I see you
see you and I see you there’s one thing
that’s more addictive than crack cocaine
heroin or any other substance put
together it’s called connection when
you’ve really had a connection just
nothing else will will satisfy when
you’ve had somebody that looks inside
your eyes and says I see you see so
often in life we’re just walking and
giving motions and giving glad hand
gestures and hi how you doing what do
you do look when you ask a bad question
you get what a bad answer if you want
deeper connection with people you’re
gonna have to learn to ask better
questions what do you do just won’t cut
it
as a matter of fact sometimes when
people say well Bob what do you say if
you don’t say what do you do I say when
somebody comes over to me excuse me and
says Bob what do you do well one of my
standard answers is well I teach people
to ask what do you do not ask what do
you do as an opening line of question
because it’s a bad way to begin a
conversation see when I’m talking to you
sir
I’m talking to you because I want to
know who you are not what you do see the
challenge is we have to understand that
who you are is more important than what
you do and if it truly more important
than we need to start asking better
questions that help us identify who
people are
not too long ago I was sitting in a
Starbucks and it was later in the
evening and later in the afternoon early
evening and it pretty much emptied out
there was nobody there I mean literally
was an empty Starbucks with maybe two
people and me and one whole wall is a
bench and I’m sitting on the bench by
myself and there’s about this much space
between me and the window and there’s
this vast open Starbucks and a young man
who is a gang member came walking in and
out of the entire Starbucks where do you
think he sat right here not on the left
side of me where there was lots of space
but right here and as i sat there I
thought why is he sitting here and he’s
got his girlfriend with him when we’re
standing he’s sitting there talking to
her talking about just getting out of
jail and he’s talking about all this
stuff that she did for him while he was
in jail and all this stuff that you know
didn’t happen for him while he was in
jail and I turned to him and I said what
jail
and he looked at me and he told me to
jail I said well what were you in for
his girlfriend looks at him like are you
even gonna answer this guy but he does
he says for dealing drugs I said alright
what’s your drug of choice now but this
time his girlfriend is just like losing
it she just can’t figure out why he’s
even having a conversation with this
gray-haired guy sitting in a coffee shop
he says meth I said will this be your
last round hooks me and says no I said
how come he says because Bob I made too
much money selling drugs I’m not ready
to walk away from it look before we go
pass any judgment let’s just make no
mistake there’s stuff you’re not willing
to walk away from yet either it just
might not be meth it might be TV food
sacks whatever it could be something
else but I guarantee there’s things that
you’re not willing to walk away from
either so before we get too judgmental
about it so I asked him I said well uh
what do your mom and dad think about
this
have you ever had somebody answer
something that breaks your heart he said
well my mom and dad he does last time I
saw my mom she said that she didn’t want
me to come to her funeral
I said well what did you say he said I
told her I won’t I said what about your
dad she says my dad the last time I saw
him several years ago said I don’t even
have a son anymore and I said I’m sorry
and he said no it’s okay and I said no
bowl you can fill in the other word it’s
not okay it’s not okay for a father to
ever say that to his son do not ever
accept that one of the next level
pillars I teach is that whatever becomes
acceptable becomes inevitable and if you
make it acceptable from one person
you’ll make it acceptable from others
good or bad and I said it’s not okay and
so I flipped a switch for him I said you
know can I give you a gift right now
that will change your life only forever
as my Franklin Morshower says it will
change your life only forever if you
will listen and receive it and he said
what now you can remember this guy is
tatted from here down just got out of
jail he’s he is not we are not on equal
level as far as the way we deal with
life but I said to him this
I said would you please allow me the
privilege of apologizing to you on
behalf of your father because you may
never ever hear it from him and he
looked at me and I said I am so sorry
for all the ways that I let you down as
a father I am deeply sorry for
everything that I’ve ever done or said
that was unbecoming of a father I said
would you please just forgive me because
I haven’t done it right
and I began to cry and he began to well
hide the tears
ladies and gentlemen we have one unique
privilege in this world and that is to
connect with other human beings a friend
of mine said where does the air you
breathe start in the air I breathe stop
that’s how interconnected we really are
and yet so often we just get tied up in
the mumbo-jumbo when we get tied up in
just the basic humanity stuff versus
just really saying what’s really going
on in your life I mean you know when
I’ve sat down with people it doesn’t
matter young old it doesn’t matter what
economic background doesn’t matter what
social status it doesn’t matter what
race it doesn’t matter what religion it
doesn’t matter when you literally make a
connection with people and that’s the
opportunity we have you don’t have a
great opportunity I get to work as a
human behaviorist I get to work with
some amazing people I mean from
everything from drug addicts living
under bridges to celebrities to
professional athletes I mean you name it
across the board CEOs of major
corporations one of the coolest
opportunities I have is to really just
get to know people as a human
behaviorist my background is just really
steady on why somebody does something
that they say they’re never gonna do
again and why somebody keeps doing
something that they say they’re never
gonna do again and one of the coolest
opportunities I had to was to meet Garth
Brooks see ya
18 years ago I had a daughter died in a
car accident that I witnessed and during
that time I had written on the back of a
business card yes my life has better
left to chance I could have missed the
pain but I’d have had to miss the dance
remember the dance by Garth and I said
may see her name wasn’t Maisie I said
Maisie you’re the one dancer I would
never wish to miss no matter how short
the song was she was three years old and
I said I’m gonna carry this is my want
I’m gonna give it to Garth one day and
lo and behold a few years later I happen
to be at an event somebody says Garth
Brooks please come to the stage for the
day of rehearsal he wasn’t even on the
list I had no idea he was gonna be there
there
I walked up to him and I said Garth as
he was coming down from rehearsal I said
gurth can I can I just have a second he
says sure what’s up he’s coming down the
run he’s coming down the risers I’m
standing at the bottom and he says
what’s up I said I hand him the card and
he looks at the card just like this and
he goes we spent 45 minutes talking
man-to-man we didn’t talk about records
we didn’t talk about album we didn’t
talk about CD sales we didn’t talk about
number-one recording artists we didn’t
talk about anything symmetric this is
what I want to teach you about
connecting learn to ask great questions
and don’t be afraid of the difficult
ones if you want to build deeper
relationships you’re gonna have to go
deeper one of the coolest things he did
was he said he stood right there and he
says Bob yeah
how old was she I said three he goes how
did she die
I said car accident
Bob do you have other kids see I have
three other kids this is what are their
names
told the names what are their ages
tolling they just just Bob I’ve got
three little girls in my own he goes man
he goes I just don’t understand he goes
what did you tell them Bob how do you as
a father ever get over that
we had a man-to-man experience in a
moment where the room was crowded people
were rehearsing and everything else one
of the best things you will ever learn
to do and not just learn to do it but
learn to master it is to be 100% present
with someone even when there’s a lot of
distractions around when you’re here and
you’re talking to someone let that be
the only thing that matters because
guess what to someone it is to someone
it is the only thing that matters and I
gotta close with this and I’ll tell you
this if I were to survey everyone in
this room and say who made you feel the
most important this morning while you
were here would they have said your name
and if not why not now would be a great
time to make a change and say I will
determine that everyone in this room is
made to know that I care about them as a
human being first thank you
[Applause]
see you and I see you there’s one thing
that’s more addictive than crack cocaine
heroin or any other substance put
together it’s called connection when
you’ve really had a connection just
nothing else will will satisfy when
you’ve had somebody that looks inside
your eyes and says I see you see so
often in life we’re just walking and
giving motions and giving glad hand
gestures and hi how you doing what do
you do look when you ask a bad question
you get what a bad answer if you want
deeper connection with people you’re
gonna have to learn to ask better
questions what do you do just won’t cut
it
as a matter of fact sometimes when
people say well Bob what do you say if
you don’t say what do you do I say when
somebody comes over to me excuse me and
says Bob what do you do well one of my
standard answers is well I teach people
to ask what do you do not ask what do
you do as an opening line of question
because it’s a bad way to begin a
conversation see when I’m talking to you
sir
I’m talking to you because I want to
know who you are not what you do see the
challenge is we have to understand that
who you are is more important than what
you do and if it truly more important
than we need to start asking better
questions that help us identify who
people are
not too long ago I was sitting in a
Starbucks and it was later in the
evening and later in the afternoon early
evening and it pretty much emptied out
there was nobody there I mean literally
was an empty Starbucks with maybe two
people and me and one whole wall is a
bench and I’m sitting on the bench by
myself and there’s about this much space
between me and the window and there’s
this vast open Starbucks and a young man
who is a gang member came walking in and
out of the entire Starbucks where do you
think he sat right here not on the left
side of me where there was lots of space
but right here and as i sat there I
thought why is he sitting here and he’s
got his girlfriend with him when we’re
standing he’s sitting there talking to
her talking about just getting out of
jail and he’s talking about all this
stuff that she did for him while he was
in jail and all this stuff that you know
didn’t happen for him while he was in
jail and I turned to him and I said what
jail
and he looked at me and he told me to
jail I said well what were you in for
his girlfriend looks at him like are you
even gonna answer this guy but he does
he says for dealing drugs I said alright
what’s your drug of choice now but this
time his girlfriend is just like losing
it she just can’t figure out why he’s
even having a conversation with this
gray-haired guy sitting in a coffee shop
he says meth I said will this be your
last round hooks me and says no I said
how come he says because Bob I made too
much money selling drugs I’m not ready
to walk away from it look before we go
pass any judgment let’s just make no
mistake there’s stuff you’re not willing
to walk away from yet either it just
might not be meth it might be TV food
sacks whatever it could be something
else but I guarantee there’s things that
you’re not willing to walk away from
either so before we get too judgmental
about it so I asked him I said well uh
what do your mom and dad think about
this
have you ever had somebody answer
something that breaks your heart he said
well my mom and dad he does last time I
saw my mom she said that she didn’t want
me to come to her funeral
I said well what did you say he said I
told her I won’t I said what about your
dad she says my dad the last time I saw
him several years ago said I don’t even
have a son anymore and I said I’m sorry
and he said no it’s okay and I said no
bowl you can fill in the other word it’s
not okay it’s not okay for a father to
ever say that to his son do not ever
accept that one of the next level
pillars I teach is that whatever becomes
acceptable becomes inevitable and if you
make it acceptable from one person
you’ll make it acceptable from others
good or bad and I said it’s not okay and
so I flipped a switch for him I said you
know can I give you a gift right now
that will change your life only forever
as my Franklin Morshower says it will
change your life only forever if you
will listen and receive it and he said
what now you can remember this guy is
tatted from here down just got out of
jail he’s he is not we are not on equal
level as far as the way we deal with
life but I said to him this
I said would you please allow me the
privilege of apologizing to you on
behalf of your father because you may
never ever hear it from him and he
looked at me and I said I am so sorry
for all the ways that I let you down as
a father I am deeply sorry for
everything that I’ve ever done or said
that was unbecoming of a father I said
would you please just forgive me because
I haven’t done it right
and I began to cry and he began to well
hide the tears
ladies and gentlemen we have one unique
privilege in this world and that is to
connect with other human beings a friend
of mine said where does the air you
breathe start in the air I breathe stop
that’s how interconnected we really are
and yet so often we just get tied up in
the mumbo-jumbo when we get tied up in
just the basic humanity stuff versus
just really saying what’s really going
on in your life I mean you know when
I’ve sat down with people it doesn’t
matter young old it doesn’t matter what
economic background doesn’t matter what
social status it doesn’t matter what
race it doesn’t matter what religion it
doesn’t matter when you literally make a
connection with people and that’s the
opportunity we have you don’t have a
great opportunity I get to work as a
human behaviorist I get to work with
some amazing people I mean from
everything from drug addicts living
under bridges to celebrities to
professional athletes I mean you name it
across the board CEOs of major
corporations one of the coolest
opportunities I have is to really just
get to know people as a human
behaviorist my background is just really
steady on why somebody does something
that they say they’re never gonna do
again and why somebody keeps doing
something that they say they’re never
gonna do again and one of the coolest
opportunities I had to was to meet Garth
Brooks see ya
18 years ago I had a daughter died in a
car accident that I witnessed and during
that time I had written on the back of a
business card yes my life has better
left to chance I could have missed the
pain but I’d have had to miss the dance
remember the dance by Garth and I said
may see her name wasn’t Maisie I said
Maisie you’re the one dancer I would
never wish to miss no matter how short
the song was she was three years old and
I said I’m gonna carry this is my want
I’m gonna give it to Garth one day and
lo and behold a few years later I happen
to be at an event somebody says Garth
Brooks please come to the stage for the
day of rehearsal he wasn’t even on the
list I had no idea he was gonna be there
there
I walked up to him and I said Garth as
he was coming down from rehearsal I said
gurth can I can I just have a second he
says sure what’s up he’s coming down the
run he’s coming down the risers I’m
standing at the bottom and he says
what’s up I said I hand him the card and
he looks at the card just like this and
he goes we spent 45 minutes talking
man-to-man we didn’t talk about records
we didn’t talk about album we didn’t
talk about CD sales we didn’t talk about
number-one recording artists we didn’t
talk about anything symmetric this is
what I want to teach you about
connecting learn to ask great questions
and don’t be afraid of the difficult
ones if you want to build deeper
relationships you’re gonna have to go
deeper one of the coolest things he did
was he said he stood right there and he
says Bob yeah
how old was she I said three he goes how
did she die
I said car accident
Bob do you have other kids see I have
three other kids this is what are their
names
told the names what are their ages
tolling they just just Bob I’ve got
three little girls in my own he goes man
he goes I just don’t understand he goes
what did you tell them Bob how do you as
a father ever get over that
we had a man-to-man experience in a
moment where the room was crowded people
were rehearsing and everything else one
of the best things you will ever learn
to do and not just learn to do it but
learn to master it is to be 100% present
with someone even when there’s a lot of
distractions around when you’re here and
you’re talking to someone let that be
the only thing that matters because
guess what to someone it is to someone
it is the only thing that matters and I
gotta close with this and I’ll tell you
this if I were to survey everyone in
this room and say who made you feel the
most important this morning while you
were here would they have said your name
and if not why not now would be a great
time to make a change and say I will
determine that everyone in this room is
made to know that I care about them as a
human being first thank you
[Applause]
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