need to look at
it and five people are saying it like
it’s pretty hard to dismiss them I know
a lot of my friends are written really
really successful books and even I wrote
a book called the game which has
probably sold like million millions of
copies and really when I wrote it I
thought nobody would read it I thought
nobody would read it but I thought this
story is so crazy I just have to tell
this story so these things that seem you
can spend all your time trying to
engineer the perfect thing and the truth
is we have no control we just don’t know
what’s going to work or what’s not going
to work so so so for example a lot of
marketers say to follow your audience
see what your audience wants the problem
with following your audience for those
of you who even have audiences already
I’m steaming it can become a trap
because all your audience knows is what
you’ve done in the past they don’t know
what you were you’re going to do in the
future so if you’re following your
audience you’re already trapped you know
your audience should be following you as
you move forward through life and it
gets harder and again because I talk to
so many musicians you think okay is it
true that as musicians artists get older
they just don’t get as good because
they’re not young and in touch anymore
it’s not really true what happens is
they get trapped in their own success
they get trapped into what their
audience wants of them and they get
trapped in having responsibilities so
sort of being in touch with you and
going where you want to go and not being
afraid of leave people behind is what’s
going to actually make you a leader
here’s the secret to life don’t take it
personally not just for pickup but for
life in general
everyone’s a jerk to you someday and you
and when someone’s an asshole and
screwed and bumps into you and says
stuff it’s not about you it’s you know
he’s a jerk
if you have a day and you lose your job
and your girlfriend breaks up with you
and you crash your car the world doesn’t
hate you you just had a bad day so same
thing it’ll make life so much easier if
you don’t take it personally which means
that as you go in this world your
friends are not going to tell you the
truth about the really things that are
really wrong with yourself so as you
enter this world and you talk to guys
you’re going to find out what your
problems are and what they aren’t when
they tell it to you don’t take it
personally you think about it and you
got to have this filter inside I think
this is what allowed me to excel you
have to have this filter inside that
takes in all criticism not personally
and not judgmentally you take in the
criticism you think is that true and you
take a hard look at yourself and if it’s
true you work to solve it and change it
if it’s not true you just throw it out
and move out because you go there we’re
here because we’re admitting we need
something better in our lives we’re here
because we’re emitting we’re a little
bit broken some we need to learn we
haven’t so as you do it you want to take
in all the criticism it comes in and
work on what you need to work on so it
don’t take it personally how do you
think of yourself how do you describe
yourself I think about this because
words matter and and and I know that
we’re all becoming a bunch of – Zico a
photographer a director an entrepreneur
I’m getting tired of it how do you
describe yourself I mean I had to said
like one thing maybe would be a
storyteller I just like to tell really
great compelling stories that if it’s a
book you can’t put it down if it’s a
movie or TV show you can’t turn it off
so to me it’s the artist storytelling
which i think is probably one of the
oldest human art forms there is yeah
caveman times I like sitting around the
fire and even like that’s what cave
paintings are right there’s scratching
out a story and I always encourage
people this is probably true for for
people listening right now that people
love to read nonfiction they want to get
a book that’s going to tell them what to
do and a bulleted list of what the
shooters are supposed to do but I really
believe that the mine were learns
through metaphor right that story
telling us to learn how do you learn the
rules of your tribe or your culture or
the world or about being a human being
you learn
through metaphor I really think we
undervalue storytelling this like
quick-fix culture ooh
when Tim said I’m a you know I’m very
methodical about time management because
it’s so hard to do so the first thing I
can I’ll give you a couple important
life changing tips for anyone trying
something creative on the computer so
number one thing there’s it is a no
email morning like number one thing is
there’s a program called freedom that I
downloaded then and it says you know I
love the word freedom because that’s
really what it is has how many minutes
of freedom do you want you say whatever
it is 90 minutes and then you cannot
actually access the internet for 90
minutes there’s no unlock code people
are gasping you’re all going to use it
yeah there’s no unlock codes the first
thing I do is a is foam I give to
someone else or put it in a drawer
somewhere it’s best if I give it to
someone else
internet goes off and I commit to that
amount of a certain amount of time so so
so so so so my thing is that is
compartmentalizing they’re going to
check your email check it from 4:00 to
5:00 I don’t have that there’s a someone
wrote a book which I never read that’s
called never check your email in the
morning you don’t I don’t know if you
agree or not but just know the title and
its really great no it’s great but the
thing is with time is to become
proactive a lot of time instead of
reactive because I know so many people
you can’t do anything because you’re
getting a you know message on Facebook
and then you’re getting a you know an
email and then you’re just reacting to
that cuz it feels like you’re getting
something done at the end of the day you
got nothing done yeah so I what my thing
is that really and everyone knows that
I’m proactive about that two-degree that
um by the way at have Facebook and
Twitter block to my computer what I did
is I downloaded in tango content but uh
because it content barrier whatever it
is there’s never any time can be used it
yeah net net and I think you don’t like
a block specific site yeah and I had
someone else put in their password for
those sites so I’d even know the
password so I couldn’t get to Twitter or
Facebook if I tried so finding those
things that are those are those and
putting walls between you and them or
limiting them in certain ways there’s
one other thing was going to say was um
Oh which is friends can be a pain in the
haps if you’re trying to be creative and
if you have more than seven friends I
never want to see one day a week what do
you do yeah so another thing I want to
say is that I do a Wednesday night
dinner party yeah so if my friends want
to see me I’m like right Wednesday
someone wants a meeting I’m not sure
about Wednesday night so Wednesday night
we we all go to a restaurant
and and basically whoever I want to see
or catch up on I’ll see them there and
then maybe afterward I’ll break off with
my closer friends but that way I can see
every one people who want to meet with I
don’t want to really take the time for a
lunch or meeting one-on-one I just bring
them there if I like them I talk to a
bunch I don’t go away humility is the
most important thing you can have for
change if you really want to have a big
change like a lot of people come just
hear what they already want to hear like
codify this into five principles that
can apply to my life but you know key or
codify as the word and I’ll cut off I
I’ll codify some self-awareness for you
but um but humility to recognize you
know what got you here won’t get you
there as the saying goes right and to
say to say at some point if you really
want to change you’re really stuck I
know nothing I’m letting go of
everything
and I’m sort of going to relearn as like
a with a childlike mind we treat
ourselves forward we talk to ourselves
in ways that we would never ever allow a
stranger to talk to us right we there’s
some if you like dividing something here
want up to you and sit you’re not eating
you’ve got nothing good to say
so why do I allow ourself to talk to her
yourself right so there’s sort of a
message I can give you guys today and
sensor to help you get over approach
anxiety is temper treating yourself the
way you want that person or potion
treatment right
she says she’s had to say and it happens
me and you’re telling yourself so you
have nothing to fear anymore right
because we’ve already give yourself the
worst of it and I want to be like the
one thing this whole begin would be to
stop talking yourself this way sir
promotion has its corresponding action
you may be able to fear rejection right
but where is that coming from if you
person like you were saying earlier if
you’re giving someone more worth in
value higher status than yourself and
you’re less than them
what’s that saying that Shan Shan what
who you are transy you’re not worthy to
talk to us first change that this person
saw us and have some power over you
we’re going to hurt you that you’re not
enough
they’re not rich enough you’re not
socially comfortable they’re too long
whatever it is that Shanga love who you
are and what happens right your shame
when you walk it in turns to joy
so the overall idea is if you can
approach from a place of joy you also
just enjoy the simple place of shame you
will have to work inside that’s what we
call what I call it a call back within
Indian state you know being stained it’s
just what really just having joy they
were all things if you walk out you’re
like okay all right there all these
people and they’re going to approve of
me they approve of me I feel good about
myself but they don’t approve them have
a vision about myself and I’m going to
go out and put my self esteem in the
hands very stranger I talk to you’re
just setting yourself up for trouble
you can push past it using a lot of
stuff we’re going to talk about that
you’re starting off with the judge I
don’t hold anything back when someone
asked Heidi earlier what what what had
really worked for her she was like I
think you said like show you sharing my
feelings is that what you said and I
find that so many good when they’re
going to write they just want to show
like a glorified side of themselves that
everyone can relate to
there’s a quote from Carl Rogers the
psychologist who says the personal is
the universal I know so many people
think they can appeal to everyone by
being generic and universal and you
appeal to nobody but if you talk from
your heart and you say the most personal
stuff the stuff you’re scared by the way
the only book reads my books I think are
successful is cuz I say this that I’m
too scared to tell my friends or tell
people somehow I can write it and when
you write it people help people read oh
yeah I relate to that no one said that
before but that’s exactly what I’m what
I’m going through so don’t hold don’t
don’t hold back there’s a difference
between just vomiting emotionally all
over the page you still has to be entry
file the number one rule being
interesting right but uh but the stuff
you’re too scared to tell everyone
that’s the stuff you should be writing
about and ensuring and that thought you
think maybe is going to get you unliked
and it’s a scary time right now and they
in the culture because everything we get
instant feedback on everything right
everything we write we get instant
feedback we know everybody’s opinion
which which if you don’t have a
rock-solid sense of who you are and what
you’re doing
can lead to just trying to conform and
be liked and I promise you I wrote a
book called everyone loves you when
you’re dead and the reason it was the
interviews with celebrities because when
you’re dead you’re no longer competition
as long as you’re here right if no one
if no one doesn’t like what you’re doing
then you’re probably not doing anything
interesting right if everything is it’s
getting only positive feedback then
you’re probably not doing anything new
or interesting right so let let some
negativity be a sign that’s okay good
I’m actually saying something new and
something something meaningful
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because James Esler
asked me to so if there’s a famous
entrepreneur that you want me to profile
next leave in the comments below and
I’ll see what I can do I’d also love to
know what it Neal say that had the
biggest impact on you what lesson did
you take from this video that you’re
going to immediately apply to your life
or business leave in the comments I’m
going to join in the discussion finally
wanna give a quick shout out to Fanta
media thank you guys so much for picking
up a copy of my book your one word and
posting that great picture to Instagram
I really really really appreciate it so
thank you guys again for watching I
believe in you I hope you continue to
believe in yourself and whatever your
one where it is much love I’ll see you
soon
number one rule of writing is this
nobody cares nobody cares about you they
don’t care about your thoughts they
don’t care about your ideas they don’t
care about what you have to say what you
did yesterday or anything they do not
give a
and from there can you make them care
everything I write I assume that nobody
cares that they have no interest if I
start from that perspective and if I can
draw you in through the writing that’s
where the story begins so just assume
start by sitting nobody cares and how
can you draw them into your story or
your point number two then one way to
draw them in is something called open
loops there’s who here knows what an
open loop is closed end n1c the new
Doctor Strange movie then one scene that
cool Kelly you saw so is it good okay
but that’s an open loop an open loop was
iced ask you what open loop was and then
rather than explaining it I went on to
another subject and talked about dr.
strange or something
so an open loop is if I can start with
something that captures your attention
and ninety-eight percent he didn’t know
what an open loop is you’re probably
curious about it by now have been
talking for two minutes and still
haven’t explained it yet right an open
loop is his is at the top can I tell you
something that that you’re interested in
you want to know the answer to and waits
at the end how many times that we just
stayed through a really she movie to see
one of what happens at the end right you
know it can be the worst movie ever but
I want to know how that happened
right so nope so one is to use the idea
of open loops and and it’s true in
relationships you meet someone you have
a lot of common with you start telling
all these stories you want it to
continue so an open loop is a great way
to create intrigue because we’re we’re
creatures who love storytelling right
early early it’s storytelling as part of
our sort of our DNA so so creating open
loops at the top of a post or or earn a
book as it is really powerful so yeah
the best I say the best advice for
anyone wants to write a book is
literally the best way to write a book
is to have a looming impending deadline
with hard real-world consequences for
makes more mistakes guys all yeah
just EG hoc mistakes yeah you need to
fix like stakes I talked about I know
diet or
oh yes this is your my steaks steaks
like vampire steaks but for a
consequences yeah and I think that um
that’s something that a media coach said
to me recently they’re like you got it
when you say steaks and you have a book
called the 4-hour chef they’re gonna
think you’re talking about steaks like
AHA but up but I think if you if you
can’t do you manufacture you talk about
stick calm and yeah and things like that
but I really know that that literally
you know Tim’s always Tim will be
calling and I’ll be calling Tim saying I
gotta get this in I got like three
months I can’t do but if literally if we
didn’t have those deadlines you went to
written people never come out of time it
would never happen yeah so so you have
to so I’ll do that if a friend of mine
wants to write a book and they want me
to proofread or take a look at I’ll say
I’ll take a look at it but what date are
gonna get it done by cuz I may hold you
to and they’ll say January I said if
it’s not done by the end of March you
know I’m not gonna read your book at all
no matter what yeah so I’ll give
consequences and deadlines to my friends
it’s a good way to write is to really if
you don’t have a publisher or a deal or
something like that find some real
consequences that’s externally imposed
you have to learn from your mistakes no
see I have this attitude that no
situation is impossible there is nothing
impossible there just continued season
and obstacles to get around so if I went
out and I’m just trying to think of
obstacles let’s just say you did an
opener and she’d heard it already you
did your line she heard her already
because your friend just approached her
with the ten minutes ago do you run
screaming it may be that happens the
first time the second time you say if
that happens again what do I do you say
oh my god you must have mind my friend
that’s really funny we were just talking
about that BAM problem solved whatever
it may be
say you any problem has a solution so I
kind of had that attitude you know what
if she’s with eight guys what if you
know she is on her way out the door any
problem is going to have a solution so
you have to have that attitude and if
something goes wrong and I’m saying this
in a positive way not a negative
self-esteem way just something goes
wrong it’s always your fault that’s what
I feel like without being hard of myself
if something goes wrong it’s never her
fault
she’s not a bitch she is not mean she is
not uptight I did something wrong to
make her uncomfortable
so for example with the openers I would
start walking up and saying hey guys I
want to get it opinion
something I got this question I’m trying
to ask and I start asking it by the
notice they were they weren’t really
listening they were tuning me out
they’re kind of giving a bad lot body
language so I realized what are they
thinking why is that happening what’s
happening because I’m standing around
they don’t know what I’m going to leave
so I added what’s called a time
constraint I’d walk in I’d say hey guys
want to get a quick opinion on something
by the way it can only stay for a second
because I got to rejoin my friends over
there you know problem solved
so every anytime something went wrong or
was that coming up maybe I would do
everything and I felt like I was doing
it perfectly but people weren’t
interested well I was doing it doing all
the right things but I was doing it in a
very needy way a lot of people read the
material and they’ll say this doesn’t
work everything works
what I say is gonna be different than
what what zan says and different than
what someone else says it all works you
just have to do it right so for example
the opinion openers we’re talking about
an opinion openers how you start a
conversation if you go and say can I ask
you a question on something and then
they say no we’re talking get lost
well the opinion opers don’t work you
just did it wrong you walk in you say
hey guys I want to ask a quick question
on something now you haven’t asked them
I guess no question and it’s going to
work so there’s so many little
subtleties did that make sense okay so
there’s so many I saw someone looking at
me strangely there’s something a little
subtle as they get to work in and it’s
always always gonna be your fault if
it’s not working not in a negative way
now and being a hard on yourself it’s
it’s feedback so you can improve
yourself that whole idea there’s no such
thing as failure
they’re only learning lessons that’s
what I did but you know what I’m a guy
who’s hard of myself but I’m hard on
myself because it makes me excel usually
your this is you get a filling head sure
maybe I don’t even know this gonna be
worth while but we’ll say this the best
way to get about it get started anything
is to be willing to work for free yeah
internships like to me on the path to
anything and a lot of people come just
to hear what they already want to hear
like codify this into five principle
that can apply to my life I know so many
people who think they can appeal to
everyone by being generic and Universal
and you appeal to nobody he’s an
American author journalist and
ghostwriter he’s best known for his
best-selling book the game penetrating
the secret society of pickup artists
he’s a contributing editor for Rolling
Stone and also writes regularly for the
New York Times he’s Neil Strauss and
here’s my take on his top ten rules of
success rule number two is my personal
favorite and make sure to stick around
all the way to the end of some special
bonus clips also his needle is talking
if he says something that really
resonates with you please leave in the
comments below and put quotes around it
so other people can be inspired as well
enjoy
[Music]
here’s my advice just choose anything it
doesn’t even matter just choose anything
so here’s an example if you so I wish I
could almost draw it but I’ll tell you
what like let’s see what can I use is
that we’ll use the back of this couch
here your this is you get a filling head
sure maybe I don’t even know this gonna
be worth while but we’ll say this try it
this is you right and you’re like I
don’t know what to do I’m not sure what
to do and you just you’re just sit or
sitting here doing nothing right this
little white stain I don’t know what it
is this Lamar Burton’s back sweat okay
that is a levar Wofford’s it could be
anyone’s sweat right there so so that’s
it a little piece of sweat toiling and
trying to decide what to do but then
just choose frigging anything let’s just
say oh I want to be an actor just who
cares maybe you don’t I don’t know just
choose the one thing so you choose one
thing and now you have a goal right just
choose a goal doesn’t matter now maybe
you’re gonna start going to auditions
you’re going to auditions and then wait
you got a job but it’s a voiceover work
it’s or maybe it’s on radio you get a
little radio gig right so now you’re
like oh radio is fun I’m going to be a
radio host and that’s your next goal and
then then you get a call to do like a
voiceover on a cartoon or something here
you’re like okay I’ll be a cartoon voice
and guess what now you’re actually
moving and maybe you will end up being a
you know the the voice of whatever you
know on the next Pixar movie or
something like that
Eugene Mirman is the voice and Bob’s
Burgers yeah yeah exactly along with a
yeah there’s so many good at John H John
Benjamin is a oh he was awesome home
movies right anyway but the point is
like just just choose one thing to move
toward and then the path and then just
go with the path and you’ll end up
somewhere if you stand here trying to
decide what to do you’ll still be here
in a year two years three years four
days just choose something you’re kind
of like and don’t hate and then start
moving toward it and you’ll find that
the course and path of life will bring
you exactly we were supposed to be so
you’ve sort of arrived at these
different approaches to writing what was
the first to your mind like the first
writing piece that you did they kind of
put you on the map we’re not like I’ve
arrived but you’re like okay I actually
I actually could make this work I could
actually really be good at this or wow I
get I just got recognition for this
piece I mean was were there any sort of
defining moments and you’re in your
career as a writer yeah I think I mean I
don’t know I’m not yeah the other things
that I remember I remember
like I was like but by the way the best
way to get about it get started anything
is to be willing to work for free yeah
internships like to me on the path to
anything and I mean I really think being
there’s definitely a lot of people who
are entitled basically I have so much to
say but anyway yeah if you want to if
you want to live in your passion
whatever your passion is you have to be
willing to not make money at it and want
to do what you love you got to do you
have do you have a choice you can choose
money or you can choose what you love
that Joseph Campbell has a great quote
that I always use I don’t know you guys
know this the just just beautiful so the
idea here what the thousand yeah the
great kind of professor of mythology but
he said the the insecure if you guys
realistic insecure way is the secure way
you guys have heard that quote and what
it means basically is you know my
parents and I’m sure like most people’s
parents say get a good job try to make
some money make a good living yeah and
because I think that’s secure if you
make go and make money but if you do a
job you make money lose that job you
know then you lose the money you have
nothing right right where he says if you
choose your passion yeah actually is
matter when you make money to lose money
because you’re always gonna have your
passion be happy so it doesn’t actually
matter not your safety net right and and
but the challenge of that is that it
might be eight years or four years
before you’re actually making a living
at it yeah versus versus something else
there’s four things when someone gives
you feedback or criticism however its
intended whether ill or positive and so
one is not to take it in but to kind of
catch it I think of like a catcher’s
mitt if you tell me something you come
across this way I’ll grab it and then I
look at it and I’ll think okay is it
true if it’s true cool I’ll put it in
and learn from it I think it’s not true
cool I’ll throw it away no harm no foul
I’m not going to dwell on it right and I
think everybody needs this in this world
because we’re all on most of us are in
social media and we’re all getting like
you know all our thoughts are getting
picked apart you know all the times who
really need this more than ever then the
third one is you get it and it’s a maybe
well I’m not sure you said this about me
I’m not sure you know what do you guys
think you know what do you think I lost
my friends and asked other people and
get some feedback and if it’s true well
cool maybe I’ll learn from if everyone’s
like this is total nonsense ignore that
dude I throw it out but then there’s a
fourth one and this is where the real
growth is you know what the fourth one
is I don’t the fourth one is you get it
you throw it out
I’m talking to you and I may be later
I’m talking to you know you
it and I’m like now it’s not sure I
throw it out and then later I’m talking
to someone else I get it it’s a third
time it’s come back to me after that I’m
like wait maybe I got to take this thing
a little more seriously and it becomes
it maybe and then it becomes a yes and
that’s when the big real thing is
because you kept ignoring this thing
that was in your face so the best
feedback like where you really grow is
you keep getting the same feedback you
keep dismissing it at some point you say
wait maybe they have something so one
way I do this is I get together a group
of people and we sit together once a
week and talk about the stuff going on
our lives
I find group therapy really powerful
because it’s just one-on-one I think
just say I disagree with you but when
four or five people are saying hey dude
no you’re really coming off like that or
you’re really having this problem your
relationship and maybe need to look at
it and five people are saying it like
it’s pretty hard to dismiss them I know
a lot of my friends are written really
really successful books and even I wrote
a book called the game which has
probably sold like million millions of
copies and really when I wrote it I
thought nobody would read it I thought
nobody would read it but I thought this
story is so crazy I just have to tell
this story so these things that seem you
can spend all your time trying to
engineer the perfect thing and the truth
is we have no control we just don’t know
what’s going to work or what’s not going
to work so so so for example a lot of
marketers say to follow your audience
see what your audience wants the problem
with following your audience for those
of you who even have audiences already
I’m steaming it can become a trap
because all your audience knows is what
you’ve done in the past they don’t know
what you were you’re going to do in the
future so if you’re following your
audience you’re already trapped you know
your audience should be following you as
you move forward through life and it
gets harder and again because I talk to
so many musicians you think okay is it
true that as musicians artists get older
they just don’t get as good because
they’re not young and in touch anymore
it’s not really true what happens is
they get trapped in their own success
they get trapped into what their
audience wants of them and they get
trapped in having responsibilities so
sort of being in touch with you and
going where you want to go and not being
afraid of leave people behind is what’s
going to actually make you a leader
here’s the secret to life don’t take it
personally not just for pickup but for
life in general
everyone’s a jerk to you someday and you
and when someone’s an asshole and
screwed and bumps into you and says
stuff it’s not about you it’s you know
he’s a jerk
if you have a day and you lose your job
and your girlfriend breaks up with you
and you crash your car the world doesn’t
hate you you just had a bad day so same
thing it’ll make life so much easier if
you don’t take it personally which means
that as you go in this world your
friends are not going to tell you the
truth about the really things that are
really wrong with yourself so as you
enter this world and you talk to guys
you’re going to find out what your
problems are and what they aren’t when
they tell it to you don’t take it
personally you think about it and you
got to have this filter inside I think
this is what allowed me to excel you
have to have this filter inside that
takes in all criticism not personally
and not judgmentally you take in the
criticism you think is that true and you
take a hard look at yourself and if it’s
true you work to solve it and change it
if it’s not true you just throw it out
and move out because you go there we’re
here because we’re admitting we need
something better in our lives we’re here
because we’re emitting we’re a little
bit broken some we need to learn we
haven’t so as you do it you want to take
in all the criticism it comes in and
work on what you need to work on so it
don’t take it personally how do you
think of yourself how do you describe
yourself I think about this because
words matter and and and I know that
we’re all becoming a bunch of – Zico a
photographer a director an entrepreneur
I’m getting tired of it how do you
describe yourself I mean I had to said
like one thing maybe would be a
storyteller I just like to tell really
great compelling stories that if it’s a
book you can’t put it down if it’s a
movie or TV show you can’t turn it off
so to me it’s the artist storytelling
which i think is probably one of the
oldest human art forms there is yeah
caveman times I like sitting around the
fire and even like that’s what cave
paintings are right there’s scratching
out a story and I always encourage
people this is probably true for for
people listening right now that people
love to read nonfiction they want to get
a book that’s going to tell them what to
do and a bulleted list of what the
shooters are supposed to do but I really
believe that the mine were learns
through metaphor right that story
telling us to learn how do you learn the
rules of your tribe or your culture or
the world or about being a human being
you learn
through metaphor I really think we
undervalue storytelling this like
quick-fix culture ooh
when Tim said I’m a you know I’m very
methodical about time management because
it’s so hard to do so the first thing I
can I’ll give you a couple important
life changing tips for anyone trying
something creative on the computer so
number one thing there’s it is a no
email morning like number one thing is
there’s a program called freedom that I
downloaded then and it says you know I
love the word freedom because that’s
really what it is has how many minutes
of freedom do you want you say whatever
it is 90 minutes and then you cannot
actually access the internet for 90
minutes there’s no unlock code people
are gasping you’re all going to use it
yeah there’s no unlock codes the first
thing I do is a is foam I give to
someone else or put it in a drawer
somewhere it’s best if I give it to
someone else
internet goes off and I commit to that
amount of a certain amount of time so so
so so so so my thing is that is
compartmentalizing they’re going to
check your email check it from 4:00 to
5:00 I don’t have that there’s a someone
wrote a book which I never read that’s
called never check your email in the
morning you don’t I don’t know if you
agree or not but just know the title and
its really great no it’s great but the
thing is with time is to become
proactive a lot of time instead of
reactive because I know so many people
you can’t do anything because you’re
getting a you know message on Facebook
and then you’re getting a you know an
email and then you’re just reacting to
that cuz it feels like you’re getting
something done at the end of the day you
got nothing done yeah so I what my thing
is that really and everyone knows that
I’m proactive about that two-degree that
um by the way at have Facebook and
Twitter block to my computer what I did
is I downloaded in tango content but uh
because it content barrier whatever it
is there’s never any time can be used it
yeah net net and I think you don’t like
a block specific site yeah and I had
someone else put in their password for
those sites so I’d even know the
password so I couldn’t get to Twitter or
Facebook if I tried so finding those
things that are those are those and
putting walls between you and them or
limiting them in certain ways there’s
one other thing was going to say was um
Oh which is friends can be a pain in the
haps if you’re trying to be creative and
if you have more than seven friends I
never want to see one day a week what do
you do yeah so another thing I want to
say is that I do a Wednesday night
dinner party yeah so if my friends want
to see me I’m like right Wednesday
someone wants a meeting I’m not sure
about Wednesday night so Wednesday night
we we all go to a restaurant
and and basically whoever I want to see
or catch up on I’ll see them there and
then maybe afterward I’ll break off with
my closer friends but that way I can see
every one people who want to meet with I
don’t want to really take the time for a
lunch or meeting one-on-one I just bring
them there if I like them I talk to a
bunch I don’t go away humility is the
most important thing you can have for
change if you really want to have a big
change like a lot of people come just
hear what they already want to hear like
codify this into five principles that
can apply to my life but you know key or
codify as the word and I’ll cut off I
I’ll codify some self-awareness for you
but um but humility to recognize you
know what got you here won’t get you
there as the saying goes right and to
say to say at some point if you really
want to change you’re really stuck I
know nothing I’m letting go of
everything
and I’m sort of going to relearn as like
a with a childlike mind we treat
ourselves forward we talk to ourselves
in ways that we would never ever allow a
stranger to talk to us right we there’s
some if you like dividing something here
want up to you and sit you’re not eating
you’ve got nothing good to say
so why do I allow ourself to talk to her
yourself right so there’s sort of a
message I can give you guys today and
sensor to help you get over approach
anxiety is temper treating yourself the
way you want that person or potion
treatment right
she says she’s had to say and it happens
me and you’re telling yourself so you
have nothing to fear anymore right
because we’ve already give yourself the
worst of it and I want to be like the
one thing this whole begin would be to
stop talking yourself this way sir
promotion has its corresponding action
you may be able to fear rejection right
but where is that coming from if you
person like you were saying earlier if
you’re giving someone more worth in
value higher status than yourself and
you’re less than them
what’s that saying that Shan Shan what
who you are transy you’re not worthy to
talk to us first change that this person
saw us and have some power over you
we’re going to hurt you that you’re not
enough
they’re not rich enough you’re not
socially comfortable they’re too long
whatever it is that Shanga love who you
are and what happens right your shame
when you walk it in turns to joy
so the overall idea is if you can
approach from a place of joy you also
just enjoy the simple place of shame you
will have to work inside that’s what we
call what I call it a call back within
Indian state you know being stained it’s
just what really just having joy they
were all things if you walk out you’re
like okay all right there all these
people and they’re going to approve of
me they approve of me I feel good about
myself but they don’t approve them have
a vision about myself and I’m going to
go out and put my self esteem in the
hands very stranger I talk to you’re
just setting yourself up for trouble
you can push past it using a lot of
stuff we’re going to talk about that
you’re starting off with the judge I
don’t hold anything back when someone
asked Heidi earlier what what what had
really worked for her she was like I
think you said like show you sharing my
feelings is that what you said and I
find that so many good when they’re
going to write they just want to show
like a glorified side of themselves that
everyone can relate to
there’s a quote from Carl Rogers the
psychologist who says the personal is
the universal I know so many people
think they can appeal to everyone by
being generic and universal and you
appeal to nobody but if you talk from
your heart and you say the most personal
stuff the stuff you’re scared by the way
the only book reads my books I think are
successful is cuz I say this that I’m
too scared to tell my friends or tell
people somehow I can write it and when
you write it people help people read oh
yeah I relate to that no one said that
before but that’s exactly what I’m what
I’m going through so don’t hold don’t
don’t hold back there’s a difference
between just vomiting emotionally all
over the page you still has to be entry
file the number one rule being
interesting right but uh but the stuff
you’re too scared to tell everyone
that’s the stuff you should be writing
about and ensuring and that thought you
think maybe is going to get you unliked
and it’s a scary time right now and they
in the culture because everything we get
instant feedback on everything right
everything we write we get instant
feedback we know everybody’s opinion
which which if you don’t have a
rock-solid sense of who you are and what
you’re doing
can lead to just trying to conform and
be liked and I promise you I wrote a
book called everyone loves you when
you’re dead and the reason it was the
interviews with celebrities because when
you’re dead you’re no longer competition
as long as you’re here right if no one
if no one doesn’t like what you’re doing
then you’re probably not doing anything
interesting right if everything is it’s
getting only positive feedback then
you’re probably not doing anything new
or interesting right so let let some
negativity be a sign that’s okay good
I’m actually saying something new and
something something meaningful
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because James Esler
asked me to so if there’s a famous
entrepreneur that you want me to profile
next leave in the comments below and
I’ll see what I can do I’d also love to
know what it Neal say that had the
biggest impact on you what lesson did
you take from this video that you’re
going to immediately apply to your life
or business leave in the comments I’m
going to join in the discussion finally
wanna give a quick shout out to Fanta
media thank you guys so much for picking
up a copy of my book your one word and
posting that great picture to Instagram
I really really really appreciate it so
thank you guys again for watching I
believe in you I hope you continue to
believe in yourself and whatever your
one where it is much love I’ll see you
soon
number one rule of writing is this
nobody cares nobody cares about you they
don’t care about your thoughts they
don’t care about your ideas they don’t
care about what you have to say what you
did yesterday or anything they do not
give a
and from there can you make them care
everything I write I assume that nobody
cares that they have no interest if I
start from that perspective and if I can
draw you in through the writing that’s
where the story begins so just assume
start by sitting nobody cares and how
can you draw them into your story or
your point number two then one way to
draw them in is something called open
loops there’s who here knows what an
open loop is closed end n1c the new
Doctor Strange movie then one scene that
cool Kelly you saw so is it good okay
but that’s an open loop an open loop was
iced ask you what open loop was and then
rather than explaining it I went on to
another subject and talked about dr.
strange or something
so an open loop is if I can start with
something that captures your attention
and ninety-eight percent he didn’t know
what an open loop is you’re probably
curious about it by now have been
talking for two minutes and still
haven’t explained it yet right an open
loop is his is at the top can I tell you
something that that you’re interested in
you want to know the answer to and waits
at the end how many times that we just
stayed through a really she movie to see
one of what happens at the end right you
know it can be the worst movie ever but
I want to know how that happened
right so nope so one is to use the idea
of open loops and and it’s true in
relationships you meet someone you have
a lot of common with you start telling
all these stories you want it to
continue so an open loop is a great way
to create intrigue because we’re we’re
creatures who love storytelling right
early early it’s storytelling as part of
our sort of our DNA so so creating open
loops at the top of a post or or earn a
book as it is really powerful so yeah
the best I say the best advice for
anyone wants to write a book is
literally the best way to write a book
is to have a looming impending deadline
with hard real-world consequences for
makes more mistakes guys all yeah
just EG hoc mistakes yeah you need to
fix like stakes I talked about I know
diet or
oh yes this is your my steaks steaks
like vampire steaks but for a
consequences yeah and I think that um
that’s something that a media coach said
to me recently they’re like you got it
when you say steaks and you have a book
called the 4-hour chef they’re gonna
think you’re talking about steaks like
AHA but up but I think if you if you
can’t do you manufacture you talk about
stick calm and yeah and things like that
but I really know that that literally
you know Tim’s always Tim will be
calling and I’ll be calling Tim saying I
gotta get this in I got like three
months I can’t do but if literally if we
didn’t have those deadlines you went to
written people never come out of time it
would never happen yeah so so you have
to so I’ll do that if a friend of mine
wants to write a book and they want me
to proofread or take a look at I’ll say
I’ll take a look at it but what date are
gonna get it done by cuz I may hold you
to and they’ll say January I said if
it’s not done by the end of March you
know I’m not gonna read your book at all
no matter what yeah so I’ll give
consequences and deadlines to my friends
it’s a good way to write is to really if
you don’t have a publisher or a deal or
something like that find some real
consequences that’s externally imposed
you have to learn from your mistakes no
see I have this attitude that no
situation is impossible there is nothing
impossible there just continued season
and obstacles to get around so if I went
out and I’m just trying to think of
obstacles let’s just say you did an
opener and she’d heard it already you
did your line she heard her already
because your friend just approached her
with the ten minutes ago do you run
screaming it may be that happens the
first time the second time you say if
that happens again what do I do you say
oh my god you must have mind my friend
that’s really funny we were just talking
about that BAM problem solved whatever
it may be
say you any problem has a solution so I
kind of had that attitude you know what
if she’s with eight guys what if you
know she is on her way out the door any
problem is going to have a solution so
you have to have that attitude and if
something goes wrong and I’m saying this
in a positive way not a negative
self-esteem way just something goes
wrong it’s always your fault that’s what
I feel like without being hard of myself
if something goes wrong it’s never her
fault
she’s not a bitch she is not mean she is
not uptight I did something wrong to
make her uncomfortable
so for example with the openers I would
start walking up and saying hey guys I
want to get it opinion
something I got this question I’m trying
to ask and I start asking it by the
notice they were they weren’t really
listening they were tuning me out
they’re kind of giving a bad lot body
language so I realized what are they
thinking why is that happening what’s
happening because I’m standing around
they don’t know what I’m going to leave
so I added what’s called a time
constraint I’d walk in I’d say hey guys
want to get a quick opinion on something
by the way it can only stay for a second
because I got to rejoin my friends over
there you know problem solved
so every anytime something went wrong or
was that coming up maybe I would do
everything and I felt like I was doing
it perfectly but people weren’t
interested well I was doing it doing all
the right things but I was doing it in a
very needy way a lot of people read the
material and they’ll say this doesn’t
work everything works
what I say is gonna be different than
what what zan says and different than
what someone else says it all works you
just have to do it right so for example
the opinion openers we’re talking about
an opinion openers how you start a
conversation if you go and say can I ask
you a question on something and then
they say no we’re talking get lost
well the opinion opers don’t work you
just did it wrong you walk in you say
hey guys I want to ask a quick question
on something now you haven’t asked them
I guess no question and it’s going to
work so there’s so many little
subtleties did that make sense okay so
there’s so many I saw someone looking at
me strangely there’s something a little
subtle as they get to work in and it’s
always always gonna be your fault if
it’s not working not in a negative way
now and being a hard on yourself it’s
it’s feedback so you can improve
yourself that whole idea there’s no such
thing as failure
they’re only learning lessons that’s
what I did but you know what I’m a guy
who’s hard of myself but I’m hard on
myself because it makes me excel usually
Please follow and like us: