why is it so hard to do the little
things you’ve got to feel ready in order
to change at some point you’re gonna
have the courage at some point you’re
gonna have the confident and in order to
change in order to build a business in
order to be the best parent of a spouse
to do all those things that you know you
want to do with your life with work with
your dreams you’re gonna have to do
things that are difficult uncertain or
scary I am one decision away from a
totally different marriage a totally
different life a totally different job a
totally different income a totally
different your life comes down to your
decisions and if you change your
decisions you will change everything I
was 41 years old I was unemployed my
husband had started a restaurant
business which was his dream this is
actually a funny story when he he got
laid off from a big job in high-tech and
I think he was really relieved you know
how a lot of us wait to quit our jobs
and then we get laid off or like and he
said I’m not gonna look for a job I’m
gonna go into the restaurant business
and I think I said the most famous lines
of our marriage at that point I looked
at him and I said listen buddy
inspiration is for strangers you get
your butt back to that job and you pay
the mortgage and again micro moment or
I’m being a jerk instead of being a
supportive wife but that’s an example of
where when he said he was not gonna go
get a job but he was gonna start a
business the first thing that was there
was fear right and so fear was making
the decision for me that you can share
that though that’s so powerful well so
what happened is he the first restaurant
was a home run and of course what do you
do when things are successful you grow
it grow really big and so they decided
to raise some money and we threw in our
home equity line the kids college
savings they tried to open a second and
a third and at the same point a grocery
store chain encouraged them to go into
wholesale so it basically got way too
big way too fast
and the wheels started to come off and
they came off so badly that the second
restaurant failed and they held on to it
for too long like a lot of us do it’s
another trick our brains plan us called
sunk costs when you throw a ton of time
and a ton of money at something it’s
really hard to let go of it and if you
haven’t done it in business we all have
a relationship in our past stayed way
too long that was a trick your brain
played on you so by the time that they
closed the second restaurant it was an
$800,000 loss oh I don’t I mean that
meant our entire home equity line gone
right
it meant kids come I get just choked up
just thinking about how terrifying it
was and so I found myself at the age of
41 like just feeling like a complete
failure and so did Chris and to make it
worse not only had we lost all of our
savings but so many friends and family
members had invested and so there was
this real tension between the truth of
what was happening and what you had to
do in public because it was public
business shame failure embarrassment and
the lean started to hit the house the
phone started to ring and it was nothing
but collection calls and I just remember
feeling this tremendous shame and at
some point I think we all hit that
moment in life where things just are not
going how you thought they would go and
and what’s amazing about those moments
is we all respond very differently so my
husband he would spring out of bed and
he would head right out that door six
o’clock in the morning and he would go
meet his partner and they would go to
the bank and they would dig right in and
they would face their problems head-on
and I he’s also a smart guy I mean he
did not want to be in the house when
yours truly woke up because I was a
Raging Bitch at that point in our lives
and the reason why is because when
you’re scared and you’re afraid and
you’re jealous and you’re overwhelmed
with emotion it is so much easier to
point the finger and other people that’s
a decision by the way sir one you may
not be aware that you’re making but
you’re still making it so what would
happen to me is the exact opposite is
is Chris would be gone the alarm would
go off at six o’clock in the morning and
I would lie there and I would think
about the lien on the house and I would
think about the bankruptcy that we were
facing and I would think about how much
we had fought the night before and I
would think about the fact that I was
unemployed and I would hit the snooze
button and why would you get up when
your life is like that why would you I
mean I needed confidence I needed
courage I was so tapped out and and you
know it’s in the scheme of life hitting
the snooze button is not that big of a
deal but here’s the thing about life
none of us wake up and say today is the
day I destroy my life what we do is we
kind of check out because it feels
overwhelming or we check out because
we’re afraid or we check out because we
start listening to self-doubt and then
we make these teeny tiny decisions all
day long we don’t even realize it
decision to not get up on time a
decision to not eat the right thing a
decision to snap at your kids a decision
to not speak in a meeting a decision to
not look for a job a decision to not
deal with your finances a decision to
not call your parent like whatever it is
all day long these tiny decisions that
take you so far off track and then you
wake up like I did and you you look at
your life and you think how the hell did
I get here and more importantly how do I
get back over there and you have no idea
and so I was so trapped and I know from
your story you felt the same way like
you knew that there was more in store
for you but you couldn’t figure out how
you closed the gap how do you find the
power that’s in you how do you discover
your greatness how do you solve these
problems it feels so overwhelming when
you can I mean I would go to the grocery
store and and the items would scan and I
would be sitting there reading my excuse
because there was no way that my check
car was gonna clear so what I got in
this struggle with myself that a lot of
us find ourselves in and that
is you get trapped in what I call the
knowledge action gap you know what to do
but you can’t seem to make yourself do
it right I mean every one of us is one
Google search away from a list of
instructions that if you follow any of
them one it will change your life but
how do you get out of your head and stop
thinking about what you need to do and
actually do it and in my case this stuff
was pretty easy get up on time make
breakfast for the kids get them on the
bus
start looking for a job be nicer to
Chris don’t drink so much instead of
isolating yourself pick up the phone and
call a friend
get yourself out into the woods and go
for a walk
start running again it’s like all these
little things that I was capable of but
I couldn’t get out of here could not get
out of here and if you’re stuck that’s
the problem the problem is you’re you’re
in your head you’re thinking that is the
universal problem and it all starts with
this knowledge of what to do and then
you hesitate and you think about whether
or not you feel like doing it so for a
couple months I was I was really stuck I
I would Chris would get up at 6:00 I’d
hit the snooze and then I’d hit the
snooze and then I hit the snooze the
kids would miss the bus and then every
night I’d do the same thing I’d go in
bed have you ever had one of those
nights probably before you started your
company but it where you go in bed
you’re like all right um that’s it
tomorrow it’s the new me tomorrow
tomorrow I’m gonna get up on time I am
gonna go to the gym I am gonna look for
a job I’m not gonna drink so much it’s
gonna be amazing the new me the future
me whoa let’s do this right then you go
to bed and you wake up seven hours later
and you’re like I don’t know me it’s the
only who could that’s a stupid at seat
motivations garbage it’s never there
when you need it ever ever ever ever and
so here’s what happened to me and thank
you for wearing the NASA t-shirt it’s a
really stupid story it’s a powerful
story so one night Chris had gone to bed
I’ve been struggling struggling
struggling we still had all the
same problems I we started lien on the
house still facing bankruptcy still
fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed
he still they still hadn’t figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this
rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh it I am gonna launch myself out of
bed like a rocket ship like NASA right
here had launched me out of that bed and
I’m gonna move so fast that I don’t
think hmm I’m gonna beat my brain now
here’s a really interesting point I
talked a lot about your instincts and
inner wisdom and we can get into this a
little bit later but a lot of us talk
about the fact that you have a gut
feeling but what all this research that
I’ve done for the book and and all the
speaking that I do what I’ve discovered
that’s fascinating is actually when you
set goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it
does is it opens up a checklist and then
your brain goes to work trying to remind
you yeah of that intention that you said
and it’s really important to develop the
skill and I say that word purposefully
the skill of knowing how to hear that
inner wisdom and that intention kicking
in and leaning into it quickly so for me
my brain saying that’s it right there
move as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier
the desire is there again it’s about how
do you go from knowledge to actions so
the first thing in the story that’s
important is realizing that the answer
was in me and my mind was telling me pay
attention I could have also been the
Bourbon
anyway the next morning the alarm goes
off and I pretended NASA was there
it’s a stupidest story I literally went
5 4 3 2 1 I counted out loud and then I
stood up and I’ll never forget standing
there in my bedroom it was dark it was
cold it was winter in Boston and for the
first time in 3 months I had beaten my
habit of hitting the snooze button I
couldn’t believe it and I thought wait a
minute counting backwards said is the
dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my
entire life well the next morning I used
it again and it worked the next morning
I used it again and it worked the next
morning I used it again and it worked
and then I started to notice something
really interesting there were moments
all day long all day long just like that
five-second moment in bed where I knew
knowledge what I should do and if I
didn’t move within 5 seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it
every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you
have about a five-second window in which
you can move from idea to action before
your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because
remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable
or uncertain or scary it’s your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that
could change everything into acting on
things you’ve got to feel ready in order
to change at some point you’re gonna
have the courage at some point you’re
gonna have the confident and in order to
change in order to build a business in
order to be the best parent of a spouse
to do all those things that you know you
want to do with your life with work with
your dreams you’re gonna have to do
things that are difficult uncertain or
scary I am one decision away from a
totally different marriage a totally
different life a totally different job a
totally different income a totally
different your life comes down to your
decisions and if you change your
decisions you will change everything I
was 41 years old I was unemployed my
husband had started a restaurant
business which was his dream this is
actually a funny story when he he got
laid off from a big job in high-tech and
I think he was really relieved you know
how a lot of us wait to quit our jobs
and then we get laid off or like and he
said I’m not gonna look for a job I’m
gonna go into the restaurant business
and I think I said the most famous lines
of our marriage at that point I looked
at him and I said listen buddy
inspiration is for strangers you get
your butt back to that job and you pay
the mortgage and again micro moment or
I’m being a jerk instead of being a
supportive wife but that’s an example of
where when he said he was not gonna go
get a job but he was gonna start a
business the first thing that was there
was fear right and so fear was making
the decision for me that you can share
that though that’s so powerful well so
what happened is he the first restaurant
was a home run and of course what do you
do when things are successful you grow
it grow really big and so they decided
to raise some money and we threw in our
home equity line the kids college
savings they tried to open a second and
a third and at the same point a grocery
store chain encouraged them to go into
wholesale so it basically got way too
big way too fast
and the wheels started to come off and
they came off so badly that the second
restaurant failed and they held on to it
for too long like a lot of us do it’s
another trick our brains plan us called
sunk costs when you throw a ton of time
and a ton of money at something it’s
really hard to let go of it and if you
haven’t done it in business we all have
a relationship in our past stayed way
too long that was a trick your brain
played on you so by the time that they
closed the second restaurant it was an
$800,000 loss oh I don’t I mean that
meant our entire home equity line gone
right
it meant kids come I get just choked up
just thinking about how terrifying it
was and so I found myself at the age of
41 like just feeling like a complete
failure and so did Chris and to make it
worse not only had we lost all of our
savings but so many friends and family
members had invested and so there was
this real tension between the truth of
what was happening and what you had to
do in public because it was public
business shame failure embarrassment and
the lean started to hit the house the
phone started to ring and it was nothing
but collection calls and I just remember
feeling this tremendous shame and at
some point I think we all hit that
moment in life where things just are not
going how you thought they would go and
and what’s amazing about those moments
is we all respond very differently so my
husband he would spring out of bed and
he would head right out that door six
o’clock in the morning and he would go
meet his partner and they would go to
the bank and they would dig right in and
they would face their problems head-on
and I he’s also a smart guy I mean he
did not want to be in the house when
yours truly woke up because I was a
Raging Bitch at that point in our lives
and the reason why is because when
you’re scared and you’re afraid and
you’re jealous and you’re overwhelmed
with emotion it is so much easier to
point the finger and other people that’s
a decision by the way sir one you may
not be aware that you’re making but
you’re still making it so what would
happen to me is the exact opposite is
is Chris would be gone the alarm would
go off at six o’clock in the morning and
I would lie there and I would think
about the lien on the house and I would
think about the bankruptcy that we were
facing and I would think about how much
we had fought the night before and I
would think about the fact that I was
unemployed and I would hit the snooze
button and why would you get up when
your life is like that why would you I
mean I needed confidence I needed
courage I was so tapped out and and you
know it’s in the scheme of life hitting
the snooze button is not that big of a
deal but here’s the thing about life
none of us wake up and say today is the
day I destroy my life what we do is we
kind of check out because it feels
overwhelming or we check out because
we’re afraid or we check out because we
start listening to self-doubt and then
we make these teeny tiny decisions all
day long we don’t even realize it
decision to not get up on time a
decision to not eat the right thing a
decision to snap at your kids a decision
to not speak in a meeting a decision to
not look for a job a decision to not
deal with your finances a decision to
not call your parent like whatever it is
all day long these tiny decisions that
take you so far off track and then you
wake up like I did and you you look at
your life and you think how the hell did
I get here and more importantly how do I
get back over there and you have no idea
and so I was so trapped and I know from
your story you felt the same way like
you knew that there was more in store
for you but you couldn’t figure out how
you closed the gap how do you find the
power that’s in you how do you discover
your greatness how do you solve these
problems it feels so overwhelming when
you can I mean I would go to the grocery
store and and the items would scan and I
would be sitting there reading my excuse
because there was no way that my check
car was gonna clear so what I got in
this struggle with myself that a lot of
us find ourselves in and that
is you get trapped in what I call the
knowledge action gap you know what to do
but you can’t seem to make yourself do
it right I mean every one of us is one
Google search away from a list of
instructions that if you follow any of
them one it will change your life but
how do you get out of your head and stop
thinking about what you need to do and
actually do it and in my case this stuff
was pretty easy get up on time make
breakfast for the kids get them on the
bus
start looking for a job be nicer to
Chris don’t drink so much instead of
isolating yourself pick up the phone and
call a friend
get yourself out into the woods and go
for a walk
start running again it’s like all these
little things that I was capable of but
I couldn’t get out of here could not get
out of here and if you’re stuck that’s
the problem the problem is you’re you’re
in your head you’re thinking that is the
universal problem and it all starts with
this knowledge of what to do and then
you hesitate and you think about whether
or not you feel like doing it so for a
couple months I was I was really stuck I
I would Chris would get up at 6:00 I’d
hit the snooze and then I’d hit the
snooze and then I hit the snooze the
kids would miss the bus and then every
night I’d do the same thing I’d go in
bed have you ever had one of those
nights probably before you started your
company but it where you go in bed
you’re like all right um that’s it
tomorrow it’s the new me tomorrow
tomorrow I’m gonna get up on time I am
gonna go to the gym I am gonna look for
a job I’m not gonna drink so much it’s
gonna be amazing the new me the future
me whoa let’s do this right then you go
to bed and you wake up seven hours later
and you’re like I don’t know me it’s the
only who could that’s a stupid at seat
motivations garbage it’s never there
when you need it ever ever ever ever and
so here’s what happened to me and thank
you for wearing the NASA t-shirt it’s a
really stupid story it’s a powerful
story so one night Chris had gone to bed
I’ve been struggling struggling
struggling we still had all the
same problems I we started lien on the
house still facing bankruptcy still
fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed
he still they still hadn’t figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this
rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh it I am gonna launch myself out of
bed like a rocket ship like NASA right
here had launched me out of that bed and
I’m gonna move so fast that I don’t
think hmm I’m gonna beat my brain now
here’s a really interesting point I
talked a lot about your instincts and
inner wisdom and we can get into this a
little bit later but a lot of us talk
about the fact that you have a gut
feeling but what all this research that
I’ve done for the book and and all the
speaking that I do what I’ve discovered
that’s fascinating is actually when you
set goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it
does is it opens up a checklist and then
your brain goes to work trying to remind
you yeah of that intention that you said
and it’s really important to develop the
skill and I say that word purposefully
the skill of knowing how to hear that
inner wisdom and that intention kicking
in and leaning into it quickly so for me
my brain saying that’s it right there
move as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier
the desire is there again it’s about how
do you go from knowledge to actions so
the first thing in the story that’s
important is realizing that the answer
was in me and my mind was telling me pay
attention I could have also been the
Bourbon
anyway the next morning the alarm goes
off and I pretended NASA was there
it’s a stupidest story I literally went
5 4 3 2 1 I counted out loud and then I
stood up and I’ll never forget standing
there in my bedroom it was dark it was
cold it was winter in Boston and for the
first time in 3 months I had beaten my
habit of hitting the snooze button I
couldn’t believe it and I thought wait a
minute counting backwards said is the
dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my
entire life well the next morning I used
it again and it worked the next morning
I used it again and it worked the next
morning I used it again and it worked
and then I started to notice something
really interesting there were moments
all day long all day long just like that
five-second moment in bed where I knew
knowledge what I should do and if I
didn’t move within 5 seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it
every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you
have about a five-second window in which
you can move from idea to action before
your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because
remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable
or uncertain or scary it’s your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that
could change everything into acting on
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