my everyday in which your work can be
improved and above all know your boss
he’s the customer treat him with the
respect care and courtesy and humor he
deserves remember that he pays all of
your bills every month he will buy
everything you will ever own he maybe of
course crude coarse ignorant selfish
conniving and a thoroughgoing Savage he
often will be and here it’s more
important that you treated with all the
care and attention you can muster if you
don’t and if you permit his attitude to
affect yours you’re admitting that he’s
the stronger person if you respond the
same way he conducts himself you’re
admitting you’re no better than he is
but most people are nice people they’re
people like you and me who want to be
liked you want to get along who want to
be friends they have problems and
sorrows of their own of which were not
aware and they have bad days and
disappointments make sure that the time
they’re with you is a high spot in their
day and they don’t want to come back not
just because of your company but because
of you not trying to make any waves you
see there are some people who will come
through the universe in their level of
contribution and the level of energy
they manifest is so small so
inconspicuous that when they go you
won’t even know they left
I mean there people die on jobs and just
ain’t where’s young Oh jumping dead 6
miles
you’re kidding I guess we did but there
are some people because of their
personality because of their
contribution because of their the
investment of their time and their
energy and the impact they have their
that when they go everybody will miss
them so when Mother Teresa checks out
everybody will know when Rosa Parks
everybody will know Nelson Mandela
everybody will know what because of
their contribution see but there’s some
people because their contribution is so
small no one will care something before
you are boxed and buried decide that
you’re going to box and bury your fears
decide that you’re going to begin to
live life on a new level seeking out new
horizons that you’re gonna find more
love and more joy and more ways to give
more to life God said something I love
this he says everything a man does for
himself
guess what he takes with him but
everything he does for others he leaves
behind
so when you begin to say what is it that
I want to leave what contribution that I
want to begin to make what difference do
I want to make in life what is it that I
want to do with the rest of the life
that I have laughs what what chances I
need to take what risks do I need to
begin to embrace what fears do I need to
step on what areas of my life am i dead
right now what dream
you can even live your dreams or live
your fears you have got to get to a
point where you say I’m sick and tired
of living like this there’s gotta be
more let’s see that’s when people go out
and strike out on their dreams
thinking it’s so superior and when
knowledge is so positive and my logic so
wise until it clashes with the mentality
which is down here and I’m up there by
me being so high
I can see once if father knew and you
looking at me send you on a job making
60 70 pounds a week the country not
known in his own neighborhood Ali don’t
do it but I’m in such a high level until
I don’t think like you I’m not like you
I’m not saying you don’t mean that in
your person but you’re not but you know
why they say that
thanks for the possible reasons they
have fear and they are wearing looks
looks dangerous to them that’s not
really they’re dangerous to me none of
us would want to work for a company or
invest our money in a company that
didn’t have a very viable restriction
development department that is pumping a
good percentage of its profits back into
research and development because its
future depends on it but so does immense
and you might ask yourself how much you
bet on take-home pay have you spent
during the past year for materials
calculated to make you smarter this year
than you were a year before calculated
to make you a little better
what a bigger is a human being there
perhaps would love a little more and
heat a little less and do a little
better job than you did a year ago how
much money are you pumping back into
yourself in your future so a friend of
mine and I we went for a run in Central
Park the Roadrunners organization on the
weekends they host races and it’s very
common at the end of the race they’ll
have a sponsor who will give away
something apples or bagels or something
and on this particular day when we got
to the end of the run there were some
free bagels and they had picnic tables
set up and on one side was a group of
volunteers on the table were boxes of
bagels and on the other side was a long
line of runners waiting to get their
free bagel so I said to my friend let’s
let’s get a bagel and he looked at me
and said that lines too long and I said
free bagel and he said I don’t want to
wait in line and I was like free bagel
and he says not let’s it’s too long and
that’s when I realized that there’s two
ways to see the world some people see
the thing that they want and some people
see the thing that prevents them from
getting the thing that they want I could
only see the bagels he could only see
the line and so I walked up to the line
I leaned in between two people put my
hand in the box
and pulled out two bagels and no one get
mad at me because the rule is you can go
after whatever you want
you just cannot deny anyone else to go
after whatever they want
now I had to sacrifice choice I didn’t
get to choose which bagel I got I got
whatever I pulled out but I didn’t have
to wait in line so the point is is you
don’t have to wait in line you don’t
have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can
break the rules you just can’t get in
the way of somebody else getting what
they want
well now that we can see how short life
really can be what are you gonna do with
the rest of your life
that’s a trigger that’s the biggest
trigger that I have ever experienced
what are you gonna do the rest of your
life and what I had to do is I had to
start taking some of my own advice I
have been telling people I had written
about it for a very long time that if
you’re doing something that you’re not
totally committed to if you’re doing
something that you’re not totally
passionate about you’re compromising
yourself every day there was a former
Undersecretary of Defense who was
invited to give a speech at a large
conference about a thousand people and
he was standing on the stage with his
cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup
giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip
of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he
went off-script and he said you know
last year I spoke at this exact same
conference last year I was still the
undersecretary and when I spoke here
last year they flew me here business
class and when I arrived at the airport
there was somebody waiting for me to
take me to my hotel and they took me to
my hotel and they had already checked me
in and they just took me up to my room
and the next morning I came downstairs
and there was someone waiting in the
lobby to greet me and they drove me to
this here same venue they took me
through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a
coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful
ceramic cup he says I’m no longer the
undersecretary I flew here coach I took
a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself
in when I came down the lobby this
morning I took another taxi to this
venue I came in the front door and found
my way backstage and when I asked
someone do you have any coffee he
pointed to the coffee machine in the
corner and I poured myself a cup of
coffee into this here Styrofoam cup
he says the lesson is the ceramic cup
was never
meant for me it was meant for the
position I held I deserve a Styrofoam
cup remember this as you gain Fame as
you gain fortune as you gain position
and seniority people will treat you
better they will hold doors open for you
they will get you a cup of tea and
coffee without you even asking they will
call you sir and ma’am and they will
give you stuff none of that stuff is
meant for you that stuff is meant for
the position you hold it is meant for
the level that you have achieved of
leader or success or whatever you want
to call it but you will always deserve a
Styrofoam cup remember that remember
that lesson of humility and gratitude
you can accept all the free stuff you
can accept all the perks absolutely you
can enjoy them but just be grateful for
them and know that they’re not for you I
remember getting off the Acela I took
the Acela from New York to Washington DC
and I got off the train like everybody
else and I was walking down the platform
like everyone else and I walked past
general norty Schwartz who used to be
the chief of staff of the United States
Air Force the head of the Air Force and
here I did you see a guy in a suit
slapping his own suitcase down the
platform just like me and just a couple
months ago he was flying on private jets
and a tan entourage and other people
carried his light luggage but he no
longer held the position and so now he
got to drag his own suitcase and never
did it sort of remind me more that none
of us deserve the perks that we get we
all deserve a Styrofoam cup
baby steps count to as long as you’re
going forward and one day you had all
those baby steps up in you might be
surprised at where you can get to but
more importantly I remember something my
mom used to see to me every day she
would say son
the cavalry ain’t coming you got to do
this yourself ain’t no backup okay and
we put those two things together man it
wasn’t as hard to keep going forward as
you might think my parents well
Christian and I hated God hates a strong
word and I hated him that’s why they
what did I do to deserve his kids are
picking on me at school they deserved
not to have no arms and legs no me so I
read about this God was a God of love
Yeah right
God has a plan yeah right
God is not partial No
so it took me a journey I asked him why
why was I born this way and it was seven
years later from age 8 told ton my mum
took me that I wanted to commit suicide
was 15 years old actually 7 years later
that I wrote a story in this book the
Bible and there was a man who was born
blind and no one knew why he was born
that way and I’m like Bing Wow
pretty similar to something I know of
why well he said so that the display of
God and his power can be strength it can
be seen and displayed and I didn’t even
read on I didn’t even read on a 15 I I
heard about miracles and I didn’t know
where my miracle was I’m not against
miracles I’ve actually seen blind people
seeing deaf people hearing lame people
walking I’ve actually had a had a
miracle in my back I’ll say new MRI
scans if you wish but I’m about to get a
doctor’s official report of an
unexplainable healing in my spinal cord
it was Halloween my 19 I was at 19 my
orthopedic surgeon said he’s gonna have
to put rods in my back by 35 years old
and I’ll be bedridden for the rest of my
life and I didn’t want to hear that so I
didn’t want to hear anything about it at
a halt at the top of my spine about an
inch or something in a hole at the
bottom of my spine it was irreversible
incurable and when to go back for an MRI
scan because I started getting numbing
of my nerves and my muscles because the
pinching of my spine of a 55 degree
curve in my back scoliosis so I went
back to MRI scan and guess what the top
hole is gone the bottom hole has just
got a little pinhole left and I’ve got a
pair of shoes in my closet just in case
and I’m not joking now what happened was
at 15 I said you know what if you had a
plan for the blind man then you got a
plane for me where that means you give
me arms legs or not I trust you because
he saved me from something else much
worse than having no arms no legs and
that’s the belief that Jesus did die for
my sins
and I don’t have to die for mine I will
plead guilty of having other idols
before me misusing the Lord’s name in
vain not keeping the Sabbath day holy
not honoring my parents killing people
I’m a murderer by God’s standard because
I hate people that’s the Bible what it
says so I’ve hated people so I’m gonna
plead guilty to any one of those so
knowing now that I have been forgiven
and I’m a work in progress not perfect
I’m a work in progress but forgiven and
have eternity I’d rather have 90 years
with no arms no legs and to see little
Daniel with no arms no legs here on
earth and come to heaven with this new
body and say Nick thank you for being my
older brother on earth if it’s only for
the one soul I’m thankful so that is the
truth in the closure and fullness of who
I am every girl is a princess
and I believe that God becomes like your
father and you’re his daughter daughter
to a king is a princess so you’re
royalty you were made for royalty you
are wearing a dress you may just be in a
wrong castle your value your purpose
your destiny your purpose is to love and
love destiny that’s for me so that’s my
story with that and everything else is
more in full in my book coming out on
the 26th of October so I encourage you
to get that to write where’s it’s gonna
be very good and we’re excited but I
want to thank you for the question I
want to thank you for your respect I
want to thank you though most of all for
your love I feel it I thank you for it
and it’s just being wonderful here I’ve
personally been inspired I’ve personally
been blessed so thank you guys and if
you want
no more just go to just Google Nick
voyage and you’ll find me love you guys
every decision we make in our lives as
individuals or as organizations is a
piece of communication it’s our way of
saying something about who we are and
what we believe this is why authenticity
matters this is why you have to say and
do the things you actually believe
because the things you say and do are
symbols of who you are and we look for
those symbols so we can find people who
believe what we believe our very
survival depends on it
so if you’re putting out false symbols
you will attract people to those symbols
but you won’t be able to form trust with
them this is what Tiger Woods did to us
he lied he lied he told us what he
thought we wanted to hear and it was
great and we were drawn to it and all of
us who kind of liked that idea of that
sort of the good guy who drawn to it
until we found out it was a lie he could
have been the bad boy of golf he could
have had all the same endorsements and
had a fantastic career and still been
hailed as one of the great athletes of
our day but he didn’t he chose to lie
good luck forming trust again tiger we
don’t believe you we don’t trust you the
goal of putting something out there if
you say what you believe and you do what
you believe you will attract people who
believe what you believe if you go to
one of your friends and you say to one
of your friends how would you like me to
dress so that you’ll like me better how
do you want me to address you how do you
want me to speak so that you’ll like me
more right your friends are gonna look
at you be like what are you talking
about
yeah come on come on come on what should
I wear so that you’ll find me more
appealing and how would you like me to
speak to you so that you’ll like me more
and your friends are gonna tell you just
be yourself that’s why I like you I
don’t just be yourself now think about
what we do in industry what do we do we
do market research and we go out and we
ask the customers what kind of things
the way we what style should we speak to
you how should we decorate ourselves
what kind of things are you drawn to so
that we can do those things do you like
us more it’s just as ridiculous it’s
just as ridiculous organisations should
say and do the things they actually
believe and they will attract people who
believe what they believe or they can
choose to lie and at the slightest hint
that they might be lying cynicism sets
in and people start saying I’m not sure
I can trust these guys because there’s
not a lot of consistency and all the
things they say and do which means they
can’t have a very strong belief set or
they’re lying to me and we call them
into authentic the entire process of
asking other people who we should be is
inauthentic that’s hilarious to me all
these positioning studies we do are
inherent we’re going to do a study to
find out from people so we can be more
authentic that’s hilarious
say and do what you actually believe and
the symbols you put out there the things
you say and the things you do those red
hats are ways that people can find you
what you have the ability to do as
designers is create those symbols and
allow people to use those things to say
something about who they are work for
companies work for clients work for
people who you believe what they believe
show up and feel a part of something
bigger than yourself and your part is to
put what they believe into pictures and
words and symbols and graphics so that
other people can use those things to say
something about who they are people put
harley-davidson logos on their body to
say something about who they are
corporate logo ain’t no Procter &
Gamble’s tattooed on anybody’s on
because Harley means something they
stand for something people put that
tattoo on they’re not to tell you that
they own a motorcycle
they put that tattoo there to tell you
something about themselves you ever see
anybody with a with a Mac laptop put a
sticker over that beautiful shining
Apple ain’t never gonna happen then how
will you know who I am
you ever see anybody with a PC break out
the Windex to clean out their computer
have you ever seen a dirty Mack doesn’t
exist does not exist why because it’s
Who I am
these are symbols we use the companies
that are crystal-clear and what they
believe and their discipline and how
they do it they’re consistent of what
they do and everything they say and
everything they do serves as a symbol of
the set of values and beliefs we use
those symbols to say something about who
we are we surround ourselves with the
people and the products and the brands
that say something about who we are and
when we can find the people who believe
what we believe were weirdly drawn to
them because our very survival depends
on it we need it and so the more you can
give of yourself the more you can give
of what you believe the more you can
discipline with discipline saying boo
and do the things you actually believe
strange things start to happen actually
tougher than you think
you never knew that and maybe you didn’t
want to take on the responsibility
because you know people play a role in
their own demise so to speak when you
had opportunity to go out and explore or
withdraw because you were afraid you
chose to withdraw because you were
afraid so it’s not only that you were
over protected often it’s that you were
willing to take advantage of the fact
that you were over protected and run
back there whenever you had the
opportunity you know so maybe you’re a
kid in the playground right and you’re
having some trouble with other kids and
you know in the back of your mind I
should deal this with deal with this
myself but you go and tell your mom and
get her to intervene and you know that
that’s not right you know that you’re
breaking the social contract but it’s
easier and so that’s what you do you run
off to an authority figure and hide
behind the Great Father right roughly
speaking well the problem with that is
you don’t learn how to do it yourself
so then you have to relearn it painfully
when you’re 40 so then you take people
out you say well what are you afraid of
rank it from 1 to 10 so 10 is make a
list of 10 things you’re afraid of the
least the thing you’re least afraid of
will call number 10 so we’ll start with
that
ok well I’m afraid of elevators ok well
let’s let’s look at a picture of an
elevator let’s have you imagine being in
an elevator let’s go out to an elevator
and let you watch
the terrible jaws of death open because
that’s how you’re responding to it
symbolically right and you’re gonna do
that at it at the the closest proximity
you can manage you find out you go do
that it works you’re nervous as hell
especially and from an anticipatory
perspective shaking you go out you stop
you watch it happen and you actually
calm down you do that ten times it no
longer bothers you well what you’ve
learned that you didn’t die but more
importantly than that you’ve learned
that you could withstand the threat of
death that’s what you’ve learned and
then you move a little closer and then
you move a little closer and then you
move a little closer and finally you’re
back in what’s no longer the elevator
from a symbolic perspective it’s a tomb
right it’s it’s it’s a place of
enclosure and isolation and you learn
hmm
turns out I can withstand that and then
you’re met much more together much more
confident and that’s often one of the
things that often happens in situations
like that I’ve seen this multiple times
is that if you run someone through an
exposure training process like that and
toughen them up they’ll often start
standing up to people around them in a
way they never did before
reasons come first answers come second
if you get a compelling vision and you
got strong enough reasons that will push
you through the tough times you’re gonna
do things other people don’t do instead
of collapsing even if you get off target
you won’t go oh I blew it you’ll get
right back on target and make the change
make things happen and I know you’ve
done this in many areas your life just
think about it again I’m not teaching
you something really new here today I
just want to remind you of what your
soul knows you got a change you got to
be proved and you’ve got to go through a
simple process fundamentally to make
that progress first step vision that’s
compelling second step make sure that
they’re strong enough reasons to follow
through third step you’ve got to review
it and feel it every day I mean anything
have you ever had this happen in your
life has there been anything in your
life that you’ve ever wanted so badly
you were so desirous of it yeah it’s
such a hunger for it that you couldn’t
stop thinking about it could be
and a career move could have been when
you’re a kid a car it could have been a
relationship it could have been anything
but you were obsessed you wanted to make
this happen you wanted to track this to
your life you wanna you just wanted
something and you didn’t even know how
to get it but it was so compelling to
you kept thinking about it every day and
visioning imagining it feeling it and
then stuff happened and suddenly you
started attract people or situations to
your life and it just came together like
you didn’t even have a total plan it was
just that it was so a part of your focus
with so much intensity and emotion so
often that it sensitized you to notice
anything that could get you there
there’s a part of your brain called the
reticular activating system for short we
call it the RAS that part of your brain
determines what you notice in the world
and it’s really important because when
you set a goal when you get really clear
in a vision they’re strong enough
reasons and you review it enough then it
becomes a part of you that part of your
brain says anything that relates to this
I need to notice it’s like did you ever
buy a certain kind of car or maybe a
certain outfit and suddenly you see that
car everywhere are those outfits
everywhere you know the cars were always
around but why do you see it now because
your Ras knows this is important this
was part of my world now similarly when
you really get clear and it’s compelling
and you’re reviewing it every day got
strong reasons you’re viewing it every
day and you’re feeling it the brain
becomes incredibly acute at noticing
anything to get you to move forward and
so that’s the power of this so you know
what do people do with a new year’s
resolution they come up with something
they kind of want it’s not a compelling
vision they don’t really have strong
enough reasons and they never review it
again and tell to notice that they broke
what they said they really want to have
make happen because they didn’t really
resolve if you resolve you got the
vision it’s compelling you review it
daily and you feel it you envision it
and you experience it simple as it
sounds now ultimately what is this
really about ultimately if you’re gonna
have lasting change in anything you’re
really talking about just raising your
standards I mean I always tell people if
you want to know how to change your life
and give it to you in three words boring
as it sounds raise your standards what
does that mean cortney’s it sounds raise
your standards I’ll thank you for the
breakthrough thought Tony I’m glad I
wasted my time watching this little
email if you
but think about it lasting change is
different than a goal you don’t always
get your goals but you always get your
standards maybe they’ll help you is to
think about it this way I try to explain
scanners to people with a different set
of words think of it as everybody in
life gets their must they don’t get
their shit right think about it
you must be above a list of sheds no
they don’t have a list of the sheds
things you should do you should follow
through on i I should lose some weight I
should work out more I should make more
calls I should respond more rapidly to
my email whatever you know I should get
into the office earlier I should be you
know more confident whatever your should
list is people love to have their should
list make me met but it’s kind of like
New Year’s resolutions if it does it’s
really exciting but if it doesn’t which
is most the time it’s a little
disappointing but you kind of know it’s
not gonna happen but when you decide
something as a must for you an absolute
must when you cut up any possible you
say I’m gonna find the way I’m gonna
make the way human beings when they
resolve things and they have make a real
resolution inside themselves which is
they raise the standard they make it a
must they find the way think about in
your own life happens you had some area
of your life where you raise your
standard and your life has never been
the same maybe at one time your life you
use smoke cigarettes or you did
something and you did it for years and
you kept trying to change it trying to
change it and kept telling yourself I
should and then one day something
happened something just clicked you over
something took you over that kind of
tipping point and inside yourself you
said no more it was a very very
different experience wasn’t it something
inside has shifted and what was a should
became a must and you’ve never gone back
is there an area like that in your life
you can think of again did you ever
smoke cigarettes did you ever eat a
certain way drink a certain form of
alcohol and then finally saying no more
and you just don’t go back and notice
this it doesn’t really take any
willpower anymore because somewhere when
we make this click we make something a
must we attach ourselves to it it
becomes part of our identity the one
thing I’ve learned in the last gosh 33
years they’re working with people from
now over 100 countries four million
people is human beings
absolutely follow through on who they
believe they are and you said said to me
well I’m really gonna work hard to stop
smoking but you know I’ve been a smoker
my whole life and I’m you know I am a
smoker I know your days are numbered
you’re gonna be back smoking cigarettes
again because we all act consistent with
who we believe we are
I tell people the strongest force in the
whole human personality is this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves
if you define yourself as somebody who
is really conservative you’re not gonna
be crazy and act nuts unless you’re
really drunk or something and then you
can say it’s the alcohol when it really
does you finally getting permission to
be yourself
the alcohols your excuse if you’re a
really crazy person you act crazy
outrageous playful you don’t act
conservative because that’s not who you
are very often people say well I can’t
do that I’m not that kind of person and
I always say to people really when did
you define yourself I mean really how
many years ago did you come up with what
you could and couldn’t do in your life
how many years ago most people if they
really look at how they’re living their
life today it’s based on a set of
standards a set of beliefs that they
made choices about 10 20 30 or more
years ago I mean very often we made
decisions in our youth or very young
about what to believe about what we were
capable of about who we are as a person
and that becomes the glass ceiling if
you will that controls us there’s a
corny metaphor but it’s true I remember
one time I was with my family at the
circus and there’s a person there and
they had this big giant elephant and you
look at this elephant and they take this
little rope put around the elephant’s
neck and they drive this stake into the
ground and I mean you look at this you
know that elephant could rip down the
entire tent
with almost no effort and yet the
elephant doesn’t struggle doesn’t try
why because the elephant’s conditioned
and they take that elephant conditioned
the elephant when it’s a baby elephant
that’s how they trained them when it’s a
little baby elephant and it doesn’t have
the power yet they put a big rope around
it and they drive this huge stake in the
ground and the elephant fights and
fights and fights and one day finally
that often decides I’m not capable of
pulling this out and once that becomes
the definition of an identity of any one
an elephant in this case they don’t even
try anymore
it’s just
Who I am that’s how it is that’s just
the way it is in my life I’d like to ask
you to take a look at any place you’ve
got a limitation ask yourself when did I
decide to accept that limitation and you
may not even see it as a limitation you
might see there just that’s who I am but
so often our lives leave adapted to be a
certain way so that we don’t fail or so
that people will like us or respect us
but it’s not necessarily who we are joy
comes when you’re spontaneous it’s
really hard to be truly happy when
you’re not being yourself and most of us
have no clue who we are and so a big
part of my work if you’ve ever been to
an event you know is to get people to do
things spontaneously without thinking
because that’s when the real you shows
up that’s when the energy comes alive
and when you do that when you start to
connect your true nature suddenly
there’s energy available for you to set
a higher standard for what you want in
your life that’s what this is really all
about and when I talk about standards
when I talk about you know shoulds
versus muss think about your own life I
know there have been areas in your life
where some point in time you just shift
it and you raise the standard in your
life change because whatever people have
their identity attached to they live we
live who we believe we are that’s just
how it works it’s just kind of like I
give an example look at your physical
body your physical body today is an
absolute reflection of only one thing
not your goals not your desires but your
standards the identity you have for
yourself if your standard is you’re an
athlete then there’s a certain amount of
strength a muscle tone and energy that’s
available in your body on a regular
basis because that’s who you are and so
you do whatever’s necessary to maintain
that identity again the strongest force
and the human personalities this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves because if you don’t know who
you are you would not act once you lock
in on that identity your brain finds a
way to keep you there if you say you
and I’m overweight I’ve always been
overweight I’m big-boned and that’s the
story you’ve got and you’re gonna always
find a way to get back there that’s
you’re settling point that’s your
identity that’s where things lock in if
you see somebody who’s a really great
shape you ask him do you work out you
know the answer yes how often and
they’ll tell you three times four times
five times a week whatever in a seminar
last people who here works out at least
five days a week and I’m stand-up and
you look around that room and you know
that they work out five times a week as
you can see their body you don’t just
get a result without some kind of action
without some form of ritual ritual
meaning actions you do consistently now
do you think here those people that are
out there working out five days a week
do they have more time than you do or I
have for anybody else of course not is
that a wife less busy of course not it’s
just a must for them they must work out
that way and they’ve made that turn
their life changed so I’m not saying you
have to work out five days a week I’m
just saying whatever you really want
once don’t get met consistently
standards do whatever you identify this
is Who I am and so it’s not so much
about changing your identity as there’s
expanding it you know deciding that you
know instead of your goals to lose ten
pounds which is not compelling what if
your vision was to get back to my
fighting weight you know just this year
this month this next 90 days I’m gonna
transform my body I’m gonna take on a
new challenge I’m gonna find some
technique or strategy there’s a million
of them that can reframe myself or I
want to feel younger stronger more
vibrant than ever before here’s my
reasons because I want the energy to
really make my life work because it’s
tough out there and I want to be
stronger than I’ve ever been before you
concentrate solely on your career you
can get a long way in your career and I
would say that that’s a strategy that a
minority of men preferentially do that
that’s all they do they worked like 70
80 hours a week they go flat out on
their career they’re staking everything
on small probability of exceptional
status in a narrow domain but it’s it’s
hard on them they don’t have a life it’s
very difficult for them to have a family
they don’t know how to take any leisure
activity like they get very
one-dimensional now it may be that that
unit dimensionality is the price you
have to pay to be exceptional at one
right because if you’re gonna be
something like a genius level
mathematician and you want to do that
for a scientist say it’s like you’re in
your lab you’re in your lab all the time
you’re working 70 hours a week or 80
hours a week you’re smart you’re
dedicated your unit dimensional and
that’s how you get to beat all the other
people who are doing that it’s the only
way but the problem is you don’t get a
life now if you love being a scientist
and you have that kind of focus of mind
well first of all you’re a rare person
and second you’re gonna pay for it but
find more power to you but but it’s a
it’s a risky business to do that you
sacrifice a lot for it you know and I
would say most often if you’re speaking
about having a healthy life that isn’t
what you do you spread yourself out more
so you know you have a family you have
some things that you do outside of work
that are meaningful to you and useful
you you have a network of friends that
that those three things a loner four
things alone are plenty to keep you well
oriented and then if one of those things
collapses
you know everything doesn’t go now the
price you pay for that is the more you
strive to optimize that balance the less
likely you are to be fantastically
successful at any single one of them but
you might have a very you know if you
consider your life as a whole that might
be a winning strategy
most people’s standard is to pay their
bills so that’s what most people find a
way to do even when economic times get
tough most people if that’s their
absolute standard to find a way some
people’s standard is pay their bills and
most of the time and so most of the time
they do some people standard is not just
to pay their bills but to take care of
their family and maybe even some of
their friends and they find a way in
fact you know if some people may be in a
family where they don’t have enough
money to barely have money to pay their
bills they work through guts out and
then somebody their mother their father
or somebody else their sister gets ill
and there’s not enough money to take
care of it nobody else has money in
family they don’t either but they find a
way to get that money to take care of
their mother or father don’t they and
they their bells they never could do it
before why the situation made them raise
their own standard and not everybody
does that somebody else in the family
might have money and still don’t take
care of their mother it all comes down
to the inner game my friends changing
your life is a change in the inner game
the outside world you can’t control but
you have absolute control over this one
if you learn that dynamics of what
shapes you and identity is one of those
simple clear fundamental basics that if
you start to shift it everything else
will shift in your life as well some
people by the way have to have more than
enough money to do what they want when
they want where they want with whomever
they want contribute the way they want
if that’s there must they find a way I
know that sounds overly simplistic but
it’s true now somebody once said you can
take all the money in the world out of
the hands of everybody out of all the
wealthy people in the world who are
really successful give it other people
it wouldn’t take too long those people
have it back in their hands it’s not
because they’re manipular it’s because
they have a standard some are manipular
don’t get me wrong but they’ve got a
standard of what they’re gonna find a
way to make happen I’m just simply
saying to you take those three magic
words and live them raise your standard
if you really want to do it then I’ll
tell you the most important secret have
you ever done this have you ever told
yourself you’re raising your standard
okay I’m gonna go make this happen
I’m gonna go make this much money I’m
gonna transform my kids I’m gonna create
the ultimate relationship of my life I’m
gonna transform my body whatever it
and then you don’t have strong enough
reasons and you don’t lose use it you
don’t follow through it’s because you
didn’t back up your standards with what
makes those standards real and that’s
rituals rituals all of the power is
whenever we do our Robbins results
coaching you know is it Robbins equals
results late we get results with people
it’s the same way if you listen to my
ultimate edge program are back in the
old days personal power or if you went
to one of my seminars you know what I do
is I take these huge challenges you got
and we break them down into little
bite-sized steps little things you do
each day that after you do them you get
so much momentum that it’s easy to
succeed you’re not overwhelmed you have
these victory day after day after day on
little things if you’d went to ultimate
edge I’m sure you learned about the hour
of power or the 15 minutes to be able to
be fulfilled or 30 minutes to thrive
where he literally just conditioned your
body and emotion with a couple little
rituals so it doesn’t matter what’s
going on in your world you feel that
strength and it’s not fake it’s not some
pump up it’s coming from inside you and
it works rituals define us see all the
results in your life are coming from
your rituals they start with a standard
and then have rituals that follow it up
like for example if you are where you
want to be physically you have very
different rituals than if you’re not
where you want to be physically if
you’re overweight you and I both know
you got a different ritual than if
you’re physically fit completely
different you get up in the morning
what’s the first thing you do if you’re
fed your shoes are there you roll over
the minute how you feel you put on your
shoes you lace and you start walking or
whatever that ritual is if you’re
overweight you roll over and you have a
very different ritual you might roll
over several times to turn the alarm
clock off you go in and get your mocha
mocha whatever you know special coffee
stop by at Starbucks or over the case
maybe you have your nice sugar muffin
you know it’s supposed to be really nice
for you whatever you do it’s a different
ritual if you have a great passionate
relationship you have very different
rituals and how you come home than if
you have a lousy relationship you come
home and the first thing you do is
you’re tweeting somebody or you’re
emailing or flipping on the news or you
don’t even come home and what are the
rituals whenever I study people that are
successful while I look for is what’s
the standard they hold himself to
and then what are all those little
rituals that up because think about it
success and failure are not giant events
they don’t just show up you don’t just
suddenly become successful or suddenly
have this cataclysmic event that makes
you fail may look that way but failure
comes from all the little things
it’s failure to make the call its
failure to check the books its failure
to say I’m sorry its failure to push
yourself to do things physically that
you don’t want to do and all those
little failures day after day come
together until one day some Cataclysm
event happens you blame Matt that event
happened because you missed all the
little stuff do you agree with me and
success by the way is not some overnight
event it’s all these little things
success is having a vision success is
making it compelling success is really
seeing it feeling it every day was
strong enough reasons success is feeling
the sense that I’m here to grow and I’m
here to give to something to the world
more than just myself success is caring
about other people success is calling
and saying I love you in the middle of
the day for no damn reason or sending a
note that will change your relationship
have a ritual of something funny playful
or a surprise you do how many
relationships are dead today because
they have no surprise rituals anymore
you need to have some rituals some cool
things you do that nobody else does that
gives you a better life than anybody
else has all the little stuff that’s
where success comes from in business it
comes from delivering more than anybody
could imagine all those little things
add up people go wow that’s who I want
to do business with it’s true in any
area of your life so if you look at
somebody’s really successful you think
wow I mean they’re so amazing there’s
such a genius you kind of dig underneath
you got to remember something people are
rewarded in public for what they’ve
practiced for years in private myself
and my business people say how are you
get up and speaking of nono-chan you go
for three days and nights and the room
is like it he’s wired and it’s
incredible it’s like a rock concert how
do you do that how do you get that
confidence home and you know it’s not
confidence it’s experience now but I did
so much behind the scenes and I still do
to make things right I mean how many
people would know that since the time I
was 17 years old before I walk on stage
still do to this
they wouldn’t need to do it but I still
do it I never walk out there without being in an absolute peak state of mine
improved and above all know your boss
he’s the customer treat him with the
respect care and courtesy and humor he
deserves remember that he pays all of
your bills every month he will buy
everything you will ever own he maybe of
course crude coarse ignorant selfish
conniving and a thoroughgoing Savage he
often will be and here it’s more
important that you treated with all the
care and attention you can muster if you
don’t and if you permit his attitude to
affect yours you’re admitting that he’s
the stronger person if you respond the
same way he conducts himself you’re
admitting you’re no better than he is
but most people are nice people they’re
people like you and me who want to be
liked you want to get along who want to
be friends they have problems and
sorrows of their own of which were not
aware and they have bad days and
disappointments make sure that the time
they’re with you is a high spot in their
day and they don’t want to come back not
just because of your company but because
of you not trying to make any waves you
see there are some people who will come
through the universe in their level of
contribution and the level of energy
they manifest is so small so
inconspicuous that when they go you
won’t even know they left
I mean there people die on jobs and just
ain’t where’s young Oh jumping dead 6
miles
you’re kidding I guess we did but there
are some people because of their
personality because of their
contribution because of their the
investment of their time and their
energy and the impact they have their
that when they go everybody will miss
them so when Mother Teresa checks out
everybody will know when Rosa Parks
everybody will know Nelson Mandela
everybody will know what because of
their contribution see but there’s some
people because their contribution is so
small no one will care something before
you are boxed and buried decide that
you’re going to box and bury your fears
decide that you’re going to begin to
live life on a new level seeking out new
horizons that you’re gonna find more
love and more joy and more ways to give
more to life God said something I love
this he says everything a man does for
himself
guess what he takes with him but
everything he does for others he leaves
behind
so when you begin to say what is it that
I want to leave what contribution that I
want to begin to make what difference do
I want to make in life what is it that I
want to do with the rest of the life
that I have laughs what what chances I
need to take what risks do I need to
begin to embrace what fears do I need to
step on what areas of my life am i dead
right now what dream
you can even live your dreams or live
your fears you have got to get to a
point where you say I’m sick and tired
of living like this there’s gotta be
more let’s see that’s when people go out
and strike out on their dreams
thinking it’s so superior and when
knowledge is so positive and my logic so
wise until it clashes with the mentality
which is down here and I’m up there by
me being so high
I can see once if father knew and you
looking at me send you on a job making
60 70 pounds a week the country not
known in his own neighborhood Ali don’t
do it but I’m in such a high level until
I don’t think like you I’m not like you
I’m not saying you don’t mean that in
your person but you’re not but you know
why they say that
thanks for the possible reasons they
have fear and they are wearing looks
looks dangerous to them that’s not
really they’re dangerous to me none of
us would want to work for a company or
invest our money in a company that
didn’t have a very viable restriction
development department that is pumping a
good percentage of its profits back into
research and development because its
future depends on it but so does immense
and you might ask yourself how much you
bet on take-home pay have you spent
during the past year for materials
calculated to make you smarter this year
than you were a year before calculated
to make you a little better
what a bigger is a human being there
perhaps would love a little more and
heat a little less and do a little
better job than you did a year ago how
much money are you pumping back into
yourself in your future so a friend of
mine and I we went for a run in Central
Park the Roadrunners organization on the
weekends they host races and it’s very
common at the end of the race they’ll
have a sponsor who will give away
something apples or bagels or something
and on this particular day when we got
to the end of the run there were some
free bagels and they had picnic tables
set up and on one side was a group of
volunteers on the table were boxes of
bagels and on the other side was a long
line of runners waiting to get their
free bagel so I said to my friend let’s
let’s get a bagel and he looked at me
and said that lines too long and I said
free bagel and he said I don’t want to
wait in line and I was like free bagel
and he says not let’s it’s too long and
that’s when I realized that there’s two
ways to see the world some people see
the thing that they want and some people
see the thing that prevents them from
getting the thing that they want I could
only see the bagels he could only see
the line and so I walked up to the line
I leaned in between two people put my
hand in the box
and pulled out two bagels and no one get
mad at me because the rule is you can go
after whatever you want
you just cannot deny anyone else to go
after whatever they want
now I had to sacrifice choice I didn’t
get to choose which bagel I got I got
whatever I pulled out but I didn’t have
to wait in line so the point is is you
don’t have to wait in line you don’t
have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can
break the rules you just can’t get in
the way of somebody else getting what
they want
well now that we can see how short life
really can be what are you gonna do with
the rest of your life
that’s a trigger that’s the biggest
trigger that I have ever experienced
what are you gonna do the rest of your
life and what I had to do is I had to
start taking some of my own advice I
have been telling people I had written
about it for a very long time that if
you’re doing something that you’re not
totally committed to if you’re doing
something that you’re not totally
passionate about you’re compromising
yourself every day there was a former
Undersecretary of Defense who was
invited to give a speech at a large
conference about a thousand people and
he was standing on the stage with his
cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup
giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip
of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he
went off-script and he said you know
last year I spoke at this exact same
conference last year I was still the
undersecretary and when I spoke here
last year they flew me here business
class and when I arrived at the airport
there was somebody waiting for me to
take me to my hotel and they took me to
my hotel and they had already checked me
in and they just took me up to my room
and the next morning I came downstairs
and there was someone waiting in the
lobby to greet me and they drove me to
this here same venue they took me
through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a
coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful
ceramic cup he says I’m no longer the
undersecretary I flew here coach I took
a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself
in when I came down the lobby this
morning I took another taxi to this
venue I came in the front door and found
my way backstage and when I asked
someone do you have any coffee he
pointed to the coffee machine in the
corner and I poured myself a cup of
coffee into this here Styrofoam cup
he says the lesson is the ceramic cup
was never
meant for me it was meant for the
position I held I deserve a Styrofoam
cup remember this as you gain Fame as
you gain fortune as you gain position
and seniority people will treat you
better they will hold doors open for you
they will get you a cup of tea and
coffee without you even asking they will
call you sir and ma’am and they will
give you stuff none of that stuff is
meant for you that stuff is meant for
the position you hold it is meant for
the level that you have achieved of
leader or success or whatever you want
to call it but you will always deserve a
Styrofoam cup remember that remember
that lesson of humility and gratitude
you can accept all the free stuff you
can accept all the perks absolutely you
can enjoy them but just be grateful for
them and know that they’re not for you I
remember getting off the Acela I took
the Acela from New York to Washington DC
and I got off the train like everybody
else and I was walking down the platform
like everyone else and I walked past
general norty Schwartz who used to be
the chief of staff of the United States
Air Force the head of the Air Force and
here I did you see a guy in a suit
slapping his own suitcase down the
platform just like me and just a couple
months ago he was flying on private jets
and a tan entourage and other people
carried his light luggage but he no
longer held the position and so now he
got to drag his own suitcase and never
did it sort of remind me more that none
of us deserve the perks that we get we
all deserve a Styrofoam cup
baby steps count to as long as you’re
going forward and one day you had all
those baby steps up in you might be
surprised at where you can get to but
more importantly I remember something my
mom used to see to me every day she
would say son
the cavalry ain’t coming you got to do
this yourself ain’t no backup okay and
we put those two things together man it
wasn’t as hard to keep going forward as
you might think my parents well
Christian and I hated God hates a strong
word and I hated him that’s why they
what did I do to deserve his kids are
picking on me at school they deserved
not to have no arms and legs no me so I
read about this God was a God of love
Yeah right
God has a plan yeah right
God is not partial No
so it took me a journey I asked him why
why was I born this way and it was seven
years later from age 8 told ton my mum
took me that I wanted to commit suicide
was 15 years old actually 7 years later
that I wrote a story in this book the
Bible and there was a man who was born
blind and no one knew why he was born
that way and I’m like Bing Wow
pretty similar to something I know of
why well he said so that the display of
God and his power can be strength it can
be seen and displayed and I didn’t even
read on I didn’t even read on a 15 I I
heard about miracles and I didn’t know
where my miracle was I’m not against
miracles I’ve actually seen blind people
seeing deaf people hearing lame people
walking I’ve actually had a had a
miracle in my back I’ll say new MRI
scans if you wish but I’m about to get a
doctor’s official report of an
unexplainable healing in my spinal cord
it was Halloween my 19 I was at 19 my
orthopedic surgeon said he’s gonna have
to put rods in my back by 35 years old
and I’ll be bedridden for the rest of my
life and I didn’t want to hear that so I
didn’t want to hear anything about it at
a halt at the top of my spine about an
inch or something in a hole at the
bottom of my spine it was irreversible
incurable and when to go back for an MRI
scan because I started getting numbing
of my nerves and my muscles because the
pinching of my spine of a 55 degree
curve in my back scoliosis so I went
back to MRI scan and guess what the top
hole is gone the bottom hole has just
got a little pinhole left and I’ve got a
pair of shoes in my closet just in case
and I’m not joking now what happened was
at 15 I said you know what if you had a
plan for the blind man then you got a
plane for me where that means you give
me arms legs or not I trust you because
he saved me from something else much
worse than having no arms no legs and
that’s the belief that Jesus did die for
my sins
and I don’t have to die for mine I will
plead guilty of having other idols
before me misusing the Lord’s name in
vain not keeping the Sabbath day holy
not honoring my parents killing people
I’m a murderer by God’s standard because
I hate people that’s the Bible what it
says so I’ve hated people so I’m gonna
plead guilty to any one of those so
knowing now that I have been forgiven
and I’m a work in progress not perfect
I’m a work in progress but forgiven and
have eternity I’d rather have 90 years
with no arms no legs and to see little
Daniel with no arms no legs here on
earth and come to heaven with this new
body and say Nick thank you for being my
older brother on earth if it’s only for
the one soul I’m thankful so that is the
truth in the closure and fullness of who
I am every girl is a princess
and I believe that God becomes like your
father and you’re his daughter daughter
to a king is a princess so you’re
royalty you were made for royalty you
are wearing a dress you may just be in a
wrong castle your value your purpose
your destiny your purpose is to love and
love destiny that’s for me so that’s my
story with that and everything else is
more in full in my book coming out on
the 26th of October so I encourage you
to get that to write where’s it’s gonna
be very good and we’re excited but I
want to thank you for the question I
want to thank you for your respect I
want to thank you though most of all for
your love I feel it I thank you for it
and it’s just being wonderful here I’ve
personally been inspired I’ve personally
been blessed so thank you guys and if
you want
no more just go to just Google Nick
voyage and you’ll find me love you guys
every decision we make in our lives as
individuals or as organizations is a
piece of communication it’s our way of
saying something about who we are and
what we believe this is why authenticity
matters this is why you have to say and
do the things you actually believe
because the things you say and do are
symbols of who you are and we look for
those symbols so we can find people who
believe what we believe our very
survival depends on it
so if you’re putting out false symbols
you will attract people to those symbols
but you won’t be able to form trust with
them this is what Tiger Woods did to us
he lied he lied he told us what he
thought we wanted to hear and it was
great and we were drawn to it and all of
us who kind of liked that idea of that
sort of the good guy who drawn to it
until we found out it was a lie he could
have been the bad boy of golf he could
have had all the same endorsements and
had a fantastic career and still been
hailed as one of the great athletes of
our day but he didn’t he chose to lie
good luck forming trust again tiger we
don’t believe you we don’t trust you the
goal of putting something out there if
you say what you believe and you do what
you believe you will attract people who
believe what you believe if you go to
one of your friends and you say to one
of your friends how would you like me to
dress so that you’ll like me better how
do you want me to address you how do you
want me to speak so that you’ll like me
more right your friends are gonna look
at you be like what are you talking
about
yeah come on come on come on what should
I wear so that you’ll find me more
appealing and how would you like me to
speak to you so that you’ll like me more
and your friends are gonna tell you just
be yourself that’s why I like you I
don’t just be yourself now think about
what we do in industry what do we do we
do market research and we go out and we
ask the customers what kind of things
the way we what style should we speak to
you how should we decorate ourselves
what kind of things are you drawn to so
that we can do those things do you like
us more it’s just as ridiculous it’s
just as ridiculous organisations should
say and do the things they actually
believe and they will attract people who
believe what they believe or they can
choose to lie and at the slightest hint
that they might be lying cynicism sets
in and people start saying I’m not sure
I can trust these guys because there’s
not a lot of consistency and all the
things they say and do which means they
can’t have a very strong belief set or
they’re lying to me and we call them
into authentic the entire process of
asking other people who we should be is
inauthentic that’s hilarious to me all
these positioning studies we do are
inherent we’re going to do a study to
find out from people so we can be more
authentic that’s hilarious
say and do what you actually believe and
the symbols you put out there the things
you say and the things you do those red
hats are ways that people can find you
what you have the ability to do as
designers is create those symbols and
allow people to use those things to say
something about who they are work for
companies work for clients work for
people who you believe what they believe
show up and feel a part of something
bigger than yourself and your part is to
put what they believe into pictures and
words and symbols and graphics so that
other people can use those things to say
something about who they are people put
harley-davidson logos on their body to
say something about who they are
corporate logo ain’t no Procter &
Gamble’s tattooed on anybody’s on
because Harley means something they
stand for something people put that
tattoo on they’re not to tell you that
they own a motorcycle
they put that tattoo there to tell you
something about themselves you ever see
anybody with a with a Mac laptop put a
sticker over that beautiful shining
Apple ain’t never gonna happen then how
will you know who I am
you ever see anybody with a PC break out
the Windex to clean out their computer
have you ever seen a dirty Mack doesn’t
exist does not exist why because it’s
Who I am
these are symbols we use the companies
that are crystal-clear and what they
believe and their discipline and how
they do it they’re consistent of what
they do and everything they say and
everything they do serves as a symbol of
the set of values and beliefs we use
those symbols to say something about who
we are we surround ourselves with the
people and the products and the brands
that say something about who we are and
when we can find the people who believe
what we believe were weirdly drawn to
them because our very survival depends
on it we need it and so the more you can
give of yourself the more you can give
of what you believe the more you can
discipline with discipline saying boo
and do the things you actually believe
strange things start to happen actually
tougher than you think
you never knew that and maybe you didn’t
want to take on the responsibility
because you know people play a role in
their own demise so to speak when you
had opportunity to go out and explore or
withdraw because you were afraid you
chose to withdraw because you were
afraid so it’s not only that you were
over protected often it’s that you were
willing to take advantage of the fact
that you were over protected and run
back there whenever you had the
opportunity you know so maybe you’re a
kid in the playground right and you’re
having some trouble with other kids and
you know in the back of your mind I
should deal this with deal with this
myself but you go and tell your mom and
get her to intervene and you know that
that’s not right you know that you’re
breaking the social contract but it’s
easier and so that’s what you do you run
off to an authority figure and hide
behind the Great Father right roughly
speaking well the problem with that is
you don’t learn how to do it yourself
so then you have to relearn it painfully
when you’re 40 so then you take people
out you say well what are you afraid of
rank it from 1 to 10 so 10 is make a
list of 10 things you’re afraid of the
least the thing you’re least afraid of
will call number 10 so we’ll start with
that
ok well I’m afraid of elevators ok well
let’s let’s look at a picture of an
elevator let’s have you imagine being in
an elevator let’s go out to an elevator
and let you watch
the terrible jaws of death open because
that’s how you’re responding to it
symbolically right and you’re gonna do
that at it at the the closest proximity
you can manage you find out you go do
that it works you’re nervous as hell
especially and from an anticipatory
perspective shaking you go out you stop
you watch it happen and you actually
calm down you do that ten times it no
longer bothers you well what you’ve
learned that you didn’t die but more
importantly than that you’ve learned
that you could withstand the threat of
death that’s what you’ve learned and
then you move a little closer and then
you move a little closer and then you
move a little closer and finally you’re
back in what’s no longer the elevator
from a symbolic perspective it’s a tomb
right it’s it’s it’s a place of
enclosure and isolation and you learn
hmm
turns out I can withstand that and then
you’re met much more together much more
confident and that’s often one of the
things that often happens in situations
like that I’ve seen this multiple times
is that if you run someone through an
exposure training process like that and
toughen them up they’ll often start
standing up to people around them in a
way they never did before
reasons come first answers come second
if you get a compelling vision and you
got strong enough reasons that will push
you through the tough times you’re gonna
do things other people don’t do instead
of collapsing even if you get off target
you won’t go oh I blew it you’ll get
right back on target and make the change
make things happen and I know you’ve
done this in many areas your life just
think about it again I’m not teaching
you something really new here today I
just want to remind you of what your
soul knows you got a change you got to
be proved and you’ve got to go through a
simple process fundamentally to make
that progress first step vision that’s
compelling second step make sure that
they’re strong enough reasons to follow
through third step you’ve got to review
it and feel it every day I mean anything
have you ever had this happen in your
life has there been anything in your
life that you’ve ever wanted so badly
you were so desirous of it yeah it’s
such a hunger for it that you couldn’t
stop thinking about it could be
and a career move could have been when
you’re a kid a car it could have been a
relationship it could have been anything
but you were obsessed you wanted to make
this happen you wanted to track this to
your life you wanna you just wanted
something and you didn’t even know how
to get it but it was so compelling to
you kept thinking about it every day and
visioning imagining it feeling it and
then stuff happened and suddenly you
started attract people or situations to
your life and it just came together like
you didn’t even have a total plan it was
just that it was so a part of your focus
with so much intensity and emotion so
often that it sensitized you to notice
anything that could get you there
there’s a part of your brain called the
reticular activating system for short we
call it the RAS that part of your brain
determines what you notice in the world
and it’s really important because when
you set a goal when you get really clear
in a vision they’re strong enough
reasons and you review it enough then it
becomes a part of you that part of your
brain says anything that relates to this
I need to notice it’s like did you ever
buy a certain kind of car or maybe a
certain outfit and suddenly you see that
car everywhere are those outfits
everywhere you know the cars were always
around but why do you see it now because
your Ras knows this is important this
was part of my world now similarly when
you really get clear and it’s compelling
and you’re reviewing it every day got
strong reasons you’re viewing it every
day and you’re feeling it the brain
becomes incredibly acute at noticing
anything to get you to move forward and
so that’s the power of this so you know
what do people do with a new year’s
resolution they come up with something
they kind of want it’s not a compelling
vision they don’t really have strong
enough reasons and they never review it
again and tell to notice that they broke
what they said they really want to have
make happen because they didn’t really
resolve if you resolve you got the
vision it’s compelling you review it
daily and you feel it you envision it
and you experience it simple as it
sounds now ultimately what is this
really about ultimately if you’re gonna
have lasting change in anything you’re
really talking about just raising your
standards I mean I always tell people if
you want to know how to change your life
and give it to you in three words boring
as it sounds raise your standards what
does that mean cortney’s it sounds raise
your standards I’ll thank you for the
breakthrough thought Tony I’m glad I
wasted my time watching this little
email if you
but think about it lasting change is
different than a goal you don’t always
get your goals but you always get your
standards maybe they’ll help you is to
think about it this way I try to explain
scanners to people with a different set
of words think of it as everybody in
life gets their must they don’t get
their shit right think about it
you must be above a list of sheds no
they don’t have a list of the sheds
things you should do you should follow
through on i I should lose some weight I
should work out more I should make more
calls I should respond more rapidly to
my email whatever you know I should get
into the office earlier I should be you
know more confident whatever your should
list is people love to have their should
list make me met but it’s kind of like
New Year’s resolutions if it does it’s
really exciting but if it doesn’t which
is most the time it’s a little
disappointing but you kind of know it’s
not gonna happen but when you decide
something as a must for you an absolute
must when you cut up any possible you
say I’m gonna find the way I’m gonna
make the way human beings when they
resolve things and they have make a real
resolution inside themselves which is
they raise the standard they make it a
must they find the way think about in
your own life happens you had some area
of your life where you raise your
standard and your life has never been
the same maybe at one time your life you
use smoke cigarettes or you did
something and you did it for years and
you kept trying to change it trying to
change it and kept telling yourself I
should and then one day something
happened something just clicked you over
something took you over that kind of
tipping point and inside yourself you
said no more it was a very very
different experience wasn’t it something
inside has shifted and what was a should
became a must and you’ve never gone back
is there an area like that in your life
you can think of again did you ever
smoke cigarettes did you ever eat a
certain way drink a certain form of
alcohol and then finally saying no more
and you just don’t go back and notice
this it doesn’t really take any
willpower anymore because somewhere when
we make this click we make something a
must we attach ourselves to it it
becomes part of our identity the one
thing I’ve learned in the last gosh 33
years they’re working with people from
now over 100 countries four million
people is human beings
absolutely follow through on who they
believe they are and you said said to me
well I’m really gonna work hard to stop
smoking but you know I’ve been a smoker
my whole life and I’m you know I am a
smoker I know your days are numbered
you’re gonna be back smoking cigarettes
again because we all act consistent with
who we believe we are
I tell people the strongest force in the
whole human personality is this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves
if you define yourself as somebody who
is really conservative you’re not gonna
be crazy and act nuts unless you’re
really drunk or something and then you
can say it’s the alcohol when it really
does you finally getting permission to
be yourself
the alcohols your excuse if you’re a
really crazy person you act crazy
outrageous playful you don’t act
conservative because that’s not who you
are very often people say well I can’t
do that I’m not that kind of person and
I always say to people really when did
you define yourself I mean really how
many years ago did you come up with what
you could and couldn’t do in your life
how many years ago most people if they
really look at how they’re living their
life today it’s based on a set of
standards a set of beliefs that they
made choices about 10 20 30 or more
years ago I mean very often we made
decisions in our youth or very young
about what to believe about what we were
capable of about who we are as a person
and that becomes the glass ceiling if
you will that controls us there’s a
corny metaphor but it’s true I remember
one time I was with my family at the
circus and there’s a person there and
they had this big giant elephant and you
look at this elephant and they take this
little rope put around the elephant’s
neck and they drive this stake into the
ground and I mean you look at this you
know that elephant could rip down the
entire tent
with almost no effort and yet the
elephant doesn’t struggle doesn’t try
why because the elephant’s conditioned
and they take that elephant conditioned
the elephant when it’s a baby elephant
that’s how they trained them when it’s a
little baby elephant and it doesn’t have
the power yet they put a big rope around
it and they drive this huge stake in the
ground and the elephant fights and
fights and fights and one day finally
that often decides I’m not capable of
pulling this out and once that becomes
the definition of an identity of any one
an elephant in this case they don’t even
try anymore
it’s just
Who I am that’s how it is that’s just
the way it is in my life I’d like to ask
you to take a look at any place you’ve
got a limitation ask yourself when did I
decide to accept that limitation and you
may not even see it as a limitation you
might see there just that’s who I am but
so often our lives leave adapted to be a
certain way so that we don’t fail or so
that people will like us or respect us
but it’s not necessarily who we are joy
comes when you’re spontaneous it’s
really hard to be truly happy when
you’re not being yourself and most of us
have no clue who we are and so a big
part of my work if you’ve ever been to
an event you know is to get people to do
things spontaneously without thinking
because that’s when the real you shows
up that’s when the energy comes alive
and when you do that when you start to
connect your true nature suddenly
there’s energy available for you to set
a higher standard for what you want in
your life that’s what this is really all
about and when I talk about standards
when I talk about you know shoulds
versus muss think about your own life I
know there have been areas in your life
where some point in time you just shift
it and you raise the standard in your
life change because whatever people have
their identity attached to they live we
live who we believe we are that’s just
how it works it’s just kind of like I
give an example look at your physical
body your physical body today is an
absolute reflection of only one thing
not your goals not your desires but your
standards the identity you have for
yourself if your standard is you’re an
athlete then there’s a certain amount of
strength a muscle tone and energy that’s
available in your body on a regular
basis because that’s who you are and so
you do whatever’s necessary to maintain
that identity again the strongest force
and the human personalities this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves because if you don’t know who
you are you would not act once you lock
in on that identity your brain finds a
way to keep you there if you say you
and I’m overweight I’ve always been
overweight I’m big-boned and that’s the
story you’ve got and you’re gonna always
find a way to get back there that’s
you’re settling point that’s your
identity that’s where things lock in if
you see somebody who’s a really great
shape you ask him do you work out you
know the answer yes how often and
they’ll tell you three times four times
five times a week whatever in a seminar
last people who here works out at least
five days a week and I’m stand-up and
you look around that room and you know
that they work out five times a week as
you can see their body you don’t just
get a result without some kind of action
without some form of ritual ritual
meaning actions you do consistently now
do you think here those people that are
out there working out five days a week
do they have more time than you do or I
have for anybody else of course not is
that a wife less busy of course not it’s
just a must for them they must work out
that way and they’ve made that turn
their life changed so I’m not saying you
have to work out five days a week I’m
just saying whatever you really want
once don’t get met consistently
standards do whatever you identify this
is Who I am and so it’s not so much
about changing your identity as there’s
expanding it you know deciding that you
know instead of your goals to lose ten
pounds which is not compelling what if
your vision was to get back to my
fighting weight you know just this year
this month this next 90 days I’m gonna
transform my body I’m gonna take on a
new challenge I’m gonna find some
technique or strategy there’s a million
of them that can reframe myself or I
want to feel younger stronger more
vibrant than ever before here’s my
reasons because I want the energy to
really make my life work because it’s
tough out there and I want to be
stronger than I’ve ever been before you
concentrate solely on your career you
can get a long way in your career and I
would say that that’s a strategy that a
minority of men preferentially do that
that’s all they do they worked like 70
80 hours a week they go flat out on
their career they’re staking everything
on small probability of exceptional
status in a narrow domain but it’s it’s
hard on them they don’t have a life it’s
very difficult for them to have a family
they don’t know how to take any leisure
activity like they get very
one-dimensional now it may be that that
unit dimensionality is the price you
have to pay to be exceptional at one
right because if you’re gonna be
something like a genius level
mathematician and you want to do that
for a scientist say it’s like you’re in
your lab you’re in your lab all the time
you’re working 70 hours a week or 80
hours a week you’re smart you’re
dedicated your unit dimensional and
that’s how you get to beat all the other
people who are doing that it’s the only
way but the problem is you don’t get a
life now if you love being a scientist
and you have that kind of focus of mind
well first of all you’re a rare person
and second you’re gonna pay for it but
find more power to you but but it’s a
it’s a risky business to do that you
sacrifice a lot for it you know and I
would say most often if you’re speaking
about having a healthy life that isn’t
what you do you spread yourself out more
so you know you have a family you have
some things that you do outside of work
that are meaningful to you and useful
you you have a network of friends that
that those three things a loner four
things alone are plenty to keep you well
oriented and then if one of those things
collapses
you know everything doesn’t go now the
price you pay for that is the more you
strive to optimize that balance the less
likely you are to be fantastically
successful at any single one of them but
you might have a very you know if you
consider your life as a whole that might
be a winning strategy
most people’s standard is to pay their
bills so that’s what most people find a
way to do even when economic times get
tough most people if that’s their
absolute standard to find a way some
people’s standard is pay their bills and
most of the time and so most of the time
they do some people standard is not just
to pay their bills but to take care of
their family and maybe even some of
their friends and they find a way in
fact you know if some people may be in a
family where they don’t have enough
money to barely have money to pay their
bills they work through guts out and
then somebody their mother their father
or somebody else their sister gets ill
and there’s not enough money to take
care of it nobody else has money in
family they don’t either but they find a
way to get that money to take care of
their mother or father don’t they and
they their bells they never could do it
before why the situation made them raise
their own standard and not everybody
does that somebody else in the family
might have money and still don’t take
care of their mother it all comes down
to the inner game my friends changing
your life is a change in the inner game
the outside world you can’t control but
you have absolute control over this one
if you learn that dynamics of what
shapes you and identity is one of those
simple clear fundamental basics that if
you start to shift it everything else
will shift in your life as well some
people by the way have to have more than
enough money to do what they want when
they want where they want with whomever
they want contribute the way they want
if that’s there must they find a way I
know that sounds overly simplistic but
it’s true now somebody once said you can
take all the money in the world out of
the hands of everybody out of all the
wealthy people in the world who are
really successful give it other people
it wouldn’t take too long those people
have it back in their hands it’s not
because they’re manipular it’s because
they have a standard some are manipular
don’t get me wrong but they’ve got a
standard of what they’re gonna find a
way to make happen I’m just simply
saying to you take those three magic
words and live them raise your standard
if you really want to do it then I’ll
tell you the most important secret have
you ever done this have you ever told
yourself you’re raising your standard
okay I’m gonna go make this happen
I’m gonna go make this much money I’m
gonna transform my kids I’m gonna create
the ultimate relationship of my life I’m
gonna transform my body whatever it
and then you don’t have strong enough
reasons and you don’t lose use it you
don’t follow through it’s because you
didn’t back up your standards with what
makes those standards real and that’s
rituals rituals all of the power is
whenever we do our Robbins results
coaching you know is it Robbins equals
results late we get results with people
it’s the same way if you listen to my
ultimate edge program are back in the
old days personal power or if you went
to one of my seminars you know what I do
is I take these huge challenges you got
and we break them down into little
bite-sized steps little things you do
each day that after you do them you get
so much momentum that it’s easy to
succeed you’re not overwhelmed you have
these victory day after day after day on
little things if you’d went to ultimate
edge I’m sure you learned about the hour
of power or the 15 minutes to be able to
be fulfilled or 30 minutes to thrive
where he literally just conditioned your
body and emotion with a couple little
rituals so it doesn’t matter what’s
going on in your world you feel that
strength and it’s not fake it’s not some
pump up it’s coming from inside you and
it works rituals define us see all the
results in your life are coming from
your rituals they start with a standard
and then have rituals that follow it up
like for example if you are where you
want to be physically you have very
different rituals than if you’re not
where you want to be physically if
you’re overweight you and I both know
you got a different ritual than if
you’re physically fit completely
different you get up in the morning
what’s the first thing you do if you’re
fed your shoes are there you roll over
the minute how you feel you put on your
shoes you lace and you start walking or
whatever that ritual is if you’re
overweight you roll over and you have a
very different ritual you might roll
over several times to turn the alarm
clock off you go in and get your mocha
mocha whatever you know special coffee
stop by at Starbucks or over the case
maybe you have your nice sugar muffin
you know it’s supposed to be really nice
for you whatever you do it’s a different
ritual if you have a great passionate
relationship you have very different
rituals and how you come home than if
you have a lousy relationship you come
home and the first thing you do is
you’re tweeting somebody or you’re
emailing or flipping on the news or you
don’t even come home and what are the
rituals whenever I study people that are
successful while I look for is what’s
the standard they hold himself to
and then what are all those little
rituals that up because think about it
success and failure are not giant events
they don’t just show up you don’t just
suddenly become successful or suddenly
have this cataclysmic event that makes
you fail may look that way but failure
comes from all the little things
it’s failure to make the call its
failure to check the books its failure
to say I’m sorry its failure to push
yourself to do things physically that
you don’t want to do and all those
little failures day after day come
together until one day some Cataclysm
event happens you blame Matt that event
happened because you missed all the
little stuff do you agree with me and
success by the way is not some overnight
event it’s all these little things
success is having a vision success is
making it compelling success is really
seeing it feeling it every day was
strong enough reasons success is feeling
the sense that I’m here to grow and I’m
here to give to something to the world
more than just myself success is caring
about other people success is calling
and saying I love you in the middle of
the day for no damn reason or sending a
note that will change your relationship
have a ritual of something funny playful
or a surprise you do how many
relationships are dead today because
they have no surprise rituals anymore
you need to have some rituals some cool
things you do that nobody else does that
gives you a better life than anybody
else has all the little stuff that’s
where success comes from in business it
comes from delivering more than anybody
could imagine all those little things
add up people go wow that’s who I want
to do business with it’s true in any
area of your life so if you look at
somebody’s really successful you think
wow I mean they’re so amazing there’s
such a genius you kind of dig underneath
you got to remember something people are
rewarded in public for what they’ve
practiced for years in private myself
and my business people say how are you
get up and speaking of nono-chan you go
for three days and nights and the room
is like it he’s wired and it’s
incredible it’s like a rock concert how
do you do that how do you get that
confidence home and you know it’s not
confidence it’s experience now but I did
so much behind the scenes and I still do
to make things right I mean how many
people would know that since the time I
was 17 years old before I walk on stage
still do to this
they wouldn’t need to do it but I still
do it I never walk out there without being in an absolute peak state of mine
Please follow and like us: