I mean The Truman Show was a was a
another moment where you know I had to
kind of deal with well you’re not
allowed to do that
you know you’ve presented yourself one
way and you know it’s it’s a tough thing
to convince people that there’s
something more or that they might want
to see something different but I’ve
always believed all the way along I
believed that that it was about a spark
right it was about who you are as a
person it’s about your soul it’s about
not necessary I mean you do what you do
so well but there is something about you
that that is attractive to people in a
way that they want to sit and watch you
for an hour and and listen to you and
listen to your insights but it’s about
you and who you are what is it worth
what is it worth it that’s that’s what
I’ve come to so many times in my career
in my life is that I’ve I’ve said the
safe road is is is gonna pay off there
are there are many payoffs to it but I
can’t be there and and and have my soul
be on a completely different track I
just it’s always worth losing missing me
it’s always worth risking and if if if
this other side of me is not a popular
one in
in the scheme of things as far as movie
tickets go then you know what I’ll find
a way to sneak it in there out out out
I’ll make a plan I will I will show
myself you know I will find a way and
even if even if I’m not as popular I
will live in that area I will expand
myself you know I have I started out
with many many desires as far as as far
as this business goes and I’ve so
surpassed all of them that I that it’s
uh it’s not as meaningful to me anymore
I really love the work itself I’ve
examined myself on several occasions why
am I really doing this am I doing this
because I want to be famous I think
there was an element to that when I
started out I wanted to be a Rainmaker
and we should talk about battling it
further because what does that mean that
means I think I wasn’t necessarily seen
as much or as intently as I wanted to be
when I was a kid I had I had a job at
least in my own mind and that was to
make my mother feel better she was kind
of a very ill in many ways and so it was
to make her feel better and I think
ultimately I imitated my father he was a
very funny guy but also I some need and
maybe I don’t know whether they created
it or I created it but I felt a need to
make them feel that their life was
worthwhile that they did something
special just by the very fact that they
brought me into the world so from a very
young age I wanted to convince them that
I was a miracle and then I wanted to
convince the world that I was a miracle
and and now I want to convince the world
that I’m just like them so you went from
commission first your miracle and then
you are just like them yes and how does
that play out today in terms of
convincing the world you are just like
them that you are well what I’m finding
is is an interesting thing because I
have a lot of people asking me why are
you are you afraid that people won’t
accept you
and I know that in my life and at least
in my you know the circle people I know
and know my friends that know my work it
seems like an even people I talk to like
you it seems like people are almost
waiting for it that they suspected that
there’s another level to me in there and
they’re kind of intrigued and interested
in what that might be it’s it’s it’s
that and it’s an addiction obviously I
mean I’d love an addiction to isn’t
knowing yourself yeah an addiction to
trying to figure out and maybe this is
an impossible task but you know
everybody’s looking for bliss you know
in some way or another and I think I’ve
come to the realization lately that that
that bliss comes in waves and there and
everybody but he gets a certain amount
of it but but in between it’s just hard
working in this body and that it is the
unwise person to expect bliss will be
there all to loot Lee
absolutely but you look for it you look
for and you wonder why you’re off the
beam all the time whatever so I’m
constantly examining myself I probably
do it too much
I’ve always over thought everything and
then you’re reading them or soon and you
read yeah
yeah right which is the big the big the
big thing for me you know in life right
now is the the excerpt from compensation
yes a he did on compensation where it
talks about that man would I recognize I
would see the mermaids head but not the
dragon’s tail and these are this is
something that happens over and over and
over in my life in relationships and in
in choices that I make professionally
you know a lot of times you just don’t
want to believe in the bad but the bad
is there you know the negativity is
there or the the the obvious drawback to
the situation is there but you just go I
want
and and that’s that comes down to thy
will be done and everything biblical
it’s you know it’s so I’m always
struggling with these concepts it’s to
my desire is my only problem in this
world your desire yes it to do your
appetite my appetite yeah absolutely
yeah to prove everything and to be
everything but you it’s our intention
our intention is everything nothing
happens on this planet without it not
one single thing has ever been
accomplished without intention so I
started thinking about my life and I
started thinking about this conference
and what we’re about and and I looked
back and I thought well I was two people
my whole life I was in the living room
entertaining people being a monkey you
know doing my thing for the company and
and trying to relieve my mother who was
suffered she had arthritis and Vitus and
everything everything under the Sun that
was nagging at her and she was depressed
and I wanted her to be free and I wanted
her to realize that her life was worth
something because she gave birth to
and then I would go into my room and I
with the legal pad I was a little kid
and I would sit there but I would try to
figure out what it meant what it was all
about why are we here what is this and
one day I read something from Buddha
that said that all spirituality is about
relieving suffering and I suddenly
realized that’s what I’m doing in the
other room
and and I’m aligned
you know this my purpose is aligned with
this so I felt incredibly lucky I lose
sight of that all the time I get caught
up in different concerns and ego
concerns
but I’m so lucky to be a part of this
community and to to do something that is
a value
and really cherish that and we are all
one thing it really is true can I speak
to the person in the last row in the
very last seat against the wall is that
is there someone back there that can say
hello what’s your name
Andrea are you aware that do you have
the distinct palpable feeling that your
intention created this evening as well
as Melissa’s do you understand that that
all of this this entire event is
[Applause]
[Music]
we’ll just try to feel it for a second
some people go to the Super Bowl I am
the Super Bowl man I swear my friends
are all going to see that play that was
great I’m like yeah but the energy
coming out of me right now man is
unbelievable
I’m just sitting there I’m the stadium
on the vendors outside I’m the crack
dealer on the corner I’m everything man
there’s no end to it and it’s so much
fun it’s so much fun so I hope you can
feel that and I hope you understand that
you are one of the creators of this
evening that your intentions and your
desires created this evening as well and
then I hope you are able to ask yourself
why did I get such a crappy seat and be
I mean you’re in the last row in the
that’s gotta be it’s a really selfless
thing to do so understand based on some
things that I read about you you know
that in the end it’s really a lot about
self-respect yes it is because you know
yourself yeah and it is well yeah and
self-respect is certainly one of the
major problems in the world self-esteem
is is the reason for most ills and you
know desiring what we don’t have I mean
Holden is me or I am Peter Ashe Hilton
yes how did you mean that well in in the
respect that he has this yearning this
yearning that that is more important to
him
again false gods right when you put
something so in the forefront of your
life some desire in the forefront of
your life that everything else starts to
suffer
I understand that I understand that
because I’ve gone that way and then had
to pull myself back or whatever but it’s
the yearning that that that is can be
something very positive it can create
wonderful things but when it when it
makes you negate your life and the
people in your life it becomes or you
know again like when it makes you bear
false witness you know and sell somebody
out it’s it’s just not worth having you
know that that yearning is the tough
part
the yearning to kind of have that but
not make it completely consume you and
that would be the selling out of his
friend out of his friends we’re not
guilty of anything and he wouldn’t even
know he’s living in a place of fear of
loss right you know and that’s always a
dangerous character the guy who’s afraid
of loss is a dangerous guy because he’s
the guy in Hollywood the stabs you in
the back or you know turns on somebody
or whatever the you know trying to
protect it’s you know story if you know
a man’s fear then you can conquer him
some say truly I mean that’s what the
blacklist era was about so somebody you
know McCarthy sat back and said my gosh
what a what a wonderful fear to take
advantage of and and to bring myself to
you know what I believe in the universe
I believe in the horn of plenty I
believe in the cornucopia you know so
I’m not afraid of Tom Cruise and what
his movies do and I can enjoy it and I
can enjoy Russell Crowe and because
there is so much in the universe we all
you know can feed from it and we all we
all you know enough for everybody is
that where you are in your head at this
yes after season they’ve got a Russell
Crowe as a movie out no cruise as a
movie yet you’re saying there’s enough
I’m perfectly happy with what absolutely
Jim has been given so much I mean I
would be a green boar at the trough of
life you know if I if I questioned if
you wanted at all oh my gosh I mean you
know I I sit down with the friends of
mine who are in the perfect in the
acting profession and and they say you
know these are really good actors and
they say man no one’s really getting the
chance to do what you’re getting to do
you know I mean this is a it’s quite an
arc what’s going on that time and time
again I feel so lucky to have it
but you had to bring something otherwise
they would not continue to give you the
chance and you obviously recognize that
you have to allow yourself to be seen
that’s at risk the risk is especially
for somebody who’s comedic yeah who has
that that weapon and its disposal just
to go off in the rift yeah yeah to risk
being seen is the toughest thing in the
world we’re all very shy people you know
people who do comedy we’re shy and the
emotion is right there on the surface if
you prick me with a pin I would fly
around the room you know so that’s the
risk is that you are showing them
yourself you’re your true authentic self
and the chances of being rejected are
much more important you know much more
my father could have been a great
comedian but he didn’t believe that that
was possible for him and so he made a
conservative choice instead he got a
safe job as an accountant and when I was
12 years old he was let go from that
safe job and our family had to do
whatever we could to survive I learned
many great lessons from my father not
the least of which was that you can fail
and when you don’t want so you might as
well take a chance on doing what you
love that piece that we’re after lies
somewhere beyond personality
whereas I can tell it’s just about
letting the universe know what you want
and working toward it while letting go
of how it comes to pass when I say life
doesn’t happen to you it happens for you
really don’t know that’s proof
I’m just making a conscious choice to
perceive challenges as something
beneficial so that I can deal with them
in the most productive way you’ll come
up with your own style that’s part of
the fun
like many of you I was concerned about
going out into the world and doing
something bigger than myself until
someone smarter than myself made me
realize that there is nothing bigger
than myself you are ready and able to do
beautiful things in this world and after
you walk through those doors today
we’ll only ever have two choices love
choose love and don’t ever let fear turn
you can spend your whole life imagining
ghosts worrying about the pathway to the
future but all there will ever be is
what’s happening
in the decisions we making this morning
which are based in either love
so many of us choose our path out of
we really want seem to possibly out of
reach and ridiculous to expect so we
never dare to ask the universe for I’m
saying I’m the proof that you can ask
I can tell you from experience the
effect you have on others is the most
valuable currency they’re immunes
yeah I would visualize yeah this is your
life well good for right having
directors interested in me and people
that I respected saying you know I like
your work or whatever that is and and I
would visualize things coming to me that
I wanted or whatever this was in like
nineteen eighty seven eighty five yeah
and I had nothing at that time so it was
like it but it just made me feel better
it made me at that time all it really
was for me was kind of making me feel
better I would drive home and think well
I do have these things and they’re out
there I just don’t have a hold of them
yet but they’re out there I wrote myself
a check for ten million dollars for
acting services rendered and I gave
myself five years there were three years
maybe and and I dated at Thanksgiving
1995 and I put it in my wallet and I
kept it there and it deteriorated and
deteriorated and stuff and and but then
just before Thanksgiving 1995 I found
out that I was gonna make ten million
dollars on think of it it’s all a risk
but ya know going on stage would be
wonderful I I I used to you know I did
some 15 years in the comedy clubs before
I really started acting 101 in standup
it’s just a THD of some kind well it’s a
PhD of being able to relate to an
audience for sheer cliff ya know and
then having drunks
this isn’t thing it’s like God you
better own it you know whatever it is
you better own it I know you know I
didn’t have this need for stuff I’m
always like afraid almost no I like say
prayers you know make sure you know that
I still have something to do here
because well I really believe in the
idea that if you don’t have something to
do here you call well it is no first you
said something about your parents that
is fascinated me at a certain point they
were just waiting for the end yeah yeah
and absolutely lovely people right but
kind of lost heart you know my father
lost his job and that her attrition of
life had taken its toll
yes absolutely and I think at a certain
point they weren’t enjoying they weren’t
they were just kind of waiting on
and I saw that early on and I said no
kid
I can’t have that I have to break that
cycle you know so I’m fascinated with
that myself and I’m kind of weary of it
myself
about my motivations about
allegiances about what I’m expressing in
the world you know just my day-to-day
you know contact with people the idea
that you know people come up to me and
say I love you you know I I I try extra
hard to give them energy you know to
make it something that isn’t about me
it’s about them and this moment whatever
it is yeah you know I’m constantly you
know trying to figure out where I’m at
and whether I’m whether I’m corrupting
myself or or not or I probably just you
know really too much about this but it
weighs heavy on me alone I believe in
manifestation I believe in you know
putting a rocket of desire out into the
universe and and you get it when you
believe it you get it when you believe
you have it and that’s the key is like
people still they sit around going
when’s it gonna come when they’re gonna
come when’s it gonna come when’s it
gonna come and that’s the wrong way
you’re you’re facing the wrong way
you’re facing away from it you have to
I used to open my arms I used to sit up
there you know and open my arms and
imagine a giant funnel of gifts would
come right into the universe to God I
you could you know cut to me there I’m
like like this and and if nothing else
it made me feel more positive about
where I was I I drove down from a
Holland Drive every every night you know
that I went up there feeling that I was
one of the biggest detectors in
Hollywood I was doing wonderful work
that made people happy I was you know I
owned all that that was it I guess you
know what I own when you think about it
is is my faith that’s what I hope that’s
about it
because I started thinking materially
and you know those your faith in
yourself or you have faith in some a
thin the universe faith in myself yeah
that’s it that is at the end what you
want that’s the sense so that’s all I
have that you could that’s exactly right
mr. Palmer stuff away and right and if
you have that that sense of age that’s
huge and it’s the biggest is what the
huge you know for the most I’ve seen
mountains move in my life so I’ve had
just endless gifts and they’ve all been
things that I have at some point sat in
and made myself believe were possible
and you did with the check four years
earlier you did yes right I wrote myself
a check when I saw phantom Oh hall and
dry I wrote myself a post-dated check
Thanksgiving 1995 for the sum of ten
million dollars and again it wasn’t
about the money it was about where you
are if you’re gonna see anybody right
what you’re doing because I’ve examined
that all the way along you know when all
this twenty million dollar man business
was happening you know I’ve examined
what my motivations are and the fact is
I’m addicted to expressing myself in in
certain ways and and I have to do it and
I would do it if I was making twenty
cents so it’s really about that
especially now I have enough money to
I’m fascinated by what creates
characters you know what what what
defines people what what creates them
what puts them together everybody’s
Frankenstein and they just like as life
goes on you either you either lose
pieces of yourself gain other pieces and
just that’s the fascinating thing about
acting it’s like somebody like Andy
Kaufman what is it and I stood by his
gravesite you know with his sister and
and and she said one thing to me that
cleared it all up and that was that Andy
was never part of the club so he created
his own club that no one else could be a
part of because I was fully compared to
just play out you know stand-up comedy
and comedy clubs yeah but there’s
somebody within you that constantly
pushed the edges of the envelope
wherever you were well or at least took
advantage of the opportunities that came
around and a lot of it has to do with
you know just the courage to jump in I
mean you know to do films that are out
of your so-called power Ally as they
call it is it takes nerve you know so I
have the nerve you know and we’ll see if
I have the goods but I have the nerve
and I I’m just excited really about
always changing about crossing me back
and forth across the river and throwing
the hounds off the trail I love that
just whatever you think that just when
we think we’ve got you we know you
you’re off on the other route absolutely
and if I feel like I’ve been figured out
boy look out I will become something
completely different you know maybe I
might might not want to become something
completely different but express
something completely different I always
felt like if the world is going crazy
I’ll be calm and if and if they’re calm
I’ll be the one hanging really
another moment where you know I had to
kind of deal with well you’re not
allowed to do that
you know you’ve presented yourself one
way and you know it’s it’s a tough thing
to convince people that there’s
something more or that they might want
to see something different but I’ve
always believed all the way along I
believed that that it was about a spark
right it was about who you are as a
person it’s about your soul it’s about
not necessary I mean you do what you do
so well but there is something about you
that that is attractive to people in a
way that they want to sit and watch you
for an hour and and listen to you and
listen to your insights but it’s about
you and who you are what is it worth
what is it worth it that’s that’s what
I’ve come to so many times in my career
in my life is that I’ve I’ve said the
safe road is is is gonna pay off there
are there are many payoffs to it but I
can’t be there and and and have my soul
be on a completely different track I
just it’s always worth losing missing me
it’s always worth risking and if if if
this other side of me is not a popular
one in
in the scheme of things as far as movie
tickets go then you know what I’ll find
a way to sneak it in there out out out
I’ll make a plan I will I will show
myself you know I will find a way and
even if even if I’m not as popular I
will live in that area I will expand
myself you know I have I started out
with many many desires as far as as far
as this business goes and I’ve so
surpassed all of them that I that it’s
uh it’s not as meaningful to me anymore
I really love the work itself I’ve
examined myself on several occasions why
am I really doing this am I doing this
because I want to be famous I think
there was an element to that when I
started out I wanted to be a Rainmaker
and we should talk about battling it
further because what does that mean that
means I think I wasn’t necessarily seen
as much or as intently as I wanted to be
when I was a kid I had I had a job at
least in my own mind and that was to
make my mother feel better she was kind
of a very ill in many ways and so it was
to make her feel better and I think
ultimately I imitated my father he was a
very funny guy but also I some need and
maybe I don’t know whether they created
it or I created it but I felt a need to
make them feel that their life was
worthwhile that they did something
special just by the very fact that they
brought me into the world so from a very
young age I wanted to convince them that
I was a miracle and then I wanted to
convince the world that I was a miracle
and and now I want to convince the world
that I’m just like them so you went from
commission first your miracle and then
you are just like them yes and how does
that play out today in terms of
convincing the world you are just like
them that you are well what I’m finding
is is an interesting thing because I
have a lot of people asking me why are
you are you afraid that people won’t
accept you
and I know that in my life and at least
in my you know the circle people I know
and know my friends that know my work it
seems like an even people I talk to like
you it seems like people are almost
waiting for it that they suspected that
there’s another level to me in there and
they’re kind of intrigued and interested
in what that might be it’s it’s it’s
that and it’s an addiction obviously I
mean I’d love an addiction to isn’t
knowing yourself yeah an addiction to
trying to figure out and maybe this is
an impossible task but you know
everybody’s looking for bliss you know
in some way or another and I think I’ve
come to the realization lately that that
that bliss comes in waves and there and
everybody but he gets a certain amount
of it but but in between it’s just hard
working in this body and that it is the
unwise person to expect bliss will be
there all to loot Lee
absolutely but you look for it you look
for and you wonder why you’re off the
beam all the time whatever so I’m
constantly examining myself I probably
do it too much
I’ve always over thought everything and
then you’re reading them or soon and you
read yeah
yeah right which is the big the big the
big thing for me you know in life right
now is the the excerpt from compensation
yes a he did on compensation where it
talks about that man would I recognize I
would see the mermaids head but not the
dragon’s tail and these are this is
something that happens over and over and
over in my life in relationships and in
in choices that I make professionally
you know a lot of times you just don’t
want to believe in the bad but the bad
is there you know the negativity is
there or the the the obvious drawback to
the situation is there but you just go I
want
and and that’s that comes down to thy
will be done and everything biblical
it’s you know it’s so I’m always
struggling with these concepts it’s to
my desire is my only problem in this
world your desire yes it to do your
appetite my appetite yeah absolutely
yeah to prove everything and to be
everything but you it’s our intention
our intention is everything nothing
happens on this planet without it not
one single thing has ever been
accomplished without intention so I
started thinking about my life and I
started thinking about this conference
and what we’re about and and I looked
back and I thought well I was two people
my whole life I was in the living room
entertaining people being a monkey you
know doing my thing for the company and
and trying to relieve my mother who was
suffered she had arthritis and Vitus and
everything everything under the Sun that
was nagging at her and she was depressed
and I wanted her to be free and I wanted
her to realize that her life was worth
something because she gave birth to
and then I would go into my room and I
with the legal pad I was a little kid
and I would sit there but I would try to
figure out what it meant what it was all
about why are we here what is this and
one day I read something from Buddha
that said that all spirituality is about
relieving suffering and I suddenly
realized that’s what I’m doing in the
other room
and and I’m aligned
you know this my purpose is aligned with
this so I felt incredibly lucky I lose
sight of that all the time I get caught
up in different concerns and ego
concerns
but I’m so lucky to be a part of this
community and to to do something that is
a value
and really cherish that and we are all
one thing it really is true can I speak
to the person in the last row in the
very last seat against the wall is that
is there someone back there that can say
hello what’s your name
Andrea are you aware that do you have
the distinct palpable feeling that your
intention created this evening as well
as Melissa’s do you understand that that
all of this this entire event is
[Applause]
[Music]
we’ll just try to feel it for a second
some people go to the Super Bowl I am
the Super Bowl man I swear my friends
are all going to see that play that was
great I’m like yeah but the energy
coming out of me right now man is
unbelievable
I’m just sitting there I’m the stadium
on the vendors outside I’m the crack
dealer on the corner I’m everything man
there’s no end to it and it’s so much
fun it’s so much fun so I hope you can
feel that and I hope you understand that
you are one of the creators of this
evening that your intentions and your
desires created this evening as well and
then I hope you are able to ask yourself
why did I get such a crappy seat and be
I mean you’re in the last row in the
that’s gotta be it’s a really selfless
thing to do so understand based on some
things that I read about you you know
that in the end it’s really a lot about
self-respect yes it is because you know
yourself yeah and it is well yeah and
self-respect is certainly one of the
major problems in the world self-esteem
is is the reason for most ills and you
know desiring what we don’t have I mean
Holden is me or I am Peter Ashe Hilton
yes how did you mean that well in in the
respect that he has this yearning this
yearning that that is more important to
him
again false gods right when you put
something so in the forefront of your
life some desire in the forefront of
your life that everything else starts to
suffer
I understand that I understand that
because I’ve gone that way and then had
to pull myself back or whatever but it’s
the yearning that that that is can be
something very positive it can create
wonderful things but when it when it
makes you negate your life and the
people in your life it becomes or you
know again like when it makes you bear
false witness you know and sell somebody
out it’s it’s just not worth having you
know that that yearning is the tough
part
the yearning to kind of have that but
not make it completely consume you and
that would be the selling out of his
friend out of his friends we’re not
guilty of anything and he wouldn’t even
know he’s living in a place of fear of
loss right you know and that’s always a
dangerous character the guy who’s afraid
of loss is a dangerous guy because he’s
the guy in Hollywood the stabs you in
the back or you know turns on somebody
or whatever the you know trying to
protect it’s you know story if you know
a man’s fear then you can conquer him
some say truly I mean that’s what the
blacklist era was about so somebody you
know McCarthy sat back and said my gosh
what a what a wonderful fear to take
advantage of and and to bring myself to
you know what I believe in the universe
I believe in the horn of plenty I
believe in the cornucopia you know so
I’m not afraid of Tom Cruise and what
his movies do and I can enjoy it and I
can enjoy Russell Crowe and because
there is so much in the universe we all
you know can feed from it and we all we
all you know enough for everybody is
that where you are in your head at this
yes after season they’ve got a Russell
Crowe as a movie out no cruise as a
movie yet you’re saying there’s enough
I’m perfectly happy with what absolutely
Jim has been given so much I mean I
would be a green boar at the trough of
life you know if I if I questioned if
you wanted at all oh my gosh I mean you
know I I sit down with the friends of
mine who are in the perfect in the
acting profession and and they say you
know these are really good actors and
they say man no one’s really getting the
chance to do what you’re getting to do
you know I mean this is a it’s quite an
arc what’s going on that time and time
again I feel so lucky to have it
but you had to bring something otherwise
they would not continue to give you the
chance and you obviously recognize that
you have to allow yourself to be seen
that’s at risk the risk is especially
for somebody who’s comedic yeah who has
that that weapon and its disposal just
to go off in the rift yeah yeah to risk
being seen is the toughest thing in the
world we’re all very shy people you know
people who do comedy we’re shy and the
emotion is right there on the surface if
you prick me with a pin I would fly
around the room you know so that’s the
risk is that you are showing them
yourself you’re your true authentic self
and the chances of being rejected are
much more important you know much more
my father could have been a great
comedian but he didn’t believe that that
was possible for him and so he made a
conservative choice instead he got a
safe job as an accountant and when I was
12 years old he was let go from that
safe job and our family had to do
whatever we could to survive I learned
many great lessons from my father not
the least of which was that you can fail
and when you don’t want so you might as
well take a chance on doing what you
love that piece that we’re after lies
somewhere beyond personality
whereas I can tell it’s just about
letting the universe know what you want
and working toward it while letting go
of how it comes to pass when I say life
doesn’t happen to you it happens for you
really don’t know that’s proof
I’m just making a conscious choice to
perceive challenges as something
beneficial so that I can deal with them
in the most productive way you’ll come
up with your own style that’s part of
the fun
like many of you I was concerned about
going out into the world and doing
something bigger than myself until
someone smarter than myself made me
realize that there is nothing bigger
than myself you are ready and able to do
beautiful things in this world and after
you walk through those doors today
we’ll only ever have two choices love
choose love and don’t ever let fear turn
you can spend your whole life imagining
ghosts worrying about the pathway to the
future but all there will ever be is
what’s happening
in the decisions we making this morning
which are based in either love
so many of us choose our path out of
we really want seem to possibly out of
reach and ridiculous to expect so we
never dare to ask the universe for I’m
saying I’m the proof that you can ask
I can tell you from experience the
effect you have on others is the most
valuable currency they’re immunes
yeah I would visualize yeah this is your
life well good for right having
directors interested in me and people
that I respected saying you know I like
your work or whatever that is and and I
would visualize things coming to me that
I wanted or whatever this was in like
nineteen eighty seven eighty five yeah
and I had nothing at that time so it was
like it but it just made me feel better
it made me at that time all it really
was for me was kind of making me feel
better I would drive home and think well
I do have these things and they’re out
there I just don’t have a hold of them
yet but they’re out there I wrote myself
a check for ten million dollars for
acting services rendered and I gave
myself five years there were three years
maybe and and I dated at Thanksgiving
1995 and I put it in my wallet and I
kept it there and it deteriorated and
deteriorated and stuff and and but then
just before Thanksgiving 1995 I found
out that I was gonna make ten million
dollars on think of it it’s all a risk
but ya know going on stage would be
wonderful I I I used to you know I did
some 15 years in the comedy clubs before
I really started acting 101 in standup
it’s just a THD of some kind well it’s a
PhD of being able to relate to an
audience for sheer cliff ya know and
then having drunks
this isn’t thing it’s like God you
better own it you know whatever it is
you better own it I know you know I
didn’t have this need for stuff I’m
always like afraid almost no I like say
prayers you know make sure you know that
I still have something to do here
because well I really believe in the
idea that if you don’t have something to
do here you call well it is no first you
said something about your parents that
is fascinated me at a certain point they
were just waiting for the end yeah yeah
and absolutely lovely people right but
kind of lost heart you know my father
lost his job and that her attrition of
life had taken its toll
yes absolutely and I think at a certain
point they weren’t enjoying they weren’t
they were just kind of waiting on
and I saw that early on and I said no
kid
I can’t have that I have to break that
cycle you know so I’m fascinated with
that myself and I’m kind of weary of it
myself
about my motivations about
allegiances about what I’m expressing in
the world you know just my day-to-day
you know contact with people the idea
that you know people come up to me and
say I love you you know I I I try extra
hard to give them energy you know to
make it something that isn’t about me
it’s about them and this moment whatever
it is yeah you know I’m constantly you
know trying to figure out where I’m at
and whether I’m whether I’m corrupting
myself or or not or I probably just you
know really too much about this but it
weighs heavy on me alone I believe in
manifestation I believe in you know
putting a rocket of desire out into the
universe and and you get it when you
believe it you get it when you believe
you have it and that’s the key is like
people still they sit around going
when’s it gonna come when they’re gonna
come when’s it gonna come when’s it
gonna come and that’s the wrong way
you’re you’re facing the wrong way
you’re facing away from it you have to
I used to open my arms I used to sit up
there you know and open my arms and
imagine a giant funnel of gifts would
come right into the universe to God I
you could you know cut to me there I’m
like like this and and if nothing else
it made me feel more positive about
where I was I I drove down from a
Holland Drive every every night you know
that I went up there feeling that I was
one of the biggest detectors in
Hollywood I was doing wonderful work
that made people happy I was you know I
owned all that that was it I guess you
know what I own when you think about it
is is my faith that’s what I hope that’s
about it
because I started thinking materially
and you know those your faith in
yourself or you have faith in some a
thin the universe faith in myself yeah
that’s it that is at the end what you
want that’s the sense so that’s all I
have that you could that’s exactly right
mr. Palmer stuff away and right and if
you have that that sense of age that’s
huge and it’s the biggest is what the
huge you know for the most I’ve seen
mountains move in my life so I’ve had
just endless gifts and they’ve all been
things that I have at some point sat in
and made myself believe were possible
and you did with the check four years
earlier you did yes right I wrote myself
a check when I saw phantom Oh hall and
dry I wrote myself a post-dated check
Thanksgiving 1995 for the sum of ten
million dollars and again it wasn’t
about the money it was about where you
are if you’re gonna see anybody right
what you’re doing because I’ve examined
that all the way along you know when all
this twenty million dollar man business
was happening you know I’ve examined
what my motivations are and the fact is
I’m addicted to expressing myself in in
certain ways and and I have to do it and
I would do it if I was making twenty
cents so it’s really about that
especially now I have enough money to
I’m fascinated by what creates
characters you know what what what
defines people what what creates them
what puts them together everybody’s
Frankenstein and they just like as life
goes on you either you either lose
pieces of yourself gain other pieces and
just that’s the fascinating thing about
acting it’s like somebody like Andy
Kaufman what is it and I stood by his
gravesite you know with his sister and
and and she said one thing to me that
cleared it all up and that was that Andy
was never part of the club so he created
his own club that no one else could be a
part of because I was fully compared to
just play out you know stand-up comedy
and comedy clubs yeah but there’s
somebody within you that constantly
pushed the edges of the envelope
wherever you were well or at least took
advantage of the opportunities that came
around and a lot of it has to do with
you know just the courage to jump in I
mean you know to do films that are out
of your so-called power Ally as they
call it is it takes nerve you know so I
have the nerve you know and we’ll see if
I have the goods but I have the nerve
and I I’m just excited really about
always changing about crossing me back
and forth across the river and throwing
the hounds off the trail I love that
just whatever you think that just when
we think we’ve got you we know you
you’re off on the other route absolutely
and if I feel like I’ve been figured out
boy look out I will become something
completely different you know maybe I
might might not want to become something
completely different but express
something completely different I always
felt like if the world is going crazy
I’ll be calm and if and if they’re calm
I’ll be the one hanging really
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