the only relationship that you can ever
have is a reflection of the one you’re
having with yourself if you keep hearing
the same thing from different people at
different times about you you need to
unpack that package stay present in your
relationship
what’s that believe nation it’s Evan my
one word is believe and I believe in you
I believe you have an amazing gift
inside you that I want to see exploded
out of the world now I started the
mentor me series to try to hang around
people who’ve done a lot more than us
and by spending a little more time with
them hopefully some of their thoughts
their process their mindset seeps into
us to help us become the best version of
ourselves so today we’re going to learn
from one of the best and Jelena insane
and some of her best relationship advice
mentor me Iyanla
[Music]
you
so let’s kick things off with real
number one it starts with you it’s
amazing to me how much time people spend
worrying about lamenting about their
relationship with somebody else
they spend absolutely no time developing
a relationship with themselves so very
often people want to be with somebody
because they don’t want to be by
themselves well here’s a question if you
don’t want to be with you why does
anybody else want to be with you what do
you look like from the inside out do you
have a clear mind do you have a sweet
spirit do you have an open heart have
you abandoned you have you abandoned
your dreams have you abandoned your
gifts when was the last time you had an
intimate conversation with you when was
the last time you took you out for a
good evening when was the last time you
enjoyed being home in your PJs with you
doing something fun oh we live in a
world where we expect something or
someone outside of ourselves to make us
happy
remember the only relationship that you
can ever have is a reflection of the one
you’re having with yourself so if you
want somebody really good and wonderful
in your life start with you build that
relationship and let’s see what happens
we’ll ever to make sure you’re in a
healthy relationship the other day one
of my friends asked me just what is a
healthy relationship you don’t have to
scratch my head for a minute because I
realized that there are many many people
who have no clue what it is what it
means what it takes to have a healthy
relationship a healthy relationship is
one you want to be it
not one that you are in or have been in
so long you don’t know how to leave or
one that you used to being in or one
that you’re in out of habit or
obligation or a sense of responsibility
a healthy relationship is one that you
want to be in because it is good for you
and the other people involved which
brings us to the second element a
healthy relationship is one in which you
feel affirmed supported and encouraged
to be the best person you can be in fact
a healthy relationship makes you want to
be a better person this means that you
can be your authentic self your real
self at all times with the person you’re
in relationship with you have your
strengths that are recognized and your
weaknesses and shortcomings that are
accepted not criticized but that you’re
also supported in working out and
working through you have your individual
talents and interests that are supported
and your voice your view your needs are
considered and the things that you do
together in a healthy relationship you
get to be you as you change and shift
and grow without being expected to be
who the other person or people need and
want you to be in order to keep them
comfortable
I think another sign of a healthy
relationship is that there’s trust
honesty respect compassion forgiveness
compromise and a shared vision shared
interests and a willingness to practice
all of those principles and live up to
them to the best of your ability I hope
the relationship is also the one that
you’re prepared to work for and work on
yes a healthy relationship requires a
lot of work however when you want to be
in the relationship when your passion
about the relationship and its health it
won’t seem like work at all a
relationship is a living thing it needs
to be nurtured and nourished and if you
want to keep the relationship healthy
you can’t just sit back and wait for the
good times to roll in you need to
initiate it this means you have to look
for ways to create happy memories all of
the time even if it means doing
something silly that you both enjoy rule
number three practice good relationship
care remember that a relationship is a
living thing it moves and breathes and
heart of the people involved so when
people neglect the life of the
relationship those with whom you are
having a relationship the thing is gonna
die it’s gonna die unnatural death so it
is absolutely essential that you develop
and practice good relationship care good
relationship care things like kindness
and compassion appreciation and the
consistent demonstration of you matter
to me you matter to me now this will be
different for everyone it will be
different for different types of
relationship some people don’t care if
you ever buy them a birthday presents
others will die if you don’t
some people can survive a week or a
monthly call always want to hear from
you every day so depending
on the nature of the relationship some
people will need to hear I love you and
thank you and you look really nice
others could give less than only but it
is up to you to pay enough attention to
what’s going on in the relationship so
that you can do and demonstrate what’s
required to nurture it to nourish it and
to feed it then collecting the people
you care about and those who care about
you that is not gonna turn out well for
you I don’t care what kind of
relationship you in when you stop
showing that you care when you allow
little slights and hurts to head up when
you stop demonstrating respect and care
and concern for one another you are
neglecting the relationship when you
stop connecting when you stop having fun
when you stop demonstrating appreciation
these are all forms of neglect and you
know how you can tell when the other
person or the people in the relationship
are feeling neglected they don’t start
complaining they are gonna start
complaining and you see the only reason
we complain about anything is because we
either know or want things to be
different we want things to be better we
want something that we’re not asking for
or don’t know how to ask for rule number
four communicate let’s look at some of
the ways that activate what’s required
for a healthy relationship let’s start
here communicate communicate communicate
talk about who you are cuz you’re
changing day by day moment by moment
talk about how you are changing talk
about what you want and what you need
talk about your strengths your
weaknesses your fears talk about what
you see and what you know and always
always be as honest as
and as much as you talk listen listen
with your ears
listen with your heart listen with your
soul and always be willing to hear
something new about the other person and
never ever ever use what you hear as a
weapon or tool for dishonorable
intentions stay present in your
relationship if you want your
relationship to be healthy and stay
healthy then you have to be in it
mentally emotionally physically and
spiritually be mindful not to allow
outside responsibilities demands and
interests to take your mind and heart
and your soul out of the heart of the
relationship if your time and energy and
attention is being drawn away
communicate that communicate what you’re
up to so that the other person knows and
is aware even if they don’t like it or
don’t understand at least they will know
that you’re still present and rule
number five the last one before a very
special bonus clip 1:9 Garmin you know
when something happens with a partner or
a friend and even a co-worker or or a
supervisor and you’re bringing up all
the other times that you’ve experienced
that in the past
that’s baggage when you start your
statements about why you do something a
certain way or what you’re not gonna do
because of a certain experience that’s
baggage and these are just common
everyday things this isn’t even the hard
stuff so I want to give you some
unpacking skills for just the common
everyday normal baggage that we walk
around with these human beings if one
person tells you you’re a horse you
don’t have to believe that if two people
tell you your horse you you may want to
listen but by the time three people tell
you that your horse you need to check
yourself because I bet you got hay
hanging out your mouth and your tail is
wagging in other words if you keep
hearing the same thing from different
people at different times about you you
need to unpack that package and don’t
hear it as criticism or make people
wrong a bad ask them what they mean I
remember when my my grandson told me
that I was mean and I had heard that but
I never paid any attention to it because
more I me on the van said it can’t be me
but when I sat and I listened to him and
I realized wait a minute he’s not the
only one saying that to me I had to hear
it and I had to unpack it so when you
hear one or two or three unrelated
people telling you the same thing
don’t dismiss them ask them tell me more
about that because there may be some
baggage that I have to unpack
now I’ve got a very special omelet clip
around giving that I think you’re really
going to enjoy but before that I want
you to make the commitment of the day
you watch this entire video don’t just
watch the other video without taking
action what are you going to commit to
changing in your life or in your
relationship leave it down the comments
below make it public let us hold you
accountable I want to see what you are
committed to changing leave it down
below thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your what word is much love
I’ll see you soon and enjoy the bonus
Glen
so let’s just take a moment and talk
about relationship mass murder
it’s called reward and Punishment what I
mean is reward and Punishment you know
if you do this I’ll do that or I’m not
gonna do this because you didn’t do that
or when you do this I’m gonna do that
whatever form it takes reward and
Punishment will kill our relationship
it’s a covert form of manipulation and
control it’s a good granted way to get
what you want without asking for it it’s
also a way to try and force people to
prove that they care about you when you
love or care about someone you must give
of your heart and yourself without
expectation of reward or recognition
sure you don’t want to always be the one
doing and the one giving but you can’t
give expecting something in return
unless you ask for it give because it
makes you feel good not because you need
one or expect anything and when it feels
like you are giving giving giving giving
and getting nothing in return when you
feel neglected or unappreciated or
overlooked or dishonest then you might
want to do a relationship assessment you
might want to consider or reconsider why
you’re in that relationship we’ve
already talked about that why why are
you there you know as human beings we
are messy and sometimes crazy and very
forgetful and yes we can and often do
take each other for granted and however
since we train people how to treat us
and we give them
and an invitation to do so only we can
say when enough sense enough reward and
Punishment is not only a relationship
killer it won’t burn up your sense of
value and worth because the other person
may have no idea that you are expecting
something in return for what you’re
giving and if you are giving and not
getting what you need want to desire
either you haven’t asked for it or
you’re in wrong relationship you are
covering up a need and will try to
control and manipulate the most
important work ever if you had to think
of one word that’s most important to you
or that sums you Apple that would be
like a little beacon hey believe nation
if you want to know what the most
important one word is for Tony Robbins
Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah Winfrey will.i.am
and Howard Schultz I have a very special
secret video for you check the
description for details
[Music]
have is a reflection of the one you’re
having with yourself if you keep hearing
the same thing from different people at
different times about you you need to
unpack that package stay present in your
relationship
what’s that believe nation it’s Evan my
one word is believe and I believe in you
I believe you have an amazing gift
inside you that I want to see exploded
out of the world now I started the
mentor me series to try to hang around
people who’ve done a lot more than us
and by spending a little more time with
them hopefully some of their thoughts
their process their mindset seeps into
us to help us become the best version of
ourselves so today we’re going to learn
from one of the best and Jelena insane
and some of her best relationship advice
mentor me Iyanla
[Music]
you
so let’s kick things off with real
number one it starts with you it’s
amazing to me how much time people spend
worrying about lamenting about their
relationship with somebody else
they spend absolutely no time developing
a relationship with themselves so very
often people want to be with somebody
because they don’t want to be by
themselves well here’s a question if you
don’t want to be with you why does
anybody else want to be with you what do
you look like from the inside out do you
have a clear mind do you have a sweet
spirit do you have an open heart have
you abandoned you have you abandoned
your dreams have you abandoned your
gifts when was the last time you had an
intimate conversation with you when was
the last time you took you out for a
good evening when was the last time you
enjoyed being home in your PJs with you
doing something fun oh we live in a
world where we expect something or
someone outside of ourselves to make us
happy
remember the only relationship that you
can ever have is a reflection of the one
you’re having with yourself so if you
want somebody really good and wonderful
in your life start with you build that
relationship and let’s see what happens
we’ll ever to make sure you’re in a
healthy relationship the other day one
of my friends asked me just what is a
healthy relationship you don’t have to
scratch my head for a minute because I
realized that there are many many people
who have no clue what it is what it
means what it takes to have a healthy
relationship a healthy relationship is
one you want to be it
not one that you are in or have been in
so long you don’t know how to leave or
one that you used to being in or one
that you’re in out of habit or
obligation or a sense of responsibility
a healthy relationship is one that you
want to be in because it is good for you
and the other people involved which
brings us to the second element a
healthy relationship is one in which you
feel affirmed supported and encouraged
to be the best person you can be in fact
a healthy relationship makes you want to
be a better person this means that you
can be your authentic self your real
self at all times with the person you’re
in relationship with you have your
strengths that are recognized and your
weaknesses and shortcomings that are
accepted not criticized but that you’re
also supported in working out and
working through you have your individual
talents and interests that are supported
and your voice your view your needs are
considered and the things that you do
together in a healthy relationship you
get to be you as you change and shift
and grow without being expected to be
who the other person or people need and
want you to be in order to keep them
comfortable
I think another sign of a healthy
relationship is that there’s trust
honesty respect compassion forgiveness
compromise and a shared vision shared
interests and a willingness to practice
all of those principles and live up to
them to the best of your ability I hope
the relationship is also the one that
you’re prepared to work for and work on
yes a healthy relationship requires a
lot of work however when you want to be
in the relationship when your passion
about the relationship and its health it
won’t seem like work at all a
relationship is a living thing it needs
to be nurtured and nourished and if you
want to keep the relationship healthy
you can’t just sit back and wait for the
good times to roll in you need to
initiate it this means you have to look
for ways to create happy memories all of
the time even if it means doing
something silly that you both enjoy rule
number three practice good relationship
care remember that a relationship is a
living thing it moves and breathes and
heart of the people involved so when
people neglect the life of the
relationship those with whom you are
having a relationship the thing is gonna
die it’s gonna die unnatural death so it
is absolutely essential that you develop
and practice good relationship care good
relationship care things like kindness
and compassion appreciation and the
consistent demonstration of you matter
to me you matter to me now this will be
different for everyone it will be
different for different types of
relationship some people don’t care if
you ever buy them a birthday presents
others will die if you don’t
some people can survive a week or a
monthly call always want to hear from
you every day so depending
on the nature of the relationship some
people will need to hear I love you and
thank you and you look really nice
others could give less than only but it
is up to you to pay enough attention to
what’s going on in the relationship so
that you can do and demonstrate what’s
required to nurture it to nourish it and
to feed it then collecting the people
you care about and those who care about
you that is not gonna turn out well for
you I don’t care what kind of
relationship you in when you stop
showing that you care when you allow
little slights and hurts to head up when
you stop demonstrating respect and care
and concern for one another you are
neglecting the relationship when you
stop connecting when you stop having fun
when you stop demonstrating appreciation
these are all forms of neglect and you
know how you can tell when the other
person or the people in the relationship
are feeling neglected they don’t start
complaining they are gonna start
complaining and you see the only reason
we complain about anything is because we
either know or want things to be
different we want things to be better we
want something that we’re not asking for
or don’t know how to ask for rule number
four communicate let’s look at some of
the ways that activate what’s required
for a healthy relationship let’s start
here communicate communicate communicate
talk about who you are cuz you’re
changing day by day moment by moment
talk about how you are changing talk
about what you want and what you need
talk about your strengths your
weaknesses your fears talk about what
you see and what you know and always
always be as honest as
and as much as you talk listen listen
with your ears
listen with your heart listen with your
soul and always be willing to hear
something new about the other person and
never ever ever use what you hear as a
weapon or tool for dishonorable
intentions stay present in your
relationship if you want your
relationship to be healthy and stay
healthy then you have to be in it
mentally emotionally physically and
spiritually be mindful not to allow
outside responsibilities demands and
interests to take your mind and heart
and your soul out of the heart of the
relationship if your time and energy and
attention is being drawn away
communicate that communicate what you’re
up to so that the other person knows and
is aware even if they don’t like it or
don’t understand at least they will know
that you’re still present and rule
number five the last one before a very
special bonus clip 1:9 Garmin you know
when something happens with a partner or
a friend and even a co-worker or or a
supervisor and you’re bringing up all
the other times that you’ve experienced
that in the past
that’s baggage when you start your
statements about why you do something a
certain way or what you’re not gonna do
because of a certain experience that’s
baggage and these are just common
everyday things this isn’t even the hard
stuff so I want to give you some
unpacking skills for just the common
everyday normal baggage that we walk
around with these human beings if one
person tells you you’re a horse you
don’t have to believe that if two people
tell you your horse you you may want to
listen but by the time three people tell
you that your horse you need to check
yourself because I bet you got hay
hanging out your mouth and your tail is
wagging in other words if you keep
hearing the same thing from different
people at different times about you you
need to unpack that package and don’t
hear it as criticism or make people
wrong a bad ask them what they mean I
remember when my my grandson told me
that I was mean and I had heard that but
I never paid any attention to it because
more I me on the van said it can’t be me
but when I sat and I listened to him and
I realized wait a minute he’s not the
only one saying that to me I had to hear
it and I had to unpack it so when you
hear one or two or three unrelated
people telling you the same thing
don’t dismiss them ask them tell me more
about that because there may be some
baggage that I have to unpack
now I’ve got a very special omelet clip
around giving that I think you’re really
going to enjoy but before that I want
you to make the commitment of the day
you watch this entire video don’t just
watch the other video without taking
action what are you going to commit to
changing in your life or in your
relationship leave it down the comments
below make it public let us hold you
accountable I want to see what you are
committed to changing leave it down
below thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your what word is much love
I’ll see you soon and enjoy the bonus
Glen
so let’s just take a moment and talk
about relationship mass murder
it’s called reward and Punishment what I
mean is reward and Punishment you know
if you do this I’ll do that or I’m not
gonna do this because you didn’t do that
or when you do this I’m gonna do that
whatever form it takes reward and
Punishment will kill our relationship
it’s a covert form of manipulation and
control it’s a good granted way to get
what you want without asking for it it’s
also a way to try and force people to
prove that they care about you when you
love or care about someone you must give
of your heart and yourself without
expectation of reward or recognition
sure you don’t want to always be the one
doing and the one giving but you can’t
give expecting something in return
unless you ask for it give because it
makes you feel good not because you need
one or expect anything and when it feels
like you are giving giving giving giving
and getting nothing in return when you
feel neglected or unappreciated or
overlooked or dishonest then you might
want to do a relationship assessment you
might want to consider or reconsider why
you’re in that relationship we’ve
already talked about that why why are
you there you know as human beings we
are messy and sometimes crazy and very
forgetful and yes we can and often do
take each other for granted and however
since we train people how to treat us
and we give them
and an invitation to do so only we can
say when enough sense enough reward and
Punishment is not only a relationship
killer it won’t burn up your sense of
value and worth because the other person
may have no idea that you are expecting
something in return for what you’re
giving and if you are giving and not
getting what you need want to desire
either you haven’t asked for it or
you’re in wrong relationship you are
covering up a need and will try to
control and manipulate the most
important work ever if you had to think
of one word that’s most important to you
or that sums you Apple that would be
like a little beacon hey believe nation
if you want to know what the most
important one word is for Tony Robbins
Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah Winfrey will.i.am
and Howard Schultz I have a very special
secret video for you check the
description for details
[Music]
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