in 2008 I voted for the very first time
and this election was important because
not only was I voting for my new
commander-in-chief as an active duty
service member it was my first
presidential election an election my
mother nor my grandmother could ever
have imagined would happen in their
lifetime I was voting to elect the first
black president of the United States of
America as a young child as a young
child I distinctly remember noticing
prominent black people because it was so
rare to see them like watching The Oprah
Winfrey Show with my mom she stood out
not just because she was Oprah but
because there weren’t many other black
women who were nationally syndicated
television host see I come from a family
of small business owners and as a
first-generation college graduate I had
the perfect recipe for success and if I
wanted to be a small business owner or
work in corporate America I would agree
but that was never what I wanted see I
wanted to be on the forefront of
changing the world and not just changing
the world but changing it so that seeing
black people in prominent leadership
roles was no longer the exception but
the rule see President Obama and Oprah
represented everything I aspire to be
Trailblazers change agents I mean what
black feeling and they did it by
intentionally going into white spaces
building bridges and being successful
there so that’s what I decided to do
but there were two unintended
consequences of my choice to be present
in white spaces being ostracized by many
in the black community and not being
courageous enough to advocate for black
issues here’s the thing I learned about
being black and white spaces you are
constantly reminded of what it means to
be silenced forgotten voiceless and
overlooked what it means to be in a room
where decisions are being made that
affect an entire population of people
who have absolutely no idea it’s
happening and no voice in the process
you also learn how being the black
person constantly seen and mostly white
have been and befriended mostly white
people leaves you completely vulnerable
and alone because to your own community
you are now one of them I think dr.
Cornel West a prominent black political
thinker and activist said it best when
he said in America you can’t call
yourself unapologetically black and be
successful I learned how to navigate
white spaces early in my career I
learned how to navigate white spaces in
a way that I’m as inconspicuous
non-threatening and non disruptive as
possible in other words when I walk into
a room where no one looks like me I have
to mentally emotionally and
psychologically unzip black me there are
things I noticed as a black woman when I
walk into a room where no one looks like
me I know inherently that the color of
my skin is going to change the character
of that room I’m expected to represent
all black people without portraying any
black characteristics simply put I can
be visibly black
but not stereotypically black I have
been in a room with a group of leaders
from around the state of Louisiana
mostly white as they were discussing
sales tax and how it’s a more equitable
way to tax the population and when I
stood up to explain why it was a
regressive tax and not at all equitable
I was pulled to the side by no less than
three white people the first of whom
told me I needed to watch my tone and be
careful of how I spoke to people the
second one gave me a 30-minute diatribe
on how he tries to rent homes to those
people and they tend to not take care of
the property but the third person the
third person she simply said thank you
SCARA I had no idea I’ve been in spaces
where the murder of black people has
been described back handedly as well if
only he hadn’t resisted or he was just a
thug I’ve been in a room with the board
member of a local leadership
organization who turned to me as we were
discussing diversity and inclusion and
said well I can’t go get black people
become part of this program but you can
I have witnessed on countless occasions
as white people have said well everyone
has the same access to opportunities and
slavery was like a hundred and fifty
years ago so get over it and don’t black
people have more opportunities than
white people to go to college for free
and most of the time most of the time I
stay silent but what I really want to
say is the murder of black bodies is
part of a systemic institutionalized
form of racism and no one deserves to be
murdered on the pavements of America we
all deserve due process and yes you
absolutely can make your program more
intentional and diverse if you came with
me to meet with people of color to
promote the benefits of your program and
there’s a big difference between
opportunities being available and every
having access and while slavery may have
been a couple hundred years ago a City
Councilman integrated our local school
system less than fifty years ago and
while there are scholarship programs
that target people of color if they
aren’t in environments where they
realize that higher education is an
option then who does it really benefit
recently I served on the board of a
local member based organization for
three years I was constantly reminded
that if I wanted diversity then it was
my job to make it happen so I did my
last two months on the board I
participated in a program that gave me
seed money to create a scholarship
program that reduce the cost of
membership for one year and paired
current members with new members I
posted about it on Facebook and in less
than one week I had almost 20 people
mostly african-american committed to
joining the organization I will never
ever be able to describe or explain what
it felt like to walk into a membership
meeting one month later
look up and notice that almost 50% of
the room look like me it was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen the
exception had become the rule and I no
longer had to walk into a room where no
one looks like me and constantly
silently remind myself I belong I belong
I belong
in 2017 I advocated for a local
leadership program to give the first
presentation on black history and how
black people came to be part of my
community 2017 thirty years after the
program was initially created it was
important to me to find a way to have my
story told and because of the
relationships I had established in white
spaces I was able to make that happen
but you see as much as I wanted to have
my story told I was completely terrified
of how it would be perceived what I now
become known as a race-baiting
agenda-driven radical you see it’s hard
the struggle of working to do
intentional inclusion and simply wanting
to learn how to be successful I’ve seen
firsthand what happens to black people
who are unapologetically black it limits
their career opportunities and their
ability to be effective especially in
white spaces it is simply easier to
assimilate or advocate but not both so
yes I asked for the story to be told but
I asked the presenter please don’t
mention that I asked for it to be told
because the potential of losing the
opportunity to occupy those spaces and
create change was too great
now it’s also not easy being the black
person who chooses to occupy white
spaces because even when I want to be
comfortable in my own blackness I am
ostracized by many in my own community
and the truth is I sometimes don’t feel
worthy enough to stand next to them next
to those who publicly take a stand
against racism next to those who are
working to create organizations and
programs that alleviate violence in our
community next to those who are
unapologetic about their blackness
it’s power its beauty and it’s worth you
see I have been told that they need to
see me doing the work that they do for
the black community and that simply
isn’t my form of advocacy so because of
that I am mostly ostracized for most
events initiatives and programs in the
black community even when I offer to
help
it is usually met with skepticism and
suspicion
there are also stigmas attached to black
people who choose to spend their time in
white spaces you are either an Uncle Tom
a sellout or an opportunist
I have been told by a black community
leader there is no way you can ever
convince me that you are in all of those
white spaces advocating for black people
I don’t believe it
it’s not possible it’s not possible it’s
not possible for me to ask the leader of
a high profile organization to consider
interviewing a black candidate for a
role that has never seen a minority in a
leadership position it’s not possible
for me to advocate for a more diverse
selection committee for a young leader
award so that we have the opportunity to
honor more black people doing amazing
work in our community it’s not possible
for me to shift the focus of a local
program to local communities and areas
that are more impacted by its mission
you see just because I don’t do the work
that you do doesn’t mean that it isn’t
possible having to walk the struggle of
being unapologetically black or
successful it’s hard it’s hard walking
in both worlds and constantly having to
choose which is more important because I
have come to the realization that is
almost impossible
to do both I must choose and in every
event encounter and board meeting that I
attend I have to choose which spiral
goes first unapologetically black
intentional inclusion Sarah or unzipped
and vicious assimilated and y’all it’s
hard because I lose so much with either
choice my entire community loses so much
with either choice for my black friend
here is what I wish you knew I wish you
knew that I leave pieces of myself at
home every day so that I can go to work
and network and advocate for more
intentional inclusion I speak with
careful concise clearly articulated
words and phrases because it’s necessary
for access into spaces where decisions
are made decisions that affect us you
and me I wish you knew how much I
advocate for more inclusion in
leadership programs boards and
commissions and projects and initiatives
but more important for high-level roles
in government business and nonprofit I
wish you knew how much I admire your
dedication to our community its
empowerment and its potential for better
I wish you knew how much I used to pray
that my blackness could be more like
yours I wish you knew me your ally
your sister your friend
for my wife friends here’s what I wish
you knew I wish you knew how much of
myself I hide in fear of being
considered an angry black woman or a
race leader I wish you knew how much I
give up to lift in your space and to
have to endure being asked why more
black people can’t be like me why you
should or shouldn’t support this black
organization and not being courageous
enough to express my true feelings and
experiences every time there is a
conversation about police brutality and
the murder of black people I wish you
knew how much I love being your friend
but I hate being referred to as your
black friend how insulting it is when
you tell me you don’t be color when I
know you saw about five red stop signs
and ten green lights on your way to this
event
I wish you knew and how much I love when
he asked me to introduce you to someone
black as a poster sending my list of
black people I wish you knew how much I
love celebrating the color of my skin my
African and Native American heritage my
kinky curly sometimes knotted hair and
disgusting issues of intentional
inclusion is what makes my soul smile I
wish you you unapologetically
authentically bold black
so the question is can I courageously
and unapologetically stand in my
blackness for both sides I haven’t
figured that out yet and the truth is
there may not be an answer because you
see everyday when I look in the mirror I
long for the day when I can be
comfortable in my own blackness and I’m
constantly aware that although I stand
in both spaces I may never truly be
accepted by either still I persist I
persist because the opportunity for
change matters more the opportunity for
relationships matters more the
possibility of waking up every day and
walking into spaces like that membership
meaning more it matters more for my son
it matters more for my sister it matters
more for my entire community and that is
worth everything
and this election was important because
not only was I voting for my new
commander-in-chief as an active duty
service member it was my first
presidential election an election my
mother nor my grandmother could ever
have imagined would happen in their
lifetime I was voting to elect the first
black president of the United States of
America as a young child as a young
child I distinctly remember noticing
prominent black people because it was so
rare to see them like watching The Oprah
Winfrey Show with my mom she stood out
not just because she was Oprah but
because there weren’t many other black
women who were nationally syndicated
television host see I come from a family
of small business owners and as a
first-generation college graduate I had
the perfect recipe for success and if I
wanted to be a small business owner or
work in corporate America I would agree
but that was never what I wanted see I
wanted to be on the forefront of
changing the world and not just changing
the world but changing it so that seeing
black people in prominent leadership
roles was no longer the exception but
the rule see President Obama and Oprah
represented everything I aspire to be
Trailblazers change agents I mean what
black feeling and they did it by
intentionally going into white spaces
building bridges and being successful
there so that’s what I decided to do
but there were two unintended
consequences of my choice to be present
in white spaces being ostracized by many
in the black community and not being
courageous enough to advocate for black
issues here’s the thing I learned about
being black and white spaces you are
constantly reminded of what it means to
be silenced forgotten voiceless and
overlooked what it means to be in a room
where decisions are being made that
affect an entire population of people
who have absolutely no idea it’s
happening and no voice in the process
you also learn how being the black
person constantly seen and mostly white
have been and befriended mostly white
people leaves you completely vulnerable
and alone because to your own community
you are now one of them I think dr.
Cornel West a prominent black political
thinker and activist said it best when
he said in America you can’t call
yourself unapologetically black and be
successful I learned how to navigate
white spaces early in my career I
learned how to navigate white spaces in
a way that I’m as inconspicuous
non-threatening and non disruptive as
possible in other words when I walk into
a room where no one looks like me I have
to mentally emotionally and
psychologically unzip black me there are
things I noticed as a black woman when I
walk into a room where no one looks like
me I know inherently that the color of
my skin is going to change the character
of that room I’m expected to represent
all black people without portraying any
black characteristics simply put I can
be visibly black
but not stereotypically black I have
been in a room with a group of leaders
from around the state of Louisiana
mostly white as they were discussing
sales tax and how it’s a more equitable
way to tax the population and when I
stood up to explain why it was a
regressive tax and not at all equitable
I was pulled to the side by no less than
three white people the first of whom
told me I needed to watch my tone and be
careful of how I spoke to people the
second one gave me a 30-minute diatribe
on how he tries to rent homes to those
people and they tend to not take care of
the property but the third person the
third person she simply said thank you
SCARA I had no idea I’ve been in spaces
where the murder of black people has
been described back handedly as well if
only he hadn’t resisted or he was just a
thug I’ve been in a room with the board
member of a local leadership
organization who turned to me as we were
discussing diversity and inclusion and
said well I can’t go get black people
become part of this program but you can
I have witnessed on countless occasions
as white people have said well everyone
has the same access to opportunities and
slavery was like a hundred and fifty
years ago so get over it and don’t black
people have more opportunities than
white people to go to college for free
and most of the time most of the time I
stay silent but what I really want to
say is the murder of black bodies is
part of a systemic institutionalized
form of racism and no one deserves to be
murdered on the pavements of America we
all deserve due process and yes you
absolutely can make your program more
intentional and diverse if you came with
me to meet with people of color to
promote the benefits of your program and
there’s a big difference between
opportunities being available and every
having access and while slavery may have
been a couple hundred years ago a City
Councilman integrated our local school
system less than fifty years ago and
while there are scholarship programs
that target people of color if they
aren’t in environments where they
realize that higher education is an
option then who does it really benefit
recently I served on the board of a
local member based organization for
three years I was constantly reminded
that if I wanted diversity then it was
my job to make it happen so I did my
last two months on the board I
participated in a program that gave me
seed money to create a scholarship
program that reduce the cost of
membership for one year and paired
current members with new members I
posted about it on Facebook and in less
than one week I had almost 20 people
mostly african-american committed to
joining the organization I will never
ever be able to describe or explain what
it felt like to walk into a membership
meeting one month later
look up and notice that almost 50% of
the room look like me it was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen the
exception had become the rule and I no
longer had to walk into a room where no
one looks like me and constantly
silently remind myself I belong I belong
I belong
in 2017 I advocated for a local
leadership program to give the first
presentation on black history and how
black people came to be part of my
community 2017 thirty years after the
program was initially created it was
important to me to find a way to have my
story told and because of the
relationships I had established in white
spaces I was able to make that happen
but you see as much as I wanted to have
my story told I was completely terrified
of how it would be perceived what I now
become known as a race-baiting
agenda-driven radical you see it’s hard
the struggle of working to do
intentional inclusion and simply wanting
to learn how to be successful I’ve seen
firsthand what happens to black people
who are unapologetically black it limits
their career opportunities and their
ability to be effective especially in
white spaces it is simply easier to
assimilate or advocate but not both so
yes I asked for the story to be told but
I asked the presenter please don’t
mention that I asked for it to be told
because the potential of losing the
opportunity to occupy those spaces and
create change was too great
now it’s also not easy being the black
person who chooses to occupy white
spaces because even when I want to be
comfortable in my own blackness I am
ostracized by many in my own community
and the truth is I sometimes don’t feel
worthy enough to stand next to them next
to those who publicly take a stand
against racism next to those who are
working to create organizations and
programs that alleviate violence in our
community next to those who are
unapologetic about their blackness
it’s power its beauty and it’s worth you
see I have been told that they need to
see me doing the work that they do for
the black community and that simply
isn’t my form of advocacy so because of
that I am mostly ostracized for most
events initiatives and programs in the
black community even when I offer to
help
it is usually met with skepticism and
suspicion
there are also stigmas attached to black
people who choose to spend their time in
white spaces you are either an Uncle Tom
a sellout or an opportunist
I have been told by a black community
leader there is no way you can ever
convince me that you are in all of those
white spaces advocating for black people
I don’t believe it
it’s not possible it’s not possible it’s
not possible for me to ask the leader of
a high profile organization to consider
interviewing a black candidate for a
role that has never seen a minority in a
leadership position it’s not possible
for me to advocate for a more diverse
selection committee for a young leader
award so that we have the opportunity to
honor more black people doing amazing
work in our community it’s not possible
for me to shift the focus of a local
program to local communities and areas
that are more impacted by its mission
you see just because I don’t do the work
that you do doesn’t mean that it isn’t
possible having to walk the struggle of
being unapologetically black or
successful it’s hard it’s hard walking
in both worlds and constantly having to
choose which is more important because I
have come to the realization that is
almost impossible
to do both I must choose and in every
event encounter and board meeting that I
attend I have to choose which spiral
goes first unapologetically black
intentional inclusion Sarah or unzipped
and vicious assimilated and y’all it’s
hard because I lose so much with either
choice my entire community loses so much
with either choice for my black friend
here is what I wish you knew I wish you
knew that I leave pieces of myself at
home every day so that I can go to work
and network and advocate for more
intentional inclusion I speak with
careful concise clearly articulated
words and phrases because it’s necessary
for access into spaces where decisions
are made decisions that affect us you
and me I wish you knew how much I
advocate for more inclusion in
leadership programs boards and
commissions and projects and initiatives
but more important for high-level roles
in government business and nonprofit I
wish you knew how much I admire your
dedication to our community its
empowerment and its potential for better
I wish you knew how much I used to pray
that my blackness could be more like
yours I wish you knew me your ally
your sister your friend
for my wife friends here’s what I wish
you knew I wish you knew how much of
myself I hide in fear of being
considered an angry black woman or a
race leader I wish you knew how much I
give up to lift in your space and to
have to endure being asked why more
black people can’t be like me why you
should or shouldn’t support this black
organization and not being courageous
enough to express my true feelings and
experiences every time there is a
conversation about police brutality and
the murder of black people I wish you
knew how much I love being your friend
but I hate being referred to as your
black friend how insulting it is when
you tell me you don’t be color when I
know you saw about five red stop signs
and ten green lights on your way to this
event
I wish you knew and how much I love when
he asked me to introduce you to someone
black as a poster sending my list of
black people I wish you knew how much I
love celebrating the color of my skin my
African and Native American heritage my
kinky curly sometimes knotted hair and
disgusting issues of intentional
inclusion is what makes my soul smile I
wish you you unapologetically
authentically bold black
so the question is can I courageously
and unapologetically stand in my
blackness for both sides I haven’t
figured that out yet and the truth is
there may not be an answer because you
see everyday when I look in the mirror I
long for the day when I can be
comfortable in my own blackness and I’m
constantly aware that although I stand
in both spaces I may never truly be
accepted by either still I persist I
persist because the opportunity for
change matters more the opportunity for
relationships matters more the
possibility of waking up every day and
walking into spaces like that membership
meaning more it matters more for my son
it matters more for my sister it matters
more for my entire community and that is
worth everything
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