[Music]
how many of you have ever heard someone
tell you to just be yourself guess your
hands pretty much everyone in the
audience kind of expected that I think
we have to admit that our culture really
really likes this phrase like a lot my
generation has either implicitly or
explicitly heard just be yourself in
pretty much every Disney filming cartoon
of the last 25 years we saw it in those
motivational posters that they would put
up in our high schools you know like the
ones in the guidance counselor’s offices
with the soaring Eagles and the foggy
mountaintops and the Sun rises and then
that hideous Times New Roman font
underneath that it says just be yourself
we’ve also seen it in BuzzFeed and
Facebook articles where they said well
Stacey just needed to learn how to be
herself and that solved everything
of course we’ve also seen it in hallmark
movies nothing I’ve ever watched one of
those and then of course the graduation
cards that we could all get right
remember you’re a winner champ
just remember to beat yourself the fact
is that this line of advice to just be
ourselves is ubiquitous in our culture
today you hear it everywhere you see it
everywhere and pretty much everyone
agrees that it’s really good advice to
live by I mean who would argue with the
advice that you should be yourself I
would but it’s not that I have a problem
with people developing a good and
healthy sense of self-esteem or getting
healthy sense of self and well-being
it’s not what I’m saying but what I am
trying to point out is that culturally
we are seeing an over inflation of self
regard an obsession with the self that
is working its way into our society and
into our culture and implanting a
deep-rooted narcissism there but before
I get into that I think we should give
credit where credit is due and just be
yourself or a phrase in the same vein
like follow your heart has its merits
and we should acknowledge them they
remind us to be optimistic to be
confident to use our god-given talents
to not siphon off of someone else’s
personality but to express our
individuality to develop an authentic
sense of self all those things
good things but what happens when the
advice to just be yourself goes
unscrutinized and unquestioned what
happens when a culture like ours takes
just be yourself too far and starts to
believe the notion that was so
beautifully refuted by author and
blogger Scott young that above all else
you are called to be yourself just be
yourself just be who you are love who
you are admire who you are believe in
who you are it’s your time your moment
your truth you are what’s most important
the new diet coke commercial by the way
is a perfect example of this I don’t
know if any of you seen this but I was
watching Hulu the other night at 1:00 in
the morning as Millennials aren’t want
to do and I saw this commercial I
thought I have to put this thing this is
just absolutely the antithesis of what I
want to tell you today so I’ll give you
the rundown in case you haven’t seen it
so there’s this nice 20-something girl
takes a can of Diet Coke and she opens
it up and says what do I love about Diet
Coke well first she says it’s delicious
right then she says it makes me feel
good life is short
just do you whatever that may be if you
want to live in a yurt yurt it up if you
want to run a marathon I mean that
sounds really hard but ok and if you
want to have a diet coke well how do I
coke then it ends with this die coke
because I can
it makes me feel good just do you
because I can that is the anthem of a
just be yourself generation that has
gone off the rails
turns out other people have noticed this
in May of 2013 a guy named Joel Stein
wrote an article for Time magazine
called
Millennials the me me me generation and
he does actually point out some of the
redemptive qualities of Millennials that
he thinks will actually help them save
the country but he also points to some
very interesting statistics about
Millennials that I thought I would share
with you for example he found that more
people more Millennials scored higher on
narcissism skills in college in 2009
than they did than the college students
did in the 1980s he also found that
narcissistic personality disorder was
three times higher in the under 25
category than in a 65 and up group now
you could probably guess why that is
right in 65 but uppers have had enough
time to figure out that they’re not such
hot stuff and now they’re much more
humble because of it but he also points
out that 60% of Millennials said that
their litmus test for making a moral
decision was how do I feel about that
so instead of appealing to an objective
sense of morality or an ethical code
when faced with a tough decision the
question would be how does that make me
feel I’ll be able to feel what’s right I
will know it’s inside of me I know the
answer he also found that Millennials
were more Fame obsessed he also found
that they were more entitled and also
interesting he found that they were
compelled to exaggerate their realities
so on social media when they saw
someone’s fabulous life that they
thought they couldn’t compete with they
needed to up the ante make it look
better put a nicer filter on it compete
better now all of this sounds pretty
disheartening right but is it really a
surprise to any of us I mean my
generation is called the selfie
generation for a reason
this is a time when a thousand selfies
are posted to Instagram every ten
seconds and it’s now estimated that the
average millennial will take twenty five
thousand pictures of their face before
they die we can see that culturally we
are snagged in a social media feedback
loop a me first
ethos a tendency to use social media or
communications or any other form to
promote self edged elation and
self-glorification we feed off of
affirmation and publicity not knowing
what to do with the vague advice to just
be ourselves we’ve instead decided as a
society that we will just adore and live
for ourselves for the selfie generation
the world revolves around us and our
identities and nothing should ever get
in the way of me being myself me being
me or at least living out a charade of
myself on social media I think we can
truly say that the selfie generation has
become the selfish generation the
byproduct of this infatuation with the
self is inevitably apathy towards the
problems of others I don’t know if
you’ve noticed but the world is not
doing too hot right now
and take it out of the national politics
scene just look at other tragedies and
atrocities school shootings humanitarian
crises globally human rights violations
globally and yet as we see all this
suffering what’s the average response
you’re gonna get for a millennial if you
really look at it okay I’ll boil it down
for you basically you’re on your phone
right on the news oh do you see that yes
that’s sucks well my life is still fine
whoa selfie all right okay what stopping
humanitarian crises as an example in the
United States thousands of homes are
wiped out by hurricanes in the last year
American families are homeless across
all of the southern states what’s the
response
that’s really sad you look the filter I
put on this selfie I love that it gives
my jaw bone more definition sadly I
could give you countless more examples
of behavior like this are we too
enamored with ourselves too fixated on
showing the world who we are to hear its
cries for help
are we in reality just blinded by
ourselves we started out with
well-meaning advice to just be ourselves
but that devolved into narcissism and
now it’s heading into very dangerous
territory where we have a world full of
people isolated into their own
self-absorbed bubbles will that serve us
is that really what we want for
ourselves as a university as a community
as a country in a technology and social
media driven world this problem is only
gonna get worse it’s not gonna subside
on its own it’s not a phase it’s gonna
snowball from here do we really want to
see ourselves become a nation of 320
million narcissists how are we ever
supposed to tackle any of the
innumerable problems in this world if
we’re all too self engrossed and too
self-absorbed on our little phones to
get up and do anything about it
well enough on the problem what’s the
solution what where do we want to see
ourselves go instead I would say that
just be yourself has had its time we’ve
allowed it into our society but it’s
almost conquered us so now more than
ever it’s time that we reignite the call
to humility get away from all this
selfishness bring back humility now what
do I mean by humility is it the kind of
humility that a person gets an award and
gets in front of an audience and says
thank you for recognizing my
achievements I know I am very qualified
and
you’re all aware of that so awesome but
I’m very humbled to be here today to
present my speech for you I’m very
humbled to be giving a TED talk today
no no the kind of humility I’m talking
about is the kind that drives its
practitioners to lead lives that are
gracious unassuming and character driven
lives that are lived under the
conviction that I am not the center of
the universe I am not all that lives
that believe in listening and
understanding as opposed to performing
and flaunting for other people lives
that are grounded in love and service
towards others that seems like a tall
order but by no means do I stand in
front of you today and say I am the
exemplar of the humble lifestyle look at
me do what I do and you’ll be humble no
I am NOT the exemplar of the humble
lifestyle I have to work at this all the
time I’m a proud person but I have
something to say about it because I was
exposed to this my whole life and the
people of my parents I’m getting all
teary over there day in and day out my
parents showed nothing but love
sacrifice and dedication they never drew
attention to themselves they never put
their and wants and needs in front of
anyone else they always thought of their
kids and other people first service I
was blessed to grow up with people like
them but if that’s not your story and
you don’t have parents like that that
you can look up to it’s ever more
critical that you find people like that
surround yourself with them peers
mentors model yourself after them strive
to be humble like they are and then once
you’ve done that model that for someone
else so that they look at your example
and want to live like you and we’ll
really get this trend going in the right
direction for the sake of this hurting
world and for the sake of all your
future children to whom it will be so
critical that you pass on the lesson of
humility and service I tell you don’t
just be yourself rather
humble yourself and go outside of
yourself so that you can serve this
broken world with those talents and
those traits that make you unique humble
yourself and we will watch this world
change for the better thank you
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
how many of you have ever heard someone
tell you to just be yourself guess your
hands pretty much everyone in the
audience kind of expected that I think
we have to admit that our culture really
really likes this phrase like a lot my
generation has either implicitly or
explicitly heard just be yourself in
pretty much every Disney filming cartoon
of the last 25 years we saw it in those
motivational posters that they would put
up in our high schools you know like the
ones in the guidance counselor’s offices
with the soaring Eagles and the foggy
mountaintops and the Sun rises and then
that hideous Times New Roman font
underneath that it says just be yourself
we’ve also seen it in BuzzFeed and
Facebook articles where they said well
Stacey just needed to learn how to be
herself and that solved everything
of course we’ve also seen it in hallmark
movies nothing I’ve ever watched one of
those and then of course the graduation
cards that we could all get right
remember you’re a winner champ
just remember to beat yourself the fact
is that this line of advice to just be
ourselves is ubiquitous in our culture
today you hear it everywhere you see it
everywhere and pretty much everyone
agrees that it’s really good advice to
live by I mean who would argue with the
advice that you should be yourself I
would but it’s not that I have a problem
with people developing a good and
healthy sense of self-esteem or getting
healthy sense of self and well-being
it’s not what I’m saying but what I am
trying to point out is that culturally
we are seeing an over inflation of self
regard an obsession with the self that
is working its way into our society and
into our culture and implanting a
deep-rooted narcissism there but before
I get into that I think we should give
credit where credit is due and just be
yourself or a phrase in the same vein
like follow your heart has its merits
and we should acknowledge them they
remind us to be optimistic to be
confident to use our god-given talents
to not siphon off of someone else’s
personality but to express our
individuality to develop an authentic
sense of self all those things
good things but what happens when the
advice to just be yourself goes
unscrutinized and unquestioned what
happens when a culture like ours takes
just be yourself too far and starts to
believe the notion that was so
beautifully refuted by author and
blogger Scott young that above all else
you are called to be yourself just be
yourself just be who you are love who
you are admire who you are believe in
who you are it’s your time your moment
your truth you are what’s most important
the new diet coke commercial by the way
is a perfect example of this I don’t
know if any of you seen this but I was
watching Hulu the other night at 1:00 in
the morning as Millennials aren’t want
to do and I saw this commercial I
thought I have to put this thing this is
just absolutely the antithesis of what I
want to tell you today so I’ll give you
the rundown in case you haven’t seen it
so there’s this nice 20-something girl
takes a can of Diet Coke and she opens
it up and says what do I love about Diet
Coke well first she says it’s delicious
right then she says it makes me feel
good life is short
just do you whatever that may be if you
want to live in a yurt yurt it up if you
want to run a marathon I mean that
sounds really hard but ok and if you
want to have a diet coke well how do I
coke then it ends with this die coke
because I can
it makes me feel good just do you
because I can that is the anthem of a
just be yourself generation that has
gone off the rails
turns out other people have noticed this
in May of 2013 a guy named Joel Stein
wrote an article for Time magazine
called
Millennials the me me me generation and
he does actually point out some of the
redemptive qualities of Millennials that
he thinks will actually help them save
the country but he also points to some
very interesting statistics about
Millennials that I thought I would share
with you for example he found that more
people more Millennials scored higher on
narcissism skills in college in 2009
than they did than the college students
did in the 1980s he also found that
narcissistic personality disorder was
three times higher in the under 25
category than in a 65 and up group now
you could probably guess why that is
right in 65 but uppers have had enough
time to figure out that they’re not such
hot stuff and now they’re much more
humble because of it but he also points
out that 60% of Millennials said that
their litmus test for making a moral
decision was how do I feel about that
so instead of appealing to an objective
sense of morality or an ethical code
when faced with a tough decision the
question would be how does that make me
feel I’ll be able to feel what’s right I
will know it’s inside of me I know the
answer he also found that Millennials
were more Fame obsessed he also found
that they were more entitled and also
interesting he found that they were
compelled to exaggerate their realities
so on social media when they saw
someone’s fabulous life that they
thought they couldn’t compete with they
needed to up the ante make it look
better put a nicer filter on it compete
better now all of this sounds pretty
disheartening right but is it really a
surprise to any of us I mean my
generation is called the selfie
generation for a reason
this is a time when a thousand selfies
are posted to Instagram every ten
seconds and it’s now estimated that the
average millennial will take twenty five
thousand pictures of their face before
they die we can see that culturally we
are snagged in a social media feedback
loop a me first
ethos a tendency to use social media or
communications or any other form to
promote self edged elation and
self-glorification we feed off of
affirmation and publicity not knowing
what to do with the vague advice to just
be ourselves we’ve instead decided as a
society that we will just adore and live
for ourselves for the selfie generation
the world revolves around us and our
identities and nothing should ever get
in the way of me being myself me being
me or at least living out a charade of
myself on social media I think we can
truly say that the selfie generation has
become the selfish generation the
byproduct of this infatuation with the
self is inevitably apathy towards the
problems of others I don’t know if
you’ve noticed but the world is not
doing too hot right now
and take it out of the national politics
scene just look at other tragedies and
atrocities school shootings humanitarian
crises globally human rights violations
globally and yet as we see all this
suffering what’s the average response
you’re gonna get for a millennial if you
really look at it okay I’ll boil it down
for you basically you’re on your phone
right on the news oh do you see that yes
that’s sucks well my life is still fine
whoa selfie all right okay what stopping
humanitarian crises as an example in the
United States thousands of homes are
wiped out by hurricanes in the last year
American families are homeless across
all of the southern states what’s the
response
that’s really sad you look the filter I
put on this selfie I love that it gives
my jaw bone more definition sadly I
could give you countless more examples
of behavior like this are we too
enamored with ourselves too fixated on
showing the world who we are to hear its
cries for help
are we in reality just blinded by
ourselves we started out with
well-meaning advice to just be ourselves
but that devolved into narcissism and
now it’s heading into very dangerous
territory where we have a world full of
people isolated into their own
self-absorbed bubbles will that serve us
is that really what we want for
ourselves as a university as a community
as a country in a technology and social
media driven world this problem is only
gonna get worse it’s not gonna subside
on its own it’s not a phase it’s gonna
snowball from here do we really want to
see ourselves become a nation of 320
million narcissists how are we ever
supposed to tackle any of the
innumerable problems in this world if
we’re all too self engrossed and too
self-absorbed on our little phones to
get up and do anything about it
well enough on the problem what’s the
solution what where do we want to see
ourselves go instead I would say that
just be yourself has had its time we’ve
allowed it into our society but it’s
almost conquered us so now more than
ever it’s time that we reignite the call
to humility get away from all this
selfishness bring back humility now what
do I mean by humility is it the kind of
humility that a person gets an award and
gets in front of an audience and says
thank you for recognizing my
achievements I know I am very qualified
and
you’re all aware of that so awesome but
I’m very humbled to be here today to
present my speech for you I’m very
humbled to be giving a TED talk today
no no the kind of humility I’m talking
about is the kind that drives its
practitioners to lead lives that are
gracious unassuming and character driven
lives that are lived under the
conviction that I am not the center of
the universe I am not all that lives
that believe in listening and
understanding as opposed to performing
and flaunting for other people lives
that are grounded in love and service
towards others that seems like a tall
order but by no means do I stand in
front of you today and say I am the
exemplar of the humble lifestyle look at
me do what I do and you’ll be humble no
I am NOT the exemplar of the humble
lifestyle I have to work at this all the
time I’m a proud person but I have
something to say about it because I was
exposed to this my whole life and the
people of my parents I’m getting all
teary over there day in and day out my
parents showed nothing but love
sacrifice and dedication they never drew
attention to themselves they never put
their and wants and needs in front of
anyone else they always thought of their
kids and other people first service I
was blessed to grow up with people like
them but if that’s not your story and
you don’t have parents like that that
you can look up to it’s ever more
critical that you find people like that
surround yourself with them peers
mentors model yourself after them strive
to be humble like they are and then once
you’ve done that model that for someone
else so that they look at your example
and want to live like you and we’ll
really get this trend going in the right
direction for the sake of this hurting
world and for the sake of all your
future children to whom it will be so
critical that you pass on the lesson of
humility and service I tell you don’t
just be yourself rather
humble yourself and go outside of
yourself so that you can serve this
broken world with those talents and
those traits that make you unique humble
yourself and we will watch this world
change for the better thank you
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
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