the work that I do is like is very sort
of controlling like I seem to be able to
control people’s minds or control
people’s actions with them I actually
think this a terrible way of living I’m
a big believer in that in the stoic idea
there’s like all the things you can
control and then the things you can’t
control if you try to start controlling
things that you can’t
you’re gonna you’re just gonna get
frustrated and angry and anxious but the
only things you can control are your
thoughts and your actions and that is it
that is it
so you have this choice you try and
control all this other stuff or you
could just decide that it’s fine but
everything else is fine and the thing is
it always is so like you know your
partner is driving me mad because
essentially they handle stress for
Henley and they’re putting putting it
all on your head or whatever whatever
that is you’re in charge of how much you
maybe do try and help them more how
kindly you can meet them but you but
essentially if they handle stress badly
and they’re having a bad time like you
you can emotionally separate a little
and go that’s okay it’s okay
and in that so the clarity that comes to
that then you can actually be like a
better partner at me and better health
as opposed to making it all about you
and turning it into a huge big thing
that you don’t need to do if you’re
going to I don’t know tennis again to
get into tennis if you try and control
the thing you can’t control which is the
outcome so if you go in thinking I must
win I must win this game then what
happens you start to lose you become
anxious you don’t play as well
but you can go in thinking I will play
as best as I possibly can the best of my
abilities and I’m now that we are can be
negative and I’m gonna yeah what it’s
just it’s just a different story you’re
in you’re in your thought you’re on this
side of the line and of course you play
better you do actually play better the
results tend to be better but you just
you just try to keep it on the right
side of the line so there are these
there are kind of you know like matters
of social injustice that you think well
that’s not fine that needs changing well
fine but then just emotionally commit
yourself to doing your absolute utmost
to change that thing not to an outcome
that this may not be the time that maybe
like it’s going to be years after you’ve
done your efforts if that’s going to
change but you’ll do a better job
because you’ll be less bitter you’ll be
less frustrated you know so what I think
is more important is to have an easy
relationship with thanked fortune at the
Greek juice to them they really believe
in this thing called fortunate you know
it’s a better graph it magically you’ve
got like an X like a X Y or X actually
was on your y-axis is right there so a
lot of one axis you’ve got say the
y-axis is your aims the things you want
to do the things you want have achieved
right so that’s like that axis this axis
down here is just stuff it’s fortunate
stuff that life throws back at you stuff
you can’t control what we are told again
and again and again is if you believe in
yourself enough and if you set your
goals clearly enough you can sort of the
life you lead this line it would be kind
of up here somewhere really in line with
what your goals are and I mean that can
work sometimes
it does but what you’re not then
respecting is this stuff that just
happens that you don’t have under your
control
so I happens it’s like when people that
we call people losers now right like
they’ve lot what recycle Mun fortunates
there’s a slightly more sympathetic
approach to when things don’t go right
in people’s lives so what I think is
important is that actually what we live
is an x equals y line right we we try
and do certain things and we try and
pull the line a bit up here and then
life pulls back a little bit and you can
either let that drive you mad or you can
just let that settle in as I kind of
that’s what my things right that’s what
my face which is whether you make your
peace with them not are you were like a
like a dog that’s pulling at the lead
and this all the time are you kind of
trotting along a bit more harmoniously
with it so this I think this is a really
big thing Michael she said behind you
vote flow so he studied like yeah
athletes is this chess place anyone that
had like a Zen state like a state of
flow where they fell this is the best
version of me and I’m achieving the most
and what he saw was that they’re in this
x equals y line of skills on this side
you’ve got the challenges you’re facing
on this side when your skills roughly
match your challenges you settle into
this flow state right you lose any sense
of like time those things regardless of
what the skill is like yeah you just in
the zone you’re in the zone all right if
your skills are greater than the
challenges you kind of get bored if the
challenges are greater than your skills
you get anxious and there’s this x
equals y line show that out like great
18th 19th century German philosopher
said you know if you the guess is so
relevant today when we’re just told
believe in yourself and said your girls
like you so if you play a game of chess
if you start out you start out with a
plan
but if you just stick to that plan all
your life if you just if that plan that
they gave us really it’s nonsense
because like someone else is playing so
you have to adjust so again you’ve kind
of got this idea of moving on Freud
Freud who’s starting you know
psychoanalysis he wasn’t trying to make
people happy he figured life is pretty
much unhappy Bogota recovering yeah yeah
so he said well I want to restore what
he called natural unhappiness
as opposed to unnatural unhappiness that
people have and gradually just natural
and having as you call it but the you
know it doesn’t sound kind of like you
know you don’t sell a lot of books for
those kind of it’s a sort of precedence
if I just received it pestle idiots good
call you know I think Ashley’s a little
bit of that is valuable because
otherwise it’s like the faith you know
that says if you don’t continue to feel
better it’s your fault you’ve let
yourself down because you didn’t have
enough faith and if you swap out failure
self belief like I don’t know if you’re
a fan of like you know the secret that
it’s the same model yeah yeah and it
says quite explicitly if these things
don’t come to you it’s your body it’s
your fault it is your fault because you
you let go of that self belief and it’s
it’s a recipe I think anxiety and
disaster cuz I people can set these kind
of goals that lasts forever Joseph
Campbell I’m sure you know people right
on MIT said you know you spend your life
climbing a ladder and then realize you had the ladder against the wrong wall
of controlling like I seem to be able to
control people’s minds or control
people’s actions with them I actually
think this a terrible way of living I’m
a big believer in that in the stoic idea
there’s like all the things you can
control and then the things you can’t
control if you try to start controlling
things that you can’t
you’re gonna you’re just gonna get
frustrated and angry and anxious but the
only things you can control are your
thoughts and your actions and that is it
that is it
so you have this choice you try and
control all this other stuff or you
could just decide that it’s fine but
everything else is fine and the thing is
it always is so like you know your
partner is driving me mad because
essentially they handle stress for
Henley and they’re putting putting it
all on your head or whatever whatever
that is you’re in charge of how much you
maybe do try and help them more how
kindly you can meet them but you but
essentially if they handle stress badly
and they’re having a bad time like you
you can emotionally separate a little
and go that’s okay it’s okay
and in that so the clarity that comes to
that then you can actually be like a
better partner at me and better health
as opposed to making it all about you
and turning it into a huge big thing
that you don’t need to do if you’re
going to I don’t know tennis again to
get into tennis if you try and control
the thing you can’t control which is the
outcome so if you go in thinking I must
win I must win this game then what
happens you start to lose you become
anxious you don’t play as well
but you can go in thinking I will play
as best as I possibly can the best of my
abilities and I’m now that we are can be
negative and I’m gonna yeah what it’s
just it’s just a different story you’re
in you’re in your thought you’re on this
side of the line and of course you play
better you do actually play better the
results tend to be better but you just
you just try to keep it on the right
side of the line so there are these
there are kind of you know like matters
of social injustice that you think well
that’s not fine that needs changing well
fine but then just emotionally commit
yourself to doing your absolute utmost
to change that thing not to an outcome
that this may not be the time that maybe
like it’s going to be years after you’ve
done your efforts if that’s going to
change but you’ll do a better job
because you’ll be less bitter you’ll be
less frustrated you know so what I think
is more important is to have an easy
relationship with thanked fortune at the
Greek juice to them they really believe
in this thing called fortunate you know
it’s a better graph it magically you’ve
got like an X like a X Y or X actually
was on your y-axis is right there so a
lot of one axis you’ve got say the
y-axis is your aims the things you want
to do the things you want have achieved
right so that’s like that axis this axis
down here is just stuff it’s fortunate
stuff that life throws back at you stuff
you can’t control what we are told again
and again and again is if you believe in
yourself enough and if you set your
goals clearly enough you can sort of the
life you lead this line it would be kind
of up here somewhere really in line with
what your goals are and I mean that can
work sometimes
it does but what you’re not then
respecting is this stuff that just
happens that you don’t have under your
control
so I happens it’s like when people that
we call people losers now right like
they’ve lot what recycle Mun fortunates
there’s a slightly more sympathetic
approach to when things don’t go right
in people’s lives so what I think is
important is that actually what we live
is an x equals y line right we we try
and do certain things and we try and
pull the line a bit up here and then
life pulls back a little bit and you can
either let that drive you mad or you can
just let that settle in as I kind of
that’s what my things right that’s what
my face which is whether you make your
peace with them not are you were like a
like a dog that’s pulling at the lead
and this all the time are you kind of
trotting along a bit more harmoniously
with it so this I think this is a really
big thing Michael she said behind you
vote flow so he studied like yeah
athletes is this chess place anyone that
had like a Zen state like a state of
flow where they fell this is the best
version of me and I’m achieving the most
and what he saw was that they’re in this
x equals y line of skills on this side
you’ve got the challenges you’re facing
on this side when your skills roughly
match your challenges you settle into
this flow state right you lose any sense
of like time those things regardless of
what the skill is like yeah you just in
the zone you’re in the zone all right if
your skills are greater than the
challenges you kind of get bored if the
challenges are greater than your skills
you get anxious and there’s this x
equals y line show that out like great
18th 19th century German philosopher
said you know if you the guess is so
relevant today when we’re just told
believe in yourself and said your girls
like you so if you play a game of chess
if you start out you start out with a
plan
but if you just stick to that plan all
your life if you just if that plan that
they gave us really it’s nonsense
because like someone else is playing so
you have to adjust so again you’ve kind
of got this idea of moving on Freud
Freud who’s starting you know
psychoanalysis he wasn’t trying to make
people happy he figured life is pretty
much unhappy Bogota recovering yeah yeah
so he said well I want to restore what
he called natural unhappiness
as opposed to unnatural unhappiness that
people have and gradually just natural
and having as you call it but the you
know it doesn’t sound kind of like you
know you don’t sell a lot of books for
those kind of it’s a sort of precedence
if I just received it pestle idiots good
call you know I think Ashley’s a little
bit of that is valuable because
otherwise it’s like the faith you know
that says if you don’t continue to feel
better it’s your fault you’ve let
yourself down because you didn’t have
enough faith and if you swap out failure
self belief like I don’t know if you’re
a fan of like you know the secret that
it’s the same model yeah yeah and it
says quite explicitly if these things
don’t come to you it’s your body it’s
your fault it is your fault because you
you let go of that self belief and it’s
it’s a recipe I think anxiety and
disaster cuz I people can set these kind
of goals that lasts forever Joseph
Campbell I’m sure you know people right
on MIT said you know you spend your life
climbing a ladder and then realize you had the ladder against the wrong wall
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