a slave to regret you can’t live with
any regrets it’s important to go through
what’s that believe nation it’s Evan my
one word is believe and I believe in you
I believe you have an amazing gift
inside you that I want to see exploded
onto the world now I started the one
rule series because I see a lot of top
10 videos we make a lot of content here
and people keep asking what are the
rules that come up over and over and
over and over again and so that’s the
point of the one rule series and so
today we’re gonna learn how to have no
regrets joy
how did you go through making the
decision to drop it was a very good job
and take it take this chance it all
seems very obvious now right this many
years later that it paid off but at the
time it was not obvious no no it was and
and and I did do a lot of soul searching
I I went to my boss at the time and I
really liked my job and I told my boss I
was gonna go do this thing start an
internet bookstore and my wife had
already told my wife and she’s like
great let’s go
and I I said so my boss’s gonna do this
he’s like this is a good idea so I think
this is a good idea but would be an even
better idea
for somebody who didn’t already have a
good job and that sort of made some
logical sense to me and he convinced me
to think about it for a couple of days
so I went away I was really trying to
get my head around how to think about
this and I think for me the right way to
make that kind of very personal decision
because those decisions are personal
they’re not like data-driven business
decisions there they are you know what
does your heart say and for me it was I
could the best way to think about it was
to project myself forward to age 80 and
said look when I’m 80 years old I want
to have minimized the number of regrets
that I have I don’t want to be 80 years
old in a quiet moment of reflection
thinking back over my life and and
catalog you a bunch of major regrets and
I think that regrets our biggest regrets
in most cases you can murder somebody
okay you’d regret that but in most cases
our biggest regrets turn out to the acts
of omission
it’s paths not taken and they haunt us
we wonder what would have happened
I loved that person and I never told him
and then they married somebody else I
didn’t you know I didn’t do this and so
that’s the frame of mind that I put
myself in and I and once I did that once
I thought about that way it was
immediately obvious to me I knew that
when I’m 80 I would never regret trying
this thing that I was super excited
about and failing if it failed fine I
would be very proud of the fact when I’m
80 that I tried and I also
knew that it would always haunt me if I
didn’t try and so that would be a regret
it would be a hundred percent chance of
a regret if I didn’t try and basically a
0% chance of regret if I tried and
failed so I think that’s a useful metric
for any important life decision but
veinous booze media the book
yes she’s podcast yes you do a lot yeah
man look here’s what I think I think we
get one at bat um the number one thing
that scares me in life is regret I
really really really don’t want to be on
my deathbed whether that’s tomorrow or
when I’m 97 and think I should have done
that I should like that’s that spooks me
right like hard work
people judging me leaving you know
trolling me on social media like all the
stuff that normal people worry about
I don’t worry about I worry about regret
and so I’m trying to squeeze the
everything out of my life and so yeah I
do a lot one of the things that when
things don’t work out one of the things
I’ve been telling myself and also
thinking about a lot is apart from the
fact of learning which we’ll go into is
just that space I’m actually
understanding that there may be a
different route see we get so attached
to having one route one method one way
of working we believe that there’s only
one pathway to where we want to be
there’s this conveyor belt of things we
have to do whether it’s you know get a
degree find a partner buy a house you
know play golf whatever it is like this
conveyor belt of efficiency and
productivity that we hear that becomes a
part of our natural progression and when
that breaks apart that’s when we start
to worry that’s when we start to think
but notice that then actually it’s a lot
better when that happens earlier in life
see regret has some really important
roles the first one is that it helps us
make sense of the world from our
perspective for one of the first time
see most of us have spent our lives
learning what’s important to us based on
maybe what families or what communities
– what parents taught what education –
whatever it is when you start regretting
something new thing you did something
wrong when
you start thinking that I could have
done something differently you’re making
sense of the world from your perspective
it’s crazy how powerful this is right
you’re starting to make sense of the
world from your perspective the second
thing is it allows you to avoid future
negative behavior if you know you
regretted something why don’t you write
it down right now
right if you regret something write it
down right now because it will teach you
so much in the future you’ve got to
write down the lesson you learn now
otherwise next time when you think
you’re making another tough decision
you’re gonna say to yourself Oh what did
I do lost them how did I not make myself
regret that and then you’re gonna be
upset you’re gonna regret that you
didn’t write it down so write it down
right now there’s so much knowledge out
there so much information so many ways
to get better and we make we make so
many mistakes whether we’re the product
of our mistakes and oftentimes the
lesson is sitting there right in front
of our face it’s there to be learned but
we miss it or we don’t pay attention to
it or we think we know better until it
punches us in the face and the most
important thing to learn is that we have
so much to learn we all do and we can
learn from school and from people and
from experience and we learn from life
but you have to process the information
you have to absorb it you have to accept
it you have to open your mind you got to
free your mind so that you can learn and
make real progress in the
far as regrets and things I wish I would
have done differently of course
hindsight hindsight is twenty-twenty and
looking back of course who wouldn’t want
to take another go at something and
improve on the first try by doing it
again and then why not do it again and
again and again and why not just do it
over and over again until you have it
perfect but the fact is you don’t get
that chance you get one shot one shot at
this gig right here life one life that’s
all you’ve gotten and regret in and of
itself it’s worthless
it does nothing for you in fact the only
valuable thing in regret is the lesson
you learned the knowledge that you
gained but walking around filled with
regret it gets you nothing so learn and
move on
don’t let regret beat you down don’t be
a slave to regret no let it teach you
let it make you better let the fear of
to take action now to become a better
person not filled with regret but filled
with knowledge filled
with knowledge had strength and power
and filled with life have no regrets
if you are afraid of starting something
new if you are thinking about quitting
your business if you’re having a really
hard time with something I’m having a
really hard time making a decision a
framework that might help you is
fast-forward your life to when you’re 80
years old and think back am I gonna
regret not doing this am I gonna regret
not having bet on myself and taking that
chance if you look at people who are on
their deathbed and you look at you know
what they wish they could have changed
on their lives the most common answer
that comes back is I regret that I
didn’t take more chances don’t be that
person
bet on yourself take your chances now
while you can still take your shot one
of my favorite stories is about the
founder of Amazon Jeff Bezos when he was
30 years old he was the youngest ever
vice president his company was an
investment banking company he was making
a six-figure salary and he saw the
growth of the Internet and he said I’m
gonna do this crazy thing and start this
business on the internet I’m gonna quit
my job my high paying job move my wife
to Seattle to start all over again start
from scratch with nothing and start this
Internet company when at the time people
didn’t know about to enjoy saying
whatever
what are you doing Jeff what what the
heck are you doing you what you are on
the fast track man you’re 30 years old
the youngest ever vice president at this
company you’re making six-figure salary
why would you throw it all away to start
this thing on the what’s the internet
are you kidding me
and what helped him make that difficult
decision was that he didn’t want to live
is life with regret I started travelling
I’d been to a bunch of countries really
liked it I lived in West Africa for four
years and started kind of trying to
figure out okay how many countries have
I been to how many countries in the
world are there once I had this
information it was very difficult to do
anything else right because once I had
this information I was like oh I’ve been
to like 50 countries there’s 193
countries it was 192 I would like to
visit a hundred country sometime in my
life I said that goal first you know but
you just said you say I would like to
because I would like to do a lot of
things but I know I want to I feel drawn
to it I feel like this is a goal I’m
gonna you know attach to myself and at
the time it wasn’t public there was just
like a private thing this is before I
was blogging you know and then as I
started getting closer to that goal of
100 countries that’s when I thought well
what’s next because if you’re only going
to half the countries then you’re
missing a lot of challenges and you
could just go to easy places so that’s
when I so I had this information of like
okay could I really do you know that was
like could I really go to every country
I don’t know if I could or not like this
is like a huge thing it’s gonna cost a
lot not just in terms of money but also
in terms of time and like sacrifice and
logistics things could go wrong you know
fear but really what it came down to me
too for me was not the fear of something
going wrong along the way once I
actually started thinking about this and
was like maybe I could actually do this
in like seven to eight years if I really
worked at it that what I was afraid of
was not doing it I was afraid of like
you know having this idea and then just
passing on it right you know and just
continuing to travel a little bit I’m
that guy who travels once in a while but
what’s that you know like and then I
didn’t want to get old right and be like
you know oh once no like 10 years ago I
had this idea you know to do something
but I never did anything about it
you know that’s what that’s what drove
me the fear of being ordinary or if not
the fear of regret of not following up
on a dream that I that I had that I knew
like I didn’t know if I could succeed I
thought I might fail but I figured if I
failed I could deal with that you know
but not if I just didn’t do it right
that’s what drove drove it something bad
might happen to you in order to teach
you a lesson to prepare you for
something better later on I know it’s
hard to think like that in the moment of
the bad thing happening but if you
really think about it all the negative
things and the positive things that led
you to where you are today got you to
where you are today and if
for those negative and positive things
you might not be here you might not have
the great job you just got or the little
girl sitting next to you on anything
like you you can’t you can’t you can’t
live with any regrets you know saying
cuz it’s all I saw I learned a process
from the beginning to where you are now
to where you will be you you’re learning
the hallway and you going you gonna drop
some stuff you’re gonna fall on your
face you gonna break some eggs and
that’s just part of what it is to be
alive I don’t think I would change
anything because I think it’s important
to go through life with without any
regrets people have said to me would you
change 98 would you change the red card
against Argentina do I wish it hadn’t
have happened of course but if it hadn’t
have happened would I have been the
player that I am today would have been a
strong person on the field and off the
field I am today so there’s nothing
nothing I regret when I look back on my
NFL career I’ll know without a doubt and
I gave everything I had to help my teams
walk away with a win there were other
players who are more talented but there
was no one who could out prepare me and
because of that I have no regrets
there’s a scripture reading second
Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight
and I have finished the race I have kept
the faith well I fought a good fight I
finished my football race and after 18
years it’s time god bless all of you and
God bless football what I have found in
my life and what I found in my research
which fuelled what I did in my life is
that the people who have the most
courage who are willing to show them be
the most vulnerable are the ones who are
very clear about who the critics are the
ones who reserved seats for them and say
I hear you I get it I know where the
messaging is coming from I’m not I’m not
in I’m not buying it anymore
so to get very clear the last thing
which I think is the hardest is this one
of these seats needs to be reserved for
you one of these seats needs to be
reserved for me I need when we look up
and we’re putting an idea our piece of
art our design forward who do you think
the biggest critic in the arena normally
is yourself and so definitely me like I
have never watched either of those TED
Talks because it’s not in service of the
work for me and I try to do things that
are only in service of my work because
what would what would it serve for me to
watch it I would sit there and go oh my
god suck in your stomach oh my god
that’s not what you’re gonna say you
know we’re so self-critical and one of
the things that I think happens and I
think this happens a lot it happens in
different professions but I think I see
it a lot with creatives is there is an
ideal of what you’re supposed to be and
what a lot of us end up doing is we
orphan the parts of ourselves that don’t
fit what that ideal is supposed to be
and what it leaves when we orphan all
those parts of us is it just leaves the
critic and so reserved in this seat is
this where we came from how we started
our families that’s me the oldest of
the lost years the years where I was so
lost and confused and hurt and
disillusioned that I thought the only
path to freedom was a flock of seagulls
haircut the higher the hair the closer
the people who love us the moments that
make us who we are and in that chair
should be this person the person who
believes in what we’re doing and why
yeah it’s so scary to show up it feels
dangerous to be seen it’s terrifying
but it is not as scary dangerous or
terrifying as getting to the end of our
lives and thinking what if I would have
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
from robert zemeckis on how to not have
regrets but i would love to hear from
you first what did you learn from this
video what are you going to apply
somehow to your life or to your business
I would love love love to know leave it
down in the comments below and when you
write it down it’s much more likely to
stick for yourself as well so make that
commitment in the comments let’s see it
thank you guys so much for watching I
believe in you
I hope you continue to believe in
yourself and whatever your one word is
much love I’ll see you soon and enjoy
I don’t know I’ve never regretted any
movie I’ve ever passed on huh ever
really ever and anyone you’ve ever made
never know not one I’m proud of them all
love them all so you’re very happy man
content
somewhat content
you know happy is a very dangerous word
raise your standard Apple at the core
its core value is that that people need
passion and not one drop of my
self-worth depends on your acceptance of
me
I don’t ever give up I’d have to be dead
or completely incapacitated hey believe
nation if you want to see my all-time
favorite top ten roses success I have a
very special secret video for you these
are the individual clips that I have
personally learned the most from and
applied to my life and my business check the link the description for details