imagine being able to get someone to
open up to you share their deepest
darkest secrets and have them love you
for it
any matter of minutes and not only get
them to like you but make it so you have
their trust and respect so you have the
leverage to change their lives if you
want to how cool would that be this is
something that Tony Robbins has mastered
in his 20-plus years of coaching and
speaking all around the world he’s been
able to help out millions of people so
they can live a happy and fulfilled life
but what is his secret
hey this is Edwin Torres and in this
video we’re gonna break down how to
build instant rapport and connection
with people just like Tony Robbins ready
let’s get started then the first thing I
want to point out is that if you want
people to like you it starts before you
even open your mouth I’d love to tell
you to never judge a book by its cover
right but it’s human nature to look at
someone and automatically categorize
them and put them in the boxes so
knowing that might as well use this to
your advantage for example look at Tony
Robbins a lot of people don’t know this
but he is a tall guy right he’s about
six seven which is the height of the
average NBA player a lot of people would
naturally he’ll blame him get
intimidated by such a large man but what
Tony does well is he knows how to give a
good first impression
this helps to ease the person he is
talking to and the only way to get
someone to open up to you is to first
make them comfortable and what’s an easy
way to do that it’s simple a smile boy I
like crazy how y’all doing how y’all
doing out there Dreamforce smiling takes
away the tension between you and the
person you’re talking to and if you’re
feeling relaxed and at ease a lot of
times you’ll transfer those feelings
onto them as well Tony is always smiling
and when he talks to you you feel his
energy
[Music]
welcome along it’s called heaven
fijian come on in you saw how he smiled
nice and wide when he opened the door
I’m not gonna lie I got a little bit
jealous that I couldn’t be there for the
tour too if you combined smiling with
strong eye contact you create this
bubble around you and the person you’re
talking to you that’s the secret to
becoming more magnetic great so now that
you know how to get people comfortable
around you how do you make it so they
let their guard down just a little bit
more an important thing Tony does is he
shows genuine interest in the other
person all right okay
so I’ve heard a little bit but just tell
me for real fast what if there’s one
concern you have what is it for you
anxiety anxiety and what tends to
trigger that I just I feel like I’m at
the point in my life where I need to
figure out what I’m doing with my life
like right now okay and so you that that
pressure inside is really married how
about for yourself air failure Glaus
okay and what causes that what triggers
that most for you um I’ve had losses in
life I’ve had losses as you know it from
my family and you know I’ve always been
really success oriented so like I always
want to exceed I’m kind of an
overachiever in a sense and if you don’t
it’s not consistent with your identity
so it creates it exactly as you saw in
that last clip Tony went to one by one
by one to each and every guest on the
dr. Oz Show and he asked him what was
the biggest problem that’s holding them
back if you notice his body language if
he noticed him asking follow-up
questions it shows that he is listening
to them and it shows that he genuinely
cares to help them out that is how you
build instant rapport and here’s another
clip where Tony helps a client to
transform her business
you can see how impressed she was by the
amount of effort that Tony put into
actually helping her out and to figure
out what her mental blocks were my only
piece for you is taking care of you so
that this journey you don’t look back
and have regrets right right and the
place that you have regret will probably
not be the business it will be in your
personal life his approach is personal
and it’s tailored which i think is
amazing I think that’s why he’s so
effective because he customizes to
whoever he’s interacting with I have no
question she can succeed in business my
concern was I could feel that below that
there’s this
lack of fulfillment and enjoyment even
though she’s busting her tail and my
goal in life is not only how people
achieve more Michaels helping people
have life on their turn if you read the
famous book how to win friends and
influence people it talks about how the
most important thing to us is it money
sex or success it’s actually ourselves
and when you don’t talk about yourself a
lot but instead make the other person
that you’re talking to seem like the
most interesting thing in the world
that’s how you get them to like you more
this is how you become more charming
when you put in real interest into
getting to know the person that you’re
talking to make sure you do that in your
next conversation let’s jump to the next
tip another way that Tony is able to
build rapport fast is that he is open
and honest with you so if you want to
know what does it take to take things to
the highest level what’s gonna take to
change my business permanently not
temporary you go home and you can
install some of these strategies skills
tactics tools insights and see a
significant change but if that change is
gonna be a lasting company of value that
keeps growing then the things you’ve
learned here have to become the standard
for your organization in Tony’s job he
has to dive to the core of what is
holding you back what is the main issue
that is stopping you from achieving
whatever it is you want to achieve he
doesn’t have time for politically
correct responses or just and this smart
talk that honestly doesn’t get you
anywhere he wants the real meat and
potatoes and what he does – stop – smart
talking to actually get to the root of
the problem is he will call out the
elephant in the room he is not afraid to
tell you what is on his mind so is in
the beginning phase when he was still
figuring things out he thought he said
well you know I I love her but in the
meantime I’m just gonna sleep around
until I really have the assurance that
she really loves me do other people do
that in fátima lubricant or la vida
normally I don’t see this is a normal
thing that he sleeps around he’s an
Italian man that sleeps around and
[Applause]
are you new I’m not saying it’s right
but I’m just saying is that not a
pattern in the culture is not the
president of the country around on a
regular basis and so you’re surprised
that a man that is not yet have your
total commitment to him would actually
engage in sexual relations with other
women I was pregnant with this child yes
Oh Jean Franco’s on Franco’s on Franco’s
on Franco I’m reacting me mean you’d get
from this point on in that clip you saw
how Tony was not afraid to call out both
people for their BS he doesn’t care who
you are how much money you make what
your level of influence is or who you
know if you need to hear something
that’s going to help you fix your
problem he won’t let you know what it is
this is important because people respect
you more when you are authentic and
truthful but what Tony doesn’t do and
this might be even more crucial that you
pay attention to is that he never diss
credits or disrespects the problem that
you’re bringing up he is extremely
empathetic and he is aware that from
your and this issue is having a real
effect on you and is holding you down so
he’ll never make fun of that but he will
call you out if he feels I will help you
fix your situation
that’s the slight distinction you have
to make I want you to notice something
watch this what should your father have
done what should he have done you should
have what you should have given me
attention he should stop what he’s doing
and give you attention yeah because he I
asked for it see see so that’s how it
works okay whip out a breast I asked him
for sandwich I said whip out one of your
breasts I’d like to see one of your
[Laughter]
I’m asking for one it’s not an answer do
I just ask for one am i asking for so
much with you yeah yeah well I see this
how it works I ask for what I want if I
don’t get it then you’re unjust to me
but if you ask for you I don’t give it
to you you’re that’s interesting model
of the world that would make a person
very unhappy and trust no one because
that model the world’s based on only one
person’s needs who’s and whenever you
focus on yourself you’ll always be in
pain let me give you the secret to
depression in case you haven’t got it
down yet there’s only one way to be
depressed to stay depressed you must
focus continuously on yourself and what
you’re not getting and now for the final
tip if you want someone to give you a
specific emotion or feeling you have to
be willing to go first I know that
sounds a little bit confusing so let me
explain exactly what I mean
something I’ve learned over the years is
that you get back what you put out if
you want to feel fulfilled you have to
first put that energy out into the world
if you want to be happy you have to
first put that energy out into the world
and if you want to be loved
you have to put that energy out into the
world the same concept applies for every
emotion if you want people to be
vulnerable with you you have to be
vulnerable first when you share yourself
openly and honestly
it gives them permission to do it – I
started measuring and I said I’m living
a beautiful state no matter what
everyday now in order to do that I have
to do two things
hey I think knowledge that I’ve been
suffering and I need to figure out what
my favorite flavor of suffering it and I
played off of that with myself and I
thought frustrated and pissed off or
pretty useful for me in fact I realized
that my happiness was so cheap of all I
needed was this thing and I could lose
my happiness because Dean something cool
or games something not so cool you got
1200 poise what are the chances right
now
was doing something to screw up hey not
consciously they’re just not doing what
they’re supposed to do basically a 100%
chance and if I was near this I get
triggered my god and my happen is to
disappear so what it again say is I’m
going to be happy even if they screw up
I would be happy in there they lost the
million bucks I want to be happy for
like if I happen is just dependent upon
other people behaving a certain way the
way I want them to I’m pretty
influential guy but I’m not God hey and
everybody’s got their own things that
they’re doing I’m not gonna stay happy
and if I have to even make my heavensbee
so me behaving a perfect way every
moments not gonna happen
so I gave room for life in that connect
Tony opens himself up and admits that
he’s not always happy a lot of people
think that just because you’re a life
coach or a motivational speaker that
you’re almost not allowed to ever feel
down or depressed or sad Tony admits
that he is not always happy but this is
something that he is constantly working
on now here’s one more clip to drive
this point home and I remember I was so
frustrated because I was working 18-hour
days and nothing was working and I was
broke and I felt embarrassed you know I
should be doing better than this and so
I was driving home from Orange County on
the 57 freeway and st. Gabriel Valley
I’ve replaced by the Pomona California
Party’s not anybody I remember
specifically cuz I was almost midnight
and I was at this breaking point
and then I was like why am I not you
know doing better and then I just pulled
over the road nice to keep these
journals I still have a written journals
and I wrote big lines you know the
secret to living is giving nice turning
right and I realized I am so focused on
what am I not getting that’s the biggest
thing about what I’m giving Tony
displays full-on vulnerability in both
of these short clips now a lot of people
struggle with opening up and sharing
that emotional side for others
especially if it’s someone that you’re
not exactly comfortable with so I want
to give you advice to help you get
better at this you have to understand is
that when you first meet someone there’s
going to be a little bit of tension and
awkwardness if you let it be there
that’s why a general rule I like to
follow is to always assume familiarity
assume every person you talk to will
like you and wants to connect with you
you’ll be surprised at how much easier
it is to
build rapport with people once you
started doing this try that out and let
me know how it goes alright so those
were the three main things that I’ve
noticed that Tony does really well to
get people to like him to recap number
one make sure you smile and get people
strong eye contact this dissolves some
of the tension and makes people a lot
more comfortable around you tip number
two show genuine interest in people let
them know that you actually care about
the things they have to say number three
don’t discredit or criticize people’s
problems it’ll only make them not like
you and number four you get back what
you put out if you want someone to like
you you have to first give them that
feeling first thank you so much for
watching this video write down in the
comments let me know what your favorite
tip was and let me know who you want me
to break down next this was edit or some
next-level confidence and I’ll catch you
next time peace the most important word
ever if you had to think of one word
that’s most important to you or that
sums you up or that would become like a
little beacon if you liked this video
check out the breakdown Edwin did on how
to not care what people think about you
like Will Smith the link is right there
next to me I think you’ll enjoy it
continue to believe and I’ll see you
there one of the things people love him for is how he’s always himself
open up to you share their deepest
darkest secrets and have them love you
for it
any matter of minutes and not only get
them to like you but make it so you have
their trust and respect so you have the
leverage to change their lives if you
want to how cool would that be this is
something that Tony Robbins has mastered
in his 20-plus years of coaching and
speaking all around the world he’s been
able to help out millions of people so
they can live a happy and fulfilled life
but what is his secret
hey this is Edwin Torres and in this
video we’re gonna break down how to
build instant rapport and connection
with people just like Tony Robbins ready
let’s get started then the first thing I
want to point out is that if you want
people to like you it starts before you
even open your mouth I’d love to tell
you to never judge a book by its cover
right but it’s human nature to look at
someone and automatically categorize
them and put them in the boxes so
knowing that might as well use this to
your advantage for example look at Tony
Robbins a lot of people don’t know this
but he is a tall guy right he’s about
six seven which is the height of the
average NBA player a lot of people would
naturally he’ll blame him get
intimidated by such a large man but what
Tony does well is he knows how to give a
good first impression
this helps to ease the person he is
talking to and the only way to get
someone to open up to you is to first
make them comfortable and what’s an easy
way to do that it’s simple a smile boy I
like crazy how y’all doing how y’all
doing out there Dreamforce smiling takes
away the tension between you and the
person you’re talking to and if you’re
feeling relaxed and at ease a lot of
times you’ll transfer those feelings
onto them as well Tony is always smiling
and when he talks to you you feel his
energy
[Music]
welcome along it’s called heaven
fijian come on in you saw how he smiled
nice and wide when he opened the door
I’m not gonna lie I got a little bit
jealous that I couldn’t be there for the
tour too if you combined smiling with
strong eye contact you create this
bubble around you and the person you’re
talking to you that’s the secret to
becoming more magnetic great so now that
you know how to get people comfortable
around you how do you make it so they
let their guard down just a little bit
more an important thing Tony does is he
shows genuine interest in the other
person all right okay
so I’ve heard a little bit but just tell
me for real fast what if there’s one
concern you have what is it for you
anxiety anxiety and what tends to
trigger that I just I feel like I’m at
the point in my life where I need to
figure out what I’m doing with my life
like right now okay and so you that that
pressure inside is really married how
about for yourself air failure Glaus
okay and what causes that what triggers
that most for you um I’ve had losses in
life I’ve had losses as you know it from
my family and you know I’ve always been
really success oriented so like I always
want to exceed I’m kind of an
overachiever in a sense and if you don’t
it’s not consistent with your identity
so it creates it exactly as you saw in
that last clip Tony went to one by one
by one to each and every guest on the
dr. Oz Show and he asked him what was
the biggest problem that’s holding them
back if you notice his body language if
he noticed him asking follow-up
questions it shows that he is listening
to them and it shows that he genuinely
cares to help them out that is how you
build instant rapport and here’s another
clip where Tony helps a client to
transform her business
you can see how impressed she was by the
amount of effort that Tony put into
actually helping her out and to figure
out what her mental blocks were my only
piece for you is taking care of you so
that this journey you don’t look back
and have regrets right right and the
place that you have regret will probably
not be the business it will be in your
personal life his approach is personal
and it’s tailored which i think is
amazing I think that’s why he’s so
effective because he customizes to
whoever he’s interacting with I have no
question she can succeed in business my
concern was I could feel that below that
there’s this
lack of fulfillment and enjoyment even
though she’s busting her tail and my
goal in life is not only how people
achieve more Michaels helping people
have life on their turn if you read the
famous book how to win friends and
influence people it talks about how the
most important thing to us is it money
sex or success it’s actually ourselves
and when you don’t talk about yourself a
lot but instead make the other person
that you’re talking to seem like the
most interesting thing in the world
that’s how you get them to like you more
this is how you become more charming
when you put in real interest into
getting to know the person that you’re
talking to make sure you do that in your
next conversation let’s jump to the next
tip another way that Tony is able to
build rapport fast is that he is open
and honest with you so if you want to
know what does it take to take things to
the highest level what’s gonna take to
change my business permanently not
temporary you go home and you can
install some of these strategies skills
tactics tools insights and see a
significant change but if that change is
gonna be a lasting company of value that
keeps growing then the things you’ve
learned here have to become the standard
for your organization in Tony’s job he
has to dive to the core of what is
holding you back what is the main issue
that is stopping you from achieving
whatever it is you want to achieve he
doesn’t have time for politically
correct responses or just and this smart
talk that honestly doesn’t get you
anywhere he wants the real meat and
potatoes and what he does – stop – smart
talking to actually get to the root of
the problem is he will call out the
elephant in the room he is not afraid to
tell you what is on his mind so is in
the beginning phase when he was still
figuring things out he thought he said
well you know I I love her but in the
meantime I’m just gonna sleep around
until I really have the assurance that
she really loves me do other people do
that in fátima lubricant or la vida
normally I don’t see this is a normal
thing that he sleeps around he’s an
Italian man that sleeps around and
[Applause]
are you new I’m not saying it’s right
but I’m just saying is that not a
pattern in the culture is not the
president of the country around on a
regular basis and so you’re surprised
that a man that is not yet have your
total commitment to him would actually
engage in sexual relations with other
women I was pregnant with this child yes
Oh Jean Franco’s on Franco’s on Franco’s
on Franco I’m reacting me mean you’d get
from this point on in that clip you saw
how Tony was not afraid to call out both
people for their BS he doesn’t care who
you are how much money you make what
your level of influence is or who you
know if you need to hear something
that’s going to help you fix your
problem he won’t let you know what it is
this is important because people respect
you more when you are authentic and
truthful but what Tony doesn’t do and
this might be even more crucial that you
pay attention to is that he never diss
credits or disrespects the problem that
you’re bringing up he is extremely
empathetic and he is aware that from
your and this issue is having a real
effect on you and is holding you down so
he’ll never make fun of that but he will
call you out if he feels I will help you
fix your situation
that’s the slight distinction you have
to make I want you to notice something
watch this what should your father have
done what should he have done you should
have what you should have given me
attention he should stop what he’s doing
and give you attention yeah because he I
asked for it see see so that’s how it
works okay whip out a breast I asked him
for sandwich I said whip out one of your
breasts I’d like to see one of your
[Laughter]
I’m asking for one it’s not an answer do
I just ask for one am i asking for so
much with you yeah yeah well I see this
how it works I ask for what I want if I
don’t get it then you’re unjust to me
but if you ask for you I don’t give it
to you you’re that’s interesting model
of the world that would make a person
very unhappy and trust no one because
that model the world’s based on only one
person’s needs who’s and whenever you
focus on yourself you’ll always be in
pain let me give you the secret to
depression in case you haven’t got it
down yet there’s only one way to be
depressed to stay depressed you must
focus continuously on yourself and what
you’re not getting and now for the final
tip if you want someone to give you a
specific emotion or feeling you have to
be willing to go first I know that
sounds a little bit confusing so let me
explain exactly what I mean
something I’ve learned over the years is
that you get back what you put out if
you want to feel fulfilled you have to
first put that energy out into the world
if you want to be happy you have to
first put that energy out into the world
and if you want to be loved
you have to put that energy out into the
world the same concept applies for every
emotion if you want people to be
vulnerable with you you have to be
vulnerable first when you share yourself
openly and honestly
it gives them permission to do it – I
started measuring and I said I’m living
a beautiful state no matter what
everyday now in order to do that I have
to do two things
hey I think knowledge that I’ve been
suffering and I need to figure out what
my favorite flavor of suffering it and I
played off of that with myself and I
thought frustrated and pissed off or
pretty useful for me in fact I realized
that my happiness was so cheap of all I
needed was this thing and I could lose
my happiness because Dean something cool
or games something not so cool you got
1200 poise what are the chances right
now
was doing something to screw up hey not
consciously they’re just not doing what
they’re supposed to do basically a 100%
chance and if I was near this I get
triggered my god and my happen is to
disappear so what it again say is I’m
going to be happy even if they screw up
I would be happy in there they lost the
million bucks I want to be happy for
like if I happen is just dependent upon
other people behaving a certain way the
way I want them to I’m pretty
influential guy but I’m not God hey and
everybody’s got their own things that
they’re doing I’m not gonna stay happy
and if I have to even make my heavensbee
so me behaving a perfect way every
moments not gonna happen
so I gave room for life in that connect
Tony opens himself up and admits that
he’s not always happy a lot of people
think that just because you’re a life
coach or a motivational speaker that
you’re almost not allowed to ever feel
down or depressed or sad Tony admits
that he is not always happy but this is
something that he is constantly working
on now here’s one more clip to drive
this point home and I remember I was so
frustrated because I was working 18-hour
days and nothing was working and I was
broke and I felt embarrassed you know I
should be doing better than this and so
I was driving home from Orange County on
the 57 freeway and st. Gabriel Valley
I’ve replaced by the Pomona California
Party’s not anybody I remember
specifically cuz I was almost midnight
and I was at this breaking point
and then I was like why am I not you
know doing better and then I just pulled
over the road nice to keep these
journals I still have a written journals
and I wrote big lines you know the
secret to living is giving nice turning
right and I realized I am so focused on
what am I not getting that’s the biggest
thing about what I’m giving Tony
displays full-on vulnerability in both
of these short clips now a lot of people
struggle with opening up and sharing
that emotional side for others
especially if it’s someone that you’re
not exactly comfortable with so I want
to give you advice to help you get
better at this you have to understand is
that when you first meet someone there’s
going to be a little bit of tension and
awkwardness if you let it be there
that’s why a general rule I like to
follow is to always assume familiarity
assume every person you talk to will
like you and wants to connect with you
you’ll be surprised at how much easier
it is to
build rapport with people once you
started doing this try that out and let
me know how it goes alright so those
were the three main things that I’ve
noticed that Tony does really well to
get people to like him to recap number
one make sure you smile and get people
strong eye contact this dissolves some
of the tension and makes people a lot
more comfortable around you tip number
two show genuine interest in people let
them know that you actually care about
the things they have to say number three
don’t discredit or criticize people’s
problems it’ll only make them not like
you and number four you get back what
you put out if you want someone to like
you you have to first give them that
feeling first thank you so much for
watching this video write down in the
comments let me know what your favorite
tip was and let me know who you want me
to break down next this was edit or some
next-level confidence and I’ll catch you
next time peace the most important word
ever if you had to think of one word
that’s most important to you or that
sums you up or that would become like a
little beacon if you liked this video
check out the breakdown Edwin did on how
to not care what people think about you
like Will Smith the link is right there
next to me I think you’ll enjoy it
continue to believe and I’ll see you
there one of the things people love him for is how he’s always himself
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