our minds are designed to stop you at
all costs from doing anything that might
hurt you if you notice that you daydream
about being a writer if you notice that
you daydream about starting a tech
company if you notice you daydream about
building bridges follow your curiosity
so if it were easy to get what you
wanted in life Google would have already
figured out an app she’s an American
speaker TV personality coach and author
her TEDx talk on how to stop screwing
yourself over has over 10 million views
on YouTube her book stop saying you’re
fine is a business bestseller
she’s Mel Robin and here’s my take on
her top ten rules for success also guys
as you’re watching if you hear something
that really resonates with you please
leave it down in the comments below put
quotes around it so other people can be
inspired by your sharing and also when
you write it down you’re much more
likely to lock it into yourself to enjoy
we bought into this this complete
falsehood that at some point you’re
going to have the courage at some point
you’re going to have the confidence and
it’s total frankly I don’t
really like to swear it out okay it’s
complete garbage and so there are so
many people in the world and and you
know you may be watching this right now
and you have these incredible ideas and
what you think is missing is motivation
and that’s not true
because the way that our minds are wired
and the fact about human beings is that
we are not designed to do things that
are uncomfortable or scary or difficult
our brains are designed to protect us
from those things because our brains are
trying to keep us alive and in order to
change in order to build a business in
order to be the best parent of a spouse
to do all those things that you know you
want to do with your life with your work
with your dreams you’re going to have to
do things that are difficult uncertain
or scary which sets up this problem for
all of us you’re not going to feel like
it
motivation is garbage you you only feel
motivated to do the things that are easy
right
what do you think that is oh I know
exactly why that is because I’ve studied
this so much because for me one of the
hardest things to figure out was why is
it so hard to do the little things that
would improve my life and what I’ve come
to realize and what we’ll talk a lot
about today is that the way that our
minds are designed is our minds are
designed to stop you at all costs from
doing anything that might hurt you and
the way that that that that this all
happens is it all starts with something
super subtle that none of us ever catch
and that is with this habit that all of
us have that nobody’s talking about we
all have a habit of hesitating hmm we
have an idea you’re sitting in a meeting
you have this incredible idea and
instead of just
you know saying it you stop and you
hesitate now what none of us realize is
that when you hesitate to spent moment
that micro moment that small hesitation
it sends a stress signal to your brain
it wakes your brain up and your brain
all of a sudden goes oh wait a minute
why is he hesitating he didn’t hesitate
when he put on his killer spiky sneakers
he didn’t hesitate with the really cool
track pants he didn’t hesitate with the
NASA tee shirt now he’s hesitating to
talk something must be up so then your
brain goes to work to protect you it has
a million different ways to protect you
one of them is called the spotlight
effect it’s a known phenomenon where
your brain magnifies risk why to pull
you away from something that it
perceives to be a problem and so you can
truly trace every single problem or
complaint in your life to silence and
hesitation those are decisions and what
I do and what’s changed my life is
waking up and realizing that motivation
is garbage I’m never going to feel like
doing the things that are tough for
difficult or uncertain or scary or new
so I need to stop waiting until I feel
like it and number two I am one decision
away from a totally different marriage a
totally different life a totally
different job a totally different income
a totally different relationship with my
kids
not like one decision I’m divorcing you
in in the marriage example but one
decision on you know you could be having
a conversation with your spouse and you
feel your emotions rise up and within a
tiny window those emotions can take over
and can impact how your marriage goes or
you can learn how to take control of
that micro moment and make a decision to
act in a way that actually shifts your
marriage your life comes down to your
decisions and if you change your
decisions you will change everything
when I was 22 right after I graduated
from Dartmouth I was so focused on
making everyone happy that I almost
chose the worst possible career for my
personality it’s not a bad career it
just would have been horrendous for me I
was interested in the environment so I
decided oh yeah
I’ll go get a law degree and then I’ll
go work in Washington and I think maybe
I’ll work on environmental policy and
I’d probably end up in some cube farm
and everyone was thrilled with the plan
everyone it turns out but me so here I
am I’m driving a u-haul across country
to go to law school and to get a degree
in environmental law and something
started to gnaw at me and with every
single mile that I drove my thoughts
were getting louder and doubts were
starting to pour in my gut was telling
me Mel
turn the damn u-haul around but the
problem was that everything was already
in place right I mean I’m already in the
u-haul the thing is already packed I’m
already 10 miles into my drive the
tuition had been paid for the first
semester I had signed a lease I mean I
could not undo these things
isn’t that why it’s so difficult for you
to make changes in your life because you
think that things can’t be undone the
fact is any excuse that you come up with
you can undo tuition can be reimbursed
apartments can be leased Plan B can be
invented so I got up I repack that
u-haul and I drove out of town
I let myself make a u-turn in life if
you ever find your gut battling your
head save yourself the drama I guarantee
you your gut is right guarantee you your
excuses can be undone and I guarantee
you you can make a u-turn in your life
right now if you want to you can be
asking for assignments that are above
your level so there’s work that you do
at your level and then there’s work that
you do above your level and the only way
that you’re going to be promoted to do
work above your level is a if you can
demonstrate that you’re capable of doing
the work at your level and B if you are
proactive in seeking out opportunities
that expand your capability and give you
a give you a chance to work above the
level that you’re at nothing’s going to
happen unless you take that initial
action nothing’s going to happen
nothing’s going to change unless you put
down that pen in the meeting and you sit
up and you pay attention
you listen for your opportunity to speak
nothing’s going to happen unless you
push yourself to go in and make the ask
for that assignment that scares you to
death one night Chris had gone to bed
I’ve been struggling struggling
struggling we still had all the same
problems I we stalled a lien on the
house still facing bankruptcy still
fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed
he still they still haven’t figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this
rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh you dick I am going to launch
myself out of bed like a rocket ship
like NASA right here and launch me out
of that bed and I’m going to move so
fast that I don’t think I’m going to
beat my brain now here’s a really
interesting point I talk a lot about
your instincts and inner wisdom and we
can get into this a little bit later but
a lot of us talk about the fact that you
have a gut feeling but what all this
research that I’ve done through the book
and all the speaking that I do what I’ve
discovered that’s fascinating is
actually when you set goals when you
have an intention on something that you
want to change about your life your
brain helps you what it does is it opens
up a checklist and then your brain goes
to work trying to remind you yeah of
that intention that you set and it’s
really important to develop the skill
and I say that word purposefully the
skill of knowing how to hear that inner
wisdom and that intention kicking in and
leaning into it quickly so for me my
brain saying that’s it right there move
as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier
the desire is there again it’s about how
do you go from knowledge to action so
the first thing in the story
it’s important is realizing that the
answer was in me and my mind was telling
me pay attention could have also been a
bourbon that is that night anyway the
next morning the alarm goes off and I
pretended NASA was there
it’s a stupidest story I literally went
5 4 3 2 1 I counted out loud and then I
stood up and I’ll never forget standing
there in my bedroom it was dark it was
cold it was winter in Boston and for the
first time in 3 months I had beaten my
habit of hitting the snooze button I
couldn’t believe it and I thought wait a
minute
counting backwards that is the dumbest
thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life
well the next morning I used it again
and it worked the next morning I used it
again and it worked the next morning I
used it again and it worked and then I
started to notice something really
interesting there were moments all day
long all day long just like that
five-second moment in bed where I knew
knowledge what I should do and if I
didn’t move within five seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it
every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you
have about a five-second window in which
you can move from idea to action before
your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because
remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable
or uncertain or scary it’s your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that
could change everything into acting on I
think you have to be really in tune with
your impulses and with your natural
state of curiosity and your curiosity
and the things that you’re naturally
drawn toward that’s the guy if you could
spend hours singing if you could spend
hours baking if you could spend hours
writing if you could spend hours
learning code
that’s a huge signal that that’s
something that you’re really innately
interested in and so if you’re curious
about something if you notice that you
daydream about being a writer if you
notice that you daydream about starting
a tech company if you notice you
daydream about building bridges follow
your curiosity and you can do that a
number of ways
first of all google it there are
millions and millions of pages out there
on the web that are related to what
you’re interested in
secondly find an online course most of
the major universities are offering our
courses online for free third buy a book
about it put yourself in a collision
course with the thing that you’re
curious about and you will get closer
and closer and closer to figuring it out
what about when someone can’t realize or
identify their own negative feelings
someone that has been conditioned to
with and negative feelings and believe
that that’s normal this question comes
from basavanna Anegada it is your normal
you’re right it’s a really personal I’m
sorry that that’s been your experience
of life because that really stinks and
it doesn’t have to be that way but here
here’s where I want you to go what’s
interesting about what you said is the
fact that these feelings are normal okay
normal just means you’re used to them
but you don’t have to live with them so
even though you’re so used to these
negative feelings and these feelings of
doubt you still don’t like them you
still have the ability to stop that so I
want you to think of a moment in time
when we were really happy like it could
be a memory from being little it could
be something that you dream of doing and
I want you to come up with something
really specific about that moment okay
like think about what you’re wearing or
think about the blue sky that is going
to be what I call your anchor sauce
every time from this moment forward that
you wake up or you find yourself
drifting to those normal feelings of I’m
a loser I’m worthless
I’m never going to find love they may be
things that you’re used to thinking but
that doesn’t that doesn’t matter because
you can change it the second that you
feel that you’ve drifted over into that
thought and I keep coming over here
because when you start using the rule
you’re going to start to literally feel
which part of your mind you’re using the
worries kind of happened here I want you
to 5 4 3 2 1 and then I want you to
insert this vision of yourself this
vision of yourself where you felt really
good and if you can’t think of one
invent one how would you feel if you
were in love how would you feel if you
loved yourself how would you feel if you
did that thing that you’re scared of it
keep talking yourself out of that’s your
anchor thought now when you first start
using the rule particularly when you’re
breaking a habit a habit of thinking
negative thoughts when you first start
doing it you may need to use the
five-second rule 73 times in one day
that’s okay I had to do it like that
when I was first using the rule to cure
myself anxiety when I would start to
worry about anything I’d start to worry
about you know my kids or I start to
worry about money and I feel my thoughts
drift and then I start to feel my heart
race I would stabilize my thoughts by 4
3 2 1 I’ve activate my free frontal
cortex lower the the worries you know on
the other side and then I would start to
think about something that actually made
me feel really calm or excited that is
the battle of your mind and you know the
other thing about normal that I just
want to say is that the reason why it
feels normal to doubt yourself and to
have low self-worth is because you’ve
thought this so long it’s become a
pattern just like chewing your nails
becomes a pattern of behavior that you
don’t think about well the cool thing is
is that based on science you can
actually change any pattern
thinking one so use the five-second rule
every single time you catch yourself
think of the nasty stuff and then
activate your prefrontal cortex and
force yourself to think something
positive every single morning Monday
through Fridays at 9 a.m. I host a live
call-in radio show on Sirius satellite
radio it’s called make it happen with
Mel Robbins and the thing that’s been so
crazy about that show is every single
person that calls me on that show they
call in because they’re feeling stuck in
their lives and they’re resigned about
their ability to change their lives and
I’m not talking about people that are
nuts I’m talking about successful people
like you and me that just somehow got
stuck in their lives and I’m not talking
about feel that are looking for cheesy
self-help I’m talking about people that
really want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this and I also know
you’re sitting there like yeah the
self-help crap this isn’t for me but if
you just force yourself to take a couple
small steps there’s always a surprise
let’s talk about Starbucks Starbucks in
2008 very interesting thing happened and
many of you if you were in the financial
services market then probably know this
that their net income decreased by about
28% that year and at the time they had
16,000 stores in 44 countries and they
had gone through this massive explosive
growth segment in terms of going from
going public in I think it was like 1992
they only had 125 stores and now here we
are 2008 that got 16,000 so what ends up
happening
is Howard Schultz who is the chairman of
the board comes back in as the CEO very
complex situation right
you’ve got operations in 44 countries
you’ve got massive reduction in terms of
the profits that you have you’ve got the
stock market and Wall Street screaming
at you you’ve got customers that are
going to Dunkin Donuts because there’s a
recession that’s fitting so what do you
do well he was very clear again back to
the two rules what do I stand for like
what is it what is what am i doing and
what do I want the outcome today so he
was very clear that what he stood for as
a leader and what Starbucks should stand
for is the Starbucks experience he
wanted to go back to the beginning and
reintroduce people to the romance of
having a cup of coffee because you know
that’s how Starbucks launched in the
beginning that he was traveling and was
over in Italy and was like God why don’t
we in places like these great stops to
have a little cup of coffee over in the
United States
boom Starbucks an idea it’s born it’s
launched so he decides he’s going to do
whatever he can to get the romance of
having a cup of coffee back in life in
any situation whether you’re talking
about growing your company growing your
bank account getting in a relationship
getting out of a relationship getting
something done at the school system that
your kids are going to on behalf of your
kids whatever it is that you’re up to in
life this is the only question that you
need to ask yourself what is it that I
want because the truth of the matter is
if you can answer that you can have it
so if it were easy to get what you
wanted in life Google would have already
figured out an app you would just type
in okay I’m a student and I want to go
from being a student to being successful
and Google would tell you go to college
then you get your masters then you land
this killer job and then you put in a
bunch of FaceTime while you’re checking
Facebook then you get promoted to
manager and then you realize managing
people kind of thinks and then you keep
climbing the corporate ladder and then
you start to wonder well how did I end
up here
anyways this what success looks like
you’re like no I’m going to go to Jay
hilburn that’s what success looks like
so keep this in mind if there’s
something that you want like seven
people or a trip to Africa or you’re
going to make it to Mexico and the pink
shirt I’m looking at you again for I’m
watching you and rooting for you keep in
mind this here you are this is what you
want I spent a lot of time on lacrosse
field although they don’t really look
like this you tend to think that what
you want you just march right towards it
but if in sports you march right towards
the goal what happens the defenders come
in and what the defenders are is it’s
your brain saying ain’t going to happen
so the second you start moving toward
that thing you want be ready you’re
going to tell yourself you don’t feel
like it you’re going to have to force
yourself it’s happening there’s no way
to get around it so what you’re going to
have to do is you’re going to basically
get bounced around a lot all over the
place and they’re going to be a lot of
times that you feel like this was a
really dumb idea to start this business
because it’s going to get hard and I
want to remind you about something
unlike a sports field where there’s an
in and out of bounds the great thing
about life is there actually aren’t any
and it’s usually in those moments where
you feel like you can’t do it that
you’re closer than ever to having
everything that you wanted and I wanted
to show you this so that you keep it in
mind because I think a lot of times when
you look back it’s the darkest moments
where you realize holy cow that’s what
projected me forward we live in the most
amazing moment in time so that thing
that you have up here whatever it may be
you want to use healthy eating to cure
your diabetes you want to figure out how
to take care of the elders and start a
new hospice center you want to move to
Africa and build a school guess what you
can walk into a bookstore right now and
buy at least ten books written by
credentialed experts on how the hell are
you doing you could google it and you
can probably find at least I know a
thousand blogs documenting the step by
step by step transformation that
somebody else is already
doing you can find anybody online and
cyber sock them you can just walk in
their footsteps and let that you know
just use the science of grafting follow
what everyone else is done because
somebody else has already doing it so
why don’t you have what you want when
you have all the information that you
need you have the contacts that you need
there are probably free tools online
that allow you to start a business or
join a group or do whatever the heck you
want it all comes down to one word shut
the front door you know what I’m talking
about the f-bomb it’s everywhere you
hear it all the time and I honestly
don’t understand what the appeal is of
the word I mean you don’t sound smart
when you say it and it’s really not
expressing how you really feel it’s sort
of a cheap you know shot to take and of
course you know I’m talking about the
word fine how you doing I’m fine oh
really you are dragging around those
extra 40 pounds you’re fine feeling like
roommates with your spouse and you’re
fine you haven’t had sex in four months
you’re fine really I don’t think so but
see here’s the deal with saying that
you’re fine it’s actually genius because
if you’re fine you don’t have to do
anything about it but when you think
about this word fine it just makes me so
angry I mean here we are at a conference
about being alive and you’re going to
describe the experience of being alive
as fine a flimsy and feeble word your
crappy say your crappy if you’re amazing
say you’re amazing tell the truth and
this not only goes for the social
construct oh I want to burden you with
the fact that I hate my life for you I
am amazing but that would make you feel
terrible the bigger issue
the bigger issue with fine is that you
say it to yourself that thing that you
want I guarantee you you’ve convinced
yourself that you’re fine not having it
that’s why you’re not pushing yourself
it’s the areas in your life where you’ve
given up where you’ve said oh I’m fine
my mom’s never going to change so I just
can’t have that conversation I’m fine
you know we got to wait until the kids
graduate before we get divorced so we’ll
just sleep in separate bedrooms I’m fine
I lost my job I can barely pay my bills
but whatever it’s hard to get a job and
you know one of the reasons why this
word also just annoys me so much is
scientists have calculated oh yeah I’m
coming down scientists have calculated
the odds of you being born that’s right
they’ve crunched the numbers I see you
up there
they have crunched the numbers on you
yeah no you guys standing up you want to
sit down to this they’ve crunched the
numbers on you being bored and they took
into account all of the wars and the
natural disasters and the dinosaurs and
everything else and do you realize that
the odds the odds of you yeah right here
put your computer way stand up for me
done
so the odds of juggler turn around say
hi to everybody the odds
yeah of Doug Doug’s being born at the
moment in time he was born to the
parents you were born to with the DNA
structure that you have a hundred or no
one and four hundred trillion isn’t
amazing so lucky yes
you’re not fine you’re fantastic you
have life-changing ideas for a reason
and it’s not the torture yourself thank
you thank you done you know Christine
was right when she said all of you could
be on stage because all of you are all
in this category one and four hundred
trillion all day long you have ideas
that could change your life that could
change the world that could change the
way that you feel and what do you do
with them nothing hopefully it won’t
loan you we didn’t pay for that
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because Francesca sugar
art asked me to so if there’s a famous
entrepreneur that you want me to profile
next leave it down the comments below
and I’ll see what I can do
I’d also love to know what is Mel say
that has the biggest impact on you what
was your favorite clip and what are you
going to take from this video and
immediately apply somehow to your life
or to your business leave it down the
comments below and I’m going to join in
the discussion finally I want to give a
quick shout out to the guys from V and
our media thank you so much for picking
up a copy of my book your one word and
for the fun interview that we did on
your channel it was a blast and I’m
excited to see where your channel goes
guys our guest today is Evan Carmichael
and Evan he was recognized by Forbes as
one of the world’s top 40 social
marketing talents inc magazine rated him
as one of the top 25 social media
keynote speakers you need to know and he
had recently published a book called
your one-word so thank you guys so much
for watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon
I have a pad of post-it oh yes posted
notes next to my sink in at my bathroom
why well because after I brush my teeth
haven’t looked at my phone yet
I take a post-it note out and I write
the three things I need to focus on
today and then you know what I do with
it
extra get on the bathroom my phone now
why would I do that
because I have my phone with me all the
time and so if it’s on the back of my
phone I’m going to get a visual cue to
remind me to keep the top of mind so I
stay focused on it how is it that you
see something larger for yourself well
the first thing that you have to do the
very first thing is you have to get out
of the week successful people are all in
the weeds the busier you are the more
you have going on you know that old
saying that everybody says don’t work in
your business work on your business we
are all in the weeds and the key to
seeing something larger for yourself is
getting out of the weeds I mean don’t
you feel like this dude I know I do you
know I wake up brush your teeth make the
coffee feed the kids pack the lunches
put them on the bus get in the car text
your friends get some coffee arrive at
work feign interest answer emails update
Facebook make cold calls avoid the
meeting look busy crunch some numbers up
see Facebook get in the car go to
carpool feed your kids feed the dogs
check email update Facebook kiss your
husband climb into bed fool around
are you kidding I’m exhausted
turn off the light I I live in a two
household Thank You entrepreneurial
family I’m exhausted
I’m busy how the heck am I going to see
something larger for my life when I have
a business to run when I have kids to
take care of well you have to get out of
the weeds and you know the truth is
there’s some good news and the good news
is I heard about this pill that’s in
development
you know I know I’m waiting for it too
and you know the problem though is I
think that they’re going to have naming
problems forget it all and it seems like
a kind of a bad name for a pill even
though I might take it now and again so
I thought Before we jump into how you
see something larger I need to yank you
out of the wheels first so I’m going to
give you my advice for what I do in
order to keep myself out of the weeds
you guys don’t need remedial personal
development I got that I just feel
obligated to give you some some
actionable things to do because if you
don’t plan your week out before the week
starts you’re going to be in reactive
mode you’re going to be running around
you’re going to be you’re going to be
chasing down the biggest thing that’s
happening in your life you’re going to
be constantly responding this is one of
the most important things that you can
do if you’re not married if you’re not
living with somebody do it for yourself
plan your week you know this already the
first thing that you need to do is you
start you define what success looks like
for you and it’s not ten million dollars
in the bank I’m sorry it needs to be
something bigger a bigger reason is too
many dolls in the back to me well yeah I
mean the problem is saying it’s ten
million dollars in the bank is that when
you finally get to the ten million
dollars typically those people feel
pretty bankrupt that’s what you’re
saying and that’s what you’re seeing you
absolutely absolutely and so you know
once you define it for yourself I think
the key is how do you then trick
yourself Donny into feeling successful
every single day you know I’ve got a
daughter the plays Rick Ross she’s nine
years old if I said to her I’m only
cheering for you when you score a goal
how do you think she’d feel during the
game she wouldn’t play very well that’s
for sure so you’ve got to figure out how
do you cheer for yourself and how do you
feel successful while you’re playing the
game because it’s not all about the goal
okay and are there any tools to cheer
for myself give me today I want to feel
better inside I’m at home I’m watching
I’m either somebody that’s got the
millions of dollars and it’s not feeling
good or I don’t have those millions of
dollars I’m not feeling good I worry
about the economy around yeah so glad
you asked that I need to know what you
need to do is you have to decide ok this
is where I’m going I’m going for the big
vision of what success is
now do a head-fake with yourself and say
ok let’s just say that I’m actually
already there I have the 10 million
dollars in the bank I’m you know saving
the world what
it is that your version of successes
what are three things that I would
change about this day-to-day how would I
live it to day if I already had all that
stuff what time would I wake up who’s my
first phone call to what did I eat for
breakfast
start living as that success vision now
all costs from doing anything that might
hurt you if you notice that you daydream
about being a writer if you notice that
you daydream about starting a tech
company if you notice you daydream about
building bridges follow your curiosity
so if it were easy to get what you
wanted in life Google would have already
figured out an app she’s an American
speaker TV personality coach and author
her TEDx talk on how to stop screwing
yourself over has over 10 million views
on YouTube her book stop saying you’re
fine is a business bestseller
she’s Mel Robin and here’s my take on
her top ten rules for success also guys
as you’re watching if you hear something
that really resonates with you please
leave it down in the comments below put
quotes around it so other people can be
inspired by your sharing and also when
you write it down you’re much more
likely to lock it into yourself to enjoy
we bought into this this complete
falsehood that at some point you’re
going to have the courage at some point
you’re going to have the confidence and
it’s total frankly I don’t
really like to swear it out okay it’s
complete garbage and so there are so
many people in the world and and you
know you may be watching this right now
and you have these incredible ideas and
what you think is missing is motivation
and that’s not true
because the way that our minds are wired
and the fact about human beings is that
we are not designed to do things that
are uncomfortable or scary or difficult
our brains are designed to protect us
from those things because our brains are
trying to keep us alive and in order to
change in order to build a business in
order to be the best parent of a spouse
to do all those things that you know you
want to do with your life with your work
with your dreams you’re going to have to
do things that are difficult uncertain
or scary which sets up this problem for
all of us you’re not going to feel like
it
motivation is garbage you you only feel
motivated to do the things that are easy
right
what do you think that is oh I know
exactly why that is because I’ve studied
this so much because for me one of the
hardest things to figure out was why is
it so hard to do the little things that
would improve my life and what I’ve come
to realize and what we’ll talk a lot
about today is that the way that our
minds are designed is our minds are
designed to stop you at all costs from
doing anything that might hurt you and
the way that that that that this all
happens is it all starts with something
super subtle that none of us ever catch
and that is with this habit that all of
us have that nobody’s talking about we
all have a habit of hesitating hmm we
have an idea you’re sitting in a meeting
you have this incredible idea and
instead of just
you know saying it you stop and you
hesitate now what none of us realize is
that when you hesitate to spent moment
that micro moment that small hesitation
it sends a stress signal to your brain
it wakes your brain up and your brain
all of a sudden goes oh wait a minute
why is he hesitating he didn’t hesitate
when he put on his killer spiky sneakers
he didn’t hesitate with the really cool
track pants he didn’t hesitate with the
NASA tee shirt now he’s hesitating to
talk something must be up so then your
brain goes to work to protect you it has
a million different ways to protect you
one of them is called the spotlight
effect it’s a known phenomenon where
your brain magnifies risk why to pull
you away from something that it
perceives to be a problem and so you can
truly trace every single problem or
complaint in your life to silence and
hesitation those are decisions and what
I do and what’s changed my life is
waking up and realizing that motivation
is garbage I’m never going to feel like
doing the things that are tough for
difficult or uncertain or scary or new
so I need to stop waiting until I feel
like it and number two I am one decision
away from a totally different marriage a
totally different life a totally
different job a totally different income
a totally different relationship with my
kids
not like one decision I’m divorcing you
in in the marriage example but one
decision on you know you could be having
a conversation with your spouse and you
feel your emotions rise up and within a
tiny window those emotions can take over
and can impact how your marriage goes or
you can learn how to take control of
that micro moment and make a decision to
act in a way that actually shifts your
marriage your life comes down to your
decisions and if you change your
decisions you will change everything
when I was 22 right after I graduated
from Dartmouth I was so focused on
making everyone happy that I almost
chose the worst possible career for my
personality it’s not a bad career it
just would have been horrendous for me I
was interested in the environment so I
decided oh yeah
I’ll go get a law degree and then I’ll
go work in Washington and I think maybe
I’ll work on environmental policy and
I’d probably end up in some cube farm
and everyone was thrilled with the plan
everyone it turns out but me so here I
am I’m driving a u-haul across country
to go to law school and to get a degree
in environmental law and something
started to gnaw at me and with every
single mile that I drove my thoughts
were getting louder and doubts were
starting to pour in my gut was telling
me Mel
turn the damn u-haul around but the
problem was that everything was already
in place right I mean I’m already in the
u-haul the thing is already packed I’m
already 10 miles into my drive the
tuition had been paid for the first
semester I had signed a lease I mean I
could not undo these things
isn’t that why it’s so difficult for you
to make changes in your life because you
think that things can’t be undone the
fact is any excuse that you come up with
you can undo tuition can be reimbursed
apartments can be leased Plan B can be
invented so I got up I repack that
u-haul and I drove out of town
I let myself make a u-turn in life if
you ever find your gut battling your
head save yourself the drama I guarantee
you your gut is right guarantee you your
excuses can be undone and I guarantee
you you can make a u-turn in your life
right now if you want to you can be
asking for assignments that are above
your level so there’s work that you do
at your level and then there’s work that
you do above your level and the only way
that you’re going to be promoted to do
work above your level is a if you can
demonstrate that you’re capable of doing
the work at your level and B if you are
proactive in seeking out opportunities
that expand your capability and give you
a give you a chance to work above the
level that you’re at nothing’s going to
happen unless you take that initial
action nothing’s going to happen
nothing’s going to change unless you put
down that pen in the meeting and you sit
up and you pay attention
you listen for your opportunity to speak
nothing’s going to happen unless you
push yourself to go in and make the ask
for that assignment that scares you to
death one night Chris had gone to bed
I’ve been struggling struggling
struggling we still had all the same
problems I we stalled a lien on the
house still facing bankruptcy still
fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed
he still they still haven’t figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this
rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh you dick I am going to launch
myself out of bed like a rocket ship
like NASA right here and launch me out
of that bed and I’m going to move so
fast that I don’t think I’m going to
beat my brain now here’s a really
interesting point I talk a lot about
your instincts and inner wisdom and we
can get into this a little bit later but
a lot of us talk about the fact that you
have a gut feeling but what all this
research that I’ve done through the book
and all the speaking that I do what I’ve
discovered that’s fascinating is
actually when you set goals when you
have an intention on something that you
want to change about your life your
brain helps you what it does is it opens
up a checklist and then your brain goes
to work trying to remind you yeah of
that intention that you set and it’s
really important to develop the skill
and I say that word purposefully the
skill of knowing how to hear that inner
wisdom and that intention kicking in and
leaning into it quickly so for me my
brain saying that’s it right there move
as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier
the desire is there again it’s about how
do you go from knowledge to action so
the first thing in the story
it’s important is realizing that the
answer was in me and my mind was telling
me pay attention could have also been a
bourbon that is that night anyway the
next morning the alarm goes off and I
pretended NASA was there
it’s a stupidest story I literally went
5 4 3 2 1 I counted out loud and then I
stood up and I’ll never forget standing
there in my bedroom it was dark it was
cold it was winter in Boston and for the
first time in 3 months I had beaten my
habit of hitting the snooze button I
couldn’t believe it and I thought wait a
minute
counting backwards that is the dumbest
thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life
well the next morning I used it again
and it worked the next morning I used it
again and it worked the next morning I
used it again and it worked and then I
started to notice something really
interesting there were moments all day
long all day long just like that
five-second moment in bed where I knew
knowledge what I should do and if I
didn’t move within five seconds my brain
would step in and talk me out of it
every human being has a five-second
window might even be shorter for you you
have about a five-second window in which
you can move from idea to action before
your brain kicks into full gear and
sabotages any change in behavior because
remember your brain is wired to stop you
from doing things that are uncomfortable
or uncertain or scary it’s your job to
learn how to move from those ideas that
could change everything into acting on I
think you have to be really in tune with
your impulses and with your natural
state of curiosity and your curiosity
and the things that you’re naturally
drawn toward that’s the guy if you could
spend hours singing if you could spend
hours baking if you could spend hours
writing if you could spend hours
learning code
that’s a huge signal that that’s
something that you’re really innately
interested in and so if you’re curious
about something if you notice that you
daydream about being a writer if you
notice that you daydream about starting
a tech company if you notice you
daydream about building bridges follow
your curiosity and you can do that a
number of ways
first of all google it there are
millions and millions of pages out there
on the web that are related to what
you’re interested in
secondly find an online course most of
the major universities are offering our
courses online for free third buy a book
about it put yourself in a collision
course with the thing that you’re
curious about and you will get closer
and closer and closer to figuring it out
what about when someone can’t realize or
identify their own negative feelings
someone that has been conditioned to
with and negative feelings and believe
that that’s normal this question comes
from basavanna Anegada it is your normal
you’re right it’s a really personal I’m
sorry that that’s been your experience
of life because that really stinks and
it doesn’t have to be that way but here
here’s where I want you to go what’s
interesting about what you said is the
fact that these feelings are normal okay
normal just means you’re used to them
but you don’t have to live with them so
even though you’re so used to these
negative feelings and these feelings of
doubt you still don’t like them you
still have the ability to stop that so I
want you to think of a moment in time
when we were really happy like it could
be a memory from being little it could
be something that you dream of doing and
I want you to come up with something
really specific about that moment okay
like think about what you’re wearing or
think about the blue sky that is going
to be what I call your anchor sauce
every time from this moment forward that
you wake up or you find yourself
drifting to those normal feelings of I’m
a loser I’m worthless
I’m never going to find love they may be
things that you’re used to thinking but
that doesn’t that doesn’t matter because
you can change it the second that you
feel that you’ve drifted over into that
thought and I keep coming over here
because when you start using the rule
you’re going to start to literally feel
which part of your mind you’re using the
worries kind of happened here I want you
to 5 4 3 2 1 and then I want you to
insert this vision of yourself this
vision of yourself where you felt really
good and if you can’t think of one
invent one how would you feel if you
were in love how would you feel if you
loved yourself how would you feel if you
did that thing that you’re scared of it
keep talking yourself out of that’s your
anchor thought now when you first start
using the rule particularly when you’re
breaking a habit a habit of thinking
negative thoughts when you first start
doing it you may need to use the
five-second rule 73 times in one day
that’s okay I had to do it like that
when I was first using the rule to cure
myself anxiety when I would start to
worry about anything I’d start to worry
about you know my kids or I start to
worry about money and I feel my thoughts
drift and then I start to feel my heart
race I would stabilize my thoughts by 4
3 2 1 I’ve activate my free frontal
cortex lower the the worries you know on
the other side and then I would start to
think about something that actually made
me feel really calm or excited that is
the battle of your mind and you know the
other thing about normal that I just
want to say is that the reason why it
feels normal to doubt yourself and to
have low self-worth is because you’ve
thought this so long it’s become a
pattern just like chewing your nails
becomes a pattern of behavior that you
don’t think about well the cool thing is
is that based on science you can
actually change any pattern
thinking one so use the five-second rule
every single time you catch yourself
think of the nasty stuff and then
activate your prefrontal cortex and
force yourself to think something
positive every single morning Monday
through Fridays at 9 a.m. I host a live
call-in radio show on Sirius satellite
radio it’s called make it happen with
Mel Robbins and the thing that’s been so
crazy about that show is every single
person that calls me on that show they
call in because they’re feeling stuck in
their lives and they’re resigned about
their ability to change their lives and
I’m not talking about people that are
nuts I’m talking about successful people
like you and me that just somehow got
stuck in their lives and I’m not talking
about feel that are looking for cheesy
self-help I’m talking about people that
really want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this and I also know
you’re sitting there like yeah the
self-help crap this isn’t for me but if
you just force yourself to take a couple
small steps there’s always a surprise
let’s talk about Starbucks Starbucks in
2008 very interesting thing happened and
many of you if you were in the financial
services market then probably know this
that their net income decreased by about
28% that year and at the time they had
16,000 stores in 44 countries and they
had gone through this massive explosive
growth segment in terms of going from
going public in I think it was like 1992
they only had 125 stores and now here we
are 2008 that got 16,000 so what ends up
happening
is Howard Schultz who is the chairman of
the board comes back in as the CEO very
complex situation right
you’ve got operations in 44 countries
you’ve got massive reduction in terms of
the profits that you have you’ve got the
stock market and Wall Street screaming
at you you’ve got customers that are
going to Dunkin Donuts because there’s a
recession that’s fitting so what do you
do well he was very clear again back to
the two rules what do I stand for like
what is it what is what am i doing and
what do I want the outcome today so he
was very clear that what he stood for as
a leader and what Starbucks should stand
for is the Starbucks experience he
wanted to go back to the beginning and
reintroduce people to the romance of
having a cup of coffee because you know
that’s how Starbucks launched in the
beginning that he was traveling and was
over in Italy and was like God why don’t
we in places like these great stops to
have a little cup of coffee over in the
United States
boom Starbucks an idea it’s born it’s
launched so he decides he’s going to do
whatever he can to get the romance of
having a cup of coffee back in life in
any situation whether you’re talking
about growing your company growing your
bank account getting in a relationship
getting out of a relationship getting
something done at the school system that
your kids are going to on behalf of your
kids whatever it is that you’re up to in
life this is the only question that you
need to ask yourself what is it that I
want because the truth of the matter is
if you can answer that you can have it
so if it were easy to get what you
wanted in life Google would have already
figured out an app you would just type
in okay I’m a student and I want to go
from being a student to being successful
and Google would tell you go to college
then you get your masters then you land
this killer job and then you put in a
bunch of FaceTime while you’re checking
Facebook then you get promoted to
manager and then you realize managing
people kind of thinks and then you keep
climbing the corporate ladder and then
you start to wonder well how did I end
up here
anyways this what success looks like
you’re like no I’m going to go to Jay
hilburn that’s what success looks like
so keep this in mind if there’s
something that you want like seven
people or a trip to Africa or you’re
going to make it to Mexico and the pink
shirt I’m looking at you again for I’m
watching you and rooting for you keep in
mind this here you are this is what you
want I spent a lot of time on lacrosse
field although they don’t really look
like this you tend to think that what
you want you just march right towards it
but if in sports you march right towards
the goal what happens the defenders come
in and what the defenders are is it’s
your brain saying ain’t going to happen
so the second you start moving toward
that thing you want be ready you’re
going to tell yourself you don’t feel
like it you’re going to have to force
yourself it’s happening there’s no way
to get around it so what you’re going to
have to do is you’re going to basically
get bounced around a lot all over the
place and they’re going to be a lot of
times that you feel like this was a
really dumb idea to start this business
because it’s going to get hard and I
want to remind you about something
unlike a sports field where there’s an
in and out of bounds the great thing
about life is there actually aren’t any
and it’s usually in those moments where
you feel like you can’t do it that
you’re closer than ever to having
everything that you wanted and I wanted
to show you this so that you keep it in
mind because I think a lot of times when
you look back it’s the darkest moments
where you realize holy cow that’s what
projected me forward we live in the most
amazing moment in time so that thing
that you have up here whatever it may be
you want to use healthy eating to cure
your diabetes you want to figure out how
to take care of the elders and start a
new hospice center you want to move to
Africa and build a school guess what you
can walk into a bookstore right now and
buy at least ten books written by
credentialed experts on how the hell are
you doing you could google it and you
can probably find at least I know a
thousand blogs documenting the step by
step by step transformation that
somebody else is already
doing you can find anybody online and
cyber sock them you can just walk in
their footsteps and let that you know
just use the science of grafting follow
what everyone else is done because
somebody else has already doing it so
why don’t you have what you want when
you have all the information that you
need you have the contacts that you need
there are probably free tools online
that allow you to start a business or
join a group or do whatever the heck you
want it all comes down to one word shut
the front door you know what I’m talking
about the f-bomb it’s everywhere you
hear it all the time and I honestly
don’t understand what the appeal is of
the word I mean you don’t sound smart
when you say it and it’s really not
expressing how you really feel it’s sort
of a cheap you know shot to take and of
course you know I’m talking about the
word fine how you doing I’m fine oh
really you are dragging around those
extra 40 pounds you’re fine feeling like
roommates with your spouse and you’re
fine you haven’t had sex in four months
you’re fine really I don’t think so but
see here’s the deal with saying that
you’re fine it’s actually genius because
if you’re fine you don’t have to do
anything about it but when you think
about this word fine it just makes me so
angry I mean here we are at a conference
about being alive and you’re going to
describe the experience of being alive
as fine a flimsy and feeble word your
crappy say your crappy if you’re amazing
say you’re amazing tell the truth and
this not only goes for the social
construct oh I want to burden you with
the fact that I hate my life for you I
am amazing but that would make you feel
terrible the bigger issue
the bigger issue with fine is that you
say it to yourself that thing that you
want I guarantee you you’ve convinced
yourself that you’re fine not having it
that’s why you’re not pushing yourself
it’s the areas in your life where you’ve
given up where you’ve said oh I’m fine
my mom’s never going to change so I just
can’t have that conversation I’m fine
you know we got to wait until the kids
graduate before we get divorced so we’ll
just sleep in separate bedrooms I’m fine
I lost my job I can barely pay my bills
but whatever it’s hard to get a job and
you know one of the reasons why this
word also just annoys me so much is
scientists have calculated oh yeah I’m
coming down scientists have calculated
the odds of you being born that’s right
they’ve crunched the numbers I see you
up there
they have crunched the numbers on you
yeah no you guys standing up you want to
sit down to this they’ve crunched the
numbers on you being bored and they took
into account all of the wars and the
natural disasters and the dinosaurs and
everything else and do you realize that
the odds the odds of you yeah right here
put your computer way stand up for me
done
so the odds of juggler turn around say
hi to everybody the odds
yeah of Doug Doug’s being born at the
moment in time he was born to the
parents you were born to with the DNA
structure that you have a hundred or no
one and four hundred trillion isn’t
amazing so lucky yes
you’re not fine you’re fantastic you
have life-changing ideas for a reason
and it’s not the torture yourself thank
you thank you done you know Christine
was right when she said all of you could
be on stage because all of you are all
in this category one and four hundred
trillion all day long you have ideas
that could change your life that could
change the world that could change the
way that you feel and what do you do
with them nothing hopefully it won’t
loan you we didn’t pay for that
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because Francesca sugar
art asked me to so if there’s a famous
entrepreneur that you want me to profile
next leave it down the comments below
and I’ll see what I can do
I’d also love to know what is Mel say
that has the biggest impact on you what
was your favorite clip and what are you
going to take from this video and
immediately apply somehow to your life
or to your business leave it down the
comments below and I’m going to join in
the discussion finally I want to give a
quick shout out to the guys from V and
our media thank you so much for picking
up a copy of my book your one word and
for the fun interview that we did on
your channel it was a blast and I’m
excited to see where your channel goes
guys our guest today is Evan Carmichael
and Evan he was recognized by Forbes as
one of the world’s top 40 social
marketing talents inc magazine rated him
as one of the top 25 social media
keynote speakers you need to know and he
had recently published a book called
your one-word so thank you guys so much
for watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon
I have a pad of post-it oh yes posted
notes next to my sink in at my bathroom
why well because after I brush my teeth
haven’t looked at my phone yet
I take a post-it note out and I write
the three things I need to focus on
today and then you know what I do with
it
extra get on the bathroom my phone now
why would I do that
because I have my phone with me all the
time and so if it’s on the back of my
phone I’m going to get a visual cue to
remind me to keep the top of mind so I
stay focused on it how is it that you
see something larger for yourself well
the first thing that you have to do the
very first thing is you have to get out
of the week successful people are all in
the weeds the busier you are the more
you have going on you know that old
saying that everybody says don’t work in
your business work on your business we
are all in the weeds and the key to
seeing something larger for yourself is
getting out of the weeds I mean don’t
you feel like this dude I know I do you
know I wake up brush your teeth make the
coffee feed the kids pack the lunches
put them on the bus get in the car text
your friends get some coffee arrive at
work feign interest answer emails update
Facebook make cold calls avoid the
meeting look busy crunch some numbers up
see Facebook get in the car go to
carpool feed your kids feed the dogs
check email update Facebook kiss your
husband climb into bed fool around
are you kidding I’m exhausted
turn off the light I I live in a two
household Thank You entrepreneurial
family I’m exhausted
I’m busy how the heck am I going to see
something larger for my life when I have
a business to run when I have kids to
take care of well you have to get out of
the weeds and you know the truth is
there’s some good news and the good news
is I heard about this pill that’s in
development
you know I know I’m waiting for it too
and you know the problem though is I
think that they’re going to have naming
problems forget it all and it seems like
a kind of a bad name for a pill even
though I might take it now and again so
I thought Before we jump into how you
see something larger I need to yank you
out of the wheels first so I’m going to
give you my advice for what I do in
order to keep myself out of the weeds
you guys don’t need remedial personal
development I got that I just feel
obligated to give you some some
actionable things to do because if you
don’t plan your week out before the week
starts you’re going to be in reactive
mode you’re going to be running around
you’re going to be you’re going to be
chasing down the biggest thing that’s
happening in your life you’re going to
be constantly responding this is one of
the most important things that you can
do if you’re not married if you’re not
living with somebody do it for yourself
plan your week you know this already the
first thing that you need to do is you
start you define what success looks like
for you and it’s not ten million dollars
in the bank I’m sorry it needs to be
something bigger a bigger reason is too
many dolls in the back to me well yeah I
mean the problem is saying it’s ten
million dollars in the bank is that when
you finally get to the ten million
dollars typically those people feel
pretty bankrupt that’s what you’re
saying and that’s what you’re seeing you
absolutely absolutely and so you know
once you define it for yourself I think
the key is how do you then trick
yourself Donny into feeling successful
every single day you know I’ve got a
daughter the plays Rick Ross she’s nine
years old if I said to her I’m only
cheering for you when you score a goal
how do you think she’d feel during the
game she wouldn’t play very well that’s
for sure so you’ve got to figure out how
do you cheer for yourself and how do you
feel successful while you’re playing the
game because it’s not all about the goal
okay and are there any tools to cheer
for myself give me today I want to feel
better inside I’m at home I’m watching
I’m either somebody that’s got the
millions of dollars and it’s not feeling
good or I don’t have those millions of
dollars I’m not feeling good I worry
about the economy around yeah so glad
you asked that I need to know what you
need to do is you have to decide ok this
is where I’m going I’m going for the big
vision of what success is
now do a head-fake with yourself and say
ok let’s just say that I’m actually
already there I have the 10 million
dollars in the bank I’m you know saving
the world what
it is that your version of successes
what are three things that I would
change about this day-to-day how would I
live it to day if I already had all that
stuff what time would I wake up who’s my
first phone call to what did I eat for
breakfast
start living as that success vision now
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