Press "Enter" to skip to content

“I Can Do EVERYTHING, I Can OVERCOME Challenges!”

I can do anything and I can overcome
challenges I celebrate the weirdness you
put yourself in those shoes and it
really affects you I am here she is the
legendary test here to fix me what do we
got huh what what’s up for today tests
tell me what you know we’ve got a few
things there’s a few things because of
course I mean watching the other videos
the ones that you did we Steve and the
one that you did we’ve Hank which was
incredibly on fire and unrolling all of
that into what we talked about last time
so I thought a little bit then we might
spend a little bit district capping one
last time because I think we didn’t
really wrap it up with a bit of a ribbon
last time and normally I really like to
sort of summarize and these are the
themes that I got out of it so I’d love
to know what you got out of it we talked
mostly about a lot about your fear of
disappointing others and tying that into
your family motto of to zero and always
being ready always being prepared always
being professional and so those things
seem to go really hand-in-hand to me
these aren’t problems by the way these
are just themes
these are themes that emerged what
really stood out to me was that there’s
no evidence of you ever disappointing
people you know that doesn’t seem to
like there’s no proof there that you
that you’ve really let people down okay
you’re gonna disagree good we’re gonna
get to that let’s get to that in a
minute oh and we talked a little bit
about you know who the idea of playing
it small and we didn’t really dive into
what that actually means for you I think
we might have talked a little bit about
what it meant for Steve and his
interpretation of that in terms of
promoting for you what what you could be
doing but I’m curious to know a little
bit more about
what that means to you but did you do
your homework yes one was when did I let
somebody down the other one I have the
story but what was the question and did
you have a picture of it when you’re
most proud of
there we go overcoming something that
was a challenge as a child I found yeah
yeah okay so so for that one I came up
with the first the first thing that I
ever bought with my own money was a
skateboard and it’s just it ends up
being this super cheap $40.00 skateboard
but for me at the time I figure how old
I was 9 10 13 I’m probably a little
younger it was a lot and so my parents I
really wanted a skateboard and my
parents said no we’re not gonna buy it
for you so you have to go find a way to
buy it yourself and so I had saved up my
allowance and I did whatever I could to
start saving money and I figure out how
long it took but I saved up and saved up
and saved up when finally I got 40 bucks
and we and we went to this is $40 it
gets a little more expensive I’m 38 now
and we went to this we went to the store
and and I bought it I still have it so I
don’t even a picture of it I’ve got it
on my on my shelf at home I mean I’m in
Phoenix right now my torso I can’t show
you but but I’ve got it on my shelf at
home as a visual as a reminder of that
was the first thing I ever spent my own
money on that I saved up and just
overcoming as a kid how do you figure
out how to make money
and do it cuz it was the first time my
parents told me no to something that I
wanted at least I remembered yeah maybe
for Christmas or a birthday or no you
have to go figure out a way to save up
and buy and so that’s why it’s Illinois
I never became a skateboarder um I think
I only went on it like ten times or
something and it was mostly my dog
pulling me so I put my dog on a and she
would pull me his German Shepherd so I
never really wrote it but I saved it all
those years you know from nine to 38
taking it from place
got it pretty cool I mean it’s tangible
dry yeah and I don’t keep much from I’m
not a hoarder so I don’t I don’t have a
lot of that kind of stuff but I’m pumped
that I kept that I showed it to Mikey
Taylor who is one of the most successful
skateboarders in the world it’s like
Tony Hawk and then Mikey Taylor and he’s
like I’ve never heard of that company
you know I said that’s a piece of
garbage game for it wouldn’t matter what
it was so important how does that still
drive you when you see that when you
look at that you know because I talked
last time about my superhero photo I’ve
actually got it as a wallpaper on my
phone at the moment and and I look at
that Nigel strengths from that image how
does how does the skateboard how does
that how do you draw strength from that
what does that give you I don’t know
that I do to be honest all that much I
think at the time was just a reminder of
I think it’s just a cool part of my
history and story it may be does
subconsciously I don’t really look at it
on a daily basis and say man I I bought
that skateboard and I can do anything
and I can overcome challenges but I’m
just pumped that I have it as a kind of
a memento I think I’ve become that
person so I’m just I’m just resourceful
it’s been practiced and ingrained into
me over and over no it’s not important I
don’t believe that skateboard doesn’t
give you something because you of all of
the things you could’ve kept you kept
that and of all of the things that
you’ve got on display in your home it’s
that so whether or not it’s a conscious
thing and for me my photo obviously
consciously it’s a conscious thing right
yeah for you it’s necessarily a
conscious thing but it’s really
important you know it stands testament
to your ingenuity and your
entrepreneurial vigor and you know all
of that stuff it’s encapsulated your
next kind I think it’s awesome
yeah I’m super happy I kept it I don’t I
don’t consciously look at it but I’m I’m
pumped that I still have it so yeah
maybe you’ll look at it differently next
time so the second one was when did I
let somebody down the one that came to
mind was there was
so I do I do i G live coaching so I’ll
go I’ll go live in ideas yeah and
somebody will come on and ask some
questions and I never know who I’m gonna
get and who they are what kind of
problems they have and it was this one
guy in particular who wanted to write a
blog post and has been procrastinating
it off and putting it off and putting it
off and I wanted to get him to do the
blog post and and he was he was getting
closer and closer like they’re pushing
the the publish button and everybody in
the live audience is cheering him Island
yeah yeah do a come on you got this and
just getting him over his fear being
perfect I just get anything up just just
just get some momentum any kind of
momentum and then you can fix it and
update it tomorrow just put it up post
and and at the end of the day he was so
close but then he said no I can’t I
can’t I can’t
and then and then he had to go to pick
up his daughters from school and and we
recognizing I only had like 30 seconds
left with him before I’d around at the
door I I tried to bring him back up
because I didn’t want to leave him on a
low like now he’s just failed at the
thing that he wants to win at he just
failed with his mentor with a live
audience of people watching him and I in
my head is like oh my god I just
destroyed this guy I just totally let
him down and he’s worse than when he
when he first came like that could set
him back and maybe he never posts at all
because of that trauma that just
happened the disappointment of I mean I
didn’t know him but he knew me and he
looked up to me and then he just
publicly disappointed me and looked look
bad you know and let me down so I had 30
seconds – hey man don’t worry like I
love you we’ll follow up like we’ll make
it happen go enjoy your daughters she’s
trying to find any words to help him I
followed up on him because I wasn’t the
rest of my day I was I think he left a
live chat and then I was like I was just
like this on my own live stream for
three minutes or something cuz it was
like I’d never lost somebody but I
thought of it like I lost him I never
hadn’t lost somebody if I’m if I’m
pushing people on something I’m usually
pretty sure that I can get a result and
get them take them to where they need to
be not having them exit so I mean the
rest of my day was super unproductive
because all I’m thinking about is this
guy and and I keep following up with him
eventually at like 8 or 9 o’clock at
night he he messaged me back he’s like
okay I’m gonna I’m gonna post I’m gonna
do something and and he he did the post
at like 10 o’clock at night or something
but it was constant like a coaching and
following up and encouraging the entire
night to get him to feel confident up
the postive and so I guess ultimately
maybe I didn’t let him down but but it
it I did in the moment and and it it
drove me to have to find something to to
I’m thinking about today so I just did I
so I’m here in Phoenix I just did a live
session with two pretty successful
marketers pretty name-brand people I
walked in with a with a with a mission
you know like I walked in like these
guys need to get on YouTube these guys
they need to blow up their brand to have
an important message they need to get it
out there I’m gonna I’m gonna will this
into existence and and you know the
first guy he sold over billion dollars
worth of products and he says hey come
have private lunch with me upstairs and
I walk in a sit down like I he’s like
hey how are you I am pissed at you that
was a start and and you know using that
energy I guess and charisma to pull him
through that now he you know he’s
committed to it the other guy also
pushed him through and now I’m gonna go
back tonight after right after this and
go meet him for his podcast I wants to
interview me on it I feel like if I
don’t get them to do what they need to
do I’ve disappointed them and I carry
the passion and burden to be able to
make that happen
at the same time
it’s weird because once I’m out of the
room or once I feel like if I’ve done my
there’s a bunch of people who I talked
to in that room who should be blowing up
and I think it’s their responsibility to
this one guy in particular who was not
gonna do anything he’s not go he’s not
gonna do anything but I know if I hung
around him if we were hanging out he
would do something they just do it it
would happen you’re just going to I will
I will force you to do it like there’s
no option because the truth is
undeniable this there’s no argument for
not doing it except you’re scared and
that’s unacceptable so let’s go
I know that most people won’t do
anything with the information I know
like even that guy died so here’s the
thing that guy that I helped yep with
the blog post he posted like one more
post and then stopped posting so you
followed up you’ve been watching him
yeah barely
but but I I feel I’ve let myself off the
hook for that I don’t know I don’t feel
responsible how is it no longer your
responsibility because this is a thread
if anything possible for other people’s
decisions okay you’re frustrated that
they’re not doing what you want them to
do you don’t have control over their
decision-making and it frustrates the
hell out of you and you’re calling it
disappointment but you’ve let them down
I’m wondering I think they’ve let you do
what you know it will work well to them
maybe I think I put pressure on myself
to give the most that I can I care about
people more than I should given my
relationship to them and I put a lot of
pressure on myself that the time that we
spend together has to count and mean
something that I’m gonna push as hard as
I can to help you go
but I also recognize that most people
are going to fall back to where they
were and I just hope that my intensity
or an energy carries them through enough
but I recognize that for that guy you
know we don’t know this obviously we
don’t know this but for that guy that
one post breaking through and posting
that one post might be enough of a win
that now he feels empowered to do
something else which he’s actually
feeling much more passionate about we
don’t know we can’t know so there’s all
sorts of reasons why people don’t follow
up is what I’m trying to get out there
so how did you let yourself off the hook
with him like how do you no longer feel
responsible I expect people not to
follow through and I put it out of my
mind I just try to get better for next
time so here’s another example I had a
one-on-one with a guy who came to my
workshop last night in Phoenix so
one-on-one he came and he wants to be a
thought leader he wants to be an expert
he wants to share his story and have
that that spread and impact other people
and he’s gone through a ton of of trauma
and he’s he summarizes the stories that
happen so he’s a guy wasn’t military and
I got made fun of because I had you know
bad teeth and that really sucked like
well that’s not a story like you gotta
you gotta bring me into this so if I
don’t feel the thing that you’re feeling
you’re not gonna move me with your with
your with your story I’m not gonna
whatever ideas you give me afterwards
they don’t land yet because you haven’t
brought me you have to check with me
emotionally so said okay let’s work on
one together let’s work let’s work
through one together and just talk about
how he was working at a company and his
boss hated him and and one day his boss
put a noose on his desk I said what to
do he didn’t know what to do and he was
afraid and then ultimately left that job
and went somewhere else and I was trying
to pull out of him like what like how
did that make you feel and what what
would the version of you now go back to
if you could step in ten years ago or
wherever that happened how would you
want to have done it differently and
he’s super nervous and sweating am I
trying to come up with the answers and
and ultimately it was the most he had
ever shared of his story because he’s
scared and because nobody’s ever helped
him tell a story properly before and so
on the one hand I know it’s insane value
for him like that’s a starting point to
be able to do that in front of me and
cameras and and tell it ain’t at the
same time if I was better at that thing
I’d pulling it out we could have got an
even better story what I’m talking with
my team outside what did you think like
I wish he told I wish he really told the
story and and I take that as my
responsibility to have pulled it out
more from him and what I did and I’m not
gonna follow up with them probably
unless I get inspired too but I use it
as okay next time I need to get better
to fix it
pattern recognition right okay I’ve seen
this pattern so the next time I see it
again I need to do a better job of
better so I feel like I massively helped
him and also let him down and that I
could have done more but I don’t and
that’s there I’m not beating myself up
because I know I helped them I just feel
like I need to for the next time I’ll do
and so that’s how I let it go the guy
who I who I like pushed over the edge
and then he had to go pick up his kids
destroyed me so much because I wasn’t
able to bring him back up and then
inevitably through working with me I end
up there ends up being a push moment
like this if there’s a moment that’s
uncomfortable that I I’m gonna push you
through to get to where you need to go
and that’s that’s awkward and
uncomfortable and I only do that when I
feel like I can push somebody and get to
the other side and I made the wrong call
with him I wasn’t able to do it at least
in the moment so that’s why I had to
stay on him so that’s why perhaps you
felt so disappointed because you in
hindsight you know reviewing it you feel
like you made the wrong call but you
know there wasn’t enough time left or
all these things but yeah in hindsight
you should have pushed him you didn’t
push him harder and what do you think ah
I don’t know
I don’t know I don’t know I mean I’m I’m
proud of how I handled it afterwards of
staying on him even though it was the
most unproductive day of all time
because I was in my head just
about this guy and you know now he’s
bringing negative energy to pick up his
daughters and he’s not gonna be a good
parent for that evening and I led him
down that path so you have intense
empathy but you are in his shoes you
just put yourself right there and you’re
still there you’ve gone back that you
want you’re in his shoes you’re
completely seeing what his evening might
have played out like we can’t know for
certain but you put yourself in those
shoes and it really affects you and I
think that perhaps the pain of that
degree of empathy that you have is what
is that what drives you not to want to
disappoint people because it hurts too
it could be I think it’s it’s the thing
that it’s a it’s a weakness and the
greatest strength at the same time like
that’s why I can help people’s because I
can get into their head and feel the
same way that they feel and I worry
about them I worry about people more
than I should give in our relationship
yeah yeah yeah okay
so yeah I mean you and Hank we’re
talking them similar theme to this you
know the other weekend you’re Hank was
talking about you know you being like a
robot and where’s the humanity and
where’s the emotion in you and the
vulnerability you’ve already got it so
you’ve got a lot of shields up that
protect you okay
from that emotional stuff you know I
mean when we’re sitting down face to
face talking like this you’re a lot more
relaxed than when you’re standing up in
your normal sort of studio and then
maybe that makes conversation easier I
don’t know I don’t know what it’s like
when you’re sitting in a room with
cameras and lights and someone’s sitting
in a chair next to you I don’t know how
that feels different to you but
certainly you know those shields that
you have up to protect you from the
degree of empathy that’s a strategy that
you’ve learnt that’s a lifelong strategy
you know that’s a strategy that you’ve
somehow built up over the years to
protect yourself emotionally I don’t
know why I don’t know what drove that I
don’t know if you know what drove that I
don’t know if you know what started that
when you’re very sensitive kid I think
I’ve always been a little different and
weird I was fortunate to always have my
parents support and
different and weird how they mean I just
so I would I oh I see the world a little
different differently than other people
I’m a weird doc so the story that comes
to mind is I think I may have said it
last time where I had to paint the
picture of a window and then I painted a
picture of a window but then I painted
dressing on the window and in a in a
skyline outside and a son said and abode
and all this stuff and a teacher gave me
a F for the project because the
assignment was just draw a picture of a
window and everybody else should did the
square with the window frame and then on
parent-teacher night my parents went in
and said well he the problem was your
lack of clarity he’d do a window he did
the assignment so yeah I didn’t you know
that I didn’t not I didn’t pass on that
project but it made me feel like okay
it’s it’s stupid teacher you know like
I’m my parents always back me up with
that kind of stuff so stupid teacher
once you spoke to your parents but the
initial reaction to failing that project
I mean that must have felt really
confusing because of course you can see
through a window that’s what a window is
you know so I can see where your logic
was in that painting I don’t remember
maybe like maybe it’s buried and I don’t
I don’t remember receipt all I remember
is to hear a moment of my parents going
in and defending me so I guess there’s I
guess there’s something buried
underneath that you feel like they would
always were they doing that a lot
because I’m interested that that story
came up as why you’re a weird duck I
don’t know I came to mind my parents
always supported me so when I was doing
baseball cards you know I was 12 13
years old selling baseball cards every
week we’d go to this we go to our
cottage on the way was it’s a three-hour
drive and we go to this flea market
where I would sell and trade my baseball
cards with with people who were 40 50 60
years old and I’m 12 and negotiate over
25 cents and they would always encourage
me to go and buy me subscription
to the pricing magazines and all that
stuff most kids I guess weren’t doing
that like that’s that’s weird
I’d even feel at the time I guess it was
weird I don’t know I always had their
support and they always you don’t
believe my one word came from them
I’m Adventist really crying I could do
anything I want and so remembering that
in times of
chaos or uncertainty or I’m doing
something weird or different when did
you first feel weird when did you first
cuz you’re saying you’re looking back
and it was weird because other kids
weren’t doing it but where you were kids
picking on you were they making a thing
of it like where did you first feel like
you’re weird what can you remember that
I don’t remember being super bullied or
but I remember I had to go I went to I
went to a psychologist when I was grade
2 or 3 or 4 or 5 somewhere in there so
obviously there was something worrisome
to my parents that they would want to
send me to a chance I’d call I guess I
should ask them maybe why did you see me
decide child psychologist I just sat
down and and I remember looking at
pictures of ink blots and they say what
do you see here and I see a butterfly
how about here I don’t know clouds and
okay thank you and that was maybe
there’s some more we play a game and I
know you know it’s just observation
through observation they’d make a
diagnosis and it was the recommendation
that least the only one that I heard was
I need to switch schools and go to a
different school and sorry I left that
school and went to another school what
was the difference between the schools I
don’t remember
one was a Montessori I don’t really even
know what a difference is between the
Montessori in a different school the old
school as a – or a school I don’t even
know what – story is but it’s a
different kind of teaching program yeah
yeah I want to say that was like read
two or three and then in grade four I
went to the new school it’s super young
you know I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t
remember I mean I can ask the parents if
that’s like my homework for next week
why did you say me to try to child
yeah going on you’ve talked about
another thing that came through in your
conversation with Hank and there’s a
glimmer of it in our conversation as
well this idea of you know you think
you’re awesome
and you say that a lot I’m awesome
totally awesome I am too by the way and
and then you say but I suck and I suck
and I want people to show me that I suck
so this this thread between feeling
weird filling up your fish-out-of-water
feeling like you’re a bit uncommon and
knowing that there’s something wrong to
be fixed I’m using inverted commas there
and if only we could fix this thing then
maybe he’d be even more awesome or even
you know bigger and better than you are
now it’s like this little thread and
we’re trying to
find it we’re just trying to find this
thread and see what it is unidentified
and talk about it and look at it then
it’s a little bit like then you can see
what it is well what it is whether or
not you then need to change it that’s
another question sometimes it is just
identifying the thing for what it is a
little bit like your skateboard you know
it’s not that powerful of thing in your
mind but it’s important enough that you
still have it so this thread this weird
thread this I sucked thread but I’m also
awesome thread and your parents have
driven that an awesome thing you know
they’ve obviously been in this big
influence going through pumping up your
tires all the time for you which is so
in itself mm-hmm yeah so yeah definitely
curious know what they thought was going
on for you as a kid because you even
though you can’t necessarily consciously
remember it now sure it was a thing at
the time right
of course yeah I mean you don’t just
take your kid to a child psychologist
for nothing and I’m the second child so
they already had some parents and
experience you know it’s not like so
yeah I don’t know I don’t know I’ve
never thought to ask that so mystery
it’s just an mystery to pull on I think
in more recent terms I’ve been I liked
I don’t know mentally weak I guess it’s
the best way to say that I’m not a huge
fan of that but if I feel like I can’t
do it then I then I have to do it give
me an example what does that mean
so I have a strategy called damn the
Doritos so Dan the Doritos is when
people when you’re on a diet so I went
on a diet and the advice is you need to
get the junk food out of the house
because you’re gonna be tempted and in
thinking about that I did that but then
I thought wait I think this is actually
making me weaker like I’m training
myself that I can’t be around junk food
and have control
I don’t like that
I want to fix that and my weakness is
Doritos cuz I love Doritos the spicy
chili Doritos are like that’s the best
I’m weekend and so I went to Costco and
bought the biggest giant bag of Doritos
that I could and I put it it’s on my
right next to me as a reminder because
damn the Doritos damn
so we’re here I’ve got I got a huge bag
of Chicago mix chocolate-covered raisins
York Peppermint Patties like just
hanging out on the countertop and in six
days a week I’m on a healthy diet and
one day tomorrow Saturday so like we’re
counting down and I love looking at it
and I love thinking I’m stronger than
those Doritos or or cookies or whatever
and so anything that I feel makes I
don’t know what you would call that but
anything I and I feel I want to use that
as a challenge and then people say well
don’t doesn’t your resistance go down
like don’t don’t you just eventually
succumb to it and for me it makes me
stronger well no like I gained strength
to me I look at it and like in my head
I’m saying I’m amazing I’m better than
those Doritos it’s it’s them I’m not
physically doing it but if you watch me
Instagram stories I’ll see like I’m
stronger than you Doritos I’m stronger
than you and it makes me feel even
better I don’t like that feeling of I
can’t do it like I want to take the take
the junk food out of the house but then
as soon as I go on a vacation or as soon
as I go on a I leave the house for an
event or something then I’m screwed
because I’ve now taught myself that I
can’t handle it and so I want to go off
and yet proves myself that I can and so
there’s that competitive streak I guess
with myself
the thought of when the cellphone goes
on alarm in the morning it’s like take
the cell phone out of the room and put
it in the kitchen so that you have to
get up and go turn it off I think that
makes you weaker
even the thought I don’t hit this news
but in the morning but even the thought
of that if that was even a thought I
would then want to have the phone right
next to me alarm goes off and I just get
up just because just because I feel like
I need to have it in the other room
I love tackling those things so applying
that in business like Steve is Steve was
on me last week talking about how hey
you gotta you gotta you gotta do follow
ups and you gotta this tour you got to
do a paid tour you’re afraid to do a
paid tour yeah great
let’s do a paid tour I’ve never done one
it’s my chance to go and fail every four
days in 22 different cities not just one
off like every four days I get to get up
and face my fear here we go you need to
connect with people and have them help
promote your event and you need to
follow up and you’re afraid of follow up
because you were third with the way
through now you were saying to me before
so your way through so how’s that
playing out you know the confronting
your fear the people with the people
turning out whether you’re feeling like
you’re disappointing them whether you’re
delivering enough to them
the follow-up how’s it all playing out
it’s mostly gone the fear you can
recognize it it’s gone what was the real
fear what was the favor the fear was so
disappointing people the fear was like I
didn’t know Susan I don’t know if the
contents gonna work I don’t know I’ve
never done this before I don’t know what
how people are gonna react I’ll tell
myself it doesn’t matter because I will
just transmit believe energy and it’s
gonna be great that’s like how I get
through it and and I’ll regret it if I
don’t try so I have to go up and try and
and trying and sucking is better than
not trying and not knowing yeah so I
have to try and so I went off and did it
and and then in the past three I felt no
nerves going into it so I thought okay
I’m it I want to shake it up I want to
do more more Q&A we’re gonna how about
we just go right into Q&A so I’ve been
experiencing with the format each time
so it’s not the same thing every time
and it’s getting better with each city
because I’m trying something a little
bit new each time that makes it that
stuff is easy for me like I love
optimizing and testing and doing the
same thing 23 times it’s gonna be
super boring but then it also creates
some anxiety and that what if this new
thing doesn’t work yeah I’ll still have
to go back and tell myself it doesn’t
matter because I’ll give it I’m gonna
transmit believe and they’re gonna
they’re gonna feel the energy here’s
something that you’re saying that’s just
coming to mind there’s I have a little
bit of guilt that the event I just did
in Phoenix yesterday was so awesome I
have a little bit of guilt that the
Pittsburgh event my first one they
didn’t get the full experience they
loved it they loved it it was a great
event freaking out spazzing post on
Instagram and everything but it’s better
now it’s better now and I could have
done better right and I know I’ll do
better that like I’ll just keep getting
better until we’re done cuz with
repetition you get better so I will keep
getting better I could have done better
to help the people in Pittsburgh and I
use that as okay I need to make sure
that the next one the next one keeps
getting better I need to use that not as
a negative spot but as a positive to
improve and keep getting better
interesting you say that I’m actually
running my first in-person workshops
first one next week and I’m a bit like
you bit of an over deliverer and I’ve
got these little goodie bags it’s a very
small number of people going so I can
spoil them rotten now I’m telling them
I’ve got goodie bags to surprise some
ways right I’m already feeling guilty
for the next time I run these things
when there’s more people and I won’t be
able to able to do that for everybody in
the future if there’s bigger numbers so
I get it like I really get that sense of
letting people down and wanting to spoil
people wanting to give them absolutely
the best experience that they’ve had
maybe you know I mean with your you know
as you go you know in another three you
know when you’re another third of the
way through you’ll be looking like you
said you’ll be looking back on this
event going damn they were ripped off
mmm what do you think it’s gonna be
different like what you think you know
what by the end of the tour what do you
think what do you piss what do you
foresee will be different about what are
you doing I think the biggest difference
is as I get more comfortable and as I’m
having more fun and as I’m diving into
the personal swords of the people there
it’s just a better experience to be
honest in there Phoenix event I didn’t
even cover I didn’t cover as much
material I didn’t even cover the last
segment that I covered in every other
but there are so many questions coming
up that I spent the time diving into
their stories and helping them and it
led to having the best event of all time
I secretly hope I could do the whole
thing Q&A just straight Q&A but I
worried that I’m gonna fall too far off
the content and not actually give them
like tangible stuff that they’ve written
down and can do work on because the
exercises are pretty important as it was
there’s another way you can deliver that
stuff you know can you do both you know
deliver the content in a way that they
still get that but also get the QA you
know maybe it’s something that they can
take with them or something that you
deliver in a different format it’s what
I’m trying to do I think with the I’m
trying to get their questions and pick
on somebody who has the issue that I
want to then talk about in the content
and then use that as a segue to like
okay here’s how we help this one person
now here’s what all you guys need to do
do these exercises you know the point of
this series is I want to get the 10 min
subscribers I need to be comfortable
with being famous how do I get there
I think I’ve had a lot of association
with fame to ego and it’s never been
about me it’s about the mission and I
need to but but I need to get famous to
be able to spread the mission and the
message and so once I recognized
something I love to attack it right so
it’s I’m gonna be the the introvert who
gets famous the introvert humble person
who gets famous and I don’t know how I’m
gonna do it but join me on my journey
let’s go and hopefully it is very you
know busting these stereotypes and I
think that whether it’s you talked
before also about busting the
stereotypes of people talking to many
health professionals too you know
there’s lots of benefits to what you’re
doing with these videos and some of the
comments from last time your people
talking about being brave you’re being
brave to share this content and being
brave to put this out there and you know
busting that stereotype of that alpha
alpha male I hate that phrase but that
that stereotype of the the egotistical
the bombastic they’re loud and out there
male successful entrepreneur on you know
in social media world you have the fame
that comes with with those characters as
I don’t know if it’s courage that gets
you there I think it’s more about being
comfortable with being yourself which
you are you know you you are you know
proudly different to that stereotype but
there’s still this threat and I’m
excited for us to find out a little bit
more about that threat you know that
threat of the feeling weird that thread
of the kid who is you know taking off to
see a psychologist and what that was
about and how that informs where you’re
at now and I guess we’ll find out a
little bit more about that next time
yeah I got my homework and now I
celebrate the weirdness right I mean
then I celebrate so then I pass on to my
son we celebrate differences and
weirdness and and it’s amazing and so
I’ll I’ll tell a lot of stories in my
workshops and say hey I’m a weird duck
and here’s why and and it gets laughs by
my being so weird
and out there it gives permission to
other people to be a little weird
themselves they don’t have to go to the
extreme that I would go through on some
of the examples and stories I tell but
in hearing that at least a message to
myself is it gives them some inspiration
even like tell me I suck why do I say
tell me I suck why am i why am I just a
total idiot in this thing is because I
want to get permission for people to be
honest yeah because if people hedge
their opinions if you’re thinking
something but then you don’t tell me I
can’t get better and so nobody actually
says Evan you suck it’s usually well you
don’t suck but you know why it like if
you did these things which they may not
tell me if we didn’t give them
permission so I’ll go to the extreme so
that they have permission to tell me
what’s actually in their mind because
that’s really way I get better
yeah okay so why not just say that then
you know you don’t suck when you can say
that you can say you know okay here’s
what I want from you I want I want you
guys telling me where you think I can
improve and stuff like that as opposed
to that it’s almost like this thing
about tell me I suck because nobody
believes that cuz you don’t everybody
knows that you know your genuine soul
and you’re good at what you do I
separate between me as a human and the
skills that I have I don’t sign as Evan
Carmichael I’m amazing
why do you separate them I may suck at
doing something I’m a sucker getting on
a skateboard or I may suck it painting
one of those beautiful pictures behind
your wall like I will suck at doing that
but I don’t suck as a human I’m amazing
and so when I say tell me that I saw
don’t say well I’ve been you’re just a
terrible human being it’s more like what
am i doing so if I say why do I suck on
YouTube tell me I’m missing something
right and if my thumbnail strategy is
off or I’ve miscalculated somewhere
great because I can acquire that skill
and go get better at it I want to tie my
self-worth to my effort the effort of
doing something not the result and so
I’m super proud of my effort on things
yeah and this is that’s like the
embodiment of this growth and the growth
mindset that people hearing a lot about
you know growth mindset is decoupling
exactly what you’re talking about so
decoupling your sense of self-worth from
the outcomes you know so kids for
example at school you when you failed
your art project yeah teacher basically
telling you you suck so we’ll hang on a
minute I did a drawing and I didn’t do
it the way you wanted doesn’t mean I
suck it means you go for adding
structures growth mindsets all about
saying well hang on if I can put some
more effort in or if I can get better
instructions there’s something I can do
that changes how I tackle the problem I
might learn and I might improve and I
will grow as opposed to those fixed
mindsets that are when there’s an in
measurement between you as a person and
the outcome are therefore I’m not smart
enough therefore I’ll give up painting
forever and I’ll never achieve anything
in life but that’s right it’s such an
important message that you can give to
all of your audience this idea of not
believing that your skills define you or
not believing that your education
experience defines you not believing
that it just because you can’t do this
one thing that you’re not a good person
or that you’re not worthy of x10 and I
don’t mean you personally I mean you
know your audience generally yes what
I’m trying to do you know I’m trying to
do it trying to live it I don’t feel
like I suck as a human it’s my skills my
skills do suck compared to where I need
to go and my awesomeness will allow me
the perseverance to figure those things
out but the biggest thing I don’t know
is I don’t know what I don’t know right
let’s like me why we’re here right like
you’re you pull stuff out and you see
the world in a totally different way and
say Evan here’s here’s the issue you
know in here if you want to get to this
spot then this is what you need to work
on and and I will work on it you give me
something and you say this is the thing
that needs to you know will stretch you
great I I’ve tied my self-respect to
that like when Steve says you’re not
good at following up with people and
you’re afraid to sell great paid tour
let’s go like I want it I want to fix
that so I’m gonna go acquire that skill
yeah I’m focusing I guess on on that the
vulnerability that we’ve talked at the
end I’ve talked about Steve sort of
touched on a little bit show when we
took when you talked about the story of
the fingernails and painting your
fingernails okay you told me that story
and you told I think you told Hank that
story as well okay and I need a I didn’t
believe that that was vulnerability I
thought it was out of your comfort zone
and I think that’s slightly different
this is why I you know today we’ve been
talking a little bit more about about
when you first felt weird and and helped
to fail in your up class and why your
parents took you to see a psychologist
know these things are scratching at the
surface of your vulnerability to get you
in touch with them a little bit more so
that you can do both you can be outside
your comfort zone and feeling whatever
the feelings I’m being really aware of
that and acknowledging that the
emotional side so vulnerability is not
about a task but I’m gonna paint my
fingernails or was it orange with racing
stripes yes I mean I was terrified to do
it and then I put it was orange to match
my airplane logo
and then I looked at it said wow this
looks really bad like orange on my skin
tone which is pinkish it just looked
Groudon like this sucks and I wanted to
find a way to make it a little more
personal so I said hey how about if we
do white racing stripes like like you
put on the car like yeah yeah yeah my
weird duck brain like who does that I
don’t know so they wanted to put these
little stickers like a Hello Kitty
sticker or something on is it how about
we do some racing stripes like okay okay
so you took the pegging zone a little
bit with the racing stripes but I guess
my point for you yeah and this is why I
want you to you know dig a little more
into the background stories there is
getting in touch with the emotions I’ve
touched before I can’t remember we
talked in the show about this or if it
was out after the show last time we
spoke but I mean I have I have factual
memories about the difficult experiences
I have had in my childhood but I don’t
have emotional memories and you know
I’ve had to find witnesses to the
emotions that I experienced as a child
my grandmother is my witness to that to
get some sense of what it was like for
me as a kid and this is possibly why you
know you might need to talk to your
parents they were your witness to what
those emotions were like you know why
you might have felt weird as a kid or
why you were a fish out of water in
school or what was going on for you and
what you can learn from that as an
add-on it’s not about digging in the
past for the sake of stirring up mud
it’s actually about what can I learn
from that you know and what of that do I
carry with me today that I’m actually
quite proud of now that I can draw on
has the strength to go forward so
finding a witness is a really powerful
example or a powerful exercise for you
to go out you know that was actually
obviously really tough for whatever
reason you can’t remember maybe it was
not that important to you as a kid or
maybe it was actually really painful and
you’ve buried it down we don’t know yet
because we don’t know what the situation
was but digging on that and drawing on
that getting into that vulnerability
space a little bit seeing we pull out of
that yeah I don’t know it being fun
going and talking to go okay great yeah
we’re gonna go play games and puzzles
and I get the look I didn’t know what it
meant so I didn’t
feel like anything was wrong at the time
but obviously something was a concern
I’ll do it I’ll find that out and as
long as whatever I share doesn’t throw
somebody I love under the bus exposed
light on them I’m good we can go
anywhere right like unless as long as my
parents don’t say well you know your
uncle beat you or something like whoa
okay great I know that I’m not gonna
throw up so that people say this is
courageous I don’t feel it like I know
how it is for other people but this
isn’t this isn’t courage I’m happy to
share anything about me as long as
doesn’t throw somebody else under the
bus yeah yeah and then of course you
know and I would never want you to do
that either all right so I guess you
know building weaving the vulnerability
and weaving that understanding in how
will it change what you do on social
media what difference will it make
the work that we’re doing to pull out
some more of that vulnerability you know
Hank mentioned it Steve’s kind of
mentioned it that’s sort of that sense
of over control there that you carry
that those shields that’s the shields
that I was talking about before those
emotional shields like if you could let
that go and it could be that vulnerable
person that Hanks talked about and I’m
sort of trying to draw out of you and
Steve’s mentioned in a way if you could
be there what difference do you think it
would make what why would it be
important value I think that I mean the
more emotional connection you have the
more people will resonate with the
message my best content my best content
is usually when I’m passionate and
almost angry so the event that I went to
today you have to pay $100,000 a year to
be a member of that group and I went in
and most of them had no idea who I was
and a good chunk of them have serious
reputations in the industry and I yelled
at them and I can I kick their faces in
and and I actually I love working with
high achievers that way because they’re
not used to being challenged and on this
it’s absolute truth and so there’s no
comeback and they actually respect
so the emotional intelligence on my side
if you can’t handle it I’m not gonna
push you hard like it’s meet people with
compassion where they’re at yeah if
somebody’s all emotional and crying and
sad I I have a hard time in knowing what
I feel bad I don’t know how to comfort
or support them as others might as an
Oprah might if somebody is challenging
or defensive but as as you said growth
minded or is a high achiever I do really
well I do really well with those people
people who don’t like to be challenged
who then get challenged and hear the
truth and respect you for the challenge
I do like the guy I pushed hard today
now he wants me back on his podcast and
we’re leaving in ten minutes
yeah you mentioned emotional emotional
intelligence yeah that’s what that is
that empathy not just for people in
sadness but also the resistance of
people is showing and the control that
they put in place so you’re leaving in
ten minutes so we probably need to wrap
up quickly before we go I got a joke for
you okay why can’t you hear
psychologists when they go to the toilet
here’s maybe another insight I don’t
want the answer I want to figure it out
and so I will let that joke hang for two
weeks thinking about it because I want
to solve the puzzle but I don’t know so
loud to say I don’t know and for the
there you go would never have guessed
that I would come up with like four
different and equally sensible responses
that would not be that one anyway that’s
not personality I like it what are we
we’ve talked about empathy we’ve talked
about that you have rock-solid empathy
okay okay you’ve got a growth mindset
it’s a good thing okay you’re able to
identify the difference between you as a
person and the skills that you do or
don’t have for sure so that’s an awesome
thing okay the empathy is a great
strength for you but it also brings up
the shields
okay those
and that’s this year there the shields
that we you know when you let people
down you don’t want to let people down
you don’t want to disappoint people
because you feel it okay you put
yourself in their shoes and you feel it
we don’t want to stop your doing that
because that’s a beautiful human quality
but we also want to understand it a
little bit more so we can sort of
maximize the strength elements of that
as opposed to it feeling like sometimes
getting a better understanding of that
thread of feeling weird the weirdness
and the empathy go together sure there’s
something about understanding other
people’s weirdness or do ya you know
they go together so understanding why
you know why you felt like that as a kid
and understanding what your parents
remember so your parents are your
witness because they’ve been cheering
you on forever and there’s a real reason
why they’ve they’ve live not just
because they love you did you say
they’re my witness or weakness witness
witness okay yeah yeah yeah so they’re
the witness to you feeling weird as a
kid to you feeling like a fish out of
water as a kid to the reasons why you
went to see psychosis as a kid so
getting something from them having a
conversation with them it might be hard
to do that while you’re traveling but
you know oh no
hard I like hard is fine all right
so then have that conversation if you
can have that conversation which we know
when we talk with the idea that this is
finding some evidence getting back to
you my brand you know the whole finding
proof thing finding some evidence around
what is it about your empathy and
feeling weird that you know where does
it come from and why is it so important
that it still colors those fees that you
have around disappointing people letting
people down there’s strength in there as
well okay I’m gonna tack my parents
I’m curious we’re diving deeper into
what say you to ego I love being eager I
don’t I don’t think too eager is a thing
I think people should be more eager yeah
okay so what scares you if I was to give
you how I’m a bit scared you what would
it be
I don’t know I’m scared of a lot of
stuff you know it’s that’s not that I’m
like I’m tear
fight of many many many things what
could I do I like when I find something
that’s relevant I want to attack it
right like the nails I want to attack it
I want to do it because it scares me so
I’m sure there’s lots of stuff you know
dance naked in front of my audience
would scare me but I’m not gonna do you
know his lines so the start of this tour
was scary you know we need the cells he
wants me to sell them at 20,000 bucks
before my next book it’s scary but I’ll
be scared and I’ll do it
I think it’s something to do in laying
out control and I think that you know
the things that I’ve noticed those
shield to come up with that sense of
disappointment that sense of always
being ready that sense of over
preparedness letting go control is
probably where your your sensitivity
button is probably sitting in there
okay maybe what the next like as an
example when I used to do interviews I
need to I need to have all the questions
in advance you need to give me the
questions in advance I want to know
everything so give you the best answer
but now I know that I don’t want they
start telling the questions I don’t want
to know I don’t want to know I want to
go live and just see what you’re asking
me all these lights personalize I have
nobody I don’t know what you’re gonna
ask me we didn’t scream we’re recording
it when I recognized it I love I love
the challenge of giving up the control
because it’s part of the process so like
for me to get to where I want to go you
need to control the way that we go
through this conversation
so I’m just I’m the subject you know
you’re the expert so I’m following you
and same thing with Stephen Hank like
they’re the experts of those things so I
need to trust if I trust a teacher I’ll
do the work and give up control if I
don’t trust a teacher I will fight
against a control with everything that I
have and I see
of that sometimes you know sometimes in
our conversations you know that the
pushback comes into it and I guess part
of my job is to is to call you on it
when I see it um yes yes oh good the
people want to find you what’s what’s
the next best step okay so am i finding
proof page on facebook and welcome to
all my new American followers I’m very
excited to have you all finding proof
yes or no thumbs-up to that so it’s
finding proof with dr. Tess Crawley you
can just put in tests cruelly mentoring
and you’ll find a page or you can just
google me cuz I’m all over the place
like a rash apparently also on YouTube
channel there with our gosh nearly two
hundred videos so you pedal around in
there and yeah and there’s some some
more coming obviously Instagram too
that’s oddly enough we’ll put that in
description guys if you want to go check
it out past super appreciate the love
thank you so much for your energy and
we’ll do this okay if you want to see
what tests told me last time that made
me feel super awkward go check the link
next to me I think you’ll enjoy it
continue to believe and I’ll see you there
Please follow and like us: