so a question that sort of comes up a
lot is what advice would you give your
younger self and if I would give that
advice I would I would like to tell
myself that you don’t have to know all
the answers and you don’t have to
pretend that you do because I spent many
years thinking that I had to have all
the answers and if I didn’t I pretended
that I did and it wasn’t until that
valuable lesson that I learned later in
life
did it change the course of my life and
so I thought what I would do today is
just share a few stories a few things
that I’ve learned along the way some of
them big ideas some of them small that
have helped mold my perspective on the
world and hopefully it’ll give you
something to take away as you go on to
your next challenge the first one is all
about perspective and going after the
things that you want in Central Park the
New York Road Runners Association hosts
races on the weekends and one weekend I
ran a race with one of my friends and at
the end of the race which they sometimes
did they had a sponsor who would give
away something apples or bagels or
whatever it was and on this particular
day they were giving away free bagels so
we’d finish the race and you sort of can
imagine the scene it was cafeteria
tables lined up next to each other with
boxes of bagels across the cafeteria
tables a line of volunteers on one side
of the table and a much longer line of
runners hoping to get a free bagel so I
said to my friend let’s get a bagel and
he looked at me and he said nah man the
lines too long and I looked at him and I
said it’s a free bagel and he said I
don’t want to stand in line and I looked
at him again I said free bagel
and that’s what I realized there’s two
ways you can see the world you can see
the thing that you want or you can see
the thing that’s standing in the way of
the thing that you want I could only see
the bagels and he could only see the
line and people who can see the bagel
people who can see the thing that they
want the things that are getting in the
way are actually diminished in size
they’re just obstacles to go over or
around it’s an opportunity for invention
or innovation whereas people who can
only see the obstacle and literally lose
sight of why they set out on the journey
in the first place they become stunted
by fear or overwhelmed by the challenge
ahead of them so advice that I learned
so a few years ago I was watching on TV
the London Olympics and I realized I
sort of noticed all of the journalists
would ask all of the athletes the same
question were you nervous or are you
nervous and astonishingly all the
athletes gave the exact same answer no I
was excited in other words if you think
about what the characteristics of
nervousness is right one of the
characters is weather of nervousness are
I should probably get my grammar right
scholars like yourselves I know you’ve
thought it subject firm agreement Simon
I got it so if you think about what the
characteristics of nervousness are right
your heart starts pounding your hands
may get a little clammy you start
thinking ahead about what will happen
well what are the correct
characteristics of excitement your heart
starts pounding your hands may get a
little clammy you start looking forward
to what may happen in other words it’s
the exact same thing and what these
elite athletes had done either naturally
or they trained themselves to do was to
interpret nerves as excitement so of
course I tested it I was on a plane and
it got really bumpy and I gripped the
seat and I got nervous and I said out
and I felt fine
so you’re gonna face some of the biggest
challenges of your life as you go
forward you think this was the hard
stuff this was the easy stuff so before
you see anything as you’re going for
your bagel and you start to get nervous
just remind yourself this is exciting
perspective matters the United States
Navy SEALs are considered one of the
most elite forces in the world one of
the highest performing groups of people
on the planet to become a Navy SEAL they
have to go through something called
bud’s
which is a multi-month selection process
which destroys their bodies and the vast
majority of people will drop out and
never become seals because it is so
aggressive a former SEAL was asked what
kind of person makes it through buds and
the seal responded I can’t tell you the
kind of people that make it through but
I can tell you that kind of people that
don’t make it through he said the
preening leaders who like to delegate
everything none of those guys make it
through
he said the star college athletes who’ve
never really been tested to the core of
their being none of those guys make it
through he said the guys that show up
with bulging muscles covered in tattoos
who want to show everybody how tough
they are none of those guys make it
through he said some of the guys who
become seals or skinny and scrawny he
said some of the guys who become seals
you will actually see them shivering out
of fear he said but there’s one thing
they all have in common
he said when they’re emotionally
exhausted when they’re physically
exhausted when they have absolutely
nothing left to give every single one of
them is able to dig down deep inside of
themselves to find the energy to help
the guy next to them those
guys that become seals in other words
the highest performing teams on the
planet they’re not the strongest they’re
not the smartest they’re not the fastest
the highest performing teams on the
planet are the ones who give to each
other
selflessly they commit themselves to
taking care of each other and this is
what makes a great team never forget you
are here because someone took care of
you and you have a responsibility to
take care of others this is what makes
we’re often told that we all have to be
better listeners you should listen more
we’re often told but the problem is as
human beings we communicate and
communication involves both listening
and speaking
so simply telling people to be a better
listener it’s actually not very helpful
advice Nelson Mandela is regarded as one
of the world’s great leaders and the
reason Nelson Mandela is a very
important case study is because he is
universally regarded as a great leader
no matter what country you go to in the
world people will acknowledge his
leadership ability other leaders
depending on the nations you go to it
changes but Nelson Mandela is
universally regarded as a great leader
which is why he’s an important case and
a journalist once asked him how did you
become a great leader now Mandela
actually grew up the son of a tribal
chief and he said to this journalist I
remember when I was a boy I would attend
tribal meetings with my father and I
always remember two things one they
always sat in a circle and my father was
always the last to speak and this is
what it means to be a great listener it
doesn’t mean you don’t have the
opportunity to speak it means you allow
others to speak before you it is one of
the greatest skills you will ever learn
to allow others to feel heard it’s the
great leaders who do not start the
conversation they end it for one you get
all the benefit of all of the smart
people in the room but most importantly
most importantly the people who are
there to work with you will feel heard
and even if we know the answer simply
walking into a meeting walking into a
classroom to impress everybody that you
have the answer makes others feel bad
and they won’t want to help you in the
future practice being the last to speak
when you’re on a team
it’s a remarkable remarkable skill so
I’ll tell you another story it’s a
personal story it’s not one that I share
very often
and it profoundly changed the course of
my life in August of 2011 I had the
opportunity to visit Afghanistan with
the United States Air Force I had done
some work with the mobility forces these
the people that fly the tankers and the
cargo planes and Air Force One
all the big planes and the general said
to me Simon you’ve gotten to know us
quite well it would mean a lot to me if
you would go to either Iraq or
Afghanistan to see our men and women
perform their mission would you be
willing to go so I said yes
they picked Afghanistan now I didn’t
tell my parents where I was going
because I didn’t want them to worry I
told them I was going away with the Air
Force true I told them I was going to be
out of touch for a while because I was
gonna be on a lot of planes true I told
them I was going to Germany true I just
didn’t tell them from Germany I was
going to Afghanistan and I had no
responsibility I was simply going as an
observer I had two officers who were
assigned to be my escorts and we met
basically for the first time at Penn
Station in Philadelphia where we drove
to Dover Air Force Base where we would
leave for Germany we took a big c5 cargo
plane in Germany we changed planes and
we got on a kc-135 tanker built in 1956
I was on a plane built in 1956 where we
flew to Bagram we landed in the middle
of the night we touched down and the big
door in the side of the plane had opened
but we hadn’t gotten off the plane yet
we’d been on the we’d been on the ground
for maybe ten minutes and the base came
under rocket attack three rockets hit a
hundred yards off our nose this is how
my trip began now if you’ve ever been in
a war zone for those of you in the room
who have ever been in a war zone you
have you know this you have all the
feelings you’re supposed to have you
just don’t have them at the right times
weirdly I was incredibly relaxed and
maybe that’s because the people I was
with were in
relaxed and I felt safe we’re event the
panic came later we’re eventually given
the all-clear and we went to our housing
now the purpose of being in Afghanistan
we were gonna be in the country for up
to 30 hours and the goal was to witness
an airdrop mission they’re not regularly
scheduled so we had to find out if there
was one as soon as we got there and it
turns out there was one first thing in
the morning so we got about two and a
half hours three hours of sleep and we
went and got on this airdrop mission
which was incredible we sat in the back
of a c-17 we flew about an hour and a
half two hours out to the middle of
nowhere Afghanistan the plane dropped
down to about 2,000 feet the back door
opened and we sat there and watched as
cargo flew at the back so we could
resupply an army Forward Operating Base
it was an amazing amazing experience we
then flew back to Bagram and the goal
was to come back home there’s no
regularly scheduled flight so we have to
sort of find out what flights we can get
on it’s always up to the discretion of
the pilots we found a flight that was
leaving shortly after we got back and so
we asked the pilots and they said
absolutely we can join their flight and
we waited and waited and waited and
waited in a way they didn’t waited and
eventually we got on the plane we were
all strapped in literally five minutes
from leaving and the pilot walked up to
us and said I’m sorry we need to bump
you guys we need to make more room for
stretchers it was carrying wounded
warriors out of out of theatres and they
needed our space if there’s ever a good
reason to get bumped off a plane this
was it so we got off the plane and we
went to look for another flight and
that’s when we found out there were no
other flights until Tuesday and this was
only Saturday I was gonna get stuck in
Afghanistan for at least four days maybe
longer because we don’t know what we’re
gonna get on on Tuesday and I have no
way of telling my parents they’re not
gonna hear from me on the date that I
told them that I would get home
immediately every fiber of my being sank
and I remember becoming completely
panicked and completely preoccupied with
one thing my happiness my safety and my
comfort and I didn’t care who had to go
out of their way to get me what I wanted
I remember there was a public affairs
officer who said I can
to Kyrgyzstan but you don’t have the
right visa and I looked at him and I
said you get me on that plane I don’t
talk to people like that and I could see
myself becoming this person that I hated
some of us in the room have worked for
somebody in our careers who wants the
next promotion and they don’t care that
they have to tie our turn our lives
upside down so they can get what they
want I was becoming that person we went
back to our housing and I lay down on
the bed and closed my eyes my mind was
racing I was convinced that there’d be
another rocket attack on the base I was
convinced that I was gonna get hit I was
convinced that my parents were gonna
find out that I was in Afghanistan when
an armed an Air Force officer knocks on
the door I was convinced paranoia fear
everything that you can imagine swept
over me one of the officers that I was
traveling with said I’m gonna see if I
can get us on another flight and he left
the room the other officer thinking I
was asleep just because my eyes were
closed said well I’m gonna go to the gym
then and he walked out and turned off
the lights for me
I couldn’t sleep my mind was racing all
I wanted to do was get out of there I
regretted saying yes I regretted being
there I didn’t want to be there I’m in
the purpose business I write and talk
about this sense of Y and sense of
purpose in our lives so I started to
remind myself Simon you need to a
purpose you don’t have a purpose you
need a purpose I started inventing one
you’re here to tell their story
it worked for like a few minutes and
then it would slide back into my fear
and panic again and I realized what was
happening to me is I was living the
equivalent of an unfulfilled life
compressed into 24 hours I had an
amazing day I got to see something that
most people will never get to see in
their entire lives except I didn’t want
to wake up and do it again the next day
and I think many of us do the same thing
we can we confuse moments of happiness
with joy and fulfillment we confuse
winning a piece of business getting a
promotion getting an award getting
recognition doing well on a test with
actual deep fulfillment those
experiences are wonderful
happiness is fleeting there’s not a
single person in this room absolutely
zero who’s walking around with an
amazing sense of accomplishment
for that test that you aced a year ago
that feeling is gone fulfilment is
something entirely different it’s
something you carry with you on a daily
basis whether you’re enjoying the day or
not it’s like loving your family you may
not like your family every day but you
love your family every day one is
fleeting the other is lasting and this
is what was happening to me I’d realized
that I had this amazing day and I was
confusing happiness and fulfillment and
so I gave up I lay in that bed paranoid
scared and depressed and I literally
gave up I decided that if I was gonna
get stuck here I might as well make
myself useful and so I decided I was
gonna volunteer I would speak anywhere
they wanted me to speak I would carry
boxes and sweep floors all I wanted to
do was serve some of those amazing
people that I’d met on this trip I
wanted to serve those who served others
and instantly this incredible calm came
over me I was even excited this is what
fulfillment means it’s not the fleeting
Joy’s that we may experience it’s not
the accomplishments that we achieve
it’s the opportunity to serve those who
serve others and upon making this
realization I had nothing but joy and
calm and excitement and peace it was
like a movie the timing was uncanny upon
making this amazing realization the door
flung open and it was major Throckmorton
he said I got us on a flight that’s been
a flight that’s being redirected but we
have to go now we have to go now we
don’t leave now they’re gonna leave
without us where’s Matt
I said he’s at the gym so he ran to the
gym we got him off the treadmill we ran
back no time to shower he put his
uniform back on we grabbed all our stuff
and we ran out to the flight line when
we got out to the flight line we could
see the plane we were gonna go we were
gonna take home see big c-17 it was
sitting right out there on the tarmac
and as soon as we got there a security
cordon came down they wouldn’t let
to the plane because somewhere else on
base they were having a fallen soldier
ceremony and out of respect when they
have the fallen soldiers ceremony
everything stops and so say we we sat on
the curb and waited and I told the guys
what I had gone through in the bed just
moments ago and I cried like a baby and
this is one of the things a lot of
people don’t realize about the military
crying is just fine those guys kept me
safe not just physically they made me
feel safe and I felt totally comfortable
telling them what I was going through
and how I felt
eventually this is what the security
cordon came up and they led us out to
the plane we would be the only three
passengers aboard this plane other than
the crew what I didn’t tell you is the
reason the flight was redirected is
because we would be carrying home the
fallen soldier for whom they just had
the ceremony the army brought the flag
draped casket a bun on board all the Air
Force crew stood in a line at perfect
attention I’m a civilian I put my hand
on my heart I felt kind of stupid so I
stood at attention with the Air Force
crew as the army laid the casket in the
middle of the aircraft they all did a
very slow eight-count salute they
marched off the plane and we watched
them hugging and crying as they walked
away the crew got to work strapping this
precious cargo down we then had a nine
and a half hour overnight flight back to
Germany where I slept right next to this
casket on every other plane I went on we
talked we joked barely a word was spoken
in nearly 10 hours on every other flight
I visited the cockpit and hung out with
the crew I didn’t visit the cockpit once
and I will tell you was one of the
greatest honors of my life
having just gone through this incredibly
strange experience on the ground I had
the honor of bringing home somebody who
understands service much deeper than I
will ever understand it serve those who
serve others and you will live a life of
joy and fulfillment
there was an Under Secretary who was
invited to give a speech at a large
conference about a thousand people and
he was up there on the stage giving his
prepared remarks with his PowerPoint
presentation behind him sipping his
coffee from a Styrofoam cup and upon one
of the slides he looks down and he
smiles and he interrupts himself he says
you know last year I was still the
undersecretary and I spoke that this
exact conference except last year as the
undersecretary they flew me here
business class and when I got to the
airport there was somebody waiting for
me and they drove me to the hotel they
had already checked me in and they took
me up to my room and the next morning
when I came back downstairs
there was somebody waiting in the lobby
for me and they took me to this same
venue where they took me through the
back entrance took me into the green
room and gave me a cup of coffee in a
beautiful ceramic cup
he said I’m no longer the undersecretary
I flew here coach I took a taxi from the
airport to the hotel and I checked
myself in and this morning I took
another taxi to the venue I walked in
the front door found my way backstage
and when I asked somebody backstage do
you have any coffee he pointed to the
coffee machine in the corner and I
poured myself a cup of coffee into this
here Styrofoam cup he said the lesson is
the ceramic cup was never meant for me
it was meant for the position I held I
deserve a Styrofoam cup you’ve achieved
great things graduating and you’re going
to go on to achieve great things and
they will give you accolades and they
will give you awards and they will give
you ceramic cups never lose sight of the
fact that you all we all always deserve a Styrofoam cup good luck to you all
lot is what advice would you give your
younger self and if I would give that
advice I would I would like to tell
myself that you don’t have to know all
the answers and you don’t have to
pretend that you do because I spent many
years thinking that I had to have all
the answers and if I didn’t I pretended
that I did and it wasn’t until that
valuable lesson that I learned later in
life
did it change the course of my life and
so I thought what I would do today is
just share a few stories a few things
that I’ve learned along the way some of
them big ideas some of them small that
have helped mold my perspective on the
world and hopefully it’ll give you
something to take away as you go on to
your next challenge the first one is all
about perspective and going after the
things that you want in Central Park the
New York Road Runners Association hosts
races on the weekends and one weekend I
ran a race with one of my friends and at
the end of the race which they sometimes
did they had a sponsor who would give
away something apples or bagels or
whatever it was and on this particular
day they were giving away free bagels so
we’d finish the race and you sort of can
imagine the scene it was cafeteria
tables lined up next to each other with
boxes of bagels across the cafeteria
tables a line of volunteers on one side
of the table and a much longer line of
runners hoping to get a free bagel so I
said to my friend let’s get a bagel and
he looked at me and he said nah man the
lines too long and I looked at him and I
said it’s a free bagel and he said I
don’t want to stand in line and I looked
at him again I said free bagel
and that’s what I realized there’s two
ways you can see the world you can see
the thing that you want or you can see
the thing that’s standing in the way of
the thing that you want I could only see
the bagels and he could only see the
line and people who can see the bagel
people who can see the thing that they
want the things that are getting in the
way are actually diminished in size
they’re just obstacles to go over or
around it’s an opportunity for invention
or innovation whereas people who can
only see the obstacle and literally lose
sight of why they set out on the journey
in the first place they become stunted
by fear or overwhelmed by the challenge
ahead of them so advice that I learned
so a few years ago I was watching on TV
the London Olympics and I realized I
sort of noticed all of the journalists
would ask all of the athletes the same
question were you nervous or are you
nervous and astonishingly all the
athletes gave the exact same answer no I
was excited in other words if you think
about what the characteristics of
nervousness is right one of the
characters is weather of nervousness are
I should probably get my grammar right
scholars like yourselves I know you’ve
thought it subject firm agreement Simon
I got it so if you think about what the
characteristics of nervousness are right
your heart starts pounding your hands
may get a little clammy you start
thinking ahead about what will happen
well what are the correct
characteristics of excitement your heart
starts pounding your hands may get a
little clammy you start looking forward
to what may happen in other words it’s
the exact same thing and what these
elite athletes had done either naturally
or they trained themselves to do was to
interpret nerves as excitement so of
course I tested it I was on a plane and
it got really bumpy and I gripped the
seat and I got nervous and I said out
and I felt fine
so you’re gonna face some of the biggest
challenges of your life as you go
forward you think this was the hard
stuff this was the easy stuff so before
you see anything as you’re going for
your bagel and you start to get nervous
just remind yourself this is exciting
perspective matters the United States
Navy SEALs are considered one of the
most elite forces in the world one of
the highest performing groups of people
on the planet to become a Navy SEAL they
have to go through something called
bud’s
which is a multi-month selection process
which destroys their bodies and the vast
majority of people will drop out and
never become seals because it is so
aggressive a former SEAL was asked what
kind of person makes it through buds and
the seal responded I can’t tell you the
kind of people that make it through but
I can tell you that kind of people that
don’t make it through he said the
preening leaders who like to delegate
everything none of those guys make it
through
he said the star college athletes who’ve
never really been tested to the core of
their being none of those guys make it
through he said the guys that show up
with bulging muscles covered in tattoos
who want to show everybody how tough
they are none of those guys make it
through he said some of the guys who
become seals or skinny and scrawny he
said some of the guys who become seals
you will actually see them shivering out
of fear he said but there’s one thing
they all have in common
he said when they’re emotionally
exhausted when they’re physically
exhausted when they have absolutely
nothing left to give every single one of
them is able to dig down deep inside of
themselves to find the energy to help
the guy next to them those
guys that become seals in other words
the highest performing teams on the
planet they’re not the strongest they’re
not the smartest they’re not the fastest
the highest performing teams on the
planet are the ones who give to each
other
selflessly they commit themselves to
taking care of each other and this is
what makes a great team never forget you
are here because someone took care of
you and you have a responsibility to
take care of others this is what makes
we’re often told that we all have to be
better listeners you should listen more
we’re often told but the problem is as
human beings we communicate and
communication involves both listening
and speaking
so simply telling people to be a better
listener it’s actually not very helpful
advice Nelson Mandela is regarded as one
of the world’s great leaders and the
reason Nelson Mandela is a very
important case study is because he is
universally regarded as a great leader
no matter what country you go to in the
world people will acknowledge his
leadership ability other leaders
depending on the nations you go to it
changes but Nelson Mandela is
universally regarded as a great leader
which is why he’s an important case and
a journalist once asked him how did you
become a great leader now Mandela
actually grew up the son of a tribal
chief and he said to this journalist I
remember when I was a boy I would attend
tribal meetings with my father and I
always remember two things one they
always sat in a circle and my father was
always the last to speak and this is
what it means to be a great listener it
doesn’t mean you don’t have the
opportunity to speak it means you allow
others to speak before you it is one of
the greatest skills you will ever learn
to allow others to feel heard it’s the
great leaders who do not start the
conversation they end it for one you get
all the benefit of all of the smart
people in the room but most importantly
most importantly the people who are
there to work with you will feel heard
and even if we know the answer simply
walking into a meeting walking into a
classroom to impress everybody that you
have the answer makes others feel bad
and they won’t want to help you in the
future practice being the last to speak
when you’re on a team
it’s a remarkable remarkable skill so
I’ll tell you another story it’s a
personal story it’s not one that I share
very often
and it profoundly changed the course of
my life in August of 2011 I had the
opportunity to visit Afghanistan with
the United States Air Force I had done
some work with the mobility forces these
the people that fly the tankers and the
cargo planes and Air Force One
all the big planes and the general said
to me Simon you’ve gotten to know us
quite well it would mean a lot to me if
you would go to either Iraq or
Afghanistan to see our men and women
perform their mission would you be
willing to go so I said yes
they picked Afghanistan now I didn’t
tell my parents where I was going
because I didn’t want them to worry I
told them I was going away with the Air
Force true I told them I was going to be
out of touch for a while because I was
gonna be on a lot of planes true I told
them I was going to Germany true I just
didn’t tell them from Germany I was
going to Afghanistan and I had no
responsibility I was simply going as an
observer I had two officers who were
assigned to be my escorts and we met
basically for the first time at Penn
Station in Philadelphia where we drove
to Dover Air Force Base where we would
leave for Germany we took a big c5 cargo
plane in Germany we changed planes and
we got on a kc-135 tanker built in 1956
I was on a plane built in 1956 where we
flew to Bagram we landed in the middle
of the night we touched down and the big
door in the side of the plane had opened
but we hadn’t gotten off the plane yet
we’d been on the we’d been on the ground
for maybe ten minutes and the base came
under rocket attack three rockets hit a
hundred yards off our nose this is how
my trip began now if you’ve ever been in
a war zone for those of you in the room
who have ever been in a war zone you
have you know this you have all the
feelings you’re supposed to have you
just don’t have them at the right times
weirdly I was incredibly relaxed and
maybe that’s because the people I was
with were in
relaxed and I felt safe we’re event the
panic came later we’re eventually given
the all-clear and we went to our housing
now the purpose of being in Afghanistan
we were gonna be in the country for up
to 30 hours and the goal was to witness
an airdrop mission they’re not regularly
scheduled so we had to find out if there
was one as soon as we got there and it
turns out there was one first thing in
the morning so we got about two and a
half hours three hours of sleep and we
went and got on this airdrop mission
which was incredible we sat in the back
of a c-17 we flew about an hour and a
half two hours out to the middle of
nowhere Afghanistan the plane dropped
down to about 2,000 feet the back door
opened and we sat there and watched as
cargo flew at the back so we could
resupply an army Forward Operating Base
it was an amazing amazing experience we
then flew back to Bagram and the goal
was to come back home there’s no
regularly scheduled flight so we have to
sort of find out what flights we can get
on it’s always up to the discretion of
the pilots we found a flight that was
leaving shortly after we got back and so
we asked the pilots and they said
absolutely we can join their flight and
we waited and waited and waited and
waited in a way they didn’t waited and
eventually we got on the plane we were
all strapped in literally five minutes
from leaving and the pilot walked up to
us and said I’m sorry we need to bump
you guys we need to make more room for
stretchers it was carrying wounded
warriors out of out of theatres and they
needed our space if there’s ever a good
reason to get bumped off a plane this
was it so we got off the plane and we
went to look for another flight and
that’s when we found out there were no
other flights until Tuesday and this was
only Saturday I was gonna get stuck in
Afghanistan for at least four days maybe
longer because we don’t know what we’re
gonna get on on Tuesday and I have no
way of telling my parents they’re not
gonna hear from me on the date that I
told them that I would get home
immediately every fiber of my being sank
and I remember becoming completely
panicked and completely preoccupied with
one thing my happiness my safety and my
comfort and I didn’t care who had to go
out of their way to get me what I wanted
I remember there was a public affairs
officer who said I can
to Kyrgyzstan but you don’t have the
right visa and I looked at him and I
said you get me on that plane I don’t
talk to people like that and I could see
myself becoming this person that I hated
some of us in the room have worked for
somebody in our careers who wants the
next promotion and they don’t care that
they have to tie our turn our lives
upside down so they can get what they
want I was becoming that person we went
back to our housing and I lay down on
the bed and closed my eyes my mind was
racing I was convinced that there’d be
another rocket attack on the base I was
convinced that I was gonna get hit I was
convinced that my parents were gonna
find out that I was in Afghanistan when
an armed an Air Force officer knocks on
the door I was convinced paranoia fear
everything that you can imagine swept
over me one of the officers that I was
traveling with said I’m gonna see if I
can get us on another flight and he left
the room the other officer thinking I
was asleep just because my eyes were
closed said well I’m gonna go to the gym
then and he walked out and turned off
the lights for me
I couldn’t sleep my mind was racing all
I wanted to do was get out of there I
regretted saying yes I regretted being
there I didn’t want to be there I’m in
the purpose business I write and talk
about this sense of Y and sense of
purpose in our lives so I started to
remind myself Simon you need to a
purpose you don’t have a purpose you
need a purpose I started inventing one
you’re here to tell their story
it worked for like a few minutes and
then it would slide back into my fear
and panic again and I realized what was
happening to me is I was living the
equivalent of an unfulfilled life
compressed into 24 hours I had an
amazing day I got to see something that
most people will never get to see in
their entire lives except I didn’t want
to wake up and do it again the next day
and I think many of us do the same thing
we can we confuse moments of happiness
with joy and fulfillment we confuse
winning a piece of business getting a
promotion getting an award getting
recognition doing well on a test with
actual deep fulfillment those
experiences are wonderful
happiness is fleeting there’s not a
single person in this room absolutely
zero who’s walking around with an
amazing sense of accomplishment
for that test that you aced a year ago
that feeling is gone fulfilment is
something entirely different it’s
something you carry with you on a daily
basis whether you’re enjoying the day or
not it’s like loving your family you may
not like your family every day but you
love your family every day one is
fleeting the other is lasting and this
is what was happening to me I’d realized
that I had this amazing day and I was
confusing happiness and fulfillment and
so I gave up I lay in that bed paranoid
scared and depressed and I literally
gave up I decided that if I was gonna
get stuck here I might as well make
myself useful and so I decided I was
gonna volunteer I would speak anywhere
they wanted me to speak I would carry
boxes and sweep floors all I wanted to
do was serve some of those amazing
people that I’d met on this trip I
wanted to serve those who served others
and instantly this incredible calm came
over me I was even excited this is what
fulfillment means it’s not the fleeting
Joy’s that we may experience it’s not
the accomplishments that we achieve
it’s the opportunity to serve those who
serve others and upon making this
realization I had nothing but joy and
calm and excitement and peace it was
like a movie the timing was uncanny upon
making this amazing realization the door
flung open and it was major Throckmorton
he said I got us on a flight that’s been
a flight that’s being redirected but we
have to go now we have to go now we
don’t leave now they’re gonna leave
without us where’s Matt
I said he’s at the gym so he ran to the
gym we got him off the treadmill we ran
back no time to shower he put his
uniform back on we grabbed all our stuff
and we ran out to the flight line when
we got out to the flight line we could
see the plane we were gonna go we were
gonna take home see big c-17 it was
sitting right out there on the tarmac
and as soon as we got there a security
cordon came down they wouldn’t let
to the plane because somewhere else on
base they were having a fallen soldier
ceremony and out of respect when they
have the fallen soldiers ceremony
everything stops and so say we we sat on
the curb and waited and I told the guys
what I had gone through in the bed just
moments ago and I cried like a baby and
this is one of the things a lot of
people don’t realize about the military
crying is just fine those guys kept me
safe not just physically they made me
feel safe and I felt totally comfortable
telling them what I was going through
and how I felt
eventually this is what the security
cordon came up and they led us out to
the plane we would be the only three
passengers aboard this plane other than
the crew what I didn’t tell you is the
reason the flight was redirected is
because we would be carrying home the
fallen soldier for whom they just had
the ceremony the army brought the flag
draped casket a bun on board all the Air
Force crew stood in a line at perfect
attention I’m a civilian I put my hand
on my heart I felt kind of stupid so I
stood at attention with the Air Force
crew as the army laid the casket in the
middle of the aircraft they all did a
very slow eight-count salute they
marched off the plane and we watched
them hugging and crying as they walked
away the crew got to work strapping this
precious cargo down we then had a nine
and a half hour overnight flight back to
Germany where I slept right next to this
casket on every other plane I went on we
talked we joked barely a word was spoken
in nearly 10 hours on every other flight
I visited the cockpit and hung out with
the crew I didn’t visit the cockpit once
and I will tell you was one of the
greatest honors of my life
having just gone through this incredibly
strange experience on the ground I had
the honor of bringing home somebody who
understands service much deeper than I
will ever understand it serve those who
serve others and you will live a life of
joy and fulfillment
there was an Under Secretary who was
invited to give a speech at a large
conference about a thousand people and
he was up there on the stage giving his
prepared remarks with his PowerPoint
presentation behind him sipping his
coffee from a Styrofoam cup and upon one
of the slides he looks down and he
smiles and he interrupts himself he says
you know last year I was still the
undersecretary and I spoke that this
exact conference except last year as the
undersecretary they flew me here
business class and when I got to the
airport there was somebody waiting for
me and they drove me to the hotel they
had already checked me in and they took
me up to my room and the next morning
when I came back downstairs
there was somebody waiting in the lobby
for me and they took me to this same
venue where they took me through the
back entrance took me into the green
room and gave me a cup of coffee in a
beautiful ceramic cup
he said I’m no longer the undersecretary
I flew here coach I took a taxi from the
airport to the hotel and I checked
myself in and this morning I took
another taxi to the venue I walked in
the front door found my way backstage
and when I asked somebody backstage do
you have any coffee he pointed to the
coffee machine in the corner and I
poured myself a cup of coffee into this
here Styrofoam cup he said the lesson is
the ceramic cup was never meant for me
it was meant for the position I held I
deserve a Styrofoam cup you’ve achieved
great things graduating and you’re going
to go on to achieve great things and
they will give you accolades and they
will give you awards and they will give
you ceramic cups never lose sight of the
fact that you all we all always deserve a Styrofoam cup good luck to you all
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