what we often think is that once we
commit your mind and the long series of
songs and poetry’s and proverbs that
have fed a kind of romantic
possessiveness have often led us astray
the verb for love is to have the verb
for desire is to want and to want
requires us sometimes to have a little
bit of a psychological distance a sense
of otherness a bridge to cross something
or someone to visit on the other side so
that in between me and you lies this
tension called the erotic alone and I
began to think about this dialectic
distinction between closeness and space
in terms of love and desire and the
question that I would ask is I am most
drawn to my partner when not sexually
attracted only just most drawn to
the first one you’re gonna hear is that
I’m most drawn to my partner when he or
she radiates radiates that’s probably
the best word it’s another word for
confidence but it’s confidence with
elimination because I am looking at this
person who is already generally so
familiar and is momentarily once again
somewhat unknown somewhat mysterious
somewhat elusive and in this space
between me and her lies this erotic Ella
it’s a space in which what is generally
so known becomes momentarily once again
somewhat unknown so that I can explore
and first and foremost be curious the
essential experience that comes with
desire is curiosity
the second one is when we’ve been apart
what happens is that we get to connect
with the other dimension of desire which
is that it is also rooted in longing and
in absence
there is something about not having that
allows us to want more not just because
we want what we can’t have but because
when we don’t have it right in front of
us it allows us to engage our
imagination about not only what it is
but what it means to us or what this
person means to us represents for us and
who we are in their presence when I’m
surprised because I can be surprised
because I am drawn to my partner cut
season is vulnerable and it’s not
typically what I see or I’m surprised
because I see you do something that you
don’t usually do or I’m surprised
because you come to me with a different
tone that you usually do but surprise
breeds novelty change difference
that too is a ferment of the desire and
when I see my partner in the eyes of the
others when other people are taken by
his or her intelligence their words
their charm their weight their humor
their looks basically when I experience
in the moment that my partner doesn’t
just exist in my own gaze but also
exists in the gaze of others and they
don’t belong to me I don’t own them can
we want what we already have is best
answered if we accept that we never have
the person who is next to us they have
never belonged to us they are to be free
to go of course we can control them we
can lock them up we can create a system
of surveillance but that’s not intimacy
or closeness [Music]
commit your mind and the long series of
songs and poetry’s and proverbs that
have fed a kind of romantic
possessiveness have often led us astray
the verb for love is to have the verb
for desire is to want and to want
requires us sometimes to have a little
bit of a psychological distance a sense
of otherness a bridge to cross something
or someone to visit on the other side so
that in between me and you lies this
tension called the erotic alone and I
began to think about this dialectic
distinction between closeness and space
in terms of love and desire and the
question that I would ask is I am most
drawn to my partner when not sexually
attracted only just most drawn to
the first one you’re gonna hear is that
I’m most drawn to my partner when he or
she radiates radiates that’s probably
the best word it’s another word for
confidence but it’s confidence with
elimination because I am looking at this
person who is already generally so
familiar and is momentarily once again
somewhat unknown somewhat mysterious
somewhat elusive and in this space
between me and her lies this erotic Ella
it’s a space in which what is generally
so known becomes momentarily once again
somewhat unknown so that I can explore
and first and foremost be curious the
essential experience that comes with
desire is curiosity
the second one is when we’ve been apart
what happens is that we get to connect
with the other dimension of desire which
is that it is also rooted in longing and
in absence
there is something about not having that
allows us to want more not just because
we want what we can’t have but because
when we don’t have it right in front of
us it allows us to engage our
imagination about not only what it is
but what it means to us or what this
person means to us represents for us and
who we are in their presence when I’m
surprised because I can be surprised
because I am drawn to my partner cut
season is vulnerable and it’s not
typically what I see or I’m surprised
because I see you do something that you
don’t usually do or I’m surprised
because you come to me with a different
tone that you usually do but surprise
breeds novelty change difference
that too is a ferment of the desire and
when I see my partner in the eyes of the
others when other people are taken by
his or her intelligence their words
their charm their weight their humor
their looks basically when I experience
in the moment that my partner doesn’t
just exist in my own gaze but also
exists in the gaze of others and they
don’t belong to me I don’t own them can
we want what we already have is best
answered if we accept that we never have
the person who is next to us they have
never belonged to us they are to be free
to go of course we can control them we
can lock them up we can create a system
of surveillance but that’s not intimacy
or closeness [Music]
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