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Uncertainty and what’s next | Nadeem Bandealy | TEDxJHUSalon


[Applause]

thanks for coming out everyone hopefully

you’ll feel that the next ten minutes of

your life were pretty well spent so just

as a show of hands how many of you are

freshmen in the crowd lots lots of

freshmen all right now how many of you

feel like even though you’ve only been

here a few weeks everybody around you

seems to already have their entire life

story mapped out ooh yes so so when I

came to Hopkins I felt exactly this way

so when I got here I actually wanted to

major in economics and become an

investment banker the plan was make a

ton of money more cash on like a dream

of retire at the age of 40 and lived the

rest of my life on a yacht but I think

that after a few weeks of being here

that wasn’t going to pan out I’m just

not a numbers guy and I knew I wouldn’t

be happy doing that day in day out every

single day for the rest of my life and

it didn’t help that I hated economics I

was god awful at it ahead I didn’t have

a back-up plan you know I didn’t really

plan on coming here and within a few

weeks changing my entire career my

entire major it wasn’t in the four year

plan but that’s what ended up happening

so I when I want to Kim Hopkins I

actually applied early decision so for

the first time in my life I was really

uncertain about what the next step was

going to be and you know you guys are

all go to Hopkins you know that it seems

like everyone’s got it all figured out

and I honestly thought I was the only

one who didn’t this feeling of Lawson is

sort of festered inside me and it grew I

distinctly remember my very first

birthday at Hopkins my 19th it was in

the fall so I’m still getting to know a

lot of people i was taking this

philosophy course and for a midterm we

had to write this paper and of course

since it was my first paper in college I

did absolutely awfully and I had to

rewrite it and the day I had to rewrite

it on was of course my birthday and I

know many of you know me but for those

who don’t I’m a huge birthday guy and to

me what a birthday is is it’s not really

about the person whose day it is it’s

more about that feeling of togetherness

closeness that you feel when you get all

your friends and all your family in the

same room so I’m sure you can imagine

how disappointed I was when I spent all

day and all night alone and the confines

of my dark crime in my darkroom writing

this absurdly ridiculous paper so I know

this feeling of being socially lost and

alone has nothing really to do with my

academics but the feelings sort of

compounded and they had this additive

effect on me I felt completely buried in

uncertainty and I didn’t know who was

going to pull me out and I really wish

that I could say that this was my

turning point this is where I had my

epiphany and I changed everything around

for the better but that just isn’t true

I actually the feeling of confusion grew

quite a lot so in the next two years I

bounced around from department to

Department taking classes all over the

place so I was a big power mature mother

fat anyhow I mentioned with mother fans

here yeah yeah so I’m a big Ted Mosby

fan so I tried out civil engineering to

see if I could become an architect that

didn’t pan out I wanted to bind a bond

of my roommate Tariq so I tried out

neuroscience that that’s clearly didn’t

work out either and then I I wanted to

see if I could be the next great

philosopher of the 21st century but you

all know how that one turned out

ultimately after floundering and doing

everything I could I finally settled on

public health so the thing with

uncertainty is that it’s it’s a very

normal thing it’s a normal and natural

part of life and it’s going to keep

happening to you again and again and

again and then argue that it’s actually

a good thing because it forces you to

sit down and really think about who you

are and who you want to be and while

it’s great we recognize that it’s a

totally normal part of life how can we

take this experience and kind of create

something tangible out of it basically

what I’m asking is what’s next so a few

weekends ago a couple friends and I were

feeling really rambunctious and

adventurous and so what we decided to do

was drive down to West Virginia and go

spelunking so for those of you don’t

know what’s plunking it it’s not some

weird sex position it’s actually yeah

yeah

King is actually just cave exploration

so when we were inside this cave one of

the things we had to do was pass through

the structure called the keyhole the

keyhole was basically these two boulders

about this far apart and you had this

much with and each of us had to crawl up

and into the keyhole and twist our twist

our way through now of course just my

luck when I try to go through my ribcage

got stuck between the two boulders and I

was stuck so I immediately began

panicking my heart rate shot up it was

hyperventilating I couldn’t breathe I

couldn’t think I remember distinctly

looking at my good friend Kevin and him

nearly shouting at me that I need to

calm down now after a minute or two of

Kevin scolding I was finally able to

settle down get my breathing under

control exhale finally I slip right to

the keel now the problem with this cave

was that there was only one entrance and

one exit so that if I wanted to get out

of the cave what did I have to go

through again the keyhole so this time

when I saw the keel before i was even

inside it I could already feel that

phantom crushing feeling on my chest it

was already panicking just looking at it

even though I knew everything was going

to be totally fine just like it was the

last time I couldn’t help but be

overcome by this feeling of despair but

instead of freaking out further at least

freaking out even more what I did was I

calm myself down started controlling my

breathing and I actually stepped through

the hole in just over a second or two

now throughout our lives whether it be

with our majors our friends our family

relationships our job there are going to

be times where we’re frozen like deer in

the headlights but if we want to

overcome this feeling we just need to

calm down and dive headfirst into this

uncertainty you know when certainty is

actually really ironic because what it

does to us is it freezes us and makes us

feel stuck prevents us from being able

to think from being able to act but the

funny thing about it is that the only

way to get out of that pattern is

actually to get off the couch and go do

something and I know it might be scary

and the entire process while you’re

trying to figure this whole thing out

you’re going to feel like you’re stuck

permanently but I promise you

if you give your genuine best effort in

diving headfirst you’re going to be just

fine now I wish I wish when I wish when

I was bouncing around from Department

the Department trying to find myself

that I knew this piece of advice because

for me taking one class in the

department just wasn’t enough to figure

out that I wanted to do something for

the rest of my life so after taking a

course with dr. Philip leaf and me I was

really into a public health to figure

out if I actually really liked it I

realized I needed to get my boots on the

ground and actually get into the field

so that’s when I decided to join Health

leads and i’ve been working at our

substance abuse center doing case

management ever since because the thing

is that learning in the classroom is

great but if you really want to know if

you’re passionate about something you

got to get your feet wet and get your

hands dirty now just as I faced my fear

of the kegel not once but twice I

challenge you all to face your fear of

uncertainty and if there’s anything I’ve

learned about kind of navigating through

these uncharted waters is that it’s all

about momentum my favorite word momentum

because even when you feel like the roof

is caving in on you and you feel

smothered by this pressure of

uncertainty all you need is one thing

one thing to go right one thing to

change everything one thing to build

your confidence and get the ball rolling

and this whole thing is totally

frightening totally frightening and you

know what that’s the best part about

being in college because whether you

know what are not right now you’re

filled in a room full of people who are

totally scared and the people who

weren’t scared they remember a time

where they were not too long ago that’s

the great part about college now there’s

anything I want you to take away from

this talk it’s this just remember that

no matter who you are right now or who

you want to become this idea of

uncertainty is never going to completely

disappear it’ll continue to rear its

ugly head over and over and over again

it’s not something you just get to wash

your hands away and it goes and it’s

gone forever it’s not how it works

but we can’t let the sphere of the

future stifle us we can’t let this idea

of uncertainty build this persistent

unrest inside us we needed a venture out

and see what Hopkins and our surrounding

communities have in store for us and see

what they have to offer we need to

recognize their fears and reservations

and overcome them because it’s not about

that uncertain sinking feeling you get

in your stomach and it’s not about that

uneasiness you get when you think about

what the future might hold it’s about

what you do next thank you [Applause]

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