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How to Deal with JEALOUSY – #BelieveLife


good morning believe nation today we’re
going to talk about how to deal with
jealousy as always guys as you’re
watching the clips if you hear somebody
say something that really resonates with
you please leave it in the comments
below and put quotes around that so
other people can be inspired as well
also when you write it down it’s much
more likely to stick with yourself to
enjoy
[Music]
it’s that knot in your stomach that mix
of fear and anxiety that materializes
when you feel threatened by someone
prettier than you smarter than you it
can cause you to do some pretty stupid
sitcom level stuff just to regain
control things that usually hurt other
people too you’re probably familiar with
this feeling it’s what Shakespeare
called the green-eyed monster today
we’re talking about jealousy here’s the
thing kids
jealousy is a distinctly first-person
emotion it almost always comes from a
place of insecurity which you’ll
ultimately project on others the bottom
line jealousy isn’t about the other
person it’s about you jealousy tends to
come with a specific set of blinders and
the more jealous we are the less able we
are to let’s say empathize with others
for example a study conducted by the
researchers at the University of
Delaware found that jealous people were
more easily distracted and less able to
perform simple memory games so let’s try
to figure out how to get your jealousy
issues under control
you know if you’re coming from a place
of that fear of inadequacy thinking
someone’s gonna leave you it often comes
from a place of you’re not giving
yourself credit you know you do good
things but you don’t feel and integrate
those in your identity so that you
become a stronger happier healthier
adult a lot of people they’re actually
pretty extraordinary people but they
don’t feel extraordinary because all
those extraordinary things that happen
they never integrated someone gives them
a compliment like yeah yeah yeah
whatever
and they can’t hear it it doesn’t
penetrate into their identity where they
start going you know what I’m alright
I am good I can be confident now I’ve
achieved enough I’ve come far enough
I’ve survived enough it’s about giving
yourself credit and remembering your
strengths you come through such
difficult things in your life that
you’re stronger than you know so why is
that so important because you know what
if they do leave you you’ll be fine and
this is the hardest thing to believe
when you have this fear of jealousy
they’re gonna leave and I might be
wrecked you won’t be wrecked you
survived a lot in the past someone’s
probably already left you in your life
not to be not to be a blamer
or making fun of you it’s just true
right lots of people walked out on me
lots of people left me I’ve had lots of
breakups in my life that happens and I’m
still here I’m still surviving I’m just
still pretty annoyingly happy dude you
can be happy with or without anybody or
anything
you don’t need more wealth you don’t
need more people you don’t need more
higher career you don’t anything you can
choose in this moment to feel grateful
and blessed you can choose to focus your
attention on things that you appreciate
to take in the good again and if you
start taking in those good things that
you hear about yourself if you start
taking in those good wins those small
daily actions that you did we hit that
goal when you got that project done when
you did what you’re supposed to do we
said something nice and start feeling
stronger about yourself you stopped
worrying about other people and you can
start to say you know what with or
without somebody I’m fine
because you know what that makes you
attractive turn Envy into action so envy
can be inspiring and instructive
you’re envious of someone’s results just
let that fuel you ahead the fact that
they did it means that it can be done
and that you can do it too so just give
them a high five in a soul shake ii
realize that envy is often a clue that
there’s something latent in you that
needs to be expressed so let that envy
trigger you in a beautiful way let it
guide you to where you need to take some
more action in your own life so next
time and that you’re feeling some envy
don’t feel embarrassed just remember
this tweetable don’t hide your envy ride
your envy from she has what I want to
I’ll have what she’s having
so what’s the ultimate solution to
dealing with jealousy the solution is to
turn within this is not a problem that
gets solved externally you’re not gonna
win the jealousy game by going out there
and actually feeding that person or that
thing or getting you know one up on them
what you need to do is you need to
actually state wait a minute wait a
minute wait a minute this is an internal
ego struggle that I’m dealing with and I
just gotta turn inwards and look inside
me to see what’s really going on with my
self-image my self-esteem my views on
reality my beliefs about myself and
other people that’s where the results
happen so don’t get tricked by your ego
to figure this is an external problem
it’s not an external problem at all you
have to also convince yourself that
jealousy is an ego game and that that’s
pretty much what’s going on here it’s
not about the fact that you’re actually
threatened in some serious way it’s an
ego game and this is important to
convince yourself because until you
convince yourself of this then you’re
not gonna have the awareness
consciousness and self honesty to look
inside and do the work that’s necessary
on the inside to eradicate this jealousy
if you are able to convince yourself
that this is an ego game then you’re
gonna start to think like this oh so
it’s it’s me there’s like elements
within me there causing this let me
start to take a look at my ego let me
start to take a look inside and get
really honest get very observant because
there’s some really
fishy surreptitious activity going on
inside my psyche
I gotta examine that for myself get a
deeper look at it let’s take a look at
what’s going on let’s take a look under
the hood and that’s the key once you can
convince yourself that looking under the
hood is a good thing and once you start
to see that Oh
looking under the hood it’s actually not
as easy as I thought it was it’s gonna
take some real work then you’ve got the
foundation set for doing some deep inner
work on your jealousy if you put your
mind into an environment where you’re
constantly thinking negative thoughts
because yeah it’s your default pattern
then that’s what its gonna respond sir
you start building the negative muscles
and they’ll get stronger over time and
you’ll be able to lift more we are
heavier negative things with those
muscles but it also works if you put it
in the positive gym and that’s what most
people all you need to do to free
yourself from negative thoughts is to
get in a better environment get your ass
in the positive gym how do you do that
well in today’s world it’s easy and you
don’t even need to pay a fitness
membership to be able to do it and
that’s so expose yourself consistently
get that compass needle Andry magnetize
it in a different direction
you do it over time you don’t walk into
a gym with an overweight body and you
walk out fit no you walk out sore and
it’s uncomfortable but over time that’s
what happens if you want to stay with an
overweight body that’s your deal and I’m
here to tell you if you don’t make time
for health you will have to make time
for illness that’s not a rule I made up
that’s just the way it is if you don’t
make time for positivity in your life
your default magnetic north is gonna
swing over to the negative you know I
didn’t make that up that’s just the way
it is and unfortunately most people’s
default north points negative so your
environments your peer group the media
all of the things that most people are
associated to are constantly programming
them into a negative direction so that
when they’re sleeping awake now and
doing things out of habit that’s the
gravitational right and then guess what
we feel trapped by negative thinking so
how do you free yourself make a
conscious decision
yeah the will is what drives at the
force so have a make a decision a firm
liz’ll decision that I’m going to get my
mental ass in the positive gym very easy
to do surround yourself with positive
people if you can’t do that read
positive books yet watch positive films
films that lift you up that come from a
place of possibility yeah that support
how we can not why I can’t you know if
people are in your environment that a
negative start tuning them out that’s
not to say that you’re better or worse
it’s just to say that you want a
different environment the next time
you’re in a situation where you’re
experiencing those extreme jealous
thoughts go into a separate room
take out your well cast journal and calm
down step one acknowledge admit it
you’re jealous and you can’t run from
your feelings but by addressing your
jealousy head-on you can keep it from
taking on epic unrealistic proportions
write down exactly what’s making you
jealous and why let’s say you just found
out that your two best friends didn’t
invite you to that movie that they
caught last week it it out my friends
are hanging out without me I’m scared
they’ll stop being my friend it’s okay
to be a little dramatic it’s just your
journal step to communicate now that all
of your embarrassing thoughts are out on
paper don’t get the real story don’t
have an imaginary argument with your
friends in your head it’s only gonna
make things worse
tell them how you feel about what
happened be vulnerable and apologize to
them if you overreacted in any way
because you might have make it clear
that you’re expressing your feelings and
not stating facts speak in I statements
I feel like you didn’t want to hang out
with me because you’re tired of me
that’s your insecurities at a certain
point the only way to get over your
jealousy is to stop thinking about
yourself all the time and see someone
else’s point of view step 3
resolve and this will be the hardest
part for you because now you have to
listen your friends might tell you that
you’re overreacting and they might be
right we know you don’t like horror
movies so we didn’t think to invite you
my solution
LLC is to care less about what other
people think I think if we’re looking at
jealousy there’s two sides to it –
there’s two sides to it the first side
is people who are jealous of you and
then the second set is people who you
are jealous of and so for people who are
jealous of you you’ll find that they’re
often hated on you the telling you you
can’t do things or criticizing your work
or meanwhile they’re not doing anything
themselves like the critics in your life
typically have never done what you’re
trying to do and so their advice is
meaningless to you and I recognize that
if somebody’s jealous of me that’s their
own shortcomings I don’t need to let
that impact what I’m going through you
get to choose how you deal with
somebody’s jealousy or reactions to you
and my choice is to not care to let it
bounce if I fight with them on something
what’s the point like what do I get from
that besides more negativity and more
hatred and more just kind of downward
spiral and so I don’t really care what
people think of me so that’s their issue
and they need to deal with it don’t
bring me down into your crap I’m not
getting down into the mud with you and
the way that I don’t care about these
people and their opinions again is
thinking about have they done what I’m
trying to do are they in any kind of
position to give me advice on this and
usually it’s lower even close the people
who are hating on your idea have lower
standards in life than you do
so why are you listening to them the
second kind of people would be people
that you might be jealous of people who
have accomplished something that you
want to accomplish or have a skill that
you want to be able to learn and for me
I’m not jealous of anybody I admire
people I look up to people I think it’s
because it’s not just about achieving
the goal it’s not just about achieving
the million subscribers or ten million
subscribers or whatever it is it’s not
just about achieving that revenue target
that you guys have or whatever your big
goal is like somebody’s gone out and
done it and you haven’t so you’re
jealous of them or somebody has that car
and you don’t see you’re jealous of them
it’s not about achieving that goal for
me I think what helps for me it’s about
the client it’s about the process I look
up to a Les Brown in the public speaking
field I think he’s one of the
best of the best especially young Les
Brown and I admired that and I want to
learn to get better I don’t want to be
Les Brown need to be the best version of
me but I like the climb I like working
on how do I get better and better and
better and better and better and not
just being jealous about reaching the
objective because I want to do the work
like I’d like the work and so there’s
nothing that anybody has that I am
jealous of and so that jealousy doesn’t
really play into my life I think it
really again comes back to and join the
process of getting better enjoying the
growth and if you can focus on that and
not so much the outcome then you’re not
gonna really be jealous so I think
depending on what kind of jealousy or
dealing with other people being jealous
of you or you being jealous of other
people hopefully you’ve got some
solutions today that can help you be
less jealous and focus on the important
things in life
so thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because P dog be asked
me to so there’s a topic you’d like me
to cover in the next edition of believe
life leave it down in the comments below
and I’ll see what I can do I’d also love
to know what did you think about this
video what lesson that you learn from
these videos that you can apply to your
life or to your business I’d love to
hear from you and this is a strategy you
have on how to deal with jealousy that
maybe we didn’t cover leave it down in
the comments below
help out believe nation do a public good
I’d love to hear from you finally I want
to give a quick shout out to mini C
Reilly mini thank you so much for
picking up a copy of my book your one
word as well as Amy’s vlog like a boss I
love it make sure to read mine first
I love Amy but you got to read mine
first thank you for the love thank you
for the support so thank you guys so
much for watching I believe in you I
hope you continue to believe in yourself
and whatever you’re one where it is much
love have an amazing day and I’ll see
you soon
always remember to serve others on your
way up you know be humble and grateful
for what you have but don’t forget to
also be social with that a lot of
jealousy or the negativity that comes at
us is because people think that we’re
narcissistic we’re in it for ourselves
that we don’t care about anybody else or
they’re jealous and the real
insecurities that will leave them that
they’ll get left behind so they say
these you know weird comments but what
they’re really saying is please don’t
leave what they’re really saying is you
know don’t become somebody who’s all
about the success or the money or the
fame or the wealth or the accolades or
the statues whatever it is right they
want to know that you’re still human and
the best way to demonstrate that and the
most needed thing you need to do is you
continue to succeed is reach out and
help those others who are on the same
path of life maybe just a few yards
behind you help lift them up you know as
Booker T Washington taught us there’s
two ways to exert strength one is
pushing down and the other is pulling up
so pull some people up help people offer
guiding hand give donate serve volunteer
still be out among people serving and
helping don’t become one of those you
know people who becomes lost in the
Hollywood Hills all by yourself just
thinking about your own self staring at
your belly button all day thinking how
self-important you are be that person
who’s still out there helping guiding
serving supporting champion other people
because you know what you can always
hate people but it’s hard to hate
somebody who’s a champion of others so
you be the champion of others and soon
those negative voices those jealous
people they’ll deal with their own stuff
and if they don’t ignore them if they
don’t keep getting better if they don’t
remember your dream if they don’t and
they just need your love then be there
for them but realize you must stay on
your path regardless of jealousy
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