so one of the biggest challenges about
businesses when you work with your own
family and you know you hear two
different schools of thoughts somebody
says there’s a group of people that say
you should never ever ever work with
your family never ever work with your
family and then you have folks that say
I love working my family but there’s a
formula on how this works look I’m going
to tell you from personal experience the
first time I work with my family I made
every single possible mistake you can
make and it was I failed miserably is
when I felt miserable II my sister and I
were in business together back in 2003
or 2004 and it didn’t work out because I
was not mature enough as an entrepreneur
to be able to work with family I made so
many different mistakes and over the
years progressing and now my sister and
I are back in business together in
different types of a-rollin I’ll explain
all the different parts and how you go
about doing actually that’s very good
for herself she runs her own a financial
practice out of Valencia California has
her own office here in our husband Co
McFarland & Co Mac matter-of-fact you
can go online and look up some of our
content what would it be under would it
be pull its ability money words of
affirmation some like that you can see
what she does we’ll put a link on the
bottom as well with that but how do you
work with family so let’s start off
first of all there’s different roles
when you’re working with family the most
common role that you have may be you
know a brother and a sister starting a
business together and it’s 50/50 so it’s
financial business partner that’s one
the second one may be a father hires a
son to work for him a brother hires a
sister to work for her for him as a home
office support employee then it’s you
know a sales relationship you’re working
on the sales team selling a product etc
etc etc I’m going to try to explain
every one of these points that I have on
how to make that relationship being
better and where the mistakes are
commonly made so that will help out on
each one of these relationships how to
go about Doudna so let’s start off with
the most importantly number one the
place where the biggest mistakes happen
the place where you hear brothers and
sisters never talking to each other
brother and brother mom and dad son and
father you know
uncle and nephew they don’t talk to each
other in the more it comes number one is
money problems money financial problems
is the one thing above everything when
you work together and unfortunately have
friends who who have businesses and one
of the the individual that I was talking
to you know he had a relative that was
working inside and it was a cash
business and every month he got caught
stealing cash and ended up being very
big turmoil because then the other
person was working there they had to
make something work and that person had
to go and then you know he was
frustrated he was furious and what that
happened and how that took place and you
hear you know I don’t want to do
business with you anymore and it’s it’s
a buyout then it’s this person it’s just
it’s very problematic when it comes down
to the money so what do you do with the
money part few things one when it comes
down to money everything’s about
accountability everything’s about
accountability and there’s normally a
neutral person to help manage and
finances for instance imagine if me and
my brother run a business together and
my wife handles the finances he doesn’t
like the fact that my wife handles the
finances because he may see what’s
happening here and there’s a little bit
of concern there well we need to make
sure someone neutral runs the finances
instead of having somebody run of the
finances that’s on one side now if it’s
two brothers and his sister runs the
finances that could work because she’s
right in the middle she’s not going to
favor anybody it’s a neutral character
you may get somebody that’s a
non-relative that runs the finances
another thing lending money to family
members is probably in my opinion one of
the worst things you can do when you’re
in business would family I highly highly
highly discourage lending money to
family my rule of thumb would money’s
always been never Neverland always give
here’s why the reason why I don’t
believe in lending money to family is
because I don’t want to go to a
Christmas party seeing a sibling seeing
a brother seeing an uncle seeing a my
child my son might you know saying he
owes me three thousand dollars he owes
me thirty thousand dollars and while
we’re having dinner say we’re gonna pay
my thirty thousand dollars I don’t want
to be a bill collector with family it
typically and the other person is like
men I’m sick and tired of every time I
see you at a birthday party you ask me
about money so I made a rule many years
ago where I said I don’t lend
money anymore I generally don’t lend
period to family but if I do I give 10%
with no expectation of the money back
meaning you want $10,000 I’ll consider
giving you $500 but you never need to
give that money back to me that’s my
motto when it comes down to money so
money is typically the problem that you
have the more accountability there is to
the money side the less problems you’re
going to have the more the money side is
something that someone is leaning
towards one side you can have some
problems are going to come up later on
next one from the beginning when you
work together you got to manage
expectations from the beginning from the
beginning you’re working together with
that family member you got to manage the
expectations listen my wife and I we
work to get every single day I’m a big
fan of an advocate of having couples
work together at the home office and in
the field our company is probably
predominantly ran by couples
husband-and-wife teams that do very very
well for themselves and at the home
office
I like hiring people we’re husband and
wife work together collectively at the
home office support so my wife and I
work together how do we make this happen
here’s what happened one we couldn’t be
in the same office for too long I’m loud
she’s not she’s calm I’m more you know
loud you know I may be a little bit more
stronger when they’re coming down to
negotiating all this other stuff and she
may be complete opposite so I can’t be
in the same office with you because I
don’t get things done no problem we need
to know that up front I’m the CEO
she runs operations and I tell her I
said babe in the house you run the show
whatever furniture you want to buy you
buy it whatever you want to buy with TV
all this other stuff you buy but when
it’s at work I’m the CEO your operations
we don’t talk at work as a husband and
wife we talk as business as you are the
operations I’m the CEO so if I’m having
a meeting board meeting my wife is being
held accountable the same way as
everybody else is because we’re on a
good company together we’re running an
operation together now this was
difficult for the first three six months
but then afterwards we’ve had no
problems with this because we manage
expectation upfront when you work with
somebody let’s just say a brother’s
coming to her sister’s coming to work
with
I would say listen this is our role one
of the best things I learned from a
mentor 12 years ago Jennifer’s name was
10 he said we have the saltshaker we
have the pepper salt his family pepper
is business today we’re setting aside
the salt we’re only talking pepper here
is what you’re not doing good at and
this needs to improve I’m talking purely
business performance this is not working
out what are we going to do with this
boom then set aside the pepper at the
end bring the salt and I say I love you
you’re my brother you’re my sister
you’re my mom you’re my dad you’re my
kid you’re my son you’re my daughter I
love you but at the same time we’re
running a business perfect let’s get
back to work we’re good to go okay so
it’s it’s knowing that you’re managing
all the expectations up front rather
than having it coming up later on next
point more logic less emotion believe it
or not it’s it’s less emotion more logic
so when you’re running a business to get
is trying to stay very accountable very
logical or after hours it’s emotional I
can’t believe you’re going through this
all this other sub business is more
logic business is numbers if you don’t
run a business right you will be out of
business
and guess who’s emotionally affected by
everybody so you you gotta logically do
all the right things if a person is not
running their department correctly
that’s a logical mistake you need to
work on that department whether you’re a
brother sister kids son daughter brother
mom doesn’t matter that department needs
to run tighter more logic less emotion
after hours more emotion less logic
because it’s more loved etc etc there
you have it now on the complete opposite
side
lots of complimenting is my next point
is compliment hey you did right this was
good thanks for doing that I appreciate
the respect I sent a message out the
other day to one of the guys I work with
and I said you know I was in a
convention insurance convention four
years ago and I met this family who run
an insurance practice and their son is
with them now they’re 75 years old
happily married for forty five years and
I said hey how is it that you have your
son in the business your wife is in the
business with you you guys run it
together you’re happily married your
daughter-in-laws in the business your
daughters in the business your
daughter’s husband which is your
son-in-law in the business how did you
do this how did you make this work he
says there’s three words we use at our
office all the time please thank you and
you’re welcome please thank you and
you’re welcome
sometimes family when they talk to
family and you say can you get this for
me we get it for them
we don’t say thank you because that’s
family you’re supposed to do it for me
no that’s that’s not feeling appreciated
so thank you thank you
you don’t know problem you’re welcome
could you please get this for me yes so
it’s the etiquette compliment
communication that you’re having with
each other as well next point typically
when there’s an issue let’s just say a
partner or one of the relationships boss
on somebody like that when there’s a
challenge that takes place it’s always
good to have a middleman that comes in
between to saying hey hey what’s going
on over here let’s bounce society off
you here’s what I’m thinking about
here’s what you’re think about what do
you think is right I like three three is
a good number so if two people are
partners and their relatives the third
one shouldn’t be a relative one of the
best examples is one of my good friends
they run a transportation company let’s
just say they run a very very good
transportation company they do a
phenomenal job there’s two relatives and
there’s one best friend the best friend
tends to keep everybody honest now the
way they work is there’s always a
mediator hey I don’t think you’re right
on what you did I agree with him because
of XYZ I agree with her because of XYZ
okay fair enough and no one’s you know
feeling I’m too sensitive I can’t
believe you took his side her side no
because it’s a neutral character that
sometimes we all need to be called on
and says you did not do the right thing
and we move forward it kind of helps all
the relationship staying together you
may have questions about that if you do
I’ll address them because we’re doing
Facebook mentions while we’re doing this
and at the end I’m going to do some Q&A
we got some people that are watching
this while we’re doing this as well okay
so next no favoritism people will say
well you know when my sister first
started working with our company so
Pat’s going to favor her that’s going to
do this that’s going to do that you know
because it’s his sister and you ask my
sister my sister will probably say Pat
doesn’t favor he’s probably tougher on
me she may say that I don’t have
favorites because in the world of
performance it’s about results
performance is about results now I want
to see her win in a big way
I want to see family wants to see family
when in a big way especially when
everybody’s vested together and it’s a
healthy environment but if you show
favorites then you’re going to lose your
relationship with the other people that
have been with you for years who have
earned your loyalty and you’ve earned
their loyalty and they may say well if
he’s got a favorite man I mean I’m never
gonna win you know how some of these
companies that you hear the story oh you
know I was there for 22 years a good
from undying I was there for 22 years I
did very well and then all of a sudden
he decided to give my job to his wife
and I lost a job that’s favoritism I’m
not a fan of that because when you do
that all the other people that are part
of the company are going to sit there
and says this guy favors people discs or
favors people I don’t want to work for
gather favors people it’s not healthy
it’s not smart it’s not wise it’s not
intelligent it hurts
every single person if there’s
favoritism towards somebody it’s almost
like the coach being a father and you
got kids twelve kids that are playing
for your basketball team and you keep
giving your son more time and he hasn’t
earned it yet everybody else is getting
upsets and why are you giving them more
time no favoritism when you’re running
with family doesn’t help anybody
Transparency there’s got to be
transparency when it’s partnership it’s
pure transparency hey I’m not happy
about what’s going on with this one of
the things I love with Steve Alfred and
Armand do is they are so transparent
with each other I’ve been amended many
their board meetings and when they have
hi anytime I get a call and they want to
have a real strong conversation because
somes going out they’ll bring me in as a
mediator and we’ll sit down we have a
conversation to get it seems very good
at doing this but one of the things I
admire about them and what they do
they’re brutally listen they’re brutally
honest with each other not disrespectful
brutal honesty doesn’t mean you
disrespect they love each they genuinely
love one another like they would take a
bullet literally they would take a
bullet for one another they know what I
mean by that sir when I say literally
but they’re brutally honest with one
another there is not a there is not a
hidden anything like that they’re all
brutally honest you know you don’t do
this why don’t you do that we used to
come over here what happened to those
days used to work are used to be tough
where you need to be it’s nonstop and if
somebody if you start that right off the
bat people skin is thicker I think
sometimes partnership is too sensitive
worrying about rubbing people the wrong
when a business goes out of business who
do you want the
to go out of business just because you
were afraid to call people out pure
transparency when you’re running
business because everybody needs to pull
their own weight you’re still running a
business together next no privileges no
privileges I’ve worked at places before
myself where the child the son I’m
competing with yet privileges over I did
or you know you work places where this
daughter has privileges or this brother
has privileges nobody likes privileges
it’s almost like the favoritism think
but sometimes they take Thursday Friday
off and go golf and that’s not
necessarily favoritism that’s privileges
they have that you may not they take
three hour lunches yours you’re supposed
to be back within 90 minutes it’s a
different story so it’s important to not
have any type of privileges don’t they
so another one is for me like let’s just
say people ask me a question they say
Pat if you have you know when you’re
kids later on want to go into business
what are you going to do with your kids
that go on into business okay I’m a big
fan of putting a very strong team
together I have an incredible council
team my attorneys I really respect them
they’re very good at what they do have
spent hundreds of thousands of dollars
of legal fees on attorneys that wasted
my resources these guys are professional
attorneys that we have they’re more
expensive with their professionals I
love what they do our accounting firm I
respect what our accounting firm does
the the advisory board that I have I
Romney when it comes down to operations
I respect them tremendously let’s just
say if my son wants to want to work with
me he would never report directly to me
he just wouldn’t he would never report
directly to me my son said dad I want to
go into business with you and I want us
to start a business to get it’s his
first venture I may do business some
like financial services he may want to
come and work at the firm if he’s 18 I
would generally have him go get another
job and do some stuff or if he is going
to work with me as an intern while he’s
going to school he may work in report
under somebody there is no reporting to
me at all whatsoever if he decides to
run a business I may fund it and give my
half a million dollars but that business
will be owned and ran and operated by
the attorneys that I have by the
accountants that I have by the Board of
Advisors that I have Advisory Board that
I have dealt direct him he’s not coming
to me for accountability nothing all the
money accountability will go to him so
now if another person is working and
it’s a brother/sister they decided going
to business
with you and you’re mentoring them say
in real estate you’re teaching your
brother how to sell real estate teaching
your sister to sell real estate you
could teach them how to sell real estate
could teach them how to sell insurance
in our case or financial services but
the direct report will generally not be
myself because I have somebody else do
the direct report to challenge push the
less of the challenging and the pushing
is coming from you if that’s the role
not partnership if it’s partnership
everybody calls everybody up but it’s
somebody that you may be an executive
and the other person is coming to move
up and become an executive it’s a better
idea for them to be mentored and put
them report to somebody else not you it
helps out with the relationship at the
beginning stages more or less because as
that person is going up in leadership
they realize how real businesses they
realize I need to have a thicker skin I
can deliver to sensitive I’m little to
this and we all get better every one of
us gets better and then eventually they
get to a different level mario was
talking about you know he’s gone through
so many different interviews to find a
personal system for me and we’re looking
for an executive assistant right now
strong one we have people that some want
to fly in from other parts of the world
he’ll do whatever it takes to be your
executive assistant etc etc some are
sending emails saying I heard you wanted
an assistant I want to work with you and
we were sitting going through some of
the points I said there’s one thing that
will not work if the person is an
emotional wreck it’s just not going to
work because we’re we’re grown we got
things going on it’s just not going to
work and and I said sometimes it’s good
to work with somebody and they have to
learn how to get a thicker skin so they
know how to work with that type of an
environment then you bring them in I’m
more about that then I am more about all
of a sudden getting somebody to work
direct report to me because I’m tougher
to work with because I’m going to push
them I want to expect more and some time
when you’re tougher to work with and you
push more I expect more it’s someone
close to you may not be willing to step
up to that so it’s good for them to go
through coaching mentoring session until
it comes down to you directly working
with them everybody needs to earn their
way up everybody in the company needs to
earn their way up that goes back to no
favoritism now manage an expectation
upfront that’s all about from the
beginning explaining the difference in
managing expectation at the front Trust
is very critical let’s talk about trust
I’m about trust and Trust is on
something that’s developed overnight
trust typically
takes a long time to develop and trust
isn’t just financial trust Trust is to
know that I can trust somebody to mentor
me and understand how I am as a human
being and how I need to be spoken to and
how I need to sometimes that trust takes
a little bit of while for business you
may be in having a brother or sister
you’ve had for a long time but in
business it’s a almost a new
relationship that’s being built outside
of the personal family relationship that
you had this is a new business
relationship that’s being created and
you need to know that the new business
relationship is okay I have a son I love
my son I love my son to death he starts
playing for me he wants to play
basketball but I don’t trust the fact
that he’s willing to play at his level
highest level and he doesn’t screen he’s
just a ball hog or he’s all about him he
wants a ball that trust hasn’t been
built with the team yet that needs to
develop the trust is very critical as
you’re working with family members to
long term vision long term vision to me
is extremely extremely critical I like
to sit down and whoever I’m doing
business with it’s by far the easiest
way to clarify the relationship I like
to sit down and say hey Mario what do
you want long term you know when Mario
and I spoke many years ago when Mario
and I used to work to get I mentor how
many years did I mentor you by the way
what was how long how long it was it
before you were left and you came back
for that three-month period was that six
years at that point let’s just say six
years is what it was and a Mario called
me and he came and we sat down and went
to this nice restaurant in Ventura
it was a Israeli restaurant I don’t know
what the name of the place was what was
it we was like I don’t know what it was
all I know is they had incredible
relievers what the hell I know most of
you guys are probably specified in
Cyprus I’ll bet I remember her name was
phenomenal Israeli some of you guys who
are from there you know
you know what that place is it’s
phenomenal and I said Mario what do you
want
forget about what I’m doing forget about
with this persons then what does more
you want and more you want to do the
stuff that he wants to talk about said
this is what I want to say then forget
about everybody else’s goal that’s yours
let’s make this happen
fair enough hey what do you want here’s
what I want and sometimes people don’t
know what they want and you got to help
them if you’re a leader you got to help
them clarify what they want so brother
Parton what do you want to do with this
my long-term idea is to become a
millionaire and do this do this do that
okay this is what I want to do now what
do you want you know I just want to get
to $100,000 your income and you know I
want to spend more time with the family
great now let’s help you get to this
point now what do you want so whatever
it is once you find out what you want
your goal if you’re the leader is to
constantly bring you back and remind um
why we’re doing this and what do we want
hey I want to I want to work with family
because I want us to be around each
other for the rest of our lives
I just love you you’re my family I feel
the same way let’s make sure this
happens but I also want your dreams and
goals to become reality based on the
efforts that you’re putting in no
problem let’s go make this work so
long-term vision helps a lot of things
get clearer if you talk about it up
front and understand what their
long-term goal their long-term why is
their long-term vision is for what they
want to do so long-term is very very
critical communication is by far the
biggest one there’s nothing worse than
you know how a you know how husband a
wife know how to rub the other one the
wrong way okay I’m not talking
physically you know extracurricular
activities I’m talking like literally
you know how to rub the other person the
wrong way so most wives know how to tick
off the husband it’s one comment or one
thing you say right most husbands now to
tick off the wife most wives know when
the husband is upset most husbands some
of the wife is upset in a working
environment you know to say something
like I just don’t want to talk I’m gonna
blah no that’s not healthy we’re mature
we need to communicate it’s important to
be communicating as you’re going through
as you’re going through and you’re
dealing with somebody that’s in business
with you communication is extremely
critical the more open you are with
communication and the more you over
communicate the better you
going to have a chance of sustaining
that relationship so it’s not a we try
to work together didn’t work boom next
we try to do this together it didn’t
work next we try to do this together
didn’t work next we try to do this get
didn’t work next no communication
typically helps on by the way Marty
what’s going to die that the battery
died or too much powerful what okay God
let’s continue so so the book I suggest
for this is called Crucial Conversations
it’s a phenomenal book 2 million copies
sold actually went to a course that you
teach Crucial Conversations
and i remember at this crucial
conversations one of the families that
was there it was the mother and his
three daughters her three daughters and
son they were all there together they
were all there together and it was
classic watching this because they were
all talking about problems that they
have issues that they have challenges
that that it was purely transparent as
they were talking about what they said
the biggest promise communication that’s
a great book to read while you’re
working with your own family together
then the next thing is not ignoring
addressing things up front again it goes
back to the same thing I just talked
about right now and then no one at the
end of the day that relationship your
relationship with your family is by far
more important than the business now
saying that this doesn’t mean if
somebody steals from you you let them
continuously steal from you because
they’re your son or your daughter no no
this is not the movie Horrible Bosses if
you remember Horrible Bosses where
what’s his name Horrible Bosses a Colin
Farrell is the son that takes money from
the dad’s business and you keep letting
them do that because he’s got bad habits
all this up no no not at all family’s
important business is going to pay the
bills but family’s important it’s it’s
important if there is no major
disastrous issues that takes place with
the family it’s important for the
relationship to be sustained as well at
the same time and knowing there is the
additional time after work a let’s go
watch the movie let’s go and guy what do
you guys known to Sunday for barbecue
what are we doing with
that can’t cut because if that cuts the
whole purpose of going into business
together is to help the relationship go
higher so we can spend more time
together have a better family life
it can’t be I just I want to talk about
I just don’t know no we still have a
family to run
we still got blood we still got things
that we’re doing together knowing how to
balance those two things together let me
find out from Mari your Mari you don’t
die or what happened with the phone this
is a broadcast I saw really can I see
the phone real quick let me see the
phone real quick here you also
completely die so didn’t charge I don’t
know it was but it was more power than
the battery was received so what you’re
telling me is that Android charger that
you gave me is a terrible charger is
what you’re telling me so that’s what
you’re really telling me okay so we
didn’t get a chance to do mention and
ask some of the questions we got to get
Mario to learn how to use Apple iPhone
which is the most user-friendly phone
but he decides to connect it with a
droid charger and completely crashes my
phone this last 20 seconds is sponsored
by Mario angular for losing the battery
charge in my phone or you get some
lovely if you have any questions that
you’re watching this they want to ask
please comment on the bottom with
whatever questions you’ll have I will
give back to your questions if you do
have any questions on the subject of
working together with family it is a
sensitive subjects I know a lot of
people cringe when it’s working with
family but I’ve done it for a long time
and it’s worked so effectively now that
I know what to do and what not to do so
that’s my message to you here and if you
have any questions post them on the
bottom if you haven’t subscribed to this
channel subscribe to the channel thanks for watching
businesses when you work with your own
family and you know you hear two
different schools of thoughts somebody
says there’s a group of people that say
you should never ever ever work with
your family never ever work with your
family and then you have folks that say
I love working my family but there’s a
formula on how this works look I’m going
to tell you from personal experience the
first time I work with my family I made
every single possible mistake you can
make and it was I failed miserably is
when I felt miserable II my sister and I
were in business together back in 2003
or 2004 and it didn’t work out because I
was not mature enough as an entrepreneur
to be able to work with family I made so
many different mistakes and over the
years progressing and now my sister and
I are back in business together in
different types of a-rollin I’ll explain
all the different parts and how you go
about doing actually that’s very good
for herself she runs her own a financial
practice out of Valencia California has
her own office here in our husband Co
McFarland & Co Mac matter-of-fact you
can go online and look up some of our
content what would it be under would it
be pull its ability money words of
affirmation some like that you can see
what she does we’ll put a link on the
bottom as well with that but how do you
work with family so let’s start off
first of all there’s different roles
when you’re working with family the most
common role that you have may be you
know a brother and a sister starting a
business together and it’s 50/50 so it’s
financial business partner that’s one
the second one may be a father hires a
son to work for him a brother hires a
sister to work for her for him as a home
office support employee then it’s you
know a sales relationship you’re working
on the sales team selling a product etc
etc etc I’m going to try to explain
every one of these points that I have on
how to make that relationship being
better and where the mistakes are
commonly made so that will help out on
each one of these relationships how to
go about Doudna so let’s start off with
the most importantly number one the
place where the biggest mistakes happen
the place where you hear brothers and
sisters never talking to each other
brother and brother mom and dad son and
father you know
uncle and nephew they don’t talk to each
other in the more it comes number one is
money problems money financial problems
is the one thing above everything when
you work together and unfortunately have
friends who who have businesses and one
of the the individual that I was talking
to you know he had a relative that was
working inside and it was a cash
business and every month he got caught
stealing cash and ended up being very
big turmoil because then the other
person was working there they had to
make something work and that person had
to go and then you know he was
frustrated he was furious and what that
happened and how that took place and you
hear you know I don’t want to do
business with you anymore and it’s it’s
a buyout then it’s this person it’s just
it’s very problematic when it comes down
to the money so what do you do with the
money part few things one when it comes
down to money everything’s about
accountability everything’s about
accountability and there’s normally a
neutral person to help manage and
finances for instance imagine if me and
my brother run a business together and
my wife handles the finances he doesn’t
like the fact that my wife handles the
finances because he may see what’s
happening here and there’s a little bit
of concern there well we need to make
sure someone neutral runs the finances
instead of having somebody run of the
finances that’s on one side now if it’s
two brothers and his sister runs the
finances that could work because she’s
right in the middle she’s not going to
favor anybody it’s a neutral character
you may get somebody that’s a
non-relative that runs the finances
another thing lending money to family
members is probably in my opinion one of
the worst things you can do when you’re
in business would family I highly highly
highly discourage lending money to
family my rule of thumb would money’s
always been never Neverland always give
here’s why the reason why I don’t
believe in lending money to family is
because I don’t want to go to a
Christmas party seeing a sibling seeing
a brother seeing an uncle seeing a my
child my son might you know saying he
owes me three thousand dollars he owes
me thirty thousand dollars and while
we’re having dinner say we’re gonna pay
my thirty thousand dollars I don’t want
to be a bill collector with family it
typically and the other person is like
men I’m sick and tired of every time I
see you at a birthday party you ask me
about money so I made a rule many years
ago where I said I don’t lend
money anymore I generally don’t lend
period to family but if I do I give 10%
with no expectation of the money back
meaning you want $10,000 I’ll consider
giving you $500 but you never need to
give that money back to me that’s my
motto when it comes down to money so
money is typically the problem that you
have the more accountability there is to
the money side the less problems you’re
going to have the more the money side is
something that someone is leaning
towards one side you can have some
problems are going to come up later on
next one from the beginning when you
work together you got to manage
expectations from the beginning from the
beginning you’re working together with
that family member you got to manage the
expectations listen my wife and I we
work to get every single day I’m a big
fan of an advocate of having couples
work together at the home office and in
the field our company is probably
predominantly ran by couples
husband-and-wife teams that do very very
well for themselves and at the home
office
I like hiring people we’re husband and
wife work together collectively at the
home office support so my wife and I
work together how do we make this happen
here’s what happened one we couldn’t be
in the same office for too long I’m loud
she’s not she’s calm I’m more you know
loud you know I may be a little bit more
stronger when they’re coming down to
negotiating all this other stuff and she
may be complete opposite so I can’t be
in the same office with you because I
don’t get things done no problem we need
to know that up front I’m the CEO
she runs operations and I tell her I
said babe in the house you run the show
whatever furniture you want to buy you
buy it whatever you want to buy with TV
all this other stuff you buy but when
it’s at work I’m the CEO your operations
we don’t talk at work as a husband and
wife we talk as business as you are the
operations I’m the CEO so if I’m having
a meeting board meeting my wife is being
held accountable the same way as
everybody else is because we’re on a
good company together we’re running an
operation together now this was
difficult for the first three six months
but then afterwards we’ve had no
problems with this because we manage
expectation upfront when you work with
somebody let’s just say a brother’s
coming to her sister’s coming to work
with
I would say listen this is our role one
of the best things I learned from a
mentor 12 years ago Jennifer’s name was
10 he said we have the saltshaker we
have the pepper salt his family pepper
is business today we’re setting aside
the salt we’re only talking pepper here
is what you’re not doing good at and
this needs to improve I’m talking purely
business performance this is not working
out what are we going to do with this
boom then set aside the pepper at the
end bring the salt and I say I love you
you’re my brother you’re my sister
you’re my mom you’re my dad you’re my
kid you’re my son you’re my daughter I
love you but at the same time we’re
running a business perfect let’s get
back to work we’re good to go okay so
it’s it’s knowing that you’re managing
all the expectations up front rather
than having it coming up later on next
point more logic less emotion believe it
or not it’s it’s less emotion more logic
so when you’re running a business to get
is trying to stay very accountable very
logical or after hours it’s emotional I
can’t believe you’re going through this
all this other sub business is more
logic business is numbers if you don’t
run a business right you will be out of
business
and guess who’s emotionally affected by
everybody so you you gotta logically do
all the right things if a person is not
running their department correctly
that’s a logical mistake you need to
work on that department whether you’re a
brother sister kids son daughter brother
mom doesn’t matter that department needs
to run tighter more logic less emotion
after hours more emotion less logic
because it’s more loved etc etc there
you have it now on the complete opposite
side
lots of complimenting is my next point
is compliment hey you did right this was
good thanks for doing that I appreciate
the respect I sent a message out the
other day to one of the guys I work with
and I said you know I was in a
convention insurance convention four
years ago and I met this family who run
an insurance practice and their son is
with them now they’re 75 years old
happily married for forty five years and
I said hey how is it that you have your
son in the business your wife is in the
business with you you guys run it
together you’re happily married your
daughter-in-laws in the business your
daughters in the business your
daughter’s husband which is your
son-in-law in the business how did you
do this how did you make this work he
says there’s three words we use at our
office all the time please thank you and
you’re welcome please thank you and
you’re welcome
sometimes family when they talk to
family and you say can you get this for
me we get it for them
we don’t say thank you because that’s
family you’re supposed to do it for me
no that’s that’s not feeling appreciated
so thank you thank you
you don’t know problem you’re welcome
could you please get this for me yes so
it’s the etiquette compliment
communication that you’re having with
each other as well next point typically
when there’s an issue let’s just say a
partner or one of the relationships boss
on somebody like that when there’s a
challenge that takes place it’s always
good to have a middleman that comes in
between to saying hey hey what’s going
on over here let’s bounce society off
you here’s what I’m thinking about
here’s what you’re think about what do
you think is right I like three three is
a good number so if two people are
partners and their relatives the third
one shouldn’t be a relative one of the
best examples is one of my good friends
they run a transportation company let’s
just say they run a very very good
transportation company they do a
phenomenal job there’s two relatives and
there’s one best friend the best friend
tends to keep everybody honest now the
way they work is there’s always a
mediator hey I don’t think you’re right
on what you did I agree with him because
of XYZ I agree with her because of XYZ
okay fair enough and no one’s you know
feeling I’m too sensitive I can’t
believe you took his side her side no
because it’s a neutral character that
sometimes we all need to be called on
and says you did not do the right thing
and we move forward it kind of helps all
the relationship staying together you
may have questions about that if you do
I’ll address them because we’re doing
Facebook mentions while we’re doing this
and at the end I’m going to do some Q&A
we got some people that are watching
this while we’re doing this as well okay
so next no favoritism people will say
well you know when my sister first
started working with our company so
Pat’s going to favor her that’s going to
do this that’s going to do that you know
because it’s his sister and you ask my
sister my sister will probably say Pat
doesn’t favor he’s probably tougher on
me she may say that I don’t have
favorites because in the world of
performance it’s about results
performance is about results now I want
to see her win in a big way
I want to see family wants to see family
when in a big way especially when
everybody’s vested together and it’s a
healthy environment but if you show
favorites then you’re going to lose your
relationship with the other people that
have been with you for years who have
earned your loyalty and you’ve earned
their loyalty and they may say well if
he’s got a favorite man I mean I’m never
gonna win you know how some of these
companies that you hear the story oh you
know I was there for 22 years a good
from undying I was there for 22 years I
did very well and then all of a sudden
he decided to give my job to his wife
and I lost a job that’s favoritism I’m
not a fan of that because when you do
that all the other people that are part
of the company are going to sit there
and says this guy favors people discs or
favors people I don’t want to work for
gather favors people it’s not healthy
it’s not smart it’s not wise it’s not
intelligent it hurts
every single person if there’s
favoritism towards somebody it’s almost
like the coach being a father and you
got kids twelve kids that are playing
for your basketball team and you keep
giving your son more time and he hasn’t
earned it yet everybody else is getting
upsets and why are you giving them more
time no favoritism when you’re running
with family doesn’t help anybody
Transparency there’s got to be
transparency when it’s partnership it’s
pure transparency hey I’m not happy
about what’s going on with this one of
the things I love with Steve Alfred and
Armand do is they are so transparent
with each other I’ve been amended many
their board meetings and when they have
hi anytime I get a call and they want to
have a real strong conversation because
somes going out they’ll bring me in as a
mediator and we’ll sit down we have a
conversation to get it seems very good
at doing this but one of the things I
admire about them and what they do
they’re brutally listen they’re brutally
honest with each other not disrespectful
brutal honesty doesn’t mean you
disrespect they love each they genuinely
love one another like they would take a
bullet literally they would take a
bullet for one another they know what I
mean by that sir when I say literally
but they’re brutally honest with one
another there is not a there is not a
hidden anything like that they’re all
brutally honest you know you don’t do
this why don’t you do that we used to
come over here what happened to those
days used to work are used to be tough
where you need to be it’s nonstop and if
somebody if you start that right off the
bat people skin is thicker I think
sometimes partnership is too sensitive
worrying about rubbing people the wrong
when a business goes out of business who
do you want the
to go out of business just because you
were afraid to call people out pure
transparency when you’re running
business because everybody needs to pull
their own weight you’re still running a
business together next no privileges no
privileges I’ve worked at places before
myself where the child the son I’m
competing with yet privileges over I did
or you know you work places where this
daughter has privileges or this brother
has privileges nobody likes privileges
it’s almost like the favoritism think
but sometimes they take Thursday Friday
off and go golf and that’s not
necessarily favoritism that’s privileges
they have that you may not they take
three hour lunches yours you’re supposed
to be back within 90 minutes it’s a
different story so it’s important to not
have any type of privileges don’t they
so another one is for me like let’s just
say people ask me a question they say
Pat if you have you know when you’re
kids later on want to go into business
what are you going to do with your kids
that go on into business okay I’m a big
fan of putting a very strong team
together I have an incredible council
team my attorneys I really respect them
they’re very good at what they do have
spent hundreds of thousands of dollars
of legal fees on attorneys that wasted
my resources these guys are professional
attorneys that we have they’re more
expensive with their professionals I
love what they do our accounting firm I
respect what our accounting firm does
the the advisory board that I have I
Romney when it comes down to operations
I respect them tremendously let’s just
say if my son wants to want to work with
me he would never report directly to me
he just wouldn’t he would never report
directly to me my son said dad I want to
go into business with you and I want us
to start a business to get it’s his
first venture I may do business some
like financial services he may want to
come and work at the firm if he’s 18 I
would generally have him go get another
job and do some stuff or if he is going
to work with me as an intern while he’s
going to school he may work in report
under somebody there is no reporting to
me at all whatsoever if he decides to
run a business I may fund it and give my
half a million dollars but that business
will be owned and ran and operated by
the attorneys that I have by the
accountants that I have by the Board of
Advisors that I have Advisory Board that
I have dealt direct him he’s not coming
to me for accountability nothing all the
money accountability will go to him so
now if another person is working and
it’s a brother/sister they decided going
to business
with you and you’re mentoring them say
in real estate you’re teaching your
brother how to sell real estate teaching
your sister to sell real estate you
could teach them how to sell real estate
could teach them how to sell insurance
in our case or financial services but
the direct report will generally not be
myself because I have somebody else do
the direct report to challenge push the
less of the challenging and the pushing
is coming from you if that’s the role
not partnership if it’s partnership
everybody calls everybody up but it’s
somebody that you may be an executive
and the other person is coming to move
up and become an executive it’s a better
idea for them to be mentored and put
them report to somebody else not you it
helps out with the relationship at the
beginning stages more or less because as
that person is going up in leadership
they realize how real businesses they
realize I need to have a thicker skin I
can deliver to sensitive I’m little to
this and we all get better every one of
us gets better and then eventually they
get to a different level mario was
talking about you know he’s gone through
so many different interviews to find a
personal system for me and we’re looking
for an executive assistant right now
strong one we have people that some want
to fly in from other parts of the world
he’ll do whatever it takes to be your
executive assistant etc etc some are
sending emails saying I heard you wanted
an assistant I want to work with you and
we were sitting going through some of
the points I said there’s one thing that
will not work if the person is an
emotional wreck it’s just not going to
work because we’re we’re grown we got
things going on it’s just not going to
work and and I said sometimes it’s good
to work with somebody and they have to
learn how to get a thicker skin so they
know how to work with that type of an
environment then you bring them in I’m
more about that then I am more about all
of a sudden getting somebody to work
direct report to me because I’m tougher
to work with because I’m going to push
them I want to expect more and some time
when you’re tougher to work with and you
push more I expect more it’s someone
close to you may not be willing to step
up to that so it’s good for them to go
through coaching mentoring session until
it comes down to you directly working
with them everybody needs to earn their
way up everybody in the company needs to
earn their way up that goes back to no
favoritism now manage an expectation
upfront that’s all about from the
beginning explaining the difference in
managing expectation at the front Trust
is very critical let’s talk about trust
I’m about trust and Trust is on
something that’s developed overnight
trust typically
takes a long time to develop and trust
isn’t just financial trust Trust is to
know that I can trust somebody to mentor
me and understand how I am as a human
being and how I need to be spoken to and
how I need to sometimes that trust takes
a little bit of while for business you
may be in having a brother or sister
you’ve had for a long time but in
business it’s a almost a new
relationship that’s being built outside
of the personal family relationship that
you had this is a new business
relationship that’s being created and
you need to know that the new business
relationship is okay I have a son I love
my son I love my son to death he starts
playing for me he wants to play
basketball but I don’t trust the fact
that he’s willing to play at his level
highest level and he doesn’t screen he’s
just a ball hog or he’s all about him he
wants a ball that trust hasn’t been
built with the team yet that needs to
develop the trust is very critical as
you’re working with family members to
long term vision long term vision to me
is extremely extremely critical I like
to sit down and whoever I’m doing
business with it’s by far the easiest
way to clarify the relationship I like
to sit down and say hey Mario what do
you want long term you know when Mario
and I spoke many years ago when Mario
and I used to work to get I mentor how
many years did I mentor you by the way
what was how long how long it was it
before you were left and you came back
for that three-month period was that six
years at that point let’s just say six
years is what it was and a Mario called
me and he came and we sat down and went
to this nice restaurant in Ventura
it was a Israeli restaurant I don’t know
what the name of the place was what was
it we was like I don’t know what it was
all I know is they had incredible
relievers what the hell I know most of
you guys are probably specified in
Cyprus I’ll bet I remember her name was
phenomenal Israeli some of you guys who
are from there you know
you know what that place is it’s
phenomenal and I said Mario what do you
want
forget about what I’m doing forget about
with this persons then what does more
you want and more you want to do the
stuff that he wants to talk about said
this is what I want to say then forget
about everybody else’s goal that’s yours
let’s make this happen
fair enough hey what do you want here’s
what I want and sometimes people don’t
know what they want and you got to help
them if you’re a leader you got to help
them clarify what they want so brother
Parton what do you want to do with this
my long-term idea is to become a
millionaire and do this do this do that
okay this is what I want to do now what
do you want you know I just want to get
to $100,000 your income and you know I
want to spend more time with the family
great now let’s help you get to this
point now what do you want so whatever
it is once you find out what you want
your goal if you’re the leader is to
constantly bring you back and remind um
why we’re doing this and what do we want
hey I want to I want to work with family
because I want us to be around each
other for the rest of our lives
I just love you you’re my family I feel
the same way let’s make sure this
happens but I also want your dreams and
goals to become reality based on the
efforts that you’re putting in no
problem let’s go make this work so
long-term vision helps a lot of things
get clearer if you talk about it up
front and understand what their
long-term goal their long-term why is
their long-term vision is for what they
want to do so long-term is very very
critical communication is by far the
biggest one there’s nothing worse than
you know how a you know how husband a
wife know how to rub the other one the
wrong way okay I’m not talking
physically you know extracurricular
activities I’m talking like literally
you know how to rub the other person the
wrong way so most wives know how to tick
off the husband it’s one comment or one
thing you say right most husbands now to
tick off the wife most wives know when
the husband is upset most husbands some
of the wife is upset in a working
environment you know to say something
like I just don’t want to talk I’m gonna
blah no that’s not healthy we’re mature
we need to communicate it’s important to
be communicating as you’re going through
as you’re going through and you’re
dealing with somebody that’s in business
with you communication is extremely
critical the more open you are with
communication and the more you over
communicate the better you
going to have a chance of sustaining
that relationship so it’s not a we try
to work together didn’t work boom next
we try to do this together it didn’t
work next we try to do this together
didn’t work next we try to do this get
didn’t work next no communication
typically helps on by the way Marty
what’s going to die that the battery
died or too much powerful what okay God
let’s continue so so the book I suggest
for this is called Crucial Conversations
it’s a phenomenal book 2 million copies
sold actually went to a course that you
teach Crucial Conversations
and i remember at this crucial
conversations one of the families that
was there it was the mother and his
three daughters her three daughters and
son they were all there together they
were all there together and it was
classic watching this because they were
all talking about problems that they
have issues that they have challenges
that that it was purely transparent as
they were talking about what they said
the biggest promise communication that’s
a great book to read while you’re
working with your own family together
then the next thing is not ignoring
addressing things up front again it goes
back to the same thing I just talked
about right now and then no one at the
end of the day that relationship your
relationship with your family is by far
more important than the business now
saying that this doesn’t mean if
somebody steals from you you let them
continuously steal from you because
they’re your son or your daughter no no
this is not the movie Horrible Bosses if
you remember Horrible Bosses where
what’s his name Horrible Bosses a Colin
Farrell is the son that takes money from
the dad’s business and you keep letting
them do that because he’s got bad habits
all this up no no not at all family’s
important business is going to pay the
bills but family’s important it’s it’s
important if there is no major
disastrous issues that takes place with
the family it’s important for the
relationship to be sustained as well at
the same time and knowing there is the
additional time after work a let’s go
watch the movie let’s go and guy what do
you guys known to Sunday for barbecue
what are we doing with
that can’t cut because if that cuts the
whole purpose of going into business
together is to help the relationship go
higher so we can spend more time
together have a better family life
it can’t be I just I want to talk about
I just don’t know no we still have a
family to run
we still got blood we still got things
that we’re doing together knowing how to
balance those two things together let me
find out from Mari your Mari you don’t
die or what happened with the phone this
is a broadcast I saw really can I see
the phone real quick let me see the
phone real quick here you also
completely die so didn’t charge I don’t
know it was but it was more power than
the battery was received so what you’re
telling me is that Android charger that
you gave me is a terrible charger is
what you’re telling me so that’s what
you’re really telling me okay so we
didn’t get a chance to do mention and
ask some of the questions we got to get
Mario to learn how to use Apple iPhone
which is the most user-friendly phone
but he decides to connect it with a
droid charger and completely crashes my
phone this last 20 seconds is sponsored
by Mario angular for losing the battery
charge in my phone or you get some
lovely if you have any questions that
you’re watching this they want to ask
please comment on the bottom with
whatever questions you’ll have I will
give back to your questions if you do
have any questions on the subject of
working together with family it is a
sensitive subjects I know a lot of
people cringe when it’s working with
family but I’ve done it for a long time
and it’s worked so effectively now that
I know what to do and what not to do so
that’s my message to you here and if you
have any questions post them on the
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