there is a moment in which you are
serving people or you’re trying to
achieve your goal or your dream in which
now it is not a preference it’s a must
right but to use better languaging its
it becomes necessary for us to excel in
this like it’s not a hope anymore it’s
not it should do it it becomes so
necessary that it connects with our
identity that we feel it is necessary
for me to deliver with excellence here
because that is Who I am it’s necessary
for me to deliver with excellence here
because somebody needs me to do well
it’s necessary for me to do well here
because this topic this thing I’m doing
I’m passionate about this I care about
this I want to master this I’m obsessed
with this and it’s necessary for me to
do well because of the time it’s it’s a
deadline or it’s go time or and when all
those come together that’s for that
personal side of this is my identity and
obsessed about it and that other side
where it’s like somebody needs me and
there is a real deadline right in the
middle
that’s performance necessity and we when
we hit that game-changer game-changer
but it is uncomfortable because people
don’t want to exude that much passion
which it becomes obsession because
they’re fearful of their obsessions well
if I’m obsessed about this topic it’s
gonna take away from my family from my
time it’s gonna introduce a lot of you
know fear or a known it’s to meet so
they back off but I tell people all the
time there is a difference between
passion and obsession and high
performers have obsession about the
topic right they are obsessed about the
topic in which they’re trying to learn
master grow into and so that obsession
is real and I tell people the difference
here’s how you know the difference
between the two when you’re passionate
everybody cheers you want they’re stoked
for you oh you found your passion
awesome
follow your passion live with passion be
passionate chase your passions
everything like passion passion passion
passion passion is good like the words
me like yeah it happen right when you’re
obsessed they’re like oh you gonna be so
crazy why can’t she be sadist
why do you always got to get things so
perfect why you spend so much time here
when you’re obsessed people think you’re
nuts so it’s different and it’s like I
always tell people if no one thinks
you’re crazy you’re not yet operating to
the outer limits of your potential
you’re not there yet because somebody in
your life should say man you really care
about this in a like a crazy way and
when you get there you know you found
your thing and not ever you find nobody
finds that I think that’s also why it’s
scary some people go well I’m passionate
or I’m happy but I don’t really obsess
about anything you know most people
obsess about you know their shows on
Netflix
more than their life I know people who
obsess more about their their you know
thread count in their sheets at their
house than they do about the impact of
making in the world why do you think
people can slip into an obsession over
Netflix or whatever or thread count but
they don’t do that for something that
can really change their life feedback
that simply says not what I expected you
to say what do you mean by that because
you know buying something or getting
pulled into Netflix being obsessed about
something that gives you no feedback
it’s not scary a real obsession like
trying to make an impact in the world
you’re getting feedback you try and make
a difference in somebody’s life they’re
gonna tell you that doesn’t resonate
with me Brendon you try to make a
difference in a non-profit you try to
change the world you try to start
something like this and the views come
or they don’t come there’s feedback and
people are terrified it’s one of the
four central fears we all have is
rejection
we’re terrified like to be rejected and
think about if you really want to make
an impact you’re going to get a lot of
judgment you’re gonna get a lot of hate
and ultimately gonna get rejection
people are gonna like just dis Sonia
people are gonna say that’s not good
enough you’re gonna say who do you think
you are and people are so worried about
that that they stop and so it’s easier
things that don’t give you feedback
watch the Netflix don’t give you no
feedback it’s easy there’s more
disappointment there even if you don’t
like the show what do you do just go to
the next show there’s no there’s no
disappointment there you know I think
trying to make an impact there’s a lot
of disappointment and fear and potential
for rejection so people don’t get
obsessed about
making a difference in making an impact
because it can hurt go deep on identity
so you’ve talked about how one of the
scariest things about an obsession is
the way that you tie it to your identity
high performers do that they put
themselves at risk they say like your
own story I’m I am a writer and the day
that you decided you were going to own
that you said that that comes with a
risk one explaining people what that
risk is yeah and then how did you
overcome it and how can other people do
that yeah well imagine like last night
I’m going on the stage right if I if my
identity says I am a public speaker and
it is important for me to be excellent
at this and then I go on stage and I
bomb what does that say about me as a
person so we’ve got about 50 years of
work in psychology the field of
psychology saying do not tie your
efforts to your identity because that
risk of disappointment or rejection you
know if the task fails you shouldn’t
take that is as a defining moment in
which you say I am a failure right so
that’s the risk and that’s what you know
psychologists tell us to be wary of
except it turns out that high performers
flipped out on its face and go well
actually no I do get bothered if it
fails I really get upset about it I am
attached to the process here I I do care
if it turns out well I mean that’s why
they obsess about the details that’s why
they care about excellence is like no
one obsess about the details of cares
about excellence unless it means
something to them and there is a risk
the risk is you over attached to the
process of the outcome with your
identity so that if the processer
outcome goes bad and now you feel bad
about yourself as a human and now you
stop your progress but I also tell
people there’s a balance there
I actually wish more people would attach
some identity to what they’re doing they
wouldn’t go through the motions as much
I mean I think what the world needs less
of is half interested parents who don’t
have an identity that says you know what
I’m gonna be an excellent parent I
we have a lot of CEOs or business boat
people or entrepreneurs who they’ve
never stepped in and said you know what
I’m a CEO I own this business I am
responsible for paying the bills I am
responsible for making the money I’m
responsible for all these people’s
mortgages who work for me like they I
want them to own the identity of a CEO
because most of them if you’re asking
about the identity and their business
they’re kind of like you come to find
they’re kind of approaching it like and
I’ve been hobbyists it’s like if you
want to win your identity has to be tied
into that thing in which you are trying
to succeed at and give to and that takes
a lot of guts to put yourself all in for
something but who’s ever contributed
something with tremendous impact without
being all into it
I’ve never seen it so I think the
message of the book you’re right I’ll
get some flack I’m super sum of a lot of
psychologists say don’t don’t tell
people to tie more of their identity or
my friends who are Buddhists to say but
attachment is the form of all suffering
right and have you not read your
spiritual texts I’m like look out calm
down
I’ve hung out with the Dalai Lama I’m
totally cool but what I’m trying to tell
you is even the Dalai Lama has a
connection with himself as a spiritual
leader his identity is still there that
people you know assume that you know we
have to release ourselves from having
any attachment to something but I’m like
I think we all want to be present and
engaged fully in the things that we are
doing in our lives
and that’s gonna require us to say
psychologically you know what I I am all
in this what I loved in the book is
you’re you were open on the journey of
writing it took about three years if I’m
not mistaken so doing all the research
you’ve collected
however many millions of people that are
in your ecosystem and then you start
systematically actually researching the
data and you can feel that in the book
that you were open to being surprised
you were open to changing your thinking
you talked about going through and
trying to find disconfirming evidence
and not just wanting to be in a vacuum
and and some of the surprises in the
book were really really great and in
that whole concept of obsession I loved
it because it felt so real
you tell your followers one you have to
take ownership right so you give a great
example about you’re in a relationship
with somebody whatever energy you guys
are creating you’re creating that like
don’t think that it’s just objectively
them like you guys are doing it together
and I love that love that in the talk
about how obsession can be useful
because so I’m like that’s really
important to me and I want people to
understand if you want to achieve at the
highest level you’re gonna have to tap
into obsession period yeah and you put a
quote in the book that I think sums it
up perfectly which goes like this and by
the way that the quotes people choose
for books reveal so much and I just kept
taking one after another out of your
book this is from Einstein only one who
devotes himself to a cause with his
whole strength and soul can be a true
master for this reason mastery demands
all of a person yeah I love that all in
you you have to be all-in and is the
hardest thing to do because if it fails
then you can feel like a failure you
know you know when I started my career
and I I really decided to go all-in with
writing and online training this is like
mm probably six I’d gone broke
completely bankrupt and failed
I left my corporate job I had this cushy
kind of corporate job as a consultant
good job
left it to write and I didn’t know how
to make it as writer I want to do
seminars workshops didn’t know how to do
that so I was pretty much a hot mess
ran out of money I got nothing that my
name nothing kind of no positive
prospects no one’s calling me except the
guys who want the money and one night
I’m writing and the apartments are small
on the bed I had my bills my vision
boards all my research on my journals
like the bed was basically the desk the
extended desk and my lady comes in
Denice and she walks past me but she
sees I’m like trying to write so it
doesn’t want to stir me Sukkos crawls
under the covers of the bed and I’m just
typing kind of casually typing away
and I look over and I see my woman
sleeping under my bills and it was just
like you know because none of us want to
see our you know our family suffer
because we are not performing and I was
just like I gotta figure this out and
I’m telling you I wrote more that night
than any night in my entire life next
day I wrote more than ever
that bird life just golden ticket which
came a best-seller and in you know 18
months later because I was like I’m
gonna figure out this online thing I
mean throughout marketing I’m gonna
figure out how to teach I’m gonna go to
train and get paid for it because I’ve
never really unpaid for those things I
said I’m gonna figure out this industry
and I’m gonna make it 18 months later
after her crawling under the bills I
made four point six million dollars
online total transformation people like
how did you do it and like she gave me
as she was my necessity I was not going
to let my woman be in that situation
and she believed in me she supported me
as she she married me and you know but
that was since she was my drive and the
second part was I went all-in with my
identity I said I am going to be a great
writer and I am going to be one of the
greatest online trainers ever was you
know as you said in the intro now we’ve
graduated over two million people have
taken our online courses video series
Natalie I don’t think would have
happened if I hadn’t had the guts and
maybe the no other choice to say this is
who I’m going to be and I’m gonna build
into that and it’s necessary for me to
become that person so let’s go many of
you if you have a big dream a huge goal
you got to become something entirely
above and beyond any strengths you even
know about feel or own and go way beyond
any weaknesses you’ve ever even
addressed or even you know about cuz
you’re gonna discover so many new
strengths and so many new weaknesses on
the path that
it’s almost irrelevant what they are now
it’s what’s the goal and build into that
you know I did know how to write I get a
lot of critics who are like literary
guys about my books because every book
is different right six books all of them
different and the reason they all read
differently is I’m challenging myself as
a writer to develop to get better every
book I write oh I’m gonna write this
like nothing ever written before and I
go to work at building a new skill set
to be able to write like manifesto I
researched for two and a half years just
how to write it Wow not what to write
how how do I get that pentameter how do
i what was the rhythm in which
revolutionist rhetoric was spoken in or
written in just to understand that took
me two and a half years so I have no
conceptual understanding of it it wasn’t
a strength
I didn’t even it was he living on my
radar and what does that process of
skill acquisition look like yeah it
first and foremost starts with
identifying I would need to start with
the skill I would start with the self
you know in the chapter and seeking
clarity we say it’s like what we found
from high performers they’ve identified
these four things they’re they’re more
intentional East four areas number one
is high performers or consistently
seeking clarity in who do I want to be
and I know a lot people do that when
they turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 and
people do that at new years but high
performers are doing that like in every
situation like before I when I walk down
the stairs I was like who do I want to
be in this interview right now with my
friend Tom like I want to do a good job
for him you know I made that performance
necessity on myself like I want to do a
good job so I was like oh I want to be
present I don’t be enthusiastic I want
to be bold like I want to be those
things high performers are constantly
seeking clarity about how they want to
interact with other people and I think a
big development and growth point for
people is determining how do I really
want to treat people when they don’t
agree with me or when they’re hating on
me or when that they’re scouting me or
they’re being mean to me or we’re in a
fight because I think some of those are
the greatest growth areas of our life
and then hype
are very clear about the critical skills
they must develop in order to succeed in
their space learning is the ultimate
lever to leveling up right actually have
a math equation if I may which is where
you’re headed but I loved this equation
so much passion plus growth plus
contribution equals personal
satisfaction yeah yeah it’s like those
all coming together a lot of people have
never experienced and it’s hard for you
and I’d say that’s personal development
guys but it’s true there’s a lot of
people who’ve never had those three
completely lined up so they’re not
satisfied even with their job or their
career or their life because the passion
isn’t there even if the passions that I
don’t feel like they’re growing but
everybody I talk to do you remember that
first personal vow in book you read
during that first time you wrote tons of
notes about what you wanted your life to
be about do remember that first time you
watch the movie inspired you to go
change
there was fire there because that
learning it opened up your mind to a new
level of existence for you and soon as
you saw it you were like ooh and bishan
hit your heart and now if you can match
it with contribution and you can see how
that passion or that fire or that
learning or that growth all aligns to
some type of impact now you’re getting
me fired up because now I can see the
outcome of all the work a lot of people
don’t do the work because they don’t
believe the outcome that’s interesting
you know if in psychologists talk about
the power of expectancy when we talk
about motivation there’s only two things
that spark motivation one is ambition
and that is I want more of or I want a
greater depth of right I want a greater
depth of connection with my lady
that’s ambition or I wanted a better
meditative practice that’s ambition all
right I want to be better at my job
that’s a mission so it starts with
ambition but ambition if it’s not
coupled with what they call expectancy
in psychology you’re screwed
expectancy says I believe that I can
figure that out I believe that I can
achieve that I believe that that is
possible for me because if we don’t
believe it’s possible for me you can
show them all the results from a
people right how many people say I want
to get in great shape you know I’m Tom
I’m a Newt ketosis I’m doing the ketosis
thing man and they hop on your Instagram
and but and they see and they see the
cuts they see the changes they see the
transformations but they don’t believe
it’s possible for them so they don’t try
expectancy is their problem you gotta
bust through the beliefs to get them to
understand and it is possible for them
not for other people for them and if you
can open that gate for somebody and
often that’s only achieved through
learning then you get somebody who
starts really moving ahead forward I
mean really moving ahead like the second
to go
wait that’s possible for me they’ll try
50 stupid things right they’ll try
anything but if they don’t leave spots
over them they’ll just quit do you have
within this context well obviously seek
help is first and foremost yeah but
beyond that what what does that
rebuilding process look like for
somebody who’s trapped in depression and
suicidal thoughts yeah I’ve been there a
lot in my life especially before my car
accident in my teenage years then the
first woman I ever loved
we had a big breakup and that breakup
sent me down in depression and suicide
planning and it’s tough to dispense
advice to people other than get help and
I’ll share why because that time in my
life I had so many people coming up to
me you know my friends would come into
my dorm room let’s go do something and
you just they’re just the hope is lost
and what people I think made a mistake
of trying to do is hype people up
everything’s gonna be okay gonna be
great and what people need who are
suicidal is serious psychological
intervention they need to seek support
and help and outside of that when they
do get that support the first thing a
great therapist is going to do outside
of the emotional reflection work of why
are you here and what has caused this
sort of pattern for you
they’re going to get you starting to get
some momentum the most important thing
is when you are super down outside of
finding that emotional reasoning for
where you are is to start getting
momentum because with momentum comes
hope with momentum comes motivation with
momentum comes you know that feeling
that there’s a reason for tomorrow and
so it’s as simple as just saying okay
what are three things I’m gonna do today
and I don’t mean that like a lot of
personal development guys would say like
that we’re three big goals for the day
are I’m like dude sometimes that first
goal is I’m gonna shower today I’m
really in shower today I’m gonna walk
the library I’m gonna come home and
that’s all they got like literally
that’s all they got and you gotta honor
that struggle when you’re in that place
like know that where you’re at it is
okay that you’re there and now you’re
gonna need help and now you’re gonna
have to set up some daily practices just
everyday win a little bit not like when
your dreams not like crush new goals not
like be badass not like no just momentum
man you know most of the guys I’ve dealt
with in that position who were suicidal
outside of their therapeutic work I said
the most important thing you can do is
win the morning just win the morning man
I think that’s true for all of us even
high performers like I don’t have my
morning routine game I feel you know out
of sorts so I think it’s true for
everybody you gotta own your morning you
got to win it because that starts and
sets up everything else I know you you
believe that as well like people need
that discipline those routines that will
help the rest of their day go better and
I don’t want to ever be flippant with
the advice to people who are dealing
with that situation outside of get some
help get some momentum and be okay if
that momentum is really small because it
will build to trust that that momentum
builds and trust those gloomy and bad
dark days trust that those are going to
be there they’ll get less and less and
less as you learn how to
but they’re gonna be there and so when
they’re there it’s when they might I
mean outside of teaching people to bring
the joy in my life I teach people honor
the struggle honor the difficulty when
we honor the struggle and said I hate
the struggle we can really achieve
extraordinary things because our mind
sets in the right place it except like
as soon as you honor struggle you accept
that oh of course
there should be struggle here I should I
should honor this process when you go to
the gym to workout you like honor that
this is going to be hard and it honor
that process of getting better and the
more that you bring honor to it the more
your psyche builds with strength and you
get a little bit of that esteem back
because you see yourself engaging
something versus avoiding and running
away you see yourself connecting with
something and giving it reverence yeah
like I have reverence for the
difficulties of life they may be better
so I don’t want a friction free life not
interested in you know the the that I
like to say sometimes it you know the
journey to greatness begins the moment
that are you know deep desires for
comfort and ease are overpowered by our
desires to connect and contribute thank
you so much for thank you so thank you
sure this is somebody you were gonna
want to read this book what I love about
it it is literally an instruction manual
on what to do so he goes into the
research all this stuff is backed up by
what he’s been studying for essentially
20 years they go hardcore for three
years compiling the data it is insanely
usable information and it’s real at
times counterintuitive at times exactly
what you expect but backed up then with
the following steps that you’re gonna
want to take like you said they use
stories and things to really draw you in
I just literally from top to bottom I
was amazed but the best part when you
see the way that this guy lives his life
on camera and off camera it’s all an
echo of the stuff that you see in the
book so you have one shining amazing
incredible example of what this looks
like when it’s taken to the extremes and
if you didn’t hear that the man went
from dead broke in bankruptcy to
multi-millionaire and
18 months by making things a necessity
if you take nothing else out of this
episode necessity you don’t get what you
want you get what you need [Music]
serving people or you’re trying to
achieve your goal or your dream in which
now it is not a preference it’s a must
right but to use better languaging its
it becomes necessary for us to excel in
this like it’s not a hope anymore it’s
not it should do it it becomes so
necessary that it connects with our
identity that we feel it is necessary
for me to deliver with excellence here
because that is Who I am it’s necessary
for me to deliver with excellence here
because somebody needs me to do well
it’s necessary for me to do well here
because this topic this thing I’m doing
I’m passionate about this I care about
this I want to master this I’m obsessed
with this and it’s necessary for me to
do well because of the time it’s it’s a
deadline or it’s go time or and when all
those come together that’s for that
personal side of this is my identity and
obsessed about it and that other side
where it’s like somebody needs me and
there is a real deadline right in the
middle
that’s performance necessity and we when
we hit that game-changer game-changer
but it is uncomfortable because people
don’t want to exude that much passion
which it becomes obsession because
they’re fearful of their obsessions well
if I’m obsessed about this topic it’s
gonna take away from my family from my
time it’s gonna introduce a lot of you
know fear or a known it’s to meet so
they back off but I tell people all the
time there is a difference between
passion and obsession and high
performers have obsession about the
topic right they are obsessed about the
topic in which they’re trying to learn
master grow into and so that obsession
is real and I tell people the difference
here’s how you know the difference
between the two when you’re passionate
everybody cheers you want they’re stoked
for you oh you found your passion
awesome
follow your passion live with passion be
passionate chase your passions
everything like passion passion passion
passion passion is good like the words
me like yeah it happen right when you’re
obsessed they’re like oh you gonna be so
crazy why can’t she be sadist
why do you always got to get things so
perfect why you spend so much time here
when you’re obsessed people think you’re
nuts so it’s different and it’s like I
always tell people if no one thinks
you’re crazy you’re not yet operating to
the outer limits of your potential
you’re not there yet because somebody in
your life should say man you really care
about this in a like a crazy way and
when you get there you know you found
your thing and not ever you find nobody
finds that I think that’s also why it’s
scary some people go well I’m passionate
or I’m happy but I don’t really obsess
about anything you know most people
obsess about you know their shows on
Netflix
more than their life I know people who
obsess more about their their you know
thread count in their sheets at their
house than they do about the impact of
making in the world why do you think
people can slip into an obsession over
Netflix or whatever or thread count but
they don’t do that for something that
can really change their life feedback
that simply says not what I expected you
to say what do you mean by that because
you know buying something or getting
pulled into Netflix being obsessed about
something that gives you no feedback
it’s not scary a real obsession like
trying to make an impact in the world
you’re getting feedback you try and make
a difference in somebody’s life they’re
gonna tell you that doesn’t resonate
with me Brendon you try to make a
difference in a non-profit you try to
change the world you try to start
something like this and the views come
or they don’t come there’s feedback and
people are terrified it’s one of the
four central fears we all have is
rejection
we’re terrified like to be rejected and
think about if you really want to make
an impact you’re going to get a lot of
judgment you’re gonna get a lot of hate
and ultimately gonna get rejection
people are gonna like just dis Sonia
people are gonna say that’s not good
enough you’re gonna say who do you think
you are and people are so worried about
that that they stop and so it’s easier
things that don’t give you feedback
watch the Netflix don’t give you no
feedback it’s easy there’s more
disappointment there even if you don’t
like the show what do you do just go to
the next show there’s no there’s no
disappointment there you know I think
trying to make an impact there’s a lot
of disappointment and fear and potential
for rejection so people don’t get
obsessed about
making a difference in making an impact
because it can hurt go deep on identity
so you’ve talked about how one of the
scariest things about an obsession is
the way that you tie it to your identity
high performers do that they put
themselves at risk they say like your
own story I’m I am a writer and the day
that you decided you were going to own
that you said that that comes with a
risk one explaining people what that
risk is yeah and then how did you
overcome it and how can other people do
that yeah well imagine like last night
I’m going on the stage right if I if my
identity says I am a public speaker and
it is important for me to be excellent
at this and then I go on stage and I
bomb what does that say about me as a
person so we’ve got about 50 years of
work in psychology the field of
psychology saying do not tie your
efforts to your identity because that
risk of disappointment or rejection you
know if the task fails you shouldn’t
take that is as a defining moment in
which you say I am a failure right so
that’s the risk and that’s what you know
psychologists tell us to be wary of
except it turns out that high performers
flipped out on its face and go well
actually no I do get bothered if it
fails I really get upset about it I am
attached to the process here I I do care
if it turns out well I mean that’s why
they obsess about the details that’s why
they care about excellence is like no
one obsess about the details of cares
about excellence unless it means
something to them and there is a risk
the risk is you over attached to the
process of the outcome with your
identity so that if the processer
outcome goes bad and now you feel bad
about yourself as a human and now you
stop your progress but I also tell
people there’s a balance there
I actually wish more people would attach
some identity to what they’re doing they
wouldn’t go through the motions as much
I mean I think what the world needs less
of is half interested parents who don’t
have an identity that says you know what
I’m gonna be an excellent parent I
we have a lot of CEOs or business boat
people or entrepreneurs who they’ve
never stepped in and said you know what
I’m a CEO I own this business I am
responsible for paying the bills I am
responsible for making the money I’m
responsible for all these people’s
mortgages who work for me like they I
want them to own the identity of a CEO
because most of them if you’re asking
about the identity and their business
they’re kind of like you come to find
they’re kind of approaching it like and
I’ve been hobbyists it’s like if you
want to win your identity has to be tied
into that thing in which you are trying
to succeed at and give to and that takes
a lot of guts to put yourself all in for
something but who’s ever contributed
something with tremendous impact without
being all into it
I’ve never seen it so I think the
message of the book you’re right I’ll
get some flack I’m super sum of a lot of
psychologists say don’t don’t tell
people to tie more of their identity or
my friends who are Buddhists to say but
attachment is the form of all suffering
right and have you not read your
spiritual texts I’m like look out calm
down
I’ve hung out with the Dalai Lama I’m
totally cool but what I’m trying to tell
you is even the Dalai Lama has a
connection with himself as a spiritual
leader his identity is still there that
people you know assume that you know we
have to release ourselves from having
any attachment to something but I’m like
I think we all want to be present and
engaged fully in the things that we are
doing in our lives
and that’s gonna require us to say
psychologically you know what I I am all
in this what I loved in the book is
you’re you were open on the journey of
writing it took about three years if I’m
not mistaken so doing all the research
you’ve collected
however many millions of people that are
in your ecosystem and then you start
systematically actually researching the
data and you can feel that in the book
that you were open to being surprised
you were open to changing your thinking
you talked about going through and
trying to find disconfirming evidence
and not just wanting to be in a vacuum
and and some of the surprises in the
book were really really great and in
that whole concept of obsession I loved
it because it felt so real
you tell your followers one you have to
take ownership right so you give a great
example about you’re in a relationship
with somebody whatever energy you guys
are creating you’re creating that like
don’t think that it’s just objectively
them like you guys are doing it together
and I love that love that in the talk
about how obsession can be useful
because so I’m like that’s really
important to me and I want people to
understand if you want to achieve at the
highest level you’re gonna have to tap
into obsession period yeah and you put a
quote in the book that I think sums it
up perfectly which goes like this and by
the way that the quotes people choose
for books reveal so much and I just kept
taking one after another out of your
book this is from Einstein only one who
devotes himself to a cause with his
whole strength and soul can be a true
master for this reason mastery demands
all of a person yeah I love that all in
you you have to be all-in and is the
hardest thing to do because if it fails
then you can feel like a failure you
know you know when I started my career
and I I really decided to go all-in with
writing and online training this is like
mm probably six I’d gone broke
completely bankrupt and failed
I left my corporate job I had this cushy
kind of corporate job as a consultant
good job
left it to write and I didn’t know how
to make it as writer I want to do
seminars workshops didn’t know how to do
that so I was pretty much a hot mess
ran out of money I got nothing that my
name nothing kind of no positive
prospects no one’s calling me except the
guys who want the money and one night
I’m writing and the apartments are small
on the bed I had my bills my vision
boards all my research on my journals
like the bed was basically the desk the
extended desk and my lady comes in
Denice and she walks past me but she
sees I’m like trying to write so it
doesn’t want to stir me Sukkos crawls
under the covers of the bed and I’m just
typing kind of casually typing away
and I look over and I see my woman
sleeping under my bills and it was just
like you know because none of us want to
see our you know our family suffer
because we are not performing and I was
just like I gotta figure this out and
I’m telling you I wrote more that night
than any night in my entire life next
day I wrote more than ever
that bird life just golden ticket which
came a best-seller and in you know 18
months later because I was like I’m
gonna figure out this online thing I
mean throughout marketing I’m gonna
figure out how to teach I’m gonna go to
train and get paid for it because I’ve
never really unpaid for those things I
said I’m gonna figure out this industry
and I’m gonna make it 18 months later
after her crawling under the bills I
made four point six million dollars
online total transformation people like
how did you do it and like she gave me
as she was my necessity I was not going
to let my woman be in that situation
and she believed in me she supported me
as she she married me and you know but
that was since she was my drive and the
second part was I went all-in with my
identity I said I am going to be a great
writer and I am going to be one of the
greatest online trainers ever was you
know as you said in the intro now we’ve
graduated over two million people have
taken our online courses video series
Natalie I don’t think would have
happened if I hadn’t had the guts and
maybe the no other choice to say this is
who I’m going to be and I’m gonna build
into that and it’s necessary for me to
become that person so let’s go many of
you if you have a big dream a huge goal
you got to become something entirely
above and beyond any strengths you even
know about feel or own and go way beyond
any weaknesses you’ve ever even
addressed or even you know about cuz
you’re gonna discover so many new
strengths and so many new weaknesses on
the path that
it’s almost irrelevant what they are now
it’s what’s the goal and build into that
you know I did know how to write I get a
lot of critics who are like literary
guys about my books because every book
is different right six books all of them
different and the reason they all read
differently is I’m challenging myself as
a writer to develop to get better every
book I write oh I’m gonna write this
like nothing ever written before and I
go to work at building a new skill set
to be able to write like manifesto I
researched for two and a half years just
how to write it Wow not what to write
how how do I get that pentameter how do
i what was the rhythm in which
revolutionist rhetoric was spoken in or
written in just to understand that took
me two and a half years so I have no
conceptual understanding of it it wasn’t
a strength
I didn’t even it was he living on my
radar and what does that process of
skill acquisition look like yeah it
first and foremost starts with
identifying I would need to start with
the skill I would start with the self
you know in the chapter and seeking
clarity we say it’s like what we found
from high performers they’ve identified
these four things they’re they’re more
intentional East four areas number one
is high performers or consistently
seeking clarity in who do I want to be
and I know a lot people do that when
they turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 and
people do that at new years but high
performers are doing that like in every
situation like before I when I walk down
the stairs I was like who do I want to
be in this interview right now with my
friend Tom like I want to do a good job
for him you know I made that performance
necessity on myself like I want to do a
good job so I was like oh I want to be
present I don’t be enthusiastic I want
to be bold like I want to be those
things high performers are constantly
seeking clarity about how they want to
interact with other people and I think a
big development and growth point for
people is determining how do I really
want to treat people when they don’t
agree with me or when they’re hating on
me or when that they’re scouting me or
they’re being mean to me or we’re in a
fight because I think some of those are
the greatest growth areas of our life
and then hype
are very clear about the critical skills
they must develop in order to succeed in
their space learning is the ultimate
lever to leveling up right actually have
a math equation if I may which is where
you’re headed but I loved this equation
so much passion plus growth plus
contribution equals personal
satisfaction yeah yeah it’s like those
all coming together a lot of people have
never experienced and it’s hard for you
and I’d say that’s personal development
guys but it’s true there’s a lot of
people who’ve never had those three
completely lined up so they’re not
satisfied even with their job or their
career or their life because the passion
isn’t there even if the passions that I
don’t feel like they’re growing but
everybody I talk to do you remember that
first personal vow in book you read
during that first time you wrote tons of
notes about what you wanted your life to
be about do remember that first time you
watch the movie inspired you to go
change
there was fire there because that
learning it opened up your mind to a new
level of existence for you and soon as
you saw it you were like ooh and bishan
hit your heart and now if you can match
it with contribution and you can see how
that passion or that fire or that
learning or that growth all aligns to
some type of impact now you’re getting
me fired up because now I can see the
outcome of all the work a lot of people
don’t do the work because they don’t
believe the outcome that’s interesting
you know if in psychologists talk about
the power of expectancy when we talk
about motivation there’s only two things
that spark motivation one is ambition
and that is I want more of or I want a
greater depth of right I want a greater
depth of connection with my lady
that’s ambition or I wanted a better
meditative practice that’s ambition all
right I want to be better at my job
that’s a mission so it starts with
ambition but ambition if it’s not
coupled with what they call expectancy
in psychology you’re screwed
expectancy says I believe that I can
figure that out I believe that I can
achieve that I believe that that is
possible for me because if we don’t
believe it’s possible for me you can
show them all the results from a
people right how many people say I want
to get in great shape you know I’m Tom
I’m a Newt ketosis I’m doing the ketosis
thing man and they hop on your Instagram
and but and they see and they see the
cuts they see the changes they see the
transformations but they don’t believe
it’s possible for them so they don’t try
expectancy is their problem you gotta
bust through the beliefs to get them to
understand and it is possible for them
not for other people for them and if you
can open that gate for somebody and
often that’s only achieved through
learning then you get somebody who
starts really moving ahead forward I
mean really moving ahead like the second
to go
wait that’s possible for me they’ll try
50 stupid things right they’ll try
anything but if they don’t leave spots
over them they’ll just quit do you have
within this context well obviously seek
help is first and foremost yeah but
beyond that what what does that
rebuilding process look like for
somebody who’s trapped in depression and
suicidal thoughts yeah I’ve been there a
lot in my life especially before my car
accident in my teenage years then the
first woman I ever loved
we had a big breakup and that breakup
sent me down in depression and suicide
planning and it’s tough to dispense
advice to people other than get help and
I’ll share why because that time in my
life I had so many people coming up to
me you know my friends would come into
my dorm room let’s go do something and
you just they’re just the hope is lost
and what people I think made a mistake
of trying to do is hype people up
everything’s gonna be okay gonna be
great and what people need who are
suicidal is serious psychological
intervention they need to seek support
and help and outside of that when they
do get that support the first thing a
great therapist is going to do outside
of the emotional reflection work of why
are you here and what has caused this
sort of pattern for you
they’re going to get you starting to get
some momentum the most important thing
is when you are super down outside of
finding that emotional reasoning for
where you are is to start getting
momentum because with momentum comes
hope with momentum comes motivation with
momentum comes you know that feeling
that there’s a reason for tomorrow and
so it’s as simple as just saying okay
what are three things I’m gonna do today
and I don’t mean that like a lot of
personal development guys would say like
that we’re three big goals for the day
are I’m like dude sometimes that first
goal is I’m gonna shower today I’m
really in shower today I’m gonna walk
the library I’m gonna come home and
that’s all they got like literally
that’s all they got and you gotta honor
that struggle when you’re in that place
like know that where you’re at it is
okay that you’re there and now you’re
gonna need help and now you’re gonna
have to set up some daily practices just
everyday win a little bit not like when
your dreams not like crush new goals not
like be badass not like no just momentum
man you know most of the guys I’ve dealt
with in that position who were suicidal
outside of their therapeutic work I said
the most important thing you can do is
win the morning just win the morning man
I think that’s true for all of us even
high performers like I don’t have my
morning routine game I feel you know out
of sorts so I think it’s true for
everybody you gotta own your morning you
got to win it because that starts and
sets up everything else I know you you
believe that as well like people need
that discipline those routines that will
help the rest of their day go better and
I don’t want to ever be flippant with
the advice to people who are dealing
with that situation outside of get some
help get some momentum and be okay if
that momentum is really small because it
will build to trust that that momentum
builds and trust those gloomy and bad
dark days trust that those are going to
be there they’ll get less and less and
less as you learn how to
but they’re gonna be there and so when
they’re there it’s when they might I
mean outside of teaching people to bring
the joy in my life I teach people honor
the struggle honor the difficulty when
we honor the struggle and said I hate
the struggle we can really achieve
extraordinary things because our mind
sets in the right place it except like
as soon as you honor struggle you accept
that oh of course
there should be struggle here I should I
should honor this process when you go to
the gym to workout you like honor that
this is going to be hard and it honor
that process of getting better and the
more that you bring honor to it the more
your psyche builds with strength and you
get a little bit of that esteem back
because you see yourself engaging
something versus avoiding and running
away you see yourself connecting with
something and giving it reverence yeah
like I have reverence for the
difficulties of life they may be better
so I don’t want a friction free life not
interested in you know the the that I
like to say sometimes it you know the
journey to greatness begins the moment
that are you know deep desires for
comfort and ease are overpowered by our
desires to connect and contribute thank
you so much for thank you so thank you
sure this is somebody you were gonna
want to read this book what I love about
it it is literally an instruction manual
on what to do so he goes into the
research all this stuff is backed up by
what he’s been studying for essentially
20 years they go hardcore for three
years compiling the data it is insanely
usable information and it’s real at
times counterintuitive at times exactly
what you expect but backed up then with
the following steps that you’re gonna
want to take like you said they use
stories and things to really draw you in
I just literally from top to bottom I
was amazed but the best part when you
see the way that this guy lives his life
on camera and off camera it’s all an
echo of the stuff that you see in the
book so you have one shining amazing
incredible example of what this looks
like when it’s taken to the extremes and
if you didn’t hear that the man went
from dead broke in bankruptcy to
multi-millionaire and
18 months by making things a necessity
if you take nothing else out of this
episode necessity you don’t get what you
want you get what you need [Music]
Please follow and like us: