my name is Tabatha Coffey and I’m a
bitch
that’s right you heard it here first so
show me your hands who thinks they’re a
bitch well we need to work on that by
the end of this talk I want every hand
up and proud in this audience all of you
so ten years ago I was lucky enough to
fall into television and I say I fell
into it because I really did I tried out
for a competitive show that put
hairdresser against hairdresser and it
was rough it was twelve weeks living
away from your business away from your
family locked in a house with eleven
strangers you were with them 24/7 it was
an amazing experience I loved it and I’m
incredibly competitive like most of you
when it was over I went home went back
to my business went back on with my life
and a couple of weeks went by and my
clients were all thrilled that I was on
TV and I was competing a couple more
weeks went by and probably around four
weeks in I was in Nordstrom buying a
pair of shoes and across the mall a
woman looked – went oh my god you’re
that bitch on TV I did not laugh as all
of you are I do now but not then it
wasn’t so funny I was absolutely
mortified and look it’s not the first
time I’ve been called a bitch it’s
definitely not going to be the last time
but from a stranger that recognized me
and was yelling across the mall that I
was the bitch on TV really stopped me in
my tracks it was just amazing well it
didn’t just have a once it kept
happening
and happening and happening and
happening and I went down the rabbit
hole of reading the blogs and reading
what people were saying about me and
there were literally thousands of people
that were calling me a bitch and to say
that it was paralyzing is putting it
mildly
I was paralyzed by it because I’m tough
and I’m honest and I’m strong and I am
all the qualities that we all should
have to be a successful businesswoman
but I did not view myself as a bitch
whatsoever so I had to sit down and
really reflect on what happened and why
people were calling me a bitch and why
people were thinking that it was okay to
go up to a complete stranger and go
you’re that bitch I know now that it’s
kind of cool to be a bitch right now
it’s kind of cool but even though it’s
cool now and we say to our friends hey
bitch how you doing right we hash tag on
Instagram bitch and outfit right which
we throw the word around like it means
nothing but if any of you have been
called a bitch by someone whether you
know them whether it’s a colleague
whether it’s a friend whether it’s a
random stranger it hurts there is a
moment that it feels like a knife going
into your heart and it hurts the thing
that’s interesting and we talk about it
all the time there are books about it
there are songs about it if you are a
strong woman
if you speak with authority if you don’t
bow down to people if you speak your
mind
if you have a healthy dose of ego if
you’re really confident and really
really passionate you’re a bitch
but those qualities in a man make him a
go-getter a great executive someone you
want on the team
someone really dependable that will take
care of a problem maybe even the
president
yep but those qualities in us as women
get us called bitches the bigger problem
to me with that is that we do it to each
other we call each other bitches and
it’s not in the cute Instagram way of
bitch and outfit I’m with my bitches
it’s not in the cute way it’s in the
mean let me tear you down and put you in
your box kind of way because that word
and I’ve looked and I’ve searched there
is not an equivalent for men there isn’t
and it is supposed to dim your light and
make you not as confident and make you
stop and make you second-guess yourself
a little bit and wonder if what you’re
doing is the right thing should I be
doing something else I don’t know that’s
what it does to your head and we can
laugh it off as we are now but we still
know it hurts and when we do it to our
sisters and I mean our sisterhood of
women it’s wrong how many times have you
walked out of a meeting walked away from
maybe doing school pickup or going out
to a cocktail party and there’s a woman
there and walked well gosh such a bitch
when really maybe she wasn’t maybe she
was just a little bit more honest than
you maybe she just demanded what she
wanted and made no apologies or excuses
for it is she a bitch because she has a
better pair of shoes than you is that
why you’re calling her a bitch is that
why we do it to each other because we’re
a little jealous and we want to just cut
each other down a little bit because
we’re not helping each other we need to
promote growth and gain over gossip we
need to stop cutting each other down as
women
when I look at every single woman and
I’ve met hundreds of thousands because
I’ve been a hairdresser for 36 years and
had women in my chair every single time
and the reason I’m so passionate about
what I do is because I understand I
don’t understand men as well because I’m
not one but women I understand
us I understand our insecurities I
understand how hard we work I understand
that everyone wants to be perfect
all the time and it’s really really
exhausting I understand that when we go
on a date or we go to a party or we go
to a work event or we just get up in the
morning there’s pressure on us and
that’s without adding children and
husbands and all the other people that
are grabbing at us all the time I get
that so when I look at one of my sisters
why am I going to call her a bitch it’s
like calling me a bitch you’re doing it
to yourself when you look at another
woman you’re looking in the mirror and
let me tell you the fact that we are
women and we can produce life because
there literally wouldn’t be any of us
sitting here without a woman true is
extraordinary that is extraordinary to
overcome being called a bitch all the
time I like to face my fears the way I
dissolve them is to look right down the
barrel at them and just take care of
them so after my reflection I came up
with an acronym for what my version of
bitches and it’s brave intelligent
tenacious creative and honest and I defy
anyone in this room man or woman that
doesn’t want those qualities in their
life
every single woman in here and every
single man we’re brave you don’t need to
go and slay dragons sometimes it’s just
brave to get out of bed in the morning
and face your day
We’re warriors intelligence to me isn’t
about college degrees and book smarts
that’s part of it but there’s also
intuition
there’s understanding there’s nurturing
and knowing when to nurture and when to
pull back their qualities that women we
excel at being tenacious obviously have
you ever messed with a woman’s kid I
mean seriously
we’re tenacious if we want something we
don’t stop what about that pair of shoes
you’re lusting after and you can’t
afford them but miraculously the money
shows up and you’ve got new kicks on
that’s tenacity right there
creative is just looking at things
differently we’re great at that as women
we are the best multitaskers there are
we’re creative we find ways to not only
find this money for that pair of shoes
creatively to come out of nowhere but
also how to juggle different schedules
take care of things that’s innate in
most of us and honest is how I think we
all should live our life and to me that
honesty is being honest enough instead
of turning around and calling one of my
sister’s a bitch is to look and say you
know what I’m a little jealous of her
because what she has going on is a whole
lot of fabulous and I want a little bit
of it you know what I didn’t get that
job or I didn’t get that gig that I
really wanted she did kudos to her how
can I learn from that how can I be
better how can I learn from what she did
to elevate myself instead of looking
going bitch that’s not going to elevate
any of us that’s not going to solve the
problem
that I believe we as women can solve so
if you take my acronym of being brave
intelligent tenacious creative and
honest I encourage you all to think
about that in every choice and the next
time someone says to you you’re a bitch
smile and say yes thank you very much I
am and I am the best damn bitch I can be
thank you so much thank you
bitch
that’s right you heard it here first so
show me your hands who thinks they’re a
bitch well we need to work on that by
the end of this talk I want every hand
up and proud in this audience all of you
so ten years ago I was lucky enough to
fall into television and I say I fell
into it because I really did I tried out
for a competitive show that put
hairdresser against hairdresser and it
was rough it was twelve weeks living
away from your business away from your
family locked in a house with eleven
strangers you were with them 24/7 it was
an amazing experience I loved it and I’m
incredibly competitive like most of you
when it was over I went home went back
to my business went back on with my life
and a couple of weeks went by and my
clients were all thrilled that I was on
TV and I was competing a couple more
weeks went by and probably around four
weeks in I was in Nordstrom buying a
pair of shoes and across the mall a
woman looked – went oh my god you’re
that bitch on TV I did not laugh as all
of you are I do now but not then it
wasn’t so funny I was absolutely
mortified and look it’s not the first
time I’ve been called a bitch it’s
definitely not going to be the last time
but from a stranger that recognized me
and was yelling across the mall that I
was the bitch on TV really stopped me in
my tracks it was just amazing well it
didn’t just have a once it kept
happening
and happening and happening and
happening and I went down the rabbit
hole of reading the blogs and reading
what people were saying about me and
there were literally thousands of people
that were calling me a bitch and to say
that it was paralyzing is putting it
mildly
I was paralyzed by it because I’m tough
and I’m honest and I’m strong and I am
all the qualities that we all should
have to be a successful businesswoman
but I did not view myself as a bitch
whatsoever so I had to sit down and
really reflect on what happened and why
people were calling me a bitch and why
people were thinking that it was okay to
go up to a complete stranger and go
you’re that bitch I know now that it’s
kind of cool to be a bitch right now
it’s kind of cool but even though it’s
cool now and we say to our friends hey
bitch how you doing right we hash tag on
Instagram bitch and outfit right which
we throw the word around like it means
nothing but if any of you have been
called a bitch by someone whether you
know them whether it’s a colleague
whether it’s a friend whether it’s a
random stranger it hurts there is a
moment that it feels like a knife going
into your heart and it hurts the thing
that’s interesting and we talk about it
all the time there are books about it
there are songs about it if you are a
strong woman
if you speak with authority if you don’t
bow down to people if you speak your
mind
if you have a healthy dose of ego if
you’re really confident and really
really passionate you’re a bitch
but those qualities in a man make him a
go-getter a great executive someone you
want on the team
someone really dependable that will take
care of a problem maybe even the
president
yep but those qualities in us as women
get us called bitches the bigger problem
to me with that is that we do it to each
other we call each other bitches and
it’s not in the cute Instagram way of
bitch and outfit I’m with my bitches
it’s not in the cute way it’s in the
mean let me tear you down and put you in
your box kind of way because that word
and I’ve looked and I’ve searched there
is not an equivalent for men there isn’t
and it is supposed to dim your light and
make you not as confident and make you
stop and make you second-guess yourself
a little bit and wonder if what you’re
doing is the right thing should I be
doing something else I don’t know that’s
what it does to your head and we can
laugh it off as we are now but we still
know it hurts and when we do it to our
sisters and I mean our sisterhood of
women it’s wrong how many times have you
walked out of a meeting walked away from
maybe doing school pickup or going out
to a cocktail party and there’s a woman
there and walked well gosh such a bitch
when really maybe she wasn’t maybe she
was just a little bit more honest than
you maybe she just demanded what she
wanted and made no apologies or excuses
for it is she a bitch because she has a
better pair of shoes than you is that
why you’re calling her a bitch is that
why we do it to each other because we’re
a little jealous and we want to just cut
each other down a little bit because
we’re not helping each other we need to
promote growth and gain over gossip we
need to stop cutting each other down as
women
when I look at every single woman and
I’ve met hundreds of thousands because
I’ve been a hairdresser for 36 years and
had women in my chair every single time
and the reason I’m so passionate about
what I do is because I understand I
don’t understand men as well because I’m
not one but women I understand
us I understand our insecurities I
understand how hard we work I understand
that everyone wants to be perfect
all the time and it’s really really
exhausting I understand that when we go
on a date or we go to a party or we go
to a work event or we just get up in the
morning there’s pressure on us and
that’s without adding children and
husbands and all the other people that
are grabbing at us all the time I get
that so when I look at one of my sisters
why am I going to call her a bitch it’s
like calling me a bitch you’re doing it
to yourself when you look at another
woman you’re looking in the mirror and
let me tell you the fact that we are
women and we can produce life because
there literally wouldn’t be any of us
sitting here without a woman true is
extraordinary that is extraordinary to
overcome being called a bitch all the
time I like to face my fears the way I
dissolve them is to look right down the
barrel at them and just take care of
them so after my reflection I came up
with an acronym for what my version of
bitches and it’s brave intelligent
tenacious creative and honest and I defy
anyone in this room man or woman that
doesn’t want those qualities in their
life
every single woman in here and every
single man we’re brave you don’t need to
go and slay dragons sometimes it’s just
brave to get out of bed in the morning
and face your day
We’re warriors intelligence to me isn’t
about college degrees and book smarts
that’s part of it but there’s also
intuition
there’s understanding there’s nurturing
and knowing when to nurture and when to
pull back their qualities that women we
excel at being tenacious obviously have
you ever messed with a woman’s kid I
mean seriously
we’re tenacious if we want something we
don’t stop what about that pair of shoes
you’re lusting after and you can’t
afford them but miraculously the money
shows up and you’ve got new kicks on
that’s tenacity right there
creative is just looking at things
differently we’re great at that as women
we are the best multitaskers there are
we’re creative we find ways to not only
find this money for that pair of shoes
creatively to come out of nowhere but
also how to juggle different schedules
take care of things that’s innate in
most of us and honest is how I think we
all should live our life and to me that
honesty is being honest enough instead
of turning around and calling one of my
sister’s a bitch is to look and say you
know what I’m a little jealous of her
because what she has going on is a whole
lot of fabulous and I want a little bit
of it you know what I didn’t get that
job or I didn’t get that gig that I
really wanted she did kudos to her how
can I learn from that how can I be
better how can I learn from what she did
to elevate myself instead of looking
going bitch that’s not going to elevate
any of us that’s not going to solve the
problem
that I believe we as women can solve so
if you take my acronym of being brave
intelligent tenacious creative and
honest I encourage you all to think
about that in every choice and the next
time someone says to you you’re a bitch
smile and say yes thank you very much I
am and I am the best damn bitch I can be
thank you so much thank you
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