yeah I just watched rewatched this
amazing Steve Jobs quote from like 1996
grow up you tend to get told that the
world is the way it is and your your
life is just to live your life inside
the world try not to bash into the walls
too much try to have a nice family life
have fun save a little money but life
that’s a very limited life life can be
much broader once you discover one
simple fact and that is everything
around you that you call life was made
up by people that were no smarter than
you and you can change it you can
influence it you can you can build your
own things that other people can use and
the minute that you understand that you
can poke life and actually something you
know if you push in something will pop
out the other side you can you can
change you can mold it that’s maybe the
most important thing is to shake off
this that this erroneous notion that
life is is there and you’re just gonna
live in it versus embrace it change it
improve it make your mark upon it
I I think that’s very important and
however you learn that once you learn it
you’ll want to change life and make it
better because it’s kind of messed up in
a lot of ways once you learn that you’ll
never be the same again
[Music]
and when it comes to where I want you to
exude my efforts and energy in life it’s
on something that I want to make sure is
true to my own mission and my own goals
so working for myself is something I
take very seriously and everybody I work
with are people who in some capacity
share a similar vision so really it’s
this whole like be your own boss it’s
like if you if you’re in the right place
there is no boss it becomes a
collaborative effort by a group of
individuals that share a mutual ambition
and that’s how I like to think of
everything that I’ve done since I quit
my last job wherever it was 14 years ago
you can do what everyone else does you
can fit in there’s nothing wrong with
fitting in but you’re fitting into
cultural or societal norms that were
created by other people
you should never compare yourself to
other people in life but I do remember
that feeling of standing at the bottom
of a huge mountain staring up and it
feeling seemingly impossible to get to
where I wanted to go and in the last 15
years I’ve learned it’s not but it takes
a lot of work in a long time
it takes years and years and years there
is no such thing at least in my
experience of an overnight success it’s
just like gradual steps that get you
closer to where you want to be
I only have one piece of advice to offer
on this round on this three million and
that one piece of advice was given to me
by a guy named Roman Apple and it’s the
best piece of YouTube advice I’ve ever
been given and it was three words just
keep uploaded
[Music]
freedom for me is waking up in the
morning and going to sleep at night and
in-between doing exactly what I want to
do the secret to happiness is finding
something you love and then doing that
for the rest of your life I’ve never
really been like I I don’t really care
for numbers that much what I care more
about is the support for that I get from
all you guys that means so much more
than just a random number but I just
thought I’d drop by say hello and really
say thank you it means a lot to me I
love making these videos and you guys
are my main motivation of wanting to
make these videos so yeah thanks again
this is just a quick thank you video
hope you have a nice evening day morning
or whatever and this is
when I started doing YouTube I was in
college I was in a student loan I
couldn’t even afford a proper computer
that I could record gameplay on shortly
after I quit college and so I had to get
a job and I took whatever job I could
get which was to work in a hotdog stand
I was the happiest I was at that time
because I was finally for the first time
in many many years doing what I wanted
to do and the fact that I could make
videos was so much more important to me
that I had to spend a few hours a day
doing a job that wasn’t that prestigious
I really think that money does make you
happy I am just as happy as I am now as
I was five years ago I think that’s
what’s cool about YouTube I think that
anyone could technically do it right I
do want to finish off by just saying
thank you so much to all of you who
watch my videos enjoy them and support
what I do it really does mean a lot and
I’m just happy doing this I would be
doing it even if I was still not as big
as I am
and yeah today we’re gonna celebrate
this I got 100 subscribers to a lot of
people 100 subscribers is probably an
instigating insignificant number but it
means to me it means a lot so I just
wanted to thank you guys so much
like for all your support it doesn’t
matter if your I don’t know a new
subscriber or being here I don’t know
how
miss one-and-a-half months maybe
I just want to thank you guys I love you
all equally thank you so much for
commenting on my videos and rating them
subscribing and participating in any way
it just makes me happy and I don’t do
this because I want to be famous that’s
the main thing I wanted to say the only
reason why I do this is because it’s fun
and you guys are the biggest part of
that like it’s because of you guys that
this actually is fun and that’s why I
make videos and that’s why I’m gonna
keep making videos so thank you guys
again so much
[Music]
9 p.m. 9 o’clock at night tomorrow
morning I also have to get up at 5:30 in
the morning but I didn’t shoot a vlog
today I didn’t shoot a video which is
fine taking days off is fine but I shot
this morning which meant I started
something so if I didn’t do a vlog today
it would have meant starting something
and not finishing something and in my
book that’s not OK start something and
doesn’t finish something that is a loser
someone who starts something in always
finishes it that is a closer one of my
favorite movies is called Glengarry Glen
Ross here’s a quick scene they always
BBC closing always be closing always be
closing
yeah I tattooed that on my arm last week
I talked about that Voltaire quote
perfection is the enemy of good what
that means is you can never let your
desire for perfection prevent you from
finishing something that’s good because
to finish something even imperfectly
is to learn from it and then you can
move on and get closer to perfection
everybody but the successful people fail
to realize about any creative industry
is that there is absolutely no defined
path there isn’t one so it’s about
paving your own path and now for me my
path
meant mainstream just didn’t work and
new media did work and for other people
it’s entirely antithetical to that where
mainstream is exactly the right place
for them so there is no formula that’s
that’s right or wrong I’m just much
better versed in my own sure the
trajectory that I found myself and that
includes really running away from the
establishment into whatever the most
forward-thinking
the spaces focus focus is super
underrated like if you commit all that
you are and all of your energy to one
thing you’ll okay this like this tire
though this is I took this from a book
called I don’t know what it’s called but
it goes like this all right you can do
ten things to like the first degree like
this right here and that’s how well
you’ll do all ten things or you can do
one thing to the tenth degree right
there and look how much better you do
that so when it comes to focus to put
all of your energy into one thing is to
do that one thing really well to the
best of your abilities to take it all
the way and to scatter yourself means
you’re never actually accomplishing
anything you’re just sort of chipping
away at a bunch of nothingness and this
is true for work this is true for like
dating versus committing yourself to one
person friendship everything like really
focusing and investing yourself into
something you’re passionate about will
always yield better results then
scattering yourself around then
spreading yourself thin I don’t me
sympathy for you I’ve got a full-time
job
two kids baby wife house bills life
reality and if I can find time to make
some videos everyday then you can too
I know what high school is like I did it
for like a very short amount of time if
it’s something you really want to do you
will find the time one year of vlogging
before I started vlogging at a YouTube
channel for five years and in those five
years I had a whole bunch of huge viral
hits movies that I like sixteen million
views
for my subscriber growth was anemic the
channel growth is anemic flat like that
five years five hundred thousand
subscribers then I started uploading
daily and in five months I had five
hundred thousand more subscribers that’s
1 million subscribers five years for the
first 500 thousand five months for the
second 500 thousand so I kept uploading
and two months later I had another half
a million subscribers now here I am one
year out for doing daily uploads and
I’ve got two and a half million
subscribers YouTube is in Hollywood I’m
not Stanley Kubrick you can’t succeed
here if you’re uploading once a month if
you want to succeed here you’ve got a
shot for work every single day that that
took me five years to learn I didn’t
start daily vlogging to grow my youtube
channel I did it as a way to kill all of
those excuses I used that kept me from
making more movies because of every
single inflection point in my life doing
the work has always been the thing has
always been the catalyst that took me
from where I am to where I wanted to be
last night I was at the gym getting
swole I was listening to a guy named Dan
Ariely who’s a behavioral economist you
talking about why we work and his entire
sort of thesis was predicated on the
idea that we weren’t because we want to
not because we have to it made me think
about my youtube channel the fact that I
made like 600 videos in the last couple
of years and how much I and all that
I don’t get to do in life because I’m so
focused the last majority of the work
that I do including here in YouTube I
get paid for it definitely is not why I
show up I get out of this like longing
or hunger for accomplishment or this
idea of needing to complete something
professor I was listening to he equates
it to like climbing a mountain which is
a perfectly here is a picture of me and
my homie Graham at nearly 23,000 feet
above sea level
my brother van put that note in there
right after we got back so why don’t we
climb mountains I don’t get paid to
climb mountains it’s not fun do I look
too happy there I’m not happy I’m close
to death right there we climb mountains
for the same reason that we work it’s
because as human beings you have this
desire to do something to complete
something hmm I should preface this
answer by saying I definitely got made
fun of a lot for the way that I look
when I was in school and all those
bullies that picked on me are all losers
now so never forget that people who
judge others especially people who judge
others based on things like looks on
whether you’re black or white whether
you’re Jewish or you’re Muslim whether
you are gay or straight because of their
body type whether they’re fat or skinny
whether you have pimples or whether you
have a big butt these judgmental people
their opinions don’t matter because they
don’t matter
judgmental people are of a lower moral
authority than those who don’t judge and
we people who don’t judge we have a
responsibility to crush to destroy those
mean judgemental bullies and we do that
with an overwhelming positivity and we
do that with our extreme open-mindedness
and when you subscribe to those those
values you really stop caring what other
people think because chances are if
other people are judging you they’re
wrong hunger is a very very powerful
motivator and when I was living in that
trailer park with the kid like we were
on welfare for a while yeah I was a
dishwasher I worked in a crappy seafood
restaurant as a dishwasher which now
just sort of parenthetically my favorite
piece of advice to give to young people
saying I don’t know what I want to do
with my life I said get a job doing
something you hate
the fastest way to figure out what you
love and where you want to be in life is
by spending a lot of time doing
something you hate it’s miserable yeah
so you know spending 50 hours a week
scrubbing pots and pans was like I was
just in my head the whole time
fantasizing about what I want to do in
life I was making enough to like feed my
kid and pay my any of 300 bucks at
around 300 bucks a month rather than
mortgage on my trailer but my biggest
fear was not being broke because like
when you’re at rock-bottom
being around welfare you can still like
afford food you’re by yeah like I could
afford to afford my trailer it was like
we weren’t homeless and weren’t starving
so to me that was an absolute
destitution wasn’t really like that bad
there’s no dignity in it but still it
wasn’t were on the streets that’s right
so with that like my it’s like what is
it
Laszlo’s hierarchy of needs higher needs
like it’s like 136 meters format basic
needs were met then I started to look
around I realize like the greatest fear
for this like beautiful little baby boy
was that he would grow up and see his
dad as a loser and that is a once those
basic needs are met that’s an incredibly
powerful motivator yeah because you know
my dad who’s is absolutely not a loser
but I watched my dad to provide for his
family of six I watched him work 60
hours a week hating every minute of it
and he came home from work just hating
his job and I’m feeling trapped probably
I’m sure yeah he had a family to take
care of he struggled now he does really
loves he has a coffee shop now and he’s
never been happier but I watched that
and like I just saw myself going down
that trajectory and it wasn’t just a job
that I hated it was a job that I hated
that that didn’t provide it was a job
that I hated that did nothing but cover
those basic needs and that was the
motivator that was when that was the
motivator the catalyst for me giving up
and moving to New York and going for it
was I still look back and I don’t know
what that what that was right there only
like two times in my life right Jenny
Lee
no idea what I was thinking and I moved
to New York City in June of 2001 with
$800 and a three a place to stay for
three months I never went to film school
I never sort of apprenticed under a
filmmaker I was never taught and around
a mentor I never anybody that I followed
and the interesting thing that happens
when you don’t know the way is that you
have to find the way and I always get to
the destination which with these
finished movies but the path with which
I employ is radically different from
what’s the norm and again that’s not
some I don’t take credit for that as
some genius stylistic move is just I
don’t know like I still don’t know how
to do proper titles titling like my
assistant editor did those titles which
is why most of the movies on my youtube
channel all the titles are just hand
written on paper and then the piece of
papers filmed because I don’t know how
to do it right I don’t know how to do
After Effects so all my animation is
like be stop frame and now sort of in
success I have the opportunities to use
all of the tools that were always so
elusive to me so now it’s a much more
conscious decision
a sort of handmade
I produce two feature films that were
still a big hit they neared if I can’t
film festival in Sun there I like got an
award that Natalie Portman gave me on TV
that my dad watch and I just like I
remember having this moment where I
realized that like I was so into this
thing that wasn’t really didn’t feel
right to me it’s different trying to
trying to find opportunities when you
are in a place of success when it was no
longer starving I wasn’t hungry anymore
I had some recognition but something
didn’t feel right and that was when I
took this big hit it that hit it was –
like you know what it’s not the politics
is not the Natalie Portman didn’t need
the award rubbish losing then I love I
love telling stories long stories
and that was where I decided to sort of
walk away from TV walk away from movies
I just wanted to make youtube videos and
I remember like my Hollywood agent when
I sort of told that to him he was like
okay you know you know this is four
years ago YouTube five years you know
YouTube was was nothing it was something
that was silly it was like a really
great place to go and watch cats play
the piano
and I wanted to like parlay my career at
the very successful filmmaker into into
that and I can’t tell you the
opportunities that were birthed from
that it’s given me what I have today
that’s opportunity those are
opportunities those are opportunities
that in the moment I couldn’t have told
you were opportunities I didn’t know
what they were there was something that
just felt right there was something that
looked right I did my best calculations
I took my best guess it wasn’t reckless
I never operate recklessly and this is
an important differentiation between
recklessness and fearlessness I always
do my best to operate without fear don’t
not do something don’t skip something
because I’m afraid to do it but make
sure it’s a smart decision and then part
two of that is is is obligation I feel
obliged to embrace opportunities like
that
I thought obliged to quit my job I felt
obliged to walk away from HBO and the
obligation was because there was
something in me there’s a truth that I
wanted and the obligation was to embrace
that Apple came out with the iPod and in
2003 my iPod battery died and I called
up and I was like dead broke at the time
I was a president I called up Apple to
fix it and they’re like yeah just buy a
new one and it really pissed me off so I
called them back when I recorded the
phone call and and this is at the time I
know this is at the time when when Apple
had those like awesome like those
silhouette with the colors posters all
over New York City I mean the whole city
was covered in them so I recorded the
phone call and then my brother van and I
went
with this stencil and we spray-painted
iPods unreplaceable battery lasts only
18 months on every one of these in New
York City and I’m sure we were wise
asses but we just thought we’d educate
the masses like if Apple wasn’t gonna do
we thought we would and the irony here
is that this video is like huge this is
before YouTube this is one viral net
like chlamydia in a frat house like this
was this thing was huge like this was
emailed all over the place millions of
views Steve Jobs sending me hate mail
and then like a week later Apple change
the policy and they’re like yeah we were
gonna do it anyways which is great but
again this video brought a lot of
eyeballs up to my brother and me and
people got to see all these other little
stupid videos that we’ve been making for
years and I try to like find some press
for you guys this is seven years ago so
I couldn’t really find but this was some
of that and anyhow I brought a lot of
attention to us and if anything it drove
home the point that like you don’t need
any of that understood infrastructure
this was just like us being pissed off
and that was enough motivation so what
made this movie and now we had all this
attention and we drilled that home for
stuck with that for a really long time
and now you know I made sort of serious
movies I just shot a documentary of each
drunk dock in Afghanistan which is gonna
be kind of serious but I never let go of
that and I still make sort of like
wiseass off movies and this summer
I tell this story but this summer I was
riding my bike in New York City and I
was pulled over in the pouring rain by a
police officer for riding my bike
outside of the bike I come on man that’s
like right so I filmed him the cop in my
iPhone naturally and then I made a movie
of me going around trying to show the
officer while you can’t always ride in
the bike lanes and I crashed into
everything I found so the video is just
me arguing with a cop for like 30
seconds than me crashing my bike for
another two minutes
and this thing was huge I mean this
thing was bigger than the iPod movie
this was gigantic like I was on every
news outlet and Bloomberg had to answer
to it in a in a press conference and
what is this the Guardian called me a
warrior which is awesome and and it was
huge and and this again is another good
exemplification of the idea that it’s
just embraced the resources that you
have available to you and this is what I
try to talk to young kids about in this
what I try to reinforce is that like let
go of all the pretensions that is
filmmaking and embrace what you have
available to you I want to talk about
risk as a guiding principle life shrinks
and life expands in direct proportion to
your willingness to assume risk yeah I
like I’ve made some really stupid
decisions in my career for my entire
career on a broad plane they’ve all
worked out every time I’ve quit my jobs
which I’ve done every time I’ve had a
job people that I trust most people that
I love all advise against it my dad told
me not to move to New York City because
it was such a risk
and every time I every time I took these
bigger risks the opportunity for a
larger payout was always there life is
like this super temporary mega fragile
thing you only get like a nugget of time
to really pursue the things you care
about
and like I’m thirty thirty and my rule
is that the right time is always right
to put a little meat on these bones this
new company that I don’t really talk
about this new company is the biggest
risk I’ve ever taken I took five years
of my life to build my advertising
career and I made like a lot of money
I’ve been doing really great look at my
youtube channel go all the way back
the last branded content thing you’ll
see was in February of 2014 I ditched it
all to pursue something I knew nothing
about this huge risk and I did it at a
time when my wife was pregnant and there
was all of this vulnerability and all
the scariness in my life and even now at
33 my dad’s at 34 my dad said Casey
that’s crazy
you’ve got a kid thing don’t let it go
but I know that like someday I won’t be
able to do this I know that the time is
now the time the right time is always
now so I had to do it that’s how I feel
about risk in general and that’s what
the struggle has always been for me is
like identifying risk identifying fear
and then just smashing through it
because a fear is looking back and
wishing that I had done these things the
most dangerous thing you can do in your
career the most dangerous thing you can
do in life is play it safe
gentleman over YouTube but boogie2988
coming at you live honking in terraPower
my internet loving to you look all the
90 day coming at you liable to get to
the Parisian elevator Nigel’s get to the
power what’s up ladies and gentlemen of
YouTube boogie2988 coming at you live
once again at 40 years old I take 15
pills a day and an injection just to
stay alive and and on top of that my
knees are shot my back is shot
I have trouble walking I have trouble
standing hell these days I have trouble
sitting comfortably the excuse you use
is that it’s a choice but let’s be
honest would anyone choose this I mean
look at this look at this do you think I
would choose this or do you think I’m
doing everything I humanly can to fight
it the misperception that fat people are
stupid or lazy or weak-willed is one of
the dumbest things I have ever heard
because it takes a lot of will and
effort to live a day like this much less
trying to fight it
[Music]
you get into this cycle now a lot of
people I don’t think realize and I hate
to quote a Fat Bastard from the Austin
Powers movies but he says I’m I eat
because I’m sad and then I’m sad because
I eat but that is the cycle that you get
into like you eat because you’re sad and
you’re miserable and you’re unhappy and
eating feels good it makes you happy on
some level and then the fact that you’re
getting fatter makes you sadder see we
you get Society and eat you cry eat crap
eventually most people my size will eat
while crying about the fact that they’re
eating you know but you do it anyway you
repeat the cycle you’re Peter you repeat
it repeat it and that cycle for me it
started at a very very early age at the
age of seven I was heavier than the
other kids by twenty-five fifty pounds
by the time I graduated high school I
was 350 pounds by the time I was thirty
I was almost 600 pounds and through
therapy over the years I have learned
that my eating disorder and what I’ve
done to my body largely stems from the
fact that I was born into a family full
of crazy people who did not want me
there and they mentally and physically
and even sexually abused me at point so
this is just kind of how I retaliated
the amount of pain that’s in my head in
my heart is immeasurable it haunts me
every day of my life and always will
cause that I have to diagnose disorders
the first is PTSD I have extreme anxiety
several times a day some of the simplest
things seeing a shoe on the floor or
saying and soda on the edge of a chair
or a edge of a table or whatever my
brain won’t trigger it’s awful I feel
like I’m dying I feel like I’m going to
die I lose my breath I lose my mind I go
crazy I get angry I get sad I get
depressed I get everything I could
suicidal like I’m afraid it won’t end
I’m afraid it will end I’m afraid I’ll
end myself once they twice they through
one of the things that helps with that
is food it’s one of the only things now
and so when this happens I’ll eat it’s
the second disorder I have an obsessive
compulsive eating this work I mean that
kind of mental pain when I’m in that
kind of anguish
[Music]
a daemon whether attempted suicide the
day my father lost his hearing in the
coal mines the day that he had a stroke
due to his alcoholism the day my mother
tried to claw my eyes out and I jumped
out of a moving car to save my left eye
still doesn’t work so good I was barely
worth saving
or any of that stuff I eaten two one now
triceps three two one
biceps pull them up three two one
Chester tries first and the biggest
abuser I endured was at the hands the
mode the most abuse I endured was at the
hands of my mother
and I’ve always wanted to talk about
that like really talk about it I’ve
turned on this camera maybe a dozen
times since YouTube came into my life
and I’ve talked about it and I’ve never
had the bravery to upload the video you
guys I think about what people are going
to think or what people are gonna say
will I be perceived as weak
will I be made fun of or people even
believe me
[Music]
I was abused now once a month
not once a week but physically everyday
sometimes with the small gap in between
of the day
I was cut I was burned with cigarettes
was stabbed his throne was picked up and
thrown
[Music]
my mom told me that she had me to get it
right because she’d fucked up my brother
and she fucked up my sister but me I was
the one that she was supposed to do it
right do it the way was supposed to do
mom did not she definitely did not
succeed at that she revisited everything
she ever did to my brother and my sister
tenfold
[Music]
Stephen sitting here thinking about that
stuff so many stories I want to tell in
this dump
even now I’m ashamed to tell them
[Music]
my sister got taken out of her home
because of the abuse she received she
was I think 13 or 14 they left me there
for some reason
I’ll never understand them I’ll never
understand that not that the foster care
system might foster care system my
sister went into was any better not that
she didn’t get beaten and destroyed
there either but god damn it someone
should have fucking it hoped you know
and it fucks you up for life
[Music]
like that stuff never goes away it gets
better it never goes away I’m sitting
here a 41 year old man with PTSD and an
anxiety disorder and a 500-pound body
where I tried to eat myself to death to
cope with it man and I just
[Music]
now my primary abuser which is my mother
she passed in 2009 and while there was a
very sad thing and very difficult to
deal with it was also bittersweet
because it brought me some very
necessary closure in my life that
allowed me to finally start a healing
what you what you’re working on yeah
he’s pretty there sorry hey what do you
think about him being on on that TV what
do you think about him being on that
that internet that YouTube do you think
it’s crazy do you think he’s do you
think it’s crazy yeah I can’t argue that
no I think it’s important to note here
that that is the reason that this has
happened but it is not an excuse there
is no excuse for what I’ve done I was
brought into this world with just one
body and I have effectively ruined it
and not only have I caused myself a ton
of mental and physical anguish because
of it but the people who love me and
count on me they suffered too and and
that includes all of the people who’ve
watched me over the years here on
YouTube
my eating disorder has also caused me to
feel shame and self-loathing and social
anxiety and just misery of untold
proportions but I have to stop to admit
that it did serve a very important role
in my life
[Music]
when I was a young teenager and I was
suicidal food kept me alive because it
was the only source of joy and a life
that was otherwise filled entirely with
misery when I was a broke young adult
and I was even homeless I knew that if I
got five bucks I could take it to a
pizza buffet and eat thousands of
calories if I didn’t know where my next
meal was coming from I had the ability
to eat and eat a lot and I knew that
that would keep me going for some time
and I also free use food like everybody
else it’s like a social lubricant you
know you go out to a business dinner or
you go out to dinner with your friends
or you go out to dinner on a first date
or you just use your comfort foods to
deal with the stress of life or the
stress of work that’s something I do as
well
I just do it far too much and food
served a much more nefarious purpose one
that I think is it’s kind of difficult
to put into a YouTube video but I think
I want to be entirely honest here as a
young adult when I would talk to a
doctor which was pretty rarely
they would tell me if you continue to
eat the way you’re eating you’ll be dead
by 30 or maybe 35 and when he told me
that that would actually not be a bad
thing to me that would be a very
relaxing thing because after a lifetime
of misery and a lifetime of mental
disorder I often consider death to be
relaxing or relieving something that I
actually looked forward to I was never
fully suicidal but I knew that it would
be the way that would finally cure what
was wrong with me up here and of course
what I’d done to my body as well
if you are 50 or more pounds overweight
you are absolutely damaging your body if
you’re a hundred pounds are more
overweight than you are damaging in a
way that will eventually kill you and
God forbid if you’re my size you are
going to be absolutely miserable you owe
it to yourself and everyone that loves
you to do everything you can to be as
healthy as possible and that does
include losing weight if you have a list
of reasons that you’re overweight and
you’re unhappy being that way where you
need to start attacking each and every
single step everything that’s on that
list if you’re unhappy if you’re
depressed if you’re physically unfit
start fixing that stuff today that’s
something I had to do it’s something I’m
in the process of doing and it’s
something you’re going to have to do if
you want to live longer if you want to
be healthy and for some of us if you
want to be happy
I don’t know your situation you may be
in a wheelchair you may be a burden
thing them you may be extraordinarily
unhealthy or extraordinarily unhappy and
I I’m not here to judge you but I am
Telling You that no matter what your
situation there’s no reason not to fight
for something good there’s no reason not
to fight to help yourself and help those
loved ones around you there’s no reason
not to try every single day no matter
how futile the situation is no matter
how futile you think life is no matter
how meaningless you feel that the world
is you know and I hope that you can take
inspiration in that
if you know me at all you know I have a
very singular message when it comes to
being overweight
don’t be learn from my mistakes
don’t end up in the unbearable amount of
pain and discomfort I am in every day if
you’re overweight you’re impacting your
health and you need to do your best to
try to be as healthy as humanly possible
please do it for me if not yourself
you have to love yourself no matter who
or what you are you have to stand up and
let the world love you and if you do
you’re gonna draw haters and they’re
going to hate you for standing up for
what you believe in and what you are but
fuck them and I definitely have my
haters whenever I create a video
hundreds of you flocked to the comments
or to my Twitter or to Reddit
to tell me what a fat worthless piece of
shit I am please try to lead healthy
happy lives and learn from my mistakes
do better do better
alright I have done undone a lot of the
damage in here undone a lot of the
damage in here and I have the medical
science backing me up with surgery
looming sometime in the future and I
know that this 8 pounds of weight loss
is not only 8 pounds smaller than my
original starting goal but it’s 8 pounds
I’m never going to weight get back I’m
never going to weigh 528 pounds again in
my life I hope I’ll never weigh 520
pounds again in my life
I hope I hit 519 this week and I never
look back
[Music]
but if you don’t watch every day or you
don’t watch very often do me a favor
check back in about a year if it’s mark
my words I’m pretty sure and I’ve said
it before but this time I think it’s
gonna work I’ll be half the man I used
to be and I’m pretty happy about that
guys
thanks for watching I love you very much
let’s see weight loss is starting to
move a little bit the scale is finally
starting to move we would hit the 800
pound mark roughly and I’m pretty happy
about that having lost a full hundred
pounds I got a lot more weight to go
[Music]
take it from a morbidly obese guy learn
from my mistakes do better and that
seems it critical i’m flying for that as
long as you do better okay promise me
you will I’m currently at about a
hundred and fifty pounds down since my
pre-op diet and a little over a hundred
pounds since the surgery date which was
almost exactly six months ago today at
six months ago this week moving forward
I’m very excited because I’m looking
forward to the future for the first time
since ever I hope you guys check back in
to me in a few more months to see how
I’m doing and for those of you who
followed me through this journey so far
thank you for being there for those of
you have been here long before this
journey began back with us Joe Joe
dieting and making promises every day
that I was finally going to get it that
I finally had it well you waited and
here we are it paid off it took surgical
intervention to get me there but we’re
there guys thanks for watching I love
you very much I’ll speak with you again
soon
amazing Steve Jobs quote from like 1996
grow up you tend to get told that the
world is the way it is and your your
life is just to live your life inside
the world try not to bash into the walls
too much try to have a nice family life
have fun save a little money but life
that’s a very limited life life can be
much broader once you discover one
simple fact and that is everything
around you that you call life was made
up by people that were no smarter than
you and you can change it you can
influence it you can you can build your
own things that other people can use and
the minute that you understand that you
can poke life and actually something you
know if you push in something will pop
out the other side you can you can
change you can mold it that’s maybe the
most important thing is to shake off
this that this erroneous notion that
life is is there and you’re just gonna
live in it versus embrace it change it
improve it make your mark upon it
I I think that’s very important and
however you learn that once you learn it
you’ll want to change life and make it
better because it’s kind of messed up in
a lot of ways once you learn that you’ll
never be the same again
[Music]
and when it comes to where I want you to
exude my efforts and energy in life it’s
on something that I want to make sure is
true to my own mission and my own goals
so working for myself is something I
take very seriously and everybody I work
with are people who in some capacity
share a similar vision so really it’s
this whole like be your own boss it’s
like if you if you’re in the right place
there is no boss it becomes a
collaborative effort by a group of
individuals that share a mutual ambition
and that’s how I like to think of
everything that I’ve done since I quit
my last job wherever it was 14 years ago
you can do what everyone else does you
can fit in there’s nothing wrong with
fitting in but you’re fitting into
cultural or societal norms that were
created by other people
you should never compare yourself to
other people in life but I do remember
that feeling of standing at the bottom
of a huge mountain staring up and it
feeling seemingly impossible to get to
where I wanted to go and in the last 15
years I’ve learned it’s not but it takes
a lot of work in a long time
it takes years and years and years there
is no such thing at least in my
experience of an overnight success it’s
just like gradual steps that get you
closer to where you want to be
I only have one piece of advice to offer
on this round on this three million and
that one piece of advice was given to me
by a guy named Roman Apple and it’s the
best piece of YouTube advice I’ve ever
been given and it was three words just
keep uploaded
[Music]
freedom for me is waking up in the
morning and going to sleep at night and
in-between doing exactly what I want to
do the secret to happiness is finding
something you love and then doing that
for the rest of your life I’ve never
really been like I I don’t really care
for numbers that much what I care more
about is the support for that I get from
all you guys that means so much more
than just a random number but I just
thought I’d drop by say hello and really
say thank you it means a lot to me I
love making these videos and you guys
are my main motivation of wanting to
make these videos so yeah thanks again
this is just a quick thank you video
hope you have a nice evening day morning
or whatever and this is
when I started doing YouTube I was in
college I was in a student loan I
couldn’t even afford a proper computer
that I could record gameplay on shortly
after I quit college and so I had to get
a job and I took whatever job I could
get which was to work in a hotdog stand
I was the happiest I was at that time
because I was finally for the first time
in many many years doing what I wanted
to do and the fact that I could make
videos was so much more important to me
that I had to spend a few hours a day
doing a job that wasn’t that prestigious
I really think that money does make you
happy I am just as happy as I am now as
I was five years ago I think that’s
what’s cool about YouTube I think that
anyone could technically do it right I
do want to finish off by just saying
thank you so much to all of you who
watch my videos enjoy them and support
what I do it really does mean a lot and
I’m just happy doing this I would be
doing it even if I was still not as big
as I am
and yeah today we’re gonna celebrate
this I got 100 subscribers to a lot of
people 100 subscribers is probably an
instigating insignificant number but it
means to me it means a lot so I just
wanted to thank you guys so much
like for all your support it doesn’t
matter if your I don’t know a new
subscriber or being here I don’t know
how
miss one-and-a-half months maybe
I just want to thank you guys I love you
all equally thank you so much for
commenting on my videos and rating them
subscribing and participating in any way
it just makes me happy and I don’t do
this because I want to be famous that’s
the main thing I wanted to say the only
reason why I do this is because it’s fun
and you guys are the biggest part of
that like it’s because of you guys that
this actually is fun and that’s why I
make videos and that’s why I’m gonna
keep making videos so thank you guys
again so much
[Music]
9 p.m. 9 o’clock at night tomorrow
morning I also have to get up at 5:30 in
the morning but I didn’t shoot a vlog
today I didn’t shoot a video which is
fine taking days off is fine but I shot
this morning which meant I started
something so if I didn’t do a vlog today
it would have meant starting something
and not finishing something and in my
book that’s not OK start something and
doesn’t finish something that is a loser
someone who starts something in always
finishes it that is a closer one of my
favorite movies is called Glengarry Glen
Ross here’s a quick scene they always
BBC closing always be closing always be
closing
yeah I tattooed that on my arm last week
I talked about that Voltaire quote
perfection is the enemy of good what
that means is you can never let your
desire for perfection prevent you from
finishing something that’s good because
to finish something even imperfectly
is to learn from it and then you can
move on and get closer to perfection
everybody but the successful people fail
to realize about any creative industry
is that there is absolutely no defined
path there isn’t one so it’s about
paving your own path and now for me my
path
meant mainstream just didn’t work and
new media did work and for other people
it’s entirely antithetical to that where
mainstream is exactly the right place
for them so there is no formula that’s
that’s right or wrong I’m just much
better versed in my own sure the
trajectory that I found myself and that
includes really running away from the
establishment into whatever the most
forward-thinking
the spaces focus focus is super
underrated like if you commit all that
you are and all of your energy to one
thing you’ll okay this like this tire
though this is I took this from a book
called I don’t know what it’s called but
it goes like this all right you can do
ten things to like the first degree like
this right here and that’s how well
you’ll do all ten things or you can do
one thing to the tenth degree right
there and look how much better you do
that so when it comes to focus to put
all of your energy into one thing is to
do that one thing really well to the
best of your abilities to take it all
the way and to scatter yourself means
you’re never actually accomplishing
anything you’re just sort of chipping
away at a bunch of nothingness and this
is true for work this is true for like
dating versus committing yourself to one
person friendship everything like really
focusing and investing yourself into
something you’re passionate about will
always yield better results then
scattering yourself around then
spreading yourself thin I don’t me
sympathy for you I’ve got a full-time
job
two kids baby wife house bills life
reality and if I can find time to make
some videos everyday then you can too
I know what high school is like I did it
for like a very short amount of time if
it’s something you really want to do you
will find the time one year of vlogging
before I started vlogging at a YouTube
channel for five years and in those five
years I had a whole bunch of huge viral
hits movies that I like sixteen million
views
for my subscriber growth was anemic the
channel growth is anemic flat like that
five years five hundred thousand
subscribers then I started uploading
daily and in five months I had five
hundred thousand more subscribers that’s
1 million subscribers five years for the
first 500 thousand five months for the
second 500 thousand so I kept uploading
and two months later I had another half
a million subscribers now here I am one
year out for doing daily uploads and
I’ve got two and a half million
subscribers YouTube is in Hollywood I’m
not Stanley Kubrick you can’t succeed
here if you’re uploading once a month if
you want to succeed here you’ve got a
shot for work every single day that that
took me five years to learn I didn’t
start daily vlogging to grow my youtube
channel I did it as a way to kill all of
those excuses I used that kept me from
making more movies because of every
single inflection point in my life doing
the work has always been the thing has
always been the catalyst that took me
from where I am to where I wanted to be
last night I was at the gym getting
swole I was listening to a guy named Dan
Ariely who’s a behavioral economist you
talking about why we work and his entire
sort of thesis was predicated on the
idea that we weren’t because we want to
not because we have to it made me think
about my youtube channel the fact that I
made like 600 videos in the last couple
of years and how much I and all that
I don’t get to do in life because I’m so
focused the last majority of the work
that I do including here in YouTube I
get paid for it definitely is not why I
show up I get out of this like longing
or hunger for accomplishment or this
idea of needing to complete something
professor I was listening to he equates
it to like climbing a mountain which is
a perfectly here is a picture of me and
my homie Graham at nearly 23,000 feet
above sea level
my brother van put that note in there
right after we got back so why don’t we
climb mountains I don’t get paid to
climb mountains it’s not fun do I look
too happy there I’m not happy I’m close
to death right there we climb mountains
for the same reason that we work it’s
because as human beings you have this
desire to do something to complete
something hmm I should preface this
answer by saying I definitely got made
fun of a lot for the way that I look
when I was in school and all those
bullies that picked on me are all losers
now so never forget that people who
judge others especially people who judge
others based on things like looks on
whether you’re black or white whether
you’re Jewish or you’re Muslim whether
you are gay or straight because of their
body type whether they’re fat or skinny
whether you have pimples or whether you
have a big butt these judgmental people
their opinions don’t matter because they
don’t matter
judgmental people are of a lower moral
authority than those who don’t judge and
we people who don’t judge we have a
responsibility to crush to destroy those
mean judgemental bullies and we do that
with an overwhelming positivity and we
do that with our extreme open-mindedness
and when you subscribe to those those
values you really stop caring what other
people think because chances are if
other people are judging you they’re
wrong hunger is a very very powerful
motivator and when I was living in that
trailer park with the kid like we were
on welfare for a while yeah I was a
dishwasher I worked in a crappy seafood
restaurant as a dishwasher which now
just sort of parenthetically my favorite
piece of advice to give to young people
saying I don’t know what I want to do
with my life I said get a job doing
something you hate
the fastest way to figure out what you
love and where you want to be in life is
by spending a lot of time doing
something you hate it’s miserable yeah
so you know spending 50 hours a week
scrubbing pots and pans was like I was
just in my head the whole time
fantasizing about what I want to do in
life I was making enough to like feed my
kid and pay my any of 300 bucks at
around 300 bucks a month rather than
mortgage on my trailer but my biggest
fear was not being broke because like
when you’re at rock-bottom
being around welfare you can still like
afford food you’re by yeah like I could
afford to afford my trailer it was like
we weren’t homeless and weren’t starving
so to me that was an absolute
destitution wasn’t really like that bad
there’s no dignity in it but still it
wasn’t were on the streets that’s right
so with that like my it’s like what is
it
Laszlo’s hierarchy of needs higher needs
like it’s like 136 meters format basic
needs were met then I started to look
around I realize like the greatest fear
for this like beautiful little baby boy
was that he would grow up and see his
dad as a loser and that is a once those
basic needs are met that’s an incredibly
powerful motivator yeah because you know
my dad who’s is absolutely not a loser
but I watched my dad to provide for his
family of six I watched him work 60
hours a week hating every minute of it
and he came home from work just hating
his job and I’m feeling trapped probably
I’m sure yeah he had a family to take
care of he struggled now he does really
loves he has a coffee shop now and he’s
never been happier but I watched that
and like I just saw myself going down
that trajectory and it wasn’t just a job
that I hated it was a job that I hated
that that didn’t provide it was a job
that I hated that did nothing but cover
those basic needs and that was the
motivator that was when that was the
motivator the catalyst for me giving up
and moving to New York and going for it
was I still look back and I don’t know
what that what that was right there only
like two times in my life right Jenny
Lee
no idea what I was thinking and I moved
to New York City in June of 2001 with
$800 and a three a place to stay for
three months I never went to film school
I never sort of apprenticed under a
filmmaker I was never taught and around
a mentor I never anybody that I followed
and the interesting thing that happens
when you don’t know the way is that you
have to find the way and I always get to
the destination which with these
finished movies but the path with which
I employ is radically different from
what’s the norm and again that’s not
some I don’t take credit for that as
some genius stylistic move is just I
don’t know like I still don’t know how
to do proper titles titling like my
assistant editor did those titles which
is why most of the movies on my youtube
channel all the titles are just hand
written on paper and then the piece of
papers filmed because I don’t know how
to do it right I don’t know how to do
After Effects so all my animation is
like be stop frame and now sort of in
success I have the opportunities to use
all of the tools that were always so
elusive to me so now it’s a much more
conscious decision
a sort of handmade
I produce two feature films that were
still a big hit they neared if I can’t
film festival in Sun there I like got an
award that Natalie Portman gave me on TV
that my dad watch and I just like I
remember having this moment where I
realized that like I was so into this
thing that wasn’t really didn’t feel
right to me it’s different trying to
trying to find opportunities when you
are in a place of success when it was no
longer starving I wasn’t hungry anymore
I had some recognition but something
didn’t feel right and that was when I
took this big hit it that hit it was –
like you know what it’s not the politics
is not the Natalie Portman didn’t need
the award rubbish losing then I love I
love telling stories long stories
and that was where I decided to sort of
walk away from TV walk away from movies
I just wanted to make youtube videos and
I remember like my Hollywood agent when
I sort of told that to him he was like
okay you know you know this is four
years ago YouTube five years you know
YouTube was was nothing it was something
that was silly it was like a really
great place to go and watch cats play
the piano
and I wanted to like parlay my career at
the very successful filmmaker into into
that and I can’t tell you the
opportunities that were birthed from
that it’s given me what I have today
that’s opportunity those are
opportunities those are opportunities
that in the moment I couldn’t have told
you were opportunities I didn’t know
what they were there was something that
just felt right there was something that
looked right I did my best calculations
I took my best guess it wasn’t reckless
I never operate recklessly and this is
an important differentiation between
recklessness and fearlessness I always
do my best to operate without fear don’t
not do something don’t skip something
because I’m afraid to do it but make
sure it’s a smart decision and then part
two of that is is is obligation I feel
obliged to embrace opportunities like
that
I thought obliged to quit my job I felt
obliged to walk away from HBO and the
obligation was because there was
something in me there’s a truth that I
wanted and the obligation was to embrace
that Apple came out with the iPod and in
2003 my iPod battery died and I called
up and I was like dead broke at the time
I was a president I called up Apple to
fix it and they’re like yeah just buy a
new one and it really pissed me off so I
called them back when I recorded the
phone call and and this is at the time I
know this is at the time when when Apple
had those like awesome like those
silhouette with the colors posters all
over New York City I mean the whole city
was covered in them so I recorded the
phone call and then my brother van and I
went
with this stencil and we spray-painted
iPods unreplaceable battery lasts only
18 months on every one of these in New
York City and I’m sure we were wise
asses but we just thought we’d educate
the masses like if Apple wasn’t gonna do
we thought we would and the irony here
is that this video is like huge this is
before YouTube this is one viral net
like chlamydia in a frat house like this
was this thing was huge like this was
emailed all over the place millions of
views Steve Jobs sending me hate mail
and then like a week later Apple change
the policy and they’re like yeah we were
gonna do it anyways which is great but
again this video brought a lot of
eyeballs up to my brother and me and
people got to see all these other little
stupid videos that we’ve been making for
years and I try to like find some press
for you guys this is seven years ago so
I couldn’t really find but this was some
of that and anyhow I brought a lot of
attention to us and if anything it drove
home the point that like you don’t need
any of that understood infrastructure
this was just like us being pissed off
and that was enough motivation so what
made this movie and now we had all this
attention and we drilled that home for
stuck with that for a really long time
and now you know I made sort of serious
movies I just shot a documentary of each
drunk dock in Afghanistan which is gonna
be kind of serious but I never let go of
that and I still make sort of like
wiseass off movies and this summer
I tell this story but this summer I was
riding my bike in New York City and I
was pulled over in the pouring rain by a
police officer for riding my bike
outside of the bike I come on man that’s
like right so I filmed him the cop in my
iPhone naturally and then I made a movie
of me going around trying to show the
officer while you can’t always ride in
the bike lanes and I crashed into
everything I found so the video is just
me arguing with a cop for like 30
seconds than me crashing my bike for
another two minutes
and this thing was huge I mean this
thing was bigger than the iPod movie
this was gigantic like I was on every
news outlet and Bloomberg had to answer
to it in a in a press conference and
what is this the Guardian called me a
warrior which is awesome and and it was
huge and and this again is another good
exemplification of the idea that it’s
just embraced the resources that you
have available to you and this is what I
try to talk to young kids about in this
what I try to reinforce is that like let
go of all the pretensions that is
filmmaking and embrace what you have
available to you I want to talk about
risk as a guiding principle life shrinks
and life expands in direct proportion to
your willingness to assume risk yeah I
like I’ve made some really stupid
decisions in my career for my entire
career on a broad plane they’ve all
worked out every time I’ve quit my jobs
which I’ve done every time I’ve had a
job people that I trust most people that
I love all advise against it my dad told
me not to move to New York City because
it was such a risk
and every time I every time I took these
bigger risks the opportunity for a
larger payout was always there life is
like this super temporary mega fragile
thing you only get like a nugget of time
to really pursue the things you care
about
and like I’m thirty thirty and my rule
is that the right time is always right
to put a little meat on these bones this
new company that I don’t really talk
about this new company is the biggest
risk I’ve ever taken I took five years
of my life to build my advertising
career and I made like a lot of money
I’ve been doing really great look at my
youtube channel go all the way back
the last branded content thing you’ll
see was in February of 2014 I ditched it
all to pursue something I knew nothing
about this huge risk and I did it at a
time when my wife was pregnant and there
was all of this vulnerability and all
the scariness in my life and even now at
33 my dad’s at 34 my dad said Casey
that’s crazy
you’ve got a kid thing don’t let it go
but I know that like someday I won’t be
able to do this I know that the time is
now the time the right time is always
now so I had to do it that’s how I feel
about risk in general and that’s what
the struggle has always been for me is
like identifying risk identifying fear
and then just smashing through it
because a fear is looking back and
wishing that I had done these things the
most dangerous thing you can do in your
career the most dangerous thing you can
do in life is play it safe
gentleman over YouTube but boogie2988
coming at you live honking in terraPower
my internet loving to you look all the
90 day coming at you liable to get to
the Parisian elevator Nigel’s get to the
power what’s up ladies and gentlemen of
YouTube boogie2988 coming at you live
once again at 40 years old I take 15
pills a day and an injection just to
stay alive and and on top of that my
knees are shot my back is shot
I have trouble walking I have trouble
standing hell these days I have trouble
sitting comfortably the excuse you use
is that it’s a choice but let’s be
honest would anyone choose this I mean
look at this look at this do you think I
would choose this or do you think I’m
doing everything I humanly can to fight
it the misperception that fat people are
stupid or lazy or weak-willed is one of
the dumbest things I have ever heard
because it takes a lot of will and
effort to live a day like this much less
trying to fight it
[Music]
you get into this cycle now a lot of
people I don’t think realize and I hate
to quote a Fat Bastard from the Austin
Powers movies but he says I’m I eat
because I’m sad and then I’m sad because
I eat but that is the cycle that you get
into like you eat because you’re sad and
you’re miserable and you’re unhappy and
eating feels good it makes you happy on
some level and then the fact that you’re
getting fatter makes you sadder see we
you get Society and eat you cry eat crap
eventually most people my size will eat
while crying about the fact that they’re
eating you know but you do it anyway you
repeat the cycle you’re Peter you repeat
it repeat it and that cycle for me it
started at a very very early age at the
age of seven I was heavier than the
other kids by twenty-five fifty pounds
by the time I graduated high school I
was 350 pounds by the time I was thirty
I was almost 600 pounds and through
therapy over the years I have learned
that my eating disorder and what I’ve
done to my body largely stems from the
fact that I was born into a family full
of crazy people who did not want me
there and they mentally and physically
and even sexually abused me at point so
this is just kind of how I retaliated
the amount of pain that’s in my head in
my heart is immeasurable it haunts me
every day of my life and always will
cause that I have to diagnose disorders
the first is PTSD I have extreme anxiety
several times a day some of the simplest
things seeing a shoe on the floor or
saying and soda on the edge of a chair
or a edge of a table or whatever my
brain won’t trigger it’s awful I feel
like I’m dying I feel like I’m going to
die I lose my breath I lose my mind I go
crazy I get angry I get sad I get
depressed I get everything I could
suicidal like I’m afraid it won’t end
I’m afraid it will end I’m afraid I’ll
end myself once they twice they through
one of the things that helps with that
is food it’s one of the only things now
and so when this happens I’ll eat it’s
the second disorder I have an obsessive
compulsive eating this work I mean that
kind of mental pain when I’m in that
kind of anguish
[Music]
a daemon whether attempted suicide the
day my father lost his hearing in the
coal mines the day that he had a stroke
due to his alcoholism the day my mother
tried to claw my eyes out and I jumped
out of a moving car to save my left eye
still doesn’t work so good I was barely
worth saving
or any of that stuff I eaten two one now
triceps three two one
biceps pull them up three two one
Chester tries first and the biggest
abuser I endured was at the hands the
mode the most abuse I endured was at the
hands of my mother
and I’ve always wanted to talk about
that like really talk about it I’ve
turned on this camera maybe a dozen
times since YouTube came into my life
and I’ve talked about it and I’ve never
had the bravery to upload the video you
guys I think about what people are going
to think or what people are gonna say
will I be perceived as weak
will I be made fun of or people even
believe me
[Music]
I was abused now once a month
not once a week but physically everyday
sometimes with the small gap in between
of the day
I was cut I was burned with cigarettes
was stabbed his throne was picked up and
thrown
[Music]
my mom told me that she had me to get it
right because she’d fucked up my brother
and she fucked up my sister but me I was
the one that she was supposed to do it
right do it the way was supposed to do
mom did not she definitely did not
succeed at that she revisited everything
she ever did to my brother and my sister
tenfold
[Music]
Stephen sitting here thinking about that
stuff so many stories I want to tell in
this dump
even now I’m ashamed to tell them
[Music]
my sister got taken out of her home
because of the abuse she received she
was I think 13 or 14 they left me there
for some reason
I’ll never understand them I’ll never
understand that not that the foster care
system might foster care system my
sister went into was any better not that
she didn’t get beaten and destroyed
there either but god damn it someone
should have fucking it hoped you know
and it fucks you up for life
[Music]
like that stuff never goes away it gets
better it never goes away I’m sitting
here a 41 year old man with PTSD and an
anxiety disorder and a 500-pound body
where I tried to eat myself to death to
cope with it man and I just
[Music]
now my primary abuser which is my mother
she passed in 2009 and while there was a
very sad thing and very difficult to
deal with it was also bittersweet
because it brought me some very
necessary closure in my life that
allowed me to finally start a healing
what you what you’re working on yeah
he’s pretty there sorry hey what do you
think about him being on on that TV what
do you think about him being on that
that internet that YouTube do you think
it’s crazy do you think he’s do you
think it’s crazy yeah I can’t argue that
no I think it’s important to note here
that that is the reason that this has
happened but it is not an excuse there
is no excuse for what I’ve done I was
brought into this world with just one
body and I have effectively ruined it
and not only have I caused myself a ton
of mental and physical anguish because
of it but the people who love me and
count on me they suffered too and and
that includes all of the people who’ve
watched me over the years here on
YouTube
my eating disorder has also caused me to
feel shame and self-loathing and social
anxiety and just misery of untold
proportions but I have to stop to admit
that it did serve a very important role
in my life
[Music]
when I was a young teenager and I was
suicidal food kept me alive because it
was the only source of joy and a life
that was otherwise filled entirely with
misery when I was a broke young adult
and I was even homeless I knew that if I
got five bucks I could take it to a
pizza buffet and eat thousands of
calories if I didn’t know where my next
meal was coming from I had the ability
to eat and eat a lot and I knew that
that would keep me going for some time
and I also free use food like everybody
else it’s like a social lubricant you
know you go out to a business dinner or
you go out to dinner with your friends
or you go out to dinner on a first date
or you just use your comfort foods to
deal with the stress of life or the
stress of work that’s something I do as
well
I just do it far too much and food
served a much more nefarious purpose one
that I think is it’s kind of difficult
to put into a YouTube video but I think
I want to be entirely honest here as a
young adult when I would talk to a
doctor which was pretty rarely
they would tell me if you continue to
eat the way you’re eating you’ll be dead
by 30 or maybe 35 and when he told me
that that would actually not be a bad
thing to me that would be a very
relaxing thing because after a lifetime
of misery and a lifetime of mental
disorder I often consider death to be
relaxing or relieving something that I
actually looked forward to I was never
fully suicidal but I knew that it would
be the way that would finally cure what
was wrong with me up here and of course
what I’d done to my body as well
if you are 50 or more pounds overweight
you are absolutely damaging your body if
you’re a hundred pounds are more
overweight than you are damaging in a
way that will eventually kill you and
God forbid if you’re my size you are
going to be absolutely miserable you owe
it to yourself and everyone that loves
you to do everything you can to be as
healthy as possible and that does
include losing weight if you have a list
of reasons that you’re overweight and
you’re unhappy being that way where you
need to start attacking each and every
single step everything that’s on that
list if you’re unhappy if you’re
depressed if you’re physically unfit
start fixing that stuff today that’s
something I had to do it’s something I’m
in the process of doing and it’s
something you’re going to have to do if
you want to live longer if you want to
be healthy and for some of us if you
want to be happy
I don’t know your situation you may be
in a wheelchair you may be a burden
thing them you may be extraordinarily
unhealthy or extraordinarily unhappy and
I I’m not here to judge you but I am
Telling You that no matter what your
situation there’s no reason not to fight
for something good there’s no reason not
to fight to help yourself and help those
loved ones around you there’s no reason
not to try every single day no matter
how futile the situation is no matter
how futile you think life is no matter
how meaningless you feel that the world
is you know and I hope that you can take
inspiration in that
if you know me at all you know I have a
very singular message when it comes to
being overweight
don’t be learn from my mistakes
don’t end up in the unbearable amount of
pain and discomfort I am in every day if
you’re overweight you’re impacting your
health and you need to do your best to
try to be as healthy as humanly possible
please do it for me if not yourself
you have to love yourself no matter who
or what you are you have to stand up and
let the world love you and if you do
you’re gonna draw haters and they’re
going to hate you for standing up for
what you believe in and what you are but
fuck them and I definitely have my
haters whenever I create a video
hundreds of you flocked to the comments
or to my Twitter or to Reddit
to tell me what a fat worthless piece of
shit I am please try to lead healthy
happy lives and learn from my mistakes
do better do better
alright I have done undone a lot of the
damage in here undone a lot of the
damage in here and I have the medical
science backing me up with surgery
looming sometime in the future and I
know that this 8 pounds of weight loss
is not only 8 pounds smaller than my
original starting goal but it’s 8 pounds
I’m never going to weight get back I’m
never going to weigh 528 pounds again in
my life I hope I’ll never weigh 520
pounds again in my life
I hope I hit 519 this week and I never
look back
[Music]
but if you don’t watch every day or you
don’t watch very often do me a favor
check back in about a year if it’s mark
my words I’m pretty sure and I’ve said
it before but this time I think it’s
gonna work I’ll be half the man I used
to be and I’m pretty happy about that
guys
thanks for watching I love you very much
let’s see weight loss is starting to
move a little bit the scale is finally
starting to move we would hit the 800
pound mark roughly and I’m pretty happy
about that having lost a full hundred
pounds I got a lot more weight to go
[Music]
take it from a morbidly obese guy learn
from my mistakes do better and that
seems it critical i’m flying for that as
long as you do better okay promise me
you will I’m currently at about a
hundred and fifty pounds down since my
pre-op diet and a little over a hundred
pounds since the surgery date which was
almost exactly six months ago today at
six months ago this week moving forward
I’m very excited because I’m looking
forward to the future for the first time
since ever I hope you guys check back in
to me in a few more months to see how
I’m doing and for those of you who
followed me through this journey so far
thank you for being there for those of
you have been here long before this
journey began back with us Joe Joe
dieting and making promises every day
that I was finally going to get it that
I finally had it well you waited and
here we are it paid off it took surgical
intervention to get me there but we’re
there guys thanks for watching I love
you very much I’ll speak with you again
soon
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