hello believe nation today I’m gonna
share with you my seven step process to
changing somebody’s limiting beliefs
this is a really important video for me
because the knowledge and I’m about to
give you are the things that I train my
team on that can be extremely powerful
that can have a really big impact on the
people around you friends family
co-workers staff but if you do it
incorrectly you could actually end up
causing more harm than good
and so I want to make sure I guide you
through the steps individually in that
you understand them before you start to
apply this because if you can really
figure this stuff out if you can really
be that person go and have this huge
impact on people’s lives to help them
overcome their limiting beliefs man the
impact that it will have and so before
getting to the seven what I believe is a
problem for a lot of people is people
play small people play down here
constant like most people play small
most people play smaller than where they
could be most of you are playing smaller
than where you could be even me I’m
playing smaller than where it could be
and you want to be up here and the
difference between being this small and
playing the big game is not the
strategies and not the tactics and not
the ideas and not the execution usually
it’s a limiting mindset and every time
I’ve made a big breakthrough in my
business and my career in my
relationships it’s been by breaking a
limiting belief that I had and so I’m
going to share with you those seven ways
to be able to help others through that
process
number one is create a comfortable
environment the conversation that you
are about to have with somebody is about
to get painful it’s about to get awkward
it’s about to get real it’s about to get
truthful and so you want to be able to
create the environment at the start to
be as receptive as possible and so
understanding where this person is
coming from did they just teach for a
couple hours that they just come from
work did they just have a hard
conversation with the customer are they
mentally set up to be able to have a
hard conversation with you right now you
know that they sleep two hours last
night because they were up solving this
big problem are they ready emotionally
to do this and then creating the
environment where is it better to do it
at their house is it better to do it at
a coffee shop where it’s a little more
casual you know can you make sure that
they have food this conversation might
last for a couple hours right you don’t
want to have interruptions that kill the
momentum is there some meeting that’s
happening afterwards right that you only
have 45 minutes to get through this
stuff probably not good to have it at
that time right make sure they’ve gone
to the washroom and have something in
front of them right as comfortable as
they can be as possible that they are
open to really receive valuable feedback
from you it’s super important and often
overlooked
number two make them a hero
this is so important because you are
about to get really real with them
you’re about to tell them a truth that
is painful for them and that they know
is painful for them and that they’ve
been trying to hide and that they don’t
want other people to recognize it in
them think about what you you know hate
about yourself or the beliefs that you
have and you’re hoping nobody else sees
it and what you’re about to do is now
shine a light on and say this is a fact
in your life and it’s holding you back
and so before you can do that because
that’s so painful and awkward you have
to make them a hero you have to explain
that they’re here right now they’ve
already done a lot of work right to get
to where they are and they may be ahead
of most people and you know you know
they’re living an okay life right now
but you believe in them playing out here
you think they could be way out here and
they’re not living up to their potential
they’re not playing as big a game as
they could there’s this gap and in order
to get through that gap you have to
solve a couple of these things and
that’s what we’re going to talk about
today and that you believe so strongly
and then being this better version of
themselves you believe it more than they
believe in themselves chances are nobody
in their life has ever believed in them
so much as you’re about to believe in
them right now if you don’t have that
you’re gonna lose if all you’re doing is
creating pain I vote here’s something
that’s wrong without giving them the
vision of the future of where they could
go then this whole thing is gonna fall
apart so you have to make them a hero
you have to show them what they could
become
and that you believe in their big
potential more than anybody else does
probably in the world
number three as we start asking genuine
questions what I’m trying to find here
is a pattern to identify limiting
beliefs and in the process of asking
people questions you want to be
genuinely curious because if you’re
coming off as stiff or nervous or
professional guess what you’re gonna get
back you’re gonna get the wall back if
you are professional and boring they’re
gonna give you professional and boring
back this is not a job interview this is
somebody you care about who you’re
trying to help get better and so you’re
asking them specific questions the
question almost doesn’t matter as long
as it’s something that you are genuinely
curious about because you want them to
let their guard down and be who they
truly are because when somebody has
limiting beliefs it’s gonna come across
and everything that they say and
everything that they do so whether
you’re asking about their day or whether
you’re asking about a sports team that
they love or asking about coffee that
they like or why they went into a
certain profession whatever it is the
same limiting beliefs are gonna rear
their head in every conversation and so
much more important is that you have
genuine interest in the conversation and
you’re paying attention to what they’re
saying to pick up on the cues where
they’re holding themselves back so as an
example you might set off something as
simple as how’s your day going or how
was your day yesterday right and they
say is okay it could be that it’s just
okay or it could be that this person is
afraid to express themselves because
they’re worried that you’re gonna judge
them because you know they feel like
they don’t have a lot of area they don’t
have an important life right and you
can’t just jump to a conclusion after
one sentence but you can continue to ask
other questions and see does that come
back does that person hold themselves
back from expressing themselves you can
ask them about their work you can ask
them about projects they’re working on
and they may say something like yeah I
had this idea but you know I didn’t
really get support of the management or
they really want to share it with people
I still have more work to do like are
they constantly beating themselves up
are they constantly holding themselves
back and so that’s what you’re looking
for in every conversation an easy place
to start is talking about what your
point of reference is so how do you know
them you know them through work you know
them through a friend you know them
through you know an activity that you’re
doing why did you get interested in
salsa dancing why did you get interested
in accounting why did you get interested
in the Toronto Blue Jays whatever it is
there’s stories there and then keep
asking questions after the story and
you’re looking for
these little parts in their conversation
where they’re holding themselves back
where they’re limiting their own life
through their beliefs until you start to
get a picture of this is a consistent
pattern in this person’s life this thing
happens and then this is their reaction
and this is what holds them back so it
could be that they don’t have a lot of
confidence in themselves it could be
that they care too much about what other
people think about them it could be that
they’re they’re super judgmental of
other people it could be that they feel
like they’re entitled to more than what
they have it could be that you know they
feel they don’t have enough resources or
they’re always blaming or complaining
right any number of these things that
are holding them back we’re here is this
great opportunity that you could have
done but because of that story you’ll
holding yourself back so you’re asking
genuine questions to try to figure out
what is a consistent story that this
person has had in their life that is
holding them back and preventing them
from doing something much greater and
this is all in a really casual really
caring really curious way you’re not
judging yet you’re not criticizing them
yet because as soon as you jump on
something and say do you think this
holds you back wall is gonna come up
right they’re gonna get massive
defensive mode and so you need to be
certain about what it is that’s holding
them back before you jump in and start
criticizing so in step three we’re just
listening until you ask enough questions
until you get to the point where you
have that sense of I know what is
holding this person back I know what
they’re limiting belief is
set number four as you call out the
limiting belief step number four is now
you have to get ready to put the person
in that awkward uncomfortable position
because everything until now has been
okay it’s been nice it’s been friendly
you want to help me grow amazing you see
this big future vision for me I don’t
quite believe that but okay you’re
asking me questions I’m uncomfortable
not answering about my day about my work
but what I love okay great you know
everything’s amazing now we’re gonna put
them in a position where they’re
uncomfortable
now we’re gonna call out the truth the
reason why you’re not able to be out
here yet why you can’t be that super
version of yourself is because you care
too much what other people think is
because you don’t believe enough in
yourself is because you don’t have
enough confidence is because you keep
telling yourself that you don’t have
enough resources whatever it is pick the
one that fits best for that person
that’s tough I need to say with
confidence I need to stay with
conviction and then two things are gonna
happen one either they’re going to agree
with you and then break down like you
know you’re right you’re right this
holds me back every time I know it
you’re right or they’re gonna fight you
and be defensive and say you’re wrong
I’m not that person whether you’re crazy
and so this moves us to the next point
number five where you have to hold their
hand
if we have our line they start here we
want to get them to here they have to
get past this mark first this is that
limiting belief we I jump here I jump
right here and they may not be ready for
that biggest step and so we handhold we
go back and I show them in their life
how this is making an impact right how
that belief is holding them back until I
get them to the point where they believe
it because they know they already know
I’ve never had a case where people are
so clueless that they don’t know they
know they’re just not willing to admit
it to you so you create that environment
where they’re comfortable enough
admitting it to you you’ve gotten now to
that point where they agree with you
that they understand that this thing is
holding them back now you need to
continue to create that compelling
future for where they can go and telling
a personal story from your own example
of when you held yourself back of your
limiting beliefs to help them overcome
their to help them understand that you
know what they’re going through so as an
example for me I have a need to make
people feel like I’m providing value the
worst thing in the world for me is
feeling like I’m wasting somebody’s time
I would hate for something to come out
of a meeting with me and feel like I got
no value from this that destroys me it’s
really good in that it means that I
always am early I always over deliver I
always over prepare I always provide
insane value because I’m so worried
about providing value but the negative
part can be was I would not take on
projects or owed secretly hope some
projects would cancel because I was
worried I couldn’t provide value and it
might be a big project a member doing a
speaking gig in Brunei and they wanted
me to come speak and all the government
officials are gonna be there it’s gonna
be live on national television and a
huge audience and I said yes months in
advance and then the day came closer for
me to go and and I’ve secretly hoped
that they would cancel on me and I told
myself I’m too busy I can’t go you know
you’re always gonna get a BS answer
coming back first right if you ask
somebody why they don’t do something the
the initial answer is always BS is
always something deeper down and so I
say I’m too busy I can’t go you know I
got other stuff to do look how much time
I’m gonna miss from all this stuff but
really I was just afraid I was afraid I
was afraid I wouldn’t be able to provide
and that makes sense because of some big
thing that I haven’t done before and
it’s the biggest stage I’ve ever been on
and so that makes sense but I would do
it on the the smallest level and the
turning point for me came when I was
about to meet this woman who had a
startup business pure startup hadn’t
gone into you know they won yet and she
went to me for coffee and I said yes to
try to help her out and on the day of I
remember thinking I hope she cancels
like if she cancelled right now that’d
be a Bri I could work on my other stuff
to be pretty good and really deep down I
was just afraid that I wouldn’t be able
to provide her with value and here’s
somebody who I’m you know I’ve helped
tons of people like her in that position
I’m way further along the path than she
is there’s no logical reason why I won’t
be able to help this woman out but I
still was afraid that I wouldn’t be able
to is just in my subconscious and that
was something that was holding me back
and that it held me back for years for
decades my whole life I didn’t realize
it just coasted through it just acted
normally because it was so deep in my
subconscious that I didn’t pay attention
to it I didn’t know what existed I
didn’t know was holding me back and so
fixing that helped me grow my business
helped me grow myself helped me get to
the point where I’m earning a lot more
learning a lot more and having a bigger
impact that I wanted and so sharing that
story helps put me in the same position
that they’re in helps helps show that
person that I understand what they’re
going through helps break through the
defensive ‘no sadness and despair cuz
now you brought them down to a really
really low point in their lives that is
super uncomfortable that they didn’t
want to be there so they built all this
all these walls around and instead of
fixing the problem they just build more
and more and more walls around you can
validate them but be careful what you
validate because a typical reaction when
somebody is in pain is you say oh I know
it’s okay don’t worry about it like
you’re gonna be fine you’re great at
this right you want to make them feel
better so you tell them that they’re
great at something but if they’re not
great at that if this is the behavior
that we’re trying to fix you can’t
validate them and say they’re great at
that they can be great at other things
they’re really good at other things and
they’ve come this far along the line
this isn’t if I show this line this
isn’t just a starting point this is the
endpoint they’ve come a long way already
you can validate all the stuff that
they’ve done but if you validate the
wrong things
if you validate them for
or the thing that you’re trying to fix
if they have an issue with confidence
and you say that they’re confident like
most of the time you’re pretty confident
when they’re not you set yourself
backwards you set the whole process
backwards and so it’s on you to stay
strong it’s on you to recognize that
you’re gonna guide them through this
process and part of its gonna be painful
and so don’t validate the wrong things
through that experience
number six is Monday Morning Quarterback
the Monday Morning Quarterback if you
guys aren’t familiar with football is
you know the quarterback makes most of
decisions in football and the games are
on Sunday and so the quarterback will
look at the footage from Sunday the next
day on Monday and say oh I should have
done that I should have done that I
should have done that this is the next
step in the process to fixing your
limiting personal beliefs it’s first
awareness whether you discover them
yourself this video is more about
helping other people discover it and
change it but if you discover it
yourself say yes this is where I’m
holding myself back this these are the
beliefs that are limiting me and hurting
me you recognize it the next day right
like ah I’m so upset that I did it this
way I should have done I like that I
should have done I like that I should
have done I like that you get frustrated
that you didn’t fix it that you’re still
living this small life that you still
being the small person you’ve heard than
what you could be and that’s okay
because self-awareness is half of this
process and if you catch you the next
day that’s great now your goal is every
time this happens every time you worry
about what somebody else is thinking
about you and you take the wrong action
right I’m so worried about what what
this person is gonna think I’m not gonna
do that anymore because of what how they
might judge me you may not catch it in
the moment you’ll catch it the next day
soon you’ll catch it that afternoon then
you’ll catch it a couple hours later
then you catch it an hour later then you
catch it 30 minutes later and you’ll
catch it right after it happens and then
you’ll get to this really scary point
then you’ll get to this point where you
catch it in the moment where you catch
yourself thinking that limiting thought
in the moment and you want to do this
you want to you want to take that action
that small version of yourself that
you’ve been your whole life the small
way of thinking and you recognize that
it’s the wrong thing to do if you want
to play out here if you want to be the
super
of yourself it’s the wrong thing to do
and you’re stuck with that decision and
your heart starts being a little bit
faster and you start sweating a little
bit and that’s when you have to have the
courage to do this action you have to
courage to go here instead of here and
that’s scary but the more that you do it
that’s when things start to change you
do Monday Morning Quarterback
you start realizing later it gets closer
and closer closer closer to the moment
and the more you put yourself in that
moment you’re you’re forced to make that
important decision and you’re scared and
nervous and freaking out and the more
used to making the right decision you
get the easier that becomes and then
this becomes the new norm and the more
you do that then you destroy that
limiting person belief and you start
moving closer to out here instead of
playing here and so it’s helping people
through that process and being there for
them this is all potentially one
conversation but there’s a lot of
support that happens afterwards because
they’re not going to change just from
that one conversation at least I haven’t
figured out how to do it yet
and so the last step becomes number
seven create the right post environment
for somebody that really change to
somebody who really recognize that
that’s their problem and to get to that
point where they want to make that
change I believe that it’s not just
about the how to’s not just looking at
hey here’s seven ways to do something
right or ten ways to do something or
three steps you need to take because a
lot of that just hits you here because
if you don’t have confidence if that’s
your thing you lack self-confidence
watching the video about five ways to
gain more confidence can help you but it
helps you up here where what you really
need is something in here which is why
the environment plays such a crucial
role and so if I was trying to improve
my confidence and I’ve seen my own
confidence grow over the past couple
years I would try to be creating an
environment that makes me feel confident
daily instead of just thinking confident
thoughts does that make sense and so
watching people be confident on a video
is just as important as strategies to be
confident so I’ll be looking up who are
the people who embody this thing who
embodied playing out here who embody the
anti of that limiting person belief that
you have you don’t need to like
everything about them but you like that
one thing and that’s what you want to
model and that’s what you want to hang
around you might want to be more
visionary you might feel like you’re not
a visionary you might feel like you know
you don’t have a lot of great ideas you
feel you’re limiting belief is I’m not
I’m not creative I don’t have anything
that’s creative what I would want to do
is not just watch videos on seven ways
to be more creative but start watching
videos of creative people so I would
watch Steve Jobs videos I would watch
Elon Musk videos I would watch people
who are doing really creative things and
how they act and how they think and
their mindset and their words starts to
come in to you and now you start to be
more creative you know Kanye West is on
that wall
he’s highly confident if coffee
is a thing that you need to work on
that’s a living and belief for you you
don’t feel confident you don’t feel like
you add value you could learn a lot by
watching Kanye West’s videos his music
videos his interviews his performances
there may be nothing else that you like
from Kanye West there may be a whole
bunch of stuff that you totally
disrespect about him but that one piece
you could learn a lot from and so I
would try to now create an environment
for myself where I’m consistently
surrounded by the things that I want to
embody the anti of that limited belief
that I have you know I can’t be
successful because I’m black right if
that’s my thing then all I would do is
surround myself with successful black
entrepreneurs or successful black people
singers athletes entrepreneurs inventors
creators until I start to lose it right
that story starts to change and the next
time I’m in a situation where I feel I
can’t be successful because I’m black
then you’ll be able to make a change and
fill in the blank because I’m disabled
because I don’t have enough resources
because I’m from a different country
because I have an accent
you know because I’m not confident
because whatever it is whatever that
reason is surround yourself with an
environment to help you break through
that reason and honestly for me that’s
been one of the biggest reasons why I’ve
been able to turn up why I’ve been able
to have a greater impact why I believe
so confidently and myself and the people
around me is because all I do is
surround myself with with these videos
of people who are doing great amazing
things like you can’t help but feel
greater and want to do greater things
when you’re surrounded by so much
greatness and most people’s environments
keep them where they are instead of
helping them become out here write that
best version of themselves so those are
my seven steps I want to share a couple
caveats with you too that would really
help the process go smoother the first
is certainty you have to have certainty
when you are having a discussion with
somebody often the person who is more
certain will win will carry the day if
we’re having a discussion on something
and I am just absolutely certain that
is right even if you came in with a high
degree of certainty you’re gonna doubt
yourself a little bit you’re gonna doubt
yourself because I have so much
certainty and so this is important in
this process that one you have certainty
of what they could be you have to
believe in what they could be more than
they believe in themselves because they
don’t believe they can be out here most
people don’t believe they can play out
here most people don’t believe they can
be great most people don’t think they
have a special gift most people don’t
think they can have a big impact most
people don’t think they’re amazing most
people don’t think that way about
themselves they may see in other people
but they don’t think that way about
themselves so you have to be absolutely
certain in their ability to be out here
that’s gonna be challenged multiple
times and every time you have to cut it
at the root and let them know that they
could be out here if there’s any doubt
for you then the whole thing blows up
the whole process is destroyed because
they have to trust in your confidence to
get them here to help get them here they
have to do work – they’re trusting in
your certainty and so you have to be
there and whatever you need to do like
if you are not certain about that then
don’t even have the conversation at the
start this all has to be genuine right
you’re working with somebody whom you
feel could be doing so much more and
they’re living small and you see them
being able to do such amazing things
that has to be on there and the second
thing is patience this is a process that
takes time at least for me to walk
people through it and people react in
different ways right some people will
shut down like when you tell somebody a
harsh truth some people just shut down
they don’t and they take a lot to get
now something out of they just go inside
their head and think about it some
people start crying and they’re just so
overwhelmed with this truth that they
lose control
some people get defensive some people
argue some people yell there’s often
that initial sense of denial and then
the spare that you need to walk them
through and be with them for to get to
the other side
this is why it’s important that you
don’t rush into this that if you only
have 45 minutes for a conversation that
you don’t try to fit all of this in
because what’s going to happen is you’re
going to create the environment you’re
ask some questions you’re gonna you know
come to an opinion
you’re gonna hit them with the truth and
you won’t have enough time to bring them
out and if you leave them feeling
despair feeling angry feeling hopeless
that is so dangerous that’s a terrible
spot to leave somebody in you’ve taken
them to the bottom and you haven’t
helped them get out you haven’t shown
their had a Monday Morning Quarterback
you haven’t showed them how to create a
great environment you can show them any
of this stuff so all they feel is
despair and so you need to have the
patience to not lose your cool to
recognize that this is what’s gonna
happen people are going to act
emotionally and freaked out stay patient
and if you’re calm and cool and patient
and collect it and certain they’re gonna
calm down you’re gonna bring them to the
bottom they’re gonna calm down they’re
gonna lose a lot of hope and then you
start to rebuild them back up in a much
more positive way and so you need to
have the patience to do that and I’d
love for the time to do it so this is a
very powerful process that I’ve seen
work that I’ve implemented on a number
of people around me but it’s very
dangerous to start to apply and I almost
didn’t make this video I was hesitant to
make the video because it’s so powerful
you’re dealing with such important
things for somebody’s life you’re
touching a tack or somebody’s life it’s
a gift of fire and if you use it wrong
you’re gonna go over burning the
villages all around you because you
don’t know how to control it and so I
would encourage you to think about each
step in the process to even try it on
yourself and then when going into with
other people maybe not tackle the
biggest things yet test it out try to
have patience and try not to burn the
villages too if you get it right though
you could have a really big impact and
the people around you insanely big
impact and the people around you so
that’s why I made this video a little
bit different from what I usually make
some curious what do you guys think do
you have questions you need me to
clarify any of the steps what do you
think about it let me know leave a
comment down below thank you guys so
much for watching I believe in you I
hope you continue to believe in yourself
and whatever your one word is much love
I’ll see you soon
you
share with you my seven step process to
changing somebody’s limiting beliefs
this is a really important video for me
because the knowledge and I’m about to
give you are the things that I train my
team on that can be extremely powerful
that can have a really big impact on the
people around you friends family
co-workers staff but if you do it
incorrectly you could actually end up
causing more harm than good
and so I want to make sure I guide you
through the steps individually in that
you understand them before you start to
apply this because if you can really
figure this stuff out if you can really
be that person go and have this huge
impact on people’s lives to help them
overcome their limiting beliefs man the
impact that it will have and so before
getting to the seven what I believe is a
problem for a lot of people is people
play small people play down here
constant like most people play small
most people play smaller than where they
could be most of you are playing smaller
than where you could be even me I’m
playing smaller than where it could be
and you want to be up here and the
difference between being this small and
playing the big game is not the
strategies and not the tactics and not
the ideas and not the execution usually
it’s a limiting mindset and every time
I’ve made a big breakthrough in my
business and my career in my
relationships it’s been by breaking a
limiting belief that I had and so I’m
going to share with you those seven ways
to be able to help others through that
process
number one is create a comfortable
environment the conversation that you
are about to have with somebody is about
to get painful it’s about to get awkward
it’s about to get real it’s about to get
truthful and so you want to be able to
create the environment at the start to
be as receptive as possible and so
understanding where this person is
coming from did they just teach for a
couple hours that they just come from
work did they just have a hard
conversation with the customer are they
mentally set up to be able to have a
hard conversation with you right now you
know that they sleep two hours last
night because they were up solving this
big problem are they ready emotionally
to do this and then creating the
environment where is it better to do it
at their house is it better to do it at
a coffee shop where it’s a little more
casual you know can you make sure that
they have food this conversation might
last for a couple hours right you don’t
want to have interruptions that kill the
momentum is there some meeting that’s
happening afterwards right that you only
have 45 minutes to get through this
stuff probably not good to have it at
that time right make sure they’ve gone
to the washroom and have something in
front of them right as comfortable as
they can be as possible that they are
open to really receive valuable feedback
from you it’s super important and often
overlooked
number two make them a hero
this is so important because you are
about to get really real with them
you’re about to tell them a truth that
is painful for them and that they know
is painful for them and that they’ve
been trying to hide and that they don’t
want other people to recognize it in
them think about what you you know hate
about yourself or the beliefs that you
have and you’re hoping nobody else sees
it and what you’re about to do is now
shine a light on and say this is a fact
in your life and it’s holding you back
and so before you can do that because
that’s so painful and awkward you have
to make them a hero you have to explain
that they’re here right now they’ve
already done a lot of work right to get
to where they are and they may be ahead
of most people and you know you know
they’re living an okay life right now
but you believe in them playing out here
you think they could be way out here and
they’re not living up to their potential
they’re not playing as big a game as
they could there’s this gap and in order
to get through that gap you have to
solve a couple of these things and
that’s what we’re going to talk about
today and that you believe so strongly
and then being this better version of
themselves you believe it more than they
believe in themselves chances are nobody
in their life has ever believed in them
so much as you’re about to believe in
them right now if you don’t have that
you’re gonna lose if all you’re doing is
creating pain I vote here’s something
that’s wrong without giving them the
vision of the future of where they could
go then this whole thing is gonna fall
apart so you have to make them a hero
you have to show them what they could
become
and that you believe in their big
potential more than anybody else does
probably in the world
number three as we start asking genuine
questions what I’m trying to find here
is a pattern to identify limiting
beliefs and in the process of asking
people questions you want to be
genuinely curious because if you’re
coming off as stiff or nervous or
professional guess what you’re gonna get
back you’re gonna get the wall back if
you are professional and boring they’re
gonna give you professional and boring
back this is not a job interview this is
somebody you care about who you’re
trying to help get better and so you’re
asking them specific questions the
question almost doesn’t matter as long
as it’s something that you are genuinely
curious about because you want them to
let their guard down and be who they
truly are because when somebody has
limiting beliefs it’s gonna come across
and everything that they say and
everything that they do so whether
you’re asking about their day or whether
you’re asking about a sports team that
they love or asking about coffee that
they like or why they went into a
certain profession whatever it is the
same limiting beliefs are gonna rear
their head in every conversation and so
much more important is that you have
genuine interest in the conversation and
you’re paying attention to what they’re
saying to pick up on the cues where
they’re holding themselves back so as an
example you might set off something as
simple as how’s your day going or how
was your day yesterday right and they
say is okay it could be that it’s just
okay or it could be that this person is
afraid to express themselves because
they’re worried that you’re gonna judge
them because you know they feel like
they don’t have a lot of area they don’t
have an important life right and you
can’t just jump to a conclusion after
one sentence but you can continue to ask
other questions and see does that come
back does that person hold themselves
back from expressing themselves you can
ask them about their work you can ask
them about projects they’re working on
and they may say something like yeah I
had this idea but you know I didn’t
really get support of the management or
they really want to share it with people
I still have more work to do like are
they constantly beating themselves up
are they constantly holding themselves
back and so that’s what you’re looking
for in every conversation an easy place
to start is talking about what your
point of reference is so how do you know
them you know them through work you know
them through a friend you know them
through you know an activity that you’re
doing why did you get interested in
salsa dancing why did you get interested
in accounting why did you get interested
in the Toronto Blue Jays whatever it is
there’s stories there and then keep
asking questions after the story and
you’re looking for
these little parts in their conversation
where they’re holding themselves back
where they’re limiting their own life
through their beliefs until you start to
get a picture of this is a consistent
pattern in this person’s life this thing
happens and then this is their reaction
and this is what holds them back so it
could be that they don’t have a lot of
confidence in themselves it could be
that they care too much about what other
people think about them it could be that
they’re they’re super judgmental of
other people it could be that they feel
like they’re entitled to more than what
they have it could be that you know they
feel they don’t have enough resources or
they’re always blaming or complaining
right any number of these things that
are holding them back we’re here is this
great opportunity that you could have
done but because of that story you’ll
holding yourself back so you’re asking
genuine questions to try to figure out
what is a consistent story that this
person has had in their life that is
holding them back and preventing them
from doing something much greater and
this is all in a really casual really
caring really curious way you’re not
judging yet you’re not criticizing them
yet because as soon as you jump on
something and say do you think this
holds you back wall is gonna come up
right they’re gonna get massive
defensive mode and so you need to be
certain about what it is that’s holding
them back before you jump in and start
criticizing so in step three we’re just
listening until you ask enough questions
until you get to the point where you
have that sense of I know what is
holding this person back I know what
they’re limiting belief is
set number four as you call out the
limiting belief step number four is now
you have to get ready to put the person
in that awkward uncomfortable position
because everything until now has been
okay it’s been nice it’s been friendly
you want to help me grow amazing you see
this big future vision for me I don’t
quite believe that but okay you’re
asking me questions I’m uncomfortable
not answering about my day about my work
but what I love okay great you know
everything’s amazing now we’re gonna put
them in a position where they’re
uncomfortable
now we’re gonna call out the truth the
reason why you’re not able to be out
here yet why you can’t be that super
version of yourself is because you care
too much what other people think is
because you don’t believe enough in
yourself is because you don’t have
enough confidence is because you keep
telling yourself that you don’t have
enough resources whatever it is pick the
one that fits best for that person
that’s tough I need to say with
confidence I need to stay with
conviction and then two things are gonna
happen one either they’re going to agree
with you and then break down like you
know you’re right you’re right this
holds me back every time I know it
you’re right or they’re gonna fight you
and be defensive and say you’re wrong
I’m not that person whether you’re crazy
and so this moves us to the next point
number five where you have to hold their
hand
if we have our line they start here we
want to get them to here they have to
get past this mark first this is that
limiting belief we I jump here I jump
right here and they may not be ready for
that biggest step and so we handhold we
go back and I show them in their life
how this is making an impact right how
that belief is holding them back until I
get them to the point where they believe
it because they know they already know
I’ve never had a case where people are
so clueless that they don’t know they
know they’re just not willing to admit
it to you so you create that environment
where they’re comfortable enough
admitting it to you you’ve gotten now to
that point where they agree with you
that they understand that this thing is
holding them back now you need to
continue to create that compelling
future for where they can go and telling
a personal story from your own example
of when you held yourself back of your
limiting beliefs to help them overcome
their to help them understand that you
know what they’re going through so as an
example for me I have a need to make
people feel like I’m providing value the
worst thing in the world for me is
feeling like I’m wasting somebody’s time
I would hate for something to come out
of a meeting with me and feel like I got
no value from this that destroys me it’s
really good in that it means that I
always am early I always over deliver I
always over prepare I always provide
insane value because I’m so worried
about providing value but the negative
part can be was I would not take on
projects or owed secretly hope some
projects would cancel because I was
worried I couldn’t provide value and it
might be a big project a member doing a
speaking gig in Brunei and they wanted
me to come speak and all the government
officials are gonna be there it’s gonna
be live on national television and a
huge audience and I said yes months in
advance and then the day came closer for
me to go and and I’ve secretly hoped
that they would cancel on me and I told
myself I’m too busy I can’t go you know
you’re always gonna get a BS answer
coming back first right if you ask
somebody why they don’t do something the
the initial answer is always BS is
always something deeper down and so I
say I’m too busy I can’t go you know I
got other stuff to do look how much time
I’m gonna miss from all this stuff but
really I was just afraid I was afraid I
was afraid I wouldn’t be able to provide
and that makes sense because of some big
thing that I haven’t done before and
it’s the biggest stage I’ve ever been on
and so that makes sense but I would do
it on the the smallest level and the
turning point for me came when I was
about to meet this woman who had a
startup business pure startup hadn’t
gone into you know they won yet and she
went to me for coffee and I said yes to
try to help her out and on the day of I
remember thinking I hope she cancels
like if she cancelled right now that’d
be a Bri I could work on my other stuff
to be pretty good and really deep down I
was just afraid that I wouldn’t be able
to provide her with value and here’s
somebody who I’m you know I’ve helped
tons of people like her in that position
I’m way further along the path than she
is there’s no logical reason why I won’t
be able to help this woman out but I
still was afraid that I wouldn’t be able
to is just in my subconscious and that
was something that was holding me back
and that it held me back for years for
decades my whole life I didn’t realize
it just coasted through it just acted
normally because it was so deep in my
subconscious that I didn’t pay attention
to it I didn’t know what existed I
didn’t know was holding me back and so
fixing that helped me grow my business
helped me grow myself helped me get to
the point where I’m earning a lot more
learning a lot more and having a bigger
impact that I wanted and so sharing that
story helps put me in the same position
that they’re in helps helps show that
person that I understand what they’re
going through helps break through the
defensive ‘no sadness and despair cuz
now you brought them down to a really
really low point in their lives that is
super uncomfortable that they didn’t
want to be there so they built all this
all these walls around and instead of
fixing the problem they just build more
and more and more walls around you can
validate them but be careful what you
validate because a typical reaction when
somebody is in pain is you say oh I know
it’s okay don’t worry about it like
you’re gonna be fine you’re great at
this right you want to make them feel
better so you tell them that they’re
great at something but if they’re not
great at that if this is the behavior
that we’re trying to fix you can’t
validate them and say they’re great at
that they can be great at other things
they’re really good at other things and
they’ve come this far along the line
this isn’t if I show this line this
isn’t just a starting point this is the
endpoint they’ve come a long way already
you can validate all the stuff that
they’ve done but if you validate the
wrong things
if you validate them for
or the thing that you’re trying to fix
if they have an issue with confidence
and you say that they’re confident like
most of the time you’re pretty confident
when they’re not you set yourself
backwards you set the whole process
backwards and so it’s on you to stay
strong it’s on you to recognize that
you’re gonna guide them through this
process and part of its gonna be painful
and so don’t validate the wrong things
through that experience
number six is Monday Morning Quarterback
the Monday Morning Quarterback if you
guys aren’t familiar with football is
you know the quarterback makes most of
decisions in football and the games are
on Sunday and so the quarterback will
look at the footage from Sunday the next
day on Monday and say oh I should have
done that I should have done that I
should have done that this is the next
step in the process to fixing your
limiting personal beliefs it’s first
awareness whether you discover them
yourself this video is more about
helping other people discover it and
change it but if you discover it
yourself say yes this is where I’m
holding myself back this these are the
beliefs that are limiting me and hurting
me you recognize it the next day right
like ah I’m so upset that I did it this
way I should have done I like that I
should have done I like that I should
have done I like that you get frustrated
that you didn’t fix it that you’re still
living this small life that you still
being the small person you’ve heard than
what you could be and that’s okay
because self-awareness is half of this
process and if you catch you the next
day that’s great now your goal is every
time this happens every time you worry
about what somebody else is thinking
about you and you take the wrong action
right I’m so worried about what what
this person is gonna think I’m not gonna
do that anymore because of what how they
might judge me you may not catch it in
the moment you’ll catch it the next day
soon you’ll catch it that afternoon then
you’ll catch it a couple hours later
then you catch it an hour later then you
catch it 30 minutes later and you’ll
catch it right after it happens and then
you’ll get to this really scary point
then you’ll get to this point where you
catch it in the moment where you catch
yourself thinking that limiting thought
in the moment and you want to do this
you want to you want to take that action
that small version of yourself that
you’ve been your whole life the small
way of thinking and you recognize that
it’s the wrong thing to do if you want
to play out here if you want to be the
super
of yourself it’s the wrong thing to do
and you’re stuck with that decision and
your heart starts being a little bit
faster and you start sweating a little
bit and that’s when you have to have the
courage to do this action you have to
courage to go here instead of here and
that’s scary but the more that you do it
that’s when things start to change you
do Monday Morning Quarterback
you start realizing later it gets closer
and closer closer closer to the moment
and the more you put yourself in that
moment you’re you’re forced to make that
important decision and you’re scared and
nervous and freaking out and the more
used to making the right decision you
get the easier that becomes and then
this becomes the new norm and the more
you do that then you destroy that
limiting person belief and you start
moving closer to out here instead of
playing here and so it’s helping people
through that process and being there for
them this is all potentially one
conversation but there’s a lot of
support that happens afterwards because
they’re not going to change just from
that one conversation at least I haven’t
figured out how to do it yet
and so the last step becomes number
seven create the right post environment
for somebody that really change to
somebody who really recognize that
that’s their problem and to get to that
point where they want to make that
change I believe that it’s not just
about the how to’s not just looking at
hey here’s seven ways to do something
right or ten ways to do something or
three steps you need to take because a
lot of that just hits you here because
if you don’t have confidence if that’s
your thing you lack self-confidence
watching the video about five ways to
gain more confidence can help you but it
helps you up here where what you really
need is something in here which is why
the environment plays such a crucial
role and so if I was trying to improve
my confidence and I’ve seen my own
confidence grow over the past couple
years I would try to be creating an
environment that makes me feel confident
daily instead of just thinking confident
thoughts does that make sense and so
watching people be confident on a video
is just as important as strategies to be
confident so I’ll be looking up who are
the people who embody this thing who
embodied playing out here who embody the
anti of that limiting person belief that
you have you don’t need to like
everything about them but you like that
one thing and that’s what you want to
model and that’s what you want to hang
around you might want to be more
visionary you might feel like you’re not
a visionary you might feel like you know
you don’t have a lot of great ideas you
feel you’re limiting belief is I’m not
I’m not creative I don’t have anything
that’s creative what I would want to do
is not just watch videos on seven ways
to be more creative but start watching
videos of creative people so I would
watch Steve Jobs videos I would watch
Elon Musk videos I would watch people
who are doing really creative things and
how they act and how they think and
their mindset and their words starts to
come in to you and now you start to be
more creative you know Kanye West is on
that wall
he’s highly confident if coffee
is a thing that you need to work on
that’s a living and belief for you you
don’t feel confident you don’t feel like
you add value you could learn a lot by
watching Kanye West’s videos his music
videos his interviews his performances
there may be nothing else that you like
from Kanye West there may be a whole
bunch of stuff that you totally
disrespect about him but that one piece
you could learn a lot from and so I
would try to now create an environment
for myself where I’m consistently
surrounded by the things that I want to
embody the anti of that limited belief
that I have you know I can’t be
successful because I’m black right if
that’s my thing then all I would do is
surround myself with successful black
entrepreneurs or successful black people
singers athletes entrepreneurs inventors
creators until I start to lose it right
that story starts to change and the next
time I’m in a situation where I feel I
can’t be successful because I’m black
then you’ll be able to make a change and
fill in the blank because I’m disabled
because I don’t have enough resources
because I’m from a different country
because I have an accent
you know because I’m not confident
because whatever it is whatever that
reason is surround yourself with an
environment to help you break through
that reason and honestly for me that’s
been one of the biggest reasons why I’ve
been able to turn up why I’ve been able
to have a greater impact why I believe
so confidently and myself and the people
around me is because all I do is
surround myself with with these videos
of people who are doing great amazing
things like you can’t help but feel
greater and want to do greater things
when you’re surrounded by so much
greatness and most people’s environments
keep them where they are instead of
helping them become out here write that
best version of themselves so those are
my seven steps I want to share a couple
caveats with you too that would really
help the process go smoother the first
is certainty you have to have certainty
when you are having a discussion with
somebody often the person who is more
certain will win will carry the day if
we’re having a discussion on something
and I am just absolutely certain that
is right even if you came in with a high
degree of certainty you’re gonna doubt
yourself a little bit you’re gonna doubt
yourself because I have so much
certainty and so this is important in
this process that one you have certainty
of what they could be you have to
believe in what they could be more than
they believe in themselves because they
don’t believe they can be out here most
people don’t believe they can play out
here most people don’t believe they can
be great most people don’t think they
have a special gift most people don’t
think they can have a big impact most
people don’t think they’re amazing most
people don’t think that way about
themselves they may see in other people
but they don’t think that way about
themselves so you have to be absolutely
certain in their ability to be out here
that’s gonna be challenged multiple
times and every time you have to cut it
at the root and let them know that they
could be out here if there’s any doubt
for you then the whole thing blows up
the whole process is destroyed because
they have to trust in your confidence to
get them here to help get them here they
have to do work – they’re trusting in
your certainty and so you have to be
there and whatever you need to do like
if you are not certain about that then
don’t even have the conversation at the
start this all has to be genuine right
you’re working with somebody whom you
feel could be doing so much more and
they’re living small and you see them
being able to do such amazing things
that has to be on there and the second
thing is patience this is a process that
takes time at least for me to walk
people through it and people react in
different ways right some people will
shut down like when you tell somebody a
harsh truth some people just shut down
they don’t and they take a lot to get
now something out of they just go inside
their head and think about it some
people start crying and they’re just so
overwhelmed with this truth that they
lose control
some people get defensive some people
argue some people yell there’s often
that initial sense of denial and then
the spare that you need to walk them
through and be with them for to get to
the other side
this is why it’s important that you
don’t rush into this that if you only
have 45 minutes for a conversation that
you don’t try to fit all of this in
because what’s going to happen is you’re
going to create the environment you’re
ask some questions you’re gonna you know
come to an opinion
you’re gonna hit them with the truth and
you won’t have enough time to bring them
out and if you leave them feeling
despair feeling angry feeling hopeless
that is so dangerous that’s a terrible
spot to leave somebody in you’ve taken
them to the bottom and you haven’t
helped them get out you haven’t shown
their had a Monday Morning Quarterback
you haven’t showed them how to create a
great environment you can show them any
of this stuff so all they feel is
despair and so you need to have the
patience to not lose your cool to
recognize that this is what’s gonna
happen people are going to act
emotionally and freaked out stay patient
and if you’re calm and cool and patient
and collect it and certain they’re gonna
calm down you’re gonna bring them to the
bottom they’re gonna calm down they’re
gonna lose a lot of hope and then you
start to rebuild them back up in a much
more positive way and so you need to
have the patience to do that and I’d
love for the time to do it so this is a
very powerful process that I’ve seen
work that I’ve implemented on a number
of people around me but it’s very
dangerous to start to apply and I almost
didn’t make this video I was hesitant to
make the video because it’s so powerful
you’re dealing with such important
things for somebody’s life you’re
touching a tack or somebody’s life it’s
a gift of fire and if you use it wrong
you’re gonna go over burning the
villages all around you because you
don’t know how to control it and so I
would encourage you to think about each
step in the process to even try it on
yourself and then when going into with
other people maybe not tackle the
biggest things yet test it out try to
have patience and try not to burn the
villages too if you get it right though
you could have a really big impact and
the people around you insanely big
impact and the people around you so
that’s why I made this video a little
bit different from what I usually make
some curious what do you guys think do
you have questions you need me to
clarify any of the steps what do you
think about it let me know leave a
comment down below thank you guys so
much for watching I believe in you I
hope you continue to believe in yourself
and whatever your one word is much love
I’ll see you soon
you
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