the number one key to success is
goal-setting of course I’m a good
student so I always read another book
second book says forget goal-setting
well is it he’s nice but that is not it
say go to your blues – you’re blue in
the face what you don’t learn to do in
your life is manage your turn you have
great goals with a middle manager time
times the only resource you can control
it is your life I thought that’s true
the number one key to success time
management or isn’t a third book then
forget time management forget goals a
whole key with all this discipline you
can play with your time management all
day long if you can’t discipline
yourself you’ve got nothing that’s truly
discipline till I read the fourth book
which says forget this one forget time I
forgot a step of all blue because if
your discipline that you don’t believe
is going to work well we’ve never died
you won’t see a workman by the way which
one of these is truly good number one
foundation feel all successful that’s
right they all are in fact that list
doesn’t end here it doesn’t so that got
me frustrated like how do you work on
all these things simultaneously our know
the one thing that’s worth of us alone
everything else will fall into place
when I searched and I searched my
interview people until one day I
embossed the number one key to all
success in white if you’re interested my
one write the same only if you’re
interested in the number one key to all
success in life if not know more than
jot it down the answer I came up with a
number one key to all success is
knowledge knowledge I said certainly
people who succeed they know things that
other people just don’t know that’s why
they’re so much more successful but
knowledge is get and as soon as I wrote
down knowledge of my notes I crossed it
out because that was definitely not it
how could you even write that down
you’re my you know no better than that
see if it was knowledge and everybody
who’s educated would be successful you
know that’s not true
right how many of you in this room how
many of you people in this room right
now know somebody who should change your
life they know they should change their
life you’re gonna know how they could
change their life what they still gonna
do it how are you know something like
baby intimately yeah that’s right
so know why it sells not enough see
knowing is great but it’s not enough
knowledge is not power now with this
information how are something else and
what I think is the really number one
key to our success is something I call
personal power this is really at John
Adair personal power that to me is the
single number-one foundational key to
all success if you use it you can get
everything else that you want personal
power means the ability to take action
to follow through to take the steps that
are necessary to take an idea and
translate it into reality and it’s the
number one tool that most people like
never exercise and forget that every one
of us has right now and in any other
life even if you haven’t used this gift
we’re 20 years right now by one decision
you could start using your power you
could start following through you can
stake this idea in your head and turn it
into physical reality what are the ideas
how you want to make your relationship
or how you want input your children well
the kind of money you want to make or a
business you want to start it doesn’t
matter it is available right now all you
do is this side and then follow through
there you go for Tony what if I do life
nothing it doesn’t work
that’s what we’ll learn something today
well we’re gonna share with you there’s
probably worth writing down so you want
to definitely capture it years ago I met
a very very successful man he taught me
something I never forgot for the rest of
my life he said Tony whatever you do in
your life whenever you find you’re gonna
go someplace where there’s some great
ideas and great resources he said always
make sure you take a pen and paper these
things what you want to do is you want
to be able to capture those ideas and
submit them to paper so you can review
them in the future that what he got me
to do was to keep a journal and I would
HIGHLY encourage you by the time you
come to the next management session or
maybe even during a break today if you
wanted you to get yourself a hardbound
journal our town journal meeting not a
loose-leaf and you can get those in all
kinds of stationery stores some
religious bookstores the bottom line is
if you keep a journal
you don’t even write it every day but
when you get thoughts or ideas you
capture it there you can’t believe what
will happen you’ll start to accumulate a
wealth of knowledge and ability and
skills and resources that not only will
help you you can help other people as
well I’ve been keeping journals myself
now for about a dozen years and I go
back and review my life and has two real
values I think one is it gives you a
chance to really see how much you’ve
grown because how many of you have kids
I’m curious I’m gonna be out of somebody
come save all your kids really grow on
you really because you’re so close to
them you don’t notice it as much how
many found out to be true guess when
it’s even worse with yourself sometimes
we don’t give ourselves credit than the
amount that we’re growing but I’ll tell
you one thing if you keep a journal it
won’t be hard to see how much you’re
growing cuz you’ll see the kind of goals
you have back then the kind of things
you’ve bought back in those days and
you’ll begin to see the evolutionary
growth also I personally believe that
life’s worth living it’s worth recording
that’s an incredible gift to give to
your children because someday they get
to know exactly how you were at
different times in your life and they
get to learn your lessons and I’ll go
through it so I highly encourage you do
that but it’s a very minimum let’s make
sure we take notes
you guys ready to crank Frank let’s do
it so this whole weekend is about
connecting and communication really it’s
about communication relationship I make
everything worthwhile the technology
that we’re gonna share with you this
weekend is a unique name we call it
reality bridging reality bridging
we make it go into a deep trance trying
to figure out what that means right
we’re gonna clarify for you but reality
bridging the technology of the vital
communication and true freedom is what
you’re gonna find is you’re gonna find
there’s gonna be a vitality in your
communication when you start using the
techniques we’re gonna teach you and
there’s gonna be a sense of absolute
freedom where you can share with
somebody what your real feelings are and
never ever offend them they won’t have
to hear you and cry and feel bad and you
won’t feel so bad either we want to make
sure the communication is vital that
you’re always connecting that you feel
good when you’re communicating so does
the person you’re communicating with and
it produces results that’s our outcome
and to be able to do that without him to
worry creates an unbelievable level
freedom for people because how many of
you be honest have felt feelings at
times and you’re upset but you didn’t
share it because you didn’t know how or
you didn’t share it because well you
thought well maybe it’s really about me
or you didn’t share it because you
didn’t want to offend somebody even
though you were bad or upset I really
got that experience in the past and when
you don’t share something what happens
when you just keep it inside and build
it up
yeah it festers doesn’t get better or
worse I think it’s a lot worse and
eventually what happens when you blow up
about something that could have been
handled so much easier along the way but
then there’s the other approach which is
you’re looking for things on a regular
basis to be able to give people feedback
about and some people develop that habit
or you communicate in a way where
basically you’re communicating your
feelings like you’re upset but do you
always have all the information no and
so you’re making a decision about how to
feel based on false information how many
were gonna upset later on for a little
dumb Japan that you’re upset about
something really should have been upset
about
so one philosophy says keep it inside it
applause he says we’ll get it out but
what if you get it out and then you find
out if we’re wrong by the way do we like
being wrong No so then what would he
probably do just to find a fan well
that’s swell yeah I know that but they
can’t give you up you’ve done that
before
and that does not make a relation to
work plus that person gets upset it’s
kinda like didn’t you ever come up to
you and say yeah you know why you have
set in your monitor no no yeah you are
no I’m not yes you are well I’m getting
upset okay that also happens unless
we’re really clear so what we really
gonna do is we’re gonna start a whole
basis of studying of communication to
remember one thing like the senior notes
if you would and that is the quality of
your life is directly related to the
quality of your communication the
quality of your life is the quality of
your communication period quality of
your life is the quality of your
communication now pretty basic idea
nothing earth-shattering but I’m gonna
tell you that’s Ling and taught your
entire life comes down to this quality
of your entire life comes down to
quality how you communicate with home no
know with whom first you think and
determines how you know that’s right
well in your life starts with the
quality of how you communicate to
yourself that’s where it all starts how
you feel is not based on the environment
is it based like how do you feel is that
determine based on like whether or not
you have lots of money yes or no a
little mixed reaction on that one oh
well no no no it’s not no absolutely not
no how’s that for incongruent
communication from a lot of your okay
some of you I’m a little mixed feelings
about this don’t you let me ask you a
question how do you know somebody who
has tons of money they’re still not
happy I’ll interesting how many of you
know somebody who doesn’t have anybody
at all it seems I’m very happy
so does money determine your happiness
yes or no how do you know if you have a
lot so many though you’d be happy you’re
different
I have your money on be happy no problem
give me your money we’ll try okay people
say money can’t buy happiness don’t know
where to shop now see that that’s not
gonna do it is it it’s not the money
it’s how you communicate yourself about
money your lack of it or the abundance
you think you have by the way it can be
one of an abundance what communicates it
himself but they’re still in scarcity
yes or no absolutely
so money doesn’t is how you feel
determined by whether or not the weather
is good yes oh really
are there people in freezing weather
we’re very happy yes or no
are there people hot whether they’re
very happy yes or no other people that
are in either of those weathers in the
opposite degree that have opposite
feelings is that tranch you got yet yes
see the weather doesn’t determine it is
it what are you happy not determined by
whether or not other people say they
love you you know yes with you but it
shouldn’t so you sit there and shoot all
over yourself okay you’re right I
probably shouldn’t but a lot of us can’t
bet real directly but I got a question
for you somebody comes up to you and
they tell you why they come up and they
hug you or they look at you that certain
special
are they passionate my question for you
is was it really kiss the minute no I
don’t mix up and that’s true kissing
your dog would get you excited it wasn’t
a kiss
it was the meaning you associated to
that particular moment when tissue
touched tissue in the unique way that’s
really it isn’t it it isn’t actually yes
[Applause]
it isn’t actually the event itself is it
it is rather than what we communicated
to ourselves about that event so many
hundred you feel good do they make you
feel good yes or no no what makes you
feel good as you got a set of rules
inside your head and say if somebody
touches me quite like this they look
like that sound smell feel like this
then I get to say and so you say okay
it’s time to feel good you start feeling
good so bottom line is we determine how
we feel by the way we communicate to
ourselves by the meaning that we
communicate about a situation see it’s
not the event that determines how we
feel it’s the meaning that we associate
to the event the terms how we feel and
that meaning is something we create and
we communicate to ourselves if you’re
upset about anything all upsets come
down to the meaning you associate to
something you’re upset about something
is because you’re thinking well that’s
because this means they don’t care about
me or this means I’m no longer in
control or this means I’m not respect
there this means all upset is based on
the meaning and how many times we’ve
been wrong when you linked up the
meaning anybody been wrong yes or no yes
this means you ask I’ll guide you
through this okay we’ve all been wrong
so what we’ve got to really be able to
do is to realize one thing and right at
your notes nothing in life has any
meaning except the meaning that I give
it nothing in life has any meaning
except the meaning that I give it
nothing in life has any meaning except
the meaning that I give it you’re the
one that puts the label on what things
mean and the last time you’re with me I
gave you the phrase when we talked about
transformational vocabulary if you
recall transformational vocabulary is
the idea that we get all these pictures
and sounds and feelings and sensations
start to come in our body but we don’t
know what it means so we put a label on
it so you’ve got all these things they
feel uncomfortable I feel kind of
painful and you call that humiliation
will that intensify the feeling more
than if you say you know I’m all
frustrated yes or no you better believe
it the label we put on our experience
becomes our experience and we are the
person doing the labeling now I’m
granted I’ll agree that most of us are
on automatic pilot we’re using a
labeling and a communication process
that we don’t even think about
consciously and we can easily point to
the people show how they created that
feeling for us and certainly they helped
us to get into state they helped us by
giving us some feedback but we still
determine the feeling they give an
example I was in Hawaii recently I
couldn’t believe it I read this article
not something on TV when they
interviewed this guy he’s out swimming
and the shark came and bit his leg off
yeah you think he’s really upset why
would you be upset of science you lost
your leg after the initial pain why
would you stay upset because of the
meaning you’d like to that right what
would be the meaning that would make you
feel upset all the time that’s right the
meaning of a loss that you would lost
something see almost all pain all pain
you’re ever gonna feel in your life the
pain that people have that makes them
upset
it all starts with theirs I call it an
emotional anatomy it all starts in one
place pain starts with number one I’ll
put it down the bottom here a feeling of
loss
feeling loss now can you ever really
lose anything
only if you proceed that there’s a loss
is that true are you follow me on this
now for a second you’d only feel loss if
you perceive it in other words you have
to tell yourself there’s a loss you have
to communicate that you lost something
this man was not upset in fact he was
concerned about the shark yeah he says
guys are drugged he was sincere because
his belief was that number one he was
responsible not the shark because he was
a swimmer and he knew that in the area
was a shark so that he’s thrashing
around on the top they they get the
turtle will come after him and his
concern was that people are so upset
about it the people are gonna go out and
rage and kill the sharks in that area
how’s that for sorting by others instead
of sorting myself so the meaning for him
was this was a learning experience
that’s what it meant to him other people
would mean I maimed for life with a
different meaning that he communicated
he would have said I’m maimed for life
I’ll never be the same you know I can
never accomplish anything
I’ll never a woman would never be
attracted to me I’ll be a gift for the
rest of my life he wouldn’t link those
means do you think he would have been at
the same state yes or no no way by the
way maybe this is temporary right I
don’t know I don’t know this guy I’m not
gonna be around a long time meet him I
can tell you for years when I’ve known
his interview people who absolute what I
think are spiritual masters when I mean
my spiritual masters not flying to East
and meeting somebody who sits and
meditates I mean somebody who doesn’t
have the loose of the legs or their arms
and lives an absolute joy is totally
loving and tries to figure out to
contribute to other people to me that’s
a spiritual master I’ll tell you what
there’s tons of them they’re my friend’s
name cuz I gonna learn from them you
know I find out they have developed
belief systems that had helped them to
interpret human behavior in a way that
causes them not to be upset because no
matter what happens they finally figured
out something do you want to succeed
life so figure out how it works
and then do it that way not the way you
think it should be say what most of us
do is you run around like little these
rules or how life should be about how
you should be in a jury how doctors
should be how staffs should be how
patients should be
they’re gonna be how they really are not
how you want them to be and then every
time they don’t meet your criteria right
you communicate yourself it’s time to be
annoyed or maybe a more intense worked
it’s that true when you have an upset of
any sort you’re feeling some negative
emotion it always comes down to really
you have a feeling of what loss but do
you ever really lose no you ever lose
anything it just changes form ain’t
nothing in the entire universe ever
disappears nothing not your physical
body not rocks not stones nothing
everything in the uniform universe
transforms from one form to another you
take water you turn destroy it let’s say
you boil it what does it become
steam everything in the world transforms
to a higher level it’s always
transforming you gotta realize you can’t
lose anything you can transform things
you can’t lose anything now you can try
and pretend you’ve lost something you
can only be upset with somebody think oh
my god I lost their love or or they lost
mine I’ve lost respect how do you lose
respect you can’t lose something that’s
already inside of you sit on this people
are looking for love all the wrong
places
well it was not something you have to go
looking for that’s where you come from
I was not something up to go looking for
words where you come so you can’t move
something everything you thought you
lose is already exciting you see if you
won’t feel respect it’s good as new I’m
choosing to focus on being respected
you’re not communicating yourself you
should be respected what if I said
something to you I said in a way that
made you feel disrespected it made you
feel disrespected or you took what I
said managed to interpret it represent
to yourself and communicate yourself
that my saying and that’s otherwise
means I don’t respect you therefore you
can’t have these here
not make any sense no we do it all turn
yes
do we want to continue to do it no okay
you want to change that you can’t ever
lose anything now you can proceed you
lost something by the way you some
people who not lost the limb not lost
their eyesight not lost anything feel
like they lost over a little stupid
things yes or no some people feel lost
upon something you never even had in the
first place like they have this goal
that didn’t happen I lost my goal you
never had it well they have this
expectation most upsets are about
expectations that aren’t met isn’t it
true you expect something something you
expect yourself to do something you
expected life to do something you expect
to the weather be a certain way and it
didn’t happen
I lost now how could you lose out on
something you never have you must have
been very confused so you can’t lose but
if you want to feel bad what you have to
do is have the illusion of loss create
the illusion blocks that’s all you have
to do feel that imagine how to feel bad
step one feel bad create the illusion
once you make sure you take notes and I
want to feel bad you know what to do now
have the illusion of loss what that
usually does does that creates the
second major emotion in the anatomy of
human emotion and that is feeling of
hurt feel hurt and usually what happens
is people don’t notice the lost thing
they notice they feel hurt if they’re
sensitive
cuz this thing happens pretty fast
doesn’t and we forgotten it’s lost all
we know is we feel hurt anytime somebody
feels hurt what it really is
they have a sense of loss about
something it lost out on their
expectation they lost out on what they
thought they had they think they’ve lost
out on something else they think they’re
missing out I think something has
changed I think they’re losing something
they feel bad they feel hurt how many
that I felt hurt in a personal
relationship great tell me raise your
hand tell me what did you feel heard
about him in exam yes sir if I heard
about this honesty meaning you thought
this person had been dishonest with you
now are we absolutely certain that this
person was dishonest that he felt that
was dishonest yes or no is it possible
this person was not dishonest whether he
interpreted their behavior is dishonest
yes or no
to know that conversation not long ago I
couldn’t even believe it she was like
all hurt look she said I don’t in she
was she went to the next level and I’ll
tell you what it is most people in the
way
don’t stay in her a man is immediately
amp up into anger it’s that true that’s
right and that’s the third emotion so if
you’re angry what you really are is what
her which means you really just have a
sense of what that’s really it
so my mom was upset I was like what you
upset with me about it what I do cheers
well she does flowers for seminars and
she asked me if I would contact this
hotel and have the hotel like use your
services and I said I’m you willing to
but I don’t think they do that and they
never do it for us
well she talks somebody else and that
somebody else told her that the hotel
does it all the time and they contract
with somebody else here son must not
really care about you
now she was also in a very stressful
state as the state we’re in and just our
normal life affect the way we interpret
meaning yeah she was stressed about one
of the things so while she’s in the
stressful say somebody said what story
to Minho my son he just thinks I’m a
pain in the butt
he doesn’t eat us he just wants to get
rid of me he must be ashamed with my
work he does not like my flowers he
would create all this wonderful stuff
can we create all kinds of man
I’m good at creating in your head
okay
I am too we all are and I’m picking on
my mom dress me oh really in Egypt
he taught me everything I know he did
teach me a great deal gonna give me a
great foundation for my life point is
though seriously she’s all upset and she
bought that I have wider enough for
someone she said she I lied to her what
do you think happen to me like me
honesty is one of my highest is I’m
probably too honest I don’t be equal
everything all right what like the fact
that you question my honesty how many of
you something question your honesty and
you know you’re honest I mean that
really upset you what do you think I got
when she said that how could you say
that I just did all these things for you
I said what are you talking I can’t even
believe that why was i angry because I
felt by her statement and they felt hurt
because i descend to what wasa my loss
to us how could we lose that connection
knowing to each other our when my own
mom
when i do anything for i just got done
doing this anything for her that I mean
blew her out of her shorts she didn’t
ever expect it I blew out an interesting
picture so you know what happened those
I realized that if I respond to her in a
state of anger well that’d probably work
now it didn’t work so I realized I need
to change my state and I asked myself a
question it helped me a lot
the question I ask is what’s probably
going on with her that makes her treat
me this way or treat people this way
well respond this way instead of how
dare she what how could you treat me
this way after I’ve done so much for her
which one do what make you more what sad
different question a so what’s going on
with her that’s making her spot on this
one what she stressed about mastered she
told me she apologized and just dropped
by the way I’m gonna tell you the leaf I
want you to member to the rest of your
life if all you do is remember this a
whole week and really remembered at the
right times it’ll change the way you
communicate a little bit I believe is
this then in any communication with
another human being
well you get a response from someone in
any communication with another human
being you get a response from someone
that response is either a loving
response or a cry for help
in any communication that you have with
another human being they give you some
kind of response they respond you in
some way in that communication is either
a loving response or a cry for help
that’s it those the only two kinds of
responses one more time in any
communication with everything being and
they respond do they communicate to you
they react to you they respond to you
that reaction that response I don’t care
what it looks like on the outside what
it seems like it’s either a loving
response or a cry for help which one do
you think my mom was doing in the
situation was that a lovely response or
a cry for help there’s a cry for help
and help to say I’m feeling what hurt
because I have a sense of what it may
not be true but that’s what I feel that
wasn’t a cry for help how do most people
respond to a cry for help with another
cry for Allen is that true how do I
first start to respond to my mom she’s
angry with me she I mean how could you
do this to me what’s going on I get a me
back so I respond with a growl
how do you how can you say this to me
don’t pull this crap I mean look what I
do free we’re gonna grab this
interesting so when do people are
yelling at each other crying growl back
and forth who gets out nobody so you
know what happens their anger doesn’t
stop what happens is the anger there’s
one place either starts going out to
other people and becomes resentment
built never said that may be expressed
or not expressed usually resentments
expressed non-invertible eat other
people and some people do it by thinking
they’re exempt in the resentment and
they express it by what they call
confrontation and they actually feel
good about it they say oh one of those
people keeps inside I confront people
little bastards
I don’t really build a quality
communication on it I confront I don’t
keep it inside you I’ll tell you what’s
wrong yes say will you this is this
baby’ll this way I request the hugie you
change
hmm ever try this mm-hmm you know what
that doesn’t work it can work anything
can work tone of voice she uses those
gonna play a bigger role for what you
say anything agree your facial
expressions can play a bigger role the
way you say how many greet somebody else
can sit there listen to you and say yes
I’ll buy by your request but it’s how to
okay that’s not communication that’s not
quality communication I want to change
and enhance our plumbing the other thing
we can do is we feel anger instead of
presenting and confronting we can just
keep it inside and then keeping the side
usually what it becomes as depression he
would have press don’t even know why
these people are depressed they felt
like they’re not in control my things
are happening are not control of the
night bill would communicate and get
control of their life a lot of times
depression is directly relating the fact
that kept his anger and sign these
upsets they haven’t expressed and they
become compressed how they can relate to
this not new with other people you’ve
seen good luck puzzle so the bottom line
is we’ve got to do when somebody
responds to us with a cry for help is
give them what kind of response which of
the Jewish laws will show you give
somebody when they give us cry for help
a loving response is that always easy to
do now but it requires you to remember
that no matter what it looks like
they’re just really crying for help you
guys are crying at each other
how darest me should go oh you should
picture you come back go I hear you I
appreciate you I love you that’s not my
intent
how go make this work I’m willing to
make it work thanks for sharing your
feelings let’s do it
nobody do you don’t want to spawn a cry
for help by crying yourself you want to
be bigger no idiot Biggers you remember
this you remember it you use it make it
work this will change your life that one
belief if you also execute you know what
you learn today you learn some skills
today that are so easy it’s so simple
all you go to do is commit to making
them a habit so you’re not to think
about anymore your life will change
forever
your personal life the way you
communicate to yourself and practice
your team and most of you’re already so
bonded you’re incredible is there always
a deeper level that we could pursue in
this room there’s always a deeper
connection
and if it’s possible should we pursue
yeah when I have breasts I’d be closer
why don’t people up might be more
connected why not do more why not create
more why not make it happen why not why
not us or not now that’s what we do so
get the feeling for what it is it all
comes down to meaning you change the
meaning we change it all example 2 it’s
on my first book tour this woman calls
me up on the phone right the radio and I
love doing the radio responses so I’m
like really fast me I’ll help people all
the time depressed now for seven years I
said gosh have you accomplished that
what have you accomplished that I mean
that’s pretty amazing
so you depress me when you sleep kill
when I sleep
what I’m doing is breaking her wet how
do i interrupting your pattern all you
got to do
okay keep if you respond people go all
around I’m sorry you feel that way and
that’s not enough sometimes you got to
interrupt the pattern tease them and be
loving to tease them you just call it’s
okay it’s okay they’re getting a lot of
feedback they’re being rewarded for
feeling bad is that true so you gotta be
careful you gotta be loving but you
gotta be fun and love it that would be
my response a loving fun-loving response
and outrageous ly fun-loving in response
don’t break your pattern do something
don’t expect so I said well what’s the
challenge because my boyfriend left me
seven years ago he left me he left me he
took my whole life and said he took your
whole life yeah I gave him everything I
said everything you kept your voice I
hear
so when he gave me my legs run forever
why is she in pain that’s right she
feels tremendous depression actually
because she’s been angry because she
really felt what hurt cuz she has a
sense of what are there people who end a
relationship and don’t feel sense of
watts yes or no yes because you have to
tell yourself applause you have been
communicated to watts how many has found
that the past we thought was lost was
actually your game but when you thought
it was a loss how did you feel her never
lost it was a loss of her own
self-esteem well they left me they must
love me I was a good enough you know I’m
not good enough for loss upon your own
self-esteem but you do that to yourself
– it’s just not true the meeting you
made up in your head we’re making this
all this crap up in her head and it’s
not true you gotta be careful about the
meaning you label things you got to take
control of that process is over the
reason she’s upset the reason she’s this
angry this is not that she feels a lot
of but she’s labeled that loss because
of that my whole life is over how would
you feel your whole life was over a bit
depressed you better believe it
so I said look I said my line is I said
ma’am you got to change your state the
weight the state you’re in right now
you’re gonna keep thinking your life so
you’re gonna change your state because
you know I’ve tried I’m try so what do
you do well I’m taking drugs as well
what I see my therapist for years now
I’ve been this I said so yelling on the
phone the radio right it’s your imagine
I can masturbate so mother lodes you
crazy so what’s wrong I said you listen
to me right now
you want to change this you do exactly
what I say let’s say nothing yeah and
you run outside and you just yell two
words at the top of your lungs over and
over again as you think about your old
boyfriend
at first she was like in a deep trance
with no reaction right and I also heard
this chuckling laughing hysterically
it’s just a laugh I said just yell next
go out there look around see men go next
as soon as she started laughing I said
think about your boyfriend she starts
laughing at your old boyfriend she
laughing your old boyfriend her
boyfriend
pretty soon when she’s not a real
boyfriend guess what you be gonna do Wow
now my belittling relationship no but
you think she laughs when she thinks
about it she’ll be able to deal with it
better than if she cried you better
believe it say our state affects a lot
of the meaning we linked to things we’re
stressed or we can make out the worst
situation that virtually anything can’t
wait so you gotta remember you’re the
producer of this play you’re the one
writing the script of this movie now
some of you though have like one style
of writing called drama maybe I’ll try
writing a comedy instead it might be
more enjoyable
some of you written a love story my
congratulations to you some of your
adventure story
some of you’ve got one garbled story
that doesn’t even make sense
maybe it’s time you cleaned up the
script this doesn’t mean go back and
rewrite at all
it means terrible one definitely go back
and rewrite the script or die make it
work yes or no I want you can do a set
aside move on from here what a concept
so what do I want now what happened I
past doesn’t mean diddly oh man this is
what I’m going if you’re trying to drive
in the future using the rearview mirror
as your guidance tool you’re gonna crash
but you know what your futures gonna
look like the past
I’m scary maybe I’ll just let go of the
past tear up that script you don’t have
to keep playing that same play or write
a new one now don’t tell me you’re
tripping you know but who gives a
oh and write a new one you know be
spontaneous maybe you want to write
something along the way maybe when I’m
down the whole thing planned out a video
exec who’s going up when it could happen
then you won’t be so upset when it
doesn’t go the way you wrote the first
version in script calls your
expectations and maybe then you’ll blow
this script is kind of guideline there’s
my absolute posture I’m gonna be Pete I
think that would help things along see
whole key is the quality of life the
quality communication one with yourself
because nothing has a meaning except the
meaning given the me and give it’s kind
of tripping how you feel any feels gonna
turn what you do what you do is gonna
shape your destiny if I interpret this
means this person doesn’t love me now
all of a sudden I’m gonna feel lousy
about it and I’m gonna do things either
verbally or non-verbally to get back
maybe or at the very worst I’ll withhold
my emotions because I don’t wanna be
hurt again and is that withholding make
my relationship better yes or no no and
now that was sudden you start to drift
apart now I start doing doing things
that will change my destiny separate me
from somebody I really love something
really loves me all cuz I made up with
your crowd man company hasn’t accepted
so if we want to change our lives really
want to make things work make sure I
remember this write it you know it’s not
an event it’s what we do with it that
determines the quality of your life
it’s not an event it’s what you do with
it determines the quality of life
what we do but is what we do with it
inside of our head it’s not the event
it’s what we do with the event in terms
the quality of my life when we do with
inside of our head we can take things
that destroy other people and cause them
to make us better
this whole seminar today you’re gonna go
through as a result of you having an
event that was not pleasurable last
night especially since I was exhausted
no sleep and also amplified my feelings
about the situation and then what
happened was I asked myself a question
how can I use this what’s great about
this I was not feeling I was great I’m
gonna use this what’s great about this
the rain starts that was great about
this as it means what we tried to do
before this wasn’t making sense we’re
not quite we almost had it wasn’t quite
there so it’s great about this I found
that out cuz I want to share with you
the best what’s great about is I can use
this intense emotion see what really
will work and the most intense feelings
are not wow what a great deal it’s not
the event it’s what you do with it and
remember the meaning you associate or
assigned to something meaning you
associate and put parenthesis or
assigned to something determines how you
feel and what you do so nearly it
meaning you associate or that you assign
to something term ins how you feel and
what you do throughout your life
determines how you feel and what you do
throughout your life bless you
the problem is are you communicating to
yourself in a way that’s empowering or
disempowering what would you say it
would be all the time it is probably if
you’re not totally happy disempower
so the problem is not the event the
problem is the meaning that you’re
associating to things
that’s affecting your actions throughout
your whole life determine your destiny
is probably disempowering a good deal of
time if you’re not happy if you’re happy
you’re probably assigning a lot of
empowering meetings aren’t you you
couples of core beliefs some ways of
looking at the world that really help
you help you to evaluate things away
where you’re really in charge or you’re
not in reaction so if we want to really
take control then you got to remember
what I’ve already said nothing life has
a meaning except the meaning that we
give it so for example the doctor Staff
the doctor raises voice says please give
me this let me listen please give me
this he doesn’t say the word please what
does that mean
scumbag doctor that’s what it means it
means he doesn’t respect you right means
he doesn’t care about you right no it
means if you’re upset that’s what the
meaning you’ve attached to it yet how
many would agree what else could it be
he’s angry if he’s angry already
stressed or he’s frustrated
does that give a right to stand by you
yes or no no way when I’m thinking him
right we just want to know what it
really means first does that make sense
how many of you have ever screwed up
come to see show of hands how many of
you have ever snapped that somebody had
nothing to do with them it was just your
state you were so stressed about
something else
how many have done this even beating you
totally well like your children hmm
ready I’ll try again
very nice think about that now when the
doctor does that instead of going here
it’s not right to do that you’re right
he has no right to do it yeah absolutely
right and you need to help him so he
doesn’t do that anymore
you need to help him not make it wrong
do you make him wrong is that gonna roll
him I’m not doing this again yes or no
doctor when all of a sudden you keep
asking your staff they don’t deliver
something you need I mean they’re
incompetent they don’t care means to me
you’re working above you anytime you’re
getting paid they’re gonna baby him
let’s not care about you
so it means know what might it mean
they’re overloaded they’re overworked
you beat him to a pulp they don’t want
to talk to you because you’ve been real
mean hard to be around they’re trying to
avoid you to stand in your way because
they’re afraid they’re and set you off
I noticed that was a doctor that was
laughing huh ma’am it’s not possible
let’s see which meaning you was signed
will determine how you feel and how you
treat people is that true and it doesn’t
stop there it continues because the
truth is most of you don’t communicate
all that you feel and it’s a good thing
cuz the mo word spoken in a moment of
anger some words like that are never
now that’s not true you can’t forget
people they all never forget that you
tell them I’ll never ever forget
they work real hard to remember but how
many of you forgotten your own home
telephone number address or how does all
the word though so you can’t forget get
you yes
actually forgetting is a very useful
tool I may want to teach you before the
weekends up the power of forgetting not
forgiving forget it hmm hmm this is
sometimes useful to forget especially if
what you’re forgetting is only your
conception especially since your
memories are nothing but myths anyway
because if you ask my mother I bet you
have a different story true today see
the bottom line in life and is we’ve got
to make sure that we assign a meaning
that empowers and pussing doesn’t
empower this is how by the way we don’t
really know for sure what the meaning is
unless we pass by the way do we always
have to ask now sometimes we can
hallucinate the people are coming from
the best place how often would it be
useful to lose sneaking people are
really coming to the positive attention
yes see if you question my behavior I
can probably deal with that but if you
question my intention that is gonna
really hurt because I’m gonna go don’t
be have a relationship don’t you know
who I am but that’s why I’m an ominous
fine I probably follow the cry for help
I’ll be pissed off you could ever
question my integrity or my intent or
whether I care about you how can you do
that after all I’ve done for you then
people start justifying noticing all
these leaders I think it really need
more man town cetera
so we’ve got a really do is we got to
say okay I don’t know what the meaning
is I’m not sure what the meaning is but
I’m sure that the intent is positive the
person need to stress or something else
well I know who they are I remember who
this person really is the moment doesn’t
matter this too shall pass
that’s her unless I decide to try hang
onto it not let it pass I’ve never tried
not to let something pass gets to be
painful after a few days you come home
you caught that one huh you come home
and your spouse is watching TV again the
reason is sleeper again they insanely
love you are given what does that mean
scumbag that’s a bad divorce they don’t
care they don’t love me they’re not
attracted to me anymore
can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be
attracted you when you in this
personality looks another man but Sir
the women can’t imagine why when they
get to come home just seeing you at this
unique state because they don’t have
very good taste that’s why they’ve got
maybe they know what they’ve got maybe
that’s why they’re looking meaning we
link to things determines our actions
therefore our destiny and order to share
that with you
the key mins to choose empowering versus
disempowering means the key for us from
now on is when something happens we’re
gonna probably have a reaction man throw
down with a little reaction we should
sit back and say what’s a whore
empowering way of looking at this what
might be a more empowering way of
looking at this what else could this
mean because I choose the empowering one
I may be wrong is it possible the person
really is this comeback I guess
anything’s possible but a probably won’t
empower you’re looking in that way
because people tend to be whatever you
make them you have a right people tend
to be in whatever you make them pretty
important
and I want you remember this like the
cenotes whatever you look for you will
find whatever you look for you will find
whatever you look for you’re gonna get
and by the way the way we look for
things is we ask questions about people
about our life about ourselves that’s
how you look for things the way you
direct what you focus on is ask a
question very quickly look we’re in this
room as fast you can delay notice
everything in this room that’s brown
quick it’s brown brown clothing people’s
hair floors a big brown brown brown holy
brown brown brown brown brown brown
brown close your eyes your eyes closed
now tell me everything in this room
that’s that mm-hmm
raise your hand if you see a lot more
Brown than you have that you see red
raise your hand open your eyes look for
red now see everything you see in this
room it’s red red red red anywhere you
can see it clothing people anyway see
read read read read read the grab that
red red let me see a lot more red now
raise your hand
guess what you get when you look for and
I got you a quart by asking a question
that’s also how you get yourself to look
for things by asking a question like
what’s wrong with this person
you know what you look if I’m wrong
is wrong there’s what’s wrong with them
why are they such as come back to why
there’s one reason here’s another here’s
another how come I can never succeed I
don’t see here you looking so yeah this
here my childhood you find somebody’s
horrible and did you find something good
in them if you look for it yes you know
yeah because you’re the one that terms
will it’s good anon dream but true could
you find something good in Saddam saying
if you wanted to what I’m saying should
if you wanted to could you in certain
evil think he’s good yeah people say hey
he’s gotten back our land I don’t
necessarily agree but weren’t agree to
be able to appreciate is there a
difference yeah you can appreciate
somebody’s view even if you don’t agree
with you can appreciate that for them if
that’s true you can appreciate but they
have a different reality than you have
about something most of us think we all
have to share the same seeing the
reality I’m sure we share the same
physical reality but physical reality is
not what most of us experience we
experience a perceive the reality we
made up in our hand isn’t that true and
so do you remember what the titleist
technology is bridging realities what we
want to do is build a bridge between our
reality in somebody else’s so that we
can connect at a relationship we want to
make them live in our reality we don’t
have to hold our we ours their absolute
we can create a bridge and by having a
bridge we can exchange information
between our two cities our two
communities of emotion our two
communities of understanding
and create a connection we don’t want to
separate connected we can share we can
have our own identity and feeling you
also connect and share there’s no limit
let me do it at any moment all we have
to do is choose to cross the bridge
bridge the reality I’ll show you how to
do that for people to rest your life you
can change your life like it’s so simple
it starts with this basic philosophical
understanding what you feel it’s based
on the meaning you give things
we’re the ones different meaning to
matter what you know feels like somebody
else the question is it empowering
meeting or disempowering me and if you
say yeah look I got proof I got proof
for what I’m saying is true you want to
be white then you want to be in a
relationship you want to be right you
want to be in love expect me an argument
it Alaskans I’m gonna be right every one
of you love cuz that’s really your
choice that’s really it see I think I
told the last time I was here out of
time few years back we’re at a unique
partner who I really cared a lot about
embezzled a quarter million dollars 97
or fifty eight thousand dollars a day I
got up to paint by this I got angrier
than I ever remember because I felt so
massively what hurt and it’s because I
had a feeling of what loss
the money was part of it the ability to
not have to think about money was
another part of an equally big part of
the was I cared about this person they
took advantage of me I felt the loss
trust loss of love loss of connection
all I got stacked in the same let me
hear that
see the truth of the matter is why have
every right to be able to point and show
this guy’s mom sure will that make my
life better
no I don’t do say how can I use this and
move on not making right not making
wrong just go okay yeah what make a
person do that you don’t when I finally
start asking what make a person do that
I created my entire destiny technologies
probably is the most powerful to send
distinctions like midnight so figured
out I could use it what I could learn
from instead of how come is happening
and I turned the finances around like
Pineville and then company did four
million dollars a year fifty million
dollars you it’s a fairly larger all
because I chose to create a different
meaning meaning is this is a chance for
me to go the next level meaning is this
chance we learn make something better
protective why don’t you leave that
meaning between oil changes remember if
you don’t like the way you feel to
change your perception of what something
means the change in actions that’s what
it takes in the change
a little metaphor here come before it I
just wanna remind you that when you
decide you can’t find something also
never I said what you look for you’ll
find when you decide you can’t find
something you’ll also discover you won’t
find because what do you believe
something is true when you believe it’s
not your right how many of the
experience of having somebody say to you
something why can you find me the salt
you think yourself would you want the
cabin to get me a salt as you’re walking
you think I don’t know what the salt is
you really do look don’t you you really
look but you already have this believe
this is I get my dissolved so what
happens seamlessly go it’s not in here
nobody fire it’s right there on the
shelf you know it’s not they’re walking
they walk right beside you
we trying to be your face you know what
is this and what is it
how many have this happen to you now
solve ozone you there you said Tony what
I look for all fine yes what you look
for an Ernest will find see what you
really want the answer to
you’ll get there you go why am I still
happy but you really don’t want to know
the answer you’re not gonna get the
answer but what’s really great about
this person will get an answer it’s only
when you see poor and earnest if you
don’t look for something you won’t find
it you’re right you don’t commit
yourself defining it you won’t but they
do you remember what do you do when an
upset happens let me give you an example
what I learned from racing school
changed my whole life I race cars for
movies and so I went to several
different schools by the way to do this
let him forget in my first school the
first thing they really taught us it was
one school for racing as they said first
you got to do is you’re gonna know how
to recover him unrecovered before
anything else how to drive apart you
guys ought to do how to go forward you
know how to do that what you got to do
is learn how to recover when you hit the
skids in the road because if you don’t
do that you’re racing cruising rather
short or rather painful
and most of you in trying to race you
life and a lot of you are having a
rather painful time because you recover
very well or you recover but in the
process of recovering you smashing
everybody else’s car long away
now makes the next trip around a little
is in full for the people they see you
coming by they kind of avoid you a
little paper I’m gonna get do close to
this dog with this staff member this
person this account the secretaries
telephone person the person around the
calendar I’m not doing that what I do
they’re gonna smash me up to the process
of them trying to become so what they do
is they put you in the skin car or they
make you go through the process is about
to crash well they knock you off track
what it is escape by they got a little
computer a Firefox computer what it does
as a little lift let’s swing your wheels
you never know which direction you’re
screwing around the track screaming
screaming screaming screaming you’re not
doing the full speed by kind of 20 miles
now they start your little slower to go
do this one you go about 6070 miles an
hour but 6070 miles an hour attracts
pretty intense and you run right for a
wall and all of a sudden you start to
skid out of control what they tell you
in advance is you got to do is when you
start scaring to control there’s only
one key look where you want to go focus
on where you want to go do not focus on
what you’re afraid of
now what do people do in life we focus
on what we fear and we get more whatever
we focus on that’s what they tell you
that is it look whatever you focus on
that’s how you’re gonna go wherever you
focus on you’re gonna get Mara you focus
on the wall you’re gonna get a lot of
wall real fast you’re a crash but you
need to get his focus on what you want
not what you think you’re going not
where you think you are if you’re not
where you want to be if you’re not where
you’re wanting to go focus on where you
want to go immediately don’t hesitate
they said that what you have to do is
when you do this it won’t feel like it’s
working at first because you’ll still
feel like you’re going into the wall
because what happens you have so much
momentum in that direction when you
focus where you want to go they’ll still
be a little bit of momentum in that
direction
and they’ll be a little bit of a lag
time before the car turns so don’t
because you don’t take turning turn back
and look as you do you’re gonna go right
through crash keep there yeah
that F word what is it hey so what
happens is you turn you’re going in
going in and look as well as people do
first one will show me a turn when I do
the first time I’m just looking at the
wall my instructor last night say my lab
never had going and pulling my head
physically in the direction I should be
looking which is directing ninety
degrees opposite of where I was going
right heading for the wall
that’s my new look so I’m gonna grab
singles like this pull my head over here
and all we do we give it up and why
second turn way no one oh my god
heartbeat Anatomy I said maybe I should
try a different sport I don’t know this
is a good metaphor for life than they do
it against I got there you never know
what they’re gonna do it you’re going
you’re going to going
I don’t son I’m certain live racing
Racing racing also Susan I started going
anyway I did who I pulled my hand I’m
like pulling my head mr. edge because I
keep on going this way look what it is
pull it and I’m waiting win and sure
enough car turns just in time after a
while you don’t you do something happens
you notice what it is you’ll scare it
what it is you’ll figure out what it is
you go that’s a wall smacking that what
would it be like to smack that blue they
smack that my body or my head now what
happens is you see the wall you know
what it is you only acknowledge the
problem enough to know what it is and
then move on no one it is focus on where
where to go minute I can define what it
is and that’s not where I want to go
boom so I’m have more room the car and
it’s like now now we just get off it’s
so fast
focus on what you want and you get more
focus on what you fear you’ll get one of
that
focus on what you want and you’ll get
more focus on looking fear you’ll get
more of that bottled wine inch almost
everybody in life focuses on what they
fear and that’s why they get more of
what they don’t want well yeah but what
does this happen what if that happens
you keep asking what if this happens
what if that happens I guarantee you’re
gonna crash it’s only a matter of time
instead of you gonna say well what if
this happens what I want what will
happen I will make this happen what I
want the more you focus on that the more
of an experience you’ll have what it is
you want life you’ll get it right away
now here’s the problem you got to still
hang on to your F what is it faith you
know what faith is faith is
understanding the seasons of life life
comes in seasons doesn’t smell always
the same but it’s still predictable as a
whole how many of you were surprised
when winter comes cuz he shouldn’t know
you and be surprised you don’t be
surprised when it comes and are their
emotional winters yes or no
you better believe there are other times
you try to communicate well doesn’t work
all the times in the office where it
feels a little frigid well cold that’s
not just the air-conditioning what
happens during the winter you break out
a fire to warm each other up see some
people freeze to death in the winter
other people ski the meaning of winter
is whatever you do with it isn’t that
true wait there’s nothing wrong with
winter what it was always summer why be
great oh yeah I think you’re bored and
son let’s try to get burned
some people get burned in the summer
some even get tan some people swim some
people go on vacation springtime is a
great time to get to glam follow you get
to read
you don’t happen to some evil wife some
people do is they say okay I know what
you said about but I’m sure I focus but
it’s not working you’re still alive time
God’s delays are not God’s denials
that’s the laser not God’s in our heads
when lag time doesn’t catch up hey look
you think it’s fall we’re still in
winter we think it’s funny you’re in
spring or you’ve made it to summer but
we’re not to fall yeah don’t be so darn
impatient take on a new prayer lord give
me patience and give it to me right now
be equally intelligent it’s like some
people think okay I don’t know what I
want I want the seed to be planned they
figure the soil they come out the next
day and they go where’s my plant the
song goes are you new that’s not how it
works you plant it here okay you come
back every day and take care of it right
you make it through the whole spring
then doing summer when it’s hot you got
a really really take care of it because
it gets you worse during that time and
make it through all those seasons and
the fall maybe more than likely not
always but most the time you will have a
plant here that’s how it works
that’s not there that’s the life is how
what he doesn’t know how you think it
should be you coming back in today the
plants so you come and start laughing
look at this guy what’s the matter with
you why don’t I have to get like time
that’s why don’t make yourself wrong
because you’re doing the right things
and you don’t see the results yet
takes time most people completely
overestimate what can be done in a year
underestimate what can be done today I
can tell you my own career my business
life in Hartzell every day every day two
hundred seventy six seven hours a year
the morning my giving with all anybody
knows me will tell you on my Hall
everybody doing out of what you know
what I was broke I was frustrated
outside in terms of the business
business well nothing was working but I
kept you know asked myself great price
like why am i screwing this up so much
that wasn’t me screwing up if flag Tom
had a make distinction that I build
something’s coming
let me on the egg a little reality check
which are going to teach you a reality
check that flying into Los Angeles would
be my seminar out there in my helicopter
my jet helicopter it’s a tough life so I
want to drive for three hours I jump the
helicopter on there three
you
goal-setting of course I’m a good
student so I always read another book
second book says forget goal-setting
well is it he’s nice but that is not it
say go to your blues – you’re blue in
the face what you don’t learn to do in
your life is manage your turn you have
great goals with a middle manager time
times the only resource you can control
it is your life I thought that’s true
the number one key to success time
management or isn’t a third book then
forget time management forget goals a
whole key with all this discipline you
can play with your time management all
day long if you can’t discipline
yourself you’ve got nothing that’s truly
discipline till I read the fourth book
which says forget this one forget time I
forgot a step of all blue because if
your discipline that you don’t believe
is going to work well we’ve never died
you won’t see a workman by the way which
one of these is truly good number one
foundation feel all successful that’s
right they all are in fact that list
doesn’t end here it doesn’t so that got
me frustrated like how do you work on
all these things simultaneously our know
the one thing that’s worth of us alone
everything else will fall into place
when I searched and I searched my
interview people until one day I
embossed the number one key to all
success in white if you’re interested my
one write the same only if you’re
interested in the number one key to all
success in life if not know more than
jot it down the answer I came up with a
number one key to all success is
knowledge knowledge I said certainly
people who succeed they know things that
other people just don’t know that’s why
they’re so much more successful but
knowledge is get and as soon as I wrote
down knowledge of my notes I crossed it
out because that was definitely not it
how could you even write that down
you’re my you know no better than that
see if it was knowledge and everybody
who’s educated would be successful you
know that’s not true
right how many of you in this room how
many of you people in this room right
now know somebody who should change your
life they know they should change their
life you’re gonna know how they could
change their life what they still gonna
do it how are you know something like
baby intimately yeah that’s right
so know why it sells not enough see
knowing is great but it’s not enough
knowledge is not power now with this
information how are something else and
what I think is the really number one
key to our success is something I call
personal power this is really at John
Adair personal power that to me is the
single number-one foundational key to
all success if you use it you can get
everything else that you want personal
power means the ability to take action
to follow through to take the steps that
are necessary to take an idea and
translate it into reality and it’s the
number one tool that most people like
never exercise and forget that every one
of us has right now and in any other
life even if you haven’t used this gift
we’re 20 years right now by one decision
you could start using your power you
could start following through you can
stake this idea in your head and turn it
into physical reality what are the ideas
how you want to make your relationship
or how you want input your children well
the kind of money you want to make or a
business you want to start it doesn’t
matter it is available right now all you
do is this side and then follow through
there you go for Tony what if I do life
nothing it doesn’t work
that’s what we’ll learn something today
well we’re gonna share with you there’s
probably worth writing down so you want
to definitely capture it years ago I met
a very very successful man he taught me
something I never forgot for the rest of
my life he said Tony whatever you do in
your life whenever you find you’re gonna
go someplace where there’s some great
ideas and great resources he said always
make sure you take a pen and paper these
things what you want to do is you want
to be able to capture those ideas and
submit them to paper so you can review
them in the future that what he got me
to do was to keep a journal and I would
HIGHLY encourage you by the time you
come to the next management session or
maybe even during a break today if you
wanted you to get yourself a hardbound
journal our town journal meeting not a
loose-leaf and you can get those in all
kinds of stationery stores some
religious bookstores the bottom line is
if you keep a journal
you don’t even write it every day but
when you get thoughts or ideas you
capture it there you can’t believe what
will happen you’ll start to accumulate a
wealth of knowledge and ability and
skills and resources that not only will
help you you can help other people as
well I’ve been keeping journals myself
now for about a dozen years and I go
back and review my life and has two real
values I think one is it gives you a
chance to really see how much you’ve
grown because how many of you have kids
I’m curious I’m gonna be out of somebody
come save all your kids really grow on
you really because you’re so close to
them you don’t notice it as much how
many found out to be true guess when
it’s even worse with yourself sometimes
we don’t give ourselves credit than the
amount that we’re growing but I’ll tell
you one thing if you keep a journal it
won’t be hard to see how much you’re
growing cuz you’ll see the kind of goals
you have back then the kind of things
you’ve bought back in those days and
you’ll begin to see the evolutionary
growth also I personally believe that
life’s worth living it’s worth recording
that’s an incredible gift to give to
your children because someday they get
to know exactly how you were at
different times in your life and they
get to learn your lessons and I’ll go
through it so I highly encourage you do
that but it’s a very minimum let’s make
sure we take notes
you guys ready to crank Frank let’s do
it so this whole weekend is about
connecting and communication really it’s
about communication relationship I make
everything worthwhile the technology
that we’re gonna share with you this
weekend is a unique name we call it
reality bridging reality bridging
we make it go into a deep trance trying
to figure out what that means right
we’re gonna clarify for you but reality
bridging the technology of the vital
communication and true freedom is what
you’re gonna find is you’re gonna find
there’s gonna be a vitality in your
communication when you start using the
techniques we’re gonna teach you and
there’s gonna be a sense of absolute
freedom where you can share with
somebody what your real feelings are and
never ever offend them they won’t have
to hear you and cry and feel bad and you
won’t feel so bad either we want to make
sure the communication is vital that
you’re always connecting that you feel
good when you’re communicating so does
the person you’re communicating with and
it produces results that’s our outcome
and to be able to do that without him to
worry creates an unbelievable level
freedom for people because how many of
you be honest have felt feelings at
times and you’re upset but you didn’t
share it because you didn’t know how or
you didn’t share it because well you
thought well maybe it’s really about me
or you didn’t share it because you
didn’t want to offend somebody even
though you were bad or upset I really
got that experience in the past and when
you don’t share something what happens
when you just keep it inside and build
it up
yeah it festers doesn’t get better or
worse I think it’s a lot worse and
eventually what happens when you blow up
about something that could have been
handled so much easier along the way but
then there’s the other approach which is
you’re looking for things on a regular
basis to be able to give people feedback
about and some people develop that habit
or you communicate in a way where
basically you’re communicating your
feelings like you’re upset but do you
always have all the information no and
so you’re making a decision about how to
feel based on false information how many
were gonna upset later on for a little
dumb Japan that you’re upset about
something really should have been upset
about
so one philosophy says keep it inside it
applause he says we’ll get it out but
what if you get it out and then you find
out if we’re wrong by the way do we like
being wrong No so then what would he
probably do just to find a fan well
that’s swell yeah I know that but they
can’t give you up you’ve done that
before
and that does not make a relation to
work plus that person gets upset it’s
kinda like didn’t you ever come up to
you and say yeah you know why you have
set in your monitor no no yeah you are
no I’m not yes you are well I’m getting
upset okay that also happens unless
we’re really clear so what we really
gonna do is we’re gonna start a whole
basis of studying of communication to
remember one thing like the senior notes
if you would and that is the quality of
your life is directly related to the
quality of your communication the
quality of your life is the quality of
your communication period quality of
your life is the quality of your
communication now pretty basic idea
nothing earth-shattering but I’m gonna
tell you that’s Ling and taught your
entire life comes down to this quality
of your entire life comes down to
quality how you communicate with home no
know with whom first you think and
determines how you know that’s right
well in your life starts with the
quality of how you communicate to
yourself that’s where it all starts how
you feel is not based on the environment
is it based like how do you feel is that
determine based on like whether or not
you have lots of money yes or no a
little mixed reaction on that one oh
well no no no it’s not no absolutely not
no how’s that for incongruent
communication from a lot of your okay
some of you I’m a little mixed feelings
about this don’t you let me ask you a
question how do you know somebody who
has tons of money they’re still not
happy I’ll interesting how many of you
know somebody who doesn’t have anybody
at all it seems I’m very happy
so does money determine your happiness
yes or no how do you know if you have a
lot so many though you’d be happy you’re
different
I have your money on be happy no problem
give me your money we’ll try okay people
say money can’t buy happiness don’t know
where to shop now see that that’s not
gonna do it is it it’s not the money
it’s how you communicate yourself about
money your lack of it or the abundance
you think you have by the way it can be
one of an abundance what communicates it
himself but they’re still in scarcity
yes or no absolutely
so money doesn’t is how you feel
determined by whether or not the weather
is good yes oh really
are there people in freezing weather
we’re very happy yes or no
are there people hot whether they’re
very happy yes or no other people that
are in either of those weathers in the
opposite degree that have opposite
feelings is that tranch you got yet yes
see the weather doesn’t determine it is
it what are you happy not determined by
whether or not other people say they
love you you know yes with you but it
shouldn’t so you sit there and shoot all
over yourself okay you’re right I
probably shouldn’t but a lot of us can’t
bet real directly but I got a question
for you somebody comes up to you and
they tell you why they come up and they
hug you or they look at you that certain
special
are they passionate my question for you
is was it really kiss the minute no I
don’t mix up and that’s true kissing
your dog would get you excited it wasn’t
a kiss
it was the meaning you associated to
that particular moment when tissue
touched tissue in the unique way that’s
really it isn’t it it isn’t actually yes
[Applause]
it isn’t actually the event itself is it
it is rather than what we communicated
to ourselves about that event so many
hundred you feel good do they make you
feel good yes or no no what makes you
feel good as you got a set of rules
inside your head and say if somebody
touches me quite like this they look
like that sound smell feel like this
then I get to say and so you say okay
it’s time to feel good you start feeling
good so bottom line is we determine how
we feel by the way we communicate to
ourselves by the meaning that we
communicate about a situation see it’s
not the event that determines how we
feel it’s the meaning that we associate
to the event the terms how we feel and
that meaning is something we create and
we communicate to ourselves if you’re
upset about anything all upsets come
down to the meaning you associate to
something you’re upset about something
is because you’re thinking well that’s
because this means they don’t care about
me or this means I’m no longer in
control or this means I’m not respect
there this means all upset is based on
the meaning and how many times we’ve
been wrong when you linked up the
meaning anybody been wrong yes or no yes
this means you ask I’ll guide you
through this okay we’ve all been wrong
so what we’ve got to really be able to
do is to realize one thing and right at
your notes nothing in life has any
meaning except the meaning that I give
it nothing in life has any meaning
except the meaning that I give it
nothing in life has any meaning except
the meaning that I give it you’re the
one that puts the label on what things
mean and the last time you’re with me I
gave you the phrase when we talked about
transformational vocabulary if you
recall transformational vocabulary is
the idea that we get all these pictures
and sounds and feelings and sensations
start to come in our body but we don’t
know what it means so we put a label on
it so you’ve got all these things they
feel uncomfortable I feel kind of
painful and you call that humiliation
will that intensify the feeling more
than if you say you know I’m all
frustrated yes or no you better believe
it the label we put on our experience
becomes our experience and we are the
person doing the labeling now I’m
granted I’ll agree that most of us are
on automatic pilot we’re using a
labeling and a communication process
that we don’t even think about
consciously and we can easily point to
the people show how they created that
feeling for us and certainly they helped
us to get into state they helped us by
giving us some feedback but we still
determine the feeling they give an
example I was in Hawaii recently I
couldn’t believe it I read this article
not something on TV when they
interviewed this guy he’s out swimming
and the shark came and bit his leg off
yeah you think he’s really upset why
would you be upset of science you lost
your leg after the initial pain why
would you stay upset because of the
meaning you’d like to that right what
would be the meaning that would make you
feel upset all the time that’s right the
meaning of a loss that you would lost
something see almost all pain all pain
you’re ever gonna feel in your life the
pain that people have that makes them
upset
it all starts with theirs I call it an
emotional anatomy it all starts in one
place pain starts with number one I’ll
put it down the bottom here a feeling of
loss
feeling loss now can you ever really
lose anything
only if you proceed that there’s a loss
is that true are you follow me on this
now for a second you’d only feel loss if
you perceive it in other words you have
to tell yourself there’s a loss you have
to communicate that you lost something
this man was not upset in fact he was
concerned about the shark yeah he says
guys are drugged he was sincere because
his belief was that number one he was
responsible not the shark because he was
a swimmer and he knew that in the area
was a shark so that he’s thrashing
around on the top they they get the
turtle will come after him and his
concern was that people are so upset
about it the people are gonna go out and
rage and kill the sharks in that area
how’s that for sorting by others instead
of sorting myself so the meaning for him
was this was a learning experience
that’s what it meant to him other people
would mean I maimed for life with a
different meaning that he communicated
he would have said I’m maimed for life
I’ll never be the same you know I can
never accomplish anything
I’ll never a woman would never be
attracted to me I’ll be a gift for the
rest of my life he wouldn’t link those
means do you think he would have been at
the same state yes or no no way by the
way maybe this is temporary right I
don’t know I don’t know this guy I’m not
gonna be around a long time meet him I
can tell you for years when I’ve known
his interview people who absolute what I
think are spiritual masters when I mean
my spiritual masters not flying to East
and meeting somebody who sits and
meditates I mean somebody who doesn’t
have the loose of the legs or their arms
and lives an absolute joy is totally
loving and tries to figure out to
contribute to other people to me that’s
a spiritual master I’ll tell you what
there’s tons of them they’re my friend’s
name cuz I gonna learn from them you
know I find out they have developed
belief systems that had helped them to
interpret human behavior in a way that
causes them not to be upset because no
matter what happens they finally figured
out something do you want to succeed
life so figure out how it works
and then do it that way not the way you
think it should be say what most of us
do is you run around like little these
rules or how life should be about how
you should be in a jury how doctors
should be how staffs should be how
patients should be
they’re gonna be how they really are not
how you want them to be and then every
time they don’t meet your criteria right
you communicate yourself it’s time to be
annoyed or maybe a more intense worked
it’s that true when you have an upset of
any sort you’re feeling some negative
emotion it always comes down to really
you have a feeling of what loss but do
you ever really lose no you ever lose
anything it just changes form ain’t
nothing in the entire universe ever
disappears nothing not your physical
body not rocks not stones nothing
everything in the uniform universe
transforms from one form to another you
take water you turn destroy it let’s say
you boil it what does it become
steam everything in the world transforms
to a higher level it’s always
transforming you gotta realize you can’t
lose anything you can transform things
you can’t lose anything now you can try
and pretend you’ve lost something you
can only be upset with somebody think oh
my god I lost their love or or they lost
mine I’ve lost respect how do you lose
respect you can’t lose something that’s
already inside of you sit on this people
are looking for love all the wrong
places
well it was not something you have to go
looking for that’s where you come from
I was not something up to go looking for
words where you come so you can’t move
something everything you thought you
lose is already exciting you see if you
won’t feel respect it’s good as new I’m
choosing to focus on being respected
you’re not communicating yourself you
should be respected what if I said
something to you I said in a way that
made you feel disrespected it made you
feel disrespected or you took what I
said managed to interpret it represent
to yourself and communicate yourself
that my saying and that’s otherwise
means I don’t respect you therefore you
can’t have these here
not make any sense no we do it all turn
yes
do we want to continue to do it no okay
you want to change that you can’t ever
lose anything now you can proceed you
lost something by the way you some
people who not lost the limb not lost
their eyesight not lost anything feel
like they lost over a little stupid
things yes or no some people feel lost
upon something you never even had in the
first place like they have this goal
that didn’t happen I lost my goal you
never had it well they have this
expectation most upsets are about
expectations that aren’t met isn’t it
true you expect something something you
expect yourself to do something you
expected life to do something you expect
to the weather be a certain way and it
didn’t happen
I lost now how could you lose out on
something you never have you must have
been very confused so you can’t lose but
if you want to feel bad what you have to
do is have the illusion of loss create
the illusion blocks that’s all you have
to do feel that imagine how to feel bad
step one feel bad create the illusion
once you make sure you take notes and I
want to feel bad you know what to do now
have the illusion of loss what that
usually does does that creates the
second major emotion in the anatomy of
human emotion and that is feeling of
hurt feel hurt and usually what happens
is people don’t notice the lost thing
they notice they feel hurt if they’re
sensitive
cuz this thing happens pretty fast
doesn’t and we forgotten it’s lost all
we know is we feel hurt anytime somebody
feels hurt what it really is
they have a sense of loss about
something it lost out on their
expectation they lost out on what they
thought they had they think they’ve lost
out on something else they think they’re
missing out I think something has
changed I think they’re losing something
they feel bad they feel hurt how many
that I felt hurt in a personal
relationship great tell me raise your
hand tell me what did you feel heard
about him in exam yes sir if I heard
about this honesty meaning you thought
this person had been dishonest with you
now are we absolutely certain that this
person was dishonest that he felt that
was dishonest yes or no is it possible
this person was not dishonest whether he
interpreted their behavior is dishonest
yes or no
to know that conversation not long ago I
couldn’t even believe it she was like
all hurt look she said I don’t in she
was she went to the next level and I’ll
tell you what it is most people in the
way
don’t stay in her a man is immediately
amp up into anger it’s that true that’s
right and that’s the third emotion so if
you’re angry what you really are is what
her which means you really just have a
sense of what that’s really it
so my mom was upset I was like what you
upset with me about it what I do cheers
well she does flowers for seminars and
she asked me if I would contact this
hotel and have the hotel like use your
services and I said I’m you willing to
but I don’t think they do that and they
never do it for us
well she talks somebody else and that
somebody else told her that the hotel
does it all the time and they contract
with somebody else here son must not
really care about you
now she was also in a very stressful
state as the state we’re in and just our
normal life affect the way we interpret
meaning yeah she was stressed about one
of the things so while she’s in the
stressful say somebody said what story
to Minho my son he just thinks I’m a
pain in the butt
he doesn’t eat us he just wants to get
rid of me he must be ashamed with my
work he does not like my flowers he
would create all this wonderful stuff
can we create all kinds of man
I’m good at creating in your head
okay
I am too we all are and I’m picking on
my mom dress me oh really in Egypt
he taught me everything I know he did
teach me a great deal gonna give me a
great foundation for my life point is
though seriously she’s all upset and she
bought that I have wider enough for
someone she said she I lied to her what
do you think happen to me like me
honesty is one of my highest is I’m
probably too honest I don’t be equal
everything all right what like the fact
that you question my honesty how many of
you something question your honesty and
you know you’re honest I mean that
really upset you what do you think I got
when she said that how could you say
that I just did all these things for you
I said what are you talking I can’t even
believe that why was i angry because I
felt by her statement and they felt hurt
because i descend to what wasa my loss
to us how could we lose that connection
knowing to each other our when my own
mom
when i do anything for i just got done
doing this anything for her that I mean
blew her out of her shorts she didn’t
ever expect it I blew out an interesting
picture so you know what happened those
I realized that if I respond to her in a
state of anger well that’d probably work
now it didn’t work so I realized I need
to change my state and I asked myself a
question it helped me a lot
the question I ask is what’s probably
going on with her that makes her treat
me this way or treat people this way
well respond this way instead of how
dare she what how could you treat me
this way after I’ve done so much for her
which one do what make you more what sad
different question a so what’s going on
with her that’s making her spot on this
one what she stressed about mastered she
told me she apologized and just dropped
by the way I’m gonna tell you the leaf I
want you to member to the rest of your
life if all you do is remember this a
whole week and really remembered at the
right times it’ll change the way you
communicate a little bit I believe is
this then in any communication with
another human being
well you get a response from someone in
any communication with another human
being you get a response from someone
that response is either a loving
response or a cry for help
in any communication that you have with
another human being they give you some
kind of response they respond you in
some way in that communication is either
a loving response or a cry for help
that’s it those the only two kinds of
responses one more time in any
communication with everything being and
they respond do they communicate to you
they react to you they respond to you
that reaction that response I don’t care
what it looks like on the outside what
it seems like it’s either a loving
response or a cry for help which one do
you think my mom was doing in the
situation was that a lovely response or
a cry for help there’s a cry for help
and help to say I’m feeling what hurt
because I have a sense of what it may
not be true but that’s what I feel that
wasn’t a cry for help how do most people
respond to a cry for help with another
cry for Allen is that true how do I
first start to respond to my mom she’s
angry with me she I mean how could you
do this to me what’s going on I get a me
back so I respond with a growl
how do you how can you say this to me
don’t pull this crap I mean look what I
do free we’re gonna grab this
interesting so when do people are
yelling at each other crying growl back
and forth who gets out nobody so you
know what happens their anger doesn’t
stop what happens is the anger there’s
one place either starts going out to
other people and becomes resentment
built never said that may be expressed
or not expressed usually resentments
expressed non-invertible eat other
people and some people do it by thinking
they’re exempt in the resentment and
they express it by what they call
confrontation and they actually feel
good about it they say oh one of those
people keeps inside I confront people
little bastards
I don’t really build a quality
communication on it I confront I don’t
keep it inside you I’ll tell you what’s
wrong yes say will you this is this
baby’ll this way I request the hugie you
change
hmm ever try this mm-hmm you know what
that doesn’t work it can work anything
can work tone of voice she uses those
gonna play a bigger role for what you
say anything agree your facial
expressions can play a bigger role the
way you say how many greet somebody else
can sit there listen to you and say yes
I’ll buy by your request but it’s how to
okay that’s not communication that’s not
quality communication I want to change
and enhance our plumbing the other thing
we can do is we feel anger instead of
presenting and confronting we can just
keep it inside and then keeping the side
usually what it becomes as depression he
would have press don’t even know why
these people are depressed they felt
like they’re not in control my things
are happening are not control of the
night bill would communicate and get
control of their life a lot of times
depression is directly relating the fact
that kept his anger and sign these
upsets they haven’t expressed and they
become compressed how they can relate to
this not new with other people you’ve
seen good luck puzzle so the bottom line
is we’ve got to do when somebody
responds to us with a cry for help is
give them what kind of response which of
the Jewish laws will show you give
somebody when they give us cry for help
a loving response is that always easy to
do now but it requires you to remember
that no matter what it looks like
they’re just really crying for help you
guys are crying at each other
how darest me should go oh you should
picture you come back go I hear you I
appreciate you I love you that’s not my
intent
how go make this work I’m willing to
make it work thanks for sharing your
feelings let’s do it
nobody do you don’t want to spawn a cry
for help by crying yourself you want to
be bigger no idiot Biggers you remember
this you remember it you use it make it
work this will change your life that one
belief if you also execute you know what
you learn today you learn some skills
today that are so easy it’s so simple
all you go to do is commit to making
them a habit so you’re not to think
about anymore your life will change
forever
your personal life the way you
communicate to yourself and practice
your team and most of you’re already so
bonded you’re incredible is there always
a deeper level that we could pursue in
this room there’s always a deeper
connection
and if it’s possible should we pursue
yeah when I have breasts I’d be closer
why don’t people up might be more
connected why not do more why not create
more why not make it happen why not why
not us or not now that’s what we do so
get the feeling for what it is it all
comes down to meaning you change the
meaning we change it all example 2 it’s
on my first book tour this woman calls
me up on the phone right the radio and I
love doing the radio responses so I’m
like really fast me I’ll help people all
the time depressed now for seven years I
said gosh have you accomplished that
what have you accomplished that I mean
that’s pretty amazing
so you depress me when you sleep kill
when I sleep
what I’m doing is breaking her wet how
do i interrupting your pattern all you
got to do
okay keep if you respond people go all
around I’m sorry you feel that way and
that’s not enough sometimes you got to
interrupt the pattern tease them and be
loving to tease them you just call it’s
okay it’s okay they’re getting a lot of
feedback they’re being rewarded for
feeling bad is that true so you gotta be
careful you gotta be loving but you
gotta be fun and love it that would be
my response a loving fun-loving response
and outrageous ly fun-loving in response
don’t break your pattern do something
don’t expect so I said well what’s the
challenge because my boyfriend left me
seven years ago he left me he left me he
took my whole life and said he took your
whole life yeah I gave him everything I
said everything you kept your voice I
hear
so when he gave me my legs run forever
why is she in pain that’s right she
feels tremendous depression actually
because she’s been angry because she
really felt what hurt cuz she has a
sense of what are there people who end a
relationship and don’t feel sense of
watts yes or no yes because you have to
tell yourself applause you have been
communicated to watts how many has found
that the past we thought was lost was
actually your game but when you thought
it was a loss how did you feel her never
lost it was a loss of her own
self-esteem well they left me they must
love me I was a good enough you know I’m
not good enough for loss upon your own
self-esteem but you do that to yourself
– it’s just not true the meeting you
made up in your head we’re making this
all this crap up in her head and it’s
not true you gotta be careful about the
meaning you label things you got to take
control of that process is over the
reason she’s upset the reason she’s this
angry this is not that she feels a lot
of but she’s labeled that loss because
of that my whole life is over how would
you feel your whole life was over a bit
depressed you better believe it
so I said look I said my line is I said
ma’am you got to change your state the
weight the state you’re in right now
you’re gonna keep thinking your life so
you’re gonna change your state because
you know I’ve tried I’m try so what do
you do well I’m taking drugs as well
what I see my therapist for years now
I’ve been this I said so yelling on the
phone the radio right it’s your imagine
I can masturbate so mother lodes you
crazy so what’s wrong I said you listen
to me right now
you want to change this you do exactly
what I say let’s say nothing yeah and
you run outside and you just yell two
words at the top of your lungs over and
over again as you think about your old
boyfriend
at first she was like in a deep trance
with no reaction right and I also heard
this chuckling laughing hysterically
it’s just a laugh I said just yell next
go out there look around see men go next
as soon as she started laughing I said
think about your boyfriend she starts
laughing at your old boyfriend she
laughing your old boyfriend her
boyfriend
pretty soon when she’s not a real
boyfriend guess what you be gonna do Wow
now my belittling relationship no but
you think she laughs when she thinks
about it she’ll be able to deal with it
better than if she cried you better
believe it say our state affects a lot
of the meaning we linked to things we’re
stressed or we can make out the worst
situation that virtually anything can’t
wait so you gotta remember you’re the
producer of this play you’re the one
writing the script of this movie now
some of you though have like one style
of writing called drama maybe I’ll try
writing a comedy instead it might be
more enjoyable
some of you written a love story my
congratulations to you some of your
adventure story
some of you’ve got one garbled story
that doesn’t even make sense
maybe it’s time you cleaned up the
script this doesn’t mean go back and
rewrite at all
it means terrible one definitely go back
and rewrite the script or die make it
work yes or no I want you can do a set
aside move on from here what a concept
so what do I want now what happened I
past doesn’t mean diddly oh man this is
what I’m going if you’re trying to drive
in the future using the rearview mirror
as your guidance tool you’re gonna crash
but you know what your futures gonna
look like the past
I’m scary maybe I’ll just let go of the
past tear up that script you don’t have
to keep playing that same play or write
a new one now don’t tell me you’re
tripping you know but who gives a
oh and write a new one you know be
spontaneous maybe you want to write
something along the way maybe when I’m
down the whole thing planned out a video
exec who’s going up when it could happen
then you won’t be so upset when it
doesn’t go the way you wrote the first
version in script calls your
expectations and maybe then you’ll blow
this script is kind of guideline there’s
my absolute posture I’m gonna be Pete I
think that would help things along see
whole key is the quality of life the
quality communication one with yourself
because nothing has a meaning except the
meaning given the me and give it’s kind
of tripping how you feel any feels gonna
turn what you do what you do is gonna
shape your destiny if I interpret this
means this person doesn’t love me now
all of a sudden I’m gonna feel lousy
about it and I’m gonna do things either
verbally or non-verbally to get back
maybe or at the very worst I’ll withhold
my emotions because I don’t wanna be
hurt again and is that withholding make
my relationship better yes or no no and
now that was sudden you start to drift
apart now I start doing doing things
that will change my destiny separate me
from somebody I really love something
really loves me all cuz I made up with
your crowd man company hasn’t accepted
so if we want to change our lives really
want to make things work make sure I
remember this write it you know it’s not
an event it’s what we do with it that
determines the quality of your life
it’s not an event it’s what you do with
it determines the quality of life
what we do but is what we do with it
inside of our head it’s not the event
it’s what we do with the event in terms
the quality of my life when we do with
inside of our head we can take things
that destroy other people and cause them
to make us better
this whole seminar today you’re gonna go
through as a result of you having an
event that was not pleasurable last
night especially since I was exhausted
no sleep and also amplified my feelings
about the situation and then what
happened was I asked myself a question
how can I use this what’s great about
this I was not feeling I was great I’m
gonna use this what’s great about this
the rain starts that was great about
this as it means what we tried to do
before this wasn’t making sense we’re
not quite we almost had it wasn’t quite
there so it’s great about this I found
that out cuz I want to share with you
the best what’s great about is I can use
this intense emotion see what really
will work and the most intense feelings
are not wow what a great deal it’s not
the event it’s what you do with it and
remember the meaning you associate or
assigned to something meaning you
associate and put parenthesis or
assigned to something determines how you
feel and what you do so nearly it
meaning you associate or that you assign
to something term ins how you feel and
what you do throughout your life
determines how you feel and what you do
throughout your life bless you
the problem is are you communicating to
yourself in a way that’s empowering or
disempowering what would you say it
would be all the time it is probably if
you’re not totally happy disempower
so the problem is not the event the
problem is the meaning that you’re
associating to things
that’s affecting your actions throughout
your whole life determine your destiny
is probably disempowering a good deal of
time if you’re not happy if you’re happy
you’re probably assigning a lot of
empowering meetings aren’t you you
couples of core beliefs some ways of
looking at the world that really help
you help you to evaluate things away
where you’re really in charge or you’re
not in reaction so if we want to really
take control then you got to remember
what I’ve already said nothing life has
a meaning except the meaning that we
give it so for example the doctor Staff
the doctor raises voice says please give
me this let me listen please give me
this he doesn’t say the word please what
does that mean
scumbag doctor that’s what it means it
means he doesn’t respect you right means
he doesn’t care about you right no it
means if you’re upset that’s what the
meaning you’ve attached to it yet how
many would agree what else could it be
he’s angry if he’s angry already
stressed or he’s frustrated
does that give a right to stand by you
yes or no no way when I’m thinking him
right we just want to know what it
really means first does that make sense
how many of you have ever screwed up
come to see show of hands how many of
you have ever snapped that somebody had
nothing to do with them it was just your
state you were so stressed about
something else
how many have done this even beating you
totally well like your children hmm
ready I’ll try again
very nice think about that now when the
doctor does that instead of going here
it’s not right to do that you’re right
he has no right to do it yeah absolutely
right and you need to help him so he
doesn’t do that anymore
you need to help him not make it wrong
do you make him wrong is that gonna roll
him I’m not doing this again yes or no
doctor when all of a sudden you keep
asking your staff they don’t deliver
something you need I mean they’re
incompetent they don’t care means to me
you’re working above you anytime you’re
getting paid they’re gonna baby him
let’s not care about you
so it means know what might it mean
they’re overloaded they’re overworked
you beat him to a pulp they don’t want
to talk to you because you’ve been real
mean hard to be around they’re trying to
avoid you to stand in your way because
they’re afraid they’re and set you off
I noticed that was a doctor that was
laughing huh ma’am it’s not possible
let’s see which meaning you was signed
will determine how you feel and how you
treat people is that true and it doesn’t
stop there it continues because the
truth is most of you don’t communicate
all that you feel and it’s a good thing
cuz the mo word spoken in a moment of
anger some words like that are never
now that’s not true you can’t forget
people they all never forget that you
tell them I’ll never ever forget
they work real hard to remember but how
many of you forgotten your own home
telephone number address or how does all
the word though so you can’t forget get
you yes
actually forgetting is a very useful
tool I may want to teach you before the
weekends up the power of forgetting not
forgiving forget it hmm hmm this is
sometimes useful to forget especially if
what you’re forgetting is only your
conception especially since your
memories are nothing but myths anyway
because if you ask my mother I bet you
have a different story true today see
the bottom line in life and is we’ve got
to make sure that we assign a meaning
that empowers and pussing doesn’t
empower this is how by the way we don’t
really know for sure what the meaning is
unless we pass by the way do we always
have to ask now sometimes we can
hallucinate the people are coming from
the best place how often would it be
useful to lose sneaking people are
really coming to the positive attention
yes see if you question my behavior I
can probably deal with that but if you
question my intention that is gonna
really hurt because I’m gonna go don’t
be have a relationship don’t you know
who I am but that’s why I’m an ominous
fine I probably follow the cry for help
I’ll be pissed off you could ever
question my integrity or my intent or
whether I care about you how can you do
that after all I’ve done for you then
people start justifying noticing all
these leaders I think it really need
more man town cetera
so we’ve got a really do is we got to
say okay I don’t know what the meaning
is I’m not sure what the meaning is but
I’m sure that the intent is positive the
person need to stress or something else
well I know who they are I remember who
this person really is the moment doesn’t
matter this too shall pass
that’s her unless I decide to try hang
onto it not let it pass I’ve never tried
not to let something pass gets to be
painful after a few days you come home
you caught that one huh you come home
and your spouse is watching TV again the
reason is sleeper again they insanely
love you are given what does that mean
scumbag that’s a bad divorce they don’t
care they don’t love me they’re not
attracted to me anymore
can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be
attracted you when you in this
personality looks another man but Sir
the women can’t imagine why when they
get to come home just seeing you at this
unique state because they don’t have
very good taste that’s why they’ve got
maybe they know what they’ve got maybe
that’s why they’re looking meaning we
link to things determines our actions
therefore our destiny and order to share
that with you
the key mins to choose empowering versus
disempowering means the key for us from
now on is when something happens we’re
gonna probably have a reaction man throw
down with a little reaction we should
sit back and say what’s a whore
empowering way of looking at this what
might be a more empowering way of
looking at this what else could this
mean because I choose the empowering one
I may be wrong is it possible the person
really is this comeback I guess
anything’s possible but a probably won’t
empower you’re looking in that way
because people tend to be whatever you
make them you have a right people tend
to be in whatever you make them pretty
important
and I want you remember this like the
cenotes whatever you look for you will
find whatever you look for you will find
whatever you look for you’re gonna get
and by the way the way we look for
things is we ask questions about people
about our life about ourselves that’s
how you look for things the way you
direct what you focus on is ask a
question very quickly look we’re in this
room as fast you can delay notice
everything in this room that’s brown
quick it’s brown brown clothing people’s
hair floors a big brown brown brown holy
brown brown brown brown brown brown
brown close your eyes your eyes closed
now tell me everything in this room
that’s that mm-hmm
raise your hand if you see a lot more
Brown than you have that you see red
raise your hand open your eyes look for
red now see everything you see in this
room it’s red red red red anywhere you
can see it clothing people anyway see
read read read read read the grab that
red red let me see a lot more red now
raise your hand
guess what you get when you look for and
I got you a quart by asking a question
that’s also how you get yourself to look
for things by asking a question like
what’s wrong with this person
you know what you look if I’m wrong
is wrong there’s what’s wrong with them
why are they such as come back to why
there’s one reason here’s another here’s
another how come I can never succeed I
don’t see here you looking so yeah this
here my childhood you find somebody’s
horrible and did you find something good
in them if you look for it yes you know
yeah because you’re the one that terms
will it’s good anon dream but true could
you find something good in Saddam saying
if you wanted to what I’m saying should
if you wanted to could you in certain
evil think he’s good yeah people say hey
he’s gotten back our land I don’t
necessarily agree but weren’t agree to
be able to appreciate is there a
difference yeah you can appreciate
somebody’s view even if you don’t agree
with you can appreciate that for them if
that’s true you can appreciate but they
have a different reality than you have
about something most of us think we all
have to share the same seeing the
reality I’m sure we share the same
physical reality but physical reality is
not what most of us experience we
experience a perceive the reality we
made up in our hand isn’t that true and
so do you remember what the titleist
technology is bridging realities what we
want to do is build a bridge between our
reality in somebody else’s so that we
can connect at a relationship we want to
make them live in our reality we don’t
have to hold our we ours their absolute
we can create a bridge and by having a
bridge we can exchange information
between our two cities our two
communities of emotion our two
communities of understanding
and create a connection we don’t want to
separate connected we can share we can
have our own identity and feeling you
also connect and share there’s no limit
let me do it at any moment all we have
to do is choose to cross the bridge
bridge the reality I’ll show you how to
do that for people to rest your life you
can change your life like it’s so simple
it starts with this basic philosophical
understanding what you feel it’s based
on the meaning you give things
we’re the ones different meaning to
matter what you know feels like somebody
else the question is it empowering
meeting or disempowering me and if you
say yeah look I got proof I got proof
for what I’m saying is true you want to
be white then you want to be in a
relationship you want to be right you
want to be in love expect me an argument
it Alaskans I’m gonna be right every one
of you love cuz that’s really your
choice that’s really it see I think I
told the last time I was here out of
time few years back we’re at a unique
partner who I really cared a lot about
embezzled a quarter million dollars 97
or fifty eight thousand dollars a day I
got up to paint by this I got angrier
than I ever remember because I felt so
massively what hurt and it’s because I
had a feeling of what loss
the money was part of it the ability to
not have to think about money was
another part of an equally big part of
the was I cared about this person they
took advantage of me I felt the loss
trust loss of love loss of connection
all I got stacked in the same let me
hear that
see the truth of the matter is why have
every right to be able to point and show
this guy’s mom sure will that make my
life better
no I don’t do say how can I use this and
move on not making right not making
wrong just go okay yeah what make a
person do that you don’t when I finally
start asking what make a person do that
I created my entire destiny technologies
probably is the most powerful to send
distinctions like midnight so figured
out I could use it what I could learn
from instead of how come is happening
and I turned the finances around like
Pineville and then company did four
million dollars a year fifty million
dollars you it’s a fairly larger all
because I chose to create a different
meaning meaning is this is a chance for
me to go the next level meaning is this
chance we learn make something better
protective why don’t you leave that
meaning between oil changes remember if
you don’t like the way you feel to
change your perception of what something
means the change in actions that’s what
it takes in the change
a little metaphor here come before it I
just wanna remind you that when you
decide you can’t find something also
never I said what you look for you’ll
find when you decide you can’t find
something you’ll also discover you won’t
find because what do you believe
something is true when you believe it’s
not your right how many of the
experience of having somebody say to you
something why can you find me the salt
you think yourself would you want the
cabin to get me a salt as you’re walking
you think I don’t know what the salt is
you really do look don’t you you really
look but you already have this believe
this is I get my dissolved so what
happens seamlessly go it’s not in here
nobody fire it’s right there on the
shelf you know it’s not they’re walking
they walk right beside you
we trying to be your face you know what
is this and what is it
how many have this happen to you now
solve ozone you there you said Tony what
I look for all fine yes what you look
for an Ernest will find see what you
really want the answer to
you’ll get there you go why am I still
happy but you really don’t want to know
the answer you’re not gonna get the
answer but what’s really great about
this person will get an answer it’s only
when you see poor and earnest if you
don’t look for something you won’t find
it you’re right you don’t commit
yourself defining it you won’t but they
do you remember what do you do when an
upset happens let me give you an example
what I learned from racing school
changed my whole life I race cars for
movies and so I went to several
different schools by the way to do this
let him forget in my first school the
first thing they really taught us it was
one school for racing as they said first
you got to do is you’re gonna know how
to recover him unrecovered before
anything else how to drive apart you
guys ought to do how to go forward you
know how to do that what you got to do
is learn how to recover when you hit the
skids in the road because if you don’t
do that you’re racing cruising rather
short or rather painful
and most of you in trying to race you
life and a lot of you are having a
rather painful time because you recover
very well or you recover but in the
process of recovering you smashing
everybody else’s car long away
now makes the next trip around a little
is in full for the people they see you
coming by they kind of avoid you a
little paper I’m gonna get do close to
this dog with this staff member this
person this account the secretaries
telephone person the person around the
calendar I’m not doing that what I do
they’re gonna smash me up to the process
of them trying to become so what they do
is they put you in the skin car or they
make you go through the process is about
to crash well they knock you off track
what it is escape by they got a little
computer a Firefox computer what it does
as a little lift let’s swing your wheels
you never know which direction you’re
screwing around the track screaming
screaming screaming screaming you’re not
doing the full speed by kind of 20 miles
now they start your little slower to go
do this one you go about 6070 miles an
hour but 6070 miles an hour attracts
pretty intense and you run right for a
wall and all of a sudden you start to
skid out of control what they tell you
in advance is you got to do is when you
start scaring to control there’s only
one key look where you want to go focus
on where you want to go do not focus on
what you’re afraid of
now what do people do in life we focus
on what we fear and we get more whatever
we focus on that’s what they tell you
that is it look whatever you focus on
that’s how you’re gonna go wherever you
focus on you’re gonna get Mara you focus
on the wall you’re gonna get a lot of
wall real fast you’re a crash but you
need to get his focus on what you want
not what you think you’re going not
where you think you are if you’re not
where you want to be if you’re not where
you’re wanting to go focus on where you
want to go immediately don’t hesitate
they said that what you have to do is
when you do this it won’t feel like it’s
working at first because you’ll still
feel like you’re going into the wall
because what happens you have so much
momentum in that direction when you
focus where you want to go they’ll still
be a little bit of momentum in that
direction
and they’ll be a little bit of a lag
time before the car turns so don’t
because you don’t take turning turn back
and look as you do you’re gonna go right
through crash keep there yeah
that F word what is it hey so what
happens is you turn you’re going in
going in and look as well as people do
first one will show me a turn when I do
the first time I’m just looking at the
wall my instructor last night say my lab
never had going and pulling my head
physically in the direction I should be
looking which is directing ninety
degrees opposite of where I was going
right heading for the wall
that’s my new look so I’m gonna grab
singles like this pull my head over here
and all we do we give it up and why
second turn way no one oh my god
heartbeat Anatomy I said maybe I should
try a different sport I don’t know this
is a good metaphor for life than they do
it against I got there you never know
what they’re gonna do it you’re going
you’re going to going
I don’t son I’m certain live racing
Racing racing also Susan I started going
anyway I did who I pulled my hand I’m
like pulling my head mr. edge because I
keep on going this way look what it is
pull it and I’m waiting win and sure
enough car turns just in time after a
while you don’t you do something happens
you notice what it is you’ll scare it
what it is you’ll figure out what it is
you go that’s a wall smacking that what
would it be like to smack that blue they
smack that my body or my head now what
happens is you see the wall you know
what it is you only acknowledge the
problem enough to know what it is and
then move on no one it is focus on where
where to go minute I can define what it
is and that’s not where I want to go
boom so I’m have more room the car and
it’s like now now we just get off it’s
so fast
focus on what you want and you get more
focus on what you fear you’ll get one of
that
focus on what you want and you’ll get
more focus on looking fear you’ll get
more of that bottled wine inch almost
everybody in life focuses on what they
fear and that’s why they get more of
what they don’t want well yeah but what
does this happen what if that happens
you keep asking what if this happens
what if that happens I guarantee you’re
gonna crash it’s only a matter of time
instead of you gonna say well what if
this happens what I want what will
happen I will make this happen what I
want the more you focus on that the more
of an experience you’ll have what it is
you want life you’ll get it right away
now here’s the problem you got to still
hang on to your F what is it faith you
know what faith is faith is
understanding the seasons of life life
comes in seasons doesn’t smell always
the same but it’s still predictable as a
whole how many of you were surprised
when winter comes cuz he shouldn’t know
you and be surprised you don’t be
surprised when it comes and are their
emotional winters yes or no
you better believe there are other times
you try to communicate well doesn’t work
all the times in the office where it
feels a little frigid well cold that’s
not just the air-conditioning what
happens during the winter you break out
a fire to warm each other up see some
people freeze to death in the winter
other people ski the meaning of winter
is whatever you do with it isn’t that
true wait there’s nothing wrong with
winter what it was always summer why be
great oh yeah I think you’re bored and
son let’s try to get burned
some people get burned in the summer
some even get tan some people swim some
people go on vacation springtime is a
great time to get to glam follow you get
to read
you don’t happen to some evil wife some
people do is they say okay I know what
you said about but I’m sure I focus but
it’s not working you’re still alive time
God’s delays are not God’s denials
that’s the laser not God’s in our heads
when lag time doesn’t catch up hey look
you think it’s fall we’re still in
winter we think it’s funny you’re in
spring or you’ve made it to summer but
we’re not to fall yeah don’t be so darn
impatient take on a new prayer lord give
me patience and give it to me right now
be equally intelligent it’s like some
people think okay I don’t know what I
want I want the seed to be planned they
figure the soil they come out the next
day and they go where’s my plant the
song goes are you new that’s not how it
works you plant it here okay you come
back every day and take care of it right
you make it through the whole spring
then doing summer when it’s hot you got
a really really take care of it because
it gets you worse during that time and
make it through all those seasons and
the fall maybe more than likely not
always but most the time you will have a
plant here that’s how it works
that’s not there that’s the life is how
what he doesn’t know how you think it
should be you coming back in today the
plants so you come and start laughing
look at this guy what’s the matter with
you why don’t I have to get like time
that’s why don’t make yourself wrong
because you’re doing the right things
and you don’t see the results yet
takes time most people completely
overestimate what can be done in a year
underestimate what can be done today I
can tell you my own career my business
life in Hartzell every day every day two
hundred seventy six seven hours a year
the morning my giving with all anybody
knows me will tell you on my Hall
everybody doing out of what you know
what I was broke I was frustrated
outside in terms of the business
business well nothing was working but I
kept you know asked myself great price
like why am i screwing this up so much
that wasn’t me screwing up if flag Tom
had a make distinction that I build
something’s coming
let me on the egg a little reality check
which are going to teach you a reality
check that flying into Los Angeles would
be my seminar out there in my helicopter
my jet helicopter it’s a tough life so I
want to drive for three hours I jump the
helicopter on there three
you
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