I’m clay Sanford and I’m gonna be
talking to you today about doing what
you shouldn’t so when I was four my life
was split in two I lived a life since
that day separated conflicted with the
constant feeling of being stalked
divorce it happens to nearly 50 percent
of families with children North America
50 percent so 50 percent of kids go
through a change of their life that they
have no choice in no decision in and
that completely separates the reality
what happened when I was only four set
this stage for my life ahead a life that
is always changing
so throughout my life I have moved many
times 15 times to be exact and I’ve
lived through various struggles like
dealing with family members to have
mental diseases and growing up with two
older brothers constantly moving between
my dad’s in my mom’s house but they’re
all the change and all the struggles and
all the moves one sticks out to me like
a sore thumb this change seems so
miniscule and so arbitrary to my life
but I think it represents so much more
it happened when I was only eight years
old I was living on the east side of
downtown with my mom and my two older
brothers and that guy came over to my
house and he made spaghetti and when
this guy this guy made spaghetti and I
love spaghetti when I was eight like
that was my favorite food and my mom
always me at the same exact way she put
butter and Parmesan cheese on it
I had a pre-event palate but that’s how
I loved it and when this man when he
made spaghetti he made it with sauce and
meatballs and I remember at eight years
old I was completely and utterly
mortified to what this guy had done to
my spaghetti I I like lost it on my mom
I freaked out I screamed I cried and I
remember like sitting on the steps
sulking refusing to eat dinner and
looking back now I mean it’s pretty dumb
I mean it was just spaghetti right like
it’s not that big of a deal but to me at
the time it was a complete change and
what I was used to it was a complete
change in my life actually
and what started as like this spaghetti
this when this guy’s changed my
spaghetti
I lost trust in him and I actually was
unable to see good and I think he did
because I only eight years old I viewed
him completely differently because he he
ruined my spaghetti I mean like come on
so 80 years old I was really confused
about this guy done to my spaghetti and
after he did that I lost the ability to
see good and what he did and I sure as
hell it’s not gonna eat spaghetti that
wasn’t I was not happening
but what started as spaghetti ended up
being a new school a new home and a new
life in fourth grade I moved in with
this spaghetti man and his house was on
the west side of dining town and it was
small and I had to shared the Attic and
by two annoying older brothers so what
this new spaghetti became a new life and
since then I have moved four different
times my life changing many times and I
always hate it change
I feared change in fact change was my
worst enemy and I never was able to
accept my life full of it until just
about last year so when you’re young you
live by routine it’s how you develop
trust in things and once you trust you
learn to take initiative world renowned
psychologist Erik Erikson describes us
as the first stage of development
children trust versus mistrust not this
stage in your life once you take once
you get trust from your environment and
your routine you begin to be able to
take initiative and to do things so it’s
this like closed-door mindset of routine
that we’ve invested in since day one so
we always have in trusting in our
routine like let’s say you wake up every
day from your alarm just like I do and
one day your alarm stops working you
woke up late you miss the bus and you’re
late to school that one simple little
change affect your life so much because
of your routine and how much you trust
it in that alarm clock so some people
say that we’re too trusted in our
technology like we wouldn’t use a map
instead of using our Google Maps app
like if our Google at Google Maps broke
like we would just you know be like oh
I’m lost and I use a map you were too
dependent on that but I think it’s it’s
more or two depending on a routine that
these sudden changes or little changes
affect us so much because we trust
entirely on a routine of life
I think it’s important that we no longer
trust a routine because if we’re
trusting routine too much and there’s a
change in our life we become an unable
to cope with it and when you can’t cope
you become scared you become afraid do
you want anxious stressed and sometimes
and even worse you become unable to see
the good and the opportunity and things
that come your way
so if we trust too much a routine and we
become frayed and anxious from this
change we begin to tie that stress and
that anxiety to the change itself so you
tie the idea of stress to change your
tie the idea of anxiety from change fear
to change and sometimes sadness to
change I propose the idea that we no
longer tie this anxiety and this
negative attitude to change that we tie
opportunity to change we tie good things
to change because it can bring so much
more into your life
so when I was eight I was very trust in
my routine I didn’t want to have this
change in my routine of spaghetti-like
that was I was not what I didn’t want
that right now but since that I was
unable to see the opportunity in
anything fact spaghetti with meatballs
is really good and I know that how but
before I was too scared to see these
things and I think that is really really
negative if you don’t see the good in
things if you’re too trusting and
routine so
as we grow up we begin to take risks and
I think it’s extremely important to take
risks and this is something in my life
that I’ve always put forth so as
teenagers we we open horizons and we
begin to explore our self-image we take
risks that we’ve never done before
Erik Erikson describes this as identity
versus role confusion so at this point
in your life you figure out who you are
you figure out your identity and in
order to do that you can’t just trust in
a routine you can’t just keep going like
plateauing you got it you have to do
something and take action and embrace
change so is now as a teenager that is
crucial to break that freak from your
everyday life to break away from your
routine to never fear change to take the
risk and take the chance even if you
aren’t a teenager it is still a crucial
that you take the initiative to become a
risk taker
when I was eight years old I was not
taking the risk of eating spaghetti but
my whole life I knew to take risks I
always did what people said I shouldn’t
I couldn’t and I want it like when I was
seven years old I remember three
different times at three different very
large Hills I was told by my brother or
my brother’s friends that I couldn’t
ride my bike it was a pretty nice Barbie
bike down these big hills because I was
a girl and every single time I rode my
bike down the hill now the first time I
got a good like two feet down the hill
and I flew off the bike I actually still
have the scar it was as a mess the
second time it was even worse I got
about five feet down the hill I hit a
bump and I body surfed down the hill
like face in the handlebars then at the
bottom of the hill I hit a rock and like
flew into these bushes it was just it
was very intense the third time I did it
perfectly well it was a bumpy ride down
but I made it all the way but I was very
afraid to do these hills I mean
obviously I was seven years old I had a
Barbie bike and I was going down these
massive hills or they were massive to me
at the time and I was afraid to do it
but I did it anyway and I think this is
how we should view change we should view
change not as something that we
shouldn’t do but something that we
should do we shouldn’t be afraid so
when we take these risks we become able
to see things that we never saw before
be able to see these opportunities and I
was very I was very unable to see
opportunity from change but I think it’s
important that when we’re afraid of
something
like I was afraid of those hills we
don’t see it as something to run from
something we shouldn’t do we see it as
something we can gain from so when I was
afraid of those hills I didn’t see us
something I shouldn’t do I didn’t see
something my brother said I couldn’t do
I saw as an opportunity to prove my
brothers and their stupid friends wrong
so I think that’s how everyone should
view change that we should take the
risks that when you’re afraid of
something you should take the risk and
go after it so how did I learn to
overcome my fear of change how did I
learn to become a risk-taker to love my
past to go get over my pure hatred of
change I absolutely hated it I looked at
change just like that hill when I was 7
I saw it as something that I can have an
opportunity from so I never saw
opportunity from change I always
opportunity from things that people said
I couldn’t do so when I thought of
change I thought of it just like this I
thought I should be stressed from change
because since day one I trust in my
routine I should be afraid of changed
because it’s just scary sometimes and I
should have anxiety from change because
it’s the unknown but once I started to
think just like I did when I was younger
and just like I did my whole life with
that do what I shouldn’t attitude and I
connected that to my idea of change I
did just that I did when I shouldn’t
have I thought I shouldn’t be afraid of
change I shouldn’t be scared and I
shouldn’t have anxiety I shouldn’t be
stressed and now obviously it wasn’t a
snap of the finger I didn’t do this just
like oh mindset change that’s impossible
but over time my view unchanged my view
on different changing in my life it’s
hard to change my view on change change
in fact it changed so much that I
started to actually like change so if
you do what the fear in your head and
the people all around you tell you that
you shouldn’t you’re doing exactly what
you should obviously you shouldn’t be
reckless because if you’re reckless you
know there’s a bad outcome and you do it
anyway and that is just don’t be
reckless that’s very important fearless
and when you do something you’re
fearless you know that there is a chance
and you grasp that chance so I think
that everyone should do what they
shouldn’t do what they know in their
head they shouldn’t do and take the
opportunity and after all all the
changes all the moves and all the really
bad spaghetti brought me here today
talking to you thank you
[Applause]
talking to you today about doing what
you shouldn’t so when I was four my life
was split in two I lived a life since
that day separated conflicted with the
constant feeling of being stalked
divorce it happens to nearly 50 percent
of families with children North America
50 percent so 50 percent of kids go
through a change of their life that they
have no choice in no decision in and
that completely separates the reality
what happened when I was only four set
this stage for my life ahead a life that
is always changing
so throughout my life I have moved many
times 15 times to be exact and I’ve
lived through various struggles like
dealing with family members to have
mental diseases and growing up with two
older brothers constantly moving between
my dad’s in my mom’s house but they’re
all the change and all the struggles and
all the moves one sticks out to me like
a sore thumb this change seems so
miniscule and so arbitrary to my life
but I think it represents so much more
it happened when I was only eight years
old I was living on the east side of
downtown with my mom and my two older
brothers and that guy came over to my
house and he made spaghetti and when
this guy this guy made spaghetti and I
love spaghetti when I was eight like
that was my favorite food and my mom
always me at the same exact way she put
butter and Parmesan cheese on it
I had a pre-event palate but that’s how
I loved it and when this man when he
made spaghetti he made it with sauce and
meatballs and I remember at eight years
old I was completely and utterly
mortified to what this guy had done to
my spaghetti I I like lost it on my mom
I freaked out I screamed I cried and I
remember like sitting on the steps
sulking refusing to eat dinner and
looking back now I mean it’s pretty dumb
I mean it was just spaghetti right like
it’s not that big of a deal but to me at
the time it was a complete change and
what I was used to it was a complete
change in my life actually
and what started as like this spaghetti
this when this guy’s changed my
spaghetti
I lost trust in him and I actually was
unable to see good and I think he did
because I only eight years old I viewed
him completely differently because he he
ruined my spaghetti I mean like come on
so 80 years old I was really confused
about this guy done to my spaghetti and
after he did that I lost the ability to
see good and what he did and I sure as
hell it’s not gonna eat spaghetti that
wasn’t I was not happening
but what started as spaghetti ended up
being a new school a new home and a new
life in fourth grade I moved in with
this spaghetti man and his house was on
the west side of dining town and it was
small and I had to shared the Attic and
by two annoying older brothers so what
this new spaghetti became a new life and
since then I have moved four different
times my life changing many times and I
always hate it change
I feared change in fact change was my
worst enemy and I never was able to
accept my life full of it until just
about last year so when you’re young you
live by routine it’s how you develop
trust in things and once you trust you
learn to take initiative world renowned
psychologist Erik Erikson describes us
as the first stage of development
children trust versus mistrust not this
stage in your life once you take once
you get trust from your environment and
your routine you begin to be able to
take initiative and to do things so it’s
this like closed-door mindset of routine
that we’ve invested in since day one so
we always have in trusting in our
routine like let’s say you wake up every
day from your alarm just like I do and
one day your alarm stops working you
woke up late you miss the bus and you’re
late to school that one simple little
change affect your life so much because
of your routine and how much you trust
it in that alarm clock so some people
say that we’re too trusted in our
technology like we wouldn’t use a map
instead of using our Google Maps app
like if our Google at Google Maps broke
like we would just you know be like oh
I’m lost and I use a map you were too
dependent on that but I think it’s it’s
more or two depending on a routine that
these sudden changes or little changes
affect us so much because we trust
entirely on a routine of life
I think it’s important that we no longer
trust a routine because if we’re
trusting routine too much and there’s a
change in our life we become an unable
to cope with it and when you can’t cope
you become scared you become afraid do
you want anxious stressed and sometimes
and even worse you become unable to see
the good and the opportunity and things
that come your way
so if we trust too much a routine and we
become frayed and anxious from this
change we begin to tie that stress and
that anxiety to the change itself so you
tie the idea of stress to change your
tie the idea of anxiety from change fear
to change and sometimes sadness to
change I propose the idea that we no
longer tie this anxiety and this
negative attitude to change that we tie
opportunity to change we tie good things
to change because it can bring so much
more into your life
so when I was eight I was very trust in
my routine I didn’t want to have this
change in my routine of spaghetti-like
that was I was not what I didn’t want
that right now but since that I was
unable to see the opportunity in
anything fact spaghetti with meatballs
is really good and I know that how but
before I was too scared to see these
things and I think that is really really
negative if you don’t see the good in
things if you’re too trusting and
routine so
as we grow up we begin to take risks and
I think it’s extremely important to take
risks and this is something in my life
that I’ve always put forth so as
teenagers we we open horizons and we
begin to explore our self-image we take
risks that we’ve never done before
Erik Erikson describes this as identity
versus role confusion so at this point
in your life you figure out who you are
you figure out your identity and in
order to do that you can’t just trust in
a routine you can’t just keep going like
plateauing you got it you have to do
something and take action and embrace
change so is now as a teenager that is
crucial to break that freak from your
everyday life to break away from your
routine to never fear change to take the
risk and take the chance even if you
aren’t a teenager it is still a crucial
that you take the initiative to become a
risk taker
when I was eight years old I was not
taking the risk of eating spaghetti but
my whole life I knew to take risks I
always did what people said I shouldn’t
I couldn’t and I want it like when I was
seven years old I remember three
different times at three different very
large Hills I was told by my brother or
my brother’s friends that I couldn’t
ride my bike it was a pretty nice Barbie
bike down these big hills because I was
a girl and every single time I rode my
bike down the hill now the first time I
got a good like two feet down the hill
and I flew off the bike I actually still
have the scar it was as a mess the
second time it was even worse I got
about five feet down the hill I hit a
bump and I body surfed down the hill
like face in the handlebars then at the
bottom of the hill I hit a rock and like
flew into these bushes it was just it
was very intense the third time I did it
perfectly well it was a bumpy ride down
but I made it all the way but I was very
afraid to do these hills I mean
obviously I was seven years old I had a
Barbie bike and I was going down these
massive hills or they were massive to me
at the time and I was afraid to do it
but I did it anyway and I think this is
how we should view change we should view
change not as something that we
shouldn’t do but something that we
should do we shouldn’t be afraid so
when we take these risks we become able
to see things that we never saw before
be able to see these opportunities and I
was very I was very unable to see
opportunity from change but I think it’s
important that when we’re afraid of
something
like I was afraid of those hills we
don’t see it as something to run from
something we shouldn’t do we see it as
something we can gain from so when I was
afraid of those hills I didn’t see us
something I shouldn’t do I didn’t see
something my brother said I couldn’t do
I saw as an opportunity to prove my
brothers and their stupid friends wrong
so I think that’s how everyone should
view change that we should take the
risks that when you’re afraid of
something you should take the risk and
go after it so how did I learn to
overcome my fear of change how did I
learn to become a risk-taker to love my
past to go get over my pure hatred of
change I absolutely hated it I looked at
change just like that hill when I was 7
I saw it as something that I can have an
opportunity from so I never saw
opportunity from change I always
opportunity from things that people said
I couldn’t do so when I thought of
change I thought of it just like this I
thought I should be stressed from change
because since day one I trust in my
routine I should be afraid of changed
because it’s just scary sometimes and I
should have anxiety from change because
it’s the unknown but once I started to
think just like I did when I was younger
and just like I did my whole life with
that do what I shouldn’t attitude and I
connected that to my idea of change I
did just that I did when I shouldn’t
have I thought I shouldn’t be afraid of
change I shouldn’t be scared and I
shouldn’t have anxiety I shouldn’t be
stressed and now obviously it wasn’t a
snap of the finger I didn’t do this just
like oh mindset change that’s impossible
but over time my view unchanged my view
on different changing in my life it’s
hard to change my view on change change
in fact it changed so much that I
started to actually like change so if
you do what the fear in your head and
the people all around you tell you that
you shouldn’t you’re doing exactly what
you should obviously you shouldn’t be
reckless because if you’re reckless you
know there’s a bad outcome and you do it
anyway and that is just don’t be
reckless that’s very important fearless
and when you do something you’re
fearless you know that there is a chance
and you grasp that chance so I think
that everyone should do what they
shouldn’t do what they know in their
head they shouldn’t do and take the
opportunity and after all all the
changes all the moves and all the really
bad spaghetti brought me here today
talking to you thank you
[Applause]
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